The Betrayal
Disclaimer: all characters and copyright belong to SM.
Always On My Mind
Bella parked on the curb behind the Chevy sculpture and pulled the cell phone Edward had given her for emergencies out of the glove compartment. She dialed, keeping her finger on the 'end' button as the phone rang. Just in case.
"Hello?" Seth Clearwater answered, and she sighed in relief. She was way too chicken to speak to his older sister, Leah. The phrase "bite my head off" was not entirely a figure of speech when it came to the she-wolf.
"Hey, Seth, its Bella."
"Oh, hiya, Bella! How are you?"
Sad. Panicked. Desperate for reassurance.
She could have said any of these things, but didn't.
"I'm fine."
"Calling for an update?"
Seth apparently was beginning to know her as well as Jacob used to.
"You're psychic."
"No. I'm no Alice-you're just predictable." Seth joked.
Among the Quileute pack in La Push, only Seth was comfortable even mentioning the Cullens by name, let alone joking about things like Bella's nearly omniscient sister-in-law-to-be.
"I'm getting that easy to read, huh?" Bella responded ruefully. She hesitated for another few seconds. "So, how is he?"
Seth emitted a weary sigh. "Same as ever. He won't talk, though we know he hears us. He's trying not to think human, you know. Just going with his instincts.
"Do you know where he is now?"
"Somewhere in Northern Canada. I can't tell you which province. He doesn't pay much attention to state lines."
"Any hint that he might be…"
"He's not coming home, Bella. Sorry."
Bella swallowed down the lump building in her throat. "Its okay, Seth. I knew before I asked. I just can't help wishing."
"Yeah. We all feel the same way."
"Thanks for putting up with me, Seth. I know the others must give you a hard time."
"They're not your hugest fans." Seth agreed awkwardly. "Kind of lame, I think. Jacob made his choices, you made yours. I don't like their attitude about it. Neither does Jake. Of course, he isn't super thrilled that you're constantly checking up on him, either."
Bella felt the lump in her throat beginning to throttle her. "I though he wasn't talking to you?"
"He can't hide everything from us, hard as he's trying."
So, Jacob knew how much she was fretting over his absence. But that knowledge still didn't make him turn around and come home. Bella didn't know how to process that. In the past, anything he did to cause her pain, had him doing everything in his power to prevent it. Not now. The separation had begun. It hurt. She didn't know how she felt about that. Well, at least he knew she hadn't skipped off into the sunset and forgotten him completely. He might have imagined her capable of that.
"I'll guess I'll see you at the…wedding." She said, forcing the word out through her teeth.
"Yeah, me and my mom will be there. It was cool of you to ask us."
Inviting the Clearwaters had actually been Edward's idea, not hers. However, she was glad that Seth seemed enthusiastic about it. In a way having him there would be a tentative link to Jacob.
"It wouldn't be the same without you."
"Tell Edward I said hi, okay?"
"Sure thing."
Bella shook her head. The friendship that had sprung up between Edward and Seth was still something that she couldn't wrap her head around. It was proof, though, that things didn't have to be tense if both sides were willing to give a little ground.
Not everybody was in favor of this idea.
"Um." Seth said, sounding worried. "Leah's home. I have to go. Sorry, Bella."
"Oh, Bye!" Bella replied hurriedly, but the phone was already dead.
"I miss you already."
"I don't need to leave. I can stay…."
For a long moment, Bella considered the idea. Her ears were filled with the sound of her heart hammering, the broken rhythm of her ragged breathing, and the whisper of Edward's cold lips ghosting across the delicate skin of her throat.
Sometimes, in more relaxed moments like these, it was remarkably easy for Bella to forget she was kissing a vampire. Not because Edward seemed ordinary or human-she could never forget for a single second that she was holding someone more angel than man in her arms-no, it was more to do with the fact that Edward made it seem like nothing anymore, to have his lips against her lips, her face, her throat. He claimed he was long past the temptation her blood used to hold for him, that the idea of losing her had cured him of any desire for it. But she knew the smell of her blood still caused him pain-still burned in his throat like he was inhaling flames.
And this thought rather immediately killed the intimacy. And for once, Bella found herself pushing Edward away.
She opened her eyes and found his eyes open, too, and staring at her face. His expression curious and wondering. Their gazes locked for a moment; his golden eyes were so deep that Bella imagined she could see all the way into his soul. It seemed silly that this fact-the existence of his soul-had ever been in question, even if he was a vampire. He had the most beautiful soul, more beautiful than his brilliant mind or his incomparable face or his glorious body.
And once again, Bella found herself wanting.
Edward looked back at her as if he could see her soul, too, and as if he liked what he saw.
He couldn't see into her mind, though, the way he saw into everyone else's. Who knew why-some strange glitch in her brain that made Bella immune to all the extraordinary and frightening things that immortals could do. (Only her mind was immune, her body was still subject to vampires with abilities that worked in other ways than Edward's). But she was grateful to whatever malfunction it was that kept her thoughts private. It was too embarrassing to consider the alternative. For right now, during their passionate encounter, it wasn't his face she was picturing in her mind's eye. It was Jacob's.
There was a squeal against the window-someone deliberately scraping their steel nails across the glass to make a horrible, cover your ears, goosebumps- down-your-spine noise. Bella shuddered.
"If you don't send Edward out." Emmet-still invisible in the night-hissed menacingly. "We're coming in after him!"
"Go." Bella whispered to Edward, worried that the ruckus would disturb Charlie. "Before they break my house."
Edward rolled his eyes, but he got to his feet in one fluid movement. He leaned down and kissed her forehead. "Get to sleep. You've got a big day tomorrow."
"Thanks" Bella grimaced. "That's sure going to help me wind down."
"I'll meet you at the altar."
"I'll be the one in white." Bella tried to sound blasé, but her tone came out flat.
Edward's brow crinkled with worry. "You don't sound very convincing. It will be alright, love. I promise you'll feel more relaxed by the morning."
Suddenly, he dipped into a crouch, his muscles coiled like a spring. He vanished-launching himself out of the window too swiftly for Bella's eyes to follow.
Outside, there was a muted thud, Bella heard Emmet curse, and then all was silent.
Bella lay back against her pillow, finding to her surprise that she was actually feeling sleepy now. She stared at the walls of her little room, bleached pale in the moonlight, from under heavy lids.
Her last night in this room. Her last night as Isabella Swan. Tomorrow night, she would be Bella Cullen. The thought made her feel very disquieted. The whole marriage thing was like a thorn in her side, but if it made Edward happy…
Bella let her mind wander idly for a moment, expecting that sleep would take her. But, after a few minutes, she found herself more alert, anxiety creeping back into her stomach, twisting it into uncomfortable knots. The bed seemed too big, too empty, too cold. The more she tried to relax, the more she tensed up. It was ridiculous to be feeling this way. There was nothing threatening her. Tomorrow she was going to be marrying the love of her life. She should be happy. Glowing. On top of the world.
So, why did she feel so flat?
Bella wasn't sure at what point that she did fall asleep, but somehow, despite her mind being overloaded with worry, her eyes closed and she managed to drift off.
When Bella woke again it was still dark. She had no idea how long she had been under. She reached up to tentatively touch her face, and was alarmed when her fingertips came away damp with tears. She didn't know if she had just begun crying, or if her tears had run while she slept and simply continued now. She stared at the dark ceiling. She sensed it was still the middle of the night-her mind was still hazy. She closed her eyes again wearily and prayed for a dreamless sleep.
That's when she heard the noise that had awakened her in the first place. Something sharp scraped along the length of her window with a high-pitched squeal, like fingernails against glass.
Confused and still clumsy with sleep, Bella stumbled out of her bed and to the window, blinking the lingering tears from her eyes on the way.
A huge, dark shape wobbled erratically on the other side of the glass, lurching toward her like it was going to smash right through. Bella staggered back, feeling a wave of déjà vu wash over her. There was something very familiar about this scenario.
And then a familiar, husky voice called from the dark shape.
"Bella!" It hissed. "Ouch! Damn it, open the window!"
Bella shrugged off her sleep induced state and hurried to the window, a fresh rush of adrenaline finally activating her legs to move. She shoved the glass out of the way. The clouds were dimly lit from behind, enough for her to make sense of the shapes.
Jacob was clinging precariously to the top of the spruce that grew in the middle of Charlie's little front yard. His weight had bowed the tree toward the house and he now swung-his legs dangling twenty feet above the ground-not a yard away from Bella. The thin branches at the tip of the tree scraped against the side of the house again with a grating squeal. At this rate the noise was going to wake Charlie.
"What are you doing?" Bella whispered harshly, her tone a mixture of relief and anger at the sight of him. She blinked back her blurry tears, wondering if this was really nothing but a dream.
"Not now, Bella." Jacob huffed, shifting his weight as the tree bounced. "You need to get out of the way."
"What?"
Jacob swung his legs again, backwards, and forward, increasing his momentum. Bella finally realized what he was trying to do.
"Oh, god, Jake!"
Ducking to the side, she watched as Jacob launched his huge body toward the open window, before landing agilely in her room, landing on the balls of his feet with a low thud.
Automatically they both looked to the door, holding their breath, waiting to see if the noise had woken Charlie. A short moment of silence passed, and then they heard the muffled sound of Charlie's snore.
"Hey there, Bells."
It was only when he spoke again, that Bella finally realized that she wasn't dreaming. Jacob was there, in her room. Her hand flew to her throat, her head spinning as she fought the urge to collapse with relief at his feet.
"You look like you've seen a ghost."
"I have." Bella choked as soon as she could breathe again. "Jacob! Is it really you?"
"Its really me."
Bella stumbled toward him, tripping in her eagerness, thankfully his strong hands caught her before she fell. The heat from his skin burned right through the thin material of her skimpy pajama's as he pulled her close. He made no other effort to move, he just hugged her while she buried her face in his chest. He leaned down to press his cheek to the top of her head.
"Oh, Jacob." Bella was openly crying again now, she struggled to get her words out clearly. "I'm so glad you're here. Seth said – "
"I know what Seth said. Stop blubbering, Bella. Its just me."
"Just? Oh, Jake! You don't know how worried I've been!"
"Yes, I know."
Bella felt his lips brush her hair. A wonderful feeling of heat rushed through her chilled skin, warming her, soothing her frazzled nerves, making her instinctively mold her body around his, like two pieces of a puzzle that fit.
"Does Billy know your back?" She whispered.
"I'm sure Sam's told him. I'll go and see him…. soon." Jacob murmured, choosing his last word carefully.
"He'll be so glad you're home. Just like I am."
Jacob pulled back a little and straightened up. He left one hand on the small of her back and grabbed her right hand with the other. He cradled their hands to his chest. Bella could feel his strong heart beat under her palm, and she guessed he hadn't placed her hand there accidentally.
"I had to come back. To see you one last time." He said, his tone deeper and huskier than usual. There was a sadness in his dark eyes that made Bella's heart ache. "I'm glad I came. I didn't think I would be. But its good to see you….one more time. Not as sad as I thought it would be."
"I don't want you to feel sad." Bella whispered brokenly. More tears breached the rims of her eyes, and she lowered her gaze so he wouldn't see.
"I know that. And I didn't come tonight to make you feel guilty."
"I know-it makes me happy that you came. It's the best gift you could have given me."
Jacob laughed, unable to hide the bitter edge to it. "That's good, because I didn't have time to get you a real present."
Bella's eyes had adjusted to the dark now, and she was able to see his face now, higher up than she expected. Was it possible that he was still growing? He had to be closer to seven feet than to six. It was a relief to see his familiar features after all this time-his deep-set eyes shadowed under his black brows, his high cheekbones, his full lips stretched over his bright teeth in the sarcastic smile that matched his tone. His eyes were tight around the edges-careful. Bella could see that he was being very careful tonight. He was doing all he could to make her happy, to not slip and show how much this cost him.
And suddenly she hated him for it.
"Maybe you shouldn't have come back." She said, pushing away from him and stepping back.
"What?" Jacob looked genuinely surprised by her change in attitude. "I thought this was what you wanted. One last goodbye!"
"Not like this!" Bella snapped, putting her hands on her hips.
"Jeez, there is no pleasing you!" Jacob retorted through clenched teeth. "I wanted our last memory of each other to be a pleasant one. But clearly that's not going to happen now. Thanks a lot, Bella. Well done!"
All the bitterness and pain were reflected in Jacob's voice as he yelled at her, trying to keep his voice low, even when he wanted to shout his misery from the rooftops. He couldn't understand why she was treating him this way, especially as it had taken so much effort on his part to even come here tonight.
"When did you decide to come back?" Bella asked, changing tack again so fast it made his head spin.
"Consciously or unconsciously?" Jacob took a deep breath before he answered his own question. "I don't really know. I guess I've been wandering back this direction for a while, and maybe its because I was headed here. But it wasn't until late last night I really started running. I didn't know if I would make it." He glared at her sullenly. "Maybe I shouldn't have bothered?"
Bella dropped her angry pose, her shoulders slumping, her arms falling loosely by her sides. "I'm glad you bothered."
"Then why?" Jacob demanded. "Why are you so angry with me?"
"I'm not angry with you." Bella moaned. "I'm angry with me."
"Your moods are giving me whiplash, Bella, honey. I can't keep up." Jacob admitted, brushing his fingers restlessly through his shorn hair.
"You cut your hair again." Bella noted, feeling sad all over again. He had been growing it out again for her sake.
"Yeah. Easier you know. Thought I'd better take advantage of the hands. You wouldn't believe how weird this feels-walking on two legs again. And clothes! And then its more bizarre because it feels weird. I didn't expect that. I'm out of practice with the whole human thing."
"Oh, Jake, please forgive me." Bella pleaded, reaching out to him again. "Tell me how you are? I mean really tell me. Not just what you think I want to hear."
"I'm fine, Bella, really. You don't need to worry about me anymore. You can stop bugging Seth."
"I'm not just bugging Seth because of you. I like Seth." Bella retorted.
Jacob grinned, a genuine one this time. "Yeah, he's a good kid. Better company than some. I tell you, if I could get rid of the voices in my head, being a wolf would be just about perfect."
Bella laughed at the way it sounded. "Yeah, I can't get mine to shut up, either."
"In your case, that would mean you're insane. Of course, that is already pretty much well established." Jacob teased.
"Thanks."
"Insanity is probably easier than sharing a pack mind." Jacob's tone bitter again.
"Why are you lying to me, Jacob?" Bella demanded again. "You're sad. I know it. I can feel it. I can hear it in your voice. It written all over your face."
Jacob looked down at her and frowned. "Way to go, Bella." He spat sarcastically. "Its like you enjoy reveling in my pain. Okay, you want the truth? Yes, I am sad, I'm fucking miserable. Each day I wake up in torment, knowing what's coming. I came here, hoping to remember you like this. Pink cheeks. Heartbeat. Two left feet. All of that." He clenched his teeth, struggling with himself.
"I'm not dead yet!" Bella fumed.
Jacob stared at her in shock. He started to say something else and then snapped his mouth closed. Struggling again, teeth gritted against the words he didn't want to say.
Their relationship used to be so easy. Natural as breathing. But since Edward had come back into her life it was a strain. Because-in Jacob's eyes-by choosing Edward, she was choosing a fate worse than death, or at least the equivalent of it.
"He's not wrong,"-the traitorous voice in the back of her head whispered.
"It was a mistake to come here." Jacob shook his head, retreating toward the window. "Goodbye, Bella. I hope…I hope…." He couldn't get the words out, his face contorting in pain.
Bella felt that pain like it was her own. Her heart clinched in her chest. Her hands tightening into fists just like his, her eyes chock full of tears, just like his. They mirrored each other's body language, both feeling wretched, both unable to complete a sentence and say what needed to be said.
As Jacob took another slow step toward the window, Bella took a step forward. It was like there was an invisible string tying them together. He stared at her. She stared at him.
"Don't go, Jacob." Bella whispered in a voice she barely recognized as her own. "Kwop kilawtley."
Jacob froze as soon as the words left her mouth. They were the very same ones he had said in Quileute when he leaned in for their first kiss, right before they had been interrupted by the phone ringing. How many nights had he revisited that moment in his dreams, wishing he had never answered the call that had destroyed everything.
"Bella?" He said cautiously. "Do you know what you're saying?"
Bella answered him by stepping forward, rising on her tiptoes, and grabbing his face with both hands. Then, with eyes filled with resolve, she pulled his head toward her and kissed him.
A/N-thanks for reading, guys. Just a plot bunny that wouldn't leave me be until it was written.
