Now and Forever
Chapter 6
Christine reread Mike's note for the third time. He had expressed his love for her, how much he had missed her and how he wanted a second chance, or as he put it, a hundredth chance. She jumped when Dr. Fitzpatrick knocked on the door, not expecting a visitor.
"The nurse said you didn't eat your lunch. Any reason?" Dr. Fitzpatrick asked.
"Honestly, just habit. I am a receptionist at a doctor's office. Or was. I might be fired now. Anyway, lunch hour is always busiest because people call for their appointments during their lunch hours, or they come in for appointments during lunch hours, so I am just not used to eating lunch anymore." Christine explained.
"Your husband has talked to your boss. Says everything is fine and you can go back when you're ready." Dr. Fitzpatrick said.
"Of course, he has." Christine said.
"He also says that the girls and he really miss you." Dr. Fitzpatrick remarked.
"I don't deserve that." Christine answered sharply.
"He also said you would say that." Dr. Fitzpatrick said.
"Did he tell you why?" Christine asked.
"He told me a few things but how about you tell me?" Dr. Fitzpatrick asked.
"Mike and I…we had been having issues for a while before the Red Flu. I hated his job. Wanted him home. He wanted to get captaincy. I complained, overspent, yelled, kicked him out of our bed, you name it. He just kept coming back. Then I found this guy…Paul. I couldn't stand him but figured that would be the final straw for Mike. It was our anniversary, and I knew Mike was making plans for the kids to stay at friends. I purposely invited Paul over and Mike caught us in bed." Christine explained once she sat back down on the bed.
"And?" Dr. Fitzpatrick asked.
"He was upset and angry, but he stayed. I even said that he was loyal like a dog. I still don't know why he stayed. I wouldn't have if I had caught him in bed with someone else, but Mike is inherently loyal." Christine continued.
"My guess is…you have been beating yourself up over that for years. How long was it before he left?" Dr. Fitzpatrick questioned.
"Less than a week." Christine answered.
"Honestly; I think that you push him away because you don't feel deserving of him, or maybe even your daughters." Dr. Fitzpatrick said.
"I don't know. Mike has always been a good husband. He just wasn't home much but when he was home; he was good to me and the kids." Christine answered.
"So…why did you attempt suicide?" Dr. Fitzpatrick asked.
"That night, the girls were making all kinds of plans with Mike. He had said he had no intention of taking them away but how could he not? He has this fancy career. Lives in a big city. That has to more appealing to the girls." Christine answered.
"It might be but I read those notes. The girls adore you. Yes, they wanted their dad too but there is nothing wrong with that. Just because they sought him out and wanted him here, doesn't mean they didn't want you too. Now; tomorrow, Mike is wanting to come see you. Ordinarily, it wouldn't be allowed but I think it might help you. You and Mike need a breakthrough moment but as soon as you go home, your defenses go up and stay up. Here, you are on neutral ground." Dr. Fitzpatrick said.
"I can't stay here forever." Christine remarked.
"No. Traditionally; it's a 96 hour hold. If I believe you need held longer, we can do that, but you are already closing in at 48 hours." Dr. Fitzpatrick explained.
"I don't know what to say to Mike." Christine told her.
"It all starts and ends with an apology for your past behavior." Dr. Fitzpatrick remarked.
"Mike is so good. After everything, he donated blood to keep me alive. He's there, taking care of the girls. I never deserved that." Christine commented.
"Some of your behaviors would have driven a saint away, but Mike stayed. Maybe you need to ask him why. I would say because he loves you." Dr. Fitzpatrick said as she stood up.
"I'm almost scared of when he leaves again." Christine remarked.
"He is considering retirement. Not because of what you did but because he isn't sure he can leave again." Dr. Fitzpatrick said.
"As I said; he is a good man." Christine said.
"Christine, if you thought he was such a good man, a good husband and father, why did you cheat and why did you keep the girls away from him for so long?" Dr. Fitzpatrick asked.
"I was scared that he would have me listed as unfit to raise the girls, especially after Lucas died. Lucas was Mike's pride and joy. Of course, he adores the girls but Lucas was his only son. I sent Lucas to that camp and he died. When Mike called from the Arctic and I told him, he was devastated. Of course, I wasn't any too nice about it, but Mike…even then, was worried about the girls and I." Christine explained.
"Christine, a lot of people lost children in the Red Flu. There was no one to blame." Dr. Fitzpatrick said.
"I know that but believing it is easier said than done." Christine said.
"Just be honest with Mike about your fears. He'll be here at nine am tomorrow." Dr. Fitzpatrick told her.
"I'm scared." Christine admitted.
"He loves you and judging by your journal entries; you still love him and you always did." Dr. Fitzpatrick said before leaving the room. Christine stared into space, wondering what she was going to say to Mike the next morning.