a/n: something for someone.
The pancakes were square.
Shadow found them perplexing and delicious.
Rouge found them amusing and delicious.
The pancakes were square. Somehow. And in equally miraculous fashion, perfectly done. More perfect than imagination would allow. The perfect ratios of soft and fluffy, firm and absorbent, flavourful and pliable.
Omega made them. He was interested in culinary pursuits, and this seemed like a good start. A normal weekend morning, where Rouge strolled into the kitchen in her delicates, and Shadow hid his annoyance while reaching for a cup of black coffee.
"Enjoy."
The familiar voice rang out as the plates were brought from the kitchen, optimally balanced on top of clawed hands formulated for pure destruction. Omega strove to be a robot of many talents. He would not be confined by the limitations imposed upon him by Doctor Eggman. Rouge had helpfully reminded him of that the other day. Shadow saw through her plotting, but welcomed a break from domestic tasks. At least until the kitchen was somehow bathed in napalm.
The apron clad destroyer of consumer models delivered his completed works for consumption.
"Omega, honey. They're square."
"Affirmative."
Rouge shrugged and sunk the side of her fork into one of the pancakes on her plate. Decorated with the fruit she so liked, spaced properly to allow her to eat at her own pace. It cut through very smoothly, to her delight. She squeezed a bit of syrup onto her plate, and dipped a slice into it.
"Oh. These are...wow."
Shadow raised a brow and separated a pancake from his lonely, unimpeded stack. He cut into it with the same surprising ease, drizzled a bit of syrup over it, and then ate.
He ended up taken aback as well. "Wow."
"Right?"
"The composition is...I struggle with the words. But they are square."
"Yeah. How come?" she asked her lovingly murderous sweetheart. "A bit of fun?"
"Negative. In concocting the optimal recipe for my comrades, the shape of this breakfast meal became fixed in time and space. Making any changes to the recipe measurements or ratios will allow for a traditional pancake shape. In exchange, I would be required to deliver pancakes of suboptimal quality."
Omega raised his arms.
"A fate worse than service under Doctor Eggman."
"Such a drama queen," Rouge said.
"He takes after you," Shadow said.
"Hush, you. Omega, you did a great job. The pancakes are square, and very lovely. Make them again for us."
"Understood. Mission accomplished. Proceeding to next phase."
Omega lumbered off to clean up the kitchen while Rouge and Shadow ate.
The next few days involved Shadow reviewing parts of Omega's code. He managed to decipher what his robot partner was doing, and tested the designs in 3D space. It would be a waste of batter otherwise.
The nanometre precision and various other inorganic optimizations resulted in the pancakes ending up square, as mentioned. Any changes, even those seeming to be infinitesimally small, caused the pancakes to lose shape. And presumably, deliciousness.
He made pancakes during the week. They were round. They were very near the standards Omega set.
They lacked something. Something aside from the squareness. But also the squareness.
"So you really can't change anything about it, eh."
"No."
Rouge casually held her phone in one hand while at the market. She wanted to show off her new outfit, a conspicuous enough designer blouse, recently acquired jeans, and boots that boosted ego far more than height. It was the simplest of tasks, which was retrieving snacks and the necessary ingredients for Omega's four sided masterworks.
"Well, that's all fine. I like the pancakes. They're quirky."
"Like you."
"I think I'm a little more than that, darling." She smiled at Shadow, who was busy looking at paperwork within the borders of her phone screen. "But thank you for the compliment, as always."
"I suppose."
"They're so very delicious, too. I can't get enough."
"Even my creations pale in comparison. For now."
"The Ultimate Lifeform doesn't stay behind the curve for long, eh."
"You've learned something for once."
Rouge scoffed and tipped a few tins of baking soda into her basket. "Just for that, I won't splurge for the fancy syrup you like. You know, the authentic stuff from totally-not-France up north."
"I see. Then I must say that I'm sorry."
"Good."
"I'm sorry that your bait is still so pathetic after all these years," Shadow said without looking at the camera.
Rouge pouted and stared at the syrup he knew they both liked.
"Gently into the basket. Thank you."
"I'm going to kick your ass when you get home."
"As always." He typed away while she grumbled and dropped the glass bottle into the basket. She would find a way to get him back. Maybe.
The next weekend came. And the one after that.
The pancakes were still square. It seemed they would remain so.
Shadow never did get around to perfecting that recipe. Rouge never got around to being mad at him, or delivering the promised ass kicking. A bottle of her favourite bath liquid ensured an indefinite delay.
Omega was as satisfied as a robot could be, when not engaged in total destruction.
"Enjoy."
"We sure will, sweetie. Thank you."
"Thank you, Omega."
"Acknowledged. Entering clean up mode."
Rouge and Shadow ate with satisfaction, in their cozy dining room. Omega carefully loaded the dishwasher.
"I guess Omega's making pancakes from now on."
Shadow nodded. "It seems so."
"Good. I like the sound of that."
"I do as well."
"We'll get him to make us booze next."
"No. We won't."
Rouge sighed and poured syrup over her pancakes. "Can't blame a girl for trying."
"You would hope so."
He looked over his mug to see her pouting.
"Meanie. You're so lucky I love you."
He closed his eyes and nodded. "I won't argue that."
"Heh."
The pancakes were square. And they remained very lovely.