Hiccup stands in front of the mirror. Toothless stares at him in confusion as Hiccup stares at himself. It had been hard. His whole relationship with Astrid, it had been nothing but up and downs. He didn't think it had ever been easy.
Her, being abused by Sam. Him, leaving her for a job. He realized that most of it was his fault. If he would have just stayed, if he would have realized that she needed him more than he needed the job, all of this would have been avoided.
But, then he thinks of everything he accomplished, how much good he did out of a shitty situation.
He never should have hung out with Cami. He never should have entertained the thought. It seemed like him and Astrid were always going to be doomed.
"Relationships are hard work." He told himself, remembering what his dad always told him. He never thought much about it, since his father had been single for as long as he could remember, always saying that his mother was his one and only.
Although, the beginnings of Valka Jorgenson and Stephan Haddock were… sticky, to say the least. That was besides the point.
He always felt like all he was doing with fighting for Astrid. It wasn't easy, being with her. Not that he would ever blame Astrid for what she had gone through. He admired her for being as strong as she was.
But there was bad days, days that she would never get out of bed, days that she would accuse him of wanting to leave. But he didn't. He had always wanted her. Back when he was that skinny little hiccup, wanting the girl he could never have.
Then he got her, and lost her. Would life ever be easy? He was still picking up the pieces of a heart that he didn't break, of a soul he didn't shatter.
Of course it wasn't going to be easy. It was going to be hard, really, really hard. There were going to be days where he had to fight harder than others. But it felt like all he did was fight for her.
It hit him like a ton of bricks. "Toothless, we have to go." He ran over his bedside table and grabbed a box out of the drawer. He held it close to his chest and knew exactly what he had to do.
Astrid twirls a strand of hair around her finger as she sat on her childhood bed. She had never wanted to be back here. After almost four weeks of therapy, two sessions a week, she's learned more about herself, all the repressed trauma in her life. Not just Sam, but the death of her sister, the treatment of her by her mother. It was almost too much.
But she had to keep pushing, keep working on herself, bettering herself. The first step, was throwing away her trusty razor, the same razor that has been with her through it all. The same razor she picked up when she was fifteen and wanted to feel anything but the bruises that burned her skin.
Her therapist had told her, not just throw it away, but bury it. She thought Dr. Lovejoy was crazy.
"Bury my razor?" She had asked, sitting in Dr. Lovejoy's office, hands over her six month pregnant belly. "You're on crack."
"I'm not on crack," Dr. Lovejoy said. "You've been through a lot with that razor. It's like… almost like a child and a binky."
"You're comparing me cutting with my razor to some kid that can't let go of a binky."
"Or a comfort object. There's some adults that still sleep with the stuff animals they did when they were a child, or a blanket."
"Are you calling my razor my comfort object?"
"In a warped sense, Astrid, it is. You've always gone back to it, haven't you? Every time someone asked you that if you stopped, you've lied and said that you did."
"It usually wasn't a lie. But then life would get overwhelming and—"
"And you've always had that razor. So, do what parents do. Bury the razor like parents bury their child's binky."
"That sounds really traumatic for the child. I don't think I like that—"
"Just… do what I said. I think it would really help you."
So… she did. She got an old shoe box, grabbed her razor and a shovel and buried her razor, having a funeral for that part of her life.
And the craziest part… it was sad. She actually mourned that stupid little razor that she had spent the last ten years of her life battling with. She felt herself getting sad as she packed the dirt back onto the Converse box.
"Astrid?"
Astrid looks up and sees her mother standing timidly at her door. Her mother was never timid, Julianna Hofferson was the biggest force in the room. She was a commanding presence, much like Astrid was before…
Before Sam.
"Do you have time to chat?"
Astrid felt her walls go up, as they always did when her mother was in the room. Julianna sat down on the corner of her bed, looking around the room. "I guess…" Astrid whispers as Julianna sighs.
"Arianna was my golden child."
Astrid should have known that her mother was going to rant and rave about her sister. "And when she died… I lost a piece of myself."
"It wasn't exactly a treat for me either, Mom. I was there. I should have died."
Julianna winces, "If you had died also, I don't know what I would have done."
"Come on, you always wanted Arianna to live instead of me."
"What made you think that?"
"Come on, you haven't exactly kept it a secret."
"I dealt with my grief in my own way, I know it wasn't the best—" Astrid couldn't help the scoff that escaped her lips. "Astrid, please."
"Mom, please, this is twelve years too late."
"Just… let me explain. I should have protected you. It will always be my biggest regret that you went through what you went through, right under my nose."
Astrid winces, "It wasn't like I told anyone what was going on." It wasn't like her mother would have even noticed anything, her nose was always buried in a bottle or anywhere but Astrid.
"Astrid, I should have known. I'm your mother,"
Astrid realized that her mother would always play the victim. Her mother would always have the warped view of what happened in her life.
"You were too self-involved Mom. You never thought of anyone but yourself."
Julianna sighs and looks at Astrid. "You're never going to forgive me."
"Because I don't have too." Astrid admits to, not only to her mother but to herself. She had done so much work that she realized that she doesn't need to forgive her mother. "You're always going to be in my life, but I can't… forgive you yet."
Julianna looks around and stands up. "Well, when you decide that you're done being a child, I'll be here."
She storms out and Astrid flops onto her bed.
Scarlett was in her apartment, staring at the incoherent text from Hiccup.
Hiccup: Gone home. Astrid. Toothless, watch.
She grabbed her keys and purse to go over to his place to make sure Toothless was okay. She opens the door and sees Eret standing in front of her door, his arm up about to knock with Toothless sitting next to him, smiling.
"This dog was sitting here."
"What are you doing here?" Scarlett asks as Toothless runs in to her apartment, jumping up onto her couch and curled up in a ball.
"I just… I had to come and see you."
"Your ex-wife ruined my best friend's life." Scarlett crossed her arms
"I'm not responsible for Cami anymore. But… she doesn't matter anymore. I want to give us a chance. I want… I want you, Scarlett."
"I… I can't. It's too close to Cami and—"
Eret grabs her face and kisses her gently. If this was anyone else, she could have punched him right in the gut. But… this was really, really nice.
Eret pulls away and looks into her eyes, "I'm sorry, you were just… I had to kiss you. I should have asked."
Scarlett laughed and stands on her tiptoes, kissing him again.
"Are you done blaming me for my ex-wife's mistakes?"
Scarlett laughs and shakes her head. "Yes, I guess."
"Good…"
Astrid was sitting on her bay window seat, staring at the clouds moving across the sky. If she had one wish, it would be for Hiccup to show up and take her back.
But there was only so many times a person could fight for you. That's all they did in their relationship, was fight for each other.
But even then, she still wanted him to show up with his crooked smile and his awkward laugh.
The doorbell was a distant sound in her brain as she stared into her backyard. "Astrid, it's for you!"
She blinks a few times, coming back into reality. She climbed to her feet and slowly made her way downstairs.
And there he was. Black bags under his eyes, hair sticking out everywhere, shirt untucked.
And he was down on his knee.
"Astrid, will you marry me…?"
