You take the fall for me It's blasphemy, another casualty, you'll go whatever route, do whatever you have to do, you blast for me, I never doubt

Notes:

Okay, so not sure where this came from and what it will turn into. It plays in an alternate universe so... things are different, lol.

This turned into a collection of one-shots that belong to the same alternate universe called "I belong to the church of your name Sing a song, 'cause I worship the ground you walk on You don't know, just how far I'd be willing to go" in which Sara never left the League. Every chapter is another one-shot in the universe, sometimes they might be in actual orders and sometimes they may not... the story gets updated as the inspiration for another one-shot strikes, it is not high priority since I am trying to stay focused on the other ongoing stories I have.

Oliver walked in the Bunker with Felicity and Dig and stopped in surprise at the figure clad in black standing in the center, as if waiting for their arrival. The garb he was wearing was very familiar to him, so was the stature and it was once he removed the cloth hiding his face that his suspicions were confirmed.

"Maseo, what brings you here?" Having a member of the League within his basis of operation couldn't mean anything good, especially given that Maseo wasn't the usual assassin chosen to seek him out on Ra's al Ghul's orders, of course there were other reasons that could play into the change in messenger, but still, there was a foreboding feeling coupled with his old friend's appearance.

"It is Sarab. How many times need I remind you of that? Maseo Yamashiro is dead. Al Sah-him." This wasn't a conversation they hadn't had before and while he had respected his friend's new name during his own time in Nanda Parbat, he refused to refer to him as such outside of the stonewalls of the home of the world's deadliest assassins.

While he could to some degree understand Maseo's need to lose himself after Akio's death, making a life out of that was not something he could get behind, even less because Maseo's choice led to Tatsu also being forced into exile since she refused to lose both her son and husband. So Maseo turned into a ghost, as his League name 'phantom' perfectly pointed out and he forced the same fate onto Tatsu, only she was truly alone, refusing to join the League herself, but also refusing to go back into civilization without Maseo.

Maseo's choice led to both of them being trapped in some kind of limbo, neither living nor dead. It was entirely fucked up, and he had tried to talk to both of his friends, to no avail.

His friend stepped down from the platform and handed him an envelope. He noticed Diggle's stance change to one of defense and Felicity to take a step back. This meant she was now partially shielded by both his and Dig's bodies. Not that he believed Maseo was currently a threat to any of them. His friends' actions surprised him a little. Maseo had been the one who had helped them before. But at the same time, the ambivalence of the League and its assassins' stance was hard to grasp, without seeing the bigger picture and understanding their belief. Their teachings making it clear that depending on the situation, they could be your friend one minute and your enemy the next. Their loyalty was only to Ra's and his mission to keep the balance intact.

Whether the League was good or evil was entirely up to the eye of the beholder.

The methods were easier to question than the mission behind it. And yet, it couldn't be said that they weren't effective. Still, he didn't agree with their policies and the way Ra's enforced them.

Oliver took the envelope from Maseo's hand and watched his former friend take a step back, almost as if he were trying to give him space and privacy. He almost looked apologetic and remorseful. What was going on?

"Maseo, what the hell is this?" He looked at the envelope in his hand, then at Dig and Felicity before slowly opening it. Both gave him confused and slightly worried looks. There was a feeling of unease in the pit of his stomach and it made him halt for a moment, unsure if he should reach in and remove the contents from within.

"A message from Ra's al Ghul." The words reached him while he pulled out what appeared to be photos. It took him a moment to recognize what he was looking at, still confused what exactly the message was. Until he reached one that was obviously of a woman's bare back covered in cuts and bruises and his heart nearly stopped at the familiar scar of a canary branded on her shoulder, he flipped through the photos, not wanting to believe what his eyes were telling him. Bile rising within his throat while his heart tried to beat out of his chest, in fear and anger. Oliver recognized most of the scars on her body, it wasn't long until he reached a photo of an arm and the familiar birthmark on it and once he saw it he knew as sure as if there had been a photo of her face within the multitude of pictures… there was no more denying it.

He looked up at Maseo in disbelieve and horror. He only vaguely registered Felicity's horrified outcry and Dig sucking in air in distress at the photos they saw and what they meant.

"What did you expect, Oliver? That Ra's al Ghul would just give you everything you ever wanted and not care if you defy him and break the promise you made?" He didn't like the tone Maseo used, nor the implication that this outcome should've been obvious to him.

"No, but she has nothing to do with this, if he wants to punish me…" Yes, he'd expected Ra's being angry, wanting to punish him, but not like this. He'd expected to be the one being subjected to the physical pain the punishment for his defiance would surely contain. He'd never… the thought that he may not be the one to suffer the consequences of his actions never even crossed his mind.

"Using your wife is a much more effective way. Every wound inflicted on Ta-er al-Sahfer's body causes you far more pain than it would on your own. There was a reason he married you to her instead of Nyssa, who would have kept his own line in power. Yet, he understood that marrying you to the Mahbub, would be more beneficial to him in the long run, since she has power over you Nyssa couldn't even hope to dream to achieve. You are the sword Ta-er is yielding. You care for her in a way you never will for Nyssa. He knows there is nothing you wouldn't do for the little bird. And in that lies her usefulness and power." Maseo's words rang true to his own ears, there was no denying his feelings for Sara, or the lengths he'd be willing to go to to keep her safe, at least he used to, still would, even though things were a lot more complicated now than they had been a year ago, when Ra's had married them in a ceremony in Nanda Parbat.

Their marriage held no legal ground, it had little meaning to anyone outside the League. And Sara had made it very clear to him she would not make it legal and marry him in any shape or form outside of Nanda Parbat, that it was simply one more role they had to play. One more move towards their goal. It had been a punch in the gut, and a dagger in his heart, one of many blows she had thrown at him before he had left Nanda Parbat and returned home.

"So what? She's just a chess piece to use against me, to make sure I do as he says? She is one of his assassins, has been for longer than I have been on his radar. Why lower her to nothing more but a pawn in his game?" It made no sense to him. Sara had risen through the ranks rather swiftly, and not just because of her involvement with Nyssa. No, Ra's had taken a liking to her from the beginning, from what he had heard and been told. Sara had always been a fast learner, and she was good. She was really good. Her progress had impressed the Demon's head, as had her refusal to die and determination to succeed, to prove everyone wrong.

Ra's had been surprised and delighted by her very first reaction to him. He had found her lack of fear refreshing. And her laughter had sounded like a beautiful melody. At least that was what the Demon's head had told him, when he had let him know he was to wed Sara the night before the ceremony. Not that it had done her any immediate favors. She had still suffered through the same process every new potential member has to suffer through. Ra's had still tried to break her. Unsuccessful as it ended up being. Sara was stronger than she looked and people gave her credit for, both physically and emotionally. She was a force to be reckoned with, always had been. She was one of the strongest people he knew. And the League had turned her into one hell of a fighter.

"Yes, she is one of his, to do with as he pleases. We are all but a weapon in his arsenal, to yield as he sees fit to keep the precarious balance intact. What? Did you think because she was the Mahbub she wouldn't get punished? She still holds his favor, it was you who defied him and went against her advice and warning, if she were no longer holding his favor I would've brought you your wife's head, or possibly her heart, instead of photos of her punishment." Maseo's words made the bile rise up again. Just the thought of someone, even less a former friend, handing him Sara's decapitated head or cut out heart was almost too much for him to bear and deal with. Sara's words reverberated in his head.

"You're a fool if you think you can defy Ra's al Ghul with no consequences. Being Warith al Ghul does not mean you will get away with disrespecting him and his wishes by going against his orders. While the title yields respect and fear among most, it does not come with immunity. Ra's can take the title from you just as fast as he has given it. And there will be consequences to your actions if you go against him."

He should've listened to her, especially given the information Maseo had just shared with him. And it wasn't that he hadn't believed her or hadn't expected there to be repercussions to his choices. He just would've never thought Sara would be the one suffering them.

"He was going to set her free." He still couldn't understand Sara's choice to stay. They had talked about her leaving the League for years and when Ra's offered her the chance to… she refused and choose to stay in Nanda Parbat instead of coming home with him. It made no more sense to him now, a good nine months later than it had back then.

"There is only one freedom. Did you really believe Ra's would've let his insurance policy for you to hold up your end of the deal go? Let both of you leave with no bargaining chip? If you truly believed that you are even more of a fool than I thought. Ta-er al-Sahfer knew you never actually intended to stay in Nanda Parbat and take on the duties that come with Warith al Ghul and then take on the mantle of Ra's. And you should know better than anyone that she would never force and trap you into a life you don't want to lead." No, Sara would never make him do something he didn't want to, she'd never force him to give up his family, not for her.

Felicity and Dig were whispering next to him and he forced himself to tune them out, glad they hadn't interrupted his and Maseo's conversation yet. Knowing full well what both of their stances concerning his League approved wife were, not that they actually knew who his League approved wife was and the actual meaning behind it. He guessed that was part of the reason they were mostly staying out of it and keeping quiet. They were gaining more information about the mystery woman Ra's had married him to now than they had ever gotten before. But he couldn't worry about that now. Nothing he or Maseo had said so far could lead to them learning her identity, and they had long since made the connection between the Canary and Ta-er al-Sahfer, even if he had neither confirmed nor denied them being one and the same. But Dig's knowledge of Arabic automatically led to him making the connection between their names and the possible meaning behind it.

"So what, he just turned one of his best assassins into a hostage? She's the beloved, she holds his favor and now she's what? Just a prisoner to be tortured on a whim?" He forced himself back into the conversation with Maseo, needing to understand why Ra's would suddenly turn on Sara.

"Yes. Exactly. She is his guarantee that you will do as you promised. She understood that from the moment Ra's decided to marry her off to you. She knows her place, the role she plays. Do not underestimate her power within the League, she might not be respected by all, but like you pointed out, she still holds Ra's favor, she is still the Mahbub, the wife of Warith al Ghul, Nyssa's love and right now she is the only thing that stands between you and Ra's al Ghul, the only reason he has not yet waged war against Star City to force you to return to Nanda Parbat and take on your duties. She is playing her part as one of Ra's assassins and as your wife, your failures will be drawn in blood upon her body. Comparing her to a pawn is preposterous." He wasn't sure if he had ever seen Maseo this furious. It was a quiet fury that ran deep. Yes, Maseo was one of the League's members that not only respected but also had a soft spot for her, which brought out a need to protect and defend her, something he was very familiar with. And he hadn't meant it as an insult to Sara. He'd never… his mind suddenly took him down a different path as some of Maseo's words began to fully register.

If Sara had known that his refusal to jump at Ra's command would lead to her being tortured, why hadn't she told him? She must have known he'd follow the orders if the alternative was her getting hurt and he voiced those thoughts to Maseo, not expecting the answer he would get.

"Ta-er al-Sahfer understands her role as your wife. She knows it is her duty to pay for your sins. It is the way of the League. You would have been proud; she made no sound." Maseo's words made him want to rage. Knowing the anguish she must have gone through, given the wounds on the photos he was handed by his former friend and now also learning that she hadn't even given voice to the pain in order to get release and that she had willingly and knowingly taken on the punishment meant for him made him want to die a thousand painful deaths. She must have been tortured for days given the different stages of the wounds on her body.

Sara had been punished for his defiance, while he had been here with Felicity, planning their wedding. He felt lightheaded, and sick to his stomach.

"There is a reason she told you to stay away, to leave it and her be. Why she never meant for you to know. She knew the consequences that would come with your involvement in the League and with that Ra's al Ghul. It is why she has tried to keep you away from Nanda Parbat. She understood that you would not stay and that she could not leave. Therefore, having you intervene in order to fight for her freedom, a feeble task would do nothing but cause more issues." Maseo reminded him of the countless arguments he and Sara had had at the beginning, after he had learnt who was under the mask, and where she had been, and subsequently why she refused to come home or let anyone know about her survival.

That knowledge and the promise he had made her to take that secret to the grave, in exchange for keeping her somewhat present in his life, had been weighting him down from the moment it had left his lips. It had been the hardest one to keep. Being the only person aware of Sara's survival, keeping that knowledge from her family, from Thea and Tommy, was the hardest thing he's ever had to do. But the alternative would've been worse. The thought of having Sara disappear on him again, with no way of tracking her down, had been unbearable. So there had been no choice, and he had kept her secret for a good three years now and he would for as long as she asked him to.

He was the only one who knew the Canary's identity, yet always denying that knowledge to everyone, including his team. It was so very difficult. But he wouldn't break her trust, couldn't. He couldn't risk her never coming back. Even now, when they had both made their stances clear, and he hadn't seen her in almost a year, he had stayed away from Nanda Parbat and she hadn't been back to Star City, people had been wondering about the Canary's prolonged absence for a while now. While Sara had never been around for an extended period of time and she came and went as she pleased, she had been a fixture in their city and people had taken note of her and now they had taken note of her lengthy absence wondering what might keep the Canary from coming back.

No one beside him knew that part of the reason had been a major argument between them in Nanda Parbat, right before he left to head back home without her.

Maseo wasn't wrong. It had never been his intention to stay in Nanda Parbat and embrace the title Ra's had branded him with. The plan had been to go there, play his part until he could free Sara. It hadn't worked out that way. And she had known it wouldn't, warned him about the foolishness of it and the certainty of its failure, something he had refused to see, a truth he hadn't wanted to admit. When Ra's had made the offer for Sara to leave with him, he'd thought he'd finally achieved what he had wanted to do for almost three years, only to be blindsided by Sara's refusal to go with him. It was only now that he realized, thanks to Maseo pretty much spelling it out to him, that Ra's hadn't offered her what he had believed he had. He had offered her freedom. And there was only one way to leave the League, to get your freedom. Another thing she had repeatedly reminded him of.

Had Sara agreed to leave with him, they would've both paid with their lives for it, just like she had told him again and again over the years.

The words she had spoken to him in Nanda Parbat after she had refused to leave had cut him to the core and been the reason why he had decided to put her behind him, to move on from her, she had made her choice and it hadn't been him. She had made that perfectly clear. So there was no more sense in waiting or fighting for her, like he had done for the past two years. This was why he had begun a relationship with Felicity and let it progress to this point.

It was only now that the cold, harsh truth was revealed to him when the realization that she had chosen him, even if he hadn't seen it at the time, set in and with that the knowledge that he had let her down once again, broken the promises he had made to her once more. And worse than that, this time he truly was responsible for every wound, every new scar that now adorned her body. Because his choices led to those wounds inflicted upon her skin.

She had chosen his life. She had given Ra's her life and loyalty in exchange for his life and temporary freedom. And he knew in the end there was only one thing he could do to try and repay her. Because when it came down to it, there was never a choice.

"When are we leaving?" He looked at Maseo expectantly, purposely ignoring Felicity and Dig and their disbelieve and arguments. There was nothing they could say that would keep him from heading to Nanda Parbat, from personally assessing the damage that had been done to Sara's body because of him, that would keep him from doing everything he could to keep this from happening ever again.

Notes:

As always I would really, really love to hear your thoughts. I hope it wasn't too confusing and let me know if you're interested in more, if so, I might turn it into a series, if my muse cooperates, otherwise it'll stay a one-shot.

Chapter title is from the song "Kill for you" by Eminem and Skylar Grey.