It's My Life
Dinner had been going pretty peacefully for the students of Hogwarts, and the highlight of Harry's night had been his former head of house giving him a biscuit for what he said to Dolores Umbridge. Harry never anticipated Professor McGonagall would have told him job well done on what he said to Umbridge, but it felt nice; it showed him that he had a lot of people on his side. Somewhere in the Halloween Feast, Albus had announced that he thought it would be fun to change things up during meals and let music play. Of course, this was a charmed muggle stereo playing whatever happened to come on. Harry had recognized most of it from living with his aunt and uncle and it seemed a lot of the muggle-born or half-blood children who grew up in semi muggle homes knew the music playing. It was a nice gesture, but not many really just jumped out to start singing or dancing. With good reason, it might look strange to those who didn't really understand.
"The music is weird, but enjoyable." Pansy commented.
"A lot of us don't have this in our households." Blaise added.
"A fair number, if not all pure bloods don't listen to muggle music." Millicent Bulstrode informed. "I'm sure Harry gets it."
"I grew up full muggle, so yeah," Harry shrugged.
"Explain it to us, Harry. What's the point?" Theodore asked.
"Entertainment, mostly." Harry shrugged. "Background noise. It's no different than the music you listen to, only this has words with it."
"Like the chorus that sometimes sings with the frogs?" Daphne inquired.
"Exactly. That's all it is. A person, or group of people singing with music behind them. Songs are typically created with a specific message to pass to listeners. It's…Fun. Artists are more than people who paint pictures, there are musical artists too and it's purely their job to just create music and words that go together." Harry explained.
"Well, Dumbledore said people should get up to sing and dance and no one is." Vincent mentioned.
"Because it was thrown on us to do, and a lot of people have a fear of singing in front of big groups." Harry informed. "People at Gryffindor table are doing it; you just can't hear them."
"How do you know?" Draco wondered.
"I can see them mouthing the words to whatever is playing." Harry chuckled. "Only the muggle-born or half-blood students though. I'm sure there are others across the room doing it too, but no one actually wants to start singing alone." When a new song started, Harry laughed a little at seeing his friends in Gryffindor getting excited and start singing along. "See, there they go as a group."
"Just a small town girl. Living in a lonely world. She took the midnight train going anywhere." Angelina Johnson started off.
"Just a city boy. Born and raised in South Detroit. He took the midnight train going anywhere." Lee Jordon continued.
"A singer in a smokey room," Katie Bell smiled.
"The smell of wine and cheap perfume," Terry Boot from Hufflepuff joined in.
It was now that almost anyone actually singing the song had stood up from their seats, smiling and looking at those all around. "For a smile, they can share the night. It goes on, and on, and on, and on. Strangers waiting, up and down the boulevard. Their shadows searching in the night. Streetlight people, are living just to find emotion. Hiding, somewhere in the night!" The group sang together as just the music took over. As the music was about to hit that queue to start singing again, Hermione joined with the others. The group of students forming up to sing in the middle of the room, just ahead of the teacher's table.
"Working hard to get my fill. Everybody wants a thrill. Paying anything to roll the dice, just one more time…" Hermione started off the next verse.
"Some will win. Some will lose…" Luna continued.
"Some were born to sing the blues! All the moping never ends. It goes on, and on, and on, and on…" Lavender Brown and Justin Finch-Fletchey sang together.
"Strangers waiting, up and down the boulevard. Their shadows searching in the night. Streetlight people, living just to find emotion. Hiding, somewhere in the night!" The group of students singing all turned their sides, raising their arms up.
"Don't stop." Cho Chang sang out.
"Don't stop believin'! Hold onto that feeling. Streetlight people. Don't stop believin'. Hold onto the feeling! Streetlight people. Don't stop!" The group continued together.
When the song came to an end, the group of those who had sung put themselves into a bow and then laughed and were hugging and high fiving one another.
"See, I told you they'd eventually join in." Albus told the teachers.
"It was wonderful." Minerva clapped with Sybil Trelawney, Poppy Pomfrey, and Pamona Sprout. Some of the male teachers were clapping too and of course, other students were in an uproar of cheering.
"Do it again!" Someone called out.
"Should we?" Seamus asked the others.
"From our seats would be acceptable." Dean mentioned.
Everyone agreed and returned to their seat.
"Are you doing more?" Pansy inquired.
"Me? No, no. I don't sing." Harry informed calmly.
"Umbridge looks hacked off." Theodore snickered.
"That's because she knows we're rising against her. She wants to control the school and this isn't control to her, she's obviously against fun." Harry rolled his eyes.
"So she's mad because so far, all the music has been centered around not letting her bring anyone down?" Blaise remarked.
"Yep." Harry nodded.
"I want to scream top of my lungs. Not sitting back, won't hold my tongue…" Hermione started.
"No, some things are different than we thought. There's more to life than what we're taught. I'm speaking up, enoughs enough. Cause I can't go on this way, gotta wake up and be brave. But I know I'll face the fire if I say…" Hermione and Cho sang together. "I'm gonna stand strong. Nothing's stopping me. I'll be loud, you'll hear me now. I'm gonna stand tall. Take it to the top. I'll be free, can't bring me down. So I'll rise, won't turn back. I won't hide who I am…I'm gonna stand." They continued as people began to rise, so did others who had joined in.
"Done living life inside the lines. Following the rules and playing nice. Yeah, I'm stepping up with all my strength, even if they think it's a mistake. Won't turn my back, won't close my eyes…On the edge, I'll risk it all. It's worth the chance that I might fall. So I'm not backing down, believe when I say!" Luna sang, Harry only looked at Umbridge, who was silently fuming.
"I'm gonna stand strong. Nothing's stopping me…I'll be loud, you'll hear me now. I'm gonna stand tall, take it to the top. I'll be free, can't bring me down. So I'll rise, won't turn back. I won't hide who I am. I'm gonna stand. I'm gonna stand! Oh-oh…" The group sang together.
"How can I just forget all the things in my head?" Hermione continued softly.
"Just stand, You just stand…" Dean sang.
"And if I stand, will I fall?" Hermione went on.
"Trying to knock down these walls…" Lavender and Hermione smiled gently.
"What if I don't know where I stand?!" Hermione sang.
"Stand!" Luna told her. Hermione smiled and stood up.
"I'm gonna stand strong. Nothing's stopping me. I'll be loud, you'll hear me now. I'm gonna stand tall, take it to the top. I'll be free, can't bring me down. So, I'll rise. Won't turn back. I won't hide who I am! I'm gonna stand! Yeah. I'm gonna stand, yeah! I'm gonna stand! I'm gonna stand, yeah…I'm gonna stand." They finished together, laughing and then sat back down.
"Think that got the message across?" Draco grinned as he pointed to Umbridge.
"I'd like to think so, but there are so many more songs that could get it across and tick her off at the same time…" Harry told him.
"So I take it this singing thing was a normal in Gryffindor?" Vincent asked.
"Once in a while. I told you before we had fun." Harry stated.
"Professor Snape looks like he's trying not to lose it with laughter that we're riling up Umbridge." Blaise remarked.
"So is McGonagall, Flitwick, Hooch, and Sprout." Draco informed. "They're loving it."
"Because they hate her." Harry informed. "They just can't do anything about it, especially if Dumbledore is allowing it."
"You think they're working together?" Pansy asked.
"I bet you anything that's why he wants to talk to me tonight…" Harry mentioned. "To ask why I was outside the wards over the summer."
"Just tell him you needed a break from your abusive relatives and see what he says. Play it by his responses, Harry…Give nothing away." Draco told him.
"He knows how to get in my head, Draco…I've felt it in the past. He knows how to see past the surface, like he knows what I'm thinking. I'm starting to think he's a telepath or mind reader." Harry said.
"No, he's gotta be good in Legilimency." Blaise informed calmly.
"What's that?" Harry asked.
"It's a skill that lets someone look into your mind. Those really good at it can cast the spell without having to speak it, so in a sense…Yes, those who can do this can be considered mind readers. Those really good at it communicate with others the same way like a telepath link." Draco enlightened. "I know Sev is really good at both doing the looking in and blocking people out. I think it's called Occlumency." He thought for a moment. "Just focus really hard on clearing your mind before you talk to Dumbledore, Harry. And maybe on the side, ask Snape to train you in the skill of blocking others out. Trust me, he's really good at it to keep Voldemort out of this thoughts as a double spy. My mom and dad are pretty good too."
"Thanks, Draco. I'll ask Severus later or tomorrow…I gotta get through tonight with Dumbledore first." Harry sighed.
"You can do this, Harry…" Draco reassured. "We believe in you, but you have to believe in yourself too. Clear your mind…Try to shove all thoughts, worries, and fears behind an impenetrable wall in your mind. That's the basis of Occlumency, shielding yours thoughts behind very strong barriers."
"I'll do my best." Harry nodded. "If he tries anything to change me, Draco…When I get back to the common room, you need to ask me something only you know I would know. Something I would say. If it sounds like anything that's not me, take me right to Professor Snape and have him run a diagnostic to see if I was spelled or dosed with anything." He informed. Draco stared at Harry, but nodded to what he requested.
. . .
The rest of the meal was nice, a few more songs performed. Overall, everyone did enjoy it so Albus said he'd start doing it more throughout the week. Harry filed out with everyone and headed for Albus's office to meet the man for this talk they apparently had to have. Harry worked the entire journey to the headmaster's office on blocking his thoughts. Reaching the office, Harry spoke the password and got on the stairs. He stood before the door and took a breath before knocking.
"Come in." Came Albus's voice.
Harry opened the door and walked in, closing it behind him. "I was told you wanted to see me, headmaster?" He kept calm and gave nothing away.
"Ah, my boy! Yes…Come right in, have a seat." Albus greeted. Harry walked forward, taking a seat in the chair before his desk. "Lemon drop?"
"No, thank you, sir. I'm quite full from dinner." Harry responded. "Why did you want to see me? I'm tired and would like to return to my common room for a shower before bed…" His rings weren't giving away that he was in danger, but his gut said otherwise. It was nauseating, in fact.
"Yes, your…Friends in Slytherin said you were feeling a bit ill earlier. How are you now?" Albus inquired.
"Better, headmaster." Harry informed.
"Wonderful. If that changes, go right to Madam Pomfrey." Albus smiled. "Now, I wanted to talk to about this past summer…I got alerts that you had left the wards at your aunt and uncle's house. Would you care to tell me why you left them?"
"I needed a break from them." Harry replied.
"Harry, I know you don't like staying with them…But it's for your own good. Especially now that the dark lord has returned to his physical body." Albus reminded.
"Like staying with them?" Harry arched a brow, anger beginning to rise. "Professor Dumbledore, with all due your respect…You know that I loathe living with them, wards to protect me or not…" He remarked.
"I know you don't like their punishments, but I assure you it's perfectly normal for children who misbehave to be punished for their actions. It's the same in life, actions have consequences." Albus told him.
"So on your admission…It's perfectly acceptable for me to be beaten and starved when I haven't done anything wrong? I literally just exist there as their house elf, do all the cooking and cleaning?" Harry asked. "It's abuse, headmaster."
"I'm sorry you see it that way but it is not," Albus sighed.
"Being punched, kicked, starved, and whipped isn't abuse to you?" Harry asked, his voice like ice and definitely an angry fire burning in his eyes.
"It's not that bad, Harry…" Albus assured.
"If you'd bothered to check in once in a while, you'd see it for yourself." Harry scoffed. "If that is all, headmaster…I'll be returning to Slytherin now."
"No, it is not, Harry…" Albus stopped him from leaving. "I'd like to speak to you about your sorting change."
"Take that up with the hat, which resorted me." Harry said.
"I understand that hat thinks you belong in Slytherin, Harry…But we established over the years that you are a true Gryffindor and despite the hat's insistence, I would like to see you return there tonight. I will ensure you have proper robes for classes." Albus informed.
"No." Harry refused.
"I don't believe I gave you a choice, Harry. It is what is best for you," Albus stared at him, the twinkle in his eyes fading off and his voice becoming firm. "You will return to Gryffindor."
Harry felt a wave of magic come towards him, but he glanced to his rings as it was flashing in warning. The same it did with Umbridge. "I will not. That hat always wanted me in Slytherin and yes, I fought it in first year…But I've seen that Slytherin is just fine and I didn't argue with the decision this time. I like it there, and I'm happy. I'm staying."
"You are being most difficult, Harry. I've gotten reports from Professor Umbridge about your defiance as well, I'm not impressed. I'm rather disappointed." Albus said.
Harry struggled to keep his anger in check. "Professor Umbridge is nothing but a hypocritical liar and used a blood quill on me!" Harry argued.
"She has the authority to use whatever she likes." Albus said.
"It's not the prescribed disciplinary practices of the school. I've looked into them and using a dark artifact is forbidden." Harry remarked. "You wanna talk about disappointment, let's talk about how you're allowing a child to live with abusive relatives, and only saying it's for the best. At this point, between Umbridge and the Dursley's…I would rather fight Voldemort and die against him than deal with either of the two again." Harry admitted.
"Harry Potter!" Albus gasped. "You don't mean that."
"I do…In fact, just this summer I begged for death…Just to get away from it all. Everything you subject me to, headmaster." Harry told him. "Don't presume to tell me what I do and don't mean, or how I feel. You want honesty, I'm giving it to you." He glared. "I am not going back to Gryffindor and I'll leave the Dursley's whenever I need to get away to protect myself. You don't control me, sir…The only place I'm ever actually in any danger of nearly dying is here, in this school. I refuse to subject myself to it anymore. If Umbridge comes at me again, I'll defend myself. If my relatives attack me again, I'll defend myself. If the ministry expels me and snaps my wand, whatever. That is how done I am with things." Harry admitted. "Now, I am leaving to go back to my common room…Goodnight, headmaster." Harry turned and left the room.
A barrier appeared to stop him from walking out as Albus rose. "I think not." His voice was firm. "You will obey, Harry…" Harry saw the man's wand come out and Harry saw his rings glowing; he was in danger. Harry reached for the necklace under his shirt, only lightly fingering the gem.
'Severus!' Harry yelled out in his mind.