Chapter Thirteen: Memories at Meeks Gulch

She was not going to get any kind of rest from her ghosts. In the darkness, she could see a shape off to the side – likely just cleaning supplies – that resembled a dark and warped body with antlers.

A fleeting thought came next. Maybe she would rather be a blank drugged mess if it meant a good night's rest again. A hand came to rest just barely covering her mouth and thumb pressing into her cheek and elbow resting upon her knee all in a thoughtful manner. Holly only stared lazily at the shape like it might get up and move but her eyelids were hooded and she let her thoughts run wild finally. Passing fleeting images of a lifetime ago. Images, sounds, maybe memories, they could have been real or false… it no longer mattered…

"You look like a whore," her mother's voice echoed in her skull and she recalled looking in the speckled full-length mirror. A young preteen Holly wore a pair of jean shorts that stopped mid-thigh and showed off several band-aids on her knees, a pair of long socks came up halfway over her shins and she wore a short-sleeve top with a modest neckline, "you better wear something that covers your ugly limbs." Her mother was leaning in the doorway to her room with a hand on her hip and a cigarette burning in the other.

Holly looked over herself at the word: ugly, making her self-esteem drop back low enough that she unconsciously scratched at the faint freckles on her upper arm, "I will." She chewed on the inside of her mouth a little gnawing at the small scars already formed from the bad habit. Her eyes dropped to the lower left of her vision. Looking in the mirror at her sock-covered feet. There was a band-aid on her sole that felt like it was peeling off under the sock.

"Five minutes, hurry up." Her mother pulled the door shut and walked down the hallway, Holly could hear the creak of the wooden stairs as she went down them. However, another set of feet were coming fast up them.

It caused a feeling of dread to settle in her stomach. Holly quickly pulled her desk chair and shoved it under the door handle right before it jiggled. She backed away from the door and her exposed leg skin touched the covers of her bed as she bumped into it staring all the while at the door as if it may break open, "Hey sis, I think your door is jammed again." Johan called from the other side.

"Y-yeah," her voice cracked and she remembered to put something else on, nearly throwing open her dresser and flicking out a long skirt that'd cover her down to her ankles, "Mom shut it hard again…" she lied not bothering to take off the shorts she slid the skirt over them. Tossing the top onto her bed Holly dug through the dresser near frantically for something long sleeve. It did not matter if she tossed clothes on the floor or ruined the neatly folded garments in the drawer so long as she found something fast.

"Oh, okay," His voice was calm and flat, "I'll go get the screwdriver."

"No!" She froze and swallowed, "No, it's fine I think I can pull and you can push, Dad will get upset if you touch his tools again." Tugging a turtleneck over her head her hair fluffed out in all directions from the static. She pulled it down by two fistfuls to make sure it still fit past her waist she then grabbed her sneakers.

"I'm pushing," he called through the door, "are you pulling?"

"Yeah, I think I heard it creak!" She slipped on her shoes and then got ready to tactfully move the chair back to her desk. Swift and practiced execution she moved the chair back without a sound then twisted the lever handle down and let the door open up, "…Thanks." The faint creaking of humid wood aided in her previous lie, the old door could have really been stuck. She refused to look at him once the door was opened. Running her tongue against the torn flesh on the inside of her mouth that was just a layer of skin away from bleeding.

The blond teen had a wide grin on his face, "You're welcome," his grin fell as he looked her up and down, "Mom make you wear that?"

"I… I like it." Holly jolted as a car horn blared from outside, "Dad's getting impatient."

"Yeah." He sounded dispassionate and disappointed as he turned to go down the stairs, Holly following several feet behind.

Meeks Gulch was less a town than it was a large territory. The town portion – Meeksville – consisted of a post office, a shut-down black and white movie theater, Benny's diner, a volunteer school slash daycare, an old chapel, and a gas station slash general store. They had a local ranger station at the edge of Canyon's National Forest but there was no proper law enforcement in Meeks. The nearest proper functional town was roughly a three-hour drive of winding valley roads away on good sunny days. Nigh impossible in the winter to travel down.

Dotted around the large gulch area were mines of various kinds. Some were for coal, others for uranium, one for silver, and one for copper but the largest was for gold. It was the only reason the remote mountain town kept existing because it had yet to run out of precious metals. There used to be a lumber company, but mysterious occurrences kept befalling them and their equipment. Once they left it began to happen to the mines and miners until only the close-knit community remained to work. Companies that bid for the land would be protested heavily that they were affecting the national forest nearby and taking jobs away from the good citizens of Meeksville. Meeks citizens lived mostly in the deep dense woods that surrounded the town and every Friday the folks met on a patch of land owned by Mathis Spellman, their local religious leader.

Holly was nearly pressed to her side of the truck's cab, the backseat was cramped enough that her knees were pinned against the scratchy back of the driver's seat. The ride along the winding dirt road was bumpy and slow, by the time they arrived she was jittery to get out of the vehicle. Rushing from the backseat once it was pushed forward for her to crawl out the driver's side she went right to where the bathrooms were. A small cement building that was once part of a tourist campsite. It was the only thing that seemed out of place in the woods to her with its brutalist architecture, rusting blue tin roof, and sickly strange chemical smell that did nothing to hide bodily waste.

"Mom said if you puked again Dad wouldn't give you dinner, says it's a waste, like you." Johan was leaning against the side of the building waiting for her to come out and had spoken once she did.

Holly brushed at her hips and tugged the turtleneck's hem again, "I didn't… I just had to pee." It had been a long drive with no stops after all and there was bound to be a line for the small homestead.

Johan shrugged uncrossing his arms, "Dad thinks you did." And that would be the end of it, her father would not change his mind, "I'll sneak you something from Mathis's camp kitchen if you ask nicely."

Holly looked at him with pensive thought easily displayed on her face. She wanted to say: No. Yet the way he was smiling softly at her was panic-inducing and she balled her fists into the fabric of the turtleneck, "… Y-yes, please." Her eyes looked away to the trail they'd take to go back to the others.

"And?"

Holly cautiously took a step forward and gave him a peck on the cheek, meekly nearly whispering, "I love you." Lying… she was lying and now she did want to vomit.

"I know you do," Johan brushed his hand over her head, pushing back her frizzy hair, "because I'm the only one who will ever love you back." He took her hand and they walked through the woods back to the gathering.

It was later that evening with the sun low in the sky that she finally was able to eat something, Johan had indeed snuck that sandwich from Mathis's kitchen and they sat at a lakeside edge on a dead log. She hated it when he watched her eat but she was so hungry and like a starving wolf, the preteen devoured every scrap. It didn't matter what it tasted like.

From across the lakeside, they could see thick black smoking rising from where the gathering carried out their festivities and the faint wafting smell of sweet timber moss being burned.

Only when the door opened and Holly looked up, did she realize she was very hungry, craving flakey biscuits covered with velvety sausage gravy.