Open up my Head

People run past each other. Umbrella gets trapped against another umbrella. Loud shouts. Cars driving through puddles and the splashing water hits people while passing by. The stink of wet dog and old urine rises into the air. The roofing of the University building provides a dry place for the Punks. Erik sits a little apart. They knew each other. They tolerated each other. Let each other be, but they weren't close friends either. It's okay the way it is.
The Place of the Old Synagogue is a connection between the university library and the nearest tram stop. Today are no children playing. No students. Only umbrellas and hurrying.
No Christine. Erik didn't bring his guitar.
After the last heat stroke, Erik had to surrender to Nadir's relentless care. After two days, his condition was improving, before the rain started.

Erik sighs, today he would probably not see Christine. He stands up. Takes Sasha and nods a goodbye to the punks.
"Tschüsselkowski"
"Tschaussn"
"Take care" it resounded to him. A canned beer is opened. Loud slurping. "EY wait uh min, Ah just remembered thus one thing! " one of the older punks, stand up. "Thayure wuz such uh type yesterday!" Erik stops and looks to him "Who?"
"Wayul, thet girl. She's always hangin' around yawl. Thuh wun who sings wayul. Anyway, shay came by yesterday an asked fahwar yawl." silently Erik stares at the older one, only understanding half of it, this dialect is still foreign to him. "Go on," he mutters "Shay gave may uh dime fah tode yawl shay wasn't comin' tuhday. Yawl can meet her, yawl should call her. Ah guess yawl got her number." the punk is grinning broadly, exposing an irregular row of missing teeth. Erik nods. "Cool. Thanks Jago.", he turns away and walks, with Sasha at his side, down the tram line. How was he supposed to reach her, without a smartphone? Lost in his thoughts and with his eyes permanently lowered, he pushes past the people and their umbrellas. He is being bumped repeatedly. At some point he's had enough, the next person wouldn't bump him away. The 1.95 m are good for something. The next person sticks to his shoulder, he didn't give in. A blond man with a really embarrassing mustache on his face peeks up from under the black umbrella "Oh Pardon...Ah, it's you!" a familiar voice calls out, Erik pauses and looks down at the slightly shorter young man. Behind the mask, he purses his lips downwards. Raoul is standing right in front of him. If only he had let himself be pushed aside.

Stupid Erik!
"... Hello Saul" he just growls and already wants to go on "Raoul, my name is Raoul" the mustache lifts to a smile. "You're Erik, right? You have a really strong shoulder" Erik is silent. "Not very talkative, I see." he raises his free hand defensively "I have to go on, university is calling" Raoul turns around "C...can I use your smartphone?" croaks Erik, clearing his throat.
Raoul hesitates and turns around, eyeing the punk.
"What are you going to do with it?"
"Calling Christine. She asked for me, yesterday"
Raoul hands him his smartphone "Hit the redial, she was my last call" Erik nods, takes the phone and types. The umbrella shelters the two young men, now. Quietly, the call signal echoes from the speaker. A click "Good thing you're calling, you left your pencil case here" laughing resounds from the speaker against Erik. A flash goes through Erik. He clenches his jaw, wordlessly pushes the cell phone into Raoul's hand, and turns to leave. "Ha..wa..wait!...ah Christine? Yes hi, it's me, hi... yes my pencil case? Oh thanks! I've been looking for that, haha...yeah wait a sec." he holds the phone away from his ear "Erik wait!"

"ERIK? RAOUL YOU SEEN HIM?!" it screams from the speaker. Abruptly, Erik stops. Rain drips from his hair onto his mask. He picks up the cell phone and raises it to his ear. "Christine," he mumbles, "Erik," she answers with relief, "I was worried something had happened to you" she babbles on. He shakes his head. Embarrassed he raises his shoulders. Raoul holds the umbrella over himself and Erik again. "The heat had gotten me, that was all -" he changes the subject "Christine, I wrote down the first verse. The music idea" Raoul tries not to listen too interested. "Oh, that's wonderful! Can you play it for me? When will I see you again?"

"I don't have a cell phone." he replies, ashamed. "Where...where are you?"
"At home, let Raoul give you the address, you're welcome to come over" Erik nods and hangs up. "Usually you should say goodbye" Raoul grumbles, finally sighing "I really have to go now"
"Where does Christine live?"

The rain eases. Erik stands at the front door. He rings the doorbell. A whirring sound. The door opens. The dog enters the front door and shakes. Erik runs up the stairs. He takes two steps at a time. Nadir greets him with an irritated glance. "Forgot the keys!" He just shouts and hurries to his bedroom. Slams the door behind him. Khan blinks, rubs the back of his head and trots after him "Are you OK?" he asks, stopping in front of the door. He hears it rumble. Wet clothes slapping the floor. Shoes flying into the corner. "Eriiiiiik" he trills "Is everything OKAYYYYHAAYY, I ask!" Nadir calls louder now. Silence. The door opens. A fresh black hoodie with a skull and roses print, black skinny jeans with holes and two mismatched socks adorn his thin body. "Yeah," he replies, pushing past the Iranian. "Okay okay, are you going again?" he watches as Erik puts on his other pair of shoes, combat boots.
"Yeah."
"Going to the Place of the Old Synagogue again?"
"No."
"So?"
"Christine, she invited me to her place".
Nadir's jaw dropped "Stop Stop! Do we have to talk about protection?!" he grabs Erik's shoulders and holds him tight. Suddenly he squirms out, "No. Listen. I'll be back tonight. She just wants me to play something for her. Can I take your violin?" Nadir grimaces, "Take good care of Charlotte, though." By then, Erik is already rushing to Nadir's bedroom and came right back with a violin in her case. " Message me if you need me."
"I still don't have a cell phone" Nadir nods, "Erik. Call me when you want me to pick you up, I'm sure she has a phone"
"Bye Khan."

The combat boots are parked in the front entrance of a single-family home on the city's edge. Sasha's leash hangs on the coat rack next to the old, shattered leather jacket. Erik sits on Christine's office chair, twisting back and forth slightly nervously. Christine brings drinks and snacks into the room "Ok, we have everything" she smirks excitedly. "This is the first time I'm going to hear you play the violin" Sasha hops up her leg and tries to grab a cookie. "Sasha no!" growls Erik, turning to Christine "I can play cello and piano too"
"Where did you learn all this?" she sets the tray down on her study table. "I have time." Erik reaches for Sasha and pulls her to him. "Now, sit down" he hisses "Oh come on, let her be".
"Chocolate. There's chocolate in the cookies. Dogs aren't supposed to eat that." Christine blushes. "Oh...I didn't know that" She sits down on her bed. "I'm sorry," she mumbles. Erik shakes his head and his wavy hair flies back and forth. "Not for this."
Awkward silence returns between the two of them. The rhythmic panting of Sasha echoes through the room.
"The verse..." mumbles Erik, retrieving the violin from its transport box. Christine watches him in silence. He unscrews the chin rest. "Don't you need these?"
"No..." he pauses "This is my roommate's violin" he looks at her briefly. She remembered exactly what he said last time about where he slept. She doesn't address it, he surely had his reasons for not saying where he sleeps, she explains to herself. He puts the violin to his masked chin and begins to play a scale. "It's out of tune. Wait." Christine gets up, disappears, and comes back with a small tuner.

The rain stops. The music of the violin resounds, dark and gentle. The notes seem to glide through the room. The front door opens and a woman enters. She stands in the doorway. Hears the sound. Sees the combat boots and the jacket. The woman walks up the stairs. She sees Christine sitting on the floor with a dog. In front of her is a much too tall man with a mask and a violin.
The woman steps through the door "Hello everyone" Christine gasps "Mom!" the dog jumps up and runs towards Christine's mother beaming with joy. "Yeah hi, ohhh you are so cute!" She pets the excited dog. Then she looks at Erik. He is frozen like a statue. Shoulders hunched, torso slightly bent forward, arms crossed in front of his body. Her gaze rests on his mask "And you must be Erik?" she asks, smiling at him. The same dear smile Christine has, but otherwise he finds no similarities. He nods. "I'm Valerie Daaé, nice to finally meet you. Are you staying for dinner?" Christine's eyes widen, and she glances back and forth between Erik, and her mother. Slowly Erik breaks out of his stiffness and shakes his head "I can't. I have to go home soon" he puts the violin away "Oh, no. You have to stay for dinner! Look at you, all skinny like that! You're not eating enough, I can see that from here!" she waves hee hand and stands up. "I'll fix you something and you can eat up here," she leaves.
Christine looks after her and then at the masked man. Sasha is already with Erik, licking his hand excessively.
"Are you okay?"
"That... Was a bit ..."
"Much?"
"Unexpected." he pets the dog. "I really have to go now, Christine" she knows she can't hold him back. Faintly she smiles, "Yes...I know, I'll explain it to my mom, don't worry about it" he walks past her, stops for a moment and looks at her. Those deep blue eyes like the sky reflected in the sea, practiced a deep calmness in him. "Thank you. I'll...see you around?"
"Sure"
She laughs and he leaves.

On Erik's pillow is an old smartphone with a spider app. Next to it, a note. "Starting credit is 5 euros, I'll show you the days how you can recharge the credit, the PIN is 1811, WLAN password is already saved" Erik looks around, his pile of clothes is gone. Nadir must have cleaned up. He sits down on the mattress, starts the cell phone and immediately saves Christine's number. He stares at the phone for a while. Should he text her? Or call her? He puts the cell phone away. No. There wasn't time yet. He takes off the mask and disappears into the bathroom.

Sasha lies on the floor and gets into a comfortable position, lays her head down and hums softly and relaxed.

Hello Christine, this is Erik.

Christine's cell phone lights up. She looks from her laptop screen to the cell phone. She starts to smile.

Hey Erik! I'm glad to hear that! Are you back home?

Erik is lying on his mattress. His hair is still dripping, a towel wrapped around his waist. He stares at his cell phone. "She answers Sasha.", the dog hums.

Yes, if it doesn't rain, I'll be back at the Place of the Old Synagogue tomorrow.

He sits up and goes back to the bathroom. He looks for his salves and creams. The last few months he hadn't taken very good care of himself or his skin. He knows if he neglects himself again, Nadir would eventually get it. He shouldn't push his roommate's patience too far. He sits down on the mattress and starts caring for the scars. Not only is his face completely bruised. The rest of his body is also covered in scars. Light and dark, long and short scars, bulging ones, but also small round ones. The golden thread dances around his skin. He stares at this one. "You're still here." He closes his eyes and listens. His hands stroke his uneven skin.
He can hear it. The music that Christine sparks inside him.

I can't wait to see you, I'm done with university at 2 pm. See you then.

His cell phone vibrates. He reads the message and has to smile.

The rain is getting heavier. Erik and Christine save themselves under the marquee of a bookstore. Sasha shakes herself and the two call out disgustedly "No Sasha!" Christine looks around "uhhh Erik, while we're here, can I go look up something?"
"We'll wait here, Sasha shouldn't go in, she's too wet"
"I'll hurry" and with that she goes.
Erik waits. Stalks the display in front of the store. He pulls out Faust I and II. Second-hand copies. Instead of 3,20€ only 1,30€. He looks in his pocket for change, counts it, and ties Sasha to one of the book racks. "Stay," he says, and she sits down. Erik is holding the books in front of his chest. He grips it tightly. He stands at the entrance and tries to walk in. People approach, some staring, some pushing past him, deep in thoughts. He starts to break out in a sweat, takes a step back. "Hmmmmh" softly he groans and turns toward the book display. "Do you want to buy this?" Christine asks behind him. He turns to her "Y-YES!", she smiles "Come on then, I'll show you where the cash register is" the tall man, who must be at least two heads taller than her, slowly trots along. Christine holds a thick illustrated book about Van Gogh in her hands. Erik looks over her shoulder "Van Gogh... is that the one with the swirly stars?" she looks up at him "That's one way to describe it, probably one of the most famous impressionists of his time."Erik is silent, looking at the cover. That's when it hits Christine "He doesn't name anything to you, does he?" he shakes his head "Klimt? Monet?..Banksy?" He shakes his head again. "Music is my area of expertise" She stares at him with her mouth open, just want say something else about it, when she is interrupted by the cashier "Next pleeeease" Christine pays and makes space for Erik. He silently puts down the two Reclam editions, directly with the money, then pulls his baseball cap a little deeper into his face and waits. The woman at the cash register doesn't look at him. "He takes the books and hurries past Christine, out to his Sasha. He tucks the books into the inside pocket of his leather jacket and unties the dog. On the way out, he lost Christine. He glances around. A little later Christine appears and holds out an umbrella to Erik, "I bought this quick" she smiles.

Huddled together under the protection of the umbrella they walk through town, "Erik?"
"Christine."
"What...what happened to you?" she looks up at him. Her brow wrinkles. Erik can't meet her gaze. He knew this question would come, but after such a short time, this is too fast. "I...don't know," he mumbles. Her brow furrows deepened, "I can't remember. I'm missing a few years" he looks at her again "But it was bad, I think" he stops. He shows her his hands, then his wrists. "I think it was really bad" his voice breaks. She takes his hands in hers "I think so too..." Now here they stand. Holding hands in the rain. The umbrella hanging over Erik's shoulder. He is in a bowed position to meet her, she lightly on her toes. Gently, she caresses his hand. "No matter what happened. Erik, it's over.", she looks at him, he tries to meet her gaze at least this one time. At least, not to crumble into dust. Slowly he nods "Yes...yes it is" he agrees with her and maybe she is right, but in terms of trauma it is not the same. It hangs deep. It sits in every winding of the brain, in every bone in every fiber of the body. "The rain has stopped" he gently pulls his hand out of her hands and folds up the umbrella.

Songs:

Stick to your Guns – Open up my Head

Olafur Arnalds – Film Credits

Say hello to one of my favorite bookshops in Freiburg Buchhandlung Rombach