Mid-December - 21st week
In just over a week Shelagh's belly had literally doubled in size.
Their initial prediction had actually turned out to be correct: she was in the fifth month of pregnancy, so the baby would arrive around mid-April, and as Patrick reminded her on a daily basis everything was just as ought to be.
She felt full of strength and, while the children were at school, she had willingly accepted Sister Julienne's request to support her in managing the administration of Nonnatus, since the ownership had passed to Mr. Aylward, a brilliant mind like hers would surely be helpful.
Not that Sister Julienne couldn't do it herself, but Dr. Turner had asked her for advice on finding Shelagh something that could keep her busy without making her tired, possibly in a place where she wouldn't be alone. Sharing the same concern, Sister Julienne had come up with this perfect solution.
For Shelagh it meant a lot to be useful again providing her organizational and administrative skills, she felt gratified and fulfilled.
She was pretty sure Patrick was behind this, but to be honest she was extremely pleased because it was evidence of how well her husband knew her and how much he cared about her. He knew how important it was for her to work, he knew how good she was at those tasks, and he knew how important it was for her to spend time in Sister Julienne's company.
Although they were going through a very beautiful moment, it was not without some concerns. Angela had recently turned 9 and they had decided it was time to tell her the story of how she came into the family.
That's why she was unusually quiet and unfocused that morning, which was not lost on Sister Julienne.
"How about we take a break for tea?" she proposed.
"It would be perfect, maybe with some biscuits or toast with blueberry jam… I'm craving dessert!"
Sister Julienne smiled as she wasn't usually a lover of sweets..."I'm sure Sister Monica Joan will be happy to share her personal reserve with you!".
They moved to the living room where the elderly nun was busy reading one of her books.
"Sister, will you join us for tea and cake?" Sister Julienne asked her
"The road of excess leads to the palace of wisdom." she answered.
"I'll take that as a yes! Shelagh, please, make yourself comfortable. I'll make the tea."
Sister Monica Joan, hearing her approach, interrupted the reading beckoning her to come closer. When Shelagh was right beside her, she gently asked for permission to place a hand on her round belly, which she was granted without hesitation.
Those already tired eyes clouded with tears upon contact with that new life.
"You never know what is enough unless you know what is more than enough." declaimed Sister Monica Joan looking Shelagh in the eyes.
Those words resonated with her and she was moved by thinking about how reliable that sentence was.
"Oh…that's so true sister!" she answered gratefully.
Sister Julienne joined them with a tray of tea and three slices of cake.
Taking advantage of the moment, Sister Julienne asked her straight:
"Are you quiet this morning...something's bothering you?"
"I'm just a bit worried…but I'm fine."
"Would talking about it help?"
"Maybe yes…" she took a break before starting to speak.
"Patrick and I agreed it's time to tell Angela the truth, but we don't know where to start. We don't want it to be something noteworthy, we just want to reveal the way she entered our family."
They already broached the issue in the past, so there was no need to add more.
"Shelagh…I understand your concern. But let me be honest with you: I don't think you can prepare such a speech nor decide first what to say or when. Let it happen! Let your heart speak without fear! You and Patrick love your daughter thoroughly… the right words will come by themselves."
Shelagh felt relieved and returned to focus on what they were doing: enjoying a delicious piece of cake. She ate her share and also the half Sister Julienne had left, perhaps not by chance, which caused a certain disappointment to Sister Monica Joan who had hoped to be able to achieve that extra for herself.
They got up to go back to the office. While Sister Julienne cleared the table, Sister Monica Joan took Shelagh's hand and whispered:
"Don't judge each day by the harvest you reap but by the seeds that you plant."
She wasn't sure she understood the meaning of that phrase, but she tried to memorize it and fix it in her heart. She knew well that no matter how bizarre and sometimes incomprehensible Sister Monica Joan's quotes were, they always contained great truths with all the wisdom and intelligence of that extraordinary woman.
A few days later…
It was just another night at the Turner house.
Patrick was sitting on the sofa reading some Lancet article with Shelagh lying down with her head resting on his lap. They were exchanging views on the subject but she had some difficulty in following the discussion since she was distracted by a very active Number 5, as the baby was now officially nicknamed, who was very busy with all his moving.
The children were sitting on the carpet, writing their letters to Santa when they suddenly started (or better…resumed) arguing with each other.
"Hey kids…what's the problem?" Patrick intervened to calm things down.
"I want to write to Santa Claus to bring a gift to Number 5 as well, but they told me I can't do it!" a very grumpy Teddy complained.
"Of course you can't! How does Santa know who Number 5 is?!" May took it back…
"She's right! And then what gift does it bring if we don't even know if it will be a boy or a girl?" Angela added, raising her voice.
"Okay children, first: keep your voices down and be kind to one another…" he scolded them. Then he continued gently "Now: Teddy had a really beautiful thought, we all agree, right?" Patrick asked.
"Yes," Angela and May replied in unison.
"...but you can't write Number 5, it won't really be called that!" May continued again, supporting their reason.
"Of course not!" Shelagh intervened abruptly "But believe me: Santa Claus will understand who you are referring to, regardless of the name you write on your letter, and he will be able to find something that is suitable for both a boy and a girl."
Four children and a fifth on the way had further developed Shelagh's practical sense: the matter was solved without further intervention.
Calm was restored and the children were working on their letters when Angela came out asking: "Mom, did Teddy and I also kick you a lot when we were in the belly?"
They both freezed: the time was here and there.
With just a single glance they reminded themselves they were a team after all and they could do everything together.
Shelagh thought back to Sister Julienne's advice and let her heart find the words to answer that question.
"All babies kick and move in their mother's belly. You, May and Teddy did too. And Timothy as well!" she added.
Then, with Patrick's help, she pushed herself into a sitting position to make room for the children so they could sit on the couch between the two of them.
"Now, your father and I will tell you a story."
Surprised but very happy to hear what their parents were about to tell, they jumped on the sofa.
Patrick, the official bedtime story teller, rose to speak: "You know that ours is a special family, right?"
The children happily nodded.
"And do you remember when we told you that before we got married, mom was…"
"A nun!" Teddy exclaimed with one of his funny faces.
"Precisely."
"What we haven't told you so far is that back then, mom fell ill with tuberculosis, which is a lung disease…"
Patrick tried to explain in the smoothest way he could.
The children looked at their mother worriedly.
"Oh, don't look at me like that!... It's been a long time and I'm fine now!" she smiled to reassure them before going on with the story.
"Your father took me to a facility outside London, where people with my same illness could be treated and recover."
"And you're healed too?" asked May.
"Of course… After a few months I was discharged and your father came to pick me up with Timothy!"
"But it's not a good story! It's quite sad!" Angela complained…
"Well, that's just the premise, Angel-girl. What happened next…"
"You got married and we arrived!" Angela said boredly, not seeing what the news was.
"Yes, then you arrived…afterwards... but it wasn't that easy" Patrick continued. "Time passed and mom and I weren't able to have children…"
"Dad, what do you mean? How do you have children?" Teddy asked.
"Well...you see darling...usually, when a man and a woman get married and love each other, they share a special embrace...from which sometimes a child can be created" Shelagh tried to explain with little words, leaving more specifics for another time. Practical sense!
"So…Mushy stuff?" the children asked with disgusted faces.
"Well…yeah…sort of." Patrick concluded.
"And then?" Angela asked, now curious to know the sequel.
"And then we went to a doctor, a specialist in these kinds of problems. He examined me and discovered that unfortunately tuberculosis had left very serious scars inside my belly which prevented me from having children."
Shelagh explained, thinking back to the pain she had felt hearing those words.
She would have liked to go back in time and embrace the self of ten years ago to comfort her and bring her clear evidence that things would have gone differently from what that diagnosis had established.
The children now listened in silence, amazed and waiting for the twist that inevitably must have happened at some point given that they were now there.
"Even though we were happy because we loved each other very much and we had Timothy, who I have always loved like my own son even though I wasn't his mother, we felt also very very sad because something was missing. Someone was missing!"
Shelagh explained, hinting that a mother's love is not necessarily connected to carrying a child in her womb.
"And do you know well that no one can stop your mother if she sets her mind to doing something, right?" Patrick said with a smile.
"Especially if I have your father by my side!" she added, smiling and giving him credit.
"Well…your mother did something extraordinary! She opened her amazing heart - and mine too - to other possibilities. If we couldn't have a child of our own, we would have welcomed a child who needed to be incredibly loved by a mom and dad, which unfortunately he didn't have. The right term is adoption and it means becoming the mother and father of a child born to other people."
"Like me?" May asked.
"Almost, the difference is that in adoption, which we really want and hope to be able to do soon for you too, the bond is also recognized by law."
May smiled happily.
"One day while your father was out on a visit, I received a phone call. A lady asked us if we were ready to be mom and dad to a beautiful little girl who had recently been born and was waiting for us. I was with Timothy and without thinking for a moment we immediately ran to your father to give him the news."
Angela was doing her math…were they talking about her?
"I remember every moment of our first encounter, Angel-girl. When mum and I entered that large room where there were also other children, we immediately recognized the cot where you were. They told us it was the last one on the right where they had tied a beautiful fabric flower." Her father told her with an emotional voice.
Yes, they were really talking about her.
"I approached the cot and in the exact moment I laid my eyes on you I felt overwhelmed by an incredible love, my heart was bursting with joy. You had already conquered me...darling"
He made her sit on his legs, kissing her head. Angela looked at him, she was in love with her father who was so good, strong, handsome, funny and silly sometimes. In those dark eyes she saw all the love in the world.
"I took you in my arms: you were beautiful, so small and so perfect! I walked towards mom and placed you in hers telling you "This is your mom!"
Angela looked at her mother, who was smiling as tears rolled down her face. Angela jumped off his father's lap and went by her mom, gently wiping her face. Mother and daughter looked into each other's eyes and hugged.
"You know Angela? You made me a mother for the first time and it's a beautiful emotion every day." she confessed, still holding her girl.
"Even if you didn't carry me in your belly?"
"Of course yes! The love you brought into our lives was the most effective cure for the scars I had inside me. And I'm pretty sure that without you, it wouldn't have been possible to have Teddy! Nor even this new baby."
"Now I understand why you always say we are a special family!" Teddy exclaimed emphatically!
Patrick and Shelagh laughed…Teddy was a witty and sensitive child and always knew how to bring a smile back when situations called for it.
"How about we go to sleep now? It's really getting late!" said Patrick.
They headed upstairs together, May and Teddy running up the stairs while Angela went up hand in hand between Patrick and Shelagh. She held them tight, thinking back to what they had previously told her.
"Is everything okay darling?" Shelagh asked her.
"Yes mommy, everything's OK." she replied.
While they were tucking each of their children in, as foreseen by the evening's ritual, Angela had a second thought.
"Why you've never told me this before?"
Shelagh sat back on the bed, caressing her. Patrick kneeled next to the little girl.
"We wanted to wait until you were old enough to understand that each of you is loved the exact same way, no matter if you were born to us or not." Shelagh explained to her.
"And we wanted you to be able to understand that Love is what makes a family, not a blood bond." Patrick added tenderly, giving her another kiss on the forehead.
"OK then" she replied.
"Now, sleep peacefully."
"Goodnight mom, goodnight dad!"
Later, Shelagh and Patrick were in bed holding each other, in the dark.
They struggled to fall asleep, thinking back to how things had gone that evening. Finally the secret was out, it seemed to have gone well and they were relieved to have managed to do it in the best possible way even if they were afraid to claim victory too soon.
"Do you think she'll be okay?" Shelagh asked
"I hope so, only time will tell. What I know is that we will be by her side every day, as always. Now let's sleep..."
"I love you Patrick."
"I love you, my love," he replied, kissing her tenderly before closing his eyes.