.
Perth and Kadien
Purple watched solemnly as Red stood in front of Miyuki and Spork's statues in the Citadel's memorial hall. It was the first time he'd ever seen his brother do so. Red hadn't even showed up there after they died. Purple had, but never his brother. "Red?" Purple asked, approaching his sibling worriedly. Red was quiet. "What are you doing here?"
"The same thing you do," Red replied.
"But you've never come before."
"Don't question it."
Purple tapped his fingers together uncertainly, then bowed his head. Soon after, he lifted it once more to look at the statues. "Could we have saved him that day?"
"No," Red said. "It was beyond anything even he was prepared for. Nothing we could have done would have been fast enough. It had him before anyone could even think to try and defend him." Purple was quiet. "It's taken me a long time to come to terms with that," Red finally added.
"Why the sudden change?" Purple asked.
"It's his lessons that kept me alive in that arena," Red said.
Purple was silent. "I wish I'd taken them more seriously," he soon said, voice quiet. "I wish I'd been as close to him as you were."
"Well I wish I'd taken Miyuki's lessons more seriously and that I'd been as close to her as you," Red said.
"Guess it's too late for regrets now, huh?" Purple said.
"Yeah," Red said. Silence a moment. "They cared about us both the same in the end, I think. It's just that I got along better with Spork and you got along better with Miyuki is all."
Purple was quiet. "The only time we ever called him dad was when we saw the blob grab him," he remarked quietly.
"And the only time we ever called Miyuki mom was before she went to Vort," Red said.
"Did you also get the horrifying feeling that if she left, she'd never come back?" Purple asked.
"Yeah. Big time… Almost didn't even say goodbye to her that day until that feeling started overwhelming me," Red said.
"Why?" Purple asked.
"An argument. I can barely remember what it was about anymore. It feels so petty now."
"Did either of us get a chance to say goodbye to… to dad?"
Red shook his head. "We didn't think there'd be a goodbye that day."
"Red? I think I miss them. Like, a lot. Sometimes," Purple said.
"Irkens aren't supposed to feel that sort of thing," Red said.
"Is it only me then?" Purple asked.
Red was quiet. "No," he finally said. "No, it isn't." He looked up at the statues again. "Goodbye, mom and dad," he said.
"Were they mom and dad?" Purple asked. "Did Spork sire us and Miyuki dam us?"
"Yeah. I think they did," Red said.
Purple was quiet for a moment. "We came out of a birthing pod."
"Conceived and implanted," Red said. "Probably to hide the fact she was ever pregnant, much less by a lesser like Spork. Traditional mating hasn't happened in Irk for centuries except in secret. And even then, the next step is almost always to implant into a birthing tube instead of actually doing the work. Parental units aren't a thing in our culture, remember? You send the smeet off to the smeetery and you've pretty well fulfilled your duty as a parent. It's not like you ever see the offspring again. Guess you and I are outliers in more ways than one. Miyuki and Spork too if they went to those kinds of lengths to keep tabs on us even after we were out of sight out of mind."
"Maybe they marked the birthing pod," Purple said, shrugging. "It's not like the cold unfeeling robot arm would have been able to identify a change in esthetic."
"How about we not go down that rabortus hole? It doesn't matter anymore anyway," Red said. "We're not supposed to be curious about stuff like that."
"But we are," Purple said. Red was quiet. "Red, are we de…"
"Don't," Red cut off slightly sharply. "Just don't."
"If we are then they were," Purple said.
"Purple, I'm not warning you again. Drop it," Red said, turning and floating away from the hall of the Tallest. Purple bowed his head and followed after him. For a while there was silence. "Within the next few weeks, we need to get back out into space and check up on the progress of Impending Doom Two," Red eventually said.
"Do we have to?" Purple uneasily asked. "What if Zim finds a way to hijack the Massive again like he did when we were on our way to Resortia?
"Then we deal with it like we did then."
"I say we travel in a straight line this time. Only a straight line," Purple said, crossing his arms.
"Were you that scarred?" Red dryly asked.
"You weren't?" Purple challenged. "He flew us through a star!"
"Don't remind me. Straight line it is, but we're not worrying about that right now," Red dryly said.
"Right. Because we have jobs to do," Purple said.
"And it's your time to shine this round. Meekrob is resurging," Red said.
"Is Invader Tenn still on it?" Purple asked.
Prisoner," Red replied.
"Do they expect to use her as a bargaining chip or something? They realize we don't care, right? She's just another invader in a lineup of hundreds," Purple said.
"You got over that little crush fast," Red said. Purple shifted a bit, a flush rising to his cheeks. "She's one of many, yeah, but she's also one of our best. Try to get her back, but if you can't, it is what it is."
Purple was quiet a beat. "It wasn't a crush," he soon said.
"Oh yes it was," Red flatly replied.
"My love life's none of your business," Purple said, turning his back on his brother and crossing his arms with eyes narrowed.
"I couldn't make a living off it for sure," Red said.
"Hey! You have even less of one!" Purple said, turning on him. "At least I had a… not… crush…" Red looked unimpressed. "It wasn't a crush!" Purple insisted.
"Too bad. She would have suited you."
"Really?" Purple hopefully asked.
"Of course not! Have you seen how short she is? You can do better. In fact, I'll make sure of it. No brother of mine is mating a small."
"No brother of yours is mating at all. Irkens don't have crushes or love interests. We don't need them! We don't even court or reproduce like other races anymore." Purple said.
"Tell it to Miyuki and Spork," Red said.
"That was… Never mind!" Purple replied. "Let's just deal with Meekrob and get this over with."
"This isn't something we just get done in a day. You know that."
"Watch and learn. Watch and learn. Now let's contact Meekrob," Purple said. Red smirked and nodded.
IZ
Purple and Red stood in front of the big screen, Red playing with a little action figure of himself like he'd been doing when they'd hailed the Resisty the first time they'd shown up. Eventually, the screen crackled to life. Loudly. Both Tallest winced and frowned. "Greetings, Tallest. You cut it close, didn't you?"
"Close?" Purple asked.
"Right. The time limit. Forgot about that," Red said.
"How do you forget a time limit? What was it for?" Purple asked.
"For how long Tenn had before she was executed," Red said.
Purple narrowed his eyes, unimpressed, then looked back at the Meekrobians. Meekrobites. Both forms were technically correct. "Fine. Let's talk about our invader."
"Not that she's all that important in the grand scheme of things," Red said.
"You've contacted us for her sake nonetheless," one of the two Meekrobians replied.
"Eh, it is what it is," Red said.
"And by that we mean we'll be working our best to get Invader Tenn back," Purple said, giving his brother an annoyed look. Red raised an eyebrow at him. Purple turned him around a bit rougher than necessary. "At least try to pretend like they have something we want."
"Why?" Red asked.
"So they don't cut their losses and run. We might still be able to turn this thing in our favour," Purple said. "Trust me."
"Fine. I'll shut up," Red said.
Purple nodded and the two turned back around. "Like I said, we're doing our best to get Invader Tenn back. My brother just needed to be reminded of that," Purple said.
"Your what?" the second Meekrobian asked. Red and Purple both narrowed their eyes and chose not to answer that. "Since when have sibling units existed among your kind?"
"Since us," Red replied.
"This explains a great deal that before was unexplained," the first Meekrobite said.
"Like what?" Purple warily asked.
"Your tolerance for one another to start," the second Meekrobite said.
"Hey!" Purple said.
"No, he has a point," Red said.
"Well no one asked you!" Purple replied.
"This way in which you bicker also. And how you couldn't tell one of you from the other if you switched garments and used contacts," the first Meekrobite said.
"And yet still somehow, some way, no one guesses we're twin brothers!" Red said.
"Irkens don't have family units," the second Meekrobian said. "They haven't truly existed among your kind for centuries. That's not an assumption. It's a statement of fact."
"We're not here to discuss Irken culture. We're here to discuss the freeing of Invader Tenn," Purple said.
"Your invader will be sent back to you alive when you withdraw from Meekrob," the first Meekrobian said.
"We know you're not dumb enough to actually believe we'd do that," Purple said. "If this is just gonna be us going around one another in circles, save yourselves the time and execute her. I know how this game works. Either she's already doomed with no chance of recovery, or there's actually a condition where you'll let her go."
"Do you want her back or don't you?" the second Meekrobite said.
"We want her back," Purple replied. "But the best you get from us is Meekrob buys itself a little more time before Impending Doom Two takes them out. I'm not gonna insult your intelligence by claiming we'll roll over for you to get our invader back. Her death just cuts down the time you have left significantly."
"You would not save her, yet you would avenge her?" the first Meekrobite said.
"If it falls in line with our plans," Purple replied. "It wouldn't be the first time." Gladitoria was on the list, after all.
"Honestly we do it more to avenge ourselves than them, but collectives and all that," Red said.
"We're just that superior," Purple said, nodding. "Really your options here are simple. Send her back and buy yourselves time, or execute her and be visited before the end of the month. Your call which way you wanna go."
"Why are we giving them time to collect themselves at all?" Red asked, frowning.
"Because we are," Purple said.
"So the crush didn't totally disappear after all," Red muttered under his breath. Purple nudged him hard in the side and gave him a scathing look. Red 'oomphed' and gave him a sharp look right back.
"There is no guarantee you would not strike immediately as soon as she was out of our grasps. So perhaps we will keep her," the first Meekrobian said.
"We're not gonna spare your planet for one invader," Purple said. "I mean, maybe if she was taller. Or important to us."
"Which she isn't," Red threw in.
"Yet here you are in discussion with us for her sake," the first Meekrobian said.
"We're going around in circles now. We told you why we're bothering already," Purple said.
"No. You didn't," the second Meekrobite said.
"We're humoring you out of idle curiosity," Purple said.
"And utter boredom," Red threw in.
"She was one of our best. We just wanted to see how she might have been done in," Purple added.
"Though we have a pretty solid guess," Red dryly said.
"He whose name shall not be spoken," Purple said, sagely nodding.
"Zim?" Tenn piped up.
"Execute her!" Purple ordered, pointing. The Meekrobians stared at them, unimpressed, and exchanged looks, then looked back at the two Tallest. "What?" Purple asked.
"Oh, we're sorry. Are we not supposed to command you?" Red asked. "Well get used to it!"
"Unless, y'know, you give Tenn back and somehow figure out what you're gonna do to combat the Irken armada in the little bit of extra time you'll get for setting her free," Purple said.
"You just told us to execute her," the first Meekrobite said.
"That should tell you just how little we care how this goes either way, but I mean… No, I'm not gonna bother saying it. You get the gist," Purple said.
"Free equals more time, executed equals less," Red summarized.
There was silence. The second Meekrobite looked at the first. "Execution?"
"No. Let her go," the first said. "A little extra time is all we'll need to decimate the Irken Empire."
Purple tensed up, frowning. Red glanced curiously at him, then turned back to the Meekrobians with a wary frown. This seemed too easy. Maybe that's what had Purple leery too. "On second thought, keep her," Red said. "Irk doesn't need failures."
"No. We don't think we will," the same Meekrobian replied before cutting the transmission.
IZ
Red and Purple were silent a beat. "You realize she can't come into Irken airspace now, right?" Red said.
"Send her to Zim," Purple sang.
"I'm serious, Pur. If she's a walking trap, that's a risk we can't take."
"I'm serious too. Send her to Zim. It's best for everyone that way. Hey, ever notice how much alike they look? Maybe we aren't the only Irken siblings out there."
"We were pure fluke, so that's doubtful," Red said.
"Doubtful, but not impossible," Purple said.
"Pretty close to it," Red replied. "Still, you aren't wrong about sending her off to Zim. Maybe they might even get somewhere. We'll feel it out, but she definitely can't come back to Irk."
"It'll be a couple of months before she enters our airspace anyway. We have plenty of time to stop her or figure something else out," Purple said, waving it off.
"So, use any of Miyuki's tricks in that little discussion?" Red asked.
"I mean, she always used to say 'speak with honey but don't be afraid to taint it with vinegar', so I just went with that," Purple said, shrugging.
"I never heard her say that."
"You never paid attention," Purple said with a frown. "She slipped it into almost every lesson she ever gave us. On some level you must have registered it. You do it too sometimes."
"I registered it on the same level you registered Spork's lessons," Red said. "Passably but not expertly."
"Fair enough," Purple replied. "So, what's next on the agenda?"
"Preparing for our next space trip is what," Red replied. "Perth is on the list. Not relishing that. So is Kadien."
"Hey, those are dangerous," Purple said. A beat. "Let's blow them up!"
"We should at least put on a show of being interested first," Red said.
"But that's no fun," Purple whined.
"Maybe they have halfway decent snacks," Red sang.
"To Kadien and Perth!" Purple exclaimed. "By the way, have we visited Arachnea at all?"
"No. That's another place on the list, but we can save it for some other time," Red said.
"Then let's head to Perth and Kadien. We should probably have the entire armada nearby when we go to Kadien, by the way. They like taking prisoners to torture," Purple said. "And Perth is really big on the slave thing. Like, worse than or as bad as us. At last check, they don't have an Irken in their collection. They really want one. Like, really, really badly."
"So we'll give them Zim," Red said flatly. "If we get lucky, they destroy each other."
"Speaking of Zim, it's been a long time since we heard from him. Maybe he's dead."
"Could we be that lucky?" Red asked.
"Maybe you're right," Purple said. "But hey, he's out of our antennae!"
"Thank goodness for that," Red said.
"Yeah. Let's go eat food," Purple said.
IZ
Purple and Red, munching on donuts and pretzels, watched out the window of the Massive as Perth came into view. "My Tallest, we're approaching Perth. Tallests Miyuki and Spork overthrew the capitol over one-hundred years ago. Shortly before you were smeeted. It snowballed into a war with Kadien. Tallest Spork almost didn't come back from that one, but they overthrew its capitol as well."
"Then why haven't they been conquered?" Purple asked.
"Because shortly after you were smeeted, Horrible Painful Overload Day happened and Irk was plunged into darkness for five years," the comms officer said. Red and Purple blinked blankly at him and exchanged looks. "By that time Kadien and Perth had strengthened their alliances and it was overall more trouble than it was worth, in Tallest Miyuki's eyes. Especially when…" The comms officer immediately cut himself off.
"When what?" Red questioned warily.
The comms officer shifted a bit, looking back at them. "When she had two smeets to think about protecting? Whose sire probably wouldn't have come back from that battle."
They blinked at him then started to feel uncomfortable. "How much about them don't we know?" Purple asked.
"This all happened when you were very young, My Tallest. Still in the education center. Until Horrible Painful Overload Day Part Two happened and smeets couldn't be trained down there for four more years. You went back to your sire and dam then."
"If they were our parents, call them our parents," Red said.
The comms officer blinked and grimaced a little. "They were your parents," he defeatedly said.
"So why the secrecy? Never mind. What are we looking at on Perth? What mess did they leave behind that we have to clean up?" Red asked.
"The Emperor might still be alive. His friend, the King of Kadien, was killed though, so he's likely still bitter about that. He probably made friends with the new ruler of Kadien on top of that who I'd guess was a relative of the old king, so you have a vengeful friend and a vengeful family member to contend with in dealing with the two planets," the comms officer said.
Purple and Red looked at each other. "Can we blow it up yet?" Purple asked. "I mean, we're great at that."
"He's a connection to mom and dad," Red said.
Purple perked up a little, eyes widening ever so slightly. "But-but you've never been interested in them before."
"The near-death experience on Gladitoria changed a few things," Red said.
"Should I announce our presence, sirs?" the comms officer asked.
"Do it," Red replied, pointing. The comms officer saluted and did so. Red and Purple turned to the window which became a screen. Soon the Emperor appeared, staring darkly at them. He started when he saw them. "You're not Miyuki and Spork."
"We're better," Purple boasted. "We're just calling to tell you we're gonna blow you up. Probably. It depends on how this conversation goes."
"Blow us up and you invite all-out war. Kadien, Arachnea, Hobos One through Nine, Meekrob, Gladitoria, Blorch… the list goes on. The Irken Empire, after all, isn't the only empire out there."
"Blorch is history. So are the Hobos. You're out of the loop it seems," Red said.
"Who are you?" the Emperor warily asked.
"Red and Purple, Irks Tallests," Red said.
"Brothers no doubt. Twins?"
"Hey, he actually guessed right," Purple said to Red. "That's a point in his favour."
"Are you of Miyuki's stock and Spork's?" the Emperor asked.
"Wait. How do you know that?" Purple asked.
"You remind me far too much of them," the Emperor bitterly replied.
"How so?" Purple asked.
"Your mannerisms and ways of speech," the Emperor said.
"Let me guess. Purple Miyuki, me Spork," Red said.
"In speech mannerisms the opposite, actually," the Emperor said. Red and Purple's eyes widened a bit, and they stared at him blankly. "Interesting. I assume, then, that in other ways the opposite is true. Tell me, how did they die?"
"Like we'd give you the satisfaction," Red coldly replied.
"Hmm… I can't say I'm surprised they coupled," the Emperor said.
"Are you ready to give in to Irk's demands or are we invading you?" Purple asked.
"By all means, try to invade us," the emperor coldly replied, smirking a dark little smirk.
"Something doesn't seem right here," Purple said.
"Perth welcomes the challenge," the emperor said, spreading out his arms. "In fact, why not come yourselves and really make things interesting?"
"Because we're not idiots?" Red dryly replied. "Look, give in easy or go down hard. Your choice."
"I would like to meet the offspring of Miyuki and Spork."
"You're meeting them," Red said.
"They were worthy opponents."
"The way we hear it, they wiped you. Kadien too," Red said.
A dark scowl began to spread across the Emperor's face, but he regained his temper quickly enough. "I extend to you the same bargain I gave your mother. An Irken for a treaty," the Emperor said.
"Which one?" Purple asked. The crew stiffened up, eyes widening a bit, and looked immensely uncomfortable.
"You're of much more giving dispositions than your mother," the emperor said. Purple and Red started, shifted a bit, and exchanged uncomfortable looks before turning back to the emperor with frowns.
"I mean, either way you're getting swept eventually," Purple said.
"With one of your own on the planet?" the emperor asked.
"There's plenty of Irkens to go around," Red replied.
"My Tallest?" the comms officer said.
"What now?" Red testily demanded.
"It really won't be worth it to bargain. The last time he asked for an Irken, he suggested Tallest Miyuki give him then-Commander General Spork. Then suggested she offer herself if she was unwilling to give him. Perth doubled down and asked for Commander Spork's head when Tallest Miyuki refused to give him up and tried for another bargain instead," the comms officer said.
"He's not asking for one of us this time," Red replied.
"My Tallest, the Massive requires all crew to run!" the comms officer said, determined to save his crew. "And if we're going to Kadien next, you'll want the whole of the Armada at the ready besides."
"Man you're a buzz kill," Purple replied.
"You haven't been on Perth," the comms officer bluntly said. Red and Purple exchanged incredulous looks. "They're as big on slaves as Irk is and probably crueller in how they treat them. At least in some regards."
"Well that's not gonna be our problem," Purple replied.
"Hold on. It might become ours," Red said. "Irkens are good at taking charge and getting out of tight situations. If one manages to lead some kind of slave revolt and actually succeeds, it could mean another Resisty after our heads."
"Hey, I have an idea!" Purple said.
"A good one?" Red dubiously asked. Purple leaned in and whispered in his ear. Red's eyes widened a bit and he looked at his brother in disbelief. Purple nodded practically. Red frowned and turned to Perth's Emperor. "Give us a moment," he said, cutting off transmission. He looked at the Comms Officer. "Get Invader Tenn online!"
The comms officer looked puzzled, then seemed to catch on, eyes widening. Nodding, he quickly went to do so. It wasn't long before Invader Tenn popped up looking dejected. "My Tallest?" Tenn asked defeatedly.
"You're going to Perth to play a slave," Purple said. She started, blinking at them. "Wow that came out all kinds of weird."
"You're a walking booby trap, Tenn. You can't come back to Irken airspace. We were gonna just send you to Zim, but we have something better in mind," Red said.
"A sort of redemption. Invade Perth. Act as a slave since they want an Irken in exchange for a treaty, and conquer it from the inside," Purple said.
"Invade Perth? Y-yes, My Tallest! Of course! I'll do my very best! Oh thank you, thank you, thank you!"
"Good. Now if you're booby-trapped in some way, Perth gets it instead of Irk and Meekrob hurts their own ally," Red said.
"Other than that, do what you have to, to keep alive and out of the Emperor's hands. No clue what he's gonna do to an Irken," Purple threw in.
"I'm ready, My Tallest," Tenn said, saluting. Purple smirked a little at her.
Red turned to the comms officer. "Sign off and get Perth back online," he ordered. The comms officer did so and set about trying to get through to Perth again. Red gave his brother a look. "What's with the smirk?" he asked.
"I like her," Purple said. He frowned a little, looking at Red. "But not like a crush. She's a good invader. Ambitious too. And enthusiastic."
"So's Zim and you don't smirk at him," Red said flatly.
"Well yeah, but Zim's completely crazy," Purple said.
"They were probably cloned from the same DNA. They could be siblings in that sense. You could end up his brother-in-law," Red teased.
"It's not a crush! Also don't even joke about that. I'm not Zim's anything," Purple replied.
The Emperor came back online and Red and Purple looked towards him. "We offer you Invader Tenn," Red said.
"Only not as an invader!" Purple quickly said. "As a slave. We'll send her to you right away."
"You are more accommodating than your parents," the Emperor said, sounding somewhat impressed. "Very well. We will accept."
"Good. Consider it a gift of goodwill between us," Purple said. He motioned for the comms officer to cut transmission, and he did so. "Well, that's one problem planet down the drain. On to Kadien!"
"You're sure Tenn is going to be able to handle it?" Red asked.
"I mean, she'd better. One failure is bad enough, but two? Next time we just leave her to her fate."
"We might have to send in Skoodge," Red said with a grimace.
"Didn't we exile him? Who knows where he went?"
"He'll come crawling back at a summons. They always do," Red said, brushing it off.
"Make for Kadien!" Purple ordered.
"Are you sure about this, sirs? They're quite prone to leaping to war you know, and if their king is looking for revenge, well…" the comms officer said.
"We'll deal with it," Red said.
"If you say so, sirs," the comms officer uncertainly said. "But they are the ones who nearly killed your father."
"Was everyone and their canid after our father?" Red flatly asked.
"Being the top military General of a super empire bent on taking over the universe doesn't exactly win you friends," the comms officer said. "He was top prize since the Tallest was off-limits. That changed a little once he became Second Tallest, but even then Gladitoria went after him. Your mother also, but your father was the one who attempted to take up the challenge."
"Second Tallest?" Red asked.
"That's what they called him after he and Tallest Miyuki were married," the comms officer said.
"That would explain why he had so much say in everything," Red said.
"He had that before the marriage. Miyuki, Tallest Miyuki, had already made him her co-Tallest in all but name by then," the comms officer said.
"How do you know so much about our parents?" Purple suspiciously asked.
"I served under them as well, My Tallest," the comms officer said. "I knew Tallest Spork extremely well."
"Do you know what he thought about me?" Purple vulnerably asked.
The comms officer blinked at him. "We're not going there right now, Pur," Red said, glaring at the ground.
"There's nothing to hide, My Tallest," the comms officer said. He looked at Purple. "Spork felt guilty he could never connect with you like Miyuki could. You were more like him than I think you know. That's probably part of the reason he had such trouble with it. He barely knew how to handle himself," the comms officer said. He looked to Red. "The same can be said for you and Tallest Miyuki, Sir. When all was said and done, you were both actually quite the balanced blend of the two."
"Really?" Purple asked.
"I wouldn't have said it if it wasn't so," the comms officer replied. Red and Purple exchanged looks then lapsed into silence, contemplating the officer's words as the armada made for Kadien.
IZ
Red and Purple stared in disbelief at the Kadien fleet floating in space awaiting their arrival. "How did they…?" Purple began.
"Perth," Red said, eyes narrowing. "Perth probably let them know we were around."
"Well that's just great," Purple said. He looked at the comms officer. "Contact the ruler so we can talk to him."
"I'm trying, My Tallest," the comms officer gravely said, expression determined. "We're through!"
The screen crackled to life revealing a very, very unimpressed-looking Kadien king. "Call down your fleet if you're smart," Red said flat out.
"So, you are the sons of Miyuki and Spork," the Kadien king remarked. "The Perthling emperor had warned me I would be dealing with children, but clever ones."
"We're not children! We're one-hundred-sixty!" Purple protested.
"Way to tell him, Pur," Red sarcastically said.
"Juveniles and adolescents are still children," the Kadien king replied. "Much like the ones your parents killed."
"Well maybe Kadien shouldn't have tried to torture and kill Irkens," Purple replied.
"Maybe Irkens should have stuck to their own space," the king replied.
"Well we didn't, so deal with it," Red said.
"Oh, I plan to. You may not be your parents, but you'll be the next best thing."
"We're not aiming for war here," Red said.
"Irkens seeking peace?" the king incredulously asked.
"More like unconditional surrender," Purple said.
"Treaty! He means treaty," Red said.
"Right. Treaty," Purple said.
"We will tear you two apart and send one to Perth as a gift. The other will be tortured like we tortured your father, only there'll be no escaping from me," the king said.
"Death wish. Got it. Organic sweep Kadien!" Purple ordered.
"Hold it!" Red said. "We'll organic sweep them later. Right now it's more trouble than it's worth. We have a protocol for trouble planets."
"He threatened to capture and torture us!" Purple argued.
"He doesn't stand a chance against the Irken Armada," Red said. He pressed a comms button. "Advance!" he commanded simply. The Irken Armada slowly began to converge, surrounding the Massive like a swarm of insectoids. Red smirked a bit. "Wanna tell us again how you're gonna tear us apart?"
"Advance!" the Kadien King ordered. Kadien's ships began to move forward against, forming a long and fortified line.
Red frowned a little. This was more resistance than he was used to meeting. Purple gave him an inquisitive look. Red considered the situation. "You're going to doom them if you try this," Red warned. "There's no enemy ship in existence that can take on the Massive."
"It's suicide to try," Purple added, nodding.
"What about an armada?" the Kadien King replied.
"Not with an armada all our own backing us," Purple said. "It's bigger than yours. Everything Irk has is superior."
"Miyuki and Spork fortified it extra nice for us," Red added.
"Not that we didn't have a hand in it ourselves, but y'know, they did most of the work," Purple said.
"But only because they ruled so much longer. We'll surpass even them one day," Red said.
"We're the best," Purple finished, nodding. "If you wanna start a war here and now, that's on you."
"We've had far longer to prepare for your return than you've had to prepare for our retaliation," the King said.
"Irk is always ready for war," Red said.
"Really. Don't test us," Purple added.
"You're so very sure of yourselves," the Kadien King said.
"It's not like it's without reason," Purple replied. "I mean, look at us."
"Which of you will break first I wonder?" the Kadien King asked.
"Oh, one hundred percent Pur," Red said.
"Hey!" Purple protested.
"Not that you can break ones as superior as us," Red added.
"But if you do, you'd better hope it's Red that makes it out alive instead of me," Purple said in that menacing tone of his. It wasn't often he took it, but when he did, he meant business. Sometimes it even gave Red chills. Especially on the rare occasion it was directed at him.
"Oh really? Strange to claim as much when it's well established that Tallest Red is the one who is the force to be reckoned with. At best you're just the tagalong," the Kadien king replied.
"You really wanna mess around and find out just how accurate that rumor actually is?" Red challenged, eyes narrowing.
"Yeah. We rule together," Purple said.
"And one of us is a lot better at holding grudges and acting on them than the other, so you really don't want to tick him off," Red said.
"The weak link is still the weak link," the Kadien king said.
"There is no weak link between us. We just hold up different loads," Red said.
"That's right," Purple said, nodding with arms crossed.
"Oh it will be a delight to have you both prisoners. We'll see where your synergy gets you then," the Kadien King replied.
"Are we going to keep talking or do something?" Purple asked. "I mean, at this point we either fight or go our separate ways." The Kadien king was quiet, considering this. "Someone's gotta call the other's bluff," Purple pressed.
"If you're so confident, Tallest Purple, then go on the attack," the Kadien king replied.
"The same can be said for you, but if you wanna play the game this way, we're just gonna leave," Purple said.
"Cowards," the Kadien King said.
"No. There are just more efficient ways to get rid of a problem than diving into battle," Purple said.
"You speak of your invaders," the Kadien King said.
"We're not speaking of anything," Purple said.
"Your invader will be found, Tallests," the king said.
"What are the odds of Tak being able to suck their core dry and fill it with snacks like she planned to do to Earth?" Purple asked, looking at Red.
"Slim, but I mean, it's not like she has anything better to do. She wants to prove she's worthy of being called an invader anyway, so why not? She might as well prove herself with this," Red said.
"Discussing plots in front of me won't unnerve me you know," the Kadien king said.
"Who's unnerving?" Purple asked. "Not like you're gonna see her coming."
"Congratulations. You're marked for Organic Sweep," Red said. "We'll see you in a few months."
"You had best hope your ship is as sturdy as you believe," the Kadien king said.
"I mean, it flew through the center of a star and came out almost unscathed, so we're pretty confident it is," Red said.
"Concentrate all fire on the Massive. Bring it down," the Kadien King ordered, looking offscreen.
"Man you're gutsy," Purple said. He cried out in surprise along with Red as suddenly the Massive was rocked to the core.
"My Tallest, we're being fired on!" the comms officer said.
"No kidding!" Purple replied, falling to the ground with Red.
"Return fire!" Red ordered. The comms officer put out the alert to the Armada who immediately began to do so. "You asked for this, Kadien! Now it's your funeral!" Red furiously shouted at the screen.
"What's that weird glow on the planet's surface?" Purple uneasily asked. Red blinked, looking, and his eyes widened a bit.
"Fire the plasma laser!" the Kadien King ordered. The Kadien armada parted, still focusing fire on the Massive, and suddenly the laser in question struck and alerts immediately went off as the Massive began to topple from the sky!
"Sirs, we've lost our thrusters!" the comms officer exclaimed in alarm as the Massive continued to topple.
"Well get them back!" Purple insisted, tumbling through the air with Red and most of the others on board except those who'd managed to brace in time.
"We're trying, but the power core was damaged too! The automatic repair systems won't activate!" the comms officer said.
"You've gotta be kidding!" Purple exclaimed. He and Red tumbled into each other and cried out in pain, dropping. Red shook his head and scowled, jumping at the controls and quickly starting to type away. "What are you doing?!" Purple demanded.
"I'm running the manual repair sequence," Red replied. "We have drones for this kind of situation!"
"Aren't there backup thrusters? There's no way Miyuki overlooked something like that, right?!" Purple demanded, pulling himself up with the panel.
"They've knocked out the entire backup array! Kadien knew exactly where to hit," Red said.
"But how? You'd need detailed plans for the Massive to even guess at that! Who could possibly…?" Purple began.
"Resisty," Red darkly said, scowling. "Resisty!" he furiously shouted, shaking his fist at the air.
Elsewhere, the Resisty laughed as they watched the chaos unfold.