Now and Forever
Chapter 8
Christine smiled at the small hospital garden. There were all kinds of flowers and even some vegetables. She picked a daisy and sat down on one of the benches. Dr. Fitzpatrick sat down next to her and smiled as some wind chimes made some noise.
"This is one of my favorite places. A family, whose daughter died, made this happen. It is tended by the hospital staff. We all use it as a place to decompress." Dr. Fitzpatrick said.
"It's lovely. I love gardening. I haven't done it as much in the recent years. Having a rental stopped me." Christine remarked.
"If it gives you peace; you should do it again. I'm sure Mike would help you." Dr. Fitzpatrick said.
"I'm scared to go home. Scared of what people will think. I don't want Mike or the girls to treat me with kid gloves. Or my coworkers." Christine told her.
"I would say that is natural. If they care about you, they will worry. Mike mentioned something when I talked to him earlier and I am not certain how you will feel about it. He mentioned once you felt a bit better; taking a couple's weekend. Kind of a way to reconnect." Dr. Fitzpatrick said.
"He was always good about stuff like that. Money was tight but Mike always managed to make a picnic on the living room floor romantic. I used to hate it but I've found I've missed it." Christine admitted.
"The yellow roses?" Dr. Fitzpatrick remarked.
"They aren't my favorites but they were his mom's. She had them growing everywhere. We had just got out high school and had no money, so he took the ring and attached it to the roses he had picked out of her front yard. Mike is very sentimental." Christine said.
"Your bedroom?" Dr. Fitzpatrick asked.
"Yeah. I actually wasn't shocked when he told me he had redone it. When Hannah was born; we were broke. I had mentioned loving a nurse's perfume. A couple days later; I had the perfume and lotion. I didn't know until a few years later that Mike had sold a watch his grandfather had given him to buy the gift. I was able to find it and buy it back for him." Christine said.
"That was sweet." Dr. Fitzpatrick said.
"Which makes it worse that I cheated on him." Christine remarked.
"Marriage is give and take. Mike said he wasn't always easy to live with." Dr. Fitzpatrick said as they got up and began walking around the garden.
"He actually was. It was when he was gone that I struggled. When he was home; he shared the load. When he was gone, I was a single parent. Most of the time; we were lucky to get a phone call a week and maybe an email daily. The walls closed in and I got lonely. Began wondering what it would be like to have someone in bed with me every night. Paul was just not the right person. Of course, no one would have been." Christine explained.
"You had the affair when he was home, though?" Dr. Fitzpatrick asked.
"It started when he was deployed. Went on about six months. I honestly was just trying to hurt Mike. Paul meant nothing to me." Christine admitted.
"But he stayed?" Dr. Fitzpatrick asked.
"And wasn't even that angry. Hurt though. He was very hurt." Christine answered.
"You have a do-over with him. He is prepared to give you what you need. I just didn't want him to pressure you if you weren't prepared for a romantic weekend." Dr. Fitzpatrick commented. Christine leaned over and smelled a rose.
"I think we need to spend some time rebuilding before we do a weekend but we'll see. Things went far better than I thought it would." Christine commented.
"Just don't pressure yourself. Remember, marriage is give and take. There will still be hard days. Days you want to rip each other's heads off." Dr. Fitzpatrick said.
"You know; I always loved Mike. He's…an enigma. He is a man's man, but he is so tender and loving to our girls. He thought nothing of showering the kids, even Lucas in affection. Very devoted father and he was also romantic." Christine remarked.
"But you wanted out of the marriage?" Dr. Fitzpatrick asked.
"No. Actually; I think I wanted to stay in the marriage but we married so young. I guess I wanted to see what else was out there and I missed having Mike at home all the time. I suppose you could say I was bored and wanted Mike's attention. I had it when he was home, but ultimately, it was about him not being home all the time." Christine answered.
"That happens when a couple gets married so young. In some ways, Mike rescued you. Initially from your father. Makes me question if what you feel for Mike was more as what we call a rescue complex. You are grateful to him, you feel you owe him but the love you feel is more…like a friend, maybe?" Dr. Fitzpatrick suggested.
"I love Mike but maybe you are right. I would just not want to hurt him by telling him that." Christine insisted.
"Christine, you have to be honest with him. He deserves that. You care deeply for him, even love him, but you may not be in love with him." Dr. Fitzpatrick said.
"I can't do that to him. He is a good man. A good husband and father. It would make every time I have told him that I love him a lie." Christine said as they got back to her hospital room.
"Not a lie. You care very deeply for him and maybe you do love him. Just not the same way he loves you. But, you can build something again." Dr. Fitzpatrick said.
"If I tell him this; he may not want to. I…could just keep pretending. As I said; Mike is a good man. A good husband and father. He doesn't deserve this." Christine insisted.
"If you don't tell him; it will wear on you. You will always wonder what it would be like to have that one love." Dr. Fitzpatrick said.
"I have that. I have Mike. Maybe our marriage is less than perfect but he loves me. He loves our girls. We will grieve for Lucas together finally. And maybe we can grow something again…something better." Christine insisted. Dr. Fitzpatrick held her hands up in defeat.
"Just think about it. Mike deserves the truth. He might be hurt and dejected at first but he is a good husband who will see you through it." Dr. Fitzpatrick answered.
"I'll think about it. What time is Mike supposed to be here?" Christine asked. As if on cue; he walked in and gave her a big smile.
"Here I am. Are you ready to go home?" Mike asked. He kissed her forehead and had wrapped his arms around her.
"Christine, remember what I said. Also, my nurse set your next up for next week; Wednesday at noon. If you start feeling overwhelmed, find Mike or one of your daughters; or just call. Don't try to do it on your own." Dr. Fitzpatrick said. She gave Christine a hug and patted Mike on the shoulder after he had picked up Christine's bags. She grabbed her flowers that Mike had gotten the previous day and nodded at Dr. Fitzpatrick.
"Thank you so much for your help. I will see you next week." Christine answered.
"You're welcome." Dr. Fitzpatrick answered. Mike led Christine out of the room. She nodded at Dr. Fitzpatrick and followed Mike.