Hello again.
The recent reviews tell me that we'd like some more fluff?
Let's see what I can do….
There's a small nod for our girl, let's see if you find it.
Until next time My friends.
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Santana Lopez lays in bed, tangled up in her red satin sheets, staring at the ceiling.
Like she's done every night for the past month.
Santana tosses and turns then she turns and tosses.
After glancing at her phone for the millionth time, she exhales.
Accepting that her fate tonight is another sleepless night, she throws on her chucks, a pair of jeans and reaches for the keys. Santana reaches for her favorite pea coat because A. it's December and B. They are in New York. She stops for half a second, her brown eyes closing, followed by an even deeper inhale. Somehow, this coat still smells like her…..
Santana takes the stairs in an attempt to either distract or stall herself from doing this yet again but it's no use. She strolls through the lobby, offering a nod at the bell man before beginning her journey.
Lately there are two lies she repeats to herself…
She's doing the right thing and the biggest lie to date, she doesn't need anyone.
Two drunk girls stumble past her, giggling as they enter the complex and she watches as they pass, laughing to herself.
It's funny, as much as things change, they stay the same.
With other girls Santana always wanted to be out and about, never wanted to be home, but with Quinn….. With Quinn, Santana was always the one, impatiently and eagerly pulling the giggling blonde down the hallway, practically sprinting towards the apartment. Santana could never get enough of Quinn, to just be at home with her, even if all they were doing was binging some stupid, cheesy rom com on netflix.
Santana hated them but Quinn loved them and Santana loved Quinn so they watched every single one. Even the hallmark ones.
Walking the deserted, rainy streets of New York is so dramatic. It gives the feeling that a stringed quartet accompanied by a group of singers should be behind Santana. Singing some sad ass, brokenhearted love song, narrating her sad life but then again, that isn't usually what the villain of the story gets, is it? That's what Santana Lopez is after all, the Villain.
Santana broke Quinn's heart and to be honest, she doesn't even have a clear answer as to why. All she can safely say is, when you roll up insecurity, add a dash of self sabotage and sprinkle a bit of history, the combination is lethal.
Something stops Santana in her tracks. She looks left and exhales.
She double checks for traffic, then crosses the street.
The restaurant is of course dark and the chairs are stacked neatly on top of the tables but the memories remain.
This was where Quinn and Santana had their first, official, date.
Quinn always looked amazing in those sundresses but on this particular night she looked absolutely breathtaking.
Look, Santana had been on many, many dates before and not once had she ever been nervous. The effect Quinn Fabray had on Santana is unreal. Sure they had hooked up a few times prior, neither wanting to label anything but if you knew Santana, you know she could never do anything half assed, especially feelings. So, in the back of this tiny restaurant, with very shaky hands, Santana Lopez truly grew some lady balls and finally asked a very special lady to be her girlfriend, officially and in her words, for the entire world to see.
Santana shakes the light rain drops from her coat and continues to walk. The sun is beginning to rise and she takes in just how peaceful the city looks. It truly is the most beautiful city in the world. Leaning against the light pole, Santana laughs to herself and looks up. Of course this is the street she would stop on.
Magnolia
This is the exact spot, Santana told Quinn, she loved her.
They were walking home from one of their dates.
The October wind was light and cool so Santana wrapped her jacket tighter around Quinn.
Quinn reached out, fisted Santana's shirt and planted a kiss, neither would ever forget.
With her breath still taken and eyes shut, Santana exhaled, ever so softly "I love you Q."
Santana's expression quickly changed from happiness to fear as her eyes shot open. Santana had expected Quinn to run away, because who wouldn't? After all, this was only after a few months of official dating and if anyone else had said that to her, Santana would have ran faster than the speed of light. But when Santana's eyes adjusted, Quinn was still there, smiling that million dollar smile. Her hazel eyes sparkling under the streetlight.
It's a look Santana won't ever forget.
Quinn smiled, caressing the girls' cheek. She leaned back in and rested her forehead against Santana's. Quinn took a deep breath and exhaled softly "I love you too Santana, I always have"
Lost in the memory and still walking, Santana has lost track of time. When she finally realizes it, she's here. Santana's done this very same walk a million times over the past six months and she's only ever got this far but today feels different. Today, there's a shift.
So she pulls the door open and enters the lobby.
She pushes 24 on the elevator and watches as floor by floor passes one by one.
Santana's never gone this far before and now the weight of everything is starting to hit her.
The elevator reads 20…..
21….
22….
It's now that she begins to truly panic.
She closes her eyes and exhales, hearing the final beep.
The doors open and Santana freezes for what feels like an eternity.
It's only when the doors begin to close and she notices her reflection, that her hands reach out and stop them.
It's now or never, right?
What will Quinn say?
What should Santana say?
Will she even be there?
What if someone else answers the door?
It's too late for what if's, Santana's here now. So she shakes her head in an attempt to silence the inner monologue. She takes a deep breath and brings her left hand up to gently knock on the door.
Seconds feel like hours but finally the door opens.
Quinn looks at Santana, it's as if she can finally breathe, as if all the oxygen in the world has been returned to her lungs.
They stand staring at each other, neither speaking. Both understanding words weren't needed, not right now.
Santana could easily stay right here, forever, looking into those absolutely beautiful hazel eyes and when Quinn sighs, leaning her head against the door, all of Santana's defenses crumble.
The way Quinn looks at Santana makes Santana realize she may have loved before but only this love was true.
Tears stream down Santana's face and her head hangs.
In an instant Santana is wrapped up in strong arms. Those beautiful arms that have both put her back together and dismantled her countless times over the years. The same arms she's missed everyday. The arms she needs and absolutely has to spend forever in.
Santana pulls back enough and notices the tears filling Quinn's eyes.
"I can't live without you" The words leave Santana's mouth before she can process the severity of what these words mean. Quinn says nothing but once again envelops Santana in her arms.
A part of Santana wonders what her neighbors think.
Two women sobbing in a hallway at two am.
Could they be any more cliche? Lesbians.
The bigger part of Santana doesn't care because at this point, she can't lose Quinn.
More importantly, Santana won't lose Quinn, at least not without putting up a fight first.
This time Quinn is one to end the embrace. Her hands move to either side of Santana's face and she laughs softly.
"I never thought I'd see the day that Santana Lopez would be the first to cave. You know, I've walked to your apartment so many times but never had the courage to knock"
Santana laughs at that because if there's one person in this world more stubborn than her, it's Quinn Fabray.
"If it will bring you home where you belong, I'll always be the first to cave. You'll always win Q. The truth is and always will be that I can't live without you and I don't want to. I'm so tired of running Q, so if you'll still have me, It's just us from here on out. I promise. I love you Quinn"
Quinn looks at Santana and smiles, she gently strokes the girl's face then cracks the door a bit more and points over her shoulder. There sits a small pink suitcase and Santana doesn't think she's ever been more excited to see such a hideous piece of luggage. Without hesitation Santana walks past Quinn and grabs it. Quinn laughs, quickly writing a note before placing the extra key Rachel had made on the counter.
"I was just waiting for you to come get me. It's just us against the world San. Can you do me a favor and grab the other bag from the bedroom please?"
Santana rushes into the spare bedroom and smiles.
Quinn never unpacked.
She knew Santana would come for her.
This gorgeous gorgeous girl
Santana quickly grabs the other suitcase and rushes towards the door. Noticing the small yellow sticky, curiosity gets the best of her and she sneaks a peek.
"Thank you for letting me crash but I'm going home, where I belong" - Quinn
Santana's heart overflows and the smile on her face reaches from ear to ear. Now swelling with more pride than she's had in a long time, she reaches for Quinn's hand. Pressing endless amounts of kisses to the gentle hands she's missed and Quinn giggles, that giggle that makes Santana's heart skip a beat.
"Let's go home" Quinn says and Santana couldn't agree more.
The two walk the short distance back home and Santana can't help but be grateful for both the sleepless nights, also for FINALLY listening and following her heart back to where it truly belongs.
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