"I Don't know where I was everything was so peaceful as I traveled through a dark portal, I wasn't afraid, I was happy that my mortal body no longer hurts, I desired to go, I hate the idea of never seeing Edward or Jacob ever again.. but I rather not go back and feel the horrible pain of being mutilated.
"It was so beautiful, the light that shined so bright, I saw my father, grand mother, and I hope there is a heaven for vampires so that Edward could join me when his existence is over, hopefully his family will help him getting over his pain, He has a family so I'm convinced that they won't let him out of their sight incase he makes plans to join her in the afterlife. Hopefully Jacob won't kill Leah if the truth comes out, She doesn't want the pack to disown him, Hopefully with Seth, Sue, and the rest of the werewolves will comfort him and maybe when he imprints he can heal from his loss.
I was standing in a white area, my father left the mortal plane and I followed him, holding his hand to take me to the after life, but something was wrong, before I could take a step further my hand slipped out his grip he started to become smaller as he traveled away with with his hand stretched out for me to grab, Panic surged and tried to keep up but it went too fast, " No Don't leave me behind! take me with you" I cried but the portal along with my father disappeared,
"It went dark again, I was afraid and my whole body started to hurt again, It was like getting mauled all over again, I breathed out and opened my eyes.
Where was I?" I look around I was in a coffin.. I raised my hands pushing against the insides of the lid, " No" I cried panicked, my body hurts my hands began to bleed as I tried to pound as hard as I could, I began to cry begging for help, but then a much worse pain went right through my veins.
"It burns, Oh No.. It must be the venom, if only death had claimed me, It was so peaceful where I was and now It feels like I'm going to the depths of hell, but it won't last long, I have to stay strong, when the transformation is over I can get out of this grave, It burned all over, worse than being set on fire, worse than bathing in a bath tub of acid, I wish my husbands were here to hold my hand, to see their face to give a form of relief, a way to escape reality at least mentally.
" I thought about them as a burned, my body flopped like a fish on dry land, She felt like a fool for being upset with Edward for denying her a chance to be a vampire constantly, She knows now what he tried to prevent. It went on for hours, I kept pounding the lid of the coffin as the pain became worse.
"Nooo.." This must be my punishment for being a horrible person to Edward when I returned, hurting my Jae with kissing Edward, choosing Edward over all my friends even my parents, wanting to give everything away for vampirism and even stage my death so that I can have my eternality with Edward undisturbed while the people who love me mourn someone that's not even dead.
"Such a horrible sadistic way to treat others, gosh I deserve this, I placed the locket around my wrist, whoever decided to burry me with this will have my eternal gratitude, because now I can pretend I'm not alone in this. I gave up screaming for aid as I accepted my fate.
"I couldn't open the locket to see my fathers picture to get through this but I still clutched the locket with all the strength I had, but then the burning stopped, I could sleep peacefully now as my tearful eyes closed, one final tear fell down my face as the burning was only slightly felt in my remaining finger tips, some fingers were missing, part of my leg was chewed off but it burned like all my limbs were attached.
My eyes flushed open and I felt like I could crush a tank without even trying, I reached my hand towards the lid smacked a hole with my fist, sand and dirt poured in and I broke the coffin to climb out with the golden locket still around my wrist. I couldn't lose such a precious gift after the onslaught of dirt coming in.
I climbed my way out, like a zombie one arm towered out of the soil, I grabbed the ground and I stood alone in the cemetery, It was night thank goodness.
I took a quick glance at my grave, 'Here lies Isabella Marie Cullen, beloved daughter and wife' This really hurts me, they would never see me again,
I felt my throat throb as I became more thirsty, I had to leave, in a few hours the cemetery will open and the last thing I want is hurting innocent people. I rant to the forest while my body was jerking to turn around to the town to drink but I couldn't allow it, I shut my eyes and ran as fast as I could away from civilization, I wished I could contact Edward or Jae but right now I can't be trusted around humans, I need to control this first.
Hopefully when one of them see my shattered grave they will search for me, I want to go home but right now I have no home..
-/-
"I reached the forests, not knowing for sure where I was but it's fine, I need to hunt, I feel sorry for the little critters but I'll be in much deeper regret if I lose control, Part of me wants to go to town and hunt down the worst type of humans because forest animals don't interest me, I crave for human blood.
" Oh dang it, Why can't I be good at one thing?" All I'm good at is ruining things" I scolded myself, but the quicker I gain control the easier it will be to go after the worst of the worst humans. Would Edward be disappointed? Or would he understand that I need to have human blood for a while before I can settle for Elks and mountain Lions.
Or maybe he doesn't want me anymore as a vampire, would Jae hate me like this?" I wonder. " hmm well maybe a shower will put my mind at ease,
When the dirt was washed off I let my burial gown dry over a branch, not minding being naked I tried to hunt, and as I expected I suck at hunting too,
hours have passed and I haven't catch a single squirrel. An Elk watched curiously in the distance and I raised to my feet to catch it but it got spooked and left leaving me with an empty grip, my eyes have turned black and I felt my strength leave even more, I breathed out.
What am I going to do now?
Then a chuckle echoes in the forest and I perked my ears.
"That didn't go very well" a familiar voice said.
I looked around where the voice was coming from and I was shocked seeing Edward there.
Dressed in a formal suit just like that dream I had when I saw myself as an old lady. his eyes were warm liquid gold seeming to be very happy to see me.
He smiled at me like nothing happened days ago, "Want to try again ?' Edward asked.
"Edward?" I said shocked I covered my breasts quickly wondering if he brought anyone along, There was no one there and I lowered my hands and lurched to my feet,
" How did you find me ?" I wondered.
" I followed my heart and it led me here" Edward said happy,
"Wait you're not Edward.." I said. If it was really him he would hold me so tight and cry knowing that I'm still alive. and I would have to convince him for hours that none of this is his fault.
"Am I hallucinating?" I wondered and went to the branch to see if my dress was finally dry,
Edward smiled kindly "Well that's what happens when you don't feed in time"
"Ah I see" I finally understood this is because of the thirst,
"How do I look?" Bella asked, having her dress on, with hair full of grass.
Edward smiled, " You are always beautiful to me Bella"
"But we'll spend time together later, you need to hunt" Edward said remaining very happy.
"There are plenty of wildlife over there" Edward pointed South, " Come on I'll race you there"
"Wait don't go" I pleaded and tried to keep up with him, I saw a glimpse of the Hallucination of Edward disappearing in the forest.
"Edward! not so fast please slow down" I said, I stopped running and tried to sniff to locate his scent.
" Oh I'm such a fruitcake" I scolded after slapping my forehead, " Hallucinations don't have a scent."
"Almost there slowpoke" Edward said, I looked around and found him standing on a mountain and pointed to a large grass field.
"Over there, there is a lot to choose from" Edward said.
I could see them run around but I just couldn't do it,
"Bella why aren't you hunting?" Edward asked carefree sitting next to her in a meditating position, nonchalantly enjoying his surroundings.
The sun shined but Edward didn't sparkle confirming that it's indeed a hallucination but I could at least pretend that my beloved is looking after me.
"I don't want to lose you, I mean If I drink then the hallucination of you will stop" I said.
"Well why not return back to me?" Edward said.
" Not now, I can't go back, the thirst is still horrible what if I attack humans?" I said.
"Bella you are so much stronger than you think you are" Edward said.
"Trust me"
I smiled, "Thank you.. I'm not ready to head back to civilization but when the thirst died down I will come back.. to you" I promised.
"I don't think I can wait that long" Edward said standing up cheerful.
"No wait" Bella said she wanted to grab his hand but if went through the frame.
"I love you Bella" Edward said.
" I love you too," I said. wishing I could touch him and my hand goes through his frame.
"I'll show you how to hunt" Edward said chipper.
"No," I said.
"Bella you have to," Edward shrugged, " You don't want to roam around in the forest all day do you?"
" But I don't want you to fade away, please just stay here" I argued with the hallucination. Real or not this image of Edward is my solace.
"You're better off with me, and the sooner you are in control then the sooner I can finally hold you" Edward said.
It felt like my heart could beat again, I want nothing more than being cradled by him. he must be devastated he needs to know I'm alive before he does something stupid.
"Okay you win" I said more optimistic, dusting herself off and stood next to him,
"We'll head to the Silver falls" Edward said.
"But that's quite a distance from here and I don't have a pen" I said, wishing I could write a note on a leaf.
Edward remained happy shrugging his shoulder wondering why she needs a pen for,
To leave you a message.. If we are going to the Silver waterfalls then I need to let him know where I'm at." I said.
"Don't worry Bella, I'll find you" Edward said following me.
"Well leaving a clue can't hurt" I said and left my silver moonstone ring near a tree where Edward will find it, I grabbed onto the tree hoping my scent will remain.
And the hallucination of Edward was still there I was so happy that I didn't feel alone anymore.
"Ready? Edward said and ran across the grass field with me following him.
I noticed a mountain Lion approaching a deer and despite the thirst I wanted to protect it.
" crouch" "Make you sure you don't make a sound" Edward said, I nodded doing so.
The mountain Lion attacked creating a large slash on my dress but she wasn't bleeding, the crack healed rapidly, and I tried again to stop the lion from biting by holding it's jaw with both hands. I hated how weak I felt, not feeding at all was a terrible idea.
"Force your prey into submission" Edward said when I struggled with the mountain Lion,
"How?" dang it! " I said aggravated. I rolled with the mountain Lion over the ground while Edward watched on amused.
The lion got the upper hand and grabbed me by the neck wanting to drag her on top of a tree, " Grrr why you!" I said becoming furious.
I wrestled myself from from it's jaw and got it in a headlock but the lion got out of it. The Lion pinned her down and I wrapped my legs around the Lion and rolled with it again, making somersaults together.
Edward had the time of his life seeing me struggle, this can't go any worse, Even as a Vampire I'm incompetent and clumsy, . I feel fortunate nobody is really there to see such an embarrassing performance.
"Now snap it's neck" Edward said when I managed to get on top of the feral beast.
"Well done Bella, return to me soon okay?" Edward said and I looked at his direction,
He started to fade,
" No don't" I said reaching to him but he kept fading until she was alone in the forest.
I blinked feeling a form of control when I drank from the mountain lion, I miss Edward presence already.
I will hunt 10 more lions to make sure I could trust myself again, my heart was torn and wanted to see Jacob first. Maybe he can help me and maybe contact Edward to let him now I'm safe.
And maybe get some clothing as I looked at the torn dress.
-/-
Hours have passed but I haven't managed to catch a single prey, when none of my loved ones are near I just don't feel like doing anything, the forest is so confining, and I long to just talk to someone, even if it's over the phone to at least find the motivation to keep going, a silhouette formed in front of my eyes and I gasped.
"Edward?" I asked as I brightened up,
"Hi Bella" Edward said. " You missed me?"
I shrugged in response, Edward hasn't found me yet, I hardly feels the thirst and just want to wait until I'm found. Edward will find the clue soon and will help me to hunt.
" I'm missing you very much" Edward said as he came to her side in high spirits.
"I miss you too" I said.
" But right now I can't," I admit,
"Bella, please hear me, I understand you feel alone but you need to stay strong like you always have, you still have that power, You just need to believe in it" Edward said.
" But I'm mentally exhausted, I need you here, can we please go and hunt rapists and scum together?" I asked.
" You can but I'm unable to stop you if it gets too hard for you" Edward said, like he just said something casually about his day.
I understood now that I need to get a grip, " Okay I'll hunt" I said looking at the hallucination,
" I love you.. stay with me as long as you can" I said,
"I'll try my best, but don't stay without feeding just to see me Bella, you know I want you back with me in Forks where you truly belong" Edward said.
"yes" I said acknowledging, seeing Edward again soon is the light at the end of this tunnel.
Hunting went very well, the hallucinations stopped much to my dismay but there is something better waiting for me, I began day dreaming about my eternity with Edward.
the college years we'll share when some decades have passed maybe after 20 years we'll go to college elsewhere snowy, where nobody has heard about the Cullens, Maybe Alaska. I'll miss Forks, and Arizona but It would be better if we lived somewhere else to enjoy our eternity in peace.
Then I felt like someone has arrived, a light foot step caught my attention and I looked up.
Edward stood there his eyes were black with dark purple circles around them, he looked more pale like
"Another hallucination?" I wondered..
I smiled seeing him there, wondering why he's not coming closer, I got to my feet and walked towards him. "Why the long face love?" I asked jokingly.
Edward began to cry, my eyes grew bigger this wasn't a hallucination. He fell on his knees like an invisible force punched him in his gut.
"Edward!" I called out and rushed to his side.
Edward couldn't say anything comprehensible as he grabbed on, He couldn't hold on tight, his whole frame was limp.
I grabbed him underneath his armpits like a child and hoisted him up on my lap and held him tight, I would hold on to him as long as he needs to.
"Edward.. hey.. shhh..don't cry anymore" I said but it didn't help no matter how much I firmed my grip around him, I feel him tremble and flinch even when I touch him in comfort.
So I tried something else, "I'm so happy to see you darling, I wanted to find you but the thirst.. I'm so scared I might attack people, I can't let you down like that" Bella said.
"I heard him sob, he breathed out trying to speak, "B..Bella" He whimpered.
"Yes?" I said holding his face to meet my gaze.
He observed my new face, like for a moment he couldn't believe that I'm his Bella.
"It's only me Edward, your Bella" I said, "I'll be yours forever"
"My Edward, we never have to be apart" I said, my voice sounded so alien, so different from what I'm used to, like a soft nightingale on helium, I hated it.. I wanted to sound like my former self.. to put his mind at ease, I'm Bella still but I might seem like a stranger to him, I don't know what made him so distraught. if only I could make him open up.
" Could you please say something?"
"I'm trying.." Edward whimpered, my human ears wouldn't picked it up, that's how soft he spoke. I couldn't believe that he got paralyzed by just seeing me. my undead heart has erupt with joy too, the hallucinations of Edward is what made our separation manageable, knowing we'll meet again.
"My silly Edward, take all the time you need, I'll hold on to you until you are ready" I said, He held on so tight that It made me so emotional he couldn't let go but that's fine I can't let go either, I didn't know how to cry as a vampire but my eyes became glossy,
And I kept my word, I held him until dark clouds started to mingle in the bright colors of the sunset, my throat started to burn slightly, the moon became visible in the semi light horizon. It was twilight. No matter how wonderful their reunion is, It must end, they need to hunt, to talk and leave all the bad things behind them.
"Edward.. I need to drink, I'm a bit thirsty" I said. In response he let go slightly, Bella helped him on his feet, he stared to the ground and I turned his face to my direction.
"Hey.." I tried to sound a bit like myself.
I wondered if a kiss will make him feel better. I felt his nails pin against my back when I pressed my lips against his, we were the same temperature.
I was kissed back, and this time not gentle like he always did but it was firm, I was his equal finally, he no longer has to hold back, no fear that he'll break a bone or leave a bruise, It felt so liberating.
I held his face again, hoping I got through to him now, "I'm here" I said reassuringly.
"Oh Bella I love you" Edward said burying his face in my shoulder,
"I love you more.." I said.
Hunting can wait, I needed to comfort my beloved, still assuming this could be a hallucination, I'll not leave his side until he's 100% sure I'm not going anywhere.
My thoughts shifted to Jacob, I long to reunite with him too, I don't think it's wise to go to the reservation, the treaty might go for me as well, and what If I attack Sue or Billy, the last thing I need is have Jacob hate me.. I'm deeply saddened that I turned into a being he hates the most, hopefully what he used to feel for me as a human will resurface soon.
I will always love him, if he won't or can't feel the same, then I'll have my memories of the days where he did, I'll write everything down, all the things I remember of our time before my vampire brain will cast all human experience's to the nothingness of Amnesia.
I have to see him, until Edward is at ease with our temporarily departure.
"My Edward.."
"hmm?' He responded happy and I felt him move from my shoulder to make eye contact with my bright orange red pupils.
His eyes was Onyx but they shimmered with acknowledgement and relief, relief that his trial has ended.
"I have so many questions, like what happened when I.." I stopped in mid sentence I didn't want to ask what happened while I was dead, It would put him in another comatose state.
I chose my words carefully as he finally made eye contact "What happen when I was at your house? Is Victoria still out there?" I asked.
"No, the wolves killed her, you're safe from her" Edward said, despite looking devastated he managed to smile,
"You're alive..I don't know how you did it but I'm so glad you came back.. hopefully to me" Edward said.
" But of course," I said, " I wanted to see you so bad but I don't trust myself around humans, I was fighting each hour not to find you while I'm still like this"
"Feral" I added.
"Bella you already have a huge amount of self control, this forest wouldn't have kept you barred from hunting down humans, as a new born you should be blood thirsty but you managed to keep yourself composed. "I'm so glad I'm still wanted by you" Edward said as the pain he felt finally left.
"Edward, there is no greater desire on Earth than being with you until the end of time" I said. next to my beloved Jae but I didn't want to spark another rivalry between them.
"I'm sorry I couldn't save you in time from Victoria but.. but how did you survive?.. " Edward asked.
" I don't know.. I really did die, I saw a light in the end of the tunnel, I've seen my grandmother, grand pops..
"Charlie" my voice cracked when I said my fathers name, and venom glistered making my eyes glossy but I couldn't cry anymore.
"I went with them to the light where a new journey starts, I didn't desire anything besides resting and wait for the others who are still on Earth,
"I don't know how long I stayed in the new world but everything went blank, I felt the cold of the mortal plane return I felt pain again.. and when I opened my eyes I was inside a coffin underground. then I felt the venom spread.. and now I'm here" I said, I didn't want to go in detail about how much pain the transformation caused, Edward has suffered enough.
"This is all my fault Bella, I didn't look after you properly, I should have stayed with you in college.. If I did I could have protected you' And now I robbed you the chance to see your father again" Edward said.
"If you stayed, you wouldn't had the chance to team up with Jacob.. you would have died" I said.
"But I let Victoria go, I allowed you to be exposed" Edward said guilty.
"You didn't know, You did whatever you could to keep me safe without making me feel confined," I said,
"Bad things always can happen no matter how careful you are.. and as you can see I'm no longer vulnerable to threats" I said.
Edward eyes became hardened, like he remembered something.
There is something I don't understand.. why couldn't Alice see the army being formed?" Edward wondered.
I remained quiet finding it a bit hard to look back up at him, and then Edward knew, He knows I'm hiding something from him.
It's foolish to think that I could hide anything from my beloved, he senses things so there is no point pretending everything is fine.
"I do know why Alice couldn't see anything, Victoria had help someone aided her but I would like to confront that person first, I want to know why" Bella said.
"Who was it Bella? I need you to be honest with me" Edward said holding my shoulders. I could tell he wants to kill whoever helped the new borns.
But I couldn't let him do it just yet.
" I need answers first, to give this closure, I need to know what I have done that made it get this far." I said.
"Bella don't tell me you're blaming yourself for this" Edward said agitated but his eyes seemed so tormented.
" I try not to," I admitted, " But I need to speak with that person first, I need to understand how their mind work"
Edward sighed reluctantly agreeing with my request,
"I vowed that I won't leave you out of my sight as soon as I found you Bella so please return to me soon" Edward said, and I nodded holding his hands.
"I'll stay with you forever"
" But when this is over I don't want you to keep anything from me" Edward said.
" None, I'll answer all your questions.. I promise you that" I said.