"You still don't understand, do you?" Julia said, sounding disgusted with me. I could feel her body tense within my protective grasp.

I drew back, unable to comprehend how wanting to keep my wife and our children safe was a fault. "No," I answered. "Which by now should come as little surprise to you."

"I'm too exhausted to continue this conversation," she said with an exaggerated sigh.

Her words were an outright lie, which irritated me.

"I would do anything for you," I said, feeling as though I needed to defend my reasoning. "I have been arrogant, I have been selfish, and I have made many mistakes, Julia, but without a doubt I would never let anyone or anything hurt you, Alex, or Lissy."

"You would be willing to die for us," Julia said tightly. She gathered up her sewing materials and avoided looking in my direction. One by one, she tossed colorful spools of thread into a woven basket, which she then shoved onto the table beside her chair.

"If you were in danger, yes," I admitted cautiously.

"What if there was an alternative?" She watched me from the corner of her eye.

"What do you mean?"

She didn't answer readily, which gave me pause. Foolishly I exhaled sharply, frustrated by her coy response.

"You think of yourself as a sentinel," she answered at last. "You see yourself and your duty but not the consequences for everyone involved."

"The biggest consequence would be losing you, Alex, and Lissy. I would never forgive myself if something happened to you or our children. Quite honestly I doubt you would forgive me either if something happened to them."

"Our biggest consequence would be losing you," she replied. "I understand your desire to keep your family safe, but you cannot risk your own life, especially when Archie is more than willing to help you."

I started to speak, but Julia shook her head.

"Not a word about financial securities either, Erik. You already know that's not what I am talking about."

"I have no desire to tangle other people in my past," I said sternly. "My business is my own."

"Because of pride?" Julia questioned.

"No," I answered sharply. "I take little pride in my past endeavors."

As much as Leach annoyed the holy hell out of me, I did not want him confronting Nadir or the twins. I did not so much as fear for his life as I dreaded what Kamil or his brother Arden would say to Archie about my past. Julia thought my unwillingness to ask for help was driven by pride when truly my hesitation was fueled by shame.

I had to admit Monsieur Leach, for all of his irritating habits, he was a decent man, and for whatever reason, he had the utmost respect for me. His attempts at friendship were completely unwarranted-and if he held a conversation with Nadir, I could almost guarantee he would cut his ties to me at once.

Nadir-the Daroga, as he had been called-had known me when I was a much different person. In those days I had been a desperate, lonely, and foolish young man who had succumbed to a need for numbness. I had learned the true meaning of fear and suffering during my time spent in Persia. The torture I had witnessed and survived would have even made my father pause. Nadir, Kamil, and Arden were the only three people who had seen a side of me I longed to forget.

The mere thought of those dreadful days made the hairs on the back of my neck stand on end and my stomach churn. If hell truly existed, I had not merely been there, I had helped build it for the devil.

"You've changed," Julia said softly. She placed a gentle hand on my shoulder. "Just now. I can see it in your eyes."

As much as I wanted to tell her she was mistaken, I couldn't stop my hands from trembling. "Do not ask me to explain..." I said under my breath. I swallowed hard, unable to finish my sentence.

"I would do anything for you," Julia whispered. "When I became your wife, I vowed to stand beside you no matter what," she reminded me. "What disturbs me the most is that you say there could be men searching for you and you don't know their intentions. Do you know what immediately comes to mind?"

"The alley," I answered under my breath. That night had crossed my mind as well. Drunken aristocrats had failed to kill me, but men who had served the Shah of Shahs most certainly would not-if that was their intention.

Julia frowned and nodded. She reached up and ran her fingers along my forehead where she had stitched a gaping wound left by Raoul de Chagny and his intoxicated friends. "I sincerely wish you realized you are no longer alone," she said.

"I do," I said, my tone a little too defensive.

Julia didn't argue. She frowned and looked away, wrapping her arms across her chest. She shrank before my eyes, her face drawn with worry.

From the corner of my eye I saw movement in the doorway and turned quickly, finding Lisette pressed against the doorframe with her eyes wide and arms grasped tightly around her doll. Her hair was down, ripples of wavy hair cascading down past shoulders. She appeared quite unsettled but didn't say a word.

Julia inhaled sharply when she noticed her daughter had returned downstairs. She rushed past me and shook her finger at Lissy.

"You are supposed to be sleeping," Julia scolded.

"My bow is tied in a knot," she said, tugging at the pale green satin ribbon around her waist. She glanced at me briefly, then looked away. "Will you come upstairs and help me, Mother?"

Julia immediately softened. "Of course," she said, smoothing her hand down her daughter's unbraided hair. She turned and issued me a sharp glance. "Will you be up shortly?" she asked me.

I nodded and watched them both travel down the hallway, Julia with her arm draped over Lisette, who still clung to her doll.

Once I heard the two of them head up the stairs, I released a shuddering breath and wondered just how much of the conversation Lisette had overheard. Remaining downstairs, I could hear Julia and Lissy's shuffling feet across the wooden floors and muffled voices as they briefly exchanged words.

The house settled, and I felt the suffocating weight of my past settled hard as stone in the middle of my chest. Julia's words bothered me immensely as I thought of how not only my life, but my death would affect my family.

There was absolutely nothing significant about supervising the children as they gave Bessie a bath, but watching the two of them jovially go about their task was somewhat satisfying. I had never been one to simply enjoy a spare moment. Music needed to be written, finished work submitted to conductors that honestly knew nothing of the arts, and correspondence and payments accepted. There was no time for frivolous excursions out to quaint shops such as Papa Milo's. There was no moment to spare for a meaningless chat in the study. Even a nightly walk with the dog served a purpose to get Bessie out of the house for a bit and allow me to clear my head before I returned to my work.

Julia had already changed for bed when I finally trudged upstairs and quietly closed the bedroom door. She turned from her side to her back and sighed as I removed my shoes.

"Julia, I do not wish to ask Archie for anything more than he has already offered. Call it foolish pride if you will, but the time I spent in Persia was undoubtedly the worst in my life," I said as I unbuttoned my shirt and placed it into the linen basket. "There is not a single moment of time spent within the Shah of Shah's palace that I wish to ever speak of again."

I turned away from her and caught a glimpse of my reflection in the mirror. The room was dark, my flesh cast in shadows, but I still knew precisely where the scars along my torso fell. I did not need to utter a word in relation to Persia. The desert was still with me.

I paused much longer than necessary and heard the bed creak as Julia sat up.

"I will not burden another person with my past trials," I said without looking at her. "If necessary, I will meet alone with whomever or whatever has been sent from the palace."

I pulled open the dresser drawer and prepared for bed in silence. When I turned at last, I found Julia standing before me.

"I will not allow you to go alone," she said firmly.