He couldn't see them but Victor could clearly hear the excited murmuring of the crowd outside as the audience took their seats. He was shrouded in darkness, separated from them by the thick blood-red curtain that hid the edges of the ring. His hands were rolling the wooden cane he held between his nervous fingers and there was a fluttering in his stomach that he hadn't felt in years. He was used to feeling nervous at the opening nights of his plays but that feeling was nothing compared to this. With his plays, his words and feelings had played out on the stage but that had all been performed by actors, his lines read out by complete strangers that had no link to him at all. He had been firmly and definitely separate. This time, it was very different. It was going to be him, standing front and centre of the ring with all eyes firmly on him and there was nothing he could hide behind.
He sighed. He knew he shouldn't have let Ciao Ciao talk him into this. He had been nervous at the time and it must have shown on his face as the ringmaster had laughed and pulled a burly arm around his shoulders, making him feel caged in.
"Don't look so scared!" His loud voice had boomed in his ear, deafening him and any chance of protesting. "I wouldn't suggest it if I didn't think you would be perfect! And come on, it's not like I can last forever! You wouldn't deny an old man time at home with his family, right?"
Victor had wanted to point out that time with his family still meant time at the circus but he knew the argument would have been pointless. It was hard to admit but the man was getting older. The accident last year had affected him badly and it was difficult to ignore that the lines in his face were more pronounced and streaks of grey were marring his ponytail. Victor could still remember his face when he had burst into Yuuri's room after being told the man was finally awake. He had been ecstatic but he had also looked so tired, like the energy had been sucked out of him and that look hadn't fully left for months afterwards. His performers had been telling him for years that he needed to take a break but he had only now started to take it seriously. Tonight was the first step of his plan to take a back seat in the running of the circus and the man he had chosen to step somewhat unwillingly into his shoes was Victor.
If Victor craned his head, he could see the audience as they piled in. He could see why Ciao Ciao liked this spot. He could see everyone as they filed in and took their seats but anyone in the audience would have to know exactly where to look to even catch a small glimpse of him. The clearest view was of the front row and Victor wondered how many times Ciao Ciao had scanned those seats, watching as the richest members of society took their seats with their noses in the air. He needed those people's money, needed their approval for his business to survive but also that they looked down on every last one of his acts, his people. Victor didn't know how he had ever stood it.
Tonight however, there was not a posh grimace or a haughty stare in sight. The front row was instead filled with faces that Victor knew very well, ones beaming with excitement as they looked around at the ring. Several of the performers had been given the night off, both to give some of the newer acts a chance and because it was such a special night. Victor could see Chris and Georgi sitting next to each other, both clearly on their best behaviour as Chris was in something you could consider modest and Georgi's face, almost clean of make-up, was shining. Yuri was sitting close by, dressed in black and purple with his hair pinned back. He was leaning back in his seat, trying to look angry at the whole ring but even from this distance, Victor could see his wide smile. In the centre of the row, Ciao Ciao sat with a wide expectant grin on his face. He had forsaken his regular scarlet coat in favour of a more subtle navy one but it still had gold trim on the shoulders, least anyone should forget who he was. Sitting next to him and animatedly chatting away, was Mrs Katsuki. She looked resplendent in an emerald green floor-length dress, covered in shining floral embroidery, and it matched the outfits of her husband and daughter who sat on the other side of her. The whole family still looked a little bemused, like they couldn't quite believe where they had ended up, and Victor couldn't really blame them. The circus was, from his experience, full of surprises and the Katsukis were still discovering that for themselves.
From the moment Yuuri's family had arrived at the circus, it had taken them into its heart. The first time Ciao Ciao had met them, they were rushing to tell him the news that Yuuri had finally woken up and, after learning that it was Ciao Ciao who had taken Yuuri off the streets as a boy, they had immediately accepted him as one of their own. After hearing about what Ciao Ciao had done for her son, Mrs Katsuki had spent the last few months trying to repay him in any way she could think of. She had made enough bowls of katsudon that he had had to have all of his trousers let out at the waist, she had tidied her way through his office like a hurricane with a feather duster and he suddenly found he never had to worry about his office supplies running low. In return, Ciao Ciao had helped them to move their small business into the building next door, making it an unofficial part of the circus and he insisted on paying them a salary that had made Mr Katsuki nearly fall over when he saw the numbers on paper. He had also moved them into the large apartment above the shop, where they shared the rooms with no one but each other. Victor had had a small hand in that, as he had used what remained of his good name and a few heaping spades of flattery to buy the place outright. He hadn't cared a bit about the cost; it meant that Yuuri's family got to stay close by and if that made Yuuri happy, he was happy too.
He continued to stare at his beloved's family and a small ache settled in his chest. Yuuri's family had shown him so much love in the past year that he hadn't known what to do with all of it and part of him still wished that his own parents would be like that. His father had kept to his brutal words from that fateful day. He hadn't seen or spoken to either of them; he wondered sometimes if they had even heard about the accident, if they knew the extent of his injuries. If they had, they had never sought him out to ask about them, never even sent a letter, and to all extents and purposes, he was dead to them, gone like he had never existed in the first place.
The news of his disownment must have spread quickly as, even thought he had never heard anyone mention it, it was obvious it had rippled through high society like a pebble thrown into a pond. He had seen it in the way people reacted to him, in the stares he now received when he was sitting in the circus audience or in how friends he had known for years had suddenly stopped speaking to him. Sometimes when he went out, he could feel himself being watched, like he had now become one of the acts in the circus. He was something of a wonder to them- the man who had had everything and given it all up. They looked at him the way you would stare after an exotic animal that had escaped from the zoo, or like a madman who had left the asylum. It had bothered him at first but he found after a while that he didn't notice them anymore. It was easy to ignore the bitterness of others when you had something worthwhile to go home to.
He loved being part of the circus but as he stared down at his white gloved hands and the gold topped cane, he pondered if this was going a bit too far. He had never done anything like this before and, even though Ciao Ciao had reassured him that he would be a natural, he felt far from it. Ciao Ciao and the others made it look so easy but he knew it was anything but. What if he was awful? What if he dropped his cane or forgot someone's name as he was announcing them? What if he was laughed out of the ring? He could never show his face around here again.
He looked down at himself, trying to draw some confidence from the glittering outfit that was hugging his body. Seung-gil had really outdone himself with this one. He had wanted to design something specially for this night but Victor had insisted that he didn't want to look exactly like the ringmaster, that he didn't want to look like a poor copy of Ciao Ciao. He had taken inspiration but nobody could look at what he was wearing and say it wasn't Victor to the core. The long coat that skimmed over his slim body was a shimmering dusky shade of rose pink and the gold trim at his shoulders had pink threads sewn into it. It lay over a puffed white undershirt that had a small sliver of his chest showing and long black trousers that made his legs look a mile long. Finished off with the long slender cane Ciao Ciao had let him borrow, the outfit made him look like the picture of a ringmaster but he didn't feel like one quite yet. He had hoped that it would protect him in a way, that it would feel like a suit of armour, but it left him feeling even more exposed, like his soul was on display for everyone to see. He peered out at the audience and felt his stomach clench. He couldn't recall feeling this nervous before.
His anxious thoughts were interrupted however, by the sound of familiar footsteps behind him and he smiled as a pair of arms hugged him from behind.
"I never thought I'd see the great Victor Nikiforov look so nervous."
"Yuuri!" Victor turned his head and pressed his face into a warm plush cheek, making the other man giggle. The rest of his body turned with him in Yuuri's arms, until they were chest to chest, and he hugged him close. "Shouldn't you be getting ready?"
"I am ready. Have you seen this?" He took a step back to allow Victor to see his costume and he delighted in the other man's gasp. "Do you like it? Seung-gil surprised me with it earlier. It looks like he had something in mind when he did…"
He smiled devilishly as he felt Victor's eyes sweep up and down his body hungrily. He was dressed in an almost exact replica of Victor's outfit, edited to be suited for the trapeze. His overcoat was cut much shorter, ending at Yuuri's waist, and it was coloured an electric blue. His shirt underneath was black and clung tightly to his figure and instead of trousers, he was wearing black opaque tights. His messy black hair had been slicked back and he gleefully held his arms out wide as Victor drank him in.
"Yuuri…" He said finally, in a voice that sounded breathless. "This isn't fair… you need to warn me, my heart can't take it."
"So… you like it then?" Yuuri asked, one eyebrow arched, and Victor closed the distance between them in seconds to take him in his arms.
"I love it." He grinned, letting his hands run down his sides and sneaking his fingers under Yuuri's jacket, making him jump in his arms. "Don't lie, you asked him to make this didn't you? You cheeky little thing."
"Maybe…" Yuuri's answer was whispered right into Victor's ear and it made him shiver. "He did let me have a preview of yours and I thought it would be a nice surprise."
"This is the best surprise I've had all day. You never fail to surprise me." Victor buried his head in Yuuri's shoulder, breathing in his scent as he felt Yuuri's hands clutch at his back. They held each other closely but carefully, all too aware of the scars left behind in the other's body. Yuuri never squeezed him too tightly, never wanting to hurt his chest, and Victor's hands never strayed below Yuuri's waist. It was unspoken but still there, an unwelcome presence that they had learned to live with as they both knew it would never leave.
"Are you OK?" Yuuri's worried eyes looked up at Victor's own.
"I'm fine darling. Better now that you're here." Victor looked down at Yuuri's blushing face and his grin grew even wider. He would never get tired of this sight, never grow weary of seeing Yuuri blush at his compliments or lean in to his embraces. He would watch him when he was in the ring, marvelling at every move he made, even if he was just walking up the steps to the rafters. Every time he saw him walking, it felt like a miracle. He was very conscious of the fact that things could have gone so differently.
Yuuri's recovery had been a long and painful journey, even after he woken up. Victor wished he could forget the first time he had seen Yuuri's legs, after the doctor had pulled back those blankets and brought the sheer relief and joy he had felt on Yuuri's waking crashing down. The doctor's faces had been grim and their words even more bleak.
"How you got away without an internal haemorrhage is beyond me." One of them had said as he looked down at the mass of dark bruises that littered Yuuri's skin and the unnatural angle that his left leg was bent at. "Both of your legs are badly broken. They can heal but they won't ever be the same again. You'll have to look at finding something else to do here kid. You won't be flying again any time soon."
However, what the doctors hadn't reckoned with was Yuuri's determination. He wanted to perform again, he needed to be up in the air like he needed to breathe, and he never wavered from his goal of getting back up there. He had grimly borne weeks of his legs being imprisoned in casts that forced his crooked limbs straight and, once they were finally off, he exercised them in the ring daily. The dancers had let him use their equipment and Yuuri would sometimes exhaust himself just forcing his legs to walk a few steps, his wobbling arms holding his body weight up on the bars. Victor frequently had to pull him back from overworking himself, watching him closely and stepping in when his hair was thick with sweat and his arms were straining with the effort of hauling himself around. He hated the fact that Victor had to help him move around the circus building in a wheelchair but Victor had never complained. He would have never admitted it to anyone but he had secretly loved getting to do things for Yuuri. He was such an independent man but he had had to rely on Victor and it had brought the two of them closer than they had thought possible.
Yuuri brought his hand up to caress Victor's cheek, smiling as the other man leaned into his touch. "I still can't believe this is happening."
"I know." Victor answered, placing a kiss to the centre of his palm. "We've been waiting for it for so long. But you deserve it. You've worked so hard to get back up there so enjoy it. And… please be careful."
Yuuri chuckled. "I will be. I know I have you waiting for me here on the ground."
Victor held Yuuri's wrist and gently kissed every joint of his fingers, smiling when his lips brushed metal. This had been another one of Yuuri's surprises from a couple of months ago, one that had been the best surprise of his life.
He had never seen it coming as it had just been a normal day. The two of them had set up an easy routine, with Victor working with Ciao Ciao in the mornings and then working with Yuuri in the afternoons. The evenings were what they both looked forward to as their own time, when nothing else mattered but the two of them. Ciao Ciao had let them both make use of the spare dressing rooms at the back of the circus, since Yuuri needed more space and, as much as he detested it, help from someone else whilst he was injured. Victor had been only too happy to offer his assistance and had moved into the circus permanently. The rooms were smaller and the circus nosier than his previous rented apartment in the city but he wouldn't have changed it for anything.
It didn't hurt that he got to help Yuuri with his recovery routine and he did everything he could to make it easier for him. He would help Yuuri into his bath, a warm one to ease his muscles, and he would massage his legs and wash his hair, even if Yuuri insisted he could do it himself. After a while, he learned that Victor couldn't be dissuaded and he let it happen. Victor would then carry him where he wanted to go, whether that was straight to bed or to his chair. Ciao Ciao had allowed them to put a fireplace in and Yuuri would sit beside its radiating warmth, usually with a book to take his mind off his aching legs. Victor had once caught him reading his old battered collection of his plays and had teased him so much about it that Yuuri had refused to speak to him for nearly a full day afterwards. In his mind though, it had still been worth it just to see his ears go red. He never tired of seeing that either.
That night, Yuuri had been unusually quiet. He would normally voice some kind of protest at what Victor insisted on doing for him or he would talk about the events of the day, asking questions about what Victor had been up to, but he had been carefully silent, like if he opened his mouth, something would spill out. It had been after that, once Victor had eased him into his chair by the roaring fire, that Yuuri had revealed his surprise. When Victor had turned to go to his own chair, he had unexpectedly grabbed his arm and, with a strength that took Victor by surprise, pulled him down to his level, so their eyes met.
"Yuuri?" Victor had asked confused before he looked down at Yuuri's other hand and all words fell from his mind. Sitting in his palm was a box of black velvet, with a gold ring in the centre that shone like a star. Victor could remember trying to speak, his lips moving wordlessly as he stared down at it but when his voice had finally returned, Yuuri had stilled it once again by putting his finger on his mouth.
"Victor, I…" Victor could easily recall how he had stumbled over his words. He had committed his speech to memory and it sent a warm feeling to his chest whenever he thought of it. "I've been trying to plan this grand speech for days but I still struggle with finding the words to tell you how much you mean to me. Ever since I met you, my life has been turned upside down. I knew your name before but meeting you and discovering the amazing person that you are has been the most incredible experience of my life. I didn't think I could ever be this happy. I know we have had… setbacks but with you here, I feel like I can do anything. I want you to know just how much I care about you and how much I want us to be like this forever. So, Victor… please stay close to me. I want to spend the rest of our lives surprising you."
They had later exchanged rings and vows in a private ceremony just for the two of them. The only other presence had been Makkachin, who had happily served as both witness and ring bearer. It had been quiet and intimate, both of them had cried and it had proved that nobody else's opinions mattered. They hadn't needed anything loud or over the top to prove their feelings to anyone and that was what had made it so special, especially to Yuuri. They couldn't get married, not officially anyway, but that had been the next best thing. It still gave Victor a thrill every time he looked down at his right hand, where his gold ring gleamed, and he loved seeing its matching partner on Yuuri's finger. It was a symbol of just how far they had come and how far they would go.
"Are you going to take this off when you go up there?" Victor suddenly asked, running his thumb over Yuuri's ring.
"Why would I do that?" Yuuri smiled at the crease of concern that appeared in Victor's forehead. He knew he was torn between wanting him to be safe and wanting everyone to know that he was his. He loved watching Victor's eyes linger on his hand when they were together, like he could hardly believe they were real. Not many people outside of their family and friends had been bold enough to comment on them but he had seen the way they stared at them and he took a perverse joy in the shock he saw on their faces. Before, he knew he would have been a nervous wreck on seeing those expressions, worrying about what strangers would think of him but now, he barely gave them a second thought. If Victor was happy with them, that was everything he needed.
"I will be perfectly safe Victor." Yuuri assured him, closing his hands over Victor's worrying fingers. "Ciao Ciao and Phichit have checked everything twice over and both of them said it was fine for me to wear my ring. Phichit also got the nets put up which I still don't want…"
"I know love. But you can't really blame him, can you?"
"No, no I can't." Yuuri sighed. The shadow of that horrible day still loomed large in the circus's memory and particularly in the memory of his best friend. He had thought Phichit was protective before but now he was so cautious and protective with Yuuri and his training that he had wondered if he was trying to put him off it for life. However, he had been overjoyed with Yuuri's progress and he eventually came around to the idea of Yuuri performing again. However, one thing had had insisted on tonight was having the nets out and Victor didn't think that would change anytime soon.
"You shouldn't think about the nets darling." He told him. "You're too good for that. Don't think about anything that's happening down here, your only focus should be up there. Focus on being free Yuuri. You've earned it."
"Thank you, Victor." Yuuri leaned forwards and pressed a short sweet kiss to the corner of Victor's mouth. "I needed to hear that."
"I thought so." Victor smiled as he cupped Yuuri's cheek and pulled him back in for a longer kiss. It was a long moment before they drew apart, eyes both shining. "Now, go on. The show's going to start soon and Ciao Ciao won't be happy if we're late."
"Alright. I'll see you later." Yuuri laughed at the way Victor childishly hung onto his hand, waiting until the very last moment, when both their arms were outstretched to their limit, before he let go. "You'll be great out there Victor. I know you will."
Victor smiled in response, watching Yuuri intently as he walked away. His walk was still a little stiff, his left leg still had the slightest of limps if you looked closely but it was unnoticeable for anyone who hadn't studied his walk the way Victor had. The accident, as they continued to call it, had left its mark but it would never define him. Yuuri had to acknowledge it but in the rare times they had spoken about it, he was frank and honest.
"It was my own fault. Your father may have said all those things to me but I could have just as easily ignored them. It was my doubts that got in the way. Still… I do wonder what might have happened if I had never fallen. I probably would have pushed you away again and it makes me sick to think that I could had missed out on this, on the relationship we have now. I won't say that I don't regret it as it hurt a lot of people but it brought us to where we are today. It's important to remember it but it's more important to move forwards from it. I refuse to dwell in the past when I didn't believe in myself and I so easily doubted you. I don't ever want to go back to that."
Victor remembered those words with a smile. Even though he was supposed to be the master with words, he didn't think he could have put it better himself. His and Yuuri's relationship had felt like a whirlwind, a tale worthy of his plays with just as many ups and downs. The path had been littered with misunderstandings, drunkenness and so much disapproval but all of it had been worth it. He thought about the man he had been when he had first met Ciao Ciao in the bar all that time ago and he wondered if he would still recognise him. That man had been the act, the one playing the part of the happy successful man but he had been hollow in the centre. He found himself smiling again. He may now be a part of the circus but this was all real, this was where he was supposed to be. This was him and nobody could take that away.
Victor turned back towards the audience and took a deep breath. The lights had dimmed over the audience, making their chatter die down, and a brilliant spotlight had appeared in the centre of the ring. There was a long moment of silence and Victor could feel the anticipation of the audience prickling his skin. This was it. This was showtime.
Suddenly, a figure swooped down from seemingly the heavens above and the whole audience gasped. Victor could feel it as it swept like a wave across the ring and he watched breathlessly as Yuuri, as light and effortless as ever, let go of his trapeze and spun in the air before grabbing hold of it again and flying away. He moved like a man taking a breath after being suffocated, like a mermaid who had just returned to the sea. He moved so naturally that no one would ever have guessed that he had been away from it for so long.
Yuuri leapt again from the trapeze and curled his body into a ball before uncurling again to be caught mid-air by Phichit. The other acrobat entered from the other end of the ring and as they soared over the audience, Phichit threw Yuuri back onto his own trapeze again. The audience, many of them with tears streaming down their faces in the dark, cheered and clapped with all their might and Victor grinned.
That was his cue.
His nerves washed away, he stepped forwards boldly into the spotlight, his arms held wide with his cane high up in the air. The audience cheered as Yuuri continued to spiral above him and he could feel the warmth of all their eyes on him. He had expected it to feel daunting, to feel fear rise in him like bile but all he felt was exhilaration. He knew Yuuri was watching him from above, with the biggest smile he could manage on his face, and that made him feel invincible. As long as he had Yuuri with him, anything was possible.
"Ladies and gentlemen!" He lifted his head high and his voice came booming out, loud and sonorous as more lights came on and the ring flooded with life. The dancers poured in from either side of him and the noise of the music and their feet rang in his ears. His senses felt overwhelmed but in the best possible way and, as both the music and the sound of the audience roared, it was like a tidal wave rolling over him. It felt almost like a cleansing, like all the stress and worry and problems of the last year were being washed away. He opened his eyes and felt like crying. This was his new life now; this was the start of a whole new chapter and he couldn't wait to see where it would take him.
"It is my pleasure to welcome you to the greatest show on earth!"
And its finally done!
There was a point where I thought this was never going to be finished but I loved the idea so much and I had so much planned and I'm so glad I finally managed to do it. I still love both Yuri on Ice and The Greatest Showman and I'm so glad I can watch that movie again without feeling guilty when remembering this fic lol
Thank you to everyone who left comments and kudos along the way and, if you want, please leave one here now that its all done.
Cheers! CursedRedRose