I don't know what to tell you. I really don't. This is chaos but it made me laugh, so...
Yep.
This is fluff.
And insanity.
Have fun.
Edward is beginning to seriously regret his life choices. Primarily the one that led him to become a youth pastor at his Uncle's church-though, really, God's providence can be blamed as opposed to anything he did for that one.
The chaos started when he agreed to go to the presbytery's annual Christmas Weekend Retreat for the youth groups, something he recalls doing as a kid that had formed some pretty integral memories to his faith. That was before he remembered that half the youth group is related to him.
Things went downhill from there.
He picked up the Jovesons' van and all of the high-school and middle-school aged kids left in the house at around six in the morning, half-asleep himself and not in the mood to deal with his surly younger cousins. He cracked and pulled into the Starbucks drive-through in less than five minutes of being in Smalls' company, and cracked further to the triplets and their begging for cake pops. One of the cousins-he's pretty sure it was Mary-got a Pumpkin Spice Latte, but since it wasn't on his bill and not in his car he wasn't too bothered. He was more concerned about the size of the coffee Smalls got. By now Edward is hoping Jupiter doesn't murder him; he's been trying to cut out most caffeine from the family's diet for months now with little success. Heck, Edward ninety-five percent sure that Whit and Smalls have a whole black-market running behind their father's back by now.
Point is, Edward got them coffee and is regretting it.
They pull up to the Church, where one of the Elders-who also looks grumpy about being there so early in the morning-is standing there as a chaperone along with Winslow (Edward has absolutely no idea how Jupiter talked Winslow into that, he probably paid him out of desperation for his eldest son to actually spend time with the family at this point) who is holding yet another pumpkin spice drink.
The Longtreaders arrive, and Picket only looks semi-alive. Heather is the only one who looks remotely human among the entire group. Edward wonders if it's against church regulation to make your cousin drive the Lead Pastor's van. The Goodsons arrive, and Edward hopes the rapture will come early if only to save him from dealing with a grouchy Bleston. The Blackstars, Helmer's nieces, and finally the second van make it to the Church parking lot intact, and Edward sends a silent prayer of thanks up above. A few more people arrive, that Shanks kid, Perkin's son, and Maggie Weaver, a Deaconess and the only woman Edward knows who would willingly volunteer to chaperone a group with Evan Joveson in it. She's carrying a Pumpkin Spice Latte. The smell is beginning to turn Edward's stomach.
Eventually, though, they're all situated in the vans and Edward is hoping for a silent hour or so.
Nope.
"Mariah Carey, round one!" Evan bellows, yanking at the AUX cord before Edward can stop him and firing up All I want for Christmas is you as the entire van groans.
Edward, thankfully, isn't the first to snap. That would be Heather.
"Something else, anything else, Evan, please." She begs on the fifth go-around.
Evan stares at her as if she's speaking a foreign language, grinning like the idiot he is. Edward sends a silent prayer of apology up for calling his cousin an idiot.
"What, I thought you liked Christmas?" He laughs, waving his cellphone just out of Heather's reach, like he's got a death wish.
Edward can see Heather's temper building, so he intervenes before it can get ugly.
"Change it. Now." He orders, giving Evan a severe look. Evan sighs and shuffles his playlist, and The Christmas Song comes on, which is much more agreeable to everyone else.
It's a five-hour drive to the retreat location-why on earth the Presbytery wanted to have it so far away is beyond Edward, have they ever been in a car for that long with thirteen teenagers? It gets old really quickly-and by the second hour everyone is awake. Edward has never met a Joveson who's a morning person, so most of them are going for each others' heads at the moment. The Goodsons somehow manage to sleep through most of it, and all for the better because Edward doesn't particularly want to find out what an argument between a sleep-deprived Smalls and grumpy Kylen would look like.
It's Picket who causes the next problem.
"Can we stop for coffee?" He asks, yawning as he wakes up.
Edward gets a sinking feeling in his stomach. It's not that he's eager to deprive Picket of the greatest drink known to mankind, he's just not excited to take the Jovesons through another drive-through. Or keep tabs on the caffeine intake of some of them.
"Sure." He sighs, deciding it's not worth the argument and if Smalls wants another double espresso, who's he to stand in the way? Jupiter'll never know. It's above his pay grade, really, to fight with his cousin over his caffeine addiction. That's what Heather's for.
And apparently to worsen the scent of pumpkin-spice in Jupiter's car, because that's what she gets. Edward was right too, for the next twenty minutes he listens to her and Smalls bicker back and forth over how much caffeine is healthy.
Frankly, if it were Edward, he wouldn't have told Heather he'd had already had one double espresso after getting his second.
Then again, teenagers are stupid.
Evan manages to get ahold of the AUX cord again, and this time there's no stopping him. The Mariah Carey finally wakes the Goodson boys-and Kylen's not happy.
Evan only turns it up louder. Then Emma starts yelling at him, and Edward finally reclaims control of the radio and banishes Evan to the backseat. In the process of all this moving around-which they really shouldn't have been doing while speeding down the highway, major adult points to Edward for that one, there-Edward takes a turn and Evan lurches to the side.
And immediately spills Heather's drink all over her and possibly the next state over.
Heather shrieks, Edward almost swerves off the road, Smalls begins to yell at Evan, and Evan promptly swears.
Edward pulls over to the side of the road, turns around in the driver's seat, and glares. The entire car goes deathly silent. Then the radio explodes with A Holly Jolly Christmas, and Edward thinks he might lose his mind.
oOo
Edward starts the car again and drives in absolute quiet to the nearest rest stop. No one says anything as they clean up the mess and Edward sends Heather and Emma together to the bathroom so Heather can change. No one says anything as Edward collects all the other open drinks-finished or not-and tosses them in the trash. And no one says anything-not even Kylen-as Evan gets chewed out.
"I mean, it's better than it smelled in here before." Evan offers after Edward sighs and tells him that's its fine, just be more careful.
Edward raises an eyebrow. "Oh? You want to explain to your father why the entire car now smells like sour milk and pumpkin spice?"
"I'll tell him that mother got a new diffuser thing. He won't say anything then." Evan offers.
Edward snorts. "Get back in the car, we'll be late now." And decides not to lecture Evan on the virtue of truth. Edward wonders if the Holy Spirit is laughing at him right now.
He gets back in the driver's seat, and as the back dissolves into bickering once again, can't help quietly chuckling and shaking his head. He shouldn't be surprised, should he?
Jupiter is never going to get this smell out.