Note:

It's been a very long time since I've written any fan fiction, so please bear with me as I may be a bit rusty. I haven't watched SVU in years, but I still adore Rolivia. I'm unsure how long it will take to complete or how long this story will be, but I hope you enjoy it!

A quick note I forgot to mention: There are no children in this story. Characters like Jessie, Billie, or Noah do not appear in this narrative. Don't forget to leave a comment!

What are these feelings I can't get over
Dreaming of things that I'm not supposed to
I don't wanna cross the line but
I wish that you were mine

Olivia Benson had prided herself on maintaining control over her emotions, or at least she believed she did. Working within the tumultuous Special Victims Unit, where heinous crimes and the relentless pursuit of justice were the norm, had always demanded unwavering composure. However, as the days turned into weeks and months, she found it increasingly challenging to dismiss the subtle, evolving currents of emotion within her.

A whirlwind of emotions churned within her, creating waves that crashed in the pit of her stomach. It sent a tingling sensation coursing through her veins, awakening a newfound sense of life and electric excitement. This unexpected delight felt almost teenage in its intensity, but Olivia knew it was nothing more than a distracting, unsettling detour from her real life.

Naturally, Olivia would push these feelings aside, locking them away in the darkest recesses of her mind, as she had always done. She hid them away like a secret, tossing the key into the depths of a river, a ritual of self-preservation she had practiced diligently.

She occupied her office as the Lieutenant of the Special Victims Unit, concealing herself behind a sizable desk, an ocean of paperwork and files acting as a barrier between her and Amanda. Peering through the cracked blinds, she observed her colleague's figure, a ritual repeated countless times today alone. The detective's posture revealed a level of exhaustion beyond measure. Her grip on the coffee mug was so firm that her knuckles had turned crimson. Olivia could imagine those weary blue eyes fixed on the computer screen, endlessly replaying footage.

Undeniably, finding solace in watching the blonde detective from the sanctuary of her office was a familiar comfort. However, that tranquility took an unexpected turn when a male detective, clutching a file, approached the industrious blonde. It was the way Amanda's eyes lit up when she was passionate about a case, or the gentle touch she used to comfort victims. It was the reassuring touch she bestowed upon the tall male detective, her small hand resting innocently on his arm, enough to pull at Olivia's heartstrings. She dismissed it as mere friendship, but deep down, she recognized it as something more.

The male detective's gentle smile as he walked toward his desk brought to mind a rainy night when their team had been wrapping up a particularly harrowing case. In the breakroom that night, Amanda had cracked a joke that sent everyone into fits of laughter. Olivia couldn't help but be captivated by Amanda's laughter, the sparkle in her eyes, and her infectious smile. It was in that moment, like a sudden revelation, that Olivia realized she was falling in love with Amanda Rollins.

As she recalled that memory and glanced across the room at Amanda on the other side of the protective wall, panic and confusion welled up within Olivia. She had never experienced such emotions for a colleague before. Despite her attempts to bury her feelings, they persisted, growing stronger with each passing day. Her concentration waned during briefings, her thoughts inevitably drifting back to Amanda.

She wondered if Amanda had any inkling of her feelings, or if she was completely oblivious.

Lost in thought, she jolted slightly at the sudden knock on her office door, swiftly regaining her composure for whatever awaited her. Raising her gaze, she met the eyes that had disrupted her contemplation, her brown eyes locking with the blue ones she had grown to love, a glimmer of hope within them. Unbeknownst to her, Amanda had silently left her desk, catching Olivia off guard. She quickly shook her head and cleared her throat, redirecting her focus to the pressing case. "Find anything?"

Amanda responded with a disappointed smile and a subtle head shake, saying, "Unfortunately, nothing on video, but TARU is still working on the laptop and cell phone." Amanda's expression betrayed concern as she noticed her Lieutenant's distraction. "Everything all right, Liv?" Her voice was gentle and filled with genuine worry.

"Oh, everything is fine, just..."

"Tired," they both exhaled with a melancholic smile.

"Go home."

Amanda nodded, tilting her head slightly. "You too..."

Olivia's gaze was fixed on Amanda as she exited her office. She absentmindedly tousled her hair, trying to dispel the tingling sensation Amanda's mere glance had evoked. Olivia despised how vulnerable she'd become for the detective. It seemed absurd, a one-sided teenage infatuation at her age – a woman in her forties. She loathed it. When had she turned into this? Oh, yes, it all began the moment Amanda set foot in SVU.

Nevertheless, despite everything, she already longed for Amanda's gaze and soothing voice. The lingering scent of vanilla that Amanda always carried still permeated her office, enveloping her in a comforting warmth. "Pathetic," she chided herself as she collected her belongings and stashed them in her office bag.

Soft moonlight filtered through the bedroom curtains, casting a gentle glow on the valet chair near the bathroom door. Beneath silk sheets and a pale lavender duvet, Olivia restlessly shifted in her bed. Just as she was on the cusp of drifting into an uneasy slumber, her phone chimed, abruptly awakening her. Frustration coursed through her as she silently prayed it wasn't a work-related call. Stretching to reach her phone on the nightstand, she winced at the screen's brightness. Her eyes swiftly adjusted to the light as she scanned the sender's name on the new text message.

"Can't sleep."

"Me neither…" Olivia replied.

"The case?"

It seemed like an innocent question, but Olivia's heart fluttered at the thought that Amanda might be able to read her mind and heart. "Not necessarily…" she typed back, choosing her words carefully.

"Yeah..."

In that single word, Olivia sensed Amanda's sadness. It was the shared feeling of loneliness in the quiet of the night that left little room for thoughts other than the longing for comfort and reassurance that the world wasn't always as bleak as they'd experienced. "I wish…."

"Me too, sleep well."

"Goodnight."

And there she laid, engulfed in teenage angst, navigating the tumultuous waters of heartache and solitude, akin to a bull charging headlong into an endless crimson horizon. Amanda's response was deceptively simple, yet it sent her on a rollercoaster of hope, fear, and bewildering confusion. The heart emoji, an innocuous symbol with a world of meaning concealed within.

Navigating the turbulent sea of emotions, Olivia found herself drifting into slumber, where either nightmares or sweet dreams awaited her.