I just learned that apparently, this site is a bit broken again and most people aren't getting E-Mail-notifications for updates, reviews or private messages. I don't know, when this issue will be fixed, but if you are reading this, maybe check out other author's stories for any missed updates as well.
So… this chapter was not really planned the way it turned out in the end. Which tends to happen a lot. I have a rough draft of something and then when I sit down to really write it, it just develops a mind of its own and I can either run with it or not.
I had not planned to have the whole letter Connie left for Amy in it. There were only supposed to be bits and pieces, and then a lot of conversation between Sheldon and Amy. But it's done now, and I think I like this version better, even though it is very cheesy, but well, they only get to have this moment once, right?
I am still debating on how to do the wedding chapters. How much content there will be in it, if there will be one or two chapters… I know some of you are waiting for the wedding night and the honeymoon (I am too), but I also want to give those two lovebirds a proper wedding and I also need a bit of space for Raj and Missy's interactions in between. So… I am not sure yet how the next chapters will look like.
Also, there was not supposed to be a part with Raj's POV in this one. And to be honest, I had never planned on writing Raj and Sheldon's conversation as a whole.
But alas, it is what it is, and even though it might be a bit confusing, since Raj's POV in this one happens before Missy's POV in the last one, I hope you will be happy with how it turned out!
And when the stars are shining brightly in the velvet sky,
I'll make a wish send it to heaven and make you want to cry.
The tears of joy for all the pleasure and the certainty.
That we′re surrounded by the comfort and protection of
The highest powers. In lonely hours. The tears devour you.
Balancing Heaven And Earth
Chapter 22 – "Truly, Madly, Deeply"
Sheldon's POV:
Just for one brief moment, Sheldon had considered not knocking at Amy's window tonight.
It was… unconventional. Meeting his fiancée late at night after their respective bachelorette/bachelor parties. Helping her climb out the window dressed in her nightwear.
Also, she had specifically told him, she wanted to spend this night separately from him, and he had vowed to respect her wishes.
And really, he could have gone alone. Technically, it was not necessary to include Amy in his plans. There were plenty of things he could have said to the person who would sadly not be at his wedding. All by himself.
But the thing was… he did need Amy to be there to.
Maybe it was his emotional conversation with his brother from earlier. Or the two conversations with Raj that had both confused him. His soul… just felt so raw. His heart was wide open, overflowing with feelings that were so powerful.
He just needed to see Amy right now. He needed his anchor. His safe place. The peace she always gave him. He needed to talk to her. Tell her how he felt right now. Let his feelings out.
Because he knew, if he did not see her tonight, then he would just burst into tears in front of all their friends and family, the moment he would see her walk towards him.
And while he had gotten more comfortable lately, with letting people see his vulnerabilities, he still would rather only let Amy see the true depths of his emotions.
So, when he knocked at the window and she agreed to go with him right away, without even asking any further questions, it was just another reason why he knew he was marrying the perfect woman tomorrow.
Hand in hand, they walked the familiar path. To an outsider, they must have looked completely ridiculous. Entering the cemetery in the middle of the night. Dressed in their nightclothes.
It did not matter though. As so often, the only thing that mattered to both of them was their own private mission.
"I'm glad we are doing this.", Amy told him, as they sat down on the grass. "Because… there is something I really want to share with you before we are getting married."
He looked at her in surprise.
This was unexpected.
"There is?"
"Yeah.", she said softly. "I almost called you this morning already. There is… something I got today. And it almost feels like a miracle."
She reached into the pocket of her robe and when she pulled out an envelope, Sheldon could see that her hands were shaking slightly.
"What's that?", he asked, but then gasped when he saw the familiar handwriting.
'To my dearest Amy', he read silently, and right away, he could not keep his lower lip from trembling.
Whatever he had expected from tonight, this was certainly not it.
"But… how…", he asked.
Amy was not looking at him. Her gaze was glued on the letters written on the gravestone in front of them.
"She knew.", she whispered. "I had no idea. I know she wanted us to meet… but I had no idea she was this certain about us."
"What are you talking about?", he asked softly and took her hand. The one that was not holding the envelope but was shaking as well.
"You know I was at Ruth's this morning.", she told him. "And… Ruth gave me this letter. Because… Connie wanted me to have it. On the day when you and I would be getting married."
Sheldon shook his head. Partly out of disbelief. And partly out of amusement.
It did not make sense. Or maybe in a way it did, but Sheldon was unable to figure out his feelings on the matter right now.
He only knew that there was a letter from his meemaw. Words from her to the woman he was about to get married to. Words, he craved to hear.
"You did not read it yet?", he asked her.
She just shook her head.
"It did not feel right.", she admitted. "Not sharing this moment with you."
He could not hold back the sob that had apparently been forming inside of him ever since he had seen her handwriting again less than a minute ago.
"Wow…", he breathed out.
"Yeah.", Amy said, a slight chuckle in her voice. "And there is more."
She proceeded to tell him about the journal that was in the box she had received in the morning, and that's when the dam broke. He was unable to hold back the tears any longer.
"I cannot wait to read her journal.", he croaked. "And at the same time…"
"I know how you feel.", Amy told him. "When I got it, all I wanted to do was rip it open, find a quiet place and indulge in those last words I will ever read from her. But… I also want to savor it. Because…"
"Because those are the last words, we are ever going to read from her.", he nodded.
"I want to read the letter today. With you.", Amy suggested. "And then… maybe we can save the journal. Maybe read it entry by entry."
"We could start on our honeymoon.", Sheldon nodded. "And then maybe come up with a schedule for the rest."
"I'd like that."
They shared a smile, happy to be on the same page about this, before their gaze shifted again, both staring at the letter that was still in her hand.
"Now is a good time as ever.", he told her and nudged her gently.
"I know.", she nodded. "But… It just feels like such a big moment. And…"
Sheldon smiled softly. Well, there was a reason why it had taken him months to read his own letter.
"It's okay.", he told her. "If you need more time. She meant so much, not just to me, but to you too. And you are right, it is a big moment. I understand if you cannot…"
In that moment, Amy took a very big breath and, very carefully, slid a finger under the flap, probably afraid to damage the paper. The envelope yielded to her touch, and, with bated breath, Amy slowly withdrew the precious piece of paper that was so valuable to both of them.
Sheldon expected her to read it silently at first. After all, it was addressed to her. Not to him or to both of them.
But to his surprise, and to his relief, she read it out loud. Quietly. Her voice brimming with tears.
My dear Amy,
If you are reading this letter, then that means that my greatest wish has come true, and you are about to marry my grandson. I have to believe it. I have to believe that you will indeed receive this letter and that you two have found each other and have realized and understood what I have known to be true for a while now.
Oh, Amy. How I hope that I am right and that you will be reading this letter. I hope it will not be dusting away in Ruth's cupboard while you shut yourself off from the world once again. I hope that the experiences you have made during these past two years are enough to make you believe that you are worthy of friendship and family. And love.
I know you must have been wondering, why you did not get a letter after my death, like my daughter and my grandchildren did. Oh, my sweet Amy, I know I am taking a risk. And I hope you will not end up thinking you aren't important enough to me. Because you are. I love you, Amy, and I could not love you more if you were my blood. In my heart, you are my grandchild, just as much as Georgie and Missy and Sheldon are.
Amy's voice broke at that point, and she seemed to be unable to keep reading.
Sheldon gently took the letter from her hand and wrapped one arm around her body, pulling her close to him.
She was shaking against him, and Sheldon felt equally emotional about what he just heard.
"She loved me.", Amy croaked. "I mean, I guess I knew that. But… reading it now… in these words."
"Of course she did.", he said and wiped away a tear from her face. "How could she not? After living with you for two years. She would be crazy not to love you."
"Oh, Sheldon…", she sobbed.
For a few minutes, Sheldon just held Amy close, letting her cry into his chest.
Whatever emotions he thought he felt before, it paled in comparison to what he was experiencing right now.
He wanted to know what else was in that letter. He needed to know. And he assumed, Amy was feeling the same way even though she was unable to stop crying.
"Do you want me to…", he asked gently.
"Yes, please.", she nodded frantically, tears running down her face.
He took a deep breath before he shifted his gaze back to the piece of paper in his hand.
I tried to write you a different letter, Amy. I really did. One that you could open after my funeral. One that would bring you comfort. But… as much as I tried… I was not able to.
I guess I could have told you that you are a wonderful person, which you are. Or how much I loved having you live with me. Not just because I got sick, and you were there to take care of me. But because of the laughter and the joy you brought me almost from the beginning. Because of this unexpected friendship that means so much to me.
Of course I could also tell you, how much easier you made my life by being there for me during my illness. By coming with me to my doctor's appointments. By sitting with me through it all and by never getting tired of caring for me. I could tell you how comforting it was to have you by my side. How soothing it was, knowing I could trust you completely. And about how you came into my life so unexpectedly but turned out to be the greatest gift I could have ever received.
I could have also told you that you are prettier than you think you are and – more importantly – funny and witty and charming and that any person should consider themselves lucky to have you in their life. But I know, you are not yet ready to believe me, even though it is the truth.
Oh, my dear Amy, there is so much more that I could write to you. But I don't want to say goodbye to you. So short was the time we got to be in each other's lives. And as short as it was, I am eternally grateful for getting to be a part of your journey. To serve as a catalyst for you, not to change but to let out the person who was inside of you all your life.
I am proud of you, Amy. Of everything you do and everything you are. Which is another thing I could have told you.
But I have told you all these things before, and I have to believe that you heard me. That all the insecurities you are carrying around with you will be a thing of the past at some point and that you will know, there is no reason for you to make yourself small or try to please those around you, afraid they might not accept you otherwise.
No, I did not want to write you this kind of goodbye letter. You should not be needing it anymore.
But what I wanted to tell you… for such a long time… is something that I cannot tell you yet.
I tried to figure out when I realized it for the first time. And while I was not completely sure back then, I think it must have been the night when we were going out for drinks. The night, when that… neanderthal asked you out on your first real date ever. I remember the strange feeling in my gut when he complimented you and you were giggling and blushing at his attention. It felt all wrong to me and I did not know why at first.
All I could think was that he's not the man for you. And that it would be a tragedy if you settled for someone like him. Someone who would never be able to cherish you the way you deserve. Someone who would not be able to truly see and understand you.
I am stopping right here, because you will be able to read the rest of my thoughts during that night in the journal that I have left you.
But – and I am sure you have guessed it by now – I realized around that time what you and Sheldon must have figured out too.
That you two are made for each other. That there is only one outcome in both your life stories that will guarantee you a happy ending and that is you two being together.
Sheldon wasn't able to continue as well at this point. His fingers, just as Amy's, were trembling.
"I know she wanted us to be together. We both read her letter to me. We know what she implied then with the ring and everything", he told Amy. "But to read it like this… the certainty… how… it's…"
"It's crazy.", Amy said softly. "But it's also… so her. She always thought she knew everything. She always assumed she was right about every gut feeling she had. And it turns out… She was."
"Well, she was certainly right about one thing.", he scoffed. "Seeing you dating other men felt wrong. For her. And for me too. You could have never settled for any of them."
And as he remembered a certain conversation, he had held tonight… a certain confession he had heard, he couldn't help but lift her head by her chin and look at her seriously.
"Right?", he asked softly.
She seemed surprised by the tone of his voice.
"Of course not.", she told him and leaned in for a short peck on his lips. "You know there could have never been anyone for me but you."
"I do know that.", he nodded. But still, his heart felt a tiny bit lighter, hearing it from her. He wrapped both arms around her shoulders and hugged her to his chest.
Again, they just sat like that for a few minutes. Embracing each other tightly. Enjoying the peace and quiet. There was no sound but the cool breeze rustling through the trees, and the chirping of crickets somewhere in the distance.
"I think I am ready to continue now.", she told him then and he handed her the letter back, still embracing her tightly, readying himself to hear what else his meemaw had wanted to tell them.
Oh, Amy, you have no idea how much I wish I could still be here. Not only to see your love story unfold but also to guide the both of you. To be there to give you advice. I know it cannot be easy for Sheldon to accept the feelings he will develop for you after convincing himself for so long that he was not destined to ever fall in love. And I also know it cannot be easy for you, Amy, to lower your defenses and believe in a true happy ending after everything you went through in your life.
Oh, but I have faith, my dear. I have so much faith in you two. Faith that I don't need to meddle. That I can let you figure this out by yourself. I know, both of you love me enough so that you would agree to go on a date if I voiced it as a last wish. I considered it. But it would be less special then, and you would never know if you got together because what you have is real or if you were just fulfilling an old lady's dying wish.
I have faith that right now, you are reading this letter while wearing the ring that I have left Sheldon. My ring that will forever connect the three of us. Maybe, if I had to guess, I would even consider that you two could be reading this letter together right now.
Amy gasped and they shared a quick glance.
Yes, his meemaw really had a way of just knowing everything.
"Wow…", she croaked and handed the letter back to Sheldon.
He smiled softly. How he was loving this moment. This absolute trust between the two of them. The fact that they got to share this the way they did.
He cleared his throat and continued reading.
I have faith that you two are happy. That you were able to build a life that suits you both, no matter how different your wishes might have seemed, starting out this journey.
I have faith that, somehow, the both of you have found a way to help my granddaughter. To tear her away from her dire situation. I hope that, in which capacity ever, she will be a part of your life. That you and she will manage to get back the beautiful friendship that has started to grow before everything went south. And that Sheldon and she will finally manage to put aside their differences and focus on the things that could bring them closer again.
And at last, I have faith that, even though you both will be grieving my death, you will be able to move on from it. Together. I know my memory will live on in both of you. I have faith that you will take comfort in remembering all the good times we have shared. I have faith that it will give you strength and that you will think back, not with sadness, but with gratefulness.
In a way, having this kind of faith in you both grants me the possibility to die peacefully. Without regrets.
Because I believe that, even if I am no longer here, something beautiful will have grown from my ashes. That, as a last genius move, I have brought you two together.
And so, on the day of your wedding, my dear Amy, I am not offering you my advice. If you came this far, then you don't need it anymore.
Instead, I want to tell you what my hopes are. For both of you.
He stopped. It felt right to let Amy read this last part.
She grasped the letter so quickly, Sheldon was almost afraid it would tear.
Then she continued reading, and he could hear in her voice, how much she was struggling to keep calm.
She had to pause after every sentence. To take a breath and steady her voice as she read on.
I hope that there will be more joy than sadness on the path you will be going together.
I hope that that you will laugh together frequently about things that no one else would consider funny. I hope that your shared humor will be a source of strength to both of you.
I hope that your days may be filled with little moments in between the big ones. Moments that remind you of the precious treasure that is your connection. Maybe a stolen kiss as you pass each other in the hallway. Or maybe a shared look that speaks volumes of the trust you have in each other.
I hope that your home, wherever it may be, will be a place where you find peace and serenity. Where friends and family gather and where you will always keep an open door for those you love.
I hope that all your dreams, both individual and shared, will come true and that you both find fulfillment in the pursuit of your passions.
I hope that you will cherish each other and stick together. Through good times and bad. That your love will act like a lifeboat, smoothly sailing and carrying you both even through the biggest storms. Protecting both of you from harm.
And at last – and maybe this will indeed be the only real advice I want to offer you both – I hope you will just enjoy your wedding day. I hope you will not stress about the details. I hope you will not be nervous. But instead, I hope you will embrace this day to celebrate the fact that you found each other.
And know that, even if I am not here in person, I will be there. In both of your hearts. Forever and wherever you will be.
I love you so much. Both of you.
Connie.
The letter slid from Amy's hand into the grass in front of his meemaw's grave.
Sheldon resisted the urge to grab it and put it back into the envelope. It was a dry night. Lying in the grass for a few minutes would not harm it.
Instead, he grasped his woman's trembling hands and pulled her close, pressing his forehead to hers as they both sat there. No longer sobbing, but calmly reveling in everything they had just read.
"I have been missing her so much.", Amy whispered finally, after her tears had dried. "But this… hearing her words… it's almost as if she's here with us."
Sheldon nodded. He felt the exact same way. As if meemaw had been sitting there right in front of them at the place where she was buried. Talking to them directly. It was so overwhelming.
"You know I am so glad that you were there for her.", he admitted. "And she for you."
"Me too.", Amy breathed out.
"All this time, I have been wishing, I could have been there for her too.", he continued. "But the truth is… I was in a horrible place back then. I would not have been able to care for her, even before my heart attack. And when she died… it was as if she had taken with her my last bit of hope for ever feeling happy again."
Sheldon's mind shifted back to the first time when he had sat here. On the day of her funeral. One of the worst days in his life.
The pain of losing meemaw had been excruciating. He had been hollow on the inside. Trapped within his mind by his grief and the desperation. Angry at the whole world. Hopeless in every way possible.
"And then you came.", he said and lifted her head so she would look at him. "And from the first moment, you gave me back hope. Only a glimmer at first, so small I could not recognize it. But the day I met you… I started healing. Not just from my grief. But also, from my isolation. And from feeling like I never quite fit in anywhere. From the resignation and from my decision to spend the rest of my life alone. Amy… you saved my life."
"What?"
He could see her looking back at him with furrowed eyebrows.
Whatever she had expected of tonight. It was not this.
He swallowed dryly and tried to bite back the tears that were forming in his eyes as he remembered the person, he was less than two years ago.
"On the day I came here to Medford… I had nothing left. I had lost everything.", he said and took a deep breath. "My friends. My career. My passion for science. My health."
"Sheldon…", he heard Amy's soft voice as she leaned closer to him. "You don't need to relive all this sadness. I know all of it. But it's over. Your life is so full now."
He closed his eyes and smiled.
"Only because of you.", he told her then. "All the things I have now. I would not have them if I had not met you."
"Well...", she shrugged. "The same thing goes for me."
"That's not true.", he disagreed. "You had a good life here. You had the choir. You were meeting people and going on dates. You loved your job. You might have been grieving as much as I was, but you would have been fine in the end."
"Never.", she whispered. "Sheldon, back then, in the beginning… I never let you see how I was really doing. I wanted to appear strong but… I was dying on the inside. Connie's death… devastated me. The choir, as you must remember, was about to fall apart without a leader. I had lost hope that I could be able to help Missy. Your mother was short with me because I let her know how I felt about Robbie. By the time Connie's funeral came around, I was already considering packing my bags and leaving. Maybe travel aimlessly again for a while. I know, as miserable as I felt back then, I would have just reverted back to my old self. Alone and without a friend. You were the reason I stayed. You are the reason for everything I have now, Sheldon."
"I am?", he asked. In his heart he had probably known. But he had never really thought about it.
"Of course you are."
She let her thumbs run over the back of his hand as she continued to speak.
"Sheldon, you know how I fantasized about you before we met. How I pictured us being together. I built up this vision of us in my head. It felt so embarrassing at times. But Sheldon, not in my wildest dreams could I have come up with what we have now. You gave me a life I could have never hoped for. Because I could not have imagined loving someone and being loved back the way we do. I did not know it was possible to feel as happy and content and fulfilled as I do now. You did this, Sheldon. I cannot wait to be your wife and see what else the future has in store for us."
His whole body trembled as he heard her words, and he couldn't resist the urge to pull her close and press his lips to hers.
They shared a kiss that felt tender and hungry and loving and sincere all at the same time.
"I love you so much.", he sighed against her mouth as he moved his hands to her shoulders, grasping the soft fabric of her robe. "And Amy, I promise, I will never stop loving you. I will never take you for granted or stop appreciating the way you changed my life."
"I love you, Sheldon.", she responded and held his face, looking up to him with even more tears in her eyes. "I love you more with each day. And I will carry this love to wherever we may go and never stop cherishing the way you came into my life and made me feel complete for the first time."
They shared a sweet smile, both their eyes sparkling with unshed tears.
Again, their lips met, lingering softly in a sweet touch.
And when they pulled apart, their gaze shifted upwards, just in time to notice a single streak of brilliance racing over the night sky.
As a man of science, Sheldon knew better than to think of this shooting star as anything than a rock or maybe a bit of dust hitting the Earth's atmosphere from space.
But in this moment… he just wanted to put all facts aside. It was too beautiful. Too perfect, even for this perfect night.
"Wow.", he said. "It feels like…"
"As if we just got married.", Amy finished his sentence and smiled at him softly. "Officiated by the one person whose approval really matters."
He nodded in agreement.
"Does that mean we can spend tonight together after all?", he asked hopefully.
"Oh, Sheldon…", Amy said with a chuckle in her voice as she pulled him close for another kiss. "You know we should not."
"It was worth a try.", he sighed.
"We should not be sleeping in the same bed tonight.", she repeated. "But… maybe we could just stay here a little while longer."
He sighed relieved. After what they had shared, he did not want to think of parting ways already.
Sheldon finally picked up the letter from the ground and put it back into the envelope before he pulled Amy close again. She hummed contently and nestled into his chest.
And then, they did not speak another word for a long time. It was not necessary.
This night had gone differently than he had planned.
He had wanted to tell Amy about everything that had happened tonight. First about his talk with his older brother. About how emotional it had made him.
Maybe he would have told her about Raj's crush on her. He was not sure if he should. But he did not want to keep secrets from Amy.
And he most definitely wanted her to know about what Raj had revealed afterwards. His friend Raj. Asking for his blessing to try and deepen his friendship with his twin sister. To what extent? Only time would tell.
He wanted to tell Amy about his conflicting feelings on the matter. And, since she was his sister's best friend, he wanted to know her opinion on what Missy would think about all of it.
But not tonight. No. Tonight was only about the two of them and the memories of the woman they both had loved so much.
In the back of his mind, he could hear the echo of his own voice, from almost two years ago.
'You were nothing to her.'
How clueless had he been. And how glad was he now, to know the extent of Amy's friendship to meemaw.
"I'm getting sleepy.", he heard the woman in his arms whisper into his chest.
He checked his watch. It was already past midnight. So, technically already their wedding day. It felt like a little win, getting to start the day like this. Wrapped around her body in front of meemaw's grave instead of trying to find sleep alone.
For a moment, he considered asking her to stay here. Lie down in the grass and sleep for a bit.
It was tempting. But he knew, they had a long day ahead of them. He would not be able to sleep well, thinking of all the insects residing here, crawling over them when they slept. And he knew, Amy would also sleep better in their bed.
"Come on, let me take you home.", he offered and got up, offering her his arm.
And so, they looked back at meemaw's grave one last time before they made the familiar way back home. The same walk they had taken so often.
They stopped in front of their bedroom window.
"So, this is me.", Amy said, grinning at him sweetly.
He chuckled.
"It's been a while since we had to do this.", he said, raising his eyebrows. "I always found it hard back then, taking you home and then having to go across the street without you."
"And just like tonight, I used to wish I could invite you in to spend the night.", she nodded.
He wrapped one arm around her hip and cupped her cheek with his other hand, planning on giving her a chaste kiss good night.
But as he grazed her skin with his knuckles, he couldn't help but notice something he hadn't before.
"Your face…" he whispered.
"What about it?", she asked curiously.
"It's… softer than usual."
He ran his fingertips over her cheek again, feeling and exploring the softness of her skin. It was so smooth, almost like silk. He couldn't resist the urge to run his thumb over her lover lip and when she kissed it softly, he couldn't help but shiver.
"I was at the spa and got a facial.", she whispered into his ear then. "And… a little more than that. I don't want to spoil the surprise for tomorrow night but… there are other parts of my body that received a treatment."
He whimpered at her words.
"I cannot wait to find out.", he whispered back.
"Yeah?", she asked and grinned at him slightly.
"Dear Lord, Amy.", he breathed out, pulling her body close by her shoulder. Up until now, he had been proud of the way he was able to keep himself in check on this special night.
He kissed her cheek, then lifted her chin before pressing a soft, chaste kiss on her lips. "I want you. So badly. I am craving the moment tomorrow night when the festivities are over, and I get to finally touch you again."
She was shivering under his hands. He could read the signs. She was craving him. As much as he was craving her.
She put both arms around his neck and kissed him back. Just fleetingly, but enough to make his heart flutter in his chest.
"It's only been two weeks.", she said teasingly. "And you once claimed not to be a very physical person. Remember."
"Of course I remember.", he told her before pecking her lips once more. "I have an eidetic memory. A trait you find – as you called it – incredibly sexy and irresistible."
"Mhmm… don't remind me.", she moaned.
He couldn't stop himself from moving his lips to her neck and nibbling her skin there. There it was. The little throaty moan she always released when she was getting aroused.
He pressed his hips against her belly, letting her feel he was just as desperate for her as she was for him.
"I've been craving this, Amy.", he whispered, moving up her neck to her ears. "And this is not about the sex. I have been craving the sounds you make when I do this to you. And the way your skin feels under my fingers. The way your body trembles when we make love. I have been craving you every night for the past two weeks when you were sleeping next to me. And tomorrow night… I am going to make up for it. And then, during our honeymoon, I will be playing out every scenario I have dreamed about during those torturous fourteen days. You better brace yourself, Amy."
"Hooo…", she sighed and pulled his face close for another kiss.
It did not take long him to completely melt into her embrace. Their mouths moving over each other sensually, her fingers playing with the knot that tied together his robe. His hands caressing the soft skin on the back of her neck.
He pulled away from her, out of breath, his head spinning, trying to form a coherent thought that was not clouded by lust.
He wished so badly for her to invite him in, but he knew, the way he felt right now was the exact reason why she should not. Because there was no way he could keep his hands off her tonight.
"I need to leave now.", he told her. "Or I won't be able to."
She took a step backwards and gazed at him, her cheeks glowing and her eyes full of desire.
"Okay.", she whispered, biting her lips, as if to keep herself from inviting him in after all.
She turned around and opened the window, and he helped her climb inside again, brushing his hands over her body a little bit more than necessary.
"See you tomorrow.", he promised and kissed her one last time through the open window.
"In less than twelve hours.", she whispered back.
"Mhmm… still too long."
"Agreed. Now go. Before I can't let you go anymore."
She winked at him, and he grinned back before he turned around.
He was still grinning when he lay down on his air mattress next to Leonard who was already fast asleep.
And as he closed his eyes, his heart was still pounding almost out of his chest.
Tomorrow, he would go to sleep as a husband. A husband to his wife Amy.
He couldn't wait.
Raj's POV:
"We can go together. The three of us. You know… since you are our… friend."
Rajesh Koothrappali was no stranger to longing and wishing things were different.
He was no stranger to dreaming of women who were unavailable to him.
But still… this night had hit differently than anything before.
He had fought it. For weeks, maybe months.
Told himself he was crazy. It was just another one of his silly crushes. One that would pass. One that should pass.
But he had to admit, it was different this time.
He did not dream of Missy Cooper as some kind of idealized version of a woman, like the star of an old romantic movie. He did not pour his heart into writing childish poetry or think of ways to make himself look more attractive to her.
He dreamed of the night when she had fallen asleep against his shoulder. With messy hair and clothes that were dusty and smudgy from travelling to Pasadena. Her face, not covered in make-up but blotchy from the tears she had cried for her son who had run away.
He dreamed of the way he had been able to be there for her. To take care of her. And of her adorable son who was certainly the greatest little boy he had ever met.
His heart was filled with affection and admiration for the way she was handling herself through this crisis. For picking herself up and getting therapy. For making the necessary decisions for her son. For still, after everything she had gone through, not losing her sense of humor and for making him laugh so often when they spoke on the phone.
He loved hearing her voice and how she tended to analyze the movies they so often watched together. She was so insightful in the way she interpreted the protagonists' actions and words, often making him see his favorite parts in a completely new light.
Yes, there was no denying it anymore. He officially was starting to fall for his friend's sister.
His friend's sister who had vowed to never date again. Because she had suffered so much, it just did not seem worth it anymore to try again.
He could not blame her.
And that is why – once again – Raj could not let his feelings show.
Even if he did hope, deep inside, that Missy might reconsider one day, he knew he could not push her. It was not what she needed.
She needed a friend. Someone who was by her side without trying to get into her pants.
And Raj was determined to be exactly who Missy needed. He wanted to make her life easier. To be there for her when she would be starting her new life in California. He wanted to be the person she could turn to and feel safe with.
He had known that before, but he had realized it even more when he had talked to Sheldon about it, right after coming clean about this other silly crush he used to have.
"I know, your sister has been through a horrible time.", he had explained to Sheldon. "I know she does not plan on ever dating again and I will always respect her boundaries. But I want to be honest with you. I do have feelings for her. And in case it will ever work out, I want you to be okay with it. Because I know what it is like when your friend dates your sister, and I do not want this to become an issue between us."
He could see the conflicting emotions flickering over his friend's eyes. The protectiveness he felt for his sister.
"You have feelings for her?", Sheldon had asked him then. "You mean like you just told me you had feelings for Amy? Like you had feelings for Penny and Bernadette and pretty much every woman that has ever smiled at you? Like the women you dated simultaneously? The one you broke up with the second you thought someone else was hitting on you? Because I don't think I could be on board with you having these kinds of feelings for my sister."
"That's harsh… but… I guess it is a fair point.", Raj had admitted. "I am not like you, Sheldon. I have been desperate for love for a long time, and I made mistakes because of it. But this is different. I care about Missy. More than I have cared about anyone I was involved with before."
"Missy does not need this.", Sheldon had told him sternly. "What she needs is a fresh start. To catch her breath and focus on herself and her family. She does not need someone to wait for his chance to get her into bed in a weak moment. If you are just projecting your feelings of loneliness on someone, then please find someone who is not my sister. She has been through enough."
"That's not what I want to do.", Raj answered calmly. "I want to be her friend. I want to get to know her better. I want to be a part of her new life in any capacity she wants me to. But I swear, I will never take advantage of a weak moment. I am serious about Missy, Sheldon. I cherish her friendship and I will not risk it. If anything should happen between us one day, then only if she is in a good place and completely sure it is what she wants."
Sheldon had taken a few deep breaths then.
"I am not sure I like this.", he had admitted.
"I know.", Raj had nodded. "But Sheldon… This is not just me not wanting to end up alone. I care about Missy. I truly do. I respect her. It might never happen anyway, but in case it does, I do ask you to keep an open mind to the possibility that it could be good. For me and for her."
"Fair enough.", Sheldon had sighed in the end. "But I swear, Raj, if I ever hear that you hurt her or pushed her or took advantage of her in any way… or even just pestered her to start something, or… or…"
"Won't happen.", Raj had promised.
"I'll be watching you. Closely.", Sheldon had huffed then. "But… alright. If you really are serious, then I will not be standing in your way."
"Thank you."
"Which does not mean I will not hope it won't be happening."
"Understood."
"And I will be taking her side in whichever fight you two might ever have."
"I know."
There had been a pause then. A long one, with Sheldon still staring him down.
At last, his friend's gaze had softened.
"Do you think she could be… your Amy?"
Raj had swallowed hard.
"I think… it's possible. I just don't know if… I am capable of being her Sheldon. But I do hope that I could."
"Never put it that way in front of her though.", Sheldon had advised him. "She's my twin sister. She'll find it gross."
Raj probably should not have found this remark as funny as he did, but he couldn't help it. He started chuckling which turned into loud laughter with Sheldon joining in very soon.
"You are a good friend, Raj.", Sheldon said as they were able to speak again. "And you are not the worst person I could see my sister with. So… I guess… although I might not like it… I wish you good luck."
Sheldon had patted his back and then he was out the door.
Only minutes after, Raj had received a text, that made his heart swoop in his chest.
And now, hours later, after a beautiful conversation on his friend's front porch, he way lying on his air mattress next to Howard.
Unable to find sleep.
He was still awake when Sheldon returned from his late-night walk with Amy.
It was strange to think that his friend, Sheldon Cooper, was getting married in less than twelve hours.
And he would be attending. With his friend's sister. And her little son. As their friend.
He would sit with them during the ceremony and the reception. Have food with them. Talk to them. Missy had even promised him a dance.
And even if he was not hoping for anything more to happen – he knew it was probably much too soon for that – just the thought of spending this time with Missy and her amazing kid… to see them laugh after everything they had to endure. To be with them during this special night, seeing their mutual friends get married… that alone felt like a dream come true.
He couldn't wait.