Hagrid awoke to the sound of an owl pecking at his window. Dumbledore stirred slightly before nuzzling back into his lover's chest, wrapping his arms around Hagrid's massive hairy gut. "Shh, back to sleep me kitten" Hagrid whispered into the wizard's ear. Hagrid rose slowly, careful not to disturb Albus too much before opening the window, accepting the letter attached to the bird's leg. "Thank ye lil' friend," Hagrid whispered to the beautiful creature of the night.
Dear Albus, my love,
It's been fifty years, and not a night has gone by where you have escaped my dreams. Every morning I wake to the pain of remembering you're no longer with me, and I weep, and I cry, and I rage in anger at the fates for tearing us apart.
I miss you Albie, to say the least.
My parole hearing is set for this coming Thursday, I have set plans in motion for that day to ensure my freedom. If I succeed, then by nightfall, I will be outside your door. I pray you'll still be waiting for me my sweet Albie.
If not, I will simply leave and return myself to Azkaban, for I cannot live a free moment more in this world without you, without our love.
Forever yours,
Gellert Grindelwald
Hagrid's heart beat fast in his chest. "Grindy," He breathed in shock, before quickly running to the wardrobe, pulling on his best brown trousers. Albus awoke. "Hagrid? What are you doing my sweet giant of a man?" The old wizard croaked with sleep still lingering in his voice. "Errr, worry not love, a dragon needs tending to down near the forest!" Hagrid lied. "Go back to sleep."
Dumbledore smiled groggily, "Alright darling." And returned to his slumber. Hagrid planted a quick peck on the man's forehead before donning his usual outfit and dashing out of the room, parchment clutched tightly in his giant fist.
Hagrid hurriedly dashed through the castle halls, the cold morning air piercing his lungs as he went. His destination was the grand entrance to Hogwarts, undoubtedly where Grindlewald would be waiting. He arrived, his breaths heavy and ragged. His eyes immediately locked on the short, frail wizard clad in prisoner rags.
Hagrid felt anger and rage swell within his large hairy chest. He could barely believe this old, frail-looking wizard was responsible for the love of his life's past pain and torment. Yet, there was a twink of admiration and lust in his chest, for the wizard still had the look of a mighty beast despite his appearance.
Grindelwald looked up, making eye contact with the large and hairy beast that stood above him. "My, what a strange little puppy, all scruffy and cute." His German accent was as sharp as a blade, cutting through Hagrid's flufly ears like butter.
Hagrid growled like a boar in warning. He didn't have time for games with the darkest wizard to ever live. He held the note in Grindelwald's sight. "How dare ye!" Hagrid barked angrily, balling the parchment up and squeezing it tightly with his giant fists.
"Dumbie is mine! He be happy with me! He has no need for ye evil wizr'd." Hagrid continued to growl as Grindelwald just smirked up at him, tilting his head as he looked Hagrid's muscular form over with intrigue. "An angry, handsome boy aren't you? Like a large rabid beast." He mused, not in the least put off by the show of bravado.
"My, what thick thighs you have, like tree trunks they are."
Grindelwald pulled forth from his prisoner garb a crooked, gnarled wand. "A quick little disintegration spell and I can be on my way to seeing beautiful Albus." His wand hand hovered, ready to draw.
"Ya would think a bunch o' bumbling auror's could stop an ol' stick." Hagrid let out.
Grindelwald chuckled, looking Hagrid directly in the eye, smirking devilishly. "A little one-on-one duel, just the two of us. Your impressive masculinity versus mine own magical excellency, does that seem fair to you Hagrid?" The gamekeeper's pupils shrank in fury. He let the balled-up note fall to the floor. Grindlewald readied his wand, standing firm against Hagrid's intimidating form.
In an instant Hagrid moved, his legs coiling tightly and launching his massive body forward, arm raised back. Time seemed to slow down for Hagrid, allowing him to watch in wonder as the confused face of Grindelwald attempted to process what happened. Hagrid's massive balled fist slammed straight into the pale wrinkled wizard's face, an explosive burst of energy flaring at the point of contact.
Hagrid had told the world nothing- but in secret, he had spent many a passionate night with his elderly lover learning the ways of primal magic. His fists could now tear stone in twain, shatter bone as easily as twig. Grindelwald was instantly rendered unconscious as the wild punch connected with his face. The Germanic wizard's limp form hung in the air a moment, before tumbling down the front stairs with a comedically cartoony trail of cartoon stars. His frail form crumpled with a sickening thud upon the gravel. Hagrid followed the tumble, huffing with fury and rage like a feral animal before his body collapsed on Grindelwald's prone figure.
"Nobody is stealin' me Albus," Hagrid let out with his haggard breaths.
"Wrong!" Grindlewald screamed,
From under Hagrid's giant hairy balls, the tiny pricks of Grindelwald's wand poked out from Hagrid's nutcracking testicles like pins, and with a cry of "Stupify", shot a bolt of purple lightning that pierced Hagrid's baby maker. A blue and green colored light exploded out from Hagrid's loins.
"Bastar'd." He screamed as his penis flopped free from his destroyed pants. A deafening thunder roared in his eardrums as Grindelwald disapparated under his form. Hagrid stood, still on his feet. He clenched his teeth, feeling the heat swell within his shattered nutsack.
"Bombarda Maxima!" the old prisoner let out with a throat-splitting scream.
Nearly a dozen explosions rocked the floor around Hagrid, but the man entered his primal rage mode and flashed through to the side of Grindelwald, blood oozing from his cumtube like lava as he ran. In a last-ditch effort the old warlock fired a Fiendfyre from his crooked wand-
A flame wreath appeared around the gamekeeper like the circle of Hell, Hagrid merely walked through the flames and punched his massive fist down upon the warlock's cranium. The old man was knocked out instantly.
Hagrid chuckled, looking down upon the sleepy wizard, "All bark and no bite." as Hagrid chomped down his teeth to show his strong giant bite.
Suddenly, Dumbledore came running out of the Hogwarts main entrance, his nightgown swishing in the cold Scottish air. "What on earth is happening?" he cried.
"Don't worry me kitten," Hagrid reassured. "This man wanted tah kill me, kill our love." Hagrid spat the last words. "I put an end to the scoundral."
Dumbledore's pupils took the shape of little hearts. "Oh Rubes! My brave brave boy! My huge, virile guard dog!" Dumbledore gleefully ran towards Hagrid, planting kisses all over the hairy man.
And so the two lovers lived happily ever after, forever joined in bestial bliss. And who knows, maybe there would be some threesome fun involved in their future, a story for another day.
The End.