A nice long chapter incoming! Claudine must now get used to living her life as a the richest nobleman's wife. What sort of things will this entail? Starting off with her POV again!
Disclaimer: I do not own Shoujo Kageki Revue Starlight.
Chapter 6. What's Your Favorite?
When Claudine wakes, the angle and heat of the sunshine touching her face isn't quite the same. Nor are the scents flowing in from the window to meet her.
It's morning; she can tell that much judging by how long her body had been still for, though she doesn't feel rested at all. If anything she just feels more lethargic, as if she'd had nothing but stressful dreams all night long.
As she pushes herself up, the mattress and blankets beneath her feel strange.
And then she remembers. She isn't in her own bedroom anymore. Her heart jolts with the realization that she's in the Tendo estate.
Yesterday… So much had happened.
She'd left behind her awful family.
She'd been taken away to the estate of the richest nobles in the empire.
She'd tasted good food for the first time, followed her future husband around and gotten the lay of the land.
She'd met a lot of very kind servants. All of whom Tendo had addressed by name. All of whom had seemed to genuinely like him. The way they'd acted around him hadn't been the one-time act of making him look good in front of his future bride.
No… Claudine knew. The way the servants had behaved had been years in the making. Clearly, Tendo was always kind to them, always said hello to them, always thanked them and offered to help them, in spite of his status.
And even his father hadn't been the tyrant most people made him out to be.
Claudine had been overwhelmed yesterday, so much so that she'd requested to lie down. Tendo had brought her to this room and let her be. Even now, Claudine can tell she is alone in this room. She lets out a long breath as her heart starts to calm down a bit.
This… isn't going to be easy… But I've at least got to memorize the property.
This seems like a manageable goal for today. She tries to focus on that, and not think too much about Tendo at the moment.
Claudine reaches toward the nightstand where she'd rested her cane the night before. But this bed is so much larger than her own, and she miscalculates the distance. She leans as she reaches, but still can't find the wood of the furniture, only the plush of the mattress. She inches over a little bit, stretching out her leg to feel for the edge of the bed. She'd fallen asleep dressed in what she'd arrived in, including her boots, and makes a mental note to bathe later.
At last, her fingers touch the corner of the nightstand, but her nail brushes against the cane and sends it clattering to the floor. Uttering a small curse, Claudine cautiously climbs her way off the bed and tries to feel for her fallen cane with her boots.
"Oh?" A female voice calls out from the other side of the door. "Are you up, Saijou-sama? May I come in?"
Claudine remembers the name that went with that voice.
"Rei-san, was it…? C-Come in." Claudine hadn't spoken to her much yesterday, but she liked to believe that she was a nice person. She hears the maid enter the room, and once Claudine has her cane in-hand, she stands to greet her.
"Good morning, Rei-san."
"Good morning. Did you sleep well?"
"Yes."
"Sorry. Stupid question. Of course you didn't, being tossed into all of this. You're a good actress, though. I almost believed you."
Claudine chews her lip. This woman was sharp.
"Don't look so defensive," Rei says. "I'm not going to hurt you. No one here is. I'm sure my master has already made that very clear to you. I hope one day you'll be able to find it in your heart to believe him. Speaking of-" She chuckles. "He's been worried sick about you all night and all morning. May I let him in?"
Claudine heaves a sigh. But she finds it isn't one of dreading to be in this person's company. Rather, it's a sigh of playful reluctance, that of an introvert about to make contact with their extroverted companion.
"All right," she concedes. "Please let him in."
"The lady is letting you in, Maya-sama."
Maya snaps out of her jumbled thoughts the second she hears Rei's whisper. Maya had spent the whole evening fretting about Claudine. When she'd asked Rei to check on her at nightfall, the maid had simply reported that she'd peeked in to find Claudine fast asleep on top of the bed, without having even gotten into it.
Maya had slept in a guest room and been on-edge all morning, all but begging Rei to let her come check on Claudine with her. The second she hears that Claudine has permitted her entry, Maya straightens up.
"Thank you, Rei."
"Take it slow," Rei advises. "Remember, she's a blind bird who's just gone from one cage to another. Only, instead of a bunch of cats stalking around her, now there's a dog."
"Is that better or worse?"
"She hasn't decided that yet. All she knows it's that it's different and she has no idea what to do about it."
With this, Rei takes her leave. Maya breathes in deeply before giving a slight knock on the door to alert Claudine to her presence.
"Saijou-san? Is it all right that I come in?"
"Quickly, before I change my mind."
Maya almost chuckles out loud. She's glad to see that Claudine's more fiery side is showing itself again, and that she isn't afraid to speak a bit curtly, even to Maya. Maya hurries in and closes the door behind her.
Claudine is wearing the same dress and boots as she had been yesterday, and her hair is slightly ruffled around her headband. Maya tries not to let the amused smile into her voice.
"Good morning," she begins.
Claudine dips her head.
"Good morning."
There's a pause, as neither of them are entirely sure where to go from here, how to act in front of each other now. Maya's throat tightens as she considers how to approach the topic she needs to discuss.
"Are you feeling all right? You seemed unwell when I left you yesterday."
"I'm fine," she huffs. "I'd just like to bathe."
"Of course. Though… there is something I must inform you of." Immediately, she notices how Claudine stiffens up, and her hazy eyes waver with uncertainty. Maya quickly tries to dash that emotion. "Please don't fret. It's nothing bad. But it is a lot to take in, so… perhaps you'd like to sit down?"
Claudine's eyes seem to study Maya's face, as if she really could see her. But after a moment she steps back until she feels the bed again, then sits herself on the edge.
Maya keeps her distance and sits beside her several feet away. A rush of heat fills her chest and all the way up her neck as she kneads her fingers against her pants, trying to think of the best way to say this. Claudine must hear her antics, because she gives a grunt.
"Are you going to tell me, or put a hole in your clothes?"
"Right," Maya laughs. "Well, you see… Last night after we parted, I went to see my father, and it just so happened that… he already had all of our papers arranged."
"Papers…?" Claudine tilts her head slightly. "What kind of papers?"
Maya swallows.
"Our marriage papers."
Claudine's jaw drops a tiny bit, but she falls dead silent. Maya continues.
"I discussed things with him, and we decided not to throw a formal ceremony. This would save you needing to be around your family again, and it would prevent the public from noting your condition. Of course, people still know, but we presumed it would be less of a hassle for you if we just skipped the ceremony altogether. Forgive me for not consulting you first, but-"
"Hold on!" Claudine shrieks. "Are… Are you saying that we're already…?"
"Married," Maya confirms a bit sheepishly. "The sooner it was official, the better."
"But I never signed anything!"
Maya bows her head regrettably. "Since your parents already signed off on you being my bride, your signature wasn't required. Everything was already done without your consent. And for that, I deeply apologize."
Claudine remains shellshocked for a long moment, with her eyes wide and her mouth ajar.
Once again, Maya tries to understand how she must feel. They'd only met several days ago, and Maya had whisked her away from the only life she'd ever known, and then informed her they'd already been married overnight just like that. She had tried to request to her father that they slow things down and allow Claudine to be present at such an important meeting, but he had informed Maya that the Saijous were demanding results immediately, and everything was already set.
Her reasons for wanting to skip the extravagant noble wedding ceremony were genuine though. Preparing for such an event would've added stress for Claudine, who had already been tossed into an entirely new life. It would spare her from having to be around her awful sisters and parents again, and it would spare her from the whispers of public ridicule about Maya's chosen bride being blind. Even if word still spread, omitting the ceremony would also omit any potential stumbles or embarrassing moments on Claudine's part. But even so, Maya feels terrible for having decided this while Claudine was unwell last night.
"I apologize," she says again. "I can only assume you've been dreaming of a wonderful, extravagant wedding ever since you were a little girl. Not only did I rob you of that, but I was unable to stop the paperwork from going through before you'd even been informed of it… It all seems terribly unfair to you-"
"Enough," Claudine sighs. "It's fine."
"Pardon…?"
"I may be blind, but are you deaf? I said it's fine. I never dreamed of a princess wedding. Blind girls don't get to dream about those sort of things… The best I was going to get was being sold off as an exotic concubine. So to have an actual husband at all… that's already far beyond anything I could've asked for."
"C-Concubine-?" Maya stutters. "Surely you jest-"
"Oh, I'm serious," she says. "My parents had all sorts of plans for me. None of which involved good food or a safe bed to sleep on… This is beyond anything I ever could've dreamed, wedding ceremony or not. So I should be thanking you." Claudine stands from the bed to face Maya and bows forward deeply. "Thank you, Tendo-sama, for choosing me as your bride. In return, I will do anything you ask of me."
"J-Just a moment!" Maya blurts out. "Please, lift your head, Saijou-san. I did not choose to marry you so that you could carry out chores and favors for me. I will not ask anything of you that you can't ask of me. So please…"
Claudine lifts her head, and her expression this time is difficult to read. Maya can only assume that her bride is still trying to get a solid read on her: was Tendo Maya a man she could trust? Or was he actually still putting on an act? Could Claudine be herself around him? Or was he simply waiting for a moment of vulnerability so he could pounce?
Maya understands that the way Claudine speaks to her and acts around her is going to remain inconsistent for a while until she figures out those answers for herself. In the meantime, Maya's job will be to make her understand that she is safe here, no matter what she decides.
At last, Claudine finally takes her seat again. Her curly, bed-headed hair that had spilled over her shoulders in the bow makes her look all the more beautiful. Her rose-colored eyes are void of any fears at the moment. Only conviction remains.
"The whole point of this was that we were to be wed, was it not? Well, now we are. What's done is done."
Maya admires her bravery to no end. So much has happened to Claudine within the past twenty-four hours, and until then she'd suffered a life of torment and abuse. For her to be sitting up straight now, peering blindly into the face of the person she hardly knows, the person who she is supposed to spend the rest of her life with…
Had Maya been in her position, she's certain she would've wavered, started to cry, or tried to flee.
But not Saijou Claudine. Even if she might be crumbling on the inside this very moment, she only shows her strength. And as much as Maya admires that strength, she does hope that one day Claudine will be willing enough to let her in to help her when she feels weak.
"So… we are-?"
"Married now, I suppose," Claudine affirms. "But I do find it a bit strange that I don't even know my husband's given name."
Maya's eyes go wide. All this time, she had never even realized that tidbit.
"Ah! I beg your pardon!"
"It's fine. You don't really have to tell me anything you don't want to."
"Of course you must know my name! As my wife!" Maya gets tingles when she says the word. This beautiful girl - Saijou Claudine - was now officially her wife…
"Well," Claudine prompts. "Let's hear it then."
Maya chuckles, glad that Claudine's true character is coming through now.
"Maya," she reveals. "My full name is Tendo Maya."
Claudine takes in the revelation and then tries the name out for herself.
"Tendo Maya-sama… It's an odd name for a man."
"Well, you see…" Maya already has the perfect fib for this exact situation whenever it arises. "When my parents found out they were having twins, they decided that if there was a girl, her name would be Maya. They intended to name the boy together after he was born. But being that my sister did not survive, and that my mother also passed and was not able to discuss my name with my father, he decided to honor my sister's memory and give me her name."
It was as close to the honest truth as Maya could let on without revealing her secret.
Claudine listens in attentive silence until she finishes, then bows her head.
"I see. I'm sorry for bringing up such painful memories for you."
"Please don't concern yourself. While it does sadden me that I never got to meet my sister or my mother, that also means I never really had the means to know or miss them."
"I think that's wonderful, that you were named to honor your late sister. May I address you as such, then?"
"Please, by all means."
"Maya-sama." When Claudine speaks her first name now, a warm, fuzzy trill spreads across Maya's chest, and she can't stop a smile from blossoming on her lips.
"Saijou-san. As of today, we are husband and wife. And I know our society promotes certain expectations of these respective roles. But I would just like you to be aware that I do not adhere to certain things entirely. That is… I hope you will find me approachable, someone you can come to for assistance, someone you can confide in. I swear on my mother and sibling's grave that I will never do anything you do not consent to. I will do everything within my power to make you happy with the life I have thrust upon you. I truly do wish you can smile here beside me."
She means every word of what she says. Even though they have only met and known each other for less than a week, Maya just can't help herself.
The way she feels toward Claudine is something she's never known before. She is enamored, excited, curious. She wants to learn more about her, take her to new places, teach her new things, let her dance and sing as she'd always wanted to. She can't explain why she feels such things. It can't possibly be love just yet, but whatever it is, Maya wants to feel it to the fullest.
But perhaps spilling out all of her heartfelt thoughts was a bit much so quickly. Because a second later, Maya notices a droplet slip down Claudine's cheek and fall off into her lap. A few more tears quickly follow. Maya's heart twists.
"S-Saijou-san-? Are you-"
"I'm fine-" Claudine snaps. She reaches up to wipe her face. "I already told you… I'm fine…"
Maya feels her throat tighten. To make her wife cry first thing after they've been wed was appalling to her.
"I… If you are unhappy with me, then please… just say the word and I will-"
"Idiot-" Claudine snorts. "When did I ever say I was unhappy? What an insufferable husband…"
It's then when Maya catches a glimpse of a smile behind Claudine's hands, and realizes she is weeping for joy. Relief. All the things she never thought she could weep for, given the hand she had been dealt.
She'd lived her whole life assuming she would be auctioned off to some rich nobleman as a prostitute, used and tossed aside again and again. She'd never once considered a decent life with a decent person, a safe house and good food, a room and a bed and people who cared about her.
Maya is thankful she'd stumbled upon Claudine as she had. She likes to believe Claudine will be thankful for her, too.
The comfortable moment is interrupted now by a gurgling stomach. Claudine's face turns bright with a blush, and Maya laughs.
"May I escort you to breakfast, Saijou-san?"
"H-Hold on…" she mumbles. "We're married now, aren't we? So you should use my first name too…"
"Eh? Ah… Y-Yes I suppose you're right. Claudine-san?"
"It sounds odd like that. You don't need honorifics."
"Then… Claudine?"
At this, Claudine lifts her hand. Maya smiles and reaches out to take it. She helps Claudine up from the bed, then guides her across the room.
The moment they exit into the hallway, the servants who had been cleaning all turn to greet and congratulate them on their marriage.
It takes them over ten minutes to get to the dining hall to eat - not because Claudine is blind and still learning the layout of the place, but because everyone keeps stopping them to congratulate them. It's not a bad reason to be late for breakfast.
When they do finally make it to the table, the maid who brings out their food is ecstatic as well.
"Congratulations on your marriage! Claudine-sama, please take care of Maya-sama. I know he can be a bit of a pain, but do your best!"
"Only a bit of a pain?" Claudine smirks.
The two of them share a laugh, and Maya can't help but grin until her face hurts.
She and Claudine enjoy their first meal together as husband and wife, which really just means everyone is coming up to talk to them as they eat.
After that, Maya continues giving Claudine a tour of the mansion. She pauses them at a few particular rooms though. Firstly, at a large library, complete with rows and rows of books.
"Here," Maya informs her. "Is where you will be given your lessons."
"Lessons…?" Claudine sounds genuinely confused. "Not on reading, I hope."
Maya laughs.
"No, not on reading. But on whatever else you would like. We will hire the best tutors and proctors for you - probably the very same ones who taught me as a child. You may learn about history, mathematics, politics-"
"H-Hold on," Claudine stammers. "Those things aren't proper for a woman to learn."
"As I've mentioned, we do not adhere to certain rules in this household." Maya, who is still holding Claudine's free hand, gives it a reassuring squeeze. "Everyone is entitled to a proper education. Even our servants and their families are welcome to learn. So naturally the offer extends to my wife as well."
A look of pure shock comes onto Claudine's face. Clearly, she'd never imagined such an offer. Maya can ascertain that Claudine had listened in on her sister's etiquette lectures and taught herself as much as she could on her own as a child. But there was only so much a blind girl could teach herself when the whole world was against her.
Now, with scholars who were ready and willing to assist her, she would be able to learn everything she ever wanted.
Once again, Maya sees tears in her wife's eyes. She reaches into her pocket to produce the same handkerchief she'd used when they'd first met, lifting Claudine's hand to touch the fabric to her skin. Once Claudine is aware of what Maya is doing, she inclines her head a little, and allows her husband to gently clean off her face.
"I'm sorry," Claudine whimpers. "This is so unbecoming of me."
"Please don't ever think such a thing," Maya soothes her. "As human beings, we are all entitled to our tears. Though I must admit, I do hope these are tears of joy."
"They are." Claudine smiles, pressing her cheek into Maya's palm through the handkerchief. "I've always wanted to learn how to write more than just my signature."
"Then you shall," Maya promises. "You may learn to write every language of the world, if you wish."
"Let's just start with Japanese," Claudine muses.
Once they've finished their tour of the library, Maya continues on with the tour, allowing Claudine to feel around the walls and locate the doors and windows of each section of the mansion.
They take their time, continuously being stopped by the maids for more words of congratulations, but eventually Maya brings Claudine to her next destination. It's a wide, spacious room, void of much furniture, intended for musical performances and dances.
"Mainly," she explains. "Here, you will be able to practice singing, dancing, and acting to your heart's content. You may request live music to be played, or just recordings. And though you are certainly already one of the most exceptional performers in the empire, you may take lessons if you desire."
Maya feels the hand in hers slip out, and when she turns to her wife, she finds Claudine staggering above her cane and overwhelmed by more tears. Maya flounders, digging out her handkerchief again and gently cleaning her off.
Claudine cries the hardest there at the parlor after learning she may pursue her passions of singing and dancing.
Once she's finally composed herself enough to continue, Maya brings her outside to the gardens, where she describes the layout of the ornately-trimmed bushes and shrubberies. Claudine guesses most of which flowers and plants are where based on their scent alone. Though there are a few she doesn't recognize, so Maya informs her of their names.
It takes them a while to finish touring the outdoor property. They finish at the stables, where Maya watches her wife pet the horses, who seem to understand that she can't see. The animals are very gentle with her from behind their stalls. But when one horse sneezes as Claudine is petting him, it causes her to stumble and lose her balance. Maya lunges forward immediately to steady her.
"Are you all right?"
Claudine is still for a second in Maya's arms before she quickly straightens herself up again.
"I'm fine. Though now I'm remembering that I haven't bathed or changed since yesterday…"
"Then please, allow me to escort you back to the restroom."
On their way back, Maya is thoroughly impressed to find that Claudine has already memorized a good deal of the hallways, even though this is only her first or second time traversing them. She can only imagine how freeing it must be for her to know that there are no ropes set up to harm her.
Maya brings Claudine back to the master bedroom, where by now, all of Claudine's belongings have been unpacked and arranged in the wardrobe for her. Maya watches her leaf through the articles, discerning them by touch; the fabrics, cuts, and layers. Claudine makes a few adjustments to the organization so things are to her preference, then chooses a clean dress.
"That's another thing." Maya speaks up after seeing Claudine's selection of clothing, and that most of them are rather cheap articles. "Should you want any new clothes or personal items, please do not hesitate to ask. As my wife, my funds now extend to you."
Claudine seems intimidated by the offer. She clutches her humble dress to her chest and shakes her head.
"I don't need anything like that."
"Perhaps not," Maya agrees. "But as you are now, you are allowed to want things as well."
Claudine seems to battle internally with the foreign concept of 'wanting' things, which Maya thinks is equal parts sad and adorable.
"Allow me to run the bath for you."
"I can do it myself," Claudine says. "And besides, I could call Rei-san or one of the maids if I needed to. You, as my husband, shouldn't have to do things like that."
"I beg to differ. I believe that it is because I am your husband that I should be willing to perform mundane tasks and be at your service."
Claudine gives her a long, blank stare.
"You're a strange man, you know that?"
"I have been informed once or twice, yes."
"But it's your estate," Claudine reasons. "Do as you please."
Maya leaves Claudine in the bedroom to gather whatever else she might need and heads into the restroom. She starts running the bathwater, ensuring it is a warm, comfortable temperature.
"The way I see it," she says. "The maids have enough other work to do. Why trouble them with more work when I am perfectly available and capable myself?"
"That's not a mindset most nobles have," Claudine points out. "But I don't dislike it."
As the tub fills, Maya wanders around the bathroom and searches the cupboards for rose petals and other healing oils to add to the mix. By the time the bath is ready, Claudine is too. She stands at the bathroom door with her change of clothes in-hand, waiting.
"It's ready." Maya invites her in, giving her a few small directions as she gets more familiar with the room. Claudine makes it to the bath and puts her hand on it, breathing in the scents of the petals and oils.
"Is it to your liking?" Maya inquires.
"Oui. You're an excellent attendant," she jokes. "But your assistance is no longer required."
"Oh? But I had planned on washing your back for you."
"You can't be serious."
"As a heart-attack."
"I don't need someone to wash me. And even if I did, wouldn't it be the maids?"
"But as husband and wife, skinship is quite important in order for us to deepen our bond."
"You… You're actually serious."
"Indeed I am. I would prefer we be as close as possible."
"Of course you would…"
"Only if you feel the same."
Claudine lets out a long groan of a sigh.
"Fine then. Under one condition."
"Anything."
"The towels stay on."
"Say no more."
With the ground rules established, Maya takes her leave from the bathroom entirely so they can both disrobe. While Claudine would never be able to glimpse Maya's body and discover her secret, Maya doesn't think it would be fair if Claudine had to worry about Maya stealing peeks when she didn't want it, hence why Maya had given her the room for privacy. Maya also begins to remove her clothes and drape them on the bed, until she is only in her undergarments and chest-wrap. She waits until she hears an invitation.
"You can come in now…"
Maya taps the doorknob and pushes inside.
"Pardon the intrusion."
Claudine is standing there wrapped in a large towel, clutching it securely around her chest. It's large enough to almost serve as a dress, so that Maya is barely seeing any more skin than usual. All that's new to her are Claudine's bare upper arms and ankles, and her headband had been removed to let her curls completely free.
Maya is astounded. This is the first time she's ever seen another woman naked, if you could call it that with Claudine's towel still concealing everything. But even so, it sends tingles through Maya's entire body.
She's thankful to have been raised as a man, because if she'd had to live her life as a woman, marry a man, and then see him in the nude, she knows she would've felt nothing but disinterest and boredom. She is infinitely more excited to see a beautiful girl like Claudine without attire.
Maya must get lost in her thoughts for too long though, because her wife soon turns cherry-red and blurts out.
"Q-Quit staring! Pervert!"
"Pardon me. You're simply so beautiful, Claudine."
"Idiot! You can't even see anything."
"Then why call me a pervert?"
"Because you are one!"
Maya laughs, grabbing a towel for herself before removing her final garments and wrapping it around herself. She rather likes this rule of keeping the towels. Not only does it make Claudine feel a bit more comfortable being naked around a person she assumes to be a man, but it would also help to conceal the shape of Maya's chest if Claudine were to bump against her.
"Ahem." Claudine clears her throat rather pointedly. "Do you intend to have me bathe in cold water?"
"Right. May I ask for your hand?" Maya inquires as much in case Claudine doesn't feel comfortable letting go of her towel. She contemplates for a moment, but ultimately concedes.
"Fine. But if you peek I'll slap you."
Maya is both surprised and amused by this statement. But she's also oddly happy in a way, because it means Claudine is comfortable enough around her to say such a thing to the man who is now her husband.
"I accept these terms," Maya says. She offers out her hand, brushing her thumb and fingers together like usual to let Claudine know where it is. Cautiously, Claudine reaches out to take it.
Maya understands that not even a noble's baths were designed with disabled people in mind, therefore she gingerly braces her free arm at the small of Claudine's back. She doesn't want to touch her anymore than is absolutely necessary for the sake of Claudine's comfort, but she would really rather not have her slip and hurt herself if it could be avoided. Claudine feels the bump of Maya's forearm and seems to be accepting of this arrangement.
"Take your time," Maya coaxes her. "Here. You can lean against me if you need to."
She guides Claudine to help her sit on the edge of the tub, then supports her as she slips her legs into the water. Maya feels her shiver as she adjusts to the warm water. She keeps her arms loosely around her wife until Claudine is submerged up to her shoulders, still keeping the damp towel around her body for modesty's sake. Once Maya lets go of her she straightens up to check her over.
"Are you all right? Is the water too hot? Does it bother your skin at all?"
"Would you-" Claudine catches herself as though she'd been about to snap, then breathes in deeply before trying again more calmly. "Would you stop worrying about every little thing? I'm blind, not made of glass. The water is perfect, you idiot. I was trying to enjoy it."
"I see. My apologies."
"You don't need to apologize… I didn't mean to be harsh. I… really do appreciate all of your concern for me."
Maya smiles warmly.
"I know you don't intend to be hurtful. After a life like yours, it's only natural that your first reaction is to lash out sometimes. But you're right. I would do well to remember that you are quite self-sufficient and don't need to be treated like an invalid."
"I've never gotten that sense from you," Claudine murmurs. "Like you're treating me like a nuisance. I can tell you're genuine. And… it's nice to actually have help with some things. So… thank you."
Maya is overcome with the urge to reach forward and hug her shoulders. But for various reasons, she has to refrain. Instead, she gets to lathering her hands with shampoo.
"Now then, may I wash your hair for you, Ojou-sama?"
Claudine sputters to hear the title Maya had first called her by.
"G-Go ahead…" Claudine sinks down up to her nose in embarrassment.
Maya grins as she carefully touches her hair for the first time. She dips the thick sandy locks into the water bit by bit, watching them turn brown.
Maya is very careful in touching her - especially her hair. As someone with long hair herself, she knows how painful it can be if the person washing it for you is rough or in a hurry. Thankfully, that hasn't happened to her since childhood though.
She takes care with Claudine, making sure never to tug or pull if she encounters a snag. Even as she lathers the top of Claudine's head, she doesn't dig her nails in too hard or let a single strand get tangled or snapped. All the while, Claudine is stiff and silent in the water below her. It worries Maya to the point where she can't stay quiet any longer.
"Claudine? I'm not hurting you, am I? Please, if anything hurts, you must tell me right away."
"No…" Claudine's voice is airy, almost wistful. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to worry you. It just… it feels so nice…" Her voice cracks, and Maya hears the hiccup as clearly as she feels Claudine's shoulders jolt with it. A droplet falls into the water, sending ripples amongst the rose petals floating there.
Maya's heart aches once again. For it to have taken twenty-two years just for Claudine to have felt the gentle touch of another human being…
Maya doesn't know what to say to her. She simply cups handfuls of warm water and begins to rinse Claudine's hair for her while she continues to cry.
Once her wife's hair is free of bubbles, Maya offers her a small dry hand towel from the sink. Claudine dips her face into the water to wash away the tears, then accepts the hand towel to dry off her face. Maya keeps a gentle hand on her back to show her support.
At last, Claudine gets her breath back and puts the hand towel aside over the edge of the tub. Maya offers a tiny smile.
"My apologies. It seems I've done nothing but make you cry."
"They're not bad tears," Claudine reminds her. "None of them have been."
"Even so, it pains me to see your tears. Please, tell me about something you enjoy. Something that makes you happy. May I wash your back for you?"
Claudine gives a slight nod, then sits herself up a bit, allowing the towel around her body to loosen. Maya gathers Claudine's wet hair and drapes it over one of her shoulders, then takes a fresh cloth and drizzles it with soap before pressing it against her back. She moves it slowly, feeling for herself just how slender Claudine's body is beneath her palm.
She tries not to look invasively anymore than is necessary, but she does end up noticing a few scars here or there on her back and around her sides. It's all Maya can do to prevent the boiling heat of fury from rising up.
Whoever caused her to acquire those scars be damned. But she'll never be hurt again. Not if I have anything to say about it.
Trying to keep herself calm, Maya pretends to ignore the old injuries and speaks to her wife levelly.
"Anything," she prompts her again. "What do you like, Claudine?"
Claudine gives one last sniffle, getting used to the slight push of Maya's hand against her back.
"Well… I love to sing and to dance."
"But of course. May I ask how you learned? Of course I understand how you learned music and notes, but I find it difficult to fathom how you learned to dance when you couldn't watch anyone else. And if you had no instructor to guide you by touch…?"
"I'm not really sure either," Claudine admits. "One day I was alone in my room and I heard a street performance outside playing music. I just started to move however felt right. I continued to do that whenever I was alone or had enough space. And eventually my sisters caught me and told my parents. They demanded I stop, told me I looked ridiculous…"
She pauses, and Maya doesn't press her. She simply continues washing her back in slow, soothing circles until Claudine is ready to proceed.
"But one day we had a guest over and he noticed me dancing. He said I was impressive, especially since I was blind. That's sort of what got my parents into thinking they could use me for entertainment. They told me to entertain the guests. And so I did. And those were the only times I ever felt like I was truly alive."
As sad as the tale is, Maya still smiles in the end.
"You truly love theater, don't you?"
"I do. I love dancing, and singing, and I love playing instruments. And if I could read, I would memorize the lines of plays and act them out myself."
"You will," Maya blurts out. "Or even if you can't read, someone will read you the lines and help you memorize them. Now that you're here, I promise that you will be able to do everything you always wished you could. Everything you never thought you'd be able to-"
This time, Maya cuts herself off when she gets choked up. She brings a hand up to her mouth to stifle her sobs. But Claudine still hears her and turns her head.
"Maya-sama?"
"My apologies."
"You don't need to apologize to me for letting your emotions out. If I am permitted to cry in front of you, then you should be permitted to do the same around me, don't you think?"
As lenient as most rules were for her, crying in front of others was something Maya didn't like to do. Men were to cry at night, behind closed doors, as the saying went. If she showed her emotions in front of others, the stigma that only women wept could rise against her, and jeopardize her secret. Such was Maya's fear.
But with Claudine, she didn't believe she had any reason to fear anything, let alone her own emotions.
"Yes," she gasps. "You are absolutely right, Claudine. I couldn't ask you not to hesitate in showing your true emotions to me if I intended to conceal mine from you. So… thank you for letting me do such a thing."
"Idiot…" Claudine is brave enough to release her towel with one hand. She reaches up out of the water and seeks Maya's hand, then grasps it gently. "You don't need to thank me for letting you cry in peace."
Maya half-laughs, and half-sobs.
After a moment, she composes herself and continues washing Claudine's back for her.
"What else?" she inquires. "What else do you like?"
Claudine ponders for a moment.
"I don't mind cooking and cleaning."
"Those are chores!" Maya exclaims. "What do you enjoy by choice? Do you like animals?"
"Mm… Horses, I suppose. And birds. But not rats. Or dogs."
Maya recalls Rei's previous analogy comparing Maya to a dog, and her shoulders slump. Until she remembers that Claudine never heard that analogy or thought of her as such.
"What about your favorite season?"
"If I had to choose, then spring. I enjoy the gardens."
"What is your favorite flower?"
"Hydrangeas."
"Your favorite food?"
"Whatever we ate yesterday."
"Your favorite instrument?"
"Piano."
"What about your favorite color?"
At this, Claudine bursts outright into a fit of unbridled laughter. It's so unexpected and so childishly adorable that Maya is left both confused and infatuated at the same time. She's convinced she's never heard a more beautiful sound in all her life.
It takes Claudine a moment to reel herself back in, but even then some giggles remain.
"Oh… Oh I haven't laughed that hard in… probably forever."
Maya blinks, still perplexed.
"Claudine…?"
Claudine turns back to her and blinks.
"You… weren't serious, were you?"
Maya blinks back, and then it hits her.
"Ah…"
Claudine bursts into laughter again, and it's contagious enough that this time Maya joins in. The two of them laugh until they're breathless. Claudine is clutching her sides from the ache, and Maya feels giddy and gleeful.
"My apologies," she says at last. "It was just my natural train of thought."
"Don't apologize," Claudine says. "I'd almost forgotten I could laugh until now. But if I had to choose a favorite color without remembering what they looked like… I guess I would say blue. I don't remember what 'blue' looks like, but I know that hydrangeas are blue. And the sky. Though, oddly enough, I like the concept of white as well. Untouched… It has the potential to be made into any color one wishes."
Maya is more than satisfied with that answer and the bout of giggles the mishap had elicited from the both of them. But there was something Claudine had said that had piqued her interest.
"Pardon. But did you say you don't 'remember' what colors look like? What I mean is, it isn't that you never knew at all…?"
Claudine leans back slowly against her touch as Maya continues to wash her shoulders.
"Oh, I suppose you wouldn't know. I wasn't actually born blind. Until I was three, I could see as well as anyone else could. So I guess I used to know what colors were, but I can't really remember any of them now. I just know based off what people say that certain things are certain colors, but I don't actually remember the colors themselves."
"You were born with sight…?" Maya repeats.
"Yes. A maid knocked over a bucket of cleaning detergent on me. It got in my eyes and I wasn't treated properly, so in just a few days I went completely blind."
Maya makes a hum of regret.
"My condolences."
"I'm over it. Maybe if I could remember what it was like to see, I'd be more torn up about it. But since this is the only life I've ever remembered, it's not so bad." At this point, Claudine leans back into the water to rinse off her back. "I can do the rest myself. Thank you, though."
Maya snaps out of her thoughts and hands Claudine the wash cloth.
"Of course. I shall do this for you as often as you need it."
"And what if I just want it?"
Maya smiles.
"Then all the more reason for me to enjoy myself as well."
Claudine smiles back up at her.
"May I ask you something?"
"Anything at all."
Claudine hesitates, as if considering whether this might be a silly question.
"What color would you say my eyes are? No one has ever told me and I never bothered to ask, but I've always been curious."
Maya has an immediate answer for that.
"The most beautiful rose-colored pink. The color of a warm sunset."
Claudine hums, seeming to like that answer.
"And what about yours?"
"Silver."
"That doesn't help me much."
"Right." Maya ponders for a moment, debating what Claudine might be able to relate the word 'silver' to. "Moonlight is often said to be silver. Perhaps the color of water at nightfall."
"How poetic."
Claudine doesn't say anything more on the matter.
So Maya stands, keeping the towel around herself as she walks to the bathroom door.
"I shall wait just outside. Should you require assistance with anything, please do not hesitate to call for me. Or if you would feel more comfortable with Rei-"
"I get it!" Claudine snaps playfully. "Now get out!"
Maya chuckles, then takes her leave.
She waits in the bedroom for a short while longer, until she can hear the water in the bath shifting and assume Claudine is standing to get out. There aren't any sounds of distress, though. Not even the clatter of a soap bottle that got knocked over because she doesn't yet know the placement of things.
Claudine dries and dresses herself without incident. Maya hears the lock click and turns to see her now adorned in a new dress, lavender in color. Her hair is still a few shades darker than normal, but the headband had been put back into place. But evidently, Claudine hadn't expected Maya to still be there. She jolts a bit when she senses her presence.
"Wha! Why are you still here?"
"Why wouldn't I be? This is my bathroom, after all. I was simply waiting for my turn to use it."
"Y…Your bathroom…?"
"Indeed. It is attached to my bedroom."
"Your bedroom?!" Claudine yelps, staggering back against the wall. "Wh… But you told me you slept elsewhere last night!"
"I did. But normally I sleep here."
"S-So… I slept in your bed last night?"
"Ah… I suppose I never mentioned that to you."
"No, you didn't!" she shrieks. "I… I thought this was my own room that you'd given me!"
"Not at all. Since we were to be married - and as of this morning we are - it only makes sense that we share a bedroom as husband and wife, yes?"
"I… But I…!"
"I apologize. But this is a matter I'm afraid I can't budge on. I wish I could give you your own room for the sake of your comfort, but due to various reasons… I simply cannot."
Mainly, only three other people in this estate knew that Maya was a woman. To all of the other staff, she was a man, and if Maya's own wife requested to have a room separate from her husband, people might assume Maya was being cruel to her. She needs them to maintain a good image as a proper couple and share the same bedroom.
"Of course," Maya goes on. "We need only share the same room. By no means do we need to share the same bed. I am entirely willing to sleep on a futon."
"H-Hold on just a minute…" Claudine is doing her best to get her bearings. "This is… our bedroom."
"As I mentioned, only for the image of our marriage. But I don't mind letting you have the bed to yourself. I'm sorry for springing this on you now. I neglected to inform you earlier. Please take some time to think about the sleeping arrangements you would prefer. If you'll excuse me." Maya dips her head and takes her leave into the bathroom to bathe herself.
It really had slipped her mind that she hadn't specifically told Claudine that this was their shared marital bedroom. She understands that must be a shock for her too.
Hopefully this is the last time I'll need to spook her anytime soon...
Maya refills the tub for her own bath, then removes her towel and submerges herself with a sigh. She's surprised when she hears a knock a moment later.
"Yes?"
"Do… Do you need any help…?"
Maya can somehow hear the fiery blush in Claudine's voice. She laughs heartily.
"Please don't concern yourself, Claudine. Dry your hair and rest, or go enjoy the gardens. I shall meet you there."
As much as she would love to have Claudine come wash her back for her, it was far too risky that her hand might slip.
"All right," Claudine replies. "I'll be in the gardens."
"I shall meet you there soon."
Maya hears the creak of the main room's doors as they close, and then there is silence.
She cleans herself off, spending a lot of time on her hair, still giddy and bubbling with excitement. When she's finished, she binds her chest once again and gets dressed in a fresh set of men's clothes. After drying off and cleaning up, she exits the bedroom and heads outside into the gardens.
Since Claudine still didn't know much of the property, she hadn't gone far. Maya finds her trying to enjoy the smell of some azaleas, while simultaneously trying to dodge the bumblebees by sound alone. The second Maya greets her, Claudine blushes instantly, still embarrassed about the bedroom situation. But even so, she allows Maya to continue escorting her through the gardens.
She guesses which flowers are where based on their smells, and Maya is proud to tell her she is correct almost every time. There are a few species of flowers Claudine isn't familiar with, so Maya describes them to her as Claudine gently touches each one and gets a feeling of their shape and sizes via the petals.
They spend the rest of the afternoon exploring the outdoor property, including the fountains and the small pond where Maya informs her a pair of swans had built a nest on the far side.
By dinnertime, everyone in the mansion had already found the newlywed couple and congratulated them, but even so the chefs throw a celebratory feast. Maya's father joins them, as well as all of the staff.
Maya is ecstatic and joyous, and the feelings only amplify when she finds Claudine smiling throughout the meal. There is even cake for dessert, and Maya is able to witness the look of childish wonder on her wife's face when she takes her first-ever bite of the treat.
After that, a bit of music is played, and Maya can see that Claudine is itching to move. But since she doesn't yet know the area, and since she'd just eaten, she refrains.
It's an evening full of fun and mirth. More than Claudine has probably ever had in her entire life thus far.
It's almost midnight by the time the couple say their goodnights and retreat to their bedroom. Only then does a hint of tension return to the air when thoughts of potentially sleeping together arise. Maya tries to ignore it.
"That was quite the evening," she sighs contentedly. "Again, I know it probably wasn't the kind of marriage ceremony you'd expected, but-"
"It was wonderful," Claudine assures her. "I couldn't have imagined anything better."
"I'm very glad to hear it."
Maya takes her turn in the bathroom first - and for good reason. She would rather be ready first so that Claudine could join her and place herself wherever she was most comfortable being. If Claudine settled in first and Maya joined her in a way she wasn't comfortable with, it would be all the more difficult for Claudine to relocate herself.
Maya cleans herself up and changes into her sleepwear in the bathroom. She used to remove her chest-wraps when she slept, but now if she was going to be sharing a room with someone who wasn't aware of her gender, Maya opts to keep the bindings on, just loosely. She does let down her hair though so it can get some freedom.
Maya emerges to find Claudine by the largest window, listening to the chirping of the night crickets outside.
"I'm going to read for a bit," Maya announces. She chooses a book from one of the shelves, then sits herself down in the large cushioned chair a good distance away from the bed. Claudine gathers her nightgown and heads to the bathroom. Maya notes that she's already able to navigate the bedroom without her cane.
She pretends to read, though she's far too nervous to obtain any real information. When Claudine finally does emerge, she's wearing a long white nightgown with her hair completely loose.
"Ahem." Claudine clears her throat, and Maya perks up immediately.
"Yes? Do you need anything?"
"I need you to sleep in your own bed," Claudine sighs. "I still can't believe I made you sleep in some guest room last night..."
"You didn't make me," Maya corrects her. "And as I said, I will gladly sleep here or on a futon if it makes you more comfortable."
"Knowing that my husband isn't sleeping properly in his own bed makes me uncomfortable," Claudine growls. "I'll feel much better if you sleep there."
"Then I do hope you plan to sleep on the bed as well? I'm sorry, but I simply refuse to let my blind wife sleep on a futon."
This is probably the only situation where Maya is willing to use the blind card against her as a pity factor, and it is only with good intentions. Claudine huffs.
"Fine."
Maya jumps up and all but throws the book aside as she hurries to the bed, turning off the lights on her way. She chooses her side first, allowing Claudine to join her at her own pace, and to maintain whatever distance she is most comfortable with.
Maya watches her, enthralled by the image of such a beautiful girl joining her in bed. Again, had she been known to be female, and thus would need to be watching a man climb into her bed right now, Maya knows she would have turned away and wanted to sleep on the floor.
But with Claudine being the one to join her now… She feels blessed that she'd been made to live as a boy all her life if it meant it would lead to this moment.
The mattress barely shifts beneath Claudine's weight. A single beam of silver moonlight slips through the curtains and catches in the curls of her hair. Everything about her just looks so soft; her hair, her nightgown, her skin…
Maya has to actively resist the urge to reach out and touch her. Her heart is doing backflips with how excited she is just to have such a lovely girl this close to her.
But after Maya has finished relishing her own merriment, she starts to see the other piece of reality before her.
For Claudine, she is getting into bed with a man for the first time. And even though she hopefully knows by now that Maya isn't someone who would take advantage of her, it's only natural for any girl to be nervous out of her wits.
Especially a blind girl.
Maya watches as Claudine lifts a hand to her chest and clutches at her nightgown. Her breathing becomes rough and a little frightened. Maya longs to reach out and embrace her, something that would've been permissible by way of comfort if they both understood they were both women. But given her current circumstances, Maya can't allow herself to do that.
What she does do is call out to her in the sweetest, most tender voice she can muster.
"Claudine…?"
She jolts just a little bit.
"I'm sorry. I just need a moment."
"Take all the time you need. All I want is for you to sleep beside me. Nothing more. I won't touch you. I promise."
Maya waits, though it agonizes her to see Claudine so nervous, like a rabbit expecting to be pounced upon by a wolf. Even if she trusts Maya, she just can't accept this gentle reality until she's lived it herself.
Eventually, Claudine turns toward Maya. Even in the darkness, her hazy rose-colored eyes are beautiful. When she speaks, her voice is thin, but doesn't waver.
"Maya-sama…"
Claudine slowly releases the vice grip she'd had on her own chest and shakily reaches out to her. Maya understands the meaning of this action immediately.
Please show me that I can trust you.
Maya doesn't miss a beat. She reaches out to touch her, only now that Claudine has indicated she wants the contact. She rests her upturned palm beneath her wife's and allows Claudine to rest the weight of her hand there. Maya doesn't do anything more than that, not until Claudine initiates and curls her fingers first. Then Maya mirrors the action and does the same. She can feel Claudine's pulse racing in her fingertips. Maya rubs her thumb over the back of her hand to soothe her.
Maya lies herself down first, so that her presence won't seem quite as intimidating when Claudine does the same. She keeps hold of her wife's hand, but not in a restrictive way. Only enough to hold her, but she gives enough leeway that would allow Claudine to pull away if she wanted to.
Gradually, Claudine catches her breath, and Maya can feel her pulse beginning to slow down. Once Claudine trusts that all Maya truly wants to do is sleep, she slowly lowers herself down as well.
Claudine lies on her back, while Maya faces her, watching her closely to make sure she doesn't relapse into a panic. But then she realizes that Claudine might be made more uncomfortable to have Maya staring at her. So being the good husband she is, Maya makes an offer.
"Would you prefer it if I turned around?"
Claudine inhales, then lets it out.
"No. You're fine just as you are." To prove her words, she squeezes Maya's fingers a little bit. Maya smiles.
"Very well. Are you all right? Would you like a glass of water?"
"You're such a busybody," Claudine mumbles playfully. "Just go to sleep."
"As you command, Ojou-sama."
Claudine's fingers twitch against hers, but ultimately relax.
"Goodnight, Maya-sama."
Maya threads her fingers gently with hers.
"Goodnight. Sleep well, Claudine."
At last, Claudine is calm enough to drift off.
Maya's heart swells with so many emotions. She shouldn't feel this way toward a girl who didn't even know the whole truth about Maya - especially since they'd only known each other for a week, and only been wed for a single day.
And yet, she just can't help it.
She'd never felt romantic love before, but now she knows this has to be it.
She loves Claudine.
She wants to protect her, and keep her safe, and make her smile and laugh.
She wants to sleep beside her every night and wake up beside her every morning.
She wants to watch her dance and listen to her sing.
She wants to help her learn everything she'd always wanted to know, and walk with her through the gardens, and go to festivals around town with her.
She wants to do everything with her, and no one else.
Not her mind nor her heart can calm down for at least another hour as they race with thoughts of it all. All the while, she can't stop gazing at her beautiful wife as she sleeps.
Eventually, out of sheer elated exhaustion, Maya closes her eyes as well, keeping her hand in Claudine's.
She falls asleep knowing just how hopelessly in love she is with another girl.
A girl who will never be able to see her, or know who she truly is.
A/N: So much happened on their first day being officially married! Maya did her best in every situation to make Claudine feel comfortable, and in the end it seems to have been a success! And is anyone surprised there was a wholesome bath scene? When it's 0mn and I working on an idea, that's just a given at this point haha
So where do they go from here...? Next chapter is the longest one!
Please review!