The Young Ones

Chapter 15: What is in a Name?

TW: brief mention of rape in this chapter.

Harry was curled up on one of the armchairs in the library, reading over the list of names his mum had found out for him to peruse. He was alone in the room, the sound of the crackling fire in the fireplace the only thing he could really hear inside the room, though he could just about make out some laughs, squeals and shouts from the garden where the kids and his friends were playing. He smiled slightly at the sounds of joy he heard, his heart and stomach felt a good kind of funny.

And yet there was still that never changing throb of pain that pulsed through him as he thought of what might be coming… if they couldn't fix it.

The door to the room opened and he looked up to find Tom standing by the door, looking at him with some level of concern in his eyes. The smile tugged at Harry's lips all the more.

"How are you feeling?" Tom asked as he moved to the sofa near Harry's armchair.

"Tired but otherwise okay, I think. And yourself?" Harry said.

"I'm fine," Tom huffed slightly, and Harry just smiled at him understandingly.

"May I…" Harry nibbled slightly at his lips in both thought and nervousness, "May I ask you something a bit personal?"

Tom looked shocked, and concerned, but he also looked intrigued as he nodded once.

"Why… why didn't you just change your name? I mean, properly, to something that didn't have to remind you of your parents. I know everyone calls you Voldemort, or The Dark Lord, or You-Know-Who, or whatever, but why didn't you just change it to something, officially, to something more ordinary? Start fresh as it were. Allow yourself to be yourself, with no ties to the past, or what could have been," Harry said, nerves fussing his stomach because he was sure he had just pushed too many boundaries, especially when everything that was happening around them was so new.

Tom looked shocked for a few seconds before looking at the fire dancing in the fireplace, his eyes dark with thought and perhaps a million other things.

"I'm sorry, I shouldn't-"

"It's okay, Harry," Tom said, and it was now Harry's turn to look at the older man in shock, "I know you're only sixteen, and if we were to do anything at the moment Severus would probably kill me. But I believe we both want the kids, we both want that future in which we are married and you are the mother of my six children, maybe more if you want them and things go okay," Tom sighed, "And married couples share these kinds of things, right? They talk to each other about their lives, experiences, feelings, whatever else. They communicate. Or they're meant to. And I know we aren't married yet, and maybe won't be for a while, but I don't mind you asking about these things. And I will answer what I feel comfortable talking about at that time,"

"If we want them," Harry said, his lips tugging up again, "I don't want to keep having kids if you don't want more. I don't want you resenting them, or me. It is only right that we both get a say in how many children we have,"

"R-right," Tom said, nodding in agreement, his lip twitching slightly also, "In regards to my name… I think that, perhaps, I didn't change it because I don't really hate it. Not as much as the old man would like people to believe that I do anyway. And not for the reasons he says, either. I had thought about changing my name, properly, a number of times, but I could never pick one, and I think it is because I didn't actually want to. I hate that my father hated me, that he left. But I don't hate that I am named after him. I understand why he hated me. And, perhaps, under different circumstances he wouldn't hate me. But the circumstances are that my mother essentially raped him by drugging him with that love potion. He had every right to leave. I just wish I understood that when I was younger," he huffed, "I guess I wanted to keep my name as it was as a reminder that, in another world, I would perhaps have a parent that cared. If my mother hadn't done what she did. Perhaps I would have had both of them. It's stupid, I know, but-"

"It's not stupid," Harry said softly, his heart clenching.

"Hm," Tom hummed, "I also just really didn't have the patience to fill out all that paperwork,"

Harry chuckled, "It's not that much paperwork,"

"I know," Tom chuckled, "Realistically, though, I think I just," he sighed, "I think I just hoped for something that told me that not all muggles were bad. I mean, by all accounts he wasn't a good person, even before my mother did what she did. But, part of me still hoped that, if things had been different he could have been good. He could have wanted me. Foolish, maybe, but I wanted to cling to it anyway, I think,"

"Not all muggles are bad," Harry whispered.

"I know that, logically," Tom chuckled darkly, "There was some evidence of good in the books I read as a child, or in the small acts of kindness I would see on the street between people, or even amongst the other kids in the orphanage. And yet, most of what I saw and lived through was bad. Especially with the adults. They thought I was possessed by the devil or some other evil spirit, even tried exorcising me once. Then there was the war. Despite the fact that the government evacuated the kids, or a lot of them, they didn't bother with the ones in orphanages. I was there, in London, as it was being blown apart, night after night for whatever time I wasn't at Hogwarts. It's enough to put the fear of death, of people, in anyone, but especially when you're young,"

"You shouldn't have had to deal with any of that," Harry said, not really sure what else he could say.

"And you shouldn't have had to deal with what the people you thought were your relatives did to you," Tom whispered softly, looking at Harry with pain and apology in his eyes, "I'm sorry I killed James and Lily. I know it doesn't mean much, I mean, I was crazy, but I shouldn't have-"

"Tom, I forgive you," Harry said, smiling slightly in the face of Tom's renewed shock, "Perhaps I don't have the right to forgive you for them. But given that, from what the kids have said, you may have spoken to them in the future, I am assuming that they forgive you also. It's not your fault you went down the path that others built for you. You did what you felt you had to, and yes, you were crazy. But you aren't now. And you have the opportunity to make things right, to make sure that the country is safe from people who would lead children down those paths. To make Hogwarts safe. And I fully believe that you can do that, if you put your mind to it. And we are all here to help you do it, too. You aren't alone anymore, Tom,"

"Neither are you," Tom whispered, Harry thought there was some awe in him, too, and he understood that.

"I know," Harry smiled.

"So, have you found a name for yourself yet?" Tom said, coughing slightly.

"I, well, I like all of them on the list, but maybe I should just go for what they had wanted to name me anyway, right? I mean, if things had gone the way they should have then it is the name I would have grown up with, right?"

"Xander Leo Snape-Black," Tom smiled slightly, "It's nice. It fits. But I do believe Severus has given you the chance to pick your own name, even if it isn't the one he and Regulus had settled on,"

"I know, I just… I'm not very good at making decisions. And I don't want to hurt him even more by choosing something else. Something that they had decided not to name me, for whatever reason," Harry said, biting his lip again as he glanced down at the small piece of parchment he was holding with the names he was almost given written down on it.

He found it rather shocking that Hadrian was one of them. He could have grown up with a nickname of Harry if his parents had given him that name, and he was raised by them.

"Severus will love you no matter what name you choose for yourself. He is letting you choose, Harry, because he knows that you deserve a say in something. You have gone so long without a say in anything you have gone through, and this is an opportunity to pick something for yourself. You didn't even really get to pick me, the kids showed up and you have been with me ever since, and apparently will be with me even after everything we have been through in the past. You are still wanting to set all of that aside so that the kids will be born, without you really having a true say in who you marry. At least let yourself choose your name based on what you want, and if you find you do truly want to be named Xander, then that is fine. But make sure it is truly what you want. It will hurt him, both of you, more if you resent the name, or hate it, or whatever," Tom said gently.

"If things went as they did in the kid's timeline then I am sure I would have still chosen you, Tom," Harry whispered, "Just because they came here, it doesn't mean anything. I may still be a necromancer, and if that is the case then the vast majority of the Light will have shunned me. I would still have found out about Severus being my mum. I would still have left the Light and came to you, especially when I found out you were sane again. I would have come, and we would have worked together, and we would have done everything the kids have told us so far, and everything they haven't. We are on that timeline, we are just trying to change it, for our present selves. No matter whether the kids had come or not, we still would have ended up together. I have no doubts about that. And yeah, maybe it seems like I don't have a choice, because I really do want the kids to be born. But realistically, I could have decided to just look after them for the year they are here then run off with someone else. That could have been a choice. But I won't make it, because I want them. And I want you," Harry said, smiling slightly at the flare of jealousy in Tom's expression.

"Why do you want me?" Tom said quietly.

"I've always thought that you and I were rather similar. Others have thought that, too, but they aren't important. On top of that there is the way you are with the kids, the way you have been with me since everything happened. You are caring, and loving, and everything I have been told that you aren't my whole time back in the Wizarding world. You intrigue me. You make me feel things. And you would do anything to protect our family. I also may have developed a crush on you after the whole Chamber of Secrets thing. Or the sixteen year old version of you, though you look rather like him now," Harry said.

"Remind me to have words with Lucius about that little incident," Tom grumbled, though there was a glint in his eyes, too.

"Will do," Harry beamed.

"What did you mean by 'I may still be a necromancer'?" Tom said, both curious and concerned.

"Oh, no one's told you yet?" Harry said, fidgeting slightly in his chair.

"Told me what?" Tom said.

"I, erm… Well, apparently this is something that is known to necromancers and their families, and why necromancy is so rare and such… But… In order to be a necromancer you need to die, then come back to life, seven times, before your seventeenth birthday," Harry said, looking back down at his thighs, where his hands were fiddling with the list of names that was still in them.

"Seven times," Tom whispered in shock, and Harry thought he could hear a small choke of pain in there, too, "Have I caused some of those times?"

"I don't know, Tom. I don't even know if I have died seven times. Apparently you find out when and how, when you get your inheritance," Harry said.

Harry looked up again and saw something dark and painful in Tom's eyes that almost made him look away.

"I'm sorry," Tom whispered, "But you aren't dying again, even if it means you don't become a necromancer. I'm sorry, but you aren't allowed to die again,"

Harry chuckled slightly, "I have already told mum that I'll try not to,"

"Good," Tom nodded.

…

"I want my name to be Xander Leo Snape," Harry said to his mum after they had finished putting the kids to bed and moved to Harry's bedroom, just the two of them.

Severus looked at him in shock, and awe, and love, and everything good.

"Just Snape? And are you sure about the Xander, it reminds you of everything you have been through, and I don't mind if you want something different-"

"I want Xander. It's the name that you and dad wanted to give me. I liked the other names, too, but you settled on that name for a reason. I know you wanted to give me the opportunity to choose something to do with my life, but I am choosing to be named what I was always meant to be named. Just without the Black. I love dad, don't get me wrong. Even though I didn't have the opportunity to know him, I love him. He is my dad. He loved me. He wanted me. But you… You have been here, on your own all these years, thinking I was dead, and loving me despite that. Wanting me back. And here I am, and I want your name, only your name, because I think that will mean more to both of us. You are my only parent here. I love you, I don't blame you for what happened, it wasn't your fault, and I want you to know that. Always," Harry said, trying to swallow down his tears as he looked into the dark eyes that held so much pain.

The man swallowed thickly, "Are you sure?" his mum said, his throat bobbing a few times as a tear slid down the pale cheek.

"I'm sure, mum," Harry said, smiling sadly at the man.

"Okay, we can fill out the paperwork in the morning," Severus said softly, his lips tugging upwards a fraction, "Can I hold you?"

"Always,"

They ended up laying on the bed, curled around each other as both tried and failed not to cry.

"I love you, Xander," his mum whispered.

And there was something about hearing his soon to be new name at that moment that both tore him to shreds and seemed to heal a tiny part of his heart and mind.

"I love you, too, mum,"

Hiya, how are you all today?

I hope you enjoyed the chapter... I couldn't think of any other names to be honest, because my brain fog, depression and chronic fatigue are really messing me up at the moment, haha. But I am pushing through, and Xander fits, I think, I hope. Anyway, kids will be back in the next chapter, I promise. I think we be needing some family fluff.

Anywho, I posted an essay/petition where I (un)officially explain why I think I should be cast as my favourite character, Severus Snape, in the new HBO series, despite the fact that I am a woman. It would mean a lot if you went and read it, but no pressure. It isn't going to lead to anything, unless, by some miracle, it goes viral, but it was fun to write. It is on my AO3, Maraudering_Paige. Feel free to go and check it out.

Also, I am working on some Spotify playlists for my fanfics, so if you can think of any songs you think work with the stories as they are so far, or where you think they are going, or songs that give you the vibes you get from the stories, then please do let me know and I will give them a listen, then potentially add them to the playlists. If you would like to go and give them a listen as they are now then you can find me on Spotify under the name Maraudering_Paige. They aren't that long at the moment, but we are making progress and I will continue adding to them the more music I listen to and when I have the time to do so. But still, if you can think of any relevant songs then do let me know.

I have a Facebook group called Maraudering_Paige which you are all welcome to join if you would like to and are able to. It is where we can talk about Harry Potter, fanfics, life, share memes and more. It is also where I have somewhat of an update schedule for my fics and will be keeping you up to date on what I am working on, in regards to fanfics, original works, and more things. So if you are interested in joining then I am more than happy to accept you all.

I also now have a TikTok and an Instagram for my fanfic writing escapades. The username is maraudering_paige on both of them so feel free to follow me, and we shall see how often and what kinds of content I can post when I can. But it is another way for me to keep you all up to date if you don't have Facebook and such, and for me to spread the word about other things I am working on and things I want to do and such. So yeah, feel free to join me on those if you are able.

And finally, if you like poems, then I write them and I have started a where you can read 1 or more poems every month depending on how many I have the time to post. You also get access to information about my original books I am working on before anyone else. And you get your name listed in the acknowledgements section of any book I publish whilst you are a Patron. For as little as £1.11 (plus VAT) a month. If you would like to join me over there and read some rants I call poems, and get updates on original work, then you may. My username over there is Paige_Makepeace. No pressure, by the way, you certainly do not have to if you can't or don't want to. I understand. I just thought it would be a cool thing to try. Any money made from this will go towards helping me write and publish the original novels I am working on. Including the one I am hoping to publish first which is a slow-burn, witchy, bisexual/lesbian enemies to lovers book. You will also be able to read the first draft of the first chapter of my book, so, if you are interested in doing that then feel free to go and subscribe if you want to.

If there are any other platforms you think I should join you all on then let me know and I will have a think.

I hope you are having an amazing day!

Kind regards,

Paige xx