Street wasn't sure how long he had spent riding around outside the city. The anger that had earlier flooded his veins at first turned to pettiness.

He didn't think he could take all of the blame for this evening. Sure, he had been in a foul mood all day, but JJ seemed to be pretty testy herself as soon as she walked through the door.

Street had fully intended on having a good evening with her, but the prospect of that flew out the window at the mere attempt at communication. Oh who was he kidding? The evening had been shot to hell as soon as he laid eyes on that little onesie… such a small object was anything but when it came to the memories and could have beens that it held.

The pettiness then quickly turned to guilt as he pondered the words he yelled to his fiancé. That was a fight he would never be proud of and he couldn't help but wonder how much he had hurt her.

Sure, she had asked him to be honest… and honestly, he did still harbor some of that blame, but was all of what he said true? Did he really think that it all came down to her pride? He wasn't exactly sure but the thought had crossed his mind. He hadn't meant for all of it to come out though. His instinct had always been to protect her. That's why he left earlier and more importantly, that's why he had been keeping all those thoughts and feelings bottled up. That, however, hadn't been working so well for either of them.

The thought of causing her any more pain was like a punch to the gut but maybe they needed this. Maybe dancing around the issues had caused more damage than anything else and it was time to get to the core of it. Either way, he knew they both needed to cool off for a little while, so with that in mind he took the next left that led farther away from the apartment complex.

JJ wasn't sure how to feel after Street left. The sound of the door slamming in his wake echoed through her mind as questioned what she had just stirred up. Street had only been trying to help earlier.

She had definitely overreacted to… well, everything… and it scared her. She used to never be like that. She was always slow to anger and considered herself rational, so had she really changed that drastically?

She had just sat down on the couch when something on the coffee table caught her attention. Tears immediately stung her eyes as she recognized the onesie. She gently picked it up and held it to her chest, wishing beyond anything that she could go back in time.

Again… she was suffering this same pain again. She had been given two chances to be a mother, to have a family… and she fucked them both up. Maybe she wasn't meant to be a mom, maybe this was life's way of telling her that she would only fail in the end.

With the onesie still cradled against her chest and an immeasurable pain in her heart, she laid down on the couch and cried herself to sleep.

Street had ended up at Luca's probably an hour after he left the apartment. Luca, though confused by his arrival, held off on his questions and instead welcomed him inside with the promise of leftovers and beer.

Street declined the food, not having much of an appetite all day, but he did accept the beer.

Chris was there too. She had been there ever since the end of shift helping Luca repair the kitchen faucet. It was clear that Street's former roommate had not gotten much better with home maintenance.

After a little while, Chris got fed up with Street and Luca hovering in the kitchen while she was trying to work. "Okay, guys, you gotta go. Take your beers outside or something. I can't concentrate with the two of you hovering over my shoulder."

Street raised his hands in mock surrender while Luca chuckled and ushered him outside to the picnic table. "C'mon, you and I both know that a pissed off Chris is not a pleasant deal."

"I heard that!"

The door was quickly shut behind them and they each took a seat on the picnic table. Luca seemed to study his friend for a moment before finally asking about his surprise visit. "Everything okay with you, man?"

Street took a long pull of his beer. "Nope."

"What happened?"

"JJ and I had a big fight." He let out a sigh, wondering what JJ was doing right now, how she was handling what had just transpired.

"I'm sorry, man."

Street shook his head. "I said some pretty harsh things then stormed off. She was just as ready to go at it as I was, but I shouldn't have said what I did."

Luca twisted his own bottle in his hands, voice grim as he spoke. "How's she been doing with everything?"

"Not good, Luca. She went back to work today but… I don't know. She won't tell me anything and she won't let me help her. She's still struggling, not so much physically as she was. Actually, her doctor said she was making good progress, but that doesn't mean she's completely healed. I don't know, man. It's all gone to hell." He stared off into the sky, which was growing darker by the minute.

Judging by his silence, Luca wasn't sure how to respond to that. Street didn't blame him. He wouldn't know either.

After a while, Luca's phone started buzzing and upon reading the caller ID, he jumped down from the table. "Sorry, Street. I need to take this. It's Terry."

Street nodded and waved him off. "Yeah, no worries."

The other man went back inside as Street finished the rest of his beer. It couldn't have been more than five minutes later when he heard the sound of the door opening again. He didn't look back but he knew it wasn't Luca this time. He could feel Chris's presence instead.

When she approached him, she didn't hesitate to fill Luca's empty seat, handing Street a nearly full bottle of whiskey in the process.

"Thanks. Did you finish the sink?"

"Yeah, it's all good." She shook her head. "I knew Luca wasn't paying attention when I fixed the one in the bathroom last year."

Street chuckled, handing the bottle back to his partner after taking a few hefty swigs. They sat there mostly in silence and he lost track of the time just relishing the feel of company.

Chris finally spoke up again after it was already well past dark. "I know it doesn't make it any easier but I'm sorry that you and JJ are going through this. You don't deserve it."

"I just feel like I'm failing, Chris. I know I need to be strong for JJ… I mean, after all she's going through the trauma of what happened with Scratch on top of everything else… but honestly, there's a distance between us that was never there before, and I don't know how to fix it. I don't think she does either." He left out the part about blaming JJ for their baby… he already felt guilty enough for that and everything he had said to the blonde before he stormed off. He couldn't imagine how his words had hurt her but he didn't know how to make it right either.

"You're both two of the strongest people I know, you'll find a way to get through it. Maybe you both need to find your own way to deal with the trauma before making it back to each other. You need to find yourselves again first. You can't be strong for her if you don't take care of yourself."

Street nodded, appreciating the sentiment and the next thing he knew, the bottle of whiskey was empty and he was feeling pretty buzzed.

Looking over at Chris, he could tell she was feeling it too. Her cheeks were flushed and her eyes glazed over and Street was suddenly aware of their close proximity… but he couldn't bring himself to mind.

Chris got ready to move from the table, but wrapped her arms around Street in a comforting hug. "I need to go, but call me if you ever need anything." Her words were slightly slurred, but Street nodded anyways.

Later, he wouldn't be able to pinpoint exactly how it happened… maybe it was the alcohol, or the overwhelming grief that he couldn't let go of… but before he could stop himself, he was leaning in closer to Chris. The feeling of her pressed so tightly against him brought back a surge of familiar memories and the whiskey was making it hard to form any coherent thoughts… or any reason why this was a really bad idea.

Time seemed to stop, and the world faded around him as the only thing he could focus on was her. The only move he made was to gently press his lips against hers and when she didn't push him away, he did it again with a bit more hunger. One hand came up to cup her cheek, his fingertips locked in her short hair while the other kept her pressed against him and hers slid down around his torso.

He couldn't exactly determine if it was seconds or minutes later, but a booming voice from the doorway shocked Street back into reality quicker than a bucket of ice water. He pulled away from Chris, only to see Luca staring at them with wide eyes and a disapproving scowl.

Street and Chris both jumped down from the table, Chris looking a little unsteady. "Street, I'm so sorry. I-I need to go."

Luca was the one to respond. "Yeah, Chris. That's probably a good idea."

She nodded, her eyes filled with shame, before grabbing her phone to call a ride. She was gone within a matter of seconds, leaving Street to deal with the fallout and their teammate's wrath.

JJ awoke with a start, her eyes immediately scanning her surroundings for any threats. She was still in her living room at home… safe.

Another nightmare, or memory, had disrupted her sleep and it took her a few moments to rid the images from her mind. Listening for any signs of Street, she was met with silence and deducted that he wasn't yet home.

It was already dark and a look at the clock revealed that it was going on nine o'clock and Street had been gone for almost two hours.

JJ carefully folded the onesie that had still been in her clutches, taking it to the bedroom as she went to grab her pajamas. Continuing on into the bedroom, the agent took a glance at herself in the mirror… immediately wishing she hadn't.

Her eyes were red rimmed either from sleep or crying, probably both, and dark circles were prominent under them as well. Her hair was a mess and she could feel a headache gnawing at the base of her skull. She needed a shower and hoped it would do her some good.

She quickly rid herself of her clothes and stepped into the hot spray. Closing her eyes, she was again met with the face of Peter Lewis, his taunts echoing through her mind… but then there was another image, another voice. One that was welcome and warm. The same one that she had used to get through Lewis's torture.

When she had been held by Peter Lewis, he subjected her to grueling methods of torture, both physically and mentally. JJ knew that the only way to get through it was to find an anchor. Street had been her anchor.

Anytime she needed to escape the reality she found herself in, she would close her eyes and think of Street… his smile, his laugh, his touch. Anything that allowed her to focus on the feeling of safety that encompassed her every time she was around him.

It was the same feeling that had always helped her through the aftermath of her nightmares too.

As the near scalding water cascaded down her body, JJ's mind drifted to one night a couple months into her relationship with Street. They hadn't been together very long, but it was a time where JJ already knew how much she could trust the officer.

She had been having a horrific nightmare, memories from Afghanistan and the events that followed plaguing her sleep. Street was there to pull her from it, and he didn't hesitate to wrap her in his arms and assure her that he was right there and she was safe with him.

The memory of that night was so vivid that JJ could practically feel the warmth of Street's embrace. A sob escaped her throat as she realized just how much she missed that feeling… how much she missed him.

She was terrified of losing him, always had been, but deep down in her heart she feared that she already had. She had been pushing him away ever since that night, and maybe this time she had pushed too far.

Tears began to stream down her face mixing with the water as she could no longer contain herself. She slowly slid herself down the shower wall, collapsing to the ground as the sobs wracked her entire body.

Luca turned around and went inside, leaving the door open so Street could follow. As soon as the younger man entered behind him, Luca rounded on him. "What the hell we're you thinking, Street?!"

"I-" Street found that he didn't really know how to answer that question. The whiskey was making it hard to focus, but it didn't stop him from realizing that he royally fucked up. "I don't know what happened, man. One minute we were just talking, and then…" He sank down onto the couch, burying his face in his hands.

"Then you stuck your tongue down her throat." Luca finished for him. "Does JJ know you're over here?"

Street's heart ached at the thought of the blonde. "No."

"So while she's at home grieving and recovering from a major trauma, you're on my patio making out with your partner?"

The alcohol was quickly wearing off, and the buzzed feeling he had only moments ago was turning to overwhelming guilt. How could he have done that? He still wasn't completely sure how it even happened but now how was he supposed to face JJ after this?

"How long has this been going on between you two?"

Street's eyes snapped up to Luca's. "No, it's not like that. Nothing has been going on with us."

"So that was the first time anything like this happened?"

He was silent and Luca must've read right through the look on his face.

"It wasn't." The other man was pissed, there was no doubt about it.

"It's the first time anything's happened since JJ." Street knew he needed to explain things to his friend before he got the wrong idea, but it was the first time this subject had been brought up in a long while. "After I got kicked off of SWAT, Chris and I got pretty close. We had a few moments, even talked about getting together… but then I got back on the team. We shut it down and never mentioned it again."

"Do you still have feelings for her?"

"No, not anymore. I did for a while, but that changed when I met JJ." It was the truth. Once he started seeing JJ, that was the end of the situation with Chris. He never thought about her like that again. He had just been glad to have Chris' friendship.

"Why'd you do it, Street? Tonight, I mean."

"I don't know. I'm struggling with how I'm feeling about JJ and… actually I've been struggling to feel anything except for grief and blame… and Chris, it just happened. I opened up to her and we were drinking and she just made me feel better for those few moments. I felt closer to her than I've felt to JJ in a long time. I know it's not right but…" He knew there was nothing he could say that justified what happened out on the patio, so he shut his mouth.

Luca, still undoubtedly pissed, eyed his teammate with a bit of sympathy. "Look, man, I know you're hurting, and maybe Chris gave you a sort of comfort… but that's not the answer to your issues with JJ. This is not going to help your situation. Think about what JJ's going through right now, how do you think this would make her feel?"

Street had never felt so ashamed. How could he have done this to the woman he was supposed to be marrying, the woman he could never picture his life without?

"Does she know about your past with Chris?"

He silently nodded. He had confided in the blonde about Chris early on in their relationship. It didn't feel right to keep it from her. She took it in stride, saying that everyone has a past. He appreciated her being so understanding, and not having a problem with it. The two women had even became pretty good friends over the past while, but now, Street didn't know what he was supposed to do.

"You know you're welcome here anytime, Street, but right now you need to go home to JJ and figure out how to make things right."

Luca was right but Street didn't think it was going to be that simple. Was he supposed to tell JJ about what just happened? Lying to her felt like an extremely bad move, but their relationship was already so fragile and he feared that telling her would do them in for good.

What in the hell had he just done?

A/N: So… I told you this would be major. Okay, I did borrow a scene from SWAT (the Stris kiss from 'Rocket Fuel') but I changed up the circumstances and dialogue. The next chapter will not be posted quite as quickly as the past couple, but I promise I won't leave you waiting too long. Thank you very much for reading and PLEASE let me know what you think!