Title: Malek
Author: Meushell
Disclaimer: The characters are not mine…except the ones that are. :-D
Summery: Malek is captured by a Goa'uld, where he must learn to survive in a very harsh prison.
Rating: R
Relationships: Eventually M/M/F.

Notes: This is a weird ass, much darker, version of my story, Lantash, but also completely different. I can't really say much else without spoiling this one though.

- It's rated R for language, sex, violence, abuse, sexual harassment, torture, and offscreen rape.

- Malek's host is essentially the same Amb in my other stories. Same name, same personality, but he is bi instead of gay.

- Aldwin and Janet cameo.

- This is not a story for Pete fans.

1 - Old Lovers

~~2000~~

~*Lantash*~

Martouf closes his eyes. Someone is coming down the tunnel to our personal quarters.

"Martouf?"

A most welcoming voice. One we have not heard in over three decades. It brings back a flood of memories.

"Hello Malek." Martouf smiles a bit as my memories entice him. "It's good to see you again. How is Amb?"

"Tired. We both are."

"I would imagine," he says as he stands, giving me control. His mood is clear.

"Lantash. I was sorry to hear about-"

"Not now." I'm of a mood, and bringing up Rosha and Jolinar would kill that mood. Perhaps, more importantly, we have only recently stopped crying for them every night. I don't want to cry.

Malek frowns.

"We appreciate the sentiment, but that's not our mood." I caress the side of his head, touching his hair. Amb is beautiful, and I know he enjoys the company of men. I press two fingers down the back of his neck to caress Malek himself. "It's been a very long time."

"Different hosts then," Malek agrees. "Martouf is willing?"

"I'm insulted that you feel the need to ask." I understand though. Martouf has never shown interest in men since he blended. He fell in love with Rosha, then Jolinar, so quickly.

"I'm sorry. As you said, it has been-"

"Are you too tired?"

Malek responds by kissing us, eagerly. He pushes us to the bed. He and Amb had been undercover for over three decades. It's not surprising that the offer excites them.

"What's Martouf's preference?" Malek asks, giving small, but fierce kisses as he holds my wrists.

"He doesn't know," I admit. It's been over a hundred years since he blended, and he was barely an adult then.

"Exciting," he whispers. "We'll help him learn."

Since it's Martouf's first time with another man, I retreat so he can fully enjoy this new exploration.

:.:.:.:

"Her name is Samantha. She's Jacob's daughter." Martouf and I want to explain Samantha and Jolinar before anyone else.

"I wondered how a Tau'ri joined the Tok'ra."

Martouf kisses him gently.

"You like her."

I feel guilty. It's more than "like."

Malek picks up on that immediately from Martouf's expression.

"It does not matter," Martouf assures. "She does not feel the same about us. Lantash still makes her nervous. I don't know if that will ever change."

It hurts. It does. I don't mind if she doesn't love me. I don't even mind if she loves Martouf and not me, but… I fear that she finds me repulsive. A "snake." The term Jack loves to use. It's so insulting.

"She was taken by force…" He pauses. "I apologize."

"That, there, is how we feel every time we speak to her."

"Does he make her nervous, or does he hide because he thinks he does?"

Martouf doesn't immediately answer as we consider that. I made her nervous before, especially after she saw my, er, "passionate" views, as Martouf called them. After that…

"We don't know," Martouf admits.

"Have you considered telling her how you feel?"

"She has Jolinar's memories."

"She does?"

"That includes emotions."

"…Oh." He immediately understands the problem.

"Regardless, it can never be. She has made that clear."

"I understand."

Martouf kisses him gently. "I would like to…explore more, but…" He gives me control.

Are you sure?

Yes.

Malek gives Amb control, who immediately grins.

:.:.:.:

Could it ever be serious? I honestly don't know.

Martouf is working on the upcoming treaty with the Tau'ri. More time with Samantha. We can never be mates, but we will accept her friendship…even if she does not accept me. She makes us happy.

I don't like you hurting, Martouf thinks.

Our beloved hurt her. I will accept the consequences.

I feel a hand on me. Malek. I give Martouf control as he kisses our head. Martouf looks up to him, and now Amb is in control.

It is serious. It happened so quickly. My heart aches for them. I love them both. As does Martouf.

"You are…" Martouf says before they kiss.

"I think you are supposed to be working," Freya says with a particular object in her hand.

"Did you take a photograph of us?" Martouf asks.

She smiles.

Martouf chuckles. We are used to that from Anise and a few others. It's part of their job. From time to time, with permission from the council, I go through and look at the photographs and paintings. Past hosts. Young Martouf. Jolinar. Rosha. There even my larva painting and one photograph when I was in a tank as they searched for a host. That was a lonely and depressing month. Every host after enjoys it though, seeing the real me.

You are beautiful, Martouf thinks, picking up on my stray thoughts.

Freya goes back to work.

"What are you working on?" Martouf asks, curious.

I wonder how Sam would react to the real me.

"Zatarcs."

"They do not exist."

Would she shudder?

"You cannot deny something because you fear it."

"I do not fear what does not exist." She would not shudder. You are letting your fears cloud your judgment.

:.:.:.:

"We have a quick trading mission. Then I will be busy with the treaty."

Malek kisses us, pushing us to the bed, then retreats to give Amb control, who blushes. He is immediately pinned.

"Are you truly blushing after last night?" Martouf whispers as he reaches to undress him.

"That was mostly…" The back of his neck is squeezed, and we feel Malek shiver. Amb moans as Martouf kisses him, then turns away. He knows we are short on time, and he's in the mood for this.

"We should…" Martouf unties his pants. "…take this somewhere public. Then maybe…" Oil. "You won't blush so much."

Amb reddens at the thought, embarrassed, but also very intrigued.

"The mess hall?"

Amb moans as we slowly become one.

"The surface?"

Amb laughs. "Give the guards…entertain-" He stops short as my host strokes him.

"What was that?" Martouf teases before quickening his pace.

Amb has no words, only wonderful sounds as he moves with us.

~*Malek*~

I honestly have doubts about this treaty. The Tau'ri are impulsive. Sometimes irrational, and from what I have heard, our very nature disgusts many of them.

However, Martouf and Lantash want this. They got themselves involved with it. It must be important to them, and I respect that.

I love them.

No.

We are a fling. A substitute for their lost mates. A substitute for this Samantha.

We do love them, Amb insists.

We do.

I want to tell them.

They are leaving for the signing of the treaty. Let's not make them nervous.

After.

Yes, after. I say as I'm already looking for them.

"Malek."

Martouf's very voice makes me happy.

"Is there a problem?"

I take control. "No." We love you. "I wanted to wish you luck." Do you love us?

Martouf smiles.

He's so adorable!

He kisses us. "I'll see you soon."

:.:.:.:

I hear faint rumors that the treaty was signed.

So where is Martouf?

Jacob approaches us. His expression makes me worry. Something is obviously wrong, and where is my Martouf?

"What's wrong?" My voice trembles.

"Have you heard about zatarcs?"

"I thought the council dismissed that idea." The very idea terrifies me.

"They were wrong."

I frown, then realize in horror. "Where are they?"

Jacob's eyes flicker.

"Where?!" I demand as I stand. This is no way to speak to Selmak's host, but right now, I don't care.

"They are in stasis," Jacob replies calmly and quickly, "but they are not stable."

I rush to the lab, finding the stasis chamber quickly. No! Do they live? Martouf's uniform is bloody? Is Lantash still within?

"What happened to him?! Why isn't he being healed?!"

"Putting them immediately in stasis is the only reason they still live," Ren'al says.

Fucking liar. I glare. "I want the truth."

"That is-"

"If that were the only reason he was in stasis, he wouldn't be in full stasis. That makes it nearly impossible for Lantash to heal him. That prevents you from using a healing device."

"He's been healed as best we can. Aside from the bullet wounds, they were hit with the zatnik'atel twice."

"Yet he lives." How is beyond me. "Why are you preventing Lantash from giving him a chance?"

"Martouf is the only zatarc whose mind is still…intact."

The horror sets in. "You're sacrificing him? Who ordered this?" I step closer with fury.

"I will do everything I can to save him, but the scanners may not be enough to defeat the zatarcs." She sighed. "You know that he would agree."

She is right, Amb thought. I would do the same.

"I have administered the symbiote elixir. We need to run a full scan on his mind. It would be best to do that while he's in full stasis. After, we will give Lantash what he needs to heal him, but…regardless of anything else… They might be too weak. If Lantash cannot save him, then we must try to save Lantash."

"I need to be alone with them."

"Of course."

"I immediately reset the stasis chamber, then run the healing device over them." I feel relieved that Lantash does have elixir in his system, then guilty for having doubted her.

I still don't trust her.

I run a healing device over Martouf again. We will watch over him.

:.:.:.:

Thanks to Selmak, I've been tasked with studying the Zatarc program with Ren'al.

For months, Amb and I practically live in that lab. We sleep in there. We eat in there. We work in there. All the while, I heal Martouf and give Lantash the drug he needs.

They are getting stronger.

Aldwin and Anise are there frequently, doing the same work, but it's not their priority. Aldwin looks at some charts.

"Aldwin?"

"Tell Ren'al she needs to lower the dosage of the symbiote elixir. Half the dose, every other day. I'll check on them again."

"I have been giving it to Lantash, and he's getting stronger."

"The dosage was fine at first, but…" He shows me the chart. "It's in Martouf's system now, which means Lantash's body is filtering it out, making him work harder.

I look to them in worry.

"You have not hurt them. It was needed. Over time though, he will need less and less." He smiles. "That's a good thing."

"Thank you." He isn't currently a healer, but he used to be.

Before the work is done, I am ordered to another mission. I share Amb's fears with Aldwin.

He chuckles, clearly not believing me.

"Please, indulge me. I have been studying this program. Ren'al's knowledge and mine together. Why are they sending me away?"

"I'll watch over him, but yes, I do think you are being paranoid."

I shake my head, closing my eyes. I feel so tired. Suddenly, I feel the vibrations of a healing device. I jerk awake.

"Malek," Aldwin says sternly. "When was the last time you and Amb slept on the same time?"

"We don't have to sleep on the same time."

"You both lose quality of sleep."

I look to him.

"Answer."

"Since Martouf."

He gasped. "That's supposed to be for a few days. A few weeks at most. A year?!" He points to the bed that is next to the stasis table. "Sleep. Now."

"Martouf will die if we both sleep."

"That's ridiculous."

"I just…"

"Malek, I promise to watch over all of you."

"Thank you." I sigh, then lay down next to Martouf. I turn to his still form and reach out to him before giving Amb control.

"Goodnight, loves," he says.

We fall asleep.

We never told him we loved him.

He must have known to a degree.

:.:.:

As I dream, Martouf dies in all sorts of manners. Lantash usually follows after. I recognize them as dreams, even as I sleep, but I can't stop them.

Aldwin, always true to his word, is still there when we wake up. He immediately begins scanning us.

"That's much better, though your anxiety levels are still higher than they should be.

"Nightmares."

He frowns.

"How long did we sleep?" I know it was a long time because Amb's back is stiff.

"Eighteen hours."

I immediately begin checking on Martouf.

"Promise me you'll eat soon."

"I promise."

~~March 2002~~

It's been over a year after they were put into stasis.

My assignment is short, but in that short time, the base was attacked. I feel cold as Garshaw confirms my fears, that Lantash and Martouf have died.

Selmak approaches us, having been on Earth after the attack.

"I heard."

Selmak sighs, feeling guilty.

"Martouf died in a manner of their choosing and not unconscious in a lab. Lantash didn't wake to find he had been ripped from his host."

"We would not have ripped him out," Selmak replies calmly, but offended.

"No, not you." I close my eyes. "We have not slept well since this has happened."

"Their sacrifice saved my life."

"Then it was worth their death, but we both know the truth." It hurts, but Selmak's life is worth more than Lantash's. I would not hesitate to die for her as well.

Selmak looks to us. "Samantha."

"Yes."

"She is my daughter," Selmak says firmly.

I realize she fears that we will blame her for Martouf and Lantash's choice.

"I hope to meet her," I reply simply. I do not blame her for the fact that Martouf and Lantash loved her.

To be continued…