I will be trying to update this story once every two weeks, if not more than that. I'm sorry I left everyone hanging for so long :(
Chapter 25
I exhaled through my mouth but did not immediately reply as I regarded my wife. Despite every moment of cruelty her bastard first husband had subjected her to throughout their marriage, Julia had a fierceness to her. It became abundantly clear she had a desire to stand at my side rather than behind me, and there was no reasoning with her. Though I admired her tenacity, she had no idea what I had survived in Persia. Undoubtedly she would have remained home with the children-or perhaps packed them up and left me altogether if she knew what my life had been like in those days.
"Did you hear me?" she asked. "I will not allow you to see them alone."
"I heard."
Her jaw worked a moment and she nodded. "Good. Then it is settled."
Wisely I fought the desire to roll my eyes as the matter was far from settled. I squeezed her arm and lead her to our bed where she slid in beside me and pulled the covers up to my shoulder. Side by side, she searched my eyes for a long moment in the darkened room, her fingers digging into my upper arm.
"Good night," I said as I kissed her softly and hoped she would at last be satisfied. "My beautiful wife."
She returned a close-lipped smile. "I see we will continue this in the morning."
"I beg your pardon? Continue what exactly?"
Julia flopped onto her back and dramatically tossed her hands in the air. "As if any conversation or debate with you has ever ended so easily," she said with a chuckle.
"You have made me a better man. Far less quarrelsome than before," I said.
Julia chuckled to herself. "You and your words."
"My words are not in jest. What you have brought me is greater than I ever imagined, as though there was a part of me missing and I did not realize it until you and Lissy came into my life."
Her expression sobered as she turned onto her side once more and leaned closer. "You do the same for us," she whispered as she kissed me again. Before I could respond, she narrowed her eyes at me and her smile faded. "Which is precisely why I will not allow you to do something foolish on your own."
"I have no intention-"
"You have every intention."
"Julia, please. What if we were both..." I stopped myself from voicing my deepest fears, but I knew by the look in Julia's eyes I had stopped far too late.
"Both what?"
I stammered to correct myself. "Unable to care for the children."
Julia blinked at me. "You mean to ask what if we were both killed by these men?"
I hesitated. By now I should have realized Julia knew me well enough to guess my unspoken words. "Anyone wishing to do harm to you would have to get through me first," I vowed.
"Do you already have a meeting planned?" she asked with an edge to her voice.
"No, I do not."
She kept her eyes trained on mine as though she doubted my answer. "What if you do meet with these men and seeing us both dead is not enough?"
"What do you mean?"
"If after they had murdered the two of us they set their sights on Alex and Lissy? What if they approached Madeline and the Lowrys?" She paused. "Have you considered the rest of you family?"
The very thought of anything happening not only to Julia, but our children and the rest of my family sent a chill through my veins. Madeline with her bad knee would be unable to escape, and Meg would never abandon her children or paralyzed husband. Charles, of course, was limited with his ability to fight off anyone from his wheelchair, though I suspected with his former military training her would put up quite a fight. I was certain Bessie would attempt to protect the family in my absence, but she was no match for these two men, and I assumed they would slit her throat along with everyone else.
All of them were, in essence, completely helpless and unaware of what danger I had unintentionally put them in. I had not considered what would happen if the consequences rippled like an earthquake through my extended family, and now that Julia had laid the idea before me, I felt sick to my stomach.
"You cannot approach them alone," Julia said firmly. "Forgive me for saying this, but you are still not at your full strength from the last time you were outnumbered."
As much as I did not want to admit it, I knew Julia was correct. I felt weakness still in my shoulder after it had been dislocated.
"What would you have me do?" I questioned, attempting to keep my voice low and even despite my trepidation.
"Avoid whomever is following you for as long as possible and do not go looking for trouble."
Her plan was far too simplistic, but I had no desire to discuss the matter further. Already I knew if I dared to close my eyes, my dreams would be a steady stream of nightmares. For years I had stayed awake for days on end to work on my music and I was more than prepared to stay awake and guard my family if necessary.
"I would never intentionally put you or our children in danger. You know this."
"I am asking you to promise me that you will not put yourself in danger. Swear to me, Erik. That is what I want to hear you say."
Taking her hand in mine, I kissed her knuckles. "I swear it."
At last she seemed satisfied and wrapped her arm around me. With her head on my chest, she closed her eyes and murmured something about an early start to the day. Before she finished speaking, her breaths evened out and she rolled onto her side of the bed sound asleep, for which I was grateful.
My eyes refused to close. I listened to the clock tick in the hall and agonized over the men I suspected had come to Paris. We had not parted as enemies, but I had escaped while Kamil and Arden remained behind. The last time I had seen the Daroga I had not asked him what had become of the twins. Quite frankly I assumed the two of them had been executed after I escaped.
Long years had passed, and I suspected if they had been kept alive by the Sultana, she had use for them. I wondered what had transpired over the course of some twenty years and how they had managed to find me-and for what purpose.
I studied Julia as she slept and could not help but think she did not deserve to be entangled in my past. If only I had walked in a different direction the first night she approached me on the street or declined her invitation when she asked me to visit. If I had suspected anyone from Persia still searched for me, I would have denied myself her company.
But I had foolishly accepted her offer, and for several years we had settled into a comfortable rhythm of evening visits. Although I much enjoyed her company and the intimacy, there had never been talk of advancing our relationship. For nearly five years she had not once hinted at wanting anything more than several visits a week, and with no mention of engagement or marriage, I assumed she was satisfied with our arrangement.
Naturally, I was not satisfied. No matter if it was music or Julia, I wanted more.
Every so often as I followed her into the kitchen and watched her as she washed dishes, I longed for more than a few hours of her time. We spoke of politics, and weather, and our young children as she scrubbed plates and silverware and absently passed them to me for drying. I would purposely brush my fingers against hers with each exchange merely to watch her blush and look away. For one fleeting moment, I thought I saw something more. Realistically, I told myself, there was nothing else. We were not courting or making plans to wed. Julia allowed me into a small part of her life and I accepted without question.
Whenever we were together, I fell into step with her, my erratic, anxious mind slowing at the sound of her voice, my aching heart settled by a flash of her smile. No matter how I grumbled and protested, Julia had ensnared me in the most pleasant way possible.
In the middle of the night when I left her warm bed, I felt the sting of regret in our stagnant lives. Despite our inconsequential conversations and moments spent tangled in each other's arms, I could never bring myself to ask if she loved me. I knew without a doubt that I loved her dearly, but each time I softly closed her bedroom door and padded down the stairs, I could picture her smile fading the moment I professed my love for her. One misstep and I was certain she would reject me, and after a lifetime of being turned away, I could not bear to have Julia leave me.
"I have feared losing you longer than you will ever know," I whispered. "Even when I failed to show you how much your love meant to me."
Over the course of a year I had forgotten what was real and chased an intangible fantasy. Looking back, I felt as though I had known from the moment I saw Christine's name in the newspaper that I willingly put every aspect of my life in jeopardy. Nonsensical as it seemed, it was easier to lose Julia to my foolish endeavors than have her turn from me because I wanted more of a relationship than she did.
"I do not deserve you, Alex, or Lissy," I confessed under my breath as I sat up and walked to the bedroom window. I had not deserved my uncle or Amelie Batiste or Madeline, who had freed me from the traveling fair and kept me hidden all those years.
As I looked out onto the street, I swore I saw a figure in the shadows. My breath caught, my heart stuttering as I pressed my hand against the glass pane and searched the darkness. When the moment came and I encountered the twins again, I already knew I would surrender without incident as long as I had their word they would leave my loved ones alone. They could do whatever they wished to me and I would submit willingly if it meant no one else was harmed.
I looked over my shoulder at Julia and wondered if she would ever forgive me if I gave my life for hers. Perhaps I did not deserve her forgiveness.
"You are everything to me," I said, keeping my voice low. She reached out, her hand splayed against my empty side of the bed, and my heart sank as I thought of her as a widow once more. "You are everything I want and everything I do not deserve in this lifetime."
Somehow I had managed to fall asleep briefly before sunrise. Alex and Lisette jarred me from sleep as they ran, screeching like demons, into the bedroom. Somehow I managed to reach for my mask on the bedside table before they leaped onto the bed.
"What on earth," I muttered. "Alexandre! Have you no sense?" I looked from him to Lisette, whose expression sobered immediately. I didn't have the heart to ask her the same question and instead adjusted my pillow and sat upright just in time to see Bessie finally catch up to her companions. She bayed and charged up the stairs, nearly tripping over her ears as she joined in their antics.
My loyal hound ran to my side of the bed and whined. I eased onto my side and allowed her to lick my hand dangling off the edge of the bed, which pleased her immensensely. To accentuate her excitement, she threw back her head and howled directly in my ear.
Clearly none of them wanted me to sleep a second longer.
"What is all of this commotion?" I questioned.
"Mother said we leave in an hour," Lissy announced as she jumped onto the floor and landed gracefully with her arms out.
"An hour indeed," I mumbled as I buried my face in my pillow and stifled a yawn.
Despite an uneasy and restless night, the sight of my children and the dog lightened my sullen mood. Alex climbed over me and stood beside Bessie where he gave my arm a tug and grit his teeth as though he put all of his strength into pulling me from bed.
"We will leave without you, Father," he threatened. I suspected Julia had said as much in jest and Alex, parrot that he was, repeated her playful words.
"Who will teach you how to swim, then?" I asked.
Alex looked to Lissy, his eyes wide as he considered my words. "Monsieur Leach!" he exclaimed.
Damn that Archie Leach, I wanted to say. How that man found the time to pursue a thousand different occupations was beyond me.
"Lissy, Alex, come down to breakfast," Julia called from the bottom of the stairs. "Erik, are you awake?"
The dead could not have slept through Alex, Lissy and Bessie's entrance. They were quite the animated trio.
"He is, but he's not out of bed yet!" Alex shouted.
"Honestly, Alexandre?" I snapped.
With a sheepish grin, Alex grabbed Lissy by the arm and ushered her out of the bedroom. He slammed the door shut behind him in typical fashion. With the parade gone, I sat up once more, removed my mask, and rubbed my hand over my face.
From the corner of my eye I caught sight of Bessie with her typical forlorn expression as she sat at my bedside and waited for me to acknowledge her. She lifted her front paws one at a time and shifted her weight in a sort of impatient dance. No matter how engrossed I was in composing, Bessie knew the moment she began vying for my affection, I would turn from my work and indulge her. She seemed to know when I was past the point of exhaustion and needed rest or a stretch of my legs on a long evening walk.
"A moment longer will not do any harm," I said as I patted the mattress.
For such a long and squat dog, Bessie was perfectly capable of launching herself onto the bed. In her haste, however, she managed to leap into my arms where she whined and licked my face and neck a though she had not seen me in months. Paws against my chest, she effectively pinned me to the bed as I rubbed my hands over her loose skin and chuckled to myself.
Julia opened the bedroom door and peered inside. "Ah, I should have known I would catch my husband in a torrid affair with his mistress," she said with a shake of her head.
"Mistress indeed," I answered as the dog plopped down on my legs and turned onto her back. She stared up at me, jowls flopped over on my thighs and ears spread out. Despite looking absolutely absurd, I obliged her with a belly and chest rub. "You know very well Bessie is my first true love."
Arms crossed, Julia leaned against the doorway looking unimpressed. "You two are absolutely smitten with one another. I have half the mind to leave you here with your true love."
"Ah, but she does not need to stay behind. She has excellent manners," I replied as I looked from Julia to Bessie, whose wrinkles swallowed up her eyes. "She would be better off traveling with us if you ask me." I turned my attention back to the hound. "Which Julia did not, did she, Bessie?"
As if to answer, Bessie sneezed on me.
Julia chuckled to herself. "Why do you think the dog was brought over this morning?"
Immediately my gaze was drawn to Julia and I blinked at her. "You would…" Allow seemed like the most appropriate word. However, even if we both knew that was the case, I settled on a different phrase. "You would invite her?"
"Madame is worried about caring for a dog as well as her daughter and grandchildren," Julia answered. "I suppose having Bessie accompany you would make the most sense."
I could not tell if Julia was annoyed by the possibility of Bessie joining us on holiday. Before I could ask if she was certain, Julia sat on her side of the bed and looked me over with a closed-lip smile.
"Not my ideal holiday," she said as she eyed Bessie, who had no intention of moving from her spot. "However, you were not the only one to request her company."
I grunted, imagining Alex had pleaded and worked his charm with Julia, much as he had done for years with Meg. Of course I suspected he championed for my cause, but I did not mind my son's persuasion in this situation.
"Well, she does belong to Alex," I pointed out. "He should be responsible for her."
Julia turned her head to the side. "Actually, Archie asked me a few days ago. He's grown quite fond of your dog it seems."
At once I sneered at the thought. "I am surprised he does not have his own stock of fine hunting hounds."
Julia shrugged. "Perhaps he does but prefers a lazy, indulgent Bassett soaking up his every word." She offered Bessie a brief scratch to the chest, and without hesitation, the dog stretched out further and kicked her back legs.
"Forty-three minutes!" Alex hollard from the dining room table.
Julia raised a brow. "Up with you, Monsieur Kire. Ruby made breakfast and Madame is downstairs with the children. You should join us."
As soon as Julia rose from the bed, Bessie wriggled upright, jumped down from the bed, and trotted behind my wife without a second glance in my direction. I crossed my arms and watched as Julia turned and furrowed her brow.
"What's this?" she asked, more to Bessie than to me.
"I do believe one scratch was enough to earn a lifetime of loyalty."
Julia wagged her finger at me. "You had better hope I do not start sneaking her food beneath the table."
