p class="MsoNormal"em5 years later/em/p
p class="MsoNormal"emspan style="mso-spacerun: yes;" /span/em/p
p class="MsoNormal" Kara was flying./p
p class="MsoNormal" Throughout her tenure on this planet, she'd experienced a lot of things: pot stickers, N'Sync, pizza flavored pot stickers, Toto…many, many things. Nothing that compared to the freedom of flying. She could have done without her super hearing; at times it could be as much of a hindrance as it was a help. Her laser sight was cool, but it was a weapon, something to use against someone rather than something that existed just for her. Freeze breath? When she conjured up an ice rink for Ruby with nothing more than spilled water in the back yard? The way her eyes lit up as she rushed into her arms, made her feel 10 feet tall. But that was simply a parlor trick./p
p class="MsoNormal"span style="mso-spacerun: yes;" /spanspan style="mso-tab-count: 1;" /spanSuperspeed came the closest. Being able to slow the world down as she sped through it, running laps around the planet, knowing she could outdistance danger, or show up just in time to save the day. That she could make it to the ones she loved in seconds, had always made her feel super. But even that didn't compare to flying. To being able to push against the very forces of nature meant to keep her glued to the ground. The high she felt from racing through the air, wind whipping past her ears so fast the sound was like white noise./p
p class="MsoNormal" When she was flying, she didn't feel the wind so much as she was blanketed by it. It hammocked her body as she moved at speeds so fast it would boggle the mind. With her thick skin, she didn't feel the bite of the chilled temps. Even the thinner air tasted better away from the smog and nastiness the city kicked up. The air in the sky tasted pure, sweet even. When she was flying, she could shut her eyes, shut out the rest of the world, and just be still./p
p class="MsoNormal" emYou don't have to open your chute. /em/p
p class="MsoNormal" Kara's eyes snapped open to reality. She wasn't flying. She was falling, the ground rushing up to greet her at a shocking pace. Inside her jumpsuit she was shivering, while outside, beads of sweat appeared on her brow as the sun's radiation beat against her skin. She watched the ground approach. The landscape out here was intentionally square, the land parceled out into deliberate blocks of wide irrigation holes and overly green farmland. Once upon a time, she would have been able to see the details of the Earth at this height, the buildings, the people, each individual blade of grass./p
p class="MsoNormal" Earth had a diversity of life that was missing from Krypton. Birds, fish, oceans that teemed with hidden worlds; forests overrun with millions of different species. She didn't have superpowers on Krypton. She was a member of the noble House of El. With that title came a certain elevation over the general population of her home world. That title, though, only made her well respected. It didn't make her emsuper. /emIt didn't turn her into a god among her fellows. Rao was her guiding light, but Sol's radiation combined with her Kryptonian genes gave her abilities that made her a god, able to bring this fragile blue planet to her knees./p
p class="MsoNormal" emYou can stay here forever./em/p
p class="MsoNormal" Her parents had sent her here, to Earth. They had failed their planet, then tried to keep what was left of Krypton from disappearing by sending her to Earth to protect her baby cousin, Kal-El. She had been sent into her pod to chase after her cousin, only to touch down to find not a weak baby in need of protection, but a super man who, instead of taking her in, pawned her off on an Earth family. The Danvers weren't cruel. They weren't abusive. They just weren't emhers/em. Not then, not right off the bat. They didn't know what it meant to be a daughter of Krypton. Instead of embracing all of the ways that made her unique, they sentenced Kara Zor-El to an early death, building the human Kara Danvers on the ashes of her grave./p
p class="MsoNormal" emAll you have to do is close your eyes and drift away/em./p
p class="MsoNormal" Each time she jumped, it grew harder and harder to ignore the voice telling her to give in to her darker desires. She wasn't born a god; she landed on Earth and got a taste of what it felt like to become one. Once that taste had made itself into her soul, she didn't know how to survive without being one./p
p class="MsoNormal" 3,500 ft./p
p class="MsoNormal" emOne last fall. /em/p
p class="MsoNormal" 3,000./p
p class="MsoNormal" What was the point in living in a world with so much pain and destruction?/p
p class="MsoNormal" 2,900./p
p class="MsoNormal" Her altimeter was going crazy./p
p class="MsoNormal" 2,750./p
p class="MsoNormal" It would be so simple not to pull the cord. She had known nothing but loss since she was put into that pod. The loss of her world. The years she spent wasted in the Phantom Zone. Her aunt and uncle. Jeremiah Danvers. Oliver Queen. Mon-El. The Daxamites. M'yrnn, the multiverse, scores of others she hadn't been able to save. Lena./p
p class="MsoNormal" Her heart faltered at the remembrance of dark hair, green eyes, pale skin. The way her cheeks blushed pink, the intensity that those eyes stared at her, the way her face crumpled when she was devastated, or how it lit up with pure joy when Kara would walk into her office unexpectedly./p
p class="MsoNormal" emIf only I had told her I loved her. /em/p
p class="MsoNormal"em /emDeep in her heart, she knew it wouldn't have changed anything. Telling Lena she was in love with her wouldn't have stopped what happened. It wouldn't have stopped the attack from her final boss. The one that devastated their resources, the one that blinded Brainy, nearly killed Alex. Was so powerful that it needed Andrea Rojas, Maggie, all of the Legion, even Winn had come back from the future to help. That's how much power they needed to defeat this one. Even more powerful than Levithan. They had been successful, but it was a pyrrhic victory. Too much destruction, too much loss. Kara had fought non-stop for days, been weakened nearly to the point of death. But that wasn't what sapped her powers, what made her human-like. No. That had happened after she'd woken from her coma and found out that Lena, brilliant, sweet, caring, fierce Lena, was gone./p
p class="MsoNormal" Kara scoured the world looking for her, refusing to believe what she was being told. Wouldn't listen to what Kelly, or Maggie, or Alex, or James told her when they all said that one second she was there, the next there was an explosion, and Lena was gone. Pink mist. She didn't believe it when the stain of blood left behind where she once was, tested positive for Lena Luthor's DNA. Kara wouldn't hear any of it, she didn't want it to be true, it couldn't be true. But the thing she couldn't ignore was the deathly silence that greeted her ears where the once strong and powerful beating heart of the love of her life had been./p
p class="MsoNormal" 2,550 feet. /p
p class="MsoNormal" emYou don't have to do anything. /em/p
p class="MsoNormal"em /emThe altimeter was practically screaming at her. If she didn't pull the cord now, it didn't matter if she ever did. She didn't have superpowers anymore. She was just weak, pathetic, Kara Danvers. What was a few more feet when she'd already fallen so far?/p
p class="MsoNormal" 2,499 feet./p
p class="MsoNormal" She pulled the ripcord./p
p class="MsoNormal" The parachute canopy tugged hard on the straps that crisscrossed over her body, pulling her upwards harshly and stopping her free fall. Kara grit her teeth, clenching her fist in frustration as she cheated death. She just couldn't override the part of her that felt the need to save everyone, including herself./p
p class="MsoNormal" emThere's always tomorrow/em, that ever-present voice consoled her. She held on to the thought as she slowly drifted to a planet that was never supposed to be hers. /p
p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;" align="center"*/p
p class="MsoNormal"a name="_Hlk145956990"/aspan style="mso-tab-count: 1;" /spanMercedes was trying very hard not to lose her cool. She had sound check in less than an hour, Christophe was in a piss ass mood, her stomach was tied up in knots because she was going to do a lot of flying in a short amount of time…oh, and the whole world tour thing. She was doing a world tour! Her. She knocked on the locked connecting door. "Drizzle? Open the door please." /p
p class="MsoNormal"span style="mso-bookmark: _Hlk145956990;"span style="mso-spacerun: yes;" /spanspan style="mso-tab-count: 1;" /spanShe got no answer. Again. She knew what kind of choice words her mom would have had for her if she pulled something like this, but she was trying to be better. "Lord, I'm trying," she mumbled. She knocked again. When she again got no answer, she laid her flat palm against the door, banging it loudly. "Bethany Naomi Fabray, if you don't open this door right now!"/span/p
p class="MsoNormal"span style="mso-bookmark: _Hlk145956990;"span style="mso-spacerun: yes;" /spanspan style="mso-tab-count: 1;" /spanFrom the couch, Santana snickered. Mercedes spun on her heels glad for a target she could be mad at. "What are you laughing at?"/span/p
p class="MsoNormal"span style="mso-bookmark: _Hlk145956990;"span style="mso-spacerun: yes;" /spanspan style="mso-tab-count: 1;" /spanSantana's eyes slowly rose from her nails to look at Mercedes. "You full named her."/span/p
p class="MsoNormal"span style="mso-bookmark: _Hlk145956990;"span style="mso-spacerun: yes;" /spanspan style="mso-tab-count: 1;" /span"Shut up," Mercedes snapped, but then she snickered, rolling her eyes at her own seriousness. She heaved a full body sigh before turning back to the locked door. "Beth, I swear to God, if you don't open this door," she paused, not sure if it was for dramatics, or because she had to steel herself to say it. "No Beyoncé."/span/p
p class="MsoNormal"span style="mso-bookmark: _Hlk145956990;"span style="mso-spacerun: yes;" /spanspan style="mso-tab-count: 1;" /spanIt was comical how quickly the door swung open to reveal a 12-year-old girl who looked so much like her high school bully, it was giving her flash backs. "You wouldn't!" Mercedes stood her ground, pushing down the feelings that cropped up. /span/p
p class="MsoNormal"span style="mso-bookmark: _Hlk145956990;"span style="mso-spacerun: yes;" /spanspan style="mso-tab-count: 1;" /spanMercedes was a wall as she met the face of the indignant pre-teen. "Try. Me."/span/p
p class="MsoNormal"span style="mso-bookmark: _Hlk145956990;"span style="mso-spacerun: yes;" /spanspan style="mso-tab-count: 1;" /spanThey glowered at each other. Beth was stubborn and headstrong, but Mercedes had the upper hand here. They both knew it. Beth backed down first. /span/p
p class="MsoNormal"span style="mso-bookmark: _Hlk145956990;"span style="mso-spacerun: yes;" /spanspan style="mso-tab-count: 1;" /span"Fine." She grumbled. "But I want it on the record that this isn't fair!"/span/p
p class="MsoNormal"span style="mso-bookmark: _Hlk145956990;"span style="mso-spacerun: yes;" /spanspan style="mso-tab-count: 1;" /span"Life isn't fair, baby girl," Mercedes informed her. "And it's going to be a lot more unfair if you don't have your room packed up by the time I'm done with my set this evening."/span/p
p class="MsoNormal"span style="mso-bookmark: _Hlk145956990;"span style="mso-spacerun: yes;" /spanspan style="mso-tab-count: 1;" /spanFor two seconds there was a hope that Beth was done pushing the boundaries. It was short lived. "Okay, but wemhy /emcan't I go with you?" /span/p
p class="MsoNormal"span style="mso-bookmark: _Hlk145956990;"span style="mso-spacerun: yes;" /spanspan style="mso-tab-count: 1;" /spanMercedes was tired of having this argument. She wanted to pull a Mama Jones and just say, emBecause I said so, /emand be done with it, like her mom would have said to her, emhad /emsaid to her enough times throughout her childhood. But she was trying, emtrying /emto be better about those things. She was trying not to invalidate Beth's feelings. But she was also so tired of having to hash out this same conversation over and over again. The closer it got to Mercedes leaving, the more fights they seemed to be getting into. And look, she got it. Beth was running out of time. The problem was Mercedes didn't have time to do this. And she'd thought they'd reached an understanding…she would spend the summer with her mom, and then meet up with them on the last leg of her tour where she would be opening for Beyoncé in Johannesburg. /span/p
p class="MsoNormal"span style="mso-bookmark: _Hlk145956990;"span style="mso-spacerun: yes;" /spanspan style="mso-tab-count: 1;" /span"We've talked about this, Beth. Backstage at a world tour is hardly the place for a 12-year-old girl."/span/p
p class="MsoNormal"span style="mso-bookmark: _Hlk145956990;"span style="mso-spacerun: yes;" /spanspan style="mso-tab-count: 1;" /spanIt was the wrong thing to say. Mercedes knew that as soon as she saw the intelligent flash of Beth's hazel eyes, the quirk of her lips that told her Beth was trying not to smile. "Oh, so I can't go because of sexism? Would you be saying that if I was 'Ben'. I can't believe you're treating me differently because I was born female!"/span/p
p class="MsoNormal"span style="mso-bookmark: _Hlk145956990;"span style="mso-spacerun: yes;" /spanspan style="mso-tab-count: 1;" /span"You can cut that out. It's no place for a 12-year-old boy either." span style="mso-tab-count: 1;" /span/span/p
p class="MsoNormal"span style="mso-bookmark: _Hlk145956990;"span style="mso-spacerun: yes;" /spanspan style="mso-tab-count: 1;" /spanBeth folded her hands over her chest. "I don't understand why it's any different than any other time that I've come to one of your shows. I do this emall the time/em." Mercedes cringed at the whine. Beth's arms flapped around. "I'm here right now!"/span/p
p class="MsoNormal"span style="mso-bookmark: _Hlk145956990;"span style="mso-spacerun: yes;" /spanspan style="mso-tab-count: 1;" /span"So, are you telling me that I shouldn't bring you along to any more of my shows?" Santana watched in amusement as Beth realized the implication of that. Her mouth dropped open. "You used to come to my shows when I could keep an eye on you and I wasn't performing for 10s of 10,000s of people, Drizzle."/span/p
p class="MsoNormal"span style="mso-bookmark: _Hlk145956990;"span style="mso-tab-count: 1;" /span"And the last thing you need is to be worrying about me," Beth pouted. For good measure, she flopped down onto the couch. Mercedes buckled somewhat under it. She walked over to Beth and lifted her chin. "I'm always going to worry about you. No matter how old you are, whether you're 5 or 50, but right now, you're 12 years old and I know you think you're old, but that's not backstage on a world tour old. I don't want you growing up that fast."/span/p
p class="MsoNormal"span style="mso-bookmark: _Hlk145956990;"span style="mso-spacerun: yes;" /spanspan style="mso-tab-count: 1;" /spanBeth rolled her eyes. "You're just worried I'll get knocked up. Like emher/em. I'm not like that."/span/p
p class="MsoNormal"span style="mso-bookmark: _Hlk145956990;"span style="mso-spacerun: yes;" /spanspan style="mso-tab-count: 1;" /span"Not emher/em, your mom."/span/p
p class="MsoNormal"span style="mso-bookmark: _Hlk145956990;"span style="mso-spacerun: yes;" /spanspan style="mso-tab-count: 1;" /span"Her," Beth said petulantly. "I don't see why you expect me to want to be with her when you don't want to be around her, Aunt Snix doesn't want to be around her-,"/span/p
p class="MsoNormal"span style="mso-bookmark: _Hlk145956990;"span style="mso-spacerun: yes;" /spanspan style="mso-tab-count: 1;" /spanSantana, who had been watching this whole thing like a tennis match, looked startled at hearing her own name being brought up. "How'd my name get into this?"/span/p
p class="MsoNormal"span style="mso-bookmark: _Hlk145956990;"span style="mso-spacerun: yes;" /spanspan style="mso-tab-count: 1;" /spanMercedes and Beth ignored her. "You spend the summers with your mom, Beth. This isn't new."/span/p
p class="MsoNormal"span style="mso-bookmark: _Hlk145956990;"span style="mso-spacerun: yes;" /spanspan style="mso-tab-count: 1;" /span"I don't see why I have to. I'm old enough to decide for myself. And if you don't have to talk to her, I don't see why emI /emdo."/span/p
p class="MsoNormal"span style="mso-bookmark: _Hlk145956990;"span style="mso-spacerun: yes;" /spanspan style="mso-tab-count: 1;" /spanMercedes could feel the headache starting. Not for the first time she wondered why she ever signed on for this. /span/p
p class="MsoNormal"span style="mso-bookmark: _Hlk145956990;"span style="mso-spacerun: yes;" /spanspan style="mso-tab-count: 1;" /span"I talk to your mom."/span/p
p class="MsoNormal"span style="mso-bookmark: _Hlk145956990;"span style="mso-spacerun: yes;" /spanspan style="mso-tab-count: 1;" /span"Only about emme/em."/span/p
p class="MsoNormal"span style="mso-bookmark: _Hlk145956990;"span style="mso-spacerun: yes;" /spanspan style="mso-tab-count: 1;" /span"We talk when it's necessary." Mercedes just worked really hard to not make it necessary. Her relationship with Quinn was…complicated. Beth was the complication. "Why don't you want to spend the summer with your mom, Baby B?"/span/p
p class="MsoNormal"span style="mso-bookmark: _Hlk145956990;"span style="mso-spacerun: yes;" /spanspan style="mso-tab-count: 1;" /spanBeth sighed, fidgeting with her hands curled in her lap. "I want to spend it with you." Before Mercedes could launch into another explanation, Beth cut her off at the pass. "I emknow, /emmom. This isn't about me going on tour. I'm emso /emexcited and emso /emproud of you. You've worked so hard for this. I emlove/em that I can say that Mercy J, emthe /emMercy J, is emmy /emmom, but," she did that thing where she ducked her head because she was going to say something she was embarrassed by, "I'm…going to miss you."/span/p
p class="MsoNormal"span style="mso-bookmark: _Hlk145956990;"span style="mso-spacerun: yes;" /spanspan style="mso-tab-count: 1;" /spanMercedes felt that heart sinking into her stomach moment that parenting sometimes blessed you with. She reached for Beth and hugged her. "I'm going to miss you, too, Drizz." She fixed a fake optimistic look to her face. "But you're going to have so much fun with your mom this summer, you're not even going to know I'm gone." /span/p
p class="MsoNormal"span style="mso-bookmark: _Hlk145956990;"span style="mso-spacerun: yes;" /spanspan style="mso-tab-count: 1;" /spanBeth rolled her eyes. Hard. "Like she's even going to have time for me."/span/p
p class="MsoNormal"span style="mso-bookmark: _Hlk145956990;"span style="mso-spacerun: yes;" /spanspan style="mso-tab-count: 1;" /span"Don't say that!" /span/p
p class="MsoNormal"span style="mso-bookmark: _Hlk145956990;"span style="mso-spacerun: yes;" /spanspan style="mso-tab-count: 1;" /span"It's true. Do you remember that Luthor woman?"/span/p
p class="MsoNormal"span style="mso-bookmark: _Hlk145956990;"span style="mso-spacerun: yes;" /spanspan style="mso-tab-count: 1;" /spanMercedes did her best not to pull out her phone to check her time, but she knew she only had a few minutes left. "Your mom wrote an article about her after she died. I read it." /span/p
p class="MsoNormal"span style="mso-bookmark: _Hlk145956990;"span style="mso-spacerun: yes;" /spanspan style="mso-tab-count: 1;" /span"Yeah, well, she's kind of obsessed with her now. That's what she's going to be doing. While you're going to be off traveling the world, she's playing Sherlock Homes, and I'll be stuck here all by myself."/span/p
p class="MsoNormal"span style="mso-bookmark: _Hlk145956990;"span style="mso-tab-count: 1;" /spanMercedes gave the child one last hug, standing up. "You won't be by yourself. I'll call and Facetime like always. And give your mom grace. She's doing her best."/span/p
p class="MsoNormal"span style="mso-bookmark: _Hlk145956990;"span style="mso-spacerun: yes;" /spanspan style="mso-tab-count: 1;" /span"Why should her best get some gold star, when you put in 10x more work than she does?"/span/p
p class="MsoNormal"span style="mso-bookmark: _Hlk145956990;"span style="mso-spacerun: yes;" /spanspan style="mso-tab-count: 1;" /span"I've told you before, everybody can't do everything. We all have our challenges."/span/p
p class="MsoNormal"span style="mso-bookmark: _Hlk145956990;"span style="mso-spacerun: yes;" /spanspan style="mso-tab-count: 1;" /span"I didn't know emI/em was such a challenge."/span/p
p class="MsoNormal"span style="mso-bookmark: _Hlk145956990;"span style="mso-spacerun: yes;" /spanspan style="mso-tab-count: 1;" /spanMercedes gave a full belly laugh, gently lifting Beth to her feet. "Really?" she teased. "You're right, Drizzle, raising you has been the easiest thing I've ever done."/span/p
p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;" align="center"span style="mso-bookmark: _Hlk145956990;"*/span/p
p class="MsoNormal"span style="mso-bookmark: _Hlk145956990;"span style="mso-tab-count: 1;" /spanThe worst part of the jump came when she was floating to the ground, and her thoughts hit her full force. /span/p
p class="MsoNormal"span style="mso-bookmark: _Hlk145956990;"span style="mso-tab-count: 1;" /spanThe first year…was the worst. Kara had literally scoured the world, looking for a sign or trace of Lena just in case the DNA test was wrong, or this was one of Lex's tricks, or Lena had that watch, or, or, or. (But…and this question remained at the back of her mind, if Lena was still alive, why hadn't she been able to be found?) When her powers burned out, she chartered flights. She used money from one of Lena's secret accounts to fund her explorations. She went to that place in South America Lena talked about. She went to France. Italy. Rome. Ireland. England. Any place Lena might have mentioned. She checked; she asked around. She might have done some illegal hacking if Winn hadn't returned back to the style="mso-spacerun: yes;" /span/span/p
p class="MsoNormal"span style="mso-bookmark: _Hlk145956990;"span style="mso-tab-count: 1;" /spanThe next year was the worst. It was the year her friends lost hope. Nia was the first to style="mso-spacerun: yes;" /span/span/p
p class="MsoNormal"span style="mso-bookmark: _Hlk145956990;"span style="mso-spacerun: yes;" /spanspan style="mso-tab-count: 1;" /spanem"Kara, maybe it's time to accept-," /emshe was able to silence Nia's words with a glare. She didn't say anything further, but the pitying looks and the gentle pats that she would levy on Kara spoke volumes. /span/p
p class="MsoNormal"span style="mso-bookmark: _Hlk145956990;"span style="mso-tab-count: 1;" /spanBrainy was next. "emI've run the simulations, ran through public databases, hacked the NSA. We saw the DNA results. I am certain that the odds that Lena is still alive are negligible."/em/span/p
p class="MsoNormal"span style="mso-bookmark: _Hlk145956990;"emspan style="mso-spacerun: yes;" /spanspan style="mso-tab-count: 1;" /span/emShe pushed her words away. "The odds have been against us time and time again. Lena didn't stop holding out hope, I won't either." /span/p
p class="MsoNormal"span style="mso-bookmark: _Hlk145956990;"span style="mso-spacerun: yes;" /spanspan style="mso-tab-count: 1;" /spanThe rest fell like dominos. James. Lucy. Even Cat Grant. She got tired of the pitying looks, of her friends trying to convince her of the impossible. So, she cut ties, one by one. Alex was the worst. The hardest. /span/p
p class="MsoNormal"span style="mso-bookmark: _Hlk145956990;"span style="mso-tab-count: 1;" /span"emYou can't keep doing this to yourself!" /emThis argument came after she'd checked the morgue in Seattle where a Jane Doe matching Lena's description had shown up. It was her 20supth/sup one that month alone. It'd been a hard month. She knew better to hold out hope anymore, but she did it anyway, because the alternative was stopping. em"It's been two years. It's time to accept that she's dead, Kara."/em/span/p
p class="MsoNormal"span style="mso-bookmark: _Hlk145956990;"emspan style="mso-tab-count: 1;" /span/emIt was like being shot with a Kryptonite bullet. No one in her friend circle had actually said those words out loud yet. Not to her anyway. em"She's gone." /emAlex had gone in to hug her. Kara stopped her, pushing her away, glad that she no longer had super strength. Alex tried again. Kara sat stiff in her arms. em"She's gone." /em/span/p
p class="MsoNormal"span style="mso-bookmark: _Hlk145956990;"span style="mso-spacerun: yes;" /spanspan style="mso-tab-count: 1;" /spanKara felt her heart beating in her ears, sounding the way Lena's once did, back when she could hear mice scurrying through a field miles away. em"But you're not, Kara. And you still have a life to live./em"/span/p
p class="MsoNormal"span style="mso-bookmark: _Hlk145956990;"span style="mso-spacerun: yes;" /spanspan style="mso-tab-count: 1;" /spanShe realized she hadn't cried yet, not until the first tears started trickling down her cheeks. To cry meant to accept it, and to accept it meant…it meant…/span/p
p class="MsoNormal"span style="mso-bookmark: _Hlk145956990;"span style="mso-spacerun: yes;" /spanspan style="mso-tab-count: 1;" /spanem"How am I supposed to live without her?"/em She wrapped her arms around herself to hold in her piteous whine, but it escaped even still. em"What would you do if Kelly died?" /emJust the thought was enough to cause Alex's breath to still. Alex stared in that way she had, trying to examine her sister while Kara stood there with her heart raw and bloody, exposed. /span/p
p class="MsoNormal"span style="mso-bookmark: _Hlk145956990;"span style="mso-spacerun: yes;" /spanspan style="mso-tab-count: 1;" /spanem"You loved her that much? You never said."/em/span/p
p class="MsoNormal"span style="mso-bookmark: _Hlk145956990;"span style="mso-spacerun: yes;" /spanspan style="mso-tab-count: 1;" /spanem"I didn't think I had to./em"/span/p
p class="MsoNormal"span style="mso-bookmark: _Hlk145956990;"span style="mso-spacerun: yes;" /spanspan style="mso-tab-count: 1;" /spanThe third year was the worst. It was the year she finally accepted Lena was really dead./span/p
p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;" align="center"span style="mso-bookmark: _Hlk145956990;"*/span/p
p class="MsoNormal"span style="mso-bookmark: _Hlk145956990;"span style="mso-spacerun: yes;" /spanspan style="mso-tab-count: 1;" /spanHer phone started ringing almost as soon as her feet hit the ground. She knew it was /span/p
p class="MsoNormal"span style="mso-bookmark: _Hlk145956990;"Alex. Her sister was the only one who called her randomly anymore. Nia would send texts every now and then. Eliza called once a month on Sunday nights, 6:00 o'clock. Kelly didn't call. Twice a month she would email her. Every two weeks she would provide exactly three pictures of Esme, and two short paragraphs: one on how her niece was doing, the other on the things she and Alex were engaged in. The her and Alex paragraph was always surface level: plans to buy a new car, Alex joining the PTA, Kelly contemplating taking a professorship. She didn't mention emotions, almost never brought them into the conversation. She didn't levy her emotional state to guilt Kara into coming back to National City like Alex. The emails were perfectly structured and always ended with the same two lines: emYou're missed. Take your time./em /span/p
p class="MsoNormal"span style="mso-bookmark: _Hlk145956990;"span style="mso-spacerun: yes;" /spanspan style="mso-tab-count: 1;" /spanShe stared at Alex's name; not really in the mood to deal with her sister. She never was in the mood these days. With a sigh, she connected the call. "Hi, Alex," she said, feeling weary already. The sudden approach of determined footsteps was a godsend. Even as she was met with the apoplectic red face of Salem, the pilot. "Danvers!"/span/p
p class="MsoNormal"span style="mso-bookmark: _Hlk145956990;"span style="mso-spacerun: yes;" /spanspan style="mso-tab-count: 1;" /spanRelieved she informed Alex, "I'll call you back."/span/p
p class="MsoNormal"span style="mso-bookmark: _Hlk145956990;"span style="mso-spacerun: yes;" /spanspan style="mso-tab-count: 1;" /span"Bu-"/span/p
p class="MsoNormal"span style="mso-bookmark: _Hlk145956990;"span style="mso-spacerun: yes;" /spanspan style="mso-tab-count: 1;" /spanShe ended the call and slid the phone into the pocket of her jump suit. "What's going on?"/span/p
p class="MsoNormal"span style="mso-bookmark: _Hlk145956990;"span style="mso-spacerun: yes;" /spanspan style="mso-tab-count: 1;" /spanHe glowered at her. "You're grounded."/span/p
p class="MsoNormal"span style="mso-bookmark: _Hlk145956990;"span style="mso-spacerun: yes;" /spanspan style="mso-tab-count: 1;" /spanShe frowned his way, tugging at her straps, pretty sure that was obvious. She was literally once again on the ground. "What?"/span/p
p class="MsoNormal"span style="mso-bookmark: _Hlk145956990;"span style="mso-spacerun: yes;" /spanspan style="mso-tab-count: 1;" /span"That's the last time you go up with me," he said, rushing the words out. /span/p
p class="MsoNormal"span style="mso-bookmark: _Hlk145956990;"span style="mso-spacerun: yes;" /spanspan style="mso-tab-count: 1;" /spanShe was suddenly paying him more attention. "What? Why? I paid for two flights. You said you'd take me up twice!"/span/p
p class="MsoNormal"span style="mso-bookmark: _Hlk145956990;"span style="mso-spacerun: yes;" /spanspan style="mso-tab-count: 1;" /span"2,500 feet. You pull your chute at 2,500 feet, no lower!" He pushed his index finger into the furrow of her brow. "Whatever problems you got going through your head, you deal with them on the ground." He pointed at the blue expanse of sky. "Not up there. I'm not going to help you kill yourself. That's the last time I take you up with me, and if I see you on this runway again, I'm letting every damn biplane and charter around know you got a fucking death wish!" /span/p
p class="MsoNormal"span style="mso-bookmark: _Hlk145956990;"span style="mso-spacerun: yes;" /spanspan style="mso-tab-count: 1;" /spanHe squashed the bent brim of his hat before pulling it over his balding head. She'd liked this guy. He wasn't much older than her, friendly, easy to get along with. He'd been short on conversation and flight time. He took her up higher than any other pilot around. She'd hoped to go up at least one more time today before she called it. Now what was she supposed to do?/span/p
p class="MsoNormal"span style="mso-bookmark: _Hlk145956990;"span style="mso-spacerun: yes;" /spanspan style="mso-spacerun: yes;" /spanspan style="mso-tab-count: 1;" /spanShe dug her fingernails into weak, pliable skin./span/p
p class="MsoNormal"span style="mso-bookmark: _Hlk145956990;"span style="mso-spacerun: yes;" /spanspan style="mso-tab-count: 1;" /span"I just got distracted."/span/p
p class="MsoNormal"span style="mso-bookmark: _Hlk145956990;"span style="mso-spacerun: yes;" /spanspan style="mso-tab-count: 1;" /span"Get distracted with somebody else. Not with me!"/span/p
p class="MsoNormal"span style="mso-bookmark: _Hlk145956990;"span style="mso-spacerun: yes;" /spanspan style="mso-tab-count: 1;" /spanHe spun on his wheels, anger present in his walk as he stalked away from her. Kara glanced up at the sky, the sun beating down on her. /span/p
p class="MsoNormal"span style="mso-bookmark: _Hlk145956990;"span style="mso-tab-count: 1;" /spanShe'd discovered parachuting by accident. She tried to return to National City, in year 3, tried to move on with her life like everyone suggested. She even had a therapist. Someone that Kelly secretly found for her and Kara had only agreed to go to if her sister-in-law promised not to breathe a word of it to Alex. The city was recovering since the battle, but her heart wasn't that resilient. Her apartment, Lena's apartment, Noonan's, the Tower, the alien bar, Big Belly Burger, all of it was tainted. She had been in the city for less than two months before she was packing. /span/p
p class="MsoNormal"span style="mso-bookmark: _Hlk145956990;"span style="mso-spacerun: yes;" /spanspan style="mso-tab-count: 1;" /spanHer sister tried to stop her. span style="mso-spacerun: yes;" /span/span/p
p class="MsoNormal"span style="mso-bookmark: _Hlk145956990;"span style="mso-tab-count: 1;" /spanem"You just got back! Where are you going to go?"/em/span/p
p class="MsoNormal"span style="mso-bookmark: _Hlk145956990;"emspan style="mso-tab-count: 1;" /span/emKara didn't even pause in her packing. em"I don't know. Maine, maybe." /em/span/p
p class="MsoNormal"span style="mso-bookmark: _Hlk145956990;"span style="mso-spacerun: yes;" /spanspan style="mso-tab-count: 1;" /spanIt was as far away as she could think of. She was willing to admit, she wasn't thinking too much about it. /span/p
p class="MsoNormal"span style="mso-bookmark: _Hlk145956990;"span style="mso-tab-count: 1;" /span"emI know you're hurting, Kara, but you need to stop. Stop! I know it's hard. I know you're hurting. I wish, I wish more than anything that I knew how to take your pain away, but you can't keep running."/em/span/p
p class="MsoNormal"span style="mso-bookmark: _Hlk145956990;"emspan style="mso-spacerun: yes;" /spanspan style="mso-tab-count: 1;" /span"I can't be here, Alex!" /em/span/p
p class="MsoNormal"span style="mso-bookmark: _Hlk145956990;"emspan style="mso-spacerun: yes;" /spanspan style="mso-tab-count: 1;" /span"I'm worried!"/em/span/p
p class="MsoNormal"span style="mso-bookmark: _Hlk145956990;"emspan style="mso-spacerun: yes;" /spanspan style="mso-tab-count: 1;" /span/emKara didn't know what to say. There was a fight. Lots of words spoken that neither of them meant. Defeated, Alex stood by with her head bowed. She made one last appeal. "emIf you need to go, go, but please, for my peace of mind, I need you somewhat reachable/em."/span/p
p class="MsoNormal"span style="mso-bookmark: _Hlk145956990;"span style="mso-spacerun: yes;" /spanspan style="mso-tab-count: 1;" /spanShe didn't want to be reachable. She wanted to be as unreachable as Lena was. /span/p
p class="MsoNormal"span style="mso-bookmark: _Hlk145956990;"emspan style="mso-spacerun: yes;" /spanspan style="mso-tab-count: 1;" /span"I used to be able to get to anywhere in the world in less than half an hour." /em/span/p
p class="MsoNormal"span style="mso-bookmark: _Hlk145956990;"emspan style="mso-tab-count: 1;" /span"Yes, but you're human now." /em/span/p
p class="MsoNormal"span style="mso-bookmark: _Hlk145956990;"span style="mso-spacerun: yes;" /spanspan style="mso-tab-count: 1;" /spanShe understood what Alex was saying, but she was wrong. She wasn't human. She was an alien on an alien world. Powerless. Her thoughts drifted briefly to Sam and Ruby. Sam was at her core Kryptonian but, like Kal, she didn't grow up in the customs. Before…she and Sam had gotten even closer than they'd been, their friendship fueled by Sam's desire to know more about her heritage and for Ruby to know about that part of her. Kara had delightfully taught them everything she could. The first full sentence Ruby spoke in Kryptonian had brought her to tears. She excused herself, only for Lena to follow her into the backyard, coaxing her into a firm embrace. She had sat in on the training sessions, wanting to learn more about this part of Kara since there were no more secrets. She explained how she felt the first time she heard someone speaking Irish, a language she hadn't heart since her mom died, and wanted to give that feeling back to style="mso-spacerun: yes;" /span/span/p
p class="MsoNormal"span style="mso-bookmark: _Hlk145956990;"span style="mso-spacerun: yes;" /spanspan style="mso-tab-count: 1;" /spanLena explained all of this in Kryptonese; she had been learning it as Kara taught Ruby and Sam. /span/p
p class="MsoNormal"span style="mso-bookmark: _Hlk145956990;"span style="mso-tab-count: 1;" /spanIt was in that moment Kara realized she could love no other person more strongly, or more fiercely, than she loved Lena Kieran Luthor. /span/p
p class="MsoNormal"span style="mso-bookmark: _Hlk145956990;"span style="mso-tab-count: 1;" /spanSo, what the hell was she supposed to do now that Lena was gone?/span/p
p class="MsoNormal"span style="mso-bookmark: _Hlk145956990;"span style="mso-spacerun: yes;" /spanspan style="mso-tab-count: 1;" /spanShe attempted to stay in California; she heard about a parachuting accident in Lodi. It was a place where they had quite a few deaths. She told herself that she didn't go for any nefarious reasons. That she just wanted to check the place out. She didn't jump thinking that she would die. But for the first time in years, when she was in the air, she felt like she could breathe again. /span/p
p class="MsoNormal"span style="mso-bookmark: _Hlk145956990;"span style="mso-spacerun: yes;" /spanspan style="mso-tab-count: 1;" /spanShe stayed in Lodi as long as she could. For five months she stared to feel good enough to make the smallest of efforts with her friends and family. Nothing big. A call here or there. A visit as long as it wasn't in National City. She invited Kelly and Alex to the apartment she was renting. She had decorated it minimally, buying a couch and a lounger days before they came. Alex said nothing about her mattress that was sitting on the ground. Kelly gave her a concerned smile. Esme ran into her arms with glee, too young to realize how much her aunt was falling apart, just thrilled that she was there. /span/p
p class="MsoNormal"span style="mso-bookmark: _Hlk145956990;"span style="mso-spacerun: yes;" /spanspan style="mso-tab-count: 1;" /spanShe became certified to jump on her own, and she did it as much as possible, sometimes doing up to five jumps a day. But then the receptionist started eyeing her with unease when she showed up. There were whispers. She could see it forming in their eyes, the rejection. She left before it could be voiced. It started a pattern. She would stay in a place only long enough before she became known, and then she had to leave. She zigzagged her way across the country in year four and five. Vegas had been promising. Now it was over./span/p
p class="MsoNormal"span style="mso-bookmark: _Hlk145956990;"span style="mso-tab-count: 1;" /spanShe dug her phone out of her pocket and called her sister. "Hey, Alex."/span/p
p class="MsoNormal"span style="mso-bookmark: _Hlk145956990;"span style="mso-spacerun: yes;" /spanspan style="mso-tab-count: 1;" /spanThe accompanying pause let Kara know that Alex was surprised Kara actually called. /span/p
p class="MsoNormal"span style="mso-bookmark: _Hlk145956990;"span style="mso-spacerun: yes;" /spanspan style="mso-tab-count: 1;" /span"Thanks for calling me back."/span/p
p class="MsoNormal"span style="mso-bookmark: _Hlk145956990;"span style="mso-spacerun: yes;" /span/spanspan style="mso-spacerun: yes;" /spanspan style="mso-tab-count: 1;" /spanKara felt that familiar tightening in her chest. "You're welcome," she said flatly. She imagined that her sister was squeezing the stress ball Kelly gave her so that Kara wouldn't hear her sigh. This is why she didn't want to talk to her sister. Every time Alex called, she was hoping emKara /emwould answer the phone, and every time she was disappointed when the emghost of Kara /emwas waiting on the other side of the line. What did Alex expect? The Kara she was looking for had died right alongside Lena. She didn't know how to be that Kara anymore. Lena had been so much of her life, of both Kara Zor-El and Kara Danvers, that she didn't know how to exist without her. It seemed fitting she lost her powers and Lena had the same time. Hadn't they been the reason she lost Lena in the first place? "What's up?"/p
p class="MsoNormal"span style="mso-spacerun: yes;" /spanspan style="mso-tab-count: 1;" /span"Esme has an end of year thing at her school, and we were really hoping you could come."/p
p class="MsoNormal"span style="mso-tab-count: 1;" /spanspan style="mso-spacerun: yes;" /spanKara closed her eyes and tilted her head up to the sun, counting silently in her head. There was a Kryptonian prayer she used to pray, a request for calm. She hadn't talked to Rao since…in a while./p
p class="MsoNormal"span style="mso-spacerun: yes;" /spanspan style="mso-tab-count: 1;" /span"Alex-,"/p
p class="MsoNormal"span style="mso-tab-count: 1;" /span"It's just one day, Kara. Please?" Her sister sounded so desperate. "Esme misses you, mom misses you, and I-," Alex was a second too late in biting back her sob, so that Kara heard the first part of it. "I miss you. So much, Kara. I-," Alex paused so suddenly, it made Kara wonder if Alex was practicing one of Kelly's techniques. Maybe that was why Alex abruptly changed tone. "Please just think about it?"/p
p class="MsoNormal"span style="mso-spacerun: yes;" /spanspan style="mso-tab-count: 1;" /spanShe hated hearing her sister reduced to this. She hated being reduced to this. It wasn't that she wasn't trying. She was. She just didn't know how to not be broken. She didn't know how to be strong enough to be there for everyone else, when she didn't know how to be there for herself. She just wanted to be able to forget. No, what she wanted was Lena, and without her, she didn't know what the point of anything was anymore. What were you supposed to do when your world ended? How much loss was one person really expected to bear before they were crushed under the weight of it?/p
p class="MsoNormal"span style="mso-spacerun: yes;" /spanspan style="mso-tab-count: 1;" /span"I'll think on it, Alex," she hedged./p
p class="MsoNormal"span style="mso-spacerun: yes;" /spanspan style="mso-tab-count: 1;" /spanHer sister clearly wasn't expecting that response. "Oh. Thank you, Kara. I'll text you the details." Seconds later she heard the notification. There was nothing but an awkward pause on the line. "Let us know."/p
p class="MsoNormal"span style="mso-spacerun: yes;" /spanspan style="mso-tab-count: 1;" /span"I will."/p
p class="MsoNormal"span style="mso-spacerun: yes;" /spanspan style="mso-tab-count: 1;" /span"Thanks, Kara." There was nothing left to do but say good-bye. They both knew it./p
p class="MsoNormal"span style="mso-spacerun: yes;" /spanspan style="mso-tab-count: 1;" /span"K. Bye."/p
p class="MsoNormal"span style="mso-spacerun: yes;" /spanspan style="mso-tab-count: 1;" /spanHer sisters voice came through the line right before she could end the call. "Are you safe?"/p
p class="MsoNormal"span style="mso-spacerun: yes;" /spanspan style="mso-tab-count: 1;" /spanShe thought about that voice in her head, telling her not to pull the cord. "I'm safe."/p
p class="MsoNormal"span style="mso-spacerun: yes;" /spanspan style="mso-tab-count: 1;" /span"Then…okay. Okay," she repeated. "I love you."/p
p class="MsoNormal"span style="mso-tab-count: 1;" /spanKara mumbled something back, and then the call was thankfully over. She rubbed at her temples, trying to dispel the sudden headache that had just started. She looked at the time on her watch before putting it away. It was only 3 o'clock. She wrung her hands together. As part of 'being better', she made it a rule that she couldn't go to sleep before 8:30. There was still too much time to fill without being able to go back up in the sky./p
p class="MsoNormal"span style="mso-spacerun: yes;" /spanspan style="mso-tab-count: 1;" /spanShe headed in the general direction of her apartment. She tended to avoid the hotel bars because they were usually overcrowded, sometimes even in the middle of the afternoon. Instead, she went to a little hole in the wall spot close by. The bartender gave her a familiar nod as she climbed onto the barstool. While she waited for her 7 and 7 to make its way to her, she scratched her nail against the sticky bar top, ruminating in her thoughts. span style="mso-spacerun: yes;" /span/p
p class="MsoNormal"span style="mso-spacerun: yes;" /spanspan style="mso-tab-count: 1;" /spanIf Salem stuck to his word, she would have to leave Vegas. It was a disappointing thought. So far, Vegas had been so promising. The apartment she'd been subletting was off the strip, and with the bright lights, crowds, and noise, if she lied hard enough to herself, she could pretend that the reason she felt like crawling out of her skin was due to heightened noise and sight. It was almost like being Super again./p
p class="MsoNormal"span style="mso-tab-count: 1;" /spanA splinter worked its way under her thumb. She hissed at the pain, still so unfamiliar after all these years of being nearly invincible. Curiously, she looked down at the blood pooling beneath the nail. Humans were so fragile./p
p class="MsoNormal"span style="mso-spacerun: yes;" /spanspan style="mso-tab-count: 1;" /spanShe tapped the bar. Another drink was sat down in front of her within seconds. She was getting so much better at drinking. She hadn't quite reached Alex or Lena levels of alcoholism, but if she kept working at it, she just might get there sooner rather than later./p
p class="MsoNormal"span style="mso-spacerun: yes;" /spanspan style="mso-tab-count: 1;" /spanShe took her refreshed drink, spinning slightly on her stool to observe the small crowds around her. There was a guy and girl in what could marginally pass for wedding attire (if she squinted) surrounded by two of their friends. Kara couldn't tell if this was a post wedding celebration, or if they were soon to be married. At another table there were two Showgirls half in costume swaying to jukebox music. Not too far from them was a Michael Jackson impersonator downing cheap vodka. Vegas was its own unique place, that was for sure./p
p class="MsoNormal"span style="mso-spacerun: yes;" /spanspan style="mso-tab-count: 1;" /spanThe doors opened and a small group of three walked in. A thin, Hispanic woman who was wearing low cut shorts with the kind of polo Old Kara might wear. Behind her was a larger, Black woman, who looked like she might look familiar to Old Kara, and who seemed fidgety, adjusting her sunglasses the way Kara used to fidget with hers when she was nervous. The third member of the group was a tall White guy, who had nervous eyes, that he swept around the room. span style="mso-spacerun: yes;" /span/p
p class="MsoNormal"span style="mso-spacerun: yes;" /spanspan style="mso-tab-count: 1;" /span"We could have gotten a drink at the hotel bar," the man said. Judging by the detachment he seemed to have from the other two, Kara decided he was either the driver, a bodyguard, or a mixture of both./p
p class="MsoNormal"span style="mso-spacerun: yes;" /spanspan style="mso-tab-count: 1;" /span"Not if we wanted any kind of peace," the woman with the sunglasses responded./p
p class="MsoNormal"span style="mso-spacerun: yes;" /spanspan style="mso-tab-count: 1;" /spanIt was a painful reminder of how Lena tried to avoid crowded spaces in her downtime span style="mso-spacerun: yes;" /span(especially surrounding her families trials) for fear of getting recognized. span style="mso-spacerun: yes;" /span/p
p class="MsoNormal"span style="mso-spacerun: yes;" /spanspan style="mso-tab-count: 1;" /spanThe guy didn't look cheered by this statement but didn't say anything else./p
p class="MsoNormal"span style="mso-spacerun: yes;" /spanspan style="mso-tab-count: 1;" /span"I can't help but feel like I'm forgetting something. Are we all set to leave right after the show tonight?"/p
p class="MsoNormal"span style="mso-tab-count: 1;" /spanThe other woman nodded. "Flight plan's been approved. We'll be wings up as soon as Steve-O manages to get you away from Cesar's."/p
p class="MsoNormal"span style="mso-spacerun: yes;" /spanspan style="mso-tab-count: 1;" /span"You sure? I don't want to miss my flight."/p
p class="MsoNormal"span style="mso-spacerun: yes;" /spanspan style="mso-tab-count: 1;" /span"You doubt me?"/p
p class="MsoNormal"span style="mso-spacerun: yes;" /spanspan style="mso-tab-count: 1;" /spanKara watched the little group take seats in a booth close enough that she could still hear them. "No."/p
p class="MsoNormal"span style="mso-spacerun: yes;" /spanspan style="mso-tab-count: 1;" /spanKara decided to give them names so she could differentiate the two. The guy she assumed was named Steve. The one that looked like she was hiding, reminded her of Nia. The more confident one reminded her of Leslie Willis./p
p class="MsoNormal"span style="mso-spacerun: yes;" /spanspan style="mso-tab-count: 1;" /span"You'll be at LAX with plenty of time to spare. As soon as I drop you off, me and Beth will fly to New York, and she'll be with Quinn by the time you touch down in Shanghai."/p
p class="MsoNormal"span style="mso-spacerun: yes;" /spanspan style="mso-tab-count: 1;" /spanThe guy went off to order drinks. Kara realized that she'd unconsciously leaned closer to the group./p
p class="MsoNormal"span style="mso-spacerun: yes;" /spanspan style="mso-tab-count: 1;" /span"Am I doing the right thing?"/p
p class="MsoNormal"span style="mso-spacerun: yes;" /spanspan style="mso-tab-count: 1;" /spanIf Steve was the driver, Kara wondered what that made the other woman. She didn't think that she was an assistant, but there was a professional relationship there. A somewhat personal one as well./p
p class="MsoNormal"span style="mso-spacerun: yes;" /spanspan style="mso-tab-count: 1;" /span"Are you still worried about Beth?"/p
p class="MsoNormal"span style="mso-tab-count: 1;" /spanKara was sure that there was a nod from Fake Nia that she wasn't quick enough to see./p
p class="MsoNormal"span style="mso-spacerun: yes;" /spanspan style="mso-tab-count: 1;" /span"I'm not sure leaving her right now is the best thing for her."/p
p class="MsoNormal"span style="mso-spacerun: yes;" /spanspan style="mso-tab-count: 1;" /span"You're not leaving her. She's always spent her summers with Quinn."/p
p class="MsoNormal"span style="mso-spacerun: yes;" /spanspan style="mso-tab-count: 1;" /span"But she's never been this clingy before."/p
p class="MsoNormal"span style="mso-spacerun: yes;" /spanspan style="mso-tab-count: 1;" /span"It's called being a pre-teen," Fake Nia scoffed./p
p class="MsoNormal"span style="mso-spacerun: yes;" /spanspan style="mso-tab-count: 1;" /span"You remember what you and Quinn were like at that age?"/p
p class="MsoNormal"span style="mso-tab-count: 1;" /spanThere was something about the name 'Quinn' that piqued Kara's interest. There were probably hundreds of Quinns out there, but it was triggering some sort of memory for her. She wished she could place the name. span style="mso-spacerun: yes;" /span/p
p class="MsoNormal"span style="mso-spacerun: yes;" /spanspan style="mso-tab-count: 1;" /span"Yeah, absolute terrors. Y'all were awful, and you lived in Lima, Ohio. What the hell are the girls going to be like in LA?"/p
p class="MsoNormal"span style="mso-spacerun: yes;" /spanspan style="mso-tab-count: 1;" /spanFake Leslie welcomed the drink that was placed in front of her. Similarly, Fake Nia thanked the person who sat what looked like a Long Island Iced Tea down on the table, watching span style="mso-spacerun: yes;" /spanspan style="mso-spacerun: yes;" /spanthem walk away. "Not like we were when we were that age. Our families were shit, and we were like deep in the closet. It won't be like that for her."/p
p class="MsoNormal"span style="mso-spacerun: yes;" /spanspan style="mso-tab-count: 1;" /span"Do you-,"/p
p class="MsoNormal"span style="mso-tab-count: 1;" /span"What I really think you're worried about is letting go. You've been front row and present since Beth was born. It's way past time for Quinn to step up, and I think she's finally learned to make Beth her priority, but what do I know?"/p
p class="MsoNormal"span style="mso-spacerun: yes;" /spanspan style="mso-tab-count: 1;" /spanThere was a sudden air clearing between them, that Kara missed. The expression on fake Nia's face changed. "You're still not talking to her either?"/p
p class="MsoNormal"span style="mso-spacerun: yes;" /spanspan style="mso-tab-count: 1;" /spanThe wedding party cheered loudly, causing Kara to miss what was said. Fake Leslie rolled her shoulders and looked off of into the distance. Kara quickly looked down at the table, nursing her drink and pretending she wasn't ease dropping./p
p class="MsoNormal"span style="mso-spacerun: yes;" /spanspan style="mso-tab-count: 1;" /span"I've never been gone all summer, before."/p
p class="MsoNormal"span style="mso-spacerun: yes;" /spanspan style="mso-tab-count: 1;" /span"Not gone. On tour, 'Cedes." Kara corrected Fake Nia's name to 'Cedes. "You know what kind of cred she'll have with her mom going on a world tour? With emBeyoncé/em?"/p
p class="MsoNormal"span style="mso-spacerun: yes;" /spanspan style="mso-tab-count: 1;" /span'Cedes blushed, and quickly worked to downplay the accomplishment. "It's only one concert."/p
p class="MsoNormal"span style="mso-tab-count: 1;" /span"emWith Beyoncé." /emspan style="mso-spacerun: yes;" /span/p
p class="MsoNormal"span style="mso-spacerun: yes;" /spanspan style="mso-tab-count: 1;" /span"And I'm not her mom."/p
p class="MsoNormal"span style="mso-tab-count: 1;" /spanFake Leslie rolled her eyes. "You're the closest thing in her life to a mom. She doesn't even call Quinn mom."/p
p class="MsoNormal"span style="mso-spacerun: yes;" /spanspan style="mso-tab-count: 1;" /span"I'm trying to break her of that."/p
p class="MsoNormal"span style="mso-tab-count: 1;" /spanFake Leslie snorted. "Good luck! You remember how stubborn Quinn can be. Have you met her spawn?"/p
p class="MsoNormal"span style="mso-spacerun: yes;" /spanspan style="mso-tab-count: 1;" /spanSteve returned from the bar with what Kara was sure was a Shirley Temple and a second of whatever Cedes and Fake Leslie were drinking. 'Cedes, Fake Leslie, and Steve went back to making plans, and Kara went back to trying to find the answers to this after life at the bottom of her glass. They left not too soon after their arrival. Kara continued to feed herself drinks until it got late enough that she could go home, bury herself in her bed, and not feel too guilty about it. In the morning, she would make her way west./p
p class="MsoNormal"span style="mso-spacerun: yes;" /spanspan style="mso-tab-count: 1;" /spanTomorrow was another day./p
p class="MsoNormal"emspan style="mso-spacerun: yes;" /span/em/p
p class="MsoNormal" Kara was flying./p
p class="MsoNormal" Throughout her tenure on this planet, she'd experienced a lot of things: pot stickers, N'Sync, pizza flavored pot stickers, Toto…many, many things. Nothing that compared to the freedom of flying. She could have done without her super hearing; at times it could be as much of a hindrance as it was a help. Her laser sight was cool, but it was a weapon, something to use against someone rather than something that existed just for her. Freeze breath? When she conjured up an ice rink for Ruby with nothing more than spilled water in the back yard? The way her eyes lit up as she rushed into her arms, made her feel 10 feet tall. But that was simply a parlor trick./p
p class="MsoNormal"span style="mso-spacerun: yes;" /spanspan style="mso-tab-count: 1;" /spanSuperspeed came the closest. Being able to slow the world down as she sped through it, running laps around the planet, knowing she could outdistance danger, or show up just in time to save the day. That she could make it to the ones she loved in seconds, had always made her feel super. But even that didn't compare to flying. To being able to push against the very forces of nature meant to keep her glued to the ground. The high she felt from racing through the air, wind whipping past her ears so fast the sound was like white noise./p
p class="MsoNormal" When she was flying, she didn't feel the wind so much as she was blanketed by it. It hammocked her body as she moved at speeds so fast it would boggle the mind. With her thick skin, she didn't feel the bite of the chilled temps. Even the thinner air tasted better away from the smog and nastiness the city kicked up. The air in the sky tasted pure, sweet even. When she was flying, she could shut her eyes, shut out the rest of the world, and just be still./p
p class="MsoNormal" emYou don't have to open your chute. /em/p
p class="MsoNormal" Kara's eyes snapped open to reality. She wasn't flying. She was falling, the ground rushing up to greet her at a shocking pace. Inside her jumpsuit she was shivering, while outside, beads of sweat appeared on her brow as the sun's radiation beat against her skin. She watched the ground approach. The landscape out here was intentionally square, the land parceled out into deliberate blocks of wide irrigation holes and overly green farmland. Once upon a time, she would have been able to see the details of the Earth at this height, the buildings, the people, each individual blade of grass./p
p class="MsoNormal" Earth had a diversity of life that was missing from Krypton. Birds, fish, oceans that teemed with hidden worlds; forests overrun with millions of different species. She didn't have superpowers on Krypton. She was a member of the noble House of El. With that title came a certain elevation over the general population of her home world. That title, though, only made her well respected. It didn't make her emsuper. /emIt didn't turn her into a god among her fellows. Rao was her guiding light, but Sol's radiation combined with her Kryptonian genes gave her abilities that made her a god, able to bring this fragile blue planet to her knees./p
p class="MsoNormal" emYou can stay here forever./em/p
p class="MsoNormal" Her parents had sent her here, to Earth. They had failed their planet, then tried to keep what was left of Krypton from disappearing by sending her to Earth to protect her baby cousin, Kal-El. She had been sent into her pod to chase after her cousin, only to touch down to find not a weak baby in need of protection, but a super man who, instead of taking her in, pawned her off on an Earth family. The Danvers weren't cruel. They weren't abusive. They just weren't emhers/em. Not then, not right off the bat. They didn't know what it meant to be a daughter of Krypton. Instead of embracing all of the ways that made her unique, they sentenced Kara Zor-El to an early death, building the human Kara Danvers on the ashes of her grave./p
p class="MsoNormal" emAll you have to do is close your eyes and drift away/em./p
p class="MsoNormal" Each time she jumped, it grew harder and harder to ignore the voice telling her to give in to her darker desires. She wasn't born a god; she landed on Earth and got a taste of what it felt like to become one. Once that taste had made itself into her soul, she didn't know how to survive without being one./p
p class="MsoNormal" 3,500 ft./p
p class="MsoNormal" emOne last fall. /em/p
p class="MsoNormal" 3,000./p
p class="MsoNormal" What was the point in living in a world with so much pain and destruction?/p
p class="MsoNormal" 2,900./p
p class="MsoNormal" Her altimeter was going crazy./p
p class="MsoNormal" 2,750./p
p class="MsoNormal" It would be so simple not to pull the cord. She had known nothing but loss since she was put into that pod. The loss of her world. The years she spent wasted in the Phantom Zone. Her aunt and uncle. Jeremiah Danvers. Oliver Queen. Mon-El. The Daxamites. M'yrnn, the multiverse, scores of others she hadn't been able to save. Lena./p
p class="MsoNormal" Her heart faltered at the remembrance of dark hair, green eyes, pale skin. The way her cheeks blushed pink, the intensity that those eyes stared at her, the way her face crumpled when she was devastated, or how it lit up with pure joy when Kara would walk into her office unexpectedly./p
p class="MsoNormal" emIf only I had told her I loved her. /em/p
p class="MsoNormal"em /emDeep in her heart, she knew it wouldn't have changed anything. Telling Lena she was in love with her wouldn't have stopped what happened. It wouldn't have stopped the attack from her final boss. The one that devastated their resources, the one that blinded Brainy, nearly killed Alex. Was so powerful that it needed Andrea Rojas, Maggie, all of the Legion, even Winn had come back from the future to help. That's how much power they needed to defeat this one. Even more powerful than Levithan. They had been successful, but it was a pyrrhic victory. Too much destruction, too much loss. Kara had fought non-stop for days, been weakened nearly to the point of death. But that wasn't what sapped her powers, what made her human-like. No. That had happened after she'd woken from her coma and found out that Lena, brilliant, sweet, caring, fierce Lena, was gone./p
p class="MsoNormal" Kara scoured the world looking for her, refusing to believe what she was being told. Wouldn't listen to what Kelly, or Maggie, or Alex, or James told her when they all said that one second she was there, the next there was an explosion, and Lena was gone. Pink mist. She didn't believe it when the stain of blood left behind where she once was, tested positive for Lena Luthor's DNA. Kara wouldn't hear any of it, she didn't want it to be true, it couldn't be true. But the thing she couldn't ignore was the deathly silence that greeted her ears where the once strong and powerful beating heart of the love of her life had been./p
p class="MsoNormal" 2,550 feet. /p
p class="MsoNormal" emYou don't have to do anything. /em/p
p class="MsoNormal"em /emThe altimeter was practically screaming at her. If she didn't pull the cord now, it didn't matter if she ever did. She didn't have superpowers anymore. She was just weak, pathetic, Kara Danvers. What was a few more feet when she'd already fallen so far?/p
p class="MsoNormal" 2,499 feet./p
p class="MsoNormal" She pulled the ripcord./p
p class="MsoNormal" The parachute canopy tugged hard on the straps that crisscrossed over her body, pulling her upwards harshly and stopping her free fall. Kara grit her teeth, clenching her fist in frustration as she cheated death. She just couldn't override the part of her that felt the need to save everyone, including herself./p
p class="MsoNormal" emThere's always tomorrow/em, that ever-present voice consoled her. She held on to the thought as she slowly drifted to a planet that was never supposed to be hers. /p
p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;" align="center"*/p
p class="MsoNormal"a name="_Hlk145956990"/aspan style="mso-tab-count: 1;" /spanMercedes was trying very hard not to lose her cool. She had sound check in less than an hour, Christophe was in a piss ass mood, her stomach was tied up in knots because she was going to do a lot of flying in a short amount of time…oh, and the whole world tour thing. She was doing a world tour! Her. She knocked on the locked connecting door. "Drizzle? Open the door please." /p
p class="MsoNormal"span style="mso-bookmark: _Hlk145956990;"span style="mso-spacerun: yes;" /spanspan style="mso-tab-count: 1;" /spanShe got no answer. Again. She knew what kind of choice words her mom would have had for her if she pulled something like this, but she was trying to be better. "Lord, I'm trying," she mumbled. She knocked again. When she again got no answer, she laid her flat palm against the door, banging it loudly. "Bethany Naomi Fabray, if you don't open this door right now!"/span/p
p class="MsoNormal"span style="mso-bookmark: _Hlk145956990;"span style="mso-spacerun: yes;" /spanspan style="mso-tab-count: 1;" /spanFrom the couch, Santana snickered. Mercedes spun on her heels glad for a target she could be mad at. "What are you laughing at?"/span/p
p class="MsoNormal"span style="mso-bookmark: _Hlk145956990;"span style="mso-spacerun: yes;" /spanspan style="mso-tab-count: 1;" /spanSantana's eyes slowly rose from her nails to look at Mercedes. "You full named her."/span/p
p class="MsoNormal"span style="mso-bookmark: _Hlk145956990;"span style="mso-spacerun: yes;" /spanspan style="mso-tab-count: 1;" /span"Shut up," Mercedes snapped, but then she snickered, rolling her eyes at her own seriousness. She heaved a full body sigh before turning back to the locked door. "Beth, I swear to God, if you don't open this door," she paused, not sure if it was for dramatics, or because she had to steel herself to say it. "No Beyoncé."/span/p
p class="MsoNormal"span style="mso-bookmark: _Hlk145956990;"span style="mso-spacerun: yes;" /spanspan style="mso-tab-count: 1;" /spanIt was comical how quickly the door swung open to reveal a 12-year-old girl who looked so much like her high school bully, it was giving her flash backs. "You wouldn't!" Mercedes stood her ground, pushing down the feelings that cropped up. /span/p
p class="MsoNormal"span style="mso-bookmark: _Hlk145956990;"span style="mso-spacerun: yes;" /spanspan style="mso-tab-count: 1;" /spanMercedes was a wall as she met the face of the indignant pre-teen. "Try. Me."/span/p
p class="MsoNormal"span style="mso-bookmark: _Hlk145956990;"span style="mso-spacerun: yes;" /spanspan style="mso-tab-count: 1;" /spanThey glowered at each other. Beth was stubborn and headstrong, but Mercedes had the upper hand here. They both knew it. Beth backed down first. /span/p
p class="MsoNormal"span style="mso-bookmark: _Hlk145956990;"span style="mso-spacerun: yes;" /spanspan style="mso-tab-count: 1;" /span"Fine." She grumbled. "But I want it on the record that this isn't fair!"/span/p
p class="MsoNormal"span style="mso-bookmark: _Hlk145956990;"span style="mso-spacerun: yes;" /spanspan style="mso-tab-count: 1;" /span"Life isn't fair, baby girl," Mercedes informed her. "And it's going to be a lot more unfair if you don't have your room packed up by the time I'm done with my set this evening."/span/p
p class="MsoNormal"span style="mso-bookmark: _Hlk145956990;"span style="mso-spacerun: yes;" /spanspan style="mso-tab-count: 1;" /spanFor two seconds there was a hope that Beth was done pushing the boundaries. It was short lived. "Okay, but wemhy /emcan't I go with you?" /span/p
p class="MsoNormal"span style="mso-bookmark: _Hlk145956990;"span style="mso-spacerun: yes;" /spanspan style="mso-tab-count: 1;" /spanMercedes was tired of having this argument. She wanted to pull a Mama Jones and just say, emBecause I said so, /emand be done with it, like her mom would have said to her, emhad /emsaid to her enough times throughout her childhood. But she was trying, emtrying /emto be better about those things. She was trying not to invalidate Beth's feelings. But she was also so tired of having to hash out this same conversation over and over again. The closer it got to Mercedes leaving, the more fights they seemed to be getting into. And look, she got it. Beth was running out of time. The problem was Mercedes didn't have time to do this. And she'd thought they'd reached an understanding…she would spend the summer with her mom, and then meet up with them on the last leg of her tour where she would be opening for Beyoncé in Johannesburg. /span/p
p class="MsoNormal"span style="mso-bookmark: _Hlk145956990;"span style="mso-spacerun: yes;" /spanspan style="mso-tab-count: 1;" /span"We've talked about this, Beth. Backstage at a world tour is hardly the place for a 12-year-old girl."/span/p
p class="MsoNormal"span style="mso-bookmark: _Hlk145956990;"span style="mso-spacerun: yes;" /spanspan style="mso-tab-count: 1;" /spanIt was the wrong thing to say. Mercedes knew that as soon as she saw the intelligent flash of Beth's hazel eyes, the quirk of her lips that told her Beth was trying not to smile. "Oh, so I can't go because of sexism? Would you be saying that if I was 'Ben'. I can't believe you're treating me differently because I was born female!"/span/p
p class="MsoNormal"span style="mso-bookmark: _Hlk145956990;"span style="mso-spacerun: yes;" /spanspan style="mso-tab-count: 1;" /span"You can cut that out. It's no place for a 12-year-old boy either." span style="mso-tab-count: 1;" /span/span/p
p class="MsoNormal"span style="mso-bookmark: _Hlk145956990;"span style="mso-spacerun: yes;" /spanspan style="mso-tab-count: 1;" /spanBeth folded her hands over her chest. "I don't understand why it's any different than any other time that I've come to one of your shows. I do this emall the time/em." Mercedes cringed at the whine. Beth's arms flapped around. "I'm here right now!"/span/p
p class="MsoNormal"span style="mso-bookmark: _Hlk145956990;"span style="mso-spacerun: yes;" /spanspan style="mso-tab-count: 1;" /span"So, are you telling me that I shouldn't bring you along to any more of my shows?" Santana watched in amusement as Beth realized the implication of that. Her mouth dropped open. "You used to come to my shows when I could keep an eye on you and I wasn't performing for 10s of 10,000s of people, Drizzle."/span/p
p class="MsoNormal"span style="mso-bookmark: _Hlk145956990;"span style="mso-tab-count: 1;" /span"And the last thing you need is to be worrying about me," Beth pouted. For good measure, she flopped down onto the couch. Mercedes buckled somewhat under it. She walked over to Beth and lifted her chin. "I'm always going to worry about you. No matter how old you are, whether you're 5 or 50, but right now, you're 12 years old and I know you think you're old, but that's not backstage on a world tour old. I don't want you growing up that fast."/span/p
p class="MsoNormal"span style="mso-bookmark: _Hlk145956990;"span style="mso-spacerun: yes;" /spanspan style="mso-tab-count: 1;" /spanBeth rolled her eyes. "You're just worried I'll get knocked up. Like emher/em. I'm not like that."/span/p
p class="MsoNormal"span style="mso-bookmark: _Hlk145956990;"span style="mso-spacerun: yes;" /spanspan style="mso-tab-count: 1;" /span"Not emher/em, your mom."/span/p
p class="MsoNormal"span style="mso-bookmark: _Hlk145956990;"span style="mso-spacerun: yes;" /spanspan style="mso-tab-count: 1;" /span"Her," Beth said petulantly. "I don't see why you expect me to want to be with her when you don't want to be around her, Aunt Snix doesn't want to be around her-,"/span/p
p class="MsoNormal"span style="mso-bookmark: _Hlk145956990;"span style="mso-spacerun: yes;" /spanspan style="mso-tab-count: 1;" /spanSantana, who had been watching this whole thing like a tennis match, looked startled at hearing her own name being brought up. "How'd my name get into this?"/span/p
p class="MsoNormal"span style="mso-bookmark: _Hlk145956990;"span style="mso-spacerun: yes;" /spanspan style="mso-tab-count: 1;" /spanMercedes and Beth ignored her. "You spend the summers with your mom, Beth. This isn't new."/span/p
p class="MsoNormal"span style="mso-bookmark: _Hlk145956990;"span style="mso-spacerun: yes;" /spanspan style="mso-tab-count: 1;" /span"I don't see why I have to. I'm old enough to decide for myself. And if you don't have to talk to her, I don't see why emI /emdo."/span/p
p class="MsoNormal"span style="mso-bookmark: _Hlk145956990;"span style="mso-spacerun: yes;" /spanspan style="mso-tab-count: 1;" /spanMercedes could feel the headache starting. Not for the first time she wondered why she ever signed on for this. /span/p
p class="MsoNormal"span style="mso-bookmark: _Hlk145956990;"span style="mso-spacerun: yes;" /spanspan style="mso-tab-count: 1;" /span"I talk to your mom."/span/p
p class="MsoNormal"span style="mso-bookmark: _Hlk145956990;"span style="mso-spacerun: yes;" /spanspan style="mso-tab-count: 1;" /span"Only about emme/em."/span/p
p class="MsoNormal"span style="mso-bookmark: _Hlk145956990;"span style="mso-spacerun: yes;" /spanspan style="mso-tab-count: 1;" /span"We talk when it's necessary." Mercedes just worked really hard to not make it necessary. Her relationship with Quinn was…complicated. Beth was the complication. "Why don't you want to spend the summer with your mom, Baby B?"/span/p
p class="MsoNormal"span style="mso-bookmark: _Hlk145956990;"span style="mso-spacerun: yes;" /spanspan style="mso-tab-count: 1;" /spanBeth sighed, fidgeting with her hands curled in her lap. "I want to spend it with you." Before Mercedes could launch into another explanation, Beth cut her off at the pass. "I emknow, /emmom. This isn't about me going on tour. I'm emso /emexcited and emso /emproud of you. You've worked so hard for this. I emlove/em that I can say that Mercy J, emthe /emMercy J, is emmy /emmom, but," she did that thing where she ducked her head because she was going to say something she was embarrassed by, "I'm…going to miss you."/span/p
p class="MsoNormal"span style="mso-bookmark: _Hlk145956990;"span style="mso-spacerun: yes;" /spanspan style="mso-tab-count: 1;" /spanMercedes felt that heart sinking into her stomach moment that parenting sometimes blessed you with. She reached for Beth and hugged her. "I'm going to miss you, too, Drizz." She fixed a fake optimistic look to her face. "But you're going to have so much fun with your mom this summer, you're not even going to know I'm gone." /span/p
p class="MsoNormal"span style="mso-bookmark: _Hlk145956990;"span style="mso-spacerun: yes;" /spanspan style="mso-tab-count: 1;" /spanBeth rolled her eyes. Hard. "Like she's even going to have time for me."/span/p
p class="MsoNormal"span style="mso-bookmark: _Hlk145956990;"span style="mso-spacerun: yes;" /spanspan style="mso-tab-count: 1;" /span"Don't say that!" /span/p
p class="MsoNormal"span style="mso-bookmark: _Hlk145956990;"span style="mso-spacerun: yes;" /spanspan style="mso-tab-count: 1;" /span"It's true. Do you remember that Luthor woman?"/span/p
p class="MsoNormal"span style="mso-bookmark: _Hlk145956990;"span style="mso-spacerun: yes;" /spanspan style="mso-tab-count: 1;" /spanMercedes did her best not to pull out her phone to check her time, but she knew she only had a few minutes left. "Your mom wrote an article about her after she died. I read it." /span/p
p class="MsoNormal"span style="mso-bookmark: _Hlk145956990;"span style="mso-spacerun: yes;" /spanspan style="mso-tab-count: 1;" /span"Yeah, well, she's kind of obsessed with her now. That's what she's going to be doing. While you're going to be off traveling the world, she's playing Sherlock Homes, and I'll be stuck here all by myself."/span/p
p class="MsoNormal"span style="mso-bookmark: _Hlk145956990;"span style="mso-tab-count: 1;" /spanMercedes gave the child one last hug, standing up. "You won't be by yourself. I'll call and Facetime like always. And give your mom grace. She's doing her best."/span/p
p class="MsoNormal"span style="mso-bookmark: _Hlk145956990;"span style="mso-spacerun: yes;" /spanspan style="mso-tab-count: 1;" /span"Why should her best get some gold star, when you put in 10x more work than she does?"/span/p
p class="MsoNormal"span style="mso-bookmark: _Hlk145956990;"span style="mso-spacerun: yes;" /spanspan style="mso-tab-count: 1;" /span"I've told you before, everybody can't do everything. We all have our challenges."/span/p
p class="MsoNormal"span style="mso-bookmark: _Hlk145956990;"span style="mso-spacerun: yes;" /spanspan style="mso-tab-count: 1;" /span"I didn't know emI/em was such a challenge."/span/p
p class="MsoNormal"span style="mso-bookmark: _Hlk145956990;"span style="mso-spacerun: yes;" /spanspan style="mso-tab-count: 1;" /spanMercedes gave a full belly laugh, gently lifting Beth to her feet. "Really?" she teased. "You're right, Drizzle, raising you has been the easiest thing I've ever done."/span/p
p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;" align="center"span style="mso-bookmark: _Hlk145956990;"*/span/p
p class="MsoNormal"span style="mso-bookmark: _Hlk145956990;"span style="mso-tab-count: 1;" /spanThe worst part of the jump came when she was floating to the ground, and her thoughts hit her full force. /span/p
p class="MsoNormal"span style="mso-bookmark: _Hlk145956990;"span style="mso-tab-count: 1;" /spanThe first year…was the worst. Kara had literally scoured the world, looking for a sign or trace of Lena just in case the DNA test was wrong, or this was one of Lex's tricks, or Lena had that watch, or, or, or. (But…and this question remained at the back of her mind, if Lena was still alive, why hadn't she been able to be found?) When her powers burned out, she chartered flights. She used money from one of Lena's secret accounts to fund her explorations. She went to that place in South America Lena talked about. She went to France. Italy. Rome. Ireland. England. Any place Lena might have mentioned. She checked; she asked around. She might have done some illegal hacking if Winn hadn't returned back to the style="mso-spacerun: yes;" /span/span/p
p class="MsoNormal"span style="mso-bookmark: _Hlk145956990;"span style="mso-tab-count: 1;" /spanThe next year was the worst. It was the year her friends lost hope. Nia was the first to style="mso-spacerun: yes;" /span/span/p
p class="MsoNormal"span style="mso-bookmark: _Hlk145956990;"span style="mso-spacerun: yes;" /spanspan style="mso-tab-count: 1;" /spanem"Kara, maybe it's time to accept-," /emshe was able to silence Nia's words with a glare. She didn't say anything further, but the pitying looks and the gentle pats that she would levy on Kara spoke volumes. /span/p
p class="MsoNormal"span style="mso-bookmark: _Hlk145956990;"span style="mso-tab-count: 1;" /spanBrainy was next. "emI've run the simulations, ran through public databases, hacked the NSA. We saw the DNA results. I am certain that the odds that Lena is still alive are negligible."/em/span/p
p class="MsoNormal"span style="mso-bookmark: _Hlk145956990;"emspan style="mso-spacerun: yes;" /spanspan style="mso-tab-count: 1;" /span/emShe pushed her words away. "The odds have been against us time and time again. Lena didn't stop holding out hope, I won't either." /span/p
p class="MsoNormal"span style="mso-bookmark: _Hlk145956990;"span style="mso-spacerun: yes;" /spanspan style="mso-tab-count: 1;" /spanThe rest fell like dominos. James. Lucy. Even Cat Grant. She got tired of the pitying looks, of her friends trying to convince her of the impossible. So, she cut ties, one by one. Alex was the worst. The hardest. /span/p
p class="MsoNormal"span style="mso-bookmark: _Hlk145956990;"span style="mso-tab-count: 1;" /span"emYou can't keep doing this to yourself!" /emThis argument came after she'd checked the morgue in Seattle where a Jane Doe matching Lena's description had shown up. It was her 20supth/sup one that month alone. It'd been a hard month. She knew better to hold out hope anymore, but she did it anyway, because the alternative was stopping. em"It's been two years. It's time to accept that she's dead, Kara."/em/span/p
p class="MsoNormal"span style="mso-bookmark: _Hlk145956990;"emspan style="mso-tab-count: 1;" /span/emIt was like being shot with a Kryptonite bullet. No one in her friend circle had actually said those words out loud yet. Not to her anyway. em"She's gone." /emAlex had gone in to hug her. Kara stopped her, pushing her away, glad that she no longer had super strength. Alex tried again. Kara sat stiff in her arms. em"She's gone." /em/span/p
p class="MsoNormal"span style="mso-bookmark: _Hlk145956990;"span style="mso-spacerun: yes;" /spanspan style="mso-tab-count: 1;" /spanKara felt her heart beating in her ears, sounding the way Lena's once did, back when she could hear mice scurrying through a field miles away. em"But you're not, Kara. And you still have a life to live./em"/span/p
p class="MsoNormal"span style="mso-bookmark: _Hlk145956990;"span style="mso-spacerun: yes;" /spanspan style="mso-tab-count: 1;" /spanShe realized she hadn't cried yet, not until the first tears started trickling down her cheeks. To cry meant to accept it, and to accept it meant…it meant…/span/p
p class="MsoNormal"span style="mso-bookmark: _Hlk145956990;"span style="mso-spacerun: yes;" /spanspan style="mso-tab-count: 1;" /spanem"How am I supposed to live without her?"/em She wrapped her arms around herself to hold in her piteous whine, but it escaped even still. em"What would you do if Kelly died?" /emJust the thought was enough to cause Alex's breath to still. Alex stared in that way she had, trying to examine her sister while Kara stood there with her heart raw and bloody, exposed. /span/p
p class="MsoNormal"span style="mso-bookmark: _Hlk145956990;"span style="mso-spacerun: yes;" /spanspan style="mso-tab-count: 1;" /spanem"You loved her that much? You never said."/em/span/p
p class="MsoNormal"span style="mso-bookmark: _Hlk145956990;"span style="mso-spacerun: yes;" /spanspan style="mso-tab-count: 1;" /spanem"I didn't think I had to./em"/span/p
p class="MsoNormal"span style="mso-bookmark: _Hlk145956990;"span style="mso-spacerun: yes;" /spanspan style="mso-tab-count: 1;" /spanThe third year was the worst. It was the year she finally accepted Lena was really dead./span/p
p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;" align="center"span style="mso-bookmark: _Hlk145956990;"*/span/p
p class="MsoNormal"span style="mso-bookmark: _Hlk145956990;"span style="mso-spacerun: yes;" /spanspan style="mso-tab-count: 1;" /spanHer phone started ringing almost as soon as her feet hit the ground. She knew it was /span/p
p class="MsoNormal"span style="mso-bookmark: _Hlk145956990;"Alex. Her sister was the only one who called her randomly anymore. Nia would send texts every now and then. Eliza called once a month on Sunday nights, 6:00 o'clock. Kelly didn't call. Twice a month she would email her. Every two weeks she would provide exactly three pictures of Esme, and two short paragraphs: one on how her niece was doing, the other on the things she and Alex were engaged in. The her and Alex paragraph was always surface level: plans to buy a new car, Alex joining the PTA, Kelly contemplating taking a professorship. She didn't mention emotions, almost never brought them into the conversation. She didn't levy her emotional state to guilt Kara into coming back to National City like Alex. The emails were perfectly structured and always ended with the same two lines: emYou're missed. Take your time./em /span/p
p class="MsoNormal"span style="mso-bookmark: _Hlk145956990;"span style="mso-spacerun: yes;" /spanspan style="mso-tab-count: 1;" /spanShe stared at Alex's name; not really in the mood to deal with her sister. She never was in the mood these days. With a sigh, she connected the call. "Hi, Alex," she said, feeling weary already. The sudden approach of determined footsteps was a godsend. Even as she was met with the apoplectic red face of Salem, the pilot. "Danvers!"/span/p
p class="MsoNormal"span style="mso-bookmark: _Hlk145956990;"span style="mso-spacerun: yes;" /spanspan style="mso-tab-count: 1;" /spanRelieved she informed Alex, "I'll call you back."/span/p
p class="MsoNormal"span style="mso-bookmark: _Hlk145956990;"span style="mso-spacerun: yes;" /spanspan style="mso-tab-count: 1;" /span"Bu-"/span/p
p class="MsoNormal"span style="mso-bookmark: _Hlk145956990;"span style="mso-spacerun: yes;" /spanspan style="mso-tab-count: 1;" /spanShe ended the call and slid the phone into the pocket of her jump suit. "What's going on?"/span/p
p class="MsoNormal"span style="mso-bookmark: _Hlk145956990;"span style="mso-spacerun: yes;" /spanspan style="mso-tab-count: 1;" /spanHe glowered at her. "You're grounded."/span/p
p class="MsoNormal"span style="mso-bookmark: _Hlk145956990;"span style="mso-spacerun: yes;" /spanspan style="mso-tab-count: 1;" /spanShe frowned his way, tugging at her straps, pretty sure that was obvious. She was literally once again on the ground. "What?"/span/p
p class="MsoNormal"span style="mso-bookmark: _Hlk145956990;"span style="mso-spacerun: yes;" /spanspan style="mso-tab-count: 1;" /span"That's the last time you go up with me," he said, rushing the words out. /span/p
p class="MsoNormal"span style="mso-bookmark: _Hlk145956990;"span style="mso-spacerun: yes;" /spanspan style="mso-tab-count: 1;" /spanShe was suddenly paying him more attention. "What? Why? I paid for two flights. You said you'd take me up twice!"/span/p
p class="MsoNormal"span style="mso-bookmark: _Hlk145956990;"span style="mso-spacerun: yes;" /spanspan style="mso-tab-count: 1;" /span"2,500 feet. You pull your chute at 2,500 feet, no lower!" He pushed his index finger into the furrow of her brow. "Whatever problems you got going through your head, you deal with them on the ground." He pointed at the blue expanse of sky. "Not up there. I'm not going to help you kill yourself. That's the last time I take you up with me, and if I see you on this runway again, I'm letting every damn biplane and charter around know you got a fucking death wish!" /span/p
p class="MsoNormal"span style="mso-bookmark: _Hlk145956990;"span style="mso-spacerun: yes;" /spanspan style="mso-tab-count: 1;" /spanHe squashed the bent brim of his hat before pulling it over his balding head. She'd liked this guy. He wasn't much older than her, friendly, easy to get along with. He'd been short on conversation and flight time. He took her up higher than any other pilot around. She'd hoped to go up at least one more time today before she called it. Now what was she supposed to do?/span/p
p class="MsoNormal"span style="mso-bookmark: _Hlk145956990;"span style="mso-spacerun: yes;" /spanspan style="mso-spacerun: yes;" /spanspan style="mso-tab-count: 1;" /spanShe dug her fingernails into weak, pliable skin./span/p
p class="MsoNormal"span style="mso-bookmark: _Hlk145956990;"span style="mso-spacerun: yes;" /spanspan style="mso-tab-count: 1;" /span"I just got distracted."/span/p
p class="MsoNormal"span style="mso-bookmark: _Hlk145956990;"span style="mso-spacerun: yes;" /spanspan style="mso-tab-count: 1;" /span"Get distracted with somebody else. Not with me!"/span/p
p class="MsoNormal"span style="mso-bookmark: _Hlk145956990;"span style="mso-spacerun: yes;" /spanspan style="mso-tab-count: 1;" /spanHe spun on his wheels, anger present in his walk as he stalked away from her. Kara glanced up at the sky, the sun beating down on her. /span/p
p class="MsoNormal"span style="mso-bookmark: _Hlk145956990;"span style="mso-tab-count: 1;" /spanShe'd discovered parachuting by accident. She tried to return to National City, in year 3, tried to move on with her life like everyone suggested. She even had a therapist. Someone that Kelly secretly found for her and Kara had only agreed to go to if her sister-in-law promised not to breathe a word of it to Alex. The city was recovering since the battle, but her heart wasn't that resilient. Her apartment, Lena's apartment, Noonan's, the Tower, the alien bar, Big Belly Burger, all of it was tainted. She had been in the city for less than two months before she was packing. /span/p
p class="MsoNormal"span style="mso-bookmark: _Hlk145956990;"span style="mso-spacerun: yes;" /spanspan style="mso-tab-count: 1;" /spanHer sister tried to stop her. span style="mso-spacerun: yes;" /span/span/p
p class="MsoNormal"span style="mso-bookmark: _Hlk145956990;"span style="mso-tab-count: 1;" /spanem"You just got back! Where are you going to go?"/em/span/p
p class="MsoNormal"span style="mso-bookmark: _Hlk145956990;"emspan style="mso-tab-count: 1;" /span/emKara didn't even pause in her packing. em"I don't know. Maine, maybe." /em/span/p
p class="MsoNormal"span style="mso-bookmark: _Hlk145956990;"span style="mso-spacerun: yes;" /spanspan style="mso-tab-count: 1;" /spanIt was as far away as she could think of. She was willing to admit, she wasn't thinking too much about it. /span/p
p class="MsoNormal"span style="mso-bookmark: _Hlk145956990;"span style="mso-tab-count: 1;" /span"emI know you're hurting, Kara, but you need to stop. Stop! I know it's hard. I know you're hurting. I wish, I wish more than anything that I knew how to take your pain away, but you can't keep running."/em/span/p
p class="MsoNormal"span style="mso-bookmark: _Hlk145956990;"emspan style="mso-spacerun: yes;" /spanspan style="mso-tab-count: 1;" /span"I can't be here, Alex!" /em/span/p
p class="MsoNormal"span style="mso-bookmark: _Hlk145956990;"emspan style="mso-spacerun: yes;" /spanspan style="mso-tab-count: 1;" /span"I'm worried!"/em/span/p
p class="MsoNormal"span style="mso-bookmark: _Hlk145956990;"emspan style="mso-spacerun: yes;" /spanspan style="mso-tab-count: 1;" /span/emKara didn't know what to say. There was a fight. Lots of words spoken that neither of them meant. Defeated, Alex stood by with her head bowed. She made one last appeal. "emIf you need to go, go, but please, for my peace of mind, I need you somewhat reachable/em."/span/p
p class="MsoNormal"span style="mso-bookmark: _Hlk145956990;"span style="mso-spacerun: yes;" /spanspan style="mso-tab-count: 1;" /spanShe didn't want to be reachable. She wanted to be as unreachable as Lena was. /span/p
p class="MsoNormal"span style="mso-bookmark: _Hlk145956990;"emspan style="mso-spacerun: yes;" /spanspan style="mso-tab-count: 1;" /span"I used to be able to get to anywhere in the world in less than half an hour." /em/span/p
p class="MsoNormal"span style="mso-bookmark: _Hlk145956990;"emspan style="mso-tab-count: 1;" /span"Yes, but you're human now." /em/span/p
p class="MsoNormal"span style="mso-bookmark: _Hlk145956990;"span style="mso-spacerun: yes;" /spanspan style="mso-tab-count: 1;" /spanShe understood what Alex was saying, but she was wrong. She wasn't human. She was an alien on an alien world. Powerless. Her thoughts drifted briefly to Sam and Ruby. Sam was at her core Kryptonian but, like Kal, she didn't grow up in the customs. Before…she and Sam had gotten even closer than they'd been, their friendship fueled by Sam's desire to know more about her heritage and for Ruby to know about that part of her. Kara had delightfully taught them everything she could. The first full sentence Ruby spoke in Kryptonian had brought her to tears. She excused herself, only for Lena to follow her into the backyard, coaxing her into a firm embrace. She had sat in on the training sessions, wanting to learn more about this part of Kara since there were no more secrets. She explained how she felt the first time she heard someone speaking Irish, a language she hadn't heart since her mom died, and wanted to give that feeling back to style="mso-spacerun: yes;" /span/span/p
p class="MsoNormal"span style="mso-bookmark: _Hlk145956990;"span style="mso-spacerun: yes;" /spanspan style="mso-tab-count: 1;" /spanLena explained all of this in Kryptonese; she had been learning it as Kara taught Ruby and Sam. /span/p
p class="MsoNormal"span style="mso-bookmark: _Hlk145956990;"span style="mso-tab-count: 1;" /spanIt was in that moment Kara realized she could love no other person more strongly, or more fiercely, than she loved Lena Kieran Luthor. /span/p
p class="MsoNormal"span style="mso-bookmark: _Hlk145956990;"span style="mso-tab-count: 1;" /spanSo, what the hell was she supposed to do now that Lena was gone?/span/p
p class="MsoNormal"span style="mso-bookmark: _Hlk145956990;"span style="mso-spacerun: yes;" /spanspan style="mso-tab-count: 1;" /spanShe attempted to stay in California; she heard about a parachuting accident in Lodi. It was a place where they had quite a few deaths. She told herself that she didn't go for any nefarious reasons. That she just wanted to check the place out. She didn't jump thinking that she would die. But for the first time in years, when she was in the air, she felt like she could breathe again. /span/p
p class="MsoNormal"span style="mso-bookmark: _Hlk145956990;"span style="mso-spacerun: yes;" /spanspan style="mso-tab-count: 1;" /spanShe stayed in Lodi as long as she could. For five months she stared to feel good enough to make the smallest of efforts with her friends and family. Nothing big. A call here or there. A visit as long as it wasn't in National City. She invited Kelly and Alex to the apartment she was renting. She had decorated it minimally, buying a couch and a lounger days before they came. Alex said nothing about her mattress that was sitting on the ground. Kelly gave her a concerned smile. Esme ran into her arms with glee, too young to realize how much her aunt was falling apart, just thrilled that she was there. /span/p
p class="MsoNormal"span style="mso-bookmark: _Hlk145956990;"span style="mso-spacerun: yes;" /spanspan style="mso-tab-count: 1;" /spanShe became certified to jump on her own, and she did it as much as possible, sometimes doing up to five jumps a day. But then the receptionist started eyeing her with unease when she showed up. There were whispers. She could see it forming in their eyes, the rejection. She left before it could be voiced. It started a pattern. She would stay in a place only long enough before she became known, and then she had to leave. She zigzagged her way across the country in year four and five. Vegas had been promising. Now it was over./span/p
p class="MsoNormal"span style="mso-bookmark: _Hlk145956990;"span style="mso-tab-count: 1;" /spanShe dug her phone out of her pocket and called her sister. "Hey, Alex."/span/p
p class="MsoNormal"span style="mso-bookmark: _Hlk145956990;"span style="mso-spacerun: yes;" /spanspan style="mso-tab-count: 1;" /spanThe accompanying pause let Kara know that Alex was surprised Kara actually called. /span/p
p class="MsoNormal"span style="mso-bookmark: _Hlk145956990;"span style="mso-spacerun: yes;" /spanspan style="mso-tab-count: 1;" /span"Thanks for calling me back."/span/p
p class="MsoNormal"span style="mso-bookmark: _Hlk145956990;"span style="mso-spacerun: yes;" /span/spanspan style="mso-spacerun: yes;" /spanspan style="mso-tab-count: 1;" /spanKara felt that familiar tightening in her chest. "You're welcome," she said flatly. She imagined that her sister was squeezing the stress ball Kelly gave her so that Kara wouldn't hear her sigh. This is why she didn't want to talk to her sister. Every time Alex called, she was hoping emKara /emwould answer the phone, and every time she was disappointed when the emghost of Kara /emwas waiting on the other side of the line. What did Alex expect? The Kara she was looking for had died right alongside Lena. She didn't know how to be that Kara anymore. Lena had been so much of her life, of both Kara Zor-El and Kara Danvers, that she didn't know how to exist without her. It seemed fitting she lost her powers and Lena had the same time. Hadn't they been the reason she lost Lena in the first place? "What's up?"/p
p class="MsoNormal"span style="mso-spacerun: yes;" /spanspan style="mso-tab-count: 1;" /span"Esme has an end of year thing at her school, and we were really hoping you could come."/p
p class="MsoNormal"span style="mso-tab-count: 1;" /spanspan style="mso-spacerun: yes;" /spanKara closed her eyes and tilted her head up to the sun, counting silently in her head. There was a Kryptonian prayer she used to pray, a request for calm. She hadn't talked to Rao since…in a while./p
p class="MsoNormal"span style="mso-spacerun: yes;" /spanspan style="mso-tab-count: 1;" /span"Alex-,"/p
p class="MsoNormal"span style="mso-tab-count: 1;" /span"It's just one day, Kara. Please?" Her sister sounded so desperate. "Esme misses you, mom misses you, and I-," Alex was a second too late in biting back her sob, so that Kara heard the first part of it. "I miss you. So much, Kara. I-," Alex paused so suddenly, it made Kara wonder if Alex was practicing one of Kelly's techniques. Maybe that was why Alex abruptly changed tone. "Please just think about it?"/p
p class="MsoNormal"span style="mso-spacerun: yes;" /spanspan style="mso-tab-count: 1;" /spanShe hated hearing her sister reduced to this. She hated being reduced to this. It wasn't that she wasn't trying. She was. She just didn't know how to not be broken. She didn't know how to be strong enough to be there for everyone else, when she didn't know how to be there for herself. She just wanted to be able to forget. No, what she wanted was Lena, and without her, she didn't know what the point of anything was anymore. What were you supposed to do when your world ended? How much loss was one person really expected to bear before they were crushed under the weight of it?/p
p class="MsoNormal"span style="mso-spacerun: yes;" /spanspan style="mso-tab-count: 1;" /span"I'll think on it, Alex," she hedged./p
p class="MsoNormal"span style="mso-spacerun: yes;" /spanspan style="mso-tab-count: 1;" /spanHer sister clearly wasn't expecting that response. "Oh. Thank you, Kara. I'll text you the details." Seconds later she heard the notification. There was nothing but an awkward pause on the line. "Let us know."/p
p class="MsoNormal"span style="mso-spacerun: yes;" /spanspan style="mso-tab-count: 1;" /span"I will."/p
p class="MsoNormal"span style="mso-spacerun: yes;" /spanspan style="mso-tab-count: 1;" /span"Thanks, Kara." There was nothing left to do but say good-bye. They both knew it./p
p class="MsoNormal"span style="mso-spacerun: yes;" /spanspan style="mso-tab-count: 1;" /span"K. Bye."/p
p class="MsoNormal"span style="mso-spacerun: yes;" /spanspan style="mso-tab-count: 1;" /spanHer sisters voice came through the line right before she could end the call. "Are you safe?"/p
p class="MsoNormal"span style="mso-spacerun: yes;" /spanspan style="mso-tab-count: 1;" /spanShe thought about that voice in her head, telling her not to pull the cord. "I'm safe."/p
p class="MsoNormal"span style="mso-spacerun: yes;" /spanspan style="mso-tab-count: 1;" /span"Then…okay. Okay," she repeated. "I love you."/p
p class="MsoNormal"span style="mso-tab-count: 1;" /spanKara mumbled something back, and then the call was thankfully over. She rubbed at her temples, trying to dispel the sudden headache that had just started. She looked at the time on her watch before putting it away. It was only 3 o'clock. She wrung her hands together. As part of 'being better', she made it a rule that she couldn't go to sleep before 8:30. There was still too much time to fill without being able to go back up in the sky./p
p class="MsoNormal"span style="mso-spacerun: yes;" /spanspan style="mso-tab-count: 1;" /spanShe headed in the general direction of her apartment. She tended to avoid the hotel bars because they were usually overcrowded, sometimes even in the middle of the afternoon. Instead, she went to a little hole in the wall spot close by. The bartender gave her a familiar nod as she climbed onto the barstool. While she waited for her 7 and 7 to make its way to her, she scratched her nail against the sticky bar top, ruminating in her thoughts. span style="mso-spacerun: yes;" /span/p
p class="MsoNormal"span style="mso-spacerun: yes;" /spanspan style="mso-tab-count: 1;" /spanIf Salem stuck to his word, she would have to leave Vegas. It was a disappointing thought. So far, Vegas had been so promising. The apartment she'd been subletting was off the strip, and with the bright lights, crowds, and noise, if she lied hard enough to herself, she could pretend that the reason she felt like crawling out of her skin was due to heightened noise and sight. It was almost like being Super again./p
p class="MsoNormal"span style="mso-tab-count: 1;" /spanA splinter worked its way under her thumb. She hissed at the pain, still so unfamiliar after all these years of being nearly invincible. Curiously, she looked down at the blood pooling beneath the nail. Humans were so fragile./p
p class="MsoNormal"span style="mso-spacerun: yes;" /spanspan style="mso-tab-count: 1;" /spanShe tapped the bar. Another drink was sat down in front of her within seconds. She was getting so much better at drinking. She hadn't quite reached Alex or Lena levels of alcoholism, but if she kept working at it, she just might get there sooner rather than later./p
p class="MsoNormal"span style="mso-spacerun: yes;" /spanspan style="mso-tab-count: 1;" /spanShe took her refreshed drink, spinning slightly on her stool to observe the small crowds around her. There was a guy and girl in what could marginally pass for wedding attire (if she squinted) surrounded by two of their friends. Kara couldn't tell if this was a post wedding celebration, or if they were soon to be married. At another table there were two Showgirls half in costume swaying to jukebox music. Not too far from them was a Michael Jackson impersonator downing cheap vodka. Vegas was its own unique place, that was for sure./p
p class="MsoNormal"span style="mso-spacerun: yes;" /spanspan style="mso-tab-count: 1;" /spanThe doors opened and a small group of three walked in. A thin, Hispanic woman who was wearing low cut shorts with the kind of polo Old Kara might wear. Behind her was a larger, Black woman, who looked like she might look familiar to Old Kara, and who seemed fidgety, adjusting her sunglasses the way Kara used to fidget with hers when she was nervous. The third member of the group was a tall White guy, who had nervous eyes, that he swept around the room. span style="mso-spacerun: yes;" /span/p
p class="MsoNormal"span style="mso-spacerun: yes;" /spanspan style="mso-tab-count: 1;" /span"We could have gotten a drink at the hotel bar," the man said. Judging by the detachment he seemed to have from the other two, Kara decided he was either the driver, a bodyguard, or a mixture of both./p
p class="MsoNormal"span style="mso-spacerun: yes;" /spanspan style="mso-tab-count: 1;" /span"Not if we wanted any kind of peace," the woman with the sunglasses responded./p
p class="MsoNormal"span style="mso-spacerun: yes;" /spanspan style="mso-tab-count: 1;" /spanIt was a painful reminder of how Lena tried to avoid crowded spaces in her downtime span style="mso-spacerun: yes;" /span(especially surrounding her families trials) for fear of getting recognized. span style="mso-spacerun: yes;" /span/p
p class="MsoNormal"span style="mso-spacerun: yes;" /spanspan style="mso-tab-count: 1;" /spanThe guy didn't look cheered by this statement but didn't say anything else./p
p class="MsoNormal"span style="mso-spacerun: yes;" /spanspan style="mso-tab-count: 1;" /span"I can't help but feel like I'm forgetting something. Are we all set to leave right after the show tonight?"/p
p class="MsoNormal"span style="mso-tab-count: 1;" /spanThe other woman nodded. "Flight plan's been approved. We'll be wings up as soon as Steve-O manages to get you away from Cesar's."/p
p class="MsoNormal"span style="mso-spacerun: yes;" /spanspan style="mso-tab-count: 1;" /span"You sure? I don't want to miss my flight."/p
p class="MsoNormal"span style="mso-spacerun: yes;" /spanspan style="mso-tab-count: 1;" /span"You doubt me?"/p
p class="MsoNormal"span style="mso-spacerun: yes;" /spanspan style="mso-tab-count: 1;" /spanKara watched the little group take seats in a booth close enough that she could still hear them. "No."/p
p class="MsoNormal"span style="mso-spacerun: yes;" /spanspan style="mso-tab-count: 1;" /spanKara decided to give them names so she could differentiate the two. The guy she assumed was named Steve. The one that looked like she was hiding, reminded her of Nia. The more confident one reminded her of Leslie Willis./p
p class="MsoNormal"span style="mso-spacerun: yes;" /spanspan style="mso-tab-count: 1;" /span"You'll be at LAX with plenty of time to spare. As soon as I drop you off, me and Beth will fly to New York, and she'll be with Quinn by the time you touch down in Shanghai."/p
p class="MsoNormal"span style="mso-spacerun: yes;" /spanspan style="mso-tab-count: 1;" /spanThe guy went off to order drinks. Kara realized that she'd unconsciously leaned closer to the group./p
p class="MsoNormal"span style="mso-spacerun: yes;" /spanspan style="mso-tab-count: 1;" /span"Am I doing the right thing?"/p
p class="MsoNormal"span style="mso-spacerun: yes;" /spanspan style="mso-tab-count: 1;" /spanIf Steve was the driver, Kara wondered what that made the other woman. She didn't think that she was an assistant, but there was a professional relationship there. A somewhat personal one as well./p
p class="MsoNormal"span style="mso-spacerun: yes;" /spanspan style="mso-tab-count: 1;" /span"Are you still worried about Beth?"/p
p class="MsoNormal"span style="mso-tab-count: 1;" /spanKara was sure that there was a nod from Fake Nia that she wasn't quick enough to see./p
p class="MsoNormal"span style="mso-spacerun: yes;" /spanspan style="mso-tab-count: 1;" /span"I'm not sure leaving her right now is the best thing for her."/p
p class="MsoNormal"span style="mso-spacerun: yes;" /spanspan style="mso-tab-count: 1;" /span"You're not leaving her. She's always spent her summers with Quinn."/p
p class="MsoNormal"span style="mso-spacerun: yes;" /spanspan style="mso-tab-count: 1;" /span"But she's never been this clingy before."/p
p class="MsoNormal"span style="mso-spacerun: yes;" /spanspan style="mso-tab-count: 1;" /span"It's called being a pre-teen," Fake Nia scoffed./p
p class="MsoNormal"span style="mso-spacerun: yes;" /spanspan style="mso-tab-count: 1;" /span"You remember what you and Quinn were like at that age?"/p
p class="MsoNormal"span style="mso-tab-count: 1;" /spanThere was something about the name 'Quinn' that piqued Kara's interest. There were probably hundreds of Quinns out there, but it was triggering some sort of memory for her. She wished she could place the name. span style="mso-spacerun: yes;" /span/p
p class="MsoNormal"span style="mso-spacerun: yes;" /spanspan style="mso-tab-count: 1;" /span"Yeah, absolute terrors. Y'all were awful, and you lived in Lima, Ohio. What the hell are the girls going to be like in LA?"/p
p class="MsoNormal"span style="mso-spacerun: yes;" /spanspan style="mso-tab-count: 1;" /spanFake Leslie welcomed the drink that was placed in front of her. Similarly, Fake Nia thanked the person who sat what looked like a Long Island Iced Tea down on the table, watching span style="mso-spacerun: yes;" /spanspan style="mso-spacerun: yes;" /spanthem walk away. "Not like we were when we were that age. Our families were shit, and we were like deep in the closet. It won't be like that for her."/p
p class="MsoNormal"span style="mso-spacerun: yes;" /spanspan style="mso-tab-count: 1;" /span"Do you-,"/p
p class="MsoNormal"span style="mso-tab-count: 1;" /span"What I really think you're worried about is letting go. You've been front row and present since Beth was born. It's way past time for Quinn to step up, and I think she's finally learned to make Beth her priority, but what do I know?"/p
p class="MsoNormal"span style="mso-spacerun: yes;" /spanspan style="mso-tab-count: 1;" /spanThere was a sudden air clearing between them, that Kara missed. The expression on fake Nia's face changed. "You're still not talking to her either?"/p
p class="MsoNormal"span style="mso-spacerun: yes;" /spanspan style="mso-tab-count: 1;" /spanThe wedding party cheered loudly, causing Kara to miss what was said. Fake Leslie rolled her shoulders and looked off of into the distance. Kara quickly looked down at the table, nursing her drink and pretending she wasn't ease dropping./p
p class="MsoNormal"span style="mso-spacerun: yes;" /spanspan style="mso-tab-count: 1;" /span"I've never been gone all summer, before."/p
p class="MsoNormal"span style="mso-spacerun: yes;" /spanspan style="mso-tab-count: 1;" /span"Not gone. On tour, 'Cedes." Kara corrected Fake Nia's name to 'Cedes. "You know what kind of cred she'll have with her mom going on a world tour? With emBeyoncé/em?"/p
p class="MsoNormal"span style="mso-spacerun: yes;" /spanspan style="mso-tab-count: 1;" /span'Cedes blushed, and quickly worked to downplay the accomplishment. "It's only one concert."/p
p class="MsoNormal"span style="mso-tab-count: 1;" /span"emWith Beyoncé." /emspan style="mso-spacerun: yes;" /span/p
p class="MsoNormal"span style="mso-spacerun: yes;" /spanspan style="mso-tab-count: 1;" /span"And I'm not her mom."/p
p class="MsoNormal"span style="mso-tab-count: 1;" /spanFake Leslie rolled her eyes. "You're the closest thing in her life to a mom. She doesn't even call Quinn mom."/p
p class="MsoNormal"span style="mso-spacerun: yes;" /spanspan style="mso-tab-count: 1;" /span"I'm trying to break her of that."/p
p class="MsoNormal"span style="mso-tab-count: 1;" /spanFake Leslie snorted. "Good luck! You remember how stubborn Quinn can be. Have you met her spawn?"/p
p class="MsoNormal"span style="mso-spacerun: yes;" /spanspan style="mso-tab-count: 1;" /spanSteve returned from the bar with what Kara was sure was a Shirley Temple and a second of whatever Cedes and Fake Leslie were drinking. 'Cedes, Fake Leslie, and Steve went back to making plans, and Kara went back to trying to find the answers to this after life at the bottom of her glass. They left not too soon after their arrival. Kara continued to feed herself drinks until it got late enough that she could go home, bury herself in her bed, and not feel too guilty about it. In the morning, she would make her way west./p
p class="MsoNormal"span style="mso-spacerun: yes;" /spanspan style="mso-tab-count: 1;" /spanTomorrow was another day./p