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Ch.64- "Asymptote"

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Erwin normally didn't linger in Hange's… "lab" was being generous. "Doom chamber" seemed more appropriate. After all, going through the slow, tedious process of discovery wasn't his job. His job was to look over their hypotheses, calculate the cost of the experimental phase (monetary, morale and sanity), approve- or, more commonly, deny- their proposal, and when all was said and done, look over the results and figure out how best to weave them into something he could tell the Premier that would make it seem like the funding spent hadn't been wasted. When he was younger, Titans fascinated him; if Hange had been a cadet in the west Corps (or if he'd lived in the east), he might have found someone else to rant at. Alas, the years and close calls and the memories of the sounds ground that fascination into the dirt until Titans simply became another aspect of his work. Even now, there was a tiny voice in the back of his mind telling him he had other, more pertinent, things he could be doing with his time.

But he remained where he was, seated beside the overstuffed bookshelf, his under-stuffed chair positioned so that the rest of the narrow chamber was fully in view. Because it wasn't just Hange working this time. Because the last time Thomasin returned to the Survey Corps' base for a "consultation", he hadn't spared her so much as a glance and maybe if he had, they could have avoided so much of this mess… or at least, kicked it further down the lane. And while he trusted Hange with his life, he wasn't about to leave them unsupervised with his wife who was quickly settling into the stage of pregnancy Marie had referred to as "The Storm". Of course, just because he was present for the conversation didn't mean he was a part of it, or even that he understood even half of what was being said. They were, in essence, picking up where they'd left off almost five months ago, and felt no need to bring him up to speed.

"--might need you to handle the human aspect--"

"I can't do that, Hange; I'll hit the bone--"

"We can cut him open so you can see! What's the point of being able to heal from any injury if you can't use it to let someone perform experimental surgeries on you?"

"I don't--"

"Well, we're not even at that stage, yet. We're going to get Titan spinal fluid first- before you leave, I wanna show you the spigot prototype; it's almost too pretty to use. But now that we actually have funding, I was hoping you might be able to start thinking about what kind of binders we can use--" It was a sign of how deeply Hange respected the woman's craft that a simple shake of the head silenced them. Thomasin inhaled deeply- she did that a lot these days. She wasn't wearing gloves, just long sleeves, and her nails traced over the edges of the armrests.

"You can't just start throwing shit at the wall to see what sticks, Hange. I mean, you can- nothing's stopping you- but that would be a waste of time and resources. You need to know how it's breaking down. Does heat do anything to it? Does light? We know it evaporates when it's exposed to air, but 'air' is lots of things, and that stopper in the first bottle clearly wasn't air-tight. Then you need to figure out exactly what it is, or at least close enough, to know what chemicals can even bind to it. The general consensus is that human spinal fluid is mostly water with some protein and sugars, but I'm still not entirely convinced that Titan blood has the same makeup as human blood, and even less so with spinal fluid…"

Hange sat on the literal edge of their seat, body leaning forward as if they were afraid Thomasin's words might fall to the ground before reaching their ears. The smile pulling at their cheeks looked painful, but there was nothing but joy in their eye. Thomasin, for her part, wore an expression caught in a three-way tie between boredom, discomfort and concern. Not concern for Hange or the Survey Corps or humanity in general, of course not. That was plain in the way she spoke: You need to. Not we. Not her. Hers was strictly a "please stop trying to drag me into this- I don't want to be a part of this" concern. She leaned back as far as she could without tilting the chair back on two legs. Hange, unfortunately for her, was a master of selective ignorance.

"Yeah, but that's where the funding comes in! We can buy better equipment to run tests- we can commission equipment! We can even afford to send samples into Mitras and have the experts give their opinions! Well, human experts; there are pretty much only two Titan experts living within the Walls, and they're both in this room. But that can change! The whole 'war with Marley' thing sucks in the long term, but in the short term, fear is great at loosening peoples' wallets!" The room was already dim- the lamp holding the glowstone was covered by a piece of canvas, softening the normally intense light. Thomasin's expression grew darker still.

"…you want to get help from the Interior? The people who knew the truth about Titans and the outside world for decades and let every Scout who came before you get eaten to make an example out of the heretics? The people who executed anyone who accidentally got too close to figuring shit out- those are the people you expect to turn over a new leaf and start supporting you?" Hange seemed to deflate slightly, sliding back on their own chair.

"Well, maybe the Crown can coerce them--"

"And what, exactly, is going to stop them from lying just like they have been for the last century?" Thomasin pushed. "You can't verify if anything they're saying is true. The most I know about the blood work they do in the Interior is what it's called- I doubt you even know that. You can't depend on outsiders, Hange; I would've thought being a Scout for the last fourteen years would've taught you that…" The bitterness in her voice was palpable. Hange remained silent for a while, before taking a deep breath and sitting up straighter.

"You're right, Thomasin. I don't like relying on outsiders, even people outside of my squad. That's why I always ask Erwin to bring you back. You're one of us."

"No, I'm no--"

"--and regardless of how long you've been retired, you'd never do anything to botch an experiment or falsify results because that would put Erwin's ass on the line, and you love him too much to ever risk something like that." The pride the section commander was clearly reveling in shielded them from both the exasperation present in the brown eyes as well as the soul-deep horror visible in the blue.

"Don't give her ideas, you one-eyed demon…!" Erwin hissed through tightly clenched teeth, but Hange paid him no mind, their attention focused solely on the woman before them.

"We don't need outside help. We can make this Titan serum ourselves; the royal family has been doing this for over a millennium. We have knowledge and tools people back then couldn't possibly dream of, and they managed to do it. Just think of it as medicine. That's your area of expertise, right? A medicine that saved Erwin's life and one that, with any hope, can save someone else's'." Thomasin remained very quiet and very still, the only sign of life the gentle rise and fall of her stomach as she breathed. It was bigger than it had been even a week ago, visibly pushing against the fabric of her dress. Slowly, carefully measuring her words, she spoke.

"Hange… do you know what the difference between medicine and poison is?" The bespectacled soldier frowned slightly, fervently trying to figure out this riddle. Erwin closed his eyes- he knew the answer to this one. Thomasin had inadvertently told him years ago…

I make medicine for a living, Smith; people die if I make a mistake…

…you sell rat poison…

Hey, I sell people poison, too…!

"Uhh--"

"The dose. There is not a single thing you can put into the human body that won't kill if you put too much in, even water. Do you know how we figure out what the right dose is?" Hange was shrinking back into their seat once again.

"Uhhhhh--"

"Trial and error. Somebody, somewhere at some point in time, consumed papaver sap. And it killed them. And the next person consumed less and it killed them, too. And that kept happening until finally, someone consumed an amount large enough to kill their pain but not so large as to kill them. And then, someone dried it and mixed it with alcohol and started the whole process of trial and error up again, but we don't think about that because it happened centuries ago and the knowledge was passed down but the names of the test subjects were forgotten.

We are not centuries down the line for Titan serum, Hange, not when that knowledge died with the Reiss family. If you want to make medicine, you have to go through trial and error… which means you have to test it on people. Human beings you have to turn into Titans, Titans that you're going to have to put down. And you're going to have to do that multiple times because once is a fluke. Twice is coincidence. Three times is a pattern, but a pattern isn't enough. I have seen people die seizing, gasping for air, because someone prescribed a medicine we've been using for over seventy years at too high of a dosage. Look me in the eye and tell me you're ready to watch people die so that you can figure out what the right dosage is."

Hange said nothing. Hange didn't even meet Thomasin's eyes, their gaze locked on the floor, wide and horrified as the true implication of where their research would take them fully descended on them, and the weight of it was crushing. Thomasin had to rock in her seat several times before she built up enough momentum to stand. She took a step towards Hange, brushing the backs of her fingers over their hair. Her voice was softer now, kinder.

"If you can't stand the idea of people dying because of something you did, then medicine isn't the field of study for you, Hange. In fact, I don't think the Survey Corps is, either. You might be better off transferring to the Garrison." Hange's head came up, a single brown eyes glistening in the dim light.

"That would be like spitting on all my friends' and comrades' memories… I could never…" They sniffled, reaching under the lens of their glasses to wipe the moisture from the eye. "How many deaths have we already been responsible for? How many people have already died for nothing? People will always die- isn't it better if their deaths are at least in service of something?" Thomasin shrugged.

"Don't know, don't care. You're gonna have to figure that out on your own, Hange, because I am too pregnant to be standing in this dungeon breathing in Titan fumes all day." The section commander gasped, leaping to their feet and almost knocking the woman over in their haste.

"You're right! You should be out in the fresh air and sunlight! I'm so used to doing my work in here that I didn't even consider what was best for you!" They turned their attention to Erwin, having to turn their head more than normal to ensure he could actually see their eye glaring at him. "Shame on you, Erwin! You're supposed to be Thomasin's advocate! You should insist upon what's best for her!"

"…that's what I was trying to do all last month." Unfortunately, some people just wouldn't take "no" for an answer. He'd already gotten clearance with Premier Zachary, and while the man knew he wasn't being honest in his reasons for the change in venue, he trusted the work the Survey Corps did enough to allow them a considerable amount of slack. When it came to discussing the matter with his officers, however, honesty was the best policy. It had gone… as well as he could have hoped…

Levi's eyes narrowed, steely grays regarding him with suspicion from their corners.

"…no… No, I don't buy that. If the gimp were capable of keeping you on a short leash, she would have had your ass retired as soon as you signed the marriage certificate. This is about something else and you're trying to use her to soften the blow back." Levi was too damn astute for his own good, but unfortunately, his paranoia sometimes had him chasing shadows that weren't there.

"It's not, Levi, not this time. I'm being completely forthcoming; Thomasin doesn't want me leaving Wall Rose, and given that I don't particularly want the woman I've wanted to marry for the last eight years to leave my sorry ass, I'm afraid I have to follow her terms and conditions." He sighed, leaning his weight on his arm. "It could be worse. I kind of… sort of… promised that I would retire after we retook Shiganshina--"

"WHAT?!" Both men winced as Hange's shriek caused the water in their glasses to vibrate slightly. It was possible the vibrations came from their chair wobbling as they leapt to the feet, but… no, it was from the volume of their voice. "What the hell do you mean 'retire'!? You didn't discuss that with any of us!!"

"Shadis didn't discuss that with any of us, either. I was going to , Hange, but I didn't want anyone to be distracted during the mission."

"But--!"

"Imagine if, while everyone was fighting the Beast and Armored Titans, they were doing so with the knowledge that I fully intended to hang up the Wings of Freedom and leave them all behind as soon as I returned to Trost. Imagine what would happen to morale if you thought I was planning to forsake you ." Hange's head dropped as their shoulders came up, as though they wished to pull their head in and hide from his words completely. "I didn't think I was going to be turned into a living weapon. I didn't think an entire country outside the Walls wanted to exterminate us. I thought retaking Wall Maria was enough- I thought fifteen years of sweat and blood and flesh and bone was enough . It's not. It should be, but it's not . Thomasin has been not-so-subtly pleading with me for almost eight years to leave the Survey Corps, to cherish my life and spend it with her, and I never did and now , when she has more of a right to demand that of me than ever… she hasn't. All she wants is that I stay where she can reach me until she gives birth." Hange groaned miserably as they sank back into their seat.

"She doesn't have any family that can stay with her?"

"No one."

"And you don't--"

"No one." Another groan.

"It's not that big of a deal," Levi told them. "We did all of Eren's experiments in Wall Rose."

"Yeah! Because one, we didn't have a choice, and B, because Eren's Titan is only fifteen meters tall and doesn't run the risk of flash frying everything in a three kilometer radius!"

"So we just do Erwin's experiments where there's nothing to fry in a three kilometer radius. We'll bring the thunder spears, and between me, Mikasa and Eren, we'll keep him corralled to one of the rock farms up north." Hange was too far from him with his desk between them, so Erwin stood, walked around the mahogany behemoth and sat on its edge, laying his hand on his friend's shoulder.

"You can sit this one out, Hange. No one would hold it against you or think any less of you--"

"And if they did," Levi piped in, "I might just take that as an offer to stand in for you." Erwin nodded in agreement.

"It's okay to be scared. I'd be more concerned if you weren't." With their head tilted forward and the messy brown locks obscuring their eye, he couldn't see much of their expression, but he could hear the nasally tightness in their voice.

"No… I have to go with you. I have to be there. Moblit was the only one who knew how to take proper notes, and with no field sketches, I'll have to take even more notes, and--" Their voice caught in their throat, and they covered their eyes with one hand. The other reached up, gripping Erwin's fingers and squeezing. He could feel them shaking. "If you don't want to leave Wall Rose, that's fine… just please, don't retire. Not yet. Not until… until we've done all the experiments…" He tried to swallow, and found that his throat was too tight, so he leaned forward instead, pressing Hange against him in a mimicry of a hug.

"I'll be a Scout for as long as I can… but you're not the only person who needs me, Hange. Thomasin needs me, too, and I've neglected her a lot more than I've neglected you." A loud sniffle below him and the section commander shifted so they could look up at him. He could see where the salt was beginning to dry on their right lens.

"If she wants to keep an eye on you so badly, why doesn't she just stay on base? And come with us for experiments?"

"Because she's a civilian, Hange, and--"

"She's been a civilian for fifteen years- that hasn't been a problem before! She can come back as a consultant! We have to figure out how to make more Titan serum, Erwin, otherwise we'll never be able to do anything with Annie because she's too much of a threat to be allowed to live and we need her Titan. Thomasin is a chemist; she can help with that and be close to you and--"

"And she's pregnant, Hange. Do you remember what happened the last time she was here as a 'consultant'?" Erwin heaved a loud, heavy sigh as he pulled back, settling on the edge of his desk once more. …he missed his friends. He missed having Mike and Cecile and Horace in his office during times like this because the heavy emotions that saturated the air felt less suffocating when there were more people to absorb some of them. "I'll… ask her if she wouldn't mind coming here to discuss the serum with you." Hange's face brightened, and he raised his voice, nipping any expectations in the bud. "I can't make her come if she doesn't want to, and chances are she won't, but I will ask and… maybe she can stop by occasionally to help when she feels up to it, and in exchange, we stay in Wall Rose."

"She'll help. I know she will. She tried to act all nonchalant when we were working on the serum the first time, but I know a keen mind hungry for knowledge when I see one. I have a sense for these things." Levi scoffed under his breath.

"Too bad you don't have a sense for things like tact, and personal space, and personal hygiene…"

"Sorry, Levi; I can't hear you over how tactless and filthy I am…"

What he brought to Thomasin wasn't an ultimatum. It couldn't be, because he could never threaten to take more from her than she could take from him. It was a request, a plea, an appeal to the part of her that knew far too well the miserable terror of expecting someone to leave you and go far away. She wasn't friends with Hange, not the way she was with Levi, but she respected the section commander enough to speak with them in person ("Well, I don't see how you can reach him if we're running tests up by Utopia!" "…the ferries still go north, Hange; they don't go south." "Okay, but what if we--" "That involves going south, Hange!").

Their gaze had kept slipping down as they spoke, lingering less on the swollen breasts and more so on the swollen stomach, and while Erwin couldn't be sure, he was fairly certain that it was the weight of guilt causing their shoulders to slump the longer that first conversation went on. A reminder that "humanity" was not as abstract as it sometimes felt.

There had been an assurance with a somewhat strained smile that they would keep Erwin within the boundaries of Wall Rose. And then, because Hange was a master of selective ignorance, they didn't veer the conversation towards talk of experiments and serums so much as drive it sharply into a ditch filled with stagnant water and leeches and refuse to climb out until they had said their piece. And because Thomasin had years of experience being spoken at by a deranged lunatic who was so blinded by their own obsession that they couldn't see a hand in front of their face, much less how unenthused she was, she listened.

~o0o~

It only happened because they were heading to the first floor, alighting on the small landing between the first and second sets of stairs at precisely the wrong time. The sounds all happened so fast and close together, excited shouts and doors banging against walls, that the combined cacophony was louder than any one individual sound. A veteran Scout might still pause or stiffen or even flinch when they heard a loud, sudden noise within the Walls because, for all of their composure, they were still human (it was outside the Walls where one couldn't let their guard down, because they always had to expect the unexpected and to lose your composure out there often meant losing your life). Normal people, however, were expected to react. And they did.

Thomasin startled so violently that she dropped the crutch she was leaning most of her weight on. The shock on her face lasted only a second before discomfort took its place with a sharp gasp and the hand that wasn't white-knuckling the banister went to her stomach and Erwin's heart stopped. This wasn't fear- he knew fear, he felt fear every time he gambled on a wager he wasn't sure he could pay. He could vertically maneuver through fear, he could devise plans and shout orders through fear. Here, safe within the Walls in the Survey Corps' headquarters, he couldn't move, he couldn't breathe. Hange spoke for him.

"Thomasin? Are you alright?" The dark woman let out the breath she had apparently been holding, the discomfort fading as annoyance rose up to replace it.

"This little piece of shit just punched me in the liver, and it scared the hell out of me…" She breathed deeply again. "I guess it freaked out when I jumped." This time, Hange gasped, but it was a purely happy sound, mirrored by their beaming smile.

"The baby moved!? Can I feel it!?"

"Probably not. I don't think it's enough to feel through the skin yet, just my fucking organs…" She trailed off as her attention shifted to the side and up. "Erwin? What's wrong- you look like you've seen a… proof that humanity doesn't exist outside the Walls." Whereas her voice was simply curious, Hange's was concerned.

"Are you okay, Erwin? You're white as a sheet…" He had to say something, but in order to do that, he had to breathe. He had to force his lungs to take in air. It hurt, he could hear the breath shuddering.

"I'm… I'm fine…" Dark brown eyes narrowed.

"…did you think I was going into labor?"

"What?"

"That's exactly what you thought, isn't it?"

"I-- I didn't think anything. I just--" He'd just heard her gasp and saw her hand go to her belly and suddenly, all the things that could go wrong flooded his mind, his imagination filling in the things he didn't know (and there were so many things he didn't know). His head was spinning and he had to take a knee before he toppled over the banister. "Please don't do that again…"

"I can't exactly control it, Smith. What am I supposed to do; deafen myself so I don't get startled by loud noises? What the hell is going on down there, anyway?" Hange frowned thoughtfully for a moment before it hit them.

"…Mikasa's back." They quickly grabbed Thomasin's crutch and handed it to her, bounding down the stairs two at a time. "Fuck fuck fuck- Levi! Code red!!"

"I'm already down here!" Thomasin watched them until they moved beyond her field of view, turning her attention back to Erwin as he slowly climbed back to his feet.

"…Mikasa. That's the one who wanted you to die so badly that she tried to kill Levi, right?" His pulse was thankfully returning to normal.

"I don't think she wanted me to die so much as she was willing to let me die. She doesn't seem to harbor any resentment towards me personally." No more so than she did towards anyone who dared raise their voice at Eren. Thomasin pressed her lips into a thin line, but said nothing as she began walking down the final flight of stairs. Erwin moved in front of her before she could put her foot on the top step, walking slowly enough that there was only a single step between them. If she fell forward, she'd fall into him, and if she fell backwards… well, it was far more likely that she'd fall forward.

"What's 'code red'? Are you worried she's gonna take revenge for locking her up?"

"No. Mikasa is an intelligent girl and a… good soldier, when she wants to be, but Eren is a… poor influence on her. She does stupid things when he's involved. We don't want her to fall back into her old habits." A sardonic huff of air from above him.

"She's obviously infatuated with him; you think you can keep her away from him?"

"I know I can because I'm her commander. She's essentially on probation for the next two months, and if we catch her slipping, we might be forced to transfer her to another branch." They could not allow a repeat of Shiganshina, not ever… A Scout turning their blade on a human who wasn't a threat, on another Scout… never again. Erwin had taken two more steps before realizing that the "thump-step" behind him had stopped. He paused to look over his shoulder. "What is it? What's wrong?"

"…you should have executed them." The words came out as little more than an exhale. "They tried to kill you, to kill Levi." Only Mikasa had threatened Levi, and in the case of Erwin, willingly choosing to let someone die wasn't exactly "murder"- if it was, Levi would be a murderer himself (well, more so than he already was). Still, murder wasn't the crime they had been convicted of- insubordination and assault were, and… He sighed quietly.

"We need them. Mikasa is strong, almost as strong as Levi, and Eren… a Titan can provide a lot of manpower. You may have noticed that we're somewhat lacking manpower at the moment." Maybe it was the angle of her face, the slight part of her lips and the heavily lidded gaze she stared down at him with, but whatever it was, he felt like a cadet again, sitting at the lunch benches under a moonless sky.

"…and the Survey Corps needs manpower and strong soldiers so badly that you're willing to present your back to soldiers who were hoping for your death, who were fighting to make sure you would die?"

What could possibly be so special out there that you wanna jump into a Titan's mouth to see it…?

"Thomasin--"

"It doesn't matter where you go or don't go… I could break both your legs and lock you in an empty cellar, and you would still find some way to get yourself killed…"

"Thomasin, I'm a Shifter now; it's practically impossible to kill me. I'm safer now than I've ever been in my life." Brown eyes slipped shut and she inhaled slowly and deeply, exhaling just the same.

"…forget I said anything." She began walking again, but the stairwell was narrow and Erwin was big enough that he could easily block her progress just by standing still.

"No, I'm not forgetting anything; stop talking in riddles and tell me what you mean!" He could see her jaw tighten as well as her fingers on the banister.

"…you have the perfect excuse now, don't you. Anything I bring up, you can just counter with 'but I'm a Titan Shifter now- nothing can hurt me!' That boy you ate; wasn't he a Shifter, too? I wasn't aware that he was still alive, crawling around inside of you." Erwin swallowed, but it did nothing for his nausea. She sighed, shutting her eyes, turning her face away from him. "I don't know why it's so hard for you to understand, Erwin… Do you just… not have empathy? Do you think that other people don't feel emotions the way you do?"

"Of course not!"

"Then why don't you get it?!" she snapped desperately. "A minute ago, you were scared, weren't you? I know you were. I have never seen you that scared before, and I was there when you saw your first Titan. That fear that reaches into your chest and grips your heart until you think you're going to die… that's the fear I feel when I hear that the girl who was willing to kill her lieutenant to let you die is back on base with you. And I don't want to be scared for you all the time, but how can I not be when I keep almost losing you? And you just won't stop…!" The crystalline beads that had been gathering in her lashes had grown heavy enough to fall, rolling down her cheeks and between her fingers as she covered her mouth to muffle her sobs. The stairwell was narrow and both Erwin and Thomasin were big, but he still managed to squeeze in beside her, to angle his body so that he could wrap his arm around her, pressing her against his body in such a way that he still stood mostly in front of her.

"I can still retire--"

"You would never. You already told Hange you wouldn't."

"Who cares about Hange?"

"You do. You care about Hange; you love them just like you love Levi and like you loved Mike and Cecile and Horace, and if I made you choose between me and them, you would hate me." She pressed her face into the crook of his neck, and he could feel her tears soaking into his collar. "You're going to die and leave me all alone…"

"No," he said quietly, wishing his voice sounded as strong as his conviction felt, "I'm not."

…they'd had this conversation before, hadn't they? Or something like it, years ago, before Wall Maria fell, when "the Outside world" was little more than a pipe dream. He'd gotten badly hurt then too, his worst injury at the time, and it had explicitly been Levi's fault and she knew that even though he hadn't told her (Levi had). And yet, she wasn't afraid of Levi turning on him and killing him even though that outcome had been far more likely.

"Thomasin," he asked, running his fingers over her thick braid, "do you believe that Levi would do anything in his power to protect me?"

"Of course he would, but he's one man- he can't--"

"How can you be so sure?" He pulled back just enough to look at her. "If you're so afraid for me, why aren't you afraid to leave me alone with a man who absolutely tried to murder me twice?" She sniffled, wiping her nose on her sleeve.

"Levi wouldn't hurt you; he loves you." Erwin couldn't stop the snort, nearly choking on his laughter.

"Well, he sure has a funny way of showing it. Tell me; was this some kind of love at first- or rather, fifty-eighth- sight--"

"…not like that, you idiot. You're his mama duck." Cerulean eyes blinked hard and fast.

"…is this another form of that 'Papa Erwin' joke that I don't understand?"

"Do you know what baby ducks do when they hatch?" He shook his head. "They latch onto the first thing they see, thinking it's their mama. They follow it everywhere, they mimic it- they bond with it. Levi's like a baby duck… and when his friends died and he was terrified and alone… you were the first thing he saw. I'm not saying he's a stupid animal that can't act outside of its base instincts… most of the time… but he loves you in a way that goes deeper than friendship or lust or romance or even worship because, for a time at least… you were all he had… and I know what that feels like. That's why I trust him."

…a bond, a love deeper than worship… The Ackerman bloodline was a strange one, and Levi had implied that its members shared certain… predilections… That could explain a lot. Sighing, Erwin pulled Thomasin back into a hug.

"I won't be staying on base- I certainly won't be sleeping on base. Like I said, Mikasa is on probation, and part of those terms include not allowing her near weapons in anything but the most extreme circumstances."

"It's easy to kill people without swords, Erwin…" Thomasin's voice was muffled by his shirt.

"The other term of her probation is that Levi is going to be on her ass like stink on shit. She couldn't kill him when he was exhausted and unprepared; she's not going to be killing him- or me- now." Her breathing was muffled as well, but it was heavy enough that he could still hear it.

"…I guess I can't ask for more than that…" There was something about the listlessness of her tone that made his skin feel too small for his body.

"You could--"

"If I could ask for more, I would. But I can't, so I won't. I'll be satisfied with this." She lowered her voice to a whisper, but it was plain he was still intended to hear her words. "It's more than you've ever given me before, after all…"

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