Death of Innocence

Day 9

Homeless Encampment, November 2013, next morning

"Gave me a little fright there, friend," she said, peering down at him.

Reese could just make out her features in the dim morning light. He didn't say anything. Wondered what might have slipped out of him during the night. Crazy dreams, tossing and turning through it – thought he might've been talking out loud.

"Fire's still goin'." She raised the cup in front of him.

"Want more broth? Some a the soup this time?" Reese nodded to her, and she looked satisfied with his choice. Got herself up off the cardboard near him and made her way to the bodega bag next to his pack.

Right. He remembered someone feeding him something on a spoon. Thought it was part of a dream.

He watched her, pouring his soup into the cup. For a street-woman out of New York, she had a kind heart. Must not be easy to have, living on the streets. When she came back to him with the steaming soup, he remembered his other sandwich in his pack. Reached for it and winced, grabbing for the painful place.

Of course, she'd noticed.

"Lemme get that fer ya," she whispered, so no one else heard. Pulled the bag toward her and lifted it over to him. He reached inside.

"Have another sandwich in here," he said. "It's yours." Saw the way she looked at it, wrapped in foil in his hand like some kind of shiny bauble. Eyes dancing again.

"How 'bout we share?"

Reese unwrapped the sandwich and gave her half. Across the way, an old guy was watching the two of them. He'd kept the fire going long enough to heat the soup for him. Reese reached into his pack for his knife. Cut his half in half and held it out.

"I'd get up, but then you'd have to shovel me off the floor, friend," Reese said in a low voice. The old man nodded and jumped up. Seemed sprier than he looked. Came across from his side of the floor and stopped in front of Reese.

"Ol' Sam they call me," he said, and reached out his hand to shake.

"John."

Reese handed the sandwich across to him and Ol' Sam lifted it up in a salute to them. Wasn't long before he was digging around in his own stuff over there. Came up with a few pieces - saucepan and the like - and, pretty soon, they could smell coffee brewing.

Ol' Sam tended it like it was precious, and when he was done, he brought it over.

"Army-way coffee," he said, with a little grin. Surprising perfect white teeth against his brown skin.

He offered the pot and Joan was ready with a second cup from her lean-to for a little splash of it. Reese held out his thermos and Ol' Sam tipped a stream into the top.

"That's plenty," Reese said, sure that he'd left the most in the pot. Ol' Sam nodded and grinned at the two of them.

"Nice to have a little company once in a while." He poured his into a tin cup and took a long whiff.

"That's mighty good."

They did a three-way toast then and sipped away. Smiles all the way around the group.

Bear was up first this morning. Usually, when he got up at first light, he'd shake himself next to his dog bed and his tags'd make a jingling sound, dangling off his collar.

Finch, if he was already awake, would look down the hall for him. Bear'd walk his way and meet him on his way down. Time to take Bear out for his morning walk. By the time they were back inside, Finch'd be ready for his tea, and Bear'd drop down at his feet while Finch read the papers.

Bear shook himself. The tags jingled. He looked down the hall, but no Finch looking back.

Tapping sounds as his feet ticked over the hardwood floor. At Finch's door, Bear sniffed the air, then shouldered his way inside. Finch was still asleep on his bed. Bear padded over to him. Didn't open his eyes.

Bear made a little short exhale sound then, like "hey," in dog. Nothing. So, he got a little closer and nudged Finch with his nose on his neck. Nada.

Pushed him this time, enough to jostle him, and Finch groaned. Bear laid his muzzle across Finch's arm, aimed for his ear, and made a soft whine sound. Had to follow up with another nudge, and then Finch opened his eyes. He raised his head off the pillow, and tried to focus on the blob in front of him.

"Alright, Bear. Give me a minute." Bear knew he'd be reaching around for his glasses, rubbing his eyes, and then looking at his clock. Seemed a little low-energy today. Must have stayed up too late with that other one. Bear liked her, too.

Once Finch was up, he straightened his clothes a bit and the two of them walked together down the hall, his tags jingling softly as they went. He stopped to sniff at the bottom of another door. She was in there. He pricked up his ears to listen. Not a sound in there. Must still be sleeping.

In the kitchen, Finch stopped to fill the kettle with fresh water, and plugged it in. Then they were off.

The other one might not be up when they got back. Bear smiled to himself. He knew – that one could sleep!

After the cup of meaty, hearty soup, a chunk of tasty sandwich, and a chaser of Ol' Sam's precious brew, Reese had leaned back for a little rest. Starting to feel almost human for the moment. Joan had straightened out the "blanket" on him and he felt a little better. He'd need to get out of his wet clothes, but he couldn't stomach the idea yet, until it warmed up a little outside. Best to get sleep while he could. Probably be a big day today.

Fell into a deep sleep right away this time.

Deepest velvety blackness surrounding him, endless from his vantage point. And it didn't feel cold at all. Just vast.

He'd started to turn all the way around to see if he was alone there. Felt like there was someone there with him. Couldn't quite see who, though.

Felt the warmth on his skin. Turned, and turned again. Couldn't see who it was. Felt the warmth though, and kept turning back and forth, until he'd got the warmth centered right there in front of him.

Tried to open his eyes, but found they'd already been that way.

Soft sound coming to him. Right in front of him. Little louder? Just needed enough sound to make it clear. Reese waited, staring into the blackness. Warm on his skin. Made him think of her.

Hmm. He'd been avoiding it. Knew how bad it'd be, and just didn't want to get his heart sliced up like that again. Hadn't even started to fit the pieces back together yet. Maybe he shouldn't go there now. Wasn't ready for this.

Warmer. On his skin. Felt nice there, like someone curled up against him at night. He could smell her hair. Breathed it in. His breath came easy with her against him like that. Quiet around them, in the darkness. His arm resting over her shoulder, and the soft rise and fall. Felt warm against his chest. Quiet, care-less.

This must be what peace felt like.

"John?"

What? Not the voice he'd thought it'd be.

Deeper than Jessie's. Mistaken identity. He knew who this was now.

His mind swam for a minute. Jarred out of where he thought he was going. Needed to reset. Thought he heard her chuckle, with that gravelly one she had. Not fair. He hadn't been expecting her here. Joss.

"Not lookin' so good, John." In her soft, deep tones.

"I've heard," he mumbled. Wondered if he could muster the effort to open his eyes. Oh, that's right. Already open. Still couldn't see her though.

"Ya left kinda early – jes when things were startin' to improve a bit." He didn't have anything to say about that. Sounded like she had an opinion. Usually did.

"Got it under control," he murmured. Heard the chuckle again.

"You're a liar, John – and not a good one." He smiled. She had a point. Usually did. Joss hesitated, but not for long.

"So, tell me. Have a plan?"

"Yup."

"Care tuh share?"

Reese swooped away to the back of his mind. Things were still a little murky back there, fuzzy in that department. There was something important he wanted to do. Couldn't quite bring it into focus at the moment. Couldn't quite picture it in his mind. Pulling him along, but Reese didn't know where, yet.

And there was the other thing. Wasn't exactly at his best, either, for traipsing around the countryside. Might need a minute. He heard her chuckle again.

"Knew you were a stubborn cuss of a man."

"Got me," he'd said, joking, but then the other meaning hit him, suddenly.

He'd wanted that. He'd wanted to be "got."

Missed the damn target! Blinded, and missed the whole damn thing. Started to groan from all the pain coming up, like glass in his heart.

"Whoa, Soldier!" he heard her say. Took a minute before he could speak.

"I missed again, Joss. Didn't know what I had, again." His eyes filled and threatened to spill over. "Never learned my lesson, Joss." He heard her voice clear and close. Like she was right there at his ear.

"Learning everything ain't what it seems, John; that's the thing about these days." She was quiet for a while, while he thought about it. Then:

"Still have time," she said. And there was something in her voice that made a tear spill over.

She didn't – have time.

He felt her sit down next to him, and then there was a sense of something on his chest, over his heart. Her hand? Warm on him. He breathed deeper under it. The warmth seemed to come into him and spread around inside him. Tried to see her again.

Felt her. Didn't see her.

"Time to go, John." Even though he wasn't ready. He'd wanted to stop her, but she was already gone. In his ear, her breath and: "You know I'll never leave you."

When he woke later, he felt warm again. Looked over and Joan was resting there in her lean-to – all patched up with another piece of cardboard duct-taped to the side, good as new.

Felt something and looked down.

In his hand, a picture.

A polaroid of the two of them – Jess and him, in his Ranger's uniform. Reese stared at it. Stirred something inside him.

The clouds in the back of his mind seemed to be lifting, slowly.

Reese was starting to see to the other side. What came after this...