She imagined it to hurt, but it didn't.
It felt like any other seal. Warm and tingling.
She waited another minute, eyes closed and mouth dry. She could feel the chakra settling into her skin, into her flesh.
It's done.
She opened her eyes.
The old man eyed her with a gaze she couldn't read. Concerned or calculating or maybe pitiful, she had never been able to tell what he was thinking.
She hoped her eyes mirrored her feelings. All the anger and frustration and grief. She wanted it to radiate from her, equal to the chakra, he hid from her next door.
As if chakra, bursting with energy like that could be hidden from her. She would've headed there this second, if there weren't so many Anbu present.
He took a sheet of paper from a pile of his desk next to him, handing it to her. "Are you sure?"
She reached for the paper, but he didn't let go of it. "I am."
It was too late now, anyway.
She tugged on it, but his grip was too firm and she didn't want to rip the document. It meant too much.
"You can still quit," he said, his voice gentle, yet strict.
"Then I paid the price for nothing."
His eyes met hers. "You're paying a price to pay a price."
She stared back at him without blinking an eye, and tugged at the paper once more. He let her have it.
Her eyes scanned every letter with caution, afraid he was trying to trick her. He was supposed to be just and kind, but she began to realize how cruel he could be. She had lost all faith in him, when this whole mess started.
ADOPTION REGISTRATION, it said at the top of the document.
The absurdity of this whole sham brought a bitter smile to her face and anger boiled up in her stomach.
It shouldn't be this way.
She reached over to grab a pen from his desk, but before she could take hold of it, his hand snatched at her arm, holding her still. Her body tensed up, staying completely still.
"Before you sign this," he said in an earnest, yet patronising way, "I want to make it clear one last time. This is considered an official a S-rank mission and any violation will be punished accordingly. Do you understand that?"
She clenched her fists, snapped her teeth together and turned her head to look in his face. "Yes, I do. I already told you that when I signed the blood contract."
"I just want you to fully understand what you're getting yourself into."
She almost snorted. She wasn't getting herself into anything. They shouldn't even have this discussion right now, or the many ones they had before. It was the natural thing to do for her.
"What else am I supposed to do?" she barked at him. "Pretend like he doesn't exist? What would th-"
She choked on her words.
Tears shot into her eyes and the air was stuck in her lungs. The adoption papers slipped to the floor as she clutched her throat. Her body was shaken by a coughing fit as she doubled over. A piercing pain traveled from her tongue, down her throat and burned her lungs.
She couldn't breathe.
A hand was placed on her shoulder and her heart violently beat against her chest.
The coughing got worse.
"Try to calm down," the old man said with a soothing voice, his hand rubbing gently over her back. "Think of something else."
She tried to focus on the chakra next door. The one she was so familiar with. The one that got her into this mess to begin with.
Tears dropped on the hardwood floor and she couldn't bring her body to take in enough air to cough. She made choking noises and felt the urge to vomit.
"Try to name the clans of the village."
She did as she was told.
Uzumaki Clan...Uchia Clan…Hyuga Clan…Sarutobi Clan…Akimichi Clan…Senju Clan...Inuzuka Clan…Nara Clan…Aburame Clan…Yamanaka Clan…
The coughing stopped and the air she breathed in traveled deeper into her lungs. It still hurt but the burning sensation was fading. Her body relaxed and her hands slid from her neck and pressed against her chest, feeling her heartbeat slow down.
After a few deep breaths she looked up, expecting to see compassion in the eyes of the old man, but he eyed her with contentment. She straightened up and he pulled his hand back.
"So it works," he said satisfied.
She wiped the tears off her cheeks with her sleeve, avoiding his eyes.
Then she bent down, trembling fingers reaching for the paper she had let fall to the floor. It was slightly singed at one corner, probably from gliding over the candles that were arranged around her in a circle, but the information was still readable.
A pen was dangling in her vision, before she could straighten up. She grabbed it from his hands and put a hasty signature on the lower part of the document, feeling his eyes on her.
She did it. It was over.
She could take him home now.
"I want to see him now," she blurted out, handing the document and pen to the old man.
He looked over to the door, nodding as he slowly took the paper from her. She turned her head to see one of the Anbus disappear in a cloud of smoke.
The door opened with a creak and the Anbu stepped back inside with a bundle of blankets in his arms. Tucked inside the blankets was a sleeping baby.
Their baby.
She stumbled towards him, but another Anbu grabbed her arm, holding her back. She tried to pull away, but his grip tightened painfully.
She whirled around to glare at the old man in charge. He nodded and she yanked her arm out of the Anbu's grip as it loosened.
Arms stretched out in front of her, she dashed towards the Anbu with the baby in his arms, almost tripping over her own feet. She abruptly halted in front of them, her fingers longingly reaching for the blanket, as the baby was laid into her arms. Her arms curled around the child affectionately, holding him as close as she could, nuzzling the top of his head with her cheek.
The child squirmed a little in her embrace and she pulled away the tiniest bit, looking at him through tears.
He looked back at her with big blue eyes. Eyes like her's.
Eyes like his mother's.
Her heart felt heavy and swollen, similar to an unattended broken foot, but worse in a way she couldn't describe. So much worse.
She sobbed.
"If you want, he can stay in the orphanage for now," she heard the old man's voice behind her. "He won't remember anything for at least two years. And he won't remember much of the time until you turn 18."
"No," she shook her head, never taking her eyes off the child cradled in her arms. "The orphanage is packed to the brim. And he'll need attention."
"You seemed fairly happy there, back then," his tone was kind and considerate and she almost believed that he cared. "I don't think it was a bad experience for you. Didn't you make great friends there?"
"I didn't have chakra like his."
Chakra that was so familiar to her, it felt more like home than the house that had gotten destroyed. She had slept next to its presence after nightmares and had gotten pulled close to it when she cried.
It was an enraged kind of chakra, now even more furious than she was used to. She didn't know how much of it everyone else was able to feel. But she knew that people were scared by it. She'd seen it during the attack and she could see it still.
She wasn't scared, never has been. She loved him more for it.
The little boy in her arms closed his eyes again, snuggling up to her his tiny fingers grabbed a strand of red hair.
"Let's go home," she whispered to him, "Naruto."