Disclaimer: I own nothing regarding GWTW
Author's Notes: Thank you for all the reviews and feedback.
Chapter Forty
At the end of September Rhett stopped by Hamilton House and Scarlett joined him on the porch. He had screwed up the courage to ask her about her conversation with Dolly Merriwether.
After Rhett had asked about the children, Tara, the store, and the mills. He casually said, "Mrs. Merriwether is a very nosy woman."
"Rhett, how dare you speak that way about your good friend, Dolly?"
"She was a means to an end."
"What end would that be? Proving that you could be as big a hypocrite as anyone else."
"You know why I did it."
"I know why you did it and that I don't begrudge you that. What I resent is that you manage to blame all your bad behavior on me."
"I never out and out blamed you for anything, but if they wanted to blame you, I wasn't going to stop them. You cannot imagine my surprise when those good women were happy to blame all of my misdeeds on you."
"Stupid cows."
"Why do you think they hate you so?"
"I have no idea, except as you said I am the fabulous Scarlett O'Hara. Even before the war the matrons in the county hated me."
"Was it because you were always stealing men away from their daughters?"
"I did that, but most of the men came to see me without any encouragement from me, like Charlie Hamilton."
"Yes, your first husband. Why did you marry him?"
"To spite Honey for talking badly about me and to have a reason to stay in Ashley's life." Scarlett gave Rhett a self-deprecating smile and said, "It doesn't get any sadder than that."
"That whole situation with Mr. Wilkes was as much his fault as yours. In fact, I would say it was more his fault than yours. He was at least ten years older than you. He was the one that was married. He was the one that should have nipped that relationship in the bud, or at least nipped it after the war was over instead of continuing to use you."
Rhett was holding his breath. Would Scarlett react well to his words or defend Mr. Wilkes?
Scarlett smiled at him. She said, "That is what you or I would have done, but Ashley was a weak man. A man that would take the path of least resistance even knowing that path was going to harm him and his family."
"It was good of you to send him to New York this time."
"From Melly's letters, they appear to be doing all right in New York, but one never knows with Melly. She sees everything through rose-colored glasses. She even thinks I am a good person."
"She thinks I am a misunderstood man who has a good heart."
"I don't even think you have a heart."
"Of course, I don't have a heart. I gave it to you."
Scarlett preened with Rhett's words. He smiled at her. This was the girl from the war years, before the bottom fell out of her world.
Rhett was trying to think of a way to get the conversation back on Mrs. Merriwether. He said, "It was my service in the Confederate army that caused Dolly to change her opinion of me."
"After you abandoned me at Rough and Ready like a weakling. Did you share that with your friend Dolly?"
Rhett went on like Scarlett hadn't spoken. He said, "She didn't blame anything on you."
"Ha! That's what you think. She blamed me for starting the war."
Once Rhett processed what Scarlett had said, he burst out laughing. He finally said, "You didn't?"
Scarlett just smiled at him. She said, "You don't know how many times I wanted to get in the old bat's face and repeat to her everything she had said to me when she was trying to talk me out of marrying you."
That made Rhett pause. He slowly said, "She tried to talk you out of marrying me?"
"Yes, I don't remember the entire conversation, but I remember telling her that I would marry you even if you had fought for the Yankees. That made her madder than a hornet."
Scarlett had laughed and Rhett had smiled. He said, "I never knew you had defended me to the old bat."
"No, I never told you. I didn't think you would care."
"You told me what Mammy had called me."
"Called us and then…."
"I hatefully called you that name. Then when you wouldn't talk to me for a week, I compounded my error by running off to New Orleans with your son." Scarlett stared at Rhett. He smiled and said, "For the fifteen years before we married, I had not had to compromise with anyone. You were just supposed to do what I wanted, although I had never told you what I wanted. The mansion is a perfect example. I told you that it was my gift to you. When you built a house that you wanted, all I did was carp about it. I complained about it, because it wasn't what I wanted, a home."
"Wow!"
"Another time I displayed my selfish, self-centered nature was on our honeymoon." Rhett smiled when Scarlett's eyes got big. He said, "No, not that. The fact that I did absolutely nothing to prevent you from getting with child, simply because I wanted a child. Of course, you know that now, but I wouldn't even tell you I wanted a baby when you told me you were with child. I was afraid you would use that knowledge against me. I wasn't a trusting person. I was probably a paranoid person. I probably still am."
"Do you even know how to prevent creating a child?"
Rhett with a self-conscious grin said, "Scarlett, I told you that I haven't got a clue, but I will find out all the ways."
"Why have you not already found out?"
"You aren't going to have relations with me until you can marry me, so there isn't any hurry."
"Are you saying that if I snuck into your hotel room tonight, you would turn me away?"
"Of course not, but I am also pretty sure that isn't going to happen. No matter how many times I have dreamed that it did."
Scarlett laughed and said, "No, it isn't."
"I am pretty sure not any of them are one hundred percent."
"No, the only way that is one hundred percent is abstinence."
"True."
"Why are you telling me all this?"
"I want to win your love back. I can't do that if you don't trust me to never hurt you again. Of course, I can't promise to never hurt you again, but I can promise to never intentionally hurt you."
"Why did you?"
"Because I was insane with jealousy. No more sharing tonight. I have shared all I can share for a while."
"All right. But let me ask you one question before we start talking about Ella's birthday party."
"All right."
"Does looking at my face bring you pain?"
"Why would looking at your face bring me pain?"
"Because our daughter looked just like me."
"She looked a lot like you, but not exactly like you. To answer your question, no, looking at your face never brought me pain. Seeing the pain and sorrow on your face made me feel guilty for having allowed your daughter to have tried that jump. I enjoy looking at you and all your expressions. You are a beautiful woman."
"Thank you, Rhett.
Scarlett said, "Now let's talk about Ella's birthday party. On the nineteenth we will celebrate her first birthday. Last time you were out of town."
"I was in New Orleans checking on some investments."
"Melly arranged the party last time and I was annoyed to have to miss work to attend my daughter's first birthday party."
"But we have both grown up since then. Where is it and what should I buy her?"
"Here and I don't know."
"How about a doll?"
"Sure."
"What time?"
"Three-thirty. After Wade gets home from school."
"All right."
"If you want you can stay for supper."
"Will that not send Miss PittyPat into a tizzy?"
"Probably. Everyone is talking about you already calling on me."
"I guess I will have to make an honest woman out of you."
"No, I told you I am going to marry Patrick. We had our chance, and we blew it."
"People who love each other as much as you and I do deserve at least a second chance. I know you still love me as much as I love you, but you are afraid because of our history. All I can say is give us another chance."
"Rhett…"
Anger had filled Rhett because of Scarlett's hardheadedness. He stood up. He made sure to keep his voice normal when he said, "No, just think about what I said. It is your choice. A life filled with love and excitement, or a life filled with tepid love and a hum drum existence."
"Rhett, I can't take all the excitement living with you brings."
Harshly Rhett said, "Fine. Take the safe route. It will be the first time in your entire life that you have." Rhett was almost at the curb, and he said, "Why did you marry me the first time? It certainly wasn't for my money. You didn't need my money then. Why did you tie yourself to another man when the man you wanted could become free at any moment?"
"Rhett, stop. Come back and sit back down."
"No, I will come by the store tomorrow. Go on inside."
As Scarlett watched Rhett walk away, she said to herself, "Because I loved you. I just didn't know it."
Later that night as Scarlett was getting ready for bed, she thought, 'It is going to have to be one or the other. Either Patrick, Melanie, and Tricia or Rhett, Bonnie, and the baby. I just don't know what to do. Patrick was kind, loving, and wonderful. Rhett can be amazing, wonderful, incredibly exciting. I love him to the moon and back. At one time I would have done anything for him. Well, anything, but give Ashley up. I just know I would rather live with boring Patrick than that horrible man Rhett turned into.'
That night Scarlett dreamed of Patrick, Melanie, and Tricia. It was more of a memory than a dream. It was a memory of when they had been happy living in Boston. The dream morphed into her, Rhett, and Bonnie. They were happy. Bonnie was probably two years old. Scarlett was very pregnant in the dream. She and Rhett were incredibly happy.
Scarlett woke up with a start. She didn't know where she was. As she got her bearings, she knew what the dream was meant to tell her. Yes, she had loved Patrick, but he had been more of a safe harbor in a storm than her one true love. He had been the anti-Rhett. Life with him had been calm and predictable. If she was honest boringly predictable, but safe. After the ten years she had before she had met Patrick all she had wanted was peace, calm and safety. In the ten years before meeting Patrick, her life had been like being caught in a tornado with so many twists and turns. It was amazing, she had known which end was up. Yes, there had been times in those ten years that the tornado had set her down, but before long the tornado had been back to whirl her away again.
Scarlett knew that she did indeed still love Rhett, but that didn't mean anything. As she had said right after Frank had run away, hers and Rhett's love was a toxic love. She laid in her bed the rest of the night wondering if people could really change. She had changed. She wasn't the same girl that Rhett had been married to. Could she and Rhett have the excitement of their love, but not implode upon each other? She wanted them to, but was it just wishful thinking?
Scarlett had gotten a chance to give Wade and Ella a happy childhood. She had a chance to get Melanie and Tricia back. But what about Bonnie and the other baby? She wanted them back again also.
As Scarlett got up, she pushed all thoughts of Rhett out of her head. She had to look over the books at the store and at Mr. Bailey's sawmill. Were either one of them making a profit? And if not, why not? She knew Johnny's mill was making a profit, but at what price to the convicts. She would think about that tomorrow.
