Dawn Meets The Avengers...Sorta
BOOM!
The very earth shook at that thunderous impact, causing ripples to move across the formerly placid surface of the small upstate New York lake. At the shoreline where a summer cabin had been built decades ago, the wood building swayed slightly and Dawn Summers sitting in one of the handmade Adirondack chairs on the lake-facing porch shot upright with a shriek of alarm.
Scrambling onto her feet to then seize hold of the bracelet on her left wrist, Dawn nervously stepped past the porch corner of the cabin. She looked behind the cabin at where the gravel road leading here curved out of sight into the surrounding forest to observe nothing out of place there. Shifting her gaze further on, Dawn saw a dust cloud still billowing upwards from the tree skyline about several hundred yards away.
Whirling around while still holding onto the bracelet, Dawn rushed into the cabin. This consisted of little more than a living room, kitchen, bedroom, bathroom, and a ladder leading to the attic loft with another bedroom. She skidded to a stop next to the living room table which contained her opened laptop and a skillfully-drawn parchment map of the cabin environs out to a mile away.
Dawn stared down at the map with growing bewilderment. The several softly glowing gold lines encircling the cabin every thousand feet had stayed the same color as before instead of the angry red shade indicating where Willow's wards would've been broken by hostile intruders.
The young woman standing there bit her lip with indecision. She could leave instantly using the charmed bracelet's magical teleportation function at the embarrassing cost of puking up her guts upon arrival at the Cleveland Slayers House. Wils had never managed to fix that little problem, so it remained the last resort for everybody even when in actual life-threatening danger.
Similarly, Dawn could touch the map while yelling "HELP!" and within minutes the main emergency response team stationed in their Scotland castle headquarters would arrive the same way. Since they were all Slayers these superhuman women had much better control over their upset stomachs than Dawn, but they'd still arrive in extremely nasty moods to thoroughly take out their annoyance with homicidal enthusiasm upon whoever'd dared attack Buffy Summer's younger sibling.
Worse of all, Buffy herself would be there too, trying her best not to hurl. That'd been the price for letting Dawn stay all alone and out of touch at the summer cabin for the last week.
There'd been no choice for Dawn, however. Trying to find some private peace and quiet at the busy Cleveland House to write her doctoral dissertation was simply impossible. After numerous interruptions, Dawn asked around the Slayers and Watchers to eventually arrange for one of the house staff lending their family cabin to this Summers sibling. Once that was done, all Dawn had to do was to talk Buffy into letting her go there without an assigned Slayers security detail hanging around and driving Dawn nuts meanwhile.
She'd executed a quite cunning plan, actually. First, getting Giles on her side and then Willow researching the area to find absolutely no trace of demonic activity there, now or ever. Nonetheless, the Red Witch laid down her strongest wards around the cabin that this supremely powerful caster could manage in between cooing how quaintly adorable the place was, all done up with its knotty-pine interior.
Even Buffy in the end grudgingly admitted the view was great while seated with Dawn at the other Adirondack chair on the porch, watching the sunset across the lake. Big sis was still completely baffled at why anyone would stay at someplace so far out in the sticks with no phone or internet service, but once Buffy completed her most thorough patrol that night without encountering even a single Gllywinz demon who ordinarily rivaled the ubiquity of cockroaches, the Prime Slayer had okayed the whole thing. Albeit with the precautions which Dawn was still trying to decide now if they should be carried out.
If that recent loud bang had a merely mundane explanation and yet she still decided to get the hell out of here, it'd wind up with a totally mortified Dawn in Cleveland plus feeling lousy for the rest of the day. Similarly, calling for rescue without an actual good reason wouldn't exactly endear her to a bunch of gagging Slayers all giving her the supreme stink-eye afterwards.
So, what could've that strange noise been? Some kind of accident, a car or truck crash? Maybe, but it was loud enough to sound like a fully-loaded speeding cement truck inadvertently ramming into the nearest immobile object. There was also the remote possibility someone nearby had for whatever reason set off a batch of dynamite, but Dawn couldn't think of any construction project close around which required either of this.
Dawn listened carefully through the cabin's screen door. Outside, the local birdlife had settled down again judging from their resumed cheerful chirping. Other than that, there was no indication anything untoward had occurred recently.
That decided her. Dawn picked up her laptop and closed it to tuck this computer into the small survival backpack placed on the table's chair. Given to her by Xander as a vacation present, the backpack had an attached water bottle now full, a tiny medical kit, several ration bars, a Leatherman pocket multi-tool, waterproof matches plus flint and steel, a couple of glow tubes, an emergency whistle, a lightweight Mylar rain poncho also serving as a blanket if necessary, and a bunch of wet wipes.
Dawn made sure her laptop was secure inside the backpack. She'd finished her dissertation on it yesterday and all it needed now was some final polishing before submitting this to the Oxford University Research Archive. There was no possible way she was going to leave her precious laptop here, not with how much time and work she'd poured into her essay.
Putting on the backpack, Dawn then checked Willow's map again. No change there, either. She folded it up and stuck this in her front pants pocket, leaving one end protruding from the pocket. Making sure she could touch that portion of the map without any trouble, Dawn went into the bedroom. A few seconds later, she came out carrying a small hunting crossbow.
The cabin was in a remote rural area where no local would've batted an eye at seeing that bare-bones compound crossbow without a scope or other accessory save for an underneath frame rack holding several spare wooden bolts. Though, a closer look at the bolts would've resulted in serious confusion by these same locals, given how the broadhead tips appeared to be something quite different from steel, a more lighter metallic shade kind of like silver…
Cocking the crossbow with the integrated crank in the stock, Dawn took out one of the bolts and expertly nocked it into the top groove. She took a test aim at the deer head mounted above the cabin fireplace, squinting over the sights, and nodded with satisfaction. It wasn't hunting season, but she could claim being out today with her crossbow just for target practice if ever asked about it by some nosy game warden.
Dawn walked out of the cabin and up the gravel path past a garage shed containing her rental Jeep and the propane-fired generator providing power for the cabin. The young woman next headed to the forest edge instead of taking the road. She certainly wasn't going to walk exposed on that stretch, all fat, dumb, and happy. Once she was in the woodland proper, Dawn shifted into a more cautious advance.
She progressed several careful footsteps at a time, making sure nothing leafy rustled or snapped under her descending boots and slipping past any trees and bushes. Pausing to watchfully listen hard while also looking around herself for any signs of motion, Dawn also made sure to glance up every once in a while. People never remembered that.
It was another sense organ which told Dawn she was getting close to whatever'd happened. At every step ahead, the smell of crushed wood grew stronger. The separate odors were even identifiable now, with a fruity scent like orange rind for red spruce trees. This was mixed in with wintergreen for yellow birches. Both types of trees matched her present location…and there was an open area beyond!
Dawn ensured she was behind the biggest tree she could find before peeking past it to see what was out there, crossbow held ready in her hands. Her fingers abruptly tightened in shock onto the crossbow while Dawn gaped at the revealed scene which was definitely weird even for the Scooby Gang.
In a small clearing created by the other trees formerly there now pushed entirely over or smashed to innumerable pieces, there was a crater in the ground. In the center of the crater, a huge, bright green male humanoid laid inert flat on his back, eyes closed and rugged face slack under a darker green close-cropped head of hair.
What specifically overloaded Dawn's mind at that point was that this demon was wearing purple pants and nothing else.
Wait, wait a minute… That last bizarre fact just reminded her of something—
Oh, yeah, the emerald man-monster at New York City what'd been caught on tape fighting the Chitauri invasion a while back. He was part of the recent superhero team in the Big Apple though Mr. Green hadn't been seen around there lately.
For once, Dawn would've liked Andrew to be here. This extreme nerd had expanded his geek horizons from just the fictional Star Wars/Trek universes to include all information available on those new costume wearers. Unfortunately, Andrew still bored to death everybody within hearing distance over exceedingly trivial details about these people.
Uncertain of the unmoving crater-guy's exact name — Heap, Bulk, something like that — Dawn wondered if he was dead. She couldn't see any blood leaking from under him…no, hold it. That was a real breath, slowly raising and lowering his bare chest.
Boy, did he have muscles.
What were her options now? Well, there was still using Willow's Magic Vomit Ride (a name which usually caused the witch hearing it to retire in a huff to her lair, muttering darkly about ungrateful poopyheads) back to Cleveland and then once she'd washed her mouth out, telling somebody about the green guy.
The second option was one Dawn instantly decided against. Bringing in a full group of superhuman women which the younger New Council members jokingly referred to as a scooby of slayers wouldn't end well at all. It was a sure bet that inside a single minute a pair of the summoned girls would impatiently dare each other to go down in the crater and give jade-jaws a poke somewhere on that magnificent body to wake him up.
Dawn peered around the tree again at the crater and its occupant. Absolutely no change there. Just relaxed, steady breaths and not the merest quiver passing over the craggy face.
Frowning, Dawn moved from behind the tree. Whoever she told, either by using the charmed bracelet or driving her rental Jeep to the small general store five miles around the lake where there was a landline phone (no cell towers around here yet), they'd want to know more about the whole situation but the only way to find out was to get a closer look.
With a deep sigh, Dawn knew this was a really bad idea. She nonetheless took a step closer to the crater, only to then realize what she was still holding. Examining the small crossbow in her hands, Dawn rolled her eyes at considering just how ineffective it'd surely be against somebody apparently capable of bouncing fired battleship 16-inch shells off his chin.
Setting the crossbow down against the tree trunk, Dawn gingerly approached the crater, her right hand gripping the bracelet all the while. One little twitch from what's-his-name, and she'd gladly be doing a technicolor yawn in the Slayers House basement.
She managed to get up and over the lip of the crater to then slide down the loose soil sides. Blinking at how much bigger he seemed to get while she sidled closer, Dawn stopped with the toes of her boots nearly touching the motionless green giant.
Running her gaze up and down the extreme length of the stranger's body, Dawn couldn't find any obvious signs there of injury. Unable to think of anything else, Dawn bent at the waist to bring down her head. She placed her right ear nearly against the middle of an enormously wide chest that looked like she could easily park her Jeep on it.
Thud. Thud. Thud.
Well, there didn't seem anything wrong with his heart—
A soft breeze tickled the back of Dawn's neck.
Freezing in place, Dawn eventually turned her head around to look straight into a pair of brilliant green eyes bemusedly examining her.
The monster then spoke in such a deep basso-profundo voice to make any Russian opera star weep copious tears of envy, "What girl doing?"
Dawn couldn't come up with anything better than the actual truth. "Listening to your heartbeat."
"Why?"
"I, um, wanted to make sure you weren't dead," came in a frantic rush of words from Dawn who only then realized how ridiculous that sounded.
Indeed, the monster himself pointed out with absolutely no trace of sarcasm in his tone which made it even worse, "Hulk talking to girl. That hard to do when dead."
Straightening up with a flaming face, Dawn yeeped and scooted back when who she now knew to be the Hulk also got up onto his feet without any trouble.
Gaping skywards at somebody who must be over eight feet tall, Dawn's mouth ran away from her again: "You're big. And green."
Giving a ponderous nod, Hulk agreed, "Hulk is big. Hulk is green."
He suddenly brightened further at the chance to say once again his most favorite boast. The Hulk thrust his fists over his head, tilting this back to roar towards the heavens at the top of his lungs, "HULK IS STRONGEST ONE THERE IS!"
Very content now, the Hulk put down his arms and glanced at where girl was…wriggling the tip of her pinky inside one ear and working her jaw at the same time?
When finished, Dawn informed her new acquaintance, "Hulk is also loudest one there is."
Before the Hulk could actually become offended, he was distracted by girl putting her hands on her hips and telling him, "Now that I remember how you bitch-slapped those flying space whales around, it would've really been nice having you at Sunnydale when Glory was trying to murder me and my family."
Hulk frowned. "Who is Glory?"
Trying to make it as simple as possible, Dawn explained, "A very bad woman from very far away that needed to kill me to get back home. She didn't care who she hurt doing this, but Glory was also faster, tougher, and awfully stronger than any of us. We finally took her down and my best friend Xander did a great job using a wrecking ball against her."
That earned Dawn an actual sniff of derision, along with "Hulk not need wrecking ball. Hulk have this."
The last stressed word came with a colossal green fist waved under Dawn's nose. Hulk then became quite confused when instead of frightening girl, she just smiled and reached out to pat the top of his fist.
"Like I said before, you would've been very welcome to join us in beating up Glory."
Hulk uncertainly nodded.
He watched how girl then looked around their location and back up at him. "Which reminds me, why are you here anyway?"
Dawn hadn't known the Hulk could actually pout.
The green giant grumbled, "Puny Banner kidnapped again, enemy stick needle in neck. He wake up in plane, make me save him again. Jump out of plane, it fly away. Land here to take nap before find something to eat."
As if on cue, the Hulk's stomach then growled ferociously enough to make every wolf in the world piss themselves in terror.
Dawn lifted an impressed eyebrow. "Well, come along with me to the cabin. I'll feed you there…no, even better, I might as well clean out the refrigerators with a barbecue for us both."
She wasn't joking. When Willow had magically filled the cabin kitchen with groceries for Dawn's stay, the witch accustomed to Slayer appetites had gone perhaps a little overboard. The spare refrigerator in the garage had also been crammed to its brim with more food than Dawn could consume on her own for a whole month, so the Hulk could have it all if he wanted.
The enthusiastic grin Hulk gave Dawn indicated he clearly liked the idea.
Several hours later, Dawn leaned back again in the porch's Adirondack chair and delicately burped after finishing her bowl of Chunky Monkey.
That noise was covered up by the slurping sound of the Hulk consuming yet another gallon of Ben & Jerry's best straight from the container with a single lick of his tongue. Tossing the empty with the others upon the tarp laid out on the ground next to the Hulk sitting there, he reached out for the next one.
Shaking her head in awe, Dawn smiled at the gaudy sunset displayed at the far end of the lake. It'd been a great afternoon, their barbecue and all the work leading up to it. Dawn didn't mind having the Hulk just watch her prepare the food. To pass the time, she'd told him stories about more Scooby Gang adventures at the Boca del Infierno.
As might be expected, the Hulk liked the violent ones the best. Buffy using a rocket launcher against the Judge had him chuckling, and how Mayor Wilkins was turned into scorched snake pieces in an exploding Sunnydale High made the Hulk whoop with bloodthirsty glee.
In between slathering several racks of ribs with smoky sauce, Dawn made a mental note to ask Willow for something to protect the Hulk against magical attacks. Physical assaults weren't the problem since even master vampires were defenseless against somebody who could pop their heads like a pimple with a squeeze of green thumb and forefinger. Dawn still didn't want to think of how dangerous an enthralled Hulk could be, so get Wils busy as fast as possible on that.
(The cooked ribs were savored with great appreciation by the Hulk, even if Dawn was a bit grossed out by him also crunching through the bones without any problems.)
Cradling her bowl in her hands, Dawn felt like showing off her immense happiness. A sudden inspiration had her start humming, and then singing out loud some very appropriate lyrics, all without looking over at where the Hulk had stopped eating to curiously regard girl.
Dawn's voice wasn't anything better than pleasant, but she was good enough to stay on key throughout the joyous lines she delivered over the lake:
"It's not easy bein' green
Having to spend each day
The color of the leaves
When I think it could be nicer
Bein' red or yellow or gold
Or something much more colorful like that
It's not easy bein' green
It seems you blend in
With so many other ordinary things
And people tend to pass you over
'Cause you're not standing out
Like flashy sparkles on the water
Or stars in the sky
But green's the color of spring
And green can be cool and friendly like
And green can be big like a mountain
Or important like a river or tall like a tree
When green is all there is to be
It could make you wonder why
But, why wonder, why wonder?
I'm green and it'll do fine
It's beautiful and I think it's what I want to be"
When she finished, Dawn turned her beaming face around, only to have her jubilant expression abruptly congeal at seeing a complete stranger sheepishly sitting where the Hulk should've been, holding up his suddenly baggy purple pants lest they fall off.
Facepalming, Dawn muttered through her fingers, "Story of my whole freaking life."
Author's Note: Pertaining to this chapter's title, it occurred to me before writing it that the dual Hulk/Bruce Banner personalities in one body can be truthfully described using the plural case for a single individual.
