Chapter 9
Confessions
"Hm? Wha…?"
Nishida's voice finally brought Majima back down to earth. His subordinate was looking at him with concern in his eyes.
"Are you alright, sir?"
"Er, yeah. I'm fine," Majima answered sheepishly. Only now did he notice the documents that had been placed in front of him on the table.
Nishida raised an eyebrow at his boss's reply.
"A-Are you sure? It feels like I've been talking in circles, while you've been staring into space the whole time. Sir."
It was a punch to the gut, but Majima decided to let it slide. Nishida was right — he had completely no idea what he had been saying to him. He had been too preoccupied with thinking about the next day, it being when he was to have a dinner date with Tsuki. The hours seemed to stretch out into eternity, and the fact that, at some point, his excitement had turned into pure anxiety did not help things in the slightest.
"Run it by me one more time, would ya?"
Nishida seemed flabbergasted. He had probably expected a chaste remark or an irritated outburst instead, but he was smart enough not to look a gift horse in the mouth. Heaving a sigh, he explained everything again from the beginning, this time making sure his boss was paying attention.
The sun had already sunk beneath the horizon when Majima made his way towards the Yoshida Batting Center. He needed to blow off steam and this was the best thing he could think of, what with so few people nowadays who would dare to stop him in the streets looking for a fight. For a short while, he had considered getting in touch with Saejima to invite him for a batting session, or even for a friendly bout, but decided against it in the end. With the state he was in, his sworn brother would inevitably notice something was troubling him and Majima did not feel like spilling his guts to him if he could avoid it. The fact that he did not want to tell him about Tsuki — at least, not yet — was an entirely separate matter altogether. For the time being, the fewer people knew about her, the better. Not like there was anything to write home about between them yet, anyway. Will that have changed by the time the following day was over? The thought only caused the knot in his stomach to tighten.
Stepping into the Yoshida Batting Center, he hoped against hope that a few rounds at the batting cages would provide him with some clarity, allow him to figure out what exactly he wanted to do from that point onwards. This time around, however, the numerous times he had frequented the venue and how skilled at batting he had become worked against him. His practiced swings and quick reflexes left him in fact with more freedom to think than he had expected. He scoffed at the realization — he should have known from the start that batting would not preoccupy him enough to take his mind off of what was bothering him. But, at the very least, it did seem to provide a measure of release from the physical tension he was feeling.
With each ball he struck, he knocked away yet another sensible argument his mind was giving him against following down the path his heart wanted to set him on. This was no longer merely about physical attraction or about satisfying his curiosity simply for the fun of it. It would have been much easier if that was still the case. Instead, he yearned to know everything about her, and the scraps of information about her life she had thus far given him only fueled this desire further. He wanted to understand her, to find out exactly what had made her into who she was. It was foolish of him, perhaps even greedy, but he hoped that one day he could become someone important enough to her that she would let him in, allow him to see her for who she really was at her very core. There was, however, one significant rub in all that. He could not ignore the strong probability that, if it ever came to that, she would expect the same from him in return. Just like her, he had his own share of painful secrets he would rather stay buried. Sharing them with her, even without going into needless detail, scared the living daylights out of him. The less she knew about him, the better off she would be — at least, that was what he would have liked to think. How could he expect her to be honest with him, to put her trust in him despite it having been broken once already by someone in the past, if he was unable to lay bare his own truths before her in return? With all his heart, he wanted to believe that she would understand; that she would not decide to push him away the moment she found out just how broken he really was.
He recalled their conversation from last time. And, although breaking it all off and going back to the way things had been before that fateful September night seemed like the most sensible thing to do, he wanted to try. For what could very well prove to be the last time in his life — he wanted to try. Even if it turned out to be just a pipe dream in the end, if he backed out now, he would never know. There was some truth in what she had told him — sometimes, it was better to have a clear view of where things stood, lest the unknown end up eating away at one's soul long after the events of the present have crossed the event horizon of becoming an irrecoverable part of the past.
With the autumn days growing shorter as they were, it was already dark when Majima entered the alley where Kyushu No. 1 Star was located. Although it was just before six p.m., one would think it was already late evening. For a mercy, the recent good weather seemed to be holding that day as well. The falling temperature made the urge to take shelter and while away the hours at small and cozy restaurants nibbling at something warm and tasty all the more enticing.
He had barely eaten anything since the previous day, but did not feel hungry, as though the growing anxiety before their meeting was more than enough to keep him on his feet. Even if it meant he would have to force it, he had to overcome this feeling, he thought, or the whole reason for his inviting her out would have been pointless. Perhaps he should have canceled it altogether, let things stay the way they were. He already had more things on his plate to worry about and keep him busy — why the hell was he adding fuel to the fire like an idiot, pursuing something that, deep inside, he felt could never be?
It was too late now, however. Before he had the time to pull out and light a cigarette, he noticed a lone figure enter the alley from the opposite direction. He took a deep breath and exhaled slowly in a last-ditch effort to calm down. It was Tsuki alright; judging by her confident stride and the smile that appeared on her face when she saw him, she appeared entirely calm and composed — the exact opposite of how he had been feeling inside. She stopped in front of him and they exchanged their usual greetings.
"What are ya lookin' at me like that for?" Majima tilted his head, noting how she had taken a measure of him as she approached.
"Phew… I've gotta say, I'm relieved," she chuckled, leaving him at a bit of a loss.
"Relieved? The hell 'bout?"
"The fact that you're also wearing your usual clothes," she smiled a little awkwardly. "Only after I'd arrived did it occur to me I might make a fool of myself for not dressing up. But if I went shopping, I wouldn't have made it in time. I'm glad it didn't come to that, though."
"Pfft. Naw, don't worry 'bout it. Ain't like we're goin' anywhere fancy," he dismissed it with a wave of the hand. "Don't need to dress up when it's just one friend casually invitin' another for some food, right?"
He wasn't entirely sure why he had worded it like he had — perhaps it had been a simple slip of the tongue. He should have called it what it was… or, what he hoped it was, but he had panicked. He observed her, wondering how she would react. Without any visible sign of disappointment, she met his words with a cheerful smile.
"I'm glad you see it that way, actually. Any other guy would've probably showed up dressed to the nines, imagining who knows what. I don't particularly like being put on the spot like that, so thanks for not making this weird."
Her response was like hearing the sound of nails scraping on a chalkboard. It felt like she had just emptied a bucket of ice-cold water over his head and it made his heart sink to the pit of his stomach. If she was hiding her real feelings, then she was doing a damn good job of it. Or, maybe, a friend really was what he was to her. Nothing more, nothing less. He had told himself numerous times that it would be enough — and yet, hearing her say it out loud like that hurt.
"Anyway, shall we go inside?" Her voice pulled him out of his thoughts. "No point standing around talking when we can do it over steaming-hot bowls of ramen."
"Yeah. Good point."
He decided to put what had just happened out of his mind. This was only the beginning of their time together that day. Whichever way it ended up going, he would make the best of it and enjoy every moment while he still could.
Cheerfully greeted by the owner upon entering, they took a seat at one of the small tables that stood along the wall across from the counter. Staring at the menu blankly, wholly unfocused on what was written on it, Majima gave Tsuki some time to consider her choice.
"Whaddya feel like?"
"Well… Everything here is great, but I think I'll go with chashu today. You?"
"Good choice. I'll have the same."
Having ordered two bowls of chashu tonkotsu ramen, Majima took the initiative to make small talk.
"Seein' as ya seem to have tried everythin' here, ya must really like ramen, huh?"
"No more than the next person, I'd say… Okay, maybe a little more. You don't?"
"Naw. There ain't really anythin' I don't like. Thought maybe it's yer favorite, seein' as this was the first place ya chose."
"Hmm… I wouldn't say it's my favorite, but it's up there, I guess." Tsuki paused to think for a moment. "Now that you mention it, I couldn't tell you what my absolute favorite food is. I usually eat whatever I feel like at the time and there isn't really any one thing I feel I could eat all the time."
"Oh? If it's so hard for ya to choose a favorite, then maybe ya have somethin' ya dislike?"
"Something I don't like, huh? Let's see… I guess I'm not too fond of sashimi. Raw fish doesn't do it for me, for some reason."
"Maybe ya just never had real quality sashimi. I know a few places that could potentially change yer mind. I could take ya to one of 'em some time — an' if ya still don't like it, you'll know it just ain't yer thing."
"Oh, I couldn't," she shook her head with a smile. "Those places are probably super expensive. It would feel like I'm taking advantage of you. I'm already starting to feel bad that I pretty much talked you into paying for today."
"Aw, c'mon, no need for ya to feel bad. It was my idea in the first place — how'd it look if I had ya pay for it?"
"I guess you're right… Today's the last time, though."
Hearing this, Majima tensed up.
"The last time…?"
"The last time I let you pay for a meal, at least for some time. It's not like I don't enjoy free food, but considering the drinks you buy when you come to Stray, it's the least I can do."
"Right. In that case, I'm gonna ask for water next time I'm there," Majima chuckled.
"That's not what I mean!" she pouted, but could not stop a grin from winning through. "And I'm not trying to emasculate you or anything… It's just that I don't want you to think I'm always looking to cash in on us going somewhere. I know some girls are more than okay with doing that, but I think it's just lame."
Just as she said that, their food arrived, the mouth-watering smell of the broth and slices of roast pork wafting from the two large bowls now in front of them nigh irresistible. Waiting for the piping-hot soup to cool down enough to not burn their mouths was proving an almost impossible task.
"I ain't even once thought that was what ya were doin', y'know," Majima continued their talk from before the brief interruption.
"That's good to hear. Even so, I thought it would be better to nip the idea in the bud before you had a chance to start suspecting me of it."
"Aren't ya overthinkin' this a bit? If ya wanted to dupe me, ya woulda probably chosen an expensive restaurant somewhere else in town — not a ramen joint in Kamurocho."
"I could always start small, then work my way up to more fancy stuff, right?" she smirked in response.
Majima chuckled, picking up on her teasing tone.
"Oh? For a girl claimin' not to be in it for the free food, ya seem to have it all figured out."
"Well, that's just what I'd do to not make it so obvious from the start — but, like I said, that's not what I'm doing."
"Still, guess I better watch out, just in case ya change yer mind at some point."
"I wouldn't worry about it," she laughed. "I've never done it before and I'm not about to start doing it now. Anyway, enough about that — let's eat!"
They dug in, having expressed their gratitude for the meal before them. Every now and then, Majima would secretly glance up at her, but not even once did she do the same, wholly focused on the dish in front of her. She seemed happy, though, a small smile playing at the corners of her mouth all throughout. All he could hope for was that the ramen was not the sole reason behind it.
Being with her like this, seeing how relaxed she was around him compared to back when they had just met, all his worries were gradually fading away — and the pressure he had felt before to try to feel out the limits of their bond was dissipating along with them. He decided he would not force it. Whatever would happen would happen — the best he could do was to wait and see, letting himself be caught up in the moment in the meantime.
"I've been curious about something, you know," she spoke up after a while, taking a break from eating.
"Hm?"
"Was there ever a time when you weren't in the business?"
"Haw?..." he raised his eyebrows at her question. "Gotta say, that ain't somethin' I expected ya to ask me… Makes me wonder how yer mind works sometimes. There a reason behind it?"
"Not really. I've heard of people becoming yakuza after doing something else entirely for a living, so I thought that maybe it was the same for you."
He studied her face for a spell, considering how much he wanted to reveal to her.
"Well… Ya could say I've pretty much been a lifer ever since I came of age. I had some breaks here an' there, though."
"Breaks?" she raised an eyebrow. "I thought that when it comes to the yakuza, you're either in or out. Never heard of someone being able to take breaks from it and then come back."
"Wasn't by choice," he scoffed. "Shit happened some time after I'd joined an'... I got roped into runnin' a business as a civilian for a while. Had to work my ass off to get back into the game an' even then, it wasn't exactly smooth sailin'."
"You must've really pissed off your boss if he basically kicked you out. What did you do?"
"Somethin' he didn't like," he grimaced.
"Okay… I have a feeling it's not something you'll tell me, so I won't press you. What business did you run, then? Or is that also a secret?"
"Naw, that's fine. I was the manager of Cabaret Grand in Sotenbori. Moonlighted as the manager of a cabaret club, too, for a while. Sunshine, also in Sotenbori."
She blinked a few times, eyes wide, before she managed to find her voice again.
"Wait… Are you serious?! The Grand and the Sunshine? The biggest cabaret, and the most-known cabaret club in Osaka in the late eighties?"
Her sudden agitation took him aback.
"...Ya heard of 'em?"
"I remember reading about them in a magazine as a teenager! No way… Forgive me for saying this, but, looking at you now, I find it pretty hard to believe."
"Hah! Ya better believe it — they even called me the Lord of the Night back then." The triumphant grin that accompanied his words quickly disappeared from his face once he had uttered them. "But, well… It does seem like that was a lifetime ago now."
"Unbelievable… And you still went back to being a yakuza after that?"
There was some amount of nostalgia in his voice, but, at the same time, his single good eye was filled with sadness.
"...Yep."
"Do you ever… regret doing it? You know, leaving the entertainment business life behind?"
He paused for a moment to consider. It had been a long time since he had last thought about it that way.
"Not sure… It was never somethin' I wanted to do for a livin' — I just happened to be good at it," he said in a low voice, focusing his eye on the chopsticks in his hand. "Never chose to run the Grand — someone else had decided that for me. Not many good memories there. Sunshine was a bit different, though. Met some good folks who treated me less like their boss an' more like their friend. Even got to see 'em again after all that time a few years ago. Still… Given a choice, I would choose the life I got now every time. 'Sides… Who knows what they woulda thought of me had they known who I really was… Or, who I was tryin' to go back to bein' while I was still with 'em."
"That's how you find out who your real friends are, though, isn't it? I don't know the whole story, obviously, but do you think they'd have turned their backs on you if they'd known you were a yakuza?"
He focused his thoughts on the memories of the time he had spent as the manager of Club Sunshine and the people he had shared it with. He was unsure about the other cabaret girls that had eventually joined them, but he was quite certain that Yuki, at least, would not have treated him differently — perhaps after first giving him a stern talking-to for not mentioning an important detail like that sooner. Even Youda, the owner, would have probably brushed it all aside, given how much he had helped him with getting the club back on its feet. After all, both he and Yuki had been glad to see him again four years prior, and welcomed him back despite his sudden disappearance and no news for nearly twenty years. A tentative smile appeared in the corner of his mouth.
"Maybe not. But ya can't know for sure 'til ya put 'em on the spot, can ya?"
"Isn't that the truth…" Tsuki sighed, the somewhat nostalgic look in her eyes suggesting his words had prompted a sudden recollection. "If you had people who cared about you in Osaka, though, then why'd you leave?"
"Well… I ain't got any real ties to Kansai, an' Sotenbori was like a prison to me. When you're bein' kept somewhere ya don't wanna be, ya wanna get out as soon as ya can, don't ya? An' on top of that, some more shit that went down after that made me not want to come back there ever again. So, there ya go."
"Huh, so you're not from Kansai after all?" she eyed him curiously. "Thought you might be, given the way you talk. But now that I think about it, you do sound a little different than the Kansai folk I've met. What's up with that?"
"Oi, that s'pposed to be a jab at how I talk?"
She chuckled lightly before answering, sensing that his offense was just play pretend.
"No, I'm genuinely curious. I find it pretty unique."
"Unique, eh? Maybe I'll tell ya 'bout it someday. Can't spill all my secrets right here an' now, can I?"
"Aww, stingy!" she pouted playfully.
The atmosphere on the bright side once more, they returned to enjoying their meal. With the restaurant half-empty as it was, they could take as much time as they wanted.
"So, then… Were ya interested in stuff like cabaret clubs as a teenager?" Majima slightly changed the subject. "Ya said ya read 'bout 'em in a magazine."
"Oh, no. Far from it, actually," Tsuki smiled. "I didn't read them for that reason specifically. The one I read about them in was a travel magazine, or some such, that had a feature on Osaka. Tokyo was all I knew, so reading about other places was fun, given it didn't seem likely I'd ever get to visit them myself. Guess it felt nice to dream of traveling around Japan and the rest of the world, and of living it up in fancy locales like there's no tomorrow."
"Huh… Yer parents really never took ya anywhere?"
The moment he mentioned her parents, a shadow seemed to pass over her face and her expression turned grim, as though he had touched a nerve. Although it had only lasted for a moment, the odd mixture of anger and pain he witnessed in her eyes set off an alarm in his head. The question hung in the air like a fog. He was about to apologize and attempt to change the subject, but she was the first to break the silence.
"By the time I was old enough to be interested in that kind of thing, my parents were already broke," she said, her voice flat. It was uncanny. "And once they were gone, the orphanage I ended up in wasn't exactly big on trips, and for school outings you needed money, which I didn't really have, either. I'd lost interest in traveling by that time anyway, so that was that."
He had not expected she would share a new bit of her private life with him so suddenly. It took a moment for the meaning of her words to fully sink in. As terrible as it sounded even just in his head, it made a lot of sense that she was an orphan, he thought. There was this strength, this… resilience in her that could only have originated from having to overcome hardships from a young age. Losing one's parents, growing up at an orphanage — it was a more common fate for kids these days than he cared to admit. Her peculiar reaction to his question, however, and her tone suggested there was still more to the story than what she had told him.
"Sorry for bringin' it up… I had no idea."
"It's alright, I'm not mad or anything. It's not like my getting offended will change the past anyway, so…"
"Losin' both yer parents musta been tough on ya. How'd it happen?"
Majima realized he was probably treading on thin ice, but he decided to test the waters regardless. Akiyama's words still at the back of his head, it felt like an opportunity to find out more about her past, provided she took the bait.
"It was… an accident," came a curt reply. She shook her head, as though she had deliberately stopped herself from elaborating. "I'm sorry, don't take it the wrong way, but… I don't think we're close enough yet for me to be okay with telling you about it," she swiftly shot him down.
Perhaps it was his imagination, but in saying that, she seemed to have erected an invisible wall between them. It stung, a little — it looked like they both had secrets they did not want to share. It was fine, he realized — sometimes, ignorance was bliss. They could still enjoy each other's company without dragging all the murky details out in the open. It would probably be difficult, but he would do his best to rein in his curiosity.
"You probably have a lot more questions now than before, huh? Sorry for bringing the mood down like that," she apologized, as if she could tell what was on his mind.
"You're right — I do, but that don't matter right now. Say… From here on out, if I ask ya 'bout somethin' ya don't wanna talk 'bout, just tell me right away."
"And… you won't try to find out why on your own if I do that?"
"I won't. Promise."
Seeing the solemn look in his eye, the smile finally returned to her face.
"Thanks. I'll hold you to that."
It did not take long for them to finish their ramen after that, but the fact that they did so pretty much in silence was concerning. Majima's mind recoiled at the prospect of letting their time together that day end in such a manner. Fortunately, this time he had an ace up his sleeve.
"Right, then," he said, trying to sound as cheerful as he could. "Good moment for a change of venue, don't ya think?"
"Oh? You still have something in mind?"
He was relieved to see the spark of curiosity return to her eyes.
"Damn straight," he nodded, a fond look in his eye. "Unless ya got other plans for tonight, wanna join me for a few drinks?"
He stood up and extended his gloved hand towards her.
"Hell, why not." Placing her hand in his, she stood up to join him. "Haven't had a good night out drinking in forever. Lead the way."
Having paid their bill, they strolled side by side through the bustling streets of the district. Contrary to what she had expected, he guided her down Pink Street all the way to Showa Street, then took a right. Despite having no idea where he was headed, she followed him without complaint, keeping her questions to herself for the time being. After all, there was a bar or two in the Underground Mall, so perhaps that was where he wanted to take her.
"I don't get it." Arms crossed and a frown of confusion on her face, she shot him a questioning stare. They were now standing in front of Don Quijote, but for what reason, she could only guess. "I thought we were going to a bar?"
"I asked if ya would join me for drinks, but I never said anythin' 'bout a bar, did I?" he grinned in response.
"Plotting something again, are you?" she smiled.
At this point, it did not come as a surprise to her anymore.
"Hold off on yer judgment 'til ya see what I have in mind. I got a sneakin' suspicion you'll like it. C'mon," he beckoned her, stepping into the store.
With a small sigh and a resigned smile, she followed him inside.
They emerged from Don Quijote with a plastic bag filled with a mix of a dozen cans of Premium Malt's beer and Chu-Hi Wine Cooler.
"This is getting more bizarre by the minute," Tsuki scoffed, looking at the bag in his hand. "Where is this going?"
"Patience, woman. You'll find out soon enough."
"Pfft. Whatever. Do your thing," she gave in with a chuckle. "But if you're trying to take me somewhere weird, you'll be very disappointed."
"I swear, one more word an' ya can forget 'bout drinkin'."
"Fine with me," she shrugged, ostensibly unbothered. "Seeing as I paid for them, though, I'll be the one taking the bag home with me."
Majima burst out laughing at her comeback.
"Right. Forgot who I'm talkin' to for a sec there. Still, ease up on the distrust an' just follow me. If ya don't like it once we're there, ya can chew my ear off all ya want."
Thus bickering, they nevertheless made their way back towards Pink Street.
"And then, I'll take all the booze from you anyway."
"Oh, c'mon, at least leave me half of it!" he groaned. "I can pay ya back for it if you're gonna be such an ass 'bout it."
"Nah, no dice. If that happens, I'd rather take your half as recompense for wasting my time. Sounds like a fair trade to me, don't you think?"
"How exactly is that fair?! Ya wanna make it fair, pay me back for yer ramen in beer! An' by my count, that's almost half of what's in this here bag."
"So now you're willing to go back on what you said earlier today for a few cans of beer?" she smirked.
"If I'da known you'd end up bein' this way, I shoulda just let ya pay for yer share. Pain in the ass…"
He knew she was teasing him; there was no doubt in his mind that it would take much more to truly upset her. That he could push her like this and she would infallibly push back was one of the things he most liked about her.
"You could just tell me where we're going, you know?"
"An' spoil all the fun? What, don't ya like surprises?"
"Depends on the surprise."
"Well, too late now — we're here."
Majima stopped unexpectedly and gestured towards the entrance leading to the Kamurocho rooftops they were now right next to. Tsuki tilted her head, her eyebrows coming down in a puzzled frown.
"The… rooftops? That's where we're going?"
"Right on. I got a pretty neat spot scoped out — unless that's too crude for ya?"
She watched him closely for a few moments, thinking.
"It's not. Alright, let's see this neat spot of yours, then."
Once they were at the top, Majima passed by her and led her some distance away from where they exited to an entrance whose doors were closed shut. Stopping in front of the small concrete cuboid, he swiftly climbed the steel ladder leading to the top, and sat down at the edge, legs dangling, putting the bag with the cans next to him. Without a word, Tsuki followed suit and took a seat on the other side. Between the ladder and a tall antenna to Tsuki's right, there was just enough space for the two of them and the bag in the middle. Owing to the multitude of outdoor air-conditioning units blowing out hot air around them from the restaurants, bars and clubs below, the rooftop area was noticeably warmer compared to ground level. With seemingly no other people in the vicinity and the door of the entrance underneath them closed, it appeared they would be able to enjoy their drinks in private.
"So, whaddya think?" he turned to her, visibly satisfied with himself.
"Definitely not what I expected, that's for sure… Do you come here often?"
"Naw. Prefer to roam the streets than skulk 'round on the rooftops. First time bringin' drinks here, too."
"Why'd you choose this place, then? Wouldn't it be easier to just go to a bar somewhere instead of lugging all this around?" She pointed to the bag between them.
Majima turned his gaze to the maze of buildings in the distance across from where they were sitting.
"I, uh… Thought it'd make for somethin' different. An' with it usually bein' empty like this, we can drink an' talk in peace." He reached inside the bag and pulled out the first two cans, then handed one to her. "Cheers," he said, extending the can in his hand her way and she clinked hers against it without much delay.
"Cheers," she repeated, pulling on the can's tab; it opened with a satisfying sizzle. The simplicity and familiarity of it only served to punctuate the already very informal atmosphere of their tryst. "I was under the impression that you only drank expensive booze, though. How does a simple beer factor into that, huh?"
Her question made him respond with a low chuckle.
"It ain't like I got some kinda rule against drinkin' canned beer. 'Sides… Sometimes, it don't matter what ya drink, but who ya drink it with."
He briefly met her gaze and noticed a tiny spark light up her eyes for a split second, then immediately fade the following moment.
"I see…" she said quietly, looking away. "Fair enough."
Casually sipping on their drinks, they enjoyed the silence for a few minutes. Smiling, Tsuki gazed on the colorful neon lights lining the buildings of Pink Street stretching below. Unprompted, she broke the silence with a scoff.
"What am I even doing with my life?" she smiled pitifully, eyes now focused on the can in her hand. "I'm sitting on a rooftop, boozing it up with a yakuza. This must be the most bum thing I've done in years."
"I'd rather call it enjoyin' a drink with a friend. An' hey — it's not like we're drinkin' booze on a park bench," Majima noted with a smile. "The view's lots better, too."
"Can't argue with that."
Leaving it at that, Tsuki took another swig of her drink. Slowly, her eyes traveled across the nighttime skyline, eventually stopping when her gaze fell on the lit-up Millennium Tower dominating the Kamurocho cityscape. Next to it, the dark silhouette of the unfinished Kamurocho Hills seemed to slumber silently, waiting for its day to shine alongside its older sibling.
"I wonder how small Kamurocho would look from up there," she mused, a dreamy look in her eyes.
"Kamurocho's one thing, but from up there, all of Tokyo looks like a sea of lights at night."
She stared at him in surprise.
"You've been up there before?"
"A couple of times," he smiled, finding her sudden child-like wonder endearing. It was a far-cry from her usual down-to-earth demeanor. "My family's office is there now. I sometimes end up on the roof when I need to do some thinkin'."
"Huh, no way. What are the chances…"
"What can I say — I got a few aces up my sleeve, too," he chuckled, but then his expression turned grim. "Kinda ironic that I now spend so much time in a skyscraper standin' on top of where the Empty Lot used to be."
"The Empty Lot?" Tsuki tilted her head.
"That's what they used to call the speck of dirt the Tojo an' the Omi wanted to get their hands on in the late eighties," he explained.
"Huh… I had no idea. What was so special about it?"
All of a sudden, he regretted ever broaching the subject of the Empty Plot. Why the hell did he even mention it? There was no way he could tell her what happened back then just like that. And yet…
"Ya see… The tower an' the buildings 'round it were part of the Kamurocho Revitalization Project, or some such crap." The words flowed freely, unbidden, as though he was not the one uttering them. "But, while the surroundin' properties had already been bought out, one piece of land was blockin' the construction from startin' — the Empty Lot. The rub was its owner was missin'."
"There were rumors floating around about the time before the Millennium Tower was built — even I heard some of them — but if you were there, I'd love to hear what really happened," she said, genuinely invested in his story now. "You were already working for the Tojo back then, right? Did they make you help look for the owner?"
"I… did, yeah. Didn't know the reason why back then, though, an' I didn't give a shit to know — all that mattered was that it was my chance to get back in the business. There was this girl I was told to find…" He paused before continuing, his eye now brimming with sadness. He had deliberately left out the part about it initially being a hit — that part she did not need to know. "Turned out she was the missin' owner's granddaughter. An', apparently, he'd willed the land to her without her even knowin'. All of a sudden, all the big yakuza bosses collectively shat their pants, wantin' to be the first to nab her an' force her to give it up."
"So… What happened to her? Did you find her?" Tsuki asked tentatively, visibly apprehensive about the conclusion of his tale.
"I… I dunno if I wanna talk 'bout it."
"Oh, come on! Don't leave me hanging like that after you've already started!"
"Ya really wanna hear 'bout it that much?"
She nodded, looking at him with pleading eyes. Seeing her face, he scoffed, a bitter smile on his lips. He was hesitant about opening up to her — however, if he truly wanted her to come to trust him, he would have to give something up in return, he realized. It was not a tale he often recounted willingly, but, the evening's mood lending itself to confessions as it did, he decided to share it with her.
What he told her was beyond her wildest expectations. She listened to his recounting of the events with bated breath, at times wondering if what he described wasn't simply the plot of a movie or a book. Although he did not go into too much needless detail, it nevertheless sounded surreal — at this point, however, knowing as much as she did about him, she had no reason to doubt that what he was telling her was true. Once he was done, there was one thing in particular that stood out to her.
"That is one hell of a story…" she said, still amazed at what she had just heard. "I'm actually relieved that, in the end, she could go on to live a normal, happy life, though."
She paused and lowered her eyes, thinking. Meanwhile, seemingly out of anxiousness, Majima busied himself with taking the remaining drinks out of the plastic bag and lining them up next to it. Having crushed his now-empty can, he put it inside it. Picking up on his idea, Tsuki wordlessly did the same.
"You… loved her, didn't you?" she asked, opening the next can of Chu-Hi.
Her question nearly made him choke on the first mouthful of his newly-opened beer. Eye wide, he turned to look at her.
"How… How do ya figure?"
"A guy doesn't go to such lengths for someone he doesn't care about," she replied with a warm smile that seemed underlined with sadness. "The way you talk about her… I can tell just by hearing it how much she must have meant to you."
He did not reply straight away — instead, he pulled out a pack of cigarettes and offered one to her, but she declined. Having lit one for himself, he took a drag and watched as the smoke danced in the air for a few moments.
"Well… It's all in the past now," he said, then made a move to take another swig of his beer, but ended up placing the can next to his leg instead.
Glancing at her, he saw she wasn't looking his way anymore — she appeared to be deep in thought, gazing straight ahead at the lit-up buildings in the distance. By now, he knew that look on her face — there was something on her mind, but she was either trying to decide whether to give voice to it or was searching for the right words to do so.
"Can I ask you something?"
He eyed her curiously, wondering what it could be that she wanted to ask him.
"Shoot."
"When it was all over… why didn't you tell her it was you when you met her again?"
Focusing his gaze on the can that was now back in his hand, he thought about the answer for a spell.
"That normal, happy life, as ya called it — I wanted her to finally have it after all the shit she'd been through. I woulda only gotten in her way of achievin' that… 'Sides, I had no idea if she felt anythin' more towards me other than gratitude. It's enough that I now know she found the happiness she deserved."
"But, instead, you ended up being the one suffering for it. On one hand, what you did for her was beautiful, but… on the other, I can't help thinking you should have told her how you felt. I think it's better to know these things, in the long run."
"Even if I'd told her, I still woulda made sure she saw reason an' let me go. So, what difference would it have made?"
"Well, for one, she would've been able to decide for herself what she wanted to do. Maybe it would've played out the same, maybe not. Instead, you made that decision for her — you took away her right to choose, you know?"
His melancholy abruptly turned into anger, the fierce scowl that twisted his face making wrinkles appear in the corner of his good eye. He barked out his next words without thinking.
"Right to choose? An' where was my right to choose when—"
He bit his tongue, realizing what he had nearly let slip. It was enough that he had told her about Makoto and his time in Sotenbori — he did not feel like opening up possibly an even deeper wound so quickly in succession.
"When what?" Tsuki asked calmly, unfazed by his outburst.
"Forget I said anythin'..." He turned his gaze away, trying to contain the jolt of pain that had shot through him after she had unknowingly touched that particular nerve. She had not done it on purpose — taking his frustrations out on her like that was pointless. "Enough 'bout this. Why don't I ask ya somethin' for a change?"
"Hm… Fair enough. What do you want to know?"
He had so many questions he wanted to ask her that it was difficult to choose. He half-expected that the answers, and the stories that came with them, would not exactly be easy to share, either. After he had opened up to her about the events of the late eighties, however, he felt she owed him at least one.
"The other day, ya said ya were livin' out on the streets. What was that shit 'bout?"
She scoffed, a ghost of a smile on her lips.
"Going straight for the jugular, are you? Fine — I guess it's only fair after what you've told me."
Majima watched as she took out and lit a cigarette of her own. Maybe it was the light playing tricks on him, but her hands seemed to be trembling ever so slightly.
"When I first came to Kamurocho I was barely eighteen and angry as all hell — at the world, at life, at the people around me, and, most of all, at myself. Don't remember who it had been, but someone had told me this town would be a perfect place for someone like me. Shit, if I was a guy, I'd probably have looked for the first yakuza I could find and signed up then and there."
"That does sound like how it goes down for a lotta guys that join," Majima snuck in a comment. "That not bein' an option, though, what did ya do next?"
"I… wandered the streets, thinking that sooner or later something would happen. And it did." She took a longer drag of her cigarette before continuing. "It didn't take long for some sleazy asshole to try to make me go to a love hotel with him in exchange for money. He couldn't take a hint, so I ended up mopping the floor with him, then took what was in his wallet. I'd been beating up older boys in high school and outside of it for a while by that point, you see, so it wasn't exactly a new thing to me."
"Shit… An' ya never got in trouble for beatin' up guys at school?"
"Nope. None of them had the balls to admit they got trounced by a girl — and one that was younger, at that. They'd always make up a story to cover it up, while I'd always be wary not to get caught red-handed. But everyone knew what was really going on and, after a while, nobody was willing to start shit with me anymore. In hindsight, I guess I was lucky it worked out that way," she scoffed.
"Gotta admit, that's hilarious," Majima chuckled. "Anyway — that how ya made money back then? Beatin' up an' fleecin' unexpectin' idiots who tried to have their way with ya?"
"No — but it sure was a sign of things to come. It turned out a group of guys had been secretly watching me beat up that one sleazeball, and they approached me shortly after. I was ready to fight them, too, but they told me they were impressed by how I'd floored that perv, and asked me to join them. They were part of a recently-formed street gang an' they thought I'd be a good addition."
"Hells, lemme guess — ya agreed."
Somehow, it did not surprise him. In perspective, it made perfect sense that someone like her would have brushed shoulders with Kamurocho's darker side.
"I did… We were all outcasts, filled with rage and united by our contempt for the society that frowned upon us. For the first time in years, I felt like I had a place I belonged. I trusted them with my life and there was nothing I wouldn't have done for them," she smiled bitterly. "For five years after I'd joined, we strived to make a name for ourselves. None of that posturing bullshit and beating up random people because they looked funny at us, mind you — we wanted to be the real deal. Once our notoriety had grown, we ended up running all kinds of errands for the yakuza: collection jobs, harassment, drug trafficking, you name it. Whenever something the yakuza deemed too risky or couldn't be bothered to take care of themselves popped up, we'd get the job — and we'd deliver, too. We were very effective, especially when it came to collections and what they would often call 'forceful persuasion.'"
"Lemme guess who they had to thank for that," Majima giggled. He had not expected to hear the things he was hearing from her. There were still some parts missing to justify Akiyama's concern when he had warned him about her. Something must have happened and he was itching to find out what it was.
"While I can't take all the credit… I did play a part in that. So much so, in fact, that by the time I was twenty-three, I'd learned the other gangs and some of the lower tier yakuza had even made up a nickname for me: the Black Wolf, they called me. It helped a lot that I wasn't just a blunt object — I was smart, cunning even. It took a lot of work to make sure we wouldn't end up getting caught, after all. Still, now that I look back on it, it's a miracle I didn't end up behind bars." She threw her empty can into the bag and popped open a new one. "We had a good run there, for a while. Respect, notoriety, even the money was good. We were young and wild, not giving a rat's ass about anyone or anything. Sometimes, we'd hang out on the rooftops just like this, drinking and spitting on all the loaded folks getting wasted down below. We were blind to the fact that in trying to free ourselves from the chains of the society we so despised, we instead became the yakuza's lapdogs. We thought we were on top of the world, when, in truth, we were the most worthless trash of all…"
She fell silent. Majima studied her profile — he could tell that the sadness he could see in her eyes now did not stem from nostalgia, but from regret.
"It all went to shit, didn't it?" he asked, taking a sip of his beer.
"Most things like that do, eventually."
"What happened?"
"...Remember the guy I told you I'd dated after coming to Kamurocho?"
"Yeah. The one that pulled a fast one on ya."
The can in her hand let out a small crinkle as she unwittingly tightened her grip on it. He did not like where this was going, but it was too late to turn back now.
"Well… He was also part of our crew. Second-in-command, actually. We became a thing around a year before the end." She shook her head with reproach. "I should've known something wasn't right about it from the start. But, naive as I was, I fell for it hook, line and sinker. I felt invincible and became overconfident. I was in for a pretty rude awakening."
"The fuck did he do?" Majima frowned. He knew that what she was describing had happened over a decade before; nevertheless, he could not stop anger from flaring up within him.
"I trusted him — much more than the other members of our crew, for obvious reasons — and he betrayed me. Only after the fact did I learn that, apparently, I'd been the most likely candidate to take over as the gang's leader, even though he outranked me. He'd been sure he'd become the next leader, so he wasn't too thrilled about it, to put it mildly. In retrospect, the reason he'd made a move on me in the first place might've been so he could more easily get rid of me. I… probably don't need to tell you how much it hurt when I realized that…"
Like poison, the meaning behind her words slowly seeped into his brain. He had no idea what exactly the betrayal she had mentioned involved, but the mere concept of making someone care for you for the sole reason of ultimately using it against them absolutely sickened him. He lit up another cigarette in a vain attempt to calm himself down.
"That's… some downright evil shit right there, ain't gonna lie," he growled. "He made ya fall for him just to… what? Sell ya out?"
"That's the gist of it, yeah."
"To whom? The cops? Naw… Ya said ya ain't never ended up behind bars…"
"It would've been a mercy if he sold me out to the police, actually," she laughed nervously.
"Who, then?"
"That's another can of worms altogether. One I don't feel like opening. I told you about my life on the streets — that makes us even, doesn't it? I can count the people I've told that story on one hand, so… let's keep it between us, okay?"
Eye wide, he stared at her.
"Don't ya trust me enough by now to know I ain't like that?" he said with regret.
The next moment, it dawned on him — after what she had just told him, it was no wonder she had trust issues, even after all these years. Suddenly, he felt like a complete idiot. He opened his mouth to apologize, but she preempted him.
"Not yet, but… I'm beginning to," she smiled, seemingly unfazed.
Her story done, a few minutes of silence followed. As they kept drinking, Majima could not help wondering what was going through her head.
"Tell me somethin'..." he finally said, glancing her way.
"We're starting round two?" she smirked.
"Pfft. Sure, fuck it," he scoffed. "Ya got any idea what happened to that shitstain who sold ya out?"
"Hmm… I know he didn't get what he wanted. I never found out the details, but within a few months the gang was done for. Infighting would be my guess. Or maybe they got busted," she shrugged. "As for him, specifically… No idea. I never heard anything and I didn't care to find out. That whole thing is just another couple of bricks in my Kamurocho wall of bad memories now."
She took a final swig of her drink and crushed the can, then put it into the bag between them, and grabbed a new one.
"In that case… If ya have so many bad memories of this place — why not just move out?"
Leaning back and propping herself on one arm, she considered his question for a few moments.
"I guess… it's because moving somewhere else would be the same as running away," she replied. "Sure, I've got some bad memories here — but if I moved out, that'd be the only way I'd remember it for the rest of my life. I figured, if I can make enough good memories here instead, eventually, they should outweigh the bad ones. That… and I like it here, despite everything. Does that make any sense?"
"In a masochistic kinda way."
She took yet another swig of her canned Chu-Hi. Majima noted that somewhere along the way her drinking had picked up pace. Only then did he realize that it had been the first time she had so openly spoken about her past to him — it seemed like another piece of the puzzle had just fallen into place. He was certainly thankful for it, but there were still some parts missing. He could not shake the impression that it would take much more courage and trust for her to eventually fill the gaps for him — if she even decided to do it. But if she did, then he wanted to be there for her.
"You know… I thought I'd regret telling you about my time out on the streets, but… I actually feel relieved," Tsuki said, the cheerful smile returning to her face. "I'd been running away from everything since I was a kid… I'm tired of running. Maybe it's finally time I stopped and faced it."
"Hm… Think I know what ya mean."
"Huh? You do?"
Majima scratched the back of his head somewhat bashfully.
"Yeah… Did my fair share of runnin' away from things, too."
"Then… maybe we're not so different after all, you and I."
With a hint of a smile, he raised the can in his hand towards her.
"To makin' good memories so that they end up outweighin' the bad."
"Indeed."
Grinning, she clinked the can in her hand against his. It was possible that the alcohol was already doing its work, but she now seemed a lot less tense than before. He himself was beginning to feel a pleasant buzz, but, given how much weaker the beer was than what he usually indulged in, it would take a veritable mountain of cans to make him feel drunk.
"Anywho… Seems like it's yer turn again."
"You sure? That wasn't much of a story."
"Yeah, I don't give a shit anymore. Ask me whatever ya want," he waved his hand.
"Okay, then…" She considered her next question carefully. There was still something that she had been curious about for a long time, and this seemed like a good opportunity to make another attempt to find out. "In the end, you never told me how you lost your eye. What happened?"
He winced, hearing her question.
"No good?"
"I did tell ya to ask away, so I got no excuse now," he scoffed.
"If you don't want to talk about it, then just forget I asked. I'll think of something else."
He lowered his gaze and watched as the glow on the tip of his cigarette withered and died.
"Naw, actually… I want to. Not many people know the story, but somehow I feel that if there's anyone I can tell 'bout it an' not worry it'll bite me in the ass down the line — it's you."
Her eyes widened in surprise for a brief moment. She opened her mouth to speak, then closed it again, her eyebrows coming down in a determined frown as she studied his solemn profile.
"I… Okay. Lay it on me, then," she said once she had recovered, bracing for whatever was to come.
As he spoke, his voice was low, with each word falling heavy like bulky drops of rain pounding against an umbrella on a windless day. Tsuki could tell it was not easy for him to speak of the events he was recounting, despite the fact that they had occurred more than two decades ago at this point. It was yet another tale that beggared belief, but the profound sorrow she could sense behind his words felt so raw it left no doubt in her mind that what he was saying was indeed true.
For the first time, he told her of his sworn brother, Saejima; how they had been ready and willing to sacrifice their lives for the sake of their patriarchs; how it had all ended up backfiring due to those in power pulling the strings behind the scenes; finally, how he had defied his superiors out of loyalty to his brother, but had ultimately been powerless to prevent the fate that had befallen him, even at the cost of an eye, a year of his own freedom and temporary erasure from the Tojo Clan records. He finished by tying it all back to what he had already told her of his time in Osaka working as the manager of Cabaret Grand.
When he finished, there was silence, the distant sounds of the streets below serving as a somber backdrop for reflection. For some reason, he found he was afraid to face her. In allowing her to see some of the darkest moments of his life, he was not looking for consolation from her, nor pity, nor vindication for his actions — if anything, he hoped she could find it in herself to accept it as a part of him that would follow him for the rest of his days. It was too late for regret; she had not forced him into pouring his heart out like he had — he had done it of his own free will. He wanted her to trust him, and if what it took for her to do so was for him to face the ghosts of his past, then so be it. He gave her time to process everything, nevertheless awaiting her response with a mixture of anticipation and anxiety.
"Fucking hell…" he heard her curse quietly. "And there I was, thinking that I'd had it rough. How… How'd you even manage to deal with all that afterwards?"
He searched for an answer to give her, the lines on his face deepening.
"I stopped givin' a fuck 'bout most things. Ran away from others 'til I couldn't run anymore. Did some real fucked up shit on the way… Never lost sight of what was important, though. Maybe that's what's kept me goin' all these years."
"What was important… You mean your sworn brother? Is that why you were trying so hard to get back into the business?"
"Yeah… Though, for a long time, I was sure the only reason I'd been tryin' so hard to stay alive was so he could kill me for betrayin' him."
"...You didn't do it, though, right? Betray him."
"Naw… An' yet, I did, in a way. But he had no way of knowin' what'd really happened when he found me, an' I didn't exactly care to set him straight. It all felt like excuses. It ain't like my tellin' him why I hadn't shown woulda given those twenty five years of his life back to him."
"And letting him kill you would?"
Majima scoffed.
"Naw, but maybe my life woulda made for at least some compensation. Y'know… When we became brothers, we swore that betrayal would mean death. Far as I knew, he ended up on death row 'cause I'd failed him. Didn't matter how or why. Losin' an eye, spendin' a year in the hole, even becomin' someone's livin' doormat for two years… It was nothin' compared to life in the slammer, only to end up bein' put down like a rabid dog. Had he broken out just so he could kill me, I wouldn't have blamed him."
"But he didn't kill you, in the end… Despite everything."
"Naw," Majima smiled bitterly. "He's a better man than I'll ever be… He's a lot like ya, in some ways. Ya two would hit it off, I think."
"Come on, you're not that bad yourself," she tried to lift his quickly sinking spirits.
"Ya still don't know me well enough to decide that."
"Hm… Well, I know a lot more about you now than I did a few hours ago, that's for sure," she mused. "And, granted, I haven't known you for long, but I've got a good nose when it comes to people now, and you never struck me as evil. That's why I've been so hell-bent on proving Aki wrong. When she looks at you, she can't see past the yakuza — at least, not yet. I want to change that."
She turned her head to look at him and noticed the sorrow in his eye. Her heart went out to him; she realized she wanted nothing more than to chase that sadness away, to see him smile again — but she did not yet know how.
"I'm a yakuza through an' through, though. Always will be," he said quietly.
"And yet… That's not all you are, is it?"
"Whaddya mean?"
Her question made him raise his gaze to meet hers. There was nothing but warmth and fondness in her eyes; he found it difficult to look away. He anxiously waited for what she was going to say next, like a desert yearning for the rain.
"What I mean is… people can be many things at the same time, right? Take me as an example. If you asked someone who's only heard of me about who I was, they'd probably tell you I'm a cold-hearted bitch who likes to beat up thugs when I'm not serving drinks at the bar. But if that was all who I was, I doubt I'd still be running Stray — I'd have gone out of business months ago. Those who come to my bar and learn a little more about me know there's more to me than that, though. I think it's the same with you. You may be the Mad Dog, but you're also Majima Goro. The man I met that night out in the street definitely wasn't the Mad Dog — nor is the man who's now sitting next to me." She gave him a toothy grin. "Now, don't get me wrong — I'm pretty sure I got a taste of the Mad Dog when we fought, and I enjoyed every second of it. But I also like being with the man on the other side of that coin, like we are now. Sure, you're a yakuza, but there's also a person behind that — it's just that not many people care to see that. It's easier to think of the world as only being black and white, when in reality it's got all the shades of gray in between, too."
Stumped, he kept looking at her smiling face, her every word adding oil to the fire that was already threatening to consume him. For her to actually enjoy being with him, she must either be crazy or a saint, he thought. Having learned a little of who he was, what he had been through, and even some of the things he had done, she was still able to find something in him she considered worth liking? He felt he did not deserve such kindness from her and it made his heart ache with self-loathing. Yet, at the same time, he realized that deep down he desperately craved her affection. Had been for some time now, in spite of his numerous attempts to push those feelings away. Despite all the risks, he was still drawn to her, like a moth to a flame. It was high time he faced the feelings he had been trying hard to ignore. His mind, scarred by the hurt of the past, was screaming at him to run away, but his heart would not listen.
"Why… Why are ya so kind to me?" he found his voice again, but his mouth felt dry.
She chuckled, turning her gaze to the starry night sky above.
"I dunno… Maybe because I wasn't lying when I said I liked you? You know I tend to speak my mind and that's just what I was thinking. Sorry if it came out weird…"
Although she was obviously trying to draw a clear line as to the meaning behind her words, Majima noticed a subtle blush suddenly redden her cheeks. His heart began racing.
"N-Naw, it's just… I appreciate ya sayin' those things. It felt… good, hearin' ya say 'em."
He wanted to smile, but found himself too flustered to do it, wondering if she could tell just how nervous he had suddenly become.
"I'm glad," she gave him a warm smile before drinking what little was left of her last can of Chu-Hi. Taking a look at where the cans had been, she noticed the spot was now empty. "Oh? We're out of booze already?"
"Want me to go grab some more?"
"Nah… Dunno about you, but I think I'm good." She crushed the can in her hand and threw it into the plastic bag which had become their makeshift trash can. Glancing inside, she saw it was full again, but this time, all the cans were empty. Her eyes went wide, the realization apparently only just hitting her, tipsy as she was. "Wait, did we really drink that much?!"
"Uh… Yeah. You're quite good at knockin' 'em back, y'know?"
"Well… It would be pretty embarrassing if a bartender couldn't handle her liquor at least a little bit, wouldn't it? That said… Any more and I might just pass out, or puke. Or both, actually. I think it's best if we call it a day here, as nice as it's been."
Somewhat clumsily pushing herself away from the edge, she made a move to stand up, but had to steady herself against the ground once or twice before actually managing to catch some measure of balance. Even then, she appeared unsure of her footing. Noticing this, Majima immediately got to his feet and stood next to her, watching over her so she would not fall from the top of the small building they were on. Perhaps he had not thought their hang-out spot through as well as he had assumed.
"Shit," she cursed, then laughed out loud. "Now, isn't this something? I'm definitely good for the night. Time to head home."
"First, ya gotta get down the ladder somehow. Gimme a sec."
He grabbed the bag of empty cans and threw it down to the surface of the roof below, then beckoned for her to follow him as he slowly descended the steel ladder, doing what he could to ensure she would safely make it down as well.
"I'll walk ya. Here," he offered her his arm to grab onto when she joined him. "Let's go find ya a cab. Don't worry 'bout the trash, I'll take care of it."
"Yeah, a taxi is probably a good idea… Thanks."
Once she had taken a firm enough hold of his arm, he carefully led her to where they had entered earlier, then down the stairs. It took some time, but they made it back onto the street without major issues. Feeling her grip around his arm, his heart was pounding inside his chest again, but he paid it no mind — no matter how nervous he might be, seeing her off safely took priority right now.
"I'm really sorry for making you put up with this," Tsuki apologized as they walked, amused and embarrassed in equal measure by this turn of events. "I seem to have overestimated myself. Can't remember the last time I drank this much, to be honest. Dunno what I was expecting…"
"Naw, it's fine. I'm glad ya enjoyed yerself. An', just for the record, you're actually one of the most lucid drunks I've met."
She snorted a sharp laugh.
"Geez, thanks… But if that really is the case, then maybe I should pick up some drunken brawler moves to broaden my martial arts horizons."
"Now there's an idea," Majima grinned. Unexpectedly, he was seeing yet another side of her, for better or worse. At least she was a happy drunk, he mused.
Not long after, they reached the main road and located the closest taxi. Perhaps it was the chilly night air, but Majima noticed that the longer they walked, the steadier her stride seemed to become. She was nevertheless still holding onto him, but her grip was much more relaxed now. The sudden thought that they could almost pass for a strolling couple in the eyes of onlookers sent a wave of heat to his face. They stopped on the sidewalk, close to an empty cab. It was quiet, with not many pedestrians walking about.
"Well, here we are," Majima said, turning to her.
"Huh? Already?"
She sounded disappointed.
"What, ya wanted to stroll 'round some more?" he jested.
"I mean, I wouldn't mind…"
He felt his face begin to burn again. That was pretty forward, even for her. He told himself that it must have been the alcohol speaking, but it did nothing to prevent the sweet ache from spreading through his chest. Could he dare to hope that what she felt towards him was more than just friendship? He swallowed nervously, trying to maintain his composure. No, she was drunk, and people tend to say all kinds of weird things they normally wouldn't say when they're drunk, he decided.
"How 'bout we save that for next time? For now, ya focus on gettin' home in one piece."
"Pfft. I'll be fine, don't worry," she giggled. "Thanks for looking out for me, though. And… Thank you for today — I really enjoyed it. It… actually made me realize some things."
Tilting his head, he gave her an inquisitive look.
"Things like what?"
"Who knows? Maybe I'll tell you someday. For now, it's a secret," she grinned playfully in response.
"Don't ya ever get tired of keepin' so many secrets?" he sighed, shaking his head resignedly.
She considered his question for a few moments.
"Hmm… Maybe you're right." Letting go of his arm, she moved to stand in front of him, having apparently sobered up enough to be able to stay upright on her own now. "Alright, then. Come closer and I'll let you in on one," she beckoned him.
A little surprised at this abrupt change of heart, Majima decided to humor her; he fully expected her to make up some witty or silly remark instead of actually telling him something serious anyway, so what could the harm in it be? Smiling, he leaned in, ear as close to her face as he dared. He focused his gaze on the pavement, waiting for her to share whatever it was she intended to share.
Instead of hearing her voice, however, he felt a soft warmth on his cheek, just beyond the corner of his mouth. Instantly, the smile vanished from his face, eye widening in shock and realization. His pale face was now bright red.
"See you!" he heard her cheerful voice from a distance a moment later.
He was frozen in place, still bent forward even though she was no longer next to him. Without thinking, he touched the spot on his cheek with his fingers. Did she really just… kiss him?
The sound of metal crashing against the pavement brought him back to his senses — unwittingly, he had let the bag with the empty cans slip out of his hand.
"Dammit…" he swore under his breath, crouching to gather up the cans that had fallen out.
By that time, the taxi's door had already closed behind her. He stood back up and straightened, trying to process what had just happened as he watched the cab drive away until it disappeared from sight.
Way to catch a guy off guard…
He might have expected many things, but that had definitely not been one of them. His thoughts were running wild, his mind like a hunting hound that had been let off its leash. The mixture of unbridled joy and absolute terror that was rushing through his veins was beginning to make his head spin, the buzz from the beers he had downed only making it worse. Still in disbelief at the conclusion to their evening together, he began making his way back, but to where exactly, he could not say. Both his heart and mind racing, eventually a single question rang out above all the others: what now?