Ten days had passed since Bob was admitted to, to the facility. The psychiatric facility he had been admitted to after having an argument with Louise. The months since Tina died had been a blur, but he was sure that Louise had been at fault. Maybe part of him wondered why he had been so hostile to Louise. Part of him wondered if she had always been so terrible. Today was the first day he was allowed to have a visitor and just his luck, it was his dad.
"Hello son, how are you feeling?" Big Bob greeted stepping into the visitor's room.
"I'm OK for a guy in a mental hospital." Bob whispered.
"Do you think you are getting better?" Big Bob asked.
"I guess" Bob sighed.
"Do you regret your actions?" Big Bob asked.
"What are you my new shrink?" Bob demanded.
"Louise wants to know." Big Bob replied.
"Does she actually care, or does she just want to cause trouble?" Bob asked.
"She cares Bobby and so do I." Big Bob assured.
"Why now? Why didn't you care when I was a kid? When mom died and I needed you most?" Bob asked.
"Because I fucked up. When I lost your mother, it took everything I had just to get through the day. Some days just putting one foot in front of the other felt like running a marathon. I realize now I was depressed. I should have gotten help but men in those days. We did not ask for help. We didn't go to therapy. We didn't take pills. We just pushed through. That is not a healthy way to cope. Which I guess you now see." Big Bob explained.
"I can talk about it, but I don't see why I have to slow down. I worked in the restaurant growing up. Why can't Louise just accept that kids work?" Bob asked.
"A good work ethic is good for kids but hell I regret that too. Your mom was sick for so long and the medicine was so expensive. Even all the years shew as in remission. There were still appointments and meds for effects of the chemo. You guys are poor, but things are different now. You need to let Louise be a kid." Big Bob explained.
"Why should she get to be happy? When don't I think I will ever be happy again?" Bob asked.
"She doesn't have to be happy. Right now, she is downright miserable. What she needs is your love and support. For both of you. She needs it because without it she will break, and she may not be able to put herself back together the way you did." Big Bob explained.
"Why do I need it?" Bob asked.
"So, you don't end up spending decades miserable and alone the way I did. So, when Gene or Louise calls you or comes over, they won't be miserable by the end. So, you don't spend thirty-two years praying to a God you don't believe in that you will die in your sleep. So that when you are my age you are happy." Big Bob explained.
Louise sat alone on Big Bob's couch. She still felt so out of place here. Until all this happened. She had only been to her grandfather's house once in her life and she was just a tiny baby back then. The only tangible proof she had was a picture of her sleeping in her Pack N Play in Bob's childhood bedroom. Now she was living here for God knows how long. Her collectables and books had taken over the shelves and her sheets were on the bed, but it was not her home. She was a glorified foster child.
"Hello Louise" Judith greeted sitting beside her.
"Oh hey, Judith." Louise replied.
"Are you feeling any better? You look better." Judith asked.
"I'm alright" Louise sighed it turns out that recovering from pneumonia was no easy task. The doctors had told Big Bob that if Zeke hadn't found her when he did. She could have died. Though she sometimes felt like that wouldn't have been that bad. She missed her old life so much and knew she would never get it back.
"That's good to hear. So, Bob tells me that you are into Japan." Judith commented.
"Yeah, it started out with my dad showing me these old movies. The "Hawk and Chick" franchise. Then I found my Kuchi Kopi doll and when I got older, I started researching their culture. There are some aspects I find disturbing but for the most part it's pretty cool." Louise explained.
"I was always fascinated by Japan too, but in my time growing up in the shadow of World War Two. It was harder for me to express my interests. Though that is how I met Lily." Judith explained.
"You knew grandma?" Louise gasped.
"Yeah, she joined my class when we were in the fourth grade. She noticed my drawing of the Japanese flag. I was worried she would call me a traitor like the other kids did but she said she liked it. We started talking and instantly became best friends. I actually introduced her to your grandfather. Bob and I had a fling when we were young, but my parents wanted me to marry the son of their business partner. Things were different in those days. I had to comply. Your grandfather met Lily at the wedding, and she healed his broken heart. My husband was not a good man, and it was two years before I found out Lily had even died. I visited your grandfather, and the feelings were still there but he was still not ready. We connected off and on through the years, but it was hard for both of us. Then last year I moved back here after my brother died. I looked your grandpa up. He still had the diner and we really talked for the first time since my arranged marriage. We were finally both ready." Judith explained.
"Oh" Louise whispered.
"I guess that's a lot to unload but I wanted to assure you I care about Bob. I care about Little Bob. I care about you and the rest of your family." Judith replied.
"OK" Louise whispered.
Linda grimaced at the sight of her dank room. For a place that was supposed to improve her mental state this sure was depressing. Though she deserved it. She deserved to suffer in a depressing hospital and through the pain of kicking alcohol. Though the headaches and shakes were beginning to subside. She had been horrified when she woke up on the third day of her stay. Three days, that's how long it took her to sober up, and learn what she had done. To learn she had not been sober since the day Tina died and that she had been so horrible to Louise. Though her worst atrocity was what she had done to her little Genie Weenie, letting him drink the way she did. How could she have been so blind? A nurse came and told her it was time for her afternoon session. She stood and slowly made her way to her counselor's office. She took a seat on the couch and nervously wrang her hands together.
"Good afternoon, Linda. How are we feeling today?" Dr. Rosenberg greeted.
"Alright" Linda sighed.
"That's good to hear. Let's get started shall we." Dr. Rosenberg replied.
"When our last session ended you asked me why I did it. I drank because. God when I lost Tina. When I lost my baby girl. The pain was unlike anything I'd ever felt before. When we got home from the hospital. I just wanted to be able to eat and sleep that night, but the more I drank. The less it hurt. When I woke up that first morning the pain was back, but I remembered the wine numbing the pain. Then they were talking about the funeral, and I could hear Bobby and the kids crying constantly. Bobby and Gene were bad enough, but Louise. Louise never cries and she was more broken than any of us. So, I did what I had to do. I just kept drinking. I guess it was a week later that Gene started. I wasn't that far gone yet. There was a part of me that knew I was wrong, but the alcohol put him at ease too. Bobby had gone back to work and Louise was shutting everybody out. I knew it was wrong, but I just wanted my baby boy to feel good again. I didn't realize it had gotten that bad." Linda explained through her tears.
"I have so many patients with the same problem. Unfortunately, not all of them are like you. They don't always see that they were in the wrong. That is how cruel addiction is, you are lucky. You saw the error of your ways and you want to get better. That is the first step. It is going to be a long journey. You will always be an alcoholic. You just don't have to be an active alcoholic. You have the power to stay clean." Dr. Rosenberg explained.
"How do I make it hurt less?" Linda asked.
"I will be with you throughout your stay here and I can recommend a therapist to continue your care upon your release. Doctor Harris is in your network, and he is great." Dr. Rosenberg explained.
"I know I can see you and other doctors, but it hurts so bad. I can't talk to a therapist twenty-four seven. How do I cope in between?" Linda questioned.
"It will take time, but you will learn to live with your grief. When you are out of here and you can see your family again. That will help too." Dr. Rosenberg explained.
"How can I face Gene and Louise again after what I did to them?" Linda questioned.
"If you would like the reunion can be done under either my supervision or Dr. Harris'." Dr. Rosenberg offered.
"I would like that." Linda replied.
Gene shifted nervously in his chair. Group sessions always made him nervous. The next youngest kid here was fourteen. Most residents were sixteen or seventeen. Most residents had tasted alcohol and freedom at unsupervised high school parties. The other kids were not encouraged to drink by their mothers. Rather their mothers had dragged them in kicking and screaming. Literally at least in the case of Duncan Fowler who had been admitted two days after Gene.
"I didn't even like alcohol." Gene admitted.
"Excuse me?" Dr. Kane asked.
"I don't like alcohol." Gene repeated.
"So, why'd you drink then?" A boy named Taylor snarked.
"I missed my mom. I had lost my older sister, and my dad and younger sister had shut me out. My mom was just drinking. I thought if I drank. We would bond again." Gene explained.
"Did it work?" Dr. Kane asked.
"No, it made things worse. I don't remember any of our conversations. I don't remember anything about the past six months." Gene explained.
"Did your mom push you to keep drinking?" Dr. Kane asked.
"Yes, but she was so drunk. It wasn't her. It wasn't me. It wasn't us." Gene replied.
"And drinking didn't solve your problems?" Dr. Kane asked.
"No" Gene muttered.
Louise closed her eyes tightly, praying she would finally wake from this nightmare. No such luck but at least she was not back in the hell that was the apartment after Tina died. No, she was sitting in the office of her new therapist. Pop-Pop and Judith sat in the waiting room. Louise wondered if people knew they were grandparents with temporary custody or if they were wondering how two eighty somethings had a kid young enough for a child psychologist. Though more than that she wondered about her family. She wondered if they were trying to get better or if she had lost them too. She wondered what would happen to her if her parents gave up and Pop-Pop and Judith died.
"Good afternoon, Louise I am sorry I am late." Dr. Miller greeted.
"It's OK." Louise sighed.
"Can you tell me about Tina?" Dr. Miller asked.
"She was the best big sister. She was my best friend. I know she knew she loved me, but I still feel bad for not saying I loved her. I feel bad about a lot of things." Louise explained.
"Such as?" Dr. Miller asked.
"I used to read Tina's diary. I used to mess with her things. I used to tease her for liking boys. I almost got her killed once. I almost got all of us killed once." Louise explained.
"What happened?" Dr. Miller asked.
"A pipe burst outside our apartment and this sinkhole appeared. This happened the same day this girl in my class Chloe Barbash called me a baby. I wanted to prove I was tough. So, I went into the sink hole and well there was a dead body in there." Louise explained.
"What like a house cat that fell into a storm drain?" Dr. Miller asked.
"No, a man a human man. He was skeletonized and his tooth fell in my mouth." Louise explained.
"That must have been terrifying." Dr. Miller replied.
"It was horrifying." Louise admitted.
"But you said you went into the sinkhole alone. How did that get Tina and the rest of your family almost killed?" Dr. Miller questioned.
"His name was Cotton Candy Dan. He was a carney on Wonder Wharf and at first, they were saying that our landlord Mr. Fishodor killed him. My parents had a loan payment due, and rent was due as well. Our landlord's brother was not as willing to accept an extension on the rent. I had to clear Mr. Fishodor's name and fast. So, I decided to solve the murder myself. Long story short we ended up trapped under the wharf. Being held hostage by our landlord's cousin. The one who really had killed Cotton Candy Dan. He was going to kill us, and I was a chicken, but Tina. She was a hero. She saved us." Louise explained.
"That must have been terrifying." Dr. Miller commented trying to maintain a poker face.
"It was. I almost cost Tina her life. She only got an extra five months, but she got extra time. That she almost lost because of me." Louise sobbed.
"Was Tina angry with you for your actions?" Dr. Miller asked.
"She definitely wasn't happy." Louise replied.
"Did you apologize to her?" Dr. Miller asked.
"Yes, but maybe it wasn't enough. Maybe she hated me. The rest of my family hates me. I deserve it." Louise sobbed.
"Louise, Tina did not hate you and the rest of your family does not hate you. They were all coping in inappropriate ways." Dr. Miller explained.
"Maybe I deserve to be hated." Louise sniffed.
"Louise, you do not deserve to be hated. You are nine years old and sometimes you do stupid and selfish things. It's part of growing up." Dr. Miller assured.
"What's going to happen to me?" Louise asked.
"You will mature and with continued counseling you can learn to stop being so impulsive." Dr Miller explained.
"No, I mean what's going to happen to me if my family doesn't get better? If Pop-Pop and Judith die? Am I going to be alone?" Louise questioned.
"Well in that case you would be placed in a foster family, but I would work with your social worker to make sure you were safe and if it could be helped. I would make sure that you stayed with Gene." Dr. Miller explained.
"Maybe I deserve to be alone." Louise whispered.
Rudy watched as the rain flowed down the window. It was really coming down out there. He was bored and miserable. His dad was out of town for some work conference and his mom and Paul were looking at a potential wedding venue. They had invited him to go along but he declined. The idea of sitting in the car for two hours and then spending another two hours listening to grown-ups talk and touring a building. Followed by another two-hour drive back home, sounded boring even to him. Though he had grown used to being bored. Ever since Tina Belcher died and Louise started ignoring him. Even more so since Louise had transferred schools. Her family was getting the help they needed, and Louise was staying with her grandfather and apparently her therapist felt it would be best if she changed schools. At least temporarily. So here he was alone and miserable. He hated how much Louise was suffering. His mind drifted to about a week before Tina got sick. It was the night of the monthly "We're still a family" dinners his parents insisted on having. He remembered running away to the Belchers. They were so happy. He was so jealous of them. Of how good they had it. Little did he know that just a few days later. The rug would be pulled out from under the Belchers and their perfect life was shattered. Rudy could not help but wonder if Louise was now jealous of him. How tragic would that be? For somebody to be jealous of his life?
"How you doin, Rudes?" Mandy asked.
"Bored I miss Louise." Rudy admitted.
"Is she doing any better?" Mandy asked.
"I guess she shut me out after Tina died. I've tried to reach out, but she won't accept me." Rudy explained.
"She will come around eventually but she went through a horrible loss. You need to give her time." Mandy explained.
"How much time?" Rudy asked.
"As long as she needs." Mandy replied.
Cheryl watched her stepson like a hawk. A month had passed since she discovered that Zeke was basically raising Louise Belcher and things had calmed down. Zeke was back down to one lunch a day and had gotten back on the wrestling team. On the outside he was heading back to normal, but Cheryl still saw red flags. He was withdrawn and nervous. He still cried himself to sleep every night and he just looked so broken. Family dinners had grown quiet in the seven months since Zeke had lost his friend Tina.
Zeke set his glass on Lainey's highchair and carried his plate to the sink. Lainey picked up Zeke's glass and poured the water into her mouth.
"Lainey! Don't do that!" Zeke bellowed slapping the glass out of her hands.
"Waaahhhhhh!" Lainey screamed.
"EZEKIAL!" Zack cried.
"Zack take Lainey to her room. I will deal with Ezekial." Cheryl ordered.
"Ezekial why on Earth did you do that?" Cheryl demanded. Even more concerned than she was before. Zeke loved playing rough, but he was never aggressive with Lainey or anybody besides Jimmy Junior and his other wrestling friends.
"I'm sorry! I know hittin' is wrong, but I didn't want her to die!" Zeke cried.
"How on Earth would she die from drinking water? She is eighteen months old, and she has drunk from a glass before. Plus, we were all right there. She wouldn't have choked." Cheryl assured.
"I didn't want her to get meningitis." Zeke whispered.
"What?" Cheryl asked.
"I didn't want her to get meningitis. Tina got it from me, and she died. I didn't want Lainey to get it and die." Zeke explained.
"What do you mean?" Cheryl asked.
"A couple of days before Tina died. We had this fitness test. Tina didn't have her water bottle. So, I let her share mine. Two days later she had meningitis and the day after that she died." Zeke explained.
"Is that why you took it upon yourself to take care of Louise?" Cheryl asked.
"Yes" Zeke replied.
"Well, you don't know that's how she got it and even if she did it was not your fault. As for Lainey. If you are really that worried, I can take her to urgent care tomorrow and if she shows any flu like symptoms. We will go straight to the ER." Cheryl assured.
"I would have never hurt Tina. If I did make her sick. What if she died thinkin' I did it on purpose?" Zeke questioned.
"Zeke, Tina was a bright girl. If she did know. She knew that it was an accident." Cheryl assured.
For the first time in four months Louise was reunited with her family. It was not the reunion she had hoped for. She was not back in her home and the reunion was not permanent. At least not right now. Rather they were meeting in another therapist's office. When the session ended. She would go back to Pop-Pop's, Bob would go back to Teddy's where he was staying, Linda back to Gayle, and Gene back to his foster home. Everybody was out of the hospital, but Bob and Linda had decided to take a trial separation and work on themselves. While Gene would be in the foster home for at least another couple of months.
"Louise I just wanted to say that I am so sorry. I know after everything I said it doesn't mean anything. You have the right to hate me and if you want to stay with Pop-Pop permanently I do not blame you." Bob apologized.
"I don't hate you. I could never hate you. You are my daddy. What you said hurts. It is going to hurt the rest of my life, but Dr. Miller told me that was not you. That it was not any of you guys. It was like Dr. Jeckell and Mr. Hyde. That you all still loved me." Louise explained.
"I am sorry too Louise. I hurt so much losing Tina. I was worried that my pain would impact my ability to be a mother. Drinking made the pain go away but it also made me a terrible mother." Linda apologized.
"I forgive you too. All the same things I said to dad, but I love you." Louise replied.
"I am sorry three, Louise. It's just you who shut me out. You shut everybody out and dad did the same thing. Drinking with mom was the only way I felt accepted. The way I felt like I was still a part of the family. Like I wasn't alone." Gene apologized.
"I didn't mean to shut you out, Gene. I love all of you. I was hurting too. I missed Tina but I felt like you guys had shut me out. Dad shut everybody out and mom was drinking, and then Gene started drinking. I was the odd man out. I tried to bring you back, but I didn't have the tools." Louise explained.
"You are so smart." Linda commented.
"That's what Dr. Miller said." Louise clarified.
"She said it, but you understood it." Linda replied.
"I am working to get better. Because I know you guys are working even harder and I just want us to be a family again." Louise explained.
"We will be a family again." Bob assured.
"And soon" Linda added.
"Very soon." Gene finished.
The session ended and the family was allowed to go out for dinner and ice cream. It would still be a while before they were reunited permanently but would never be soon enough for Louise. Her heart ached when the reunion ended but at least things were getting better. Her family was working to get better, and they still loved her. She returned to Pop-Pop's full of ice-cream and hope. She bathed and brushed her teeth. Before putting on her pajamas and heading to bed.
"Goodnight Louise, I love you very much and I will see you in the morning." Big Bob said kissing her forehead.
"Goodnight Pop-Pop." Louise replied.
"Goodnight Louise, I will tell you more about the summer I spent in Japan when you get home from school tomorrow." Judith said.
"I love you guys too and Judith I cannot wait." Lousie replied.
Louise watched as her grandparents left and listened as they walked down the hall. She rolled over on her back and gazed at the star stickers her dad had put on the ceiling when he was a teenager. She knew it was still going to be a long road but for the first time in almost a year. She had hope and that was the best feeling in the world.
"Goodnight Tina. We are all working to get better. Because we know that is what you would want." Louise whispered to the picture of Tina sitting beside her bed.
She rolled back on her side, held Kuchi-Kopi close, and closed her eyes. Before long she had drifted off to sleep and next thing, she knew she was back in her home. Her real home. She walked down the familiar hallway and heard familiar laughter. She opened the door and saw Tina and her dancing around under her loft-bed, the newest Boyz 4 Now CD played in the background.
"I kneeewwwww youuu liked theeemmmmmmm!" Tina sang.
"You better not tell a soul, or you are dead." Louise warned.
"Fine but I come back as a zombie and tell more people." Tina teased.
"Making you the lamest zombie ever." Louise laughed.
"The lamest zombie and yet your favorite zombie." Tina rebutted.
"Fine you are my favorite zombie." Louise agreed, pulling Tina into a gentle hug. Tina hugged back tighter than Louise liked but it felt so good.
"Enjoy this time, Louise." Louise whispered knowing this memory was just one day before Tina got sick. If only she had known. She would never let Tina go again.