Chapter 29
Despite sitting side by side, I felt as though I was on the verge of losing my wife in the most intimate of ways possible. Physically I suspected she would make a full recovery in time, but emotionally she had changed before my eyes-and I had no idea what to say or do in order to rectify the situation.
"At first I wanted to wait until the right moment," Julia answered at last. Her voice sounded more familiar than it had since we had been in the carriage, but still she avoided meeting my eye. She toyed with the neckline of her nightgown, her thumb tracing over the lace. "And then…"
There had not been a right moment, I knew. Ashamed, I folded my hands in my lap, dreading her next words as I considered everything that had transpired not only since the thirty-first of March when Christine performed at the World's Fair, but for a year before she ever stepped foot in Paris again.
A dozen reasons for Julia to keep this secret to herself flooded my thoughts, most of them dark and self-deprecating.
"I wanted to surprise you," Julia said at last.
My gaze shot up to meet hers, my lips parted at her unexpected words. "Surprise me?"
"On our holiday," she clarified. "I had the moment somewhat planned out."
Julia offered a thin-lipped, forced smile as she reached out to me. Without a moment of hesitation, I immediately took her hand in mine and found her touch still quite cold.
"Here," I said as I scooted closer and grasped her small hand between both of mine to warm her. "Your hands are like ice."
At last she gave a genuine smile despite her features remaining somewhat pinched and the coloring in her face still drained. "I wanted to tell you on the beach with our children at our side tomorrow evening after supper," Julia continued. She pushed a strand of hair back from her face and sighed. "I thought it would be a memorable way to start our lives together as a family."
My chest tightened as I realized the true depth of our loss. I could imagine how elated Lisette would have been for a brother or sister and how Alexandre would have wanted to know every detail at once, most likely with an overabundance of questions Julia would have no desire to answer. Long after the sun had set, our family would have glowed, and the brightest light of all I suspected would have been in Julia's eyes.
I brought Julia's hand to my lips and kissed her softly as I studied her face. "You have always amazed me with your thoughtfulness," I said as I once again cradled her hand between mine. "Down to arranging tarts on the plate before you served them."
Julia grunted to herself, her smile widening. "I truly did not think you noticed."
"I noticed everything about you," I admitted. "The way you attempt to push a strand of hair behind your ear even when it hasn't fallen out of place. Or the way you always place your hand on Alex and Lisette's shoulders whenever they are standing in front of you. The way you make certain you always add a bit more sugar to my coffee or enough honey for a hive of bees stirred into my tea."
Color returned to Julia's cheeks as she blushed. "Even when Madame says you consume far too many sweets."
"You are pleasantly predictable, I'm afraid, Madame Kire, and I do appreciate the way you disregard Madame's demands."
Julia lifted her free hand toward the side of her face and paused before she absently reached for a stray lock of hair that wasn't there. She smiled at me suddenly and chuckled to herself. "Just as you said. You do you know me."
I knew her better than I realized. As much as I had never wanted to admit it, we were intertwined in a seamless fashion. All of my life I had thought only music could make me happy, and yet my heart swelled when I caught Julia's eye from across the table or reached for her hand in the parlor. She was everything to me, every bit of my life that mattered.
As quickly as Julia seemed more content, her expression faltered and the sadness in her eyes returned. "I've ruined our holiday," Julia said under her breath.
I sat forward and squeezed her hand between mine. "You are incapable of ruining anything at all."
"Archie and Hermine have no idea we aren't arriving at the cottages. They will worry."
At the moment they were of no concern to me, but Julia looked quite anxious. "I will have a telegram sent once the physician arrives."
Julia nodded. "What will you tell them?"
"Whatever you wish for me to say," I answered wisely. I reached for my pocket watch and checked the time. "The physician should have been here by now."
Julia pulled her hand away from mine and pressed it against her abdomen as she sat forward and swallowed hard. "I think it's coming closer," she said breathlessly.
I nodded despite not being entirely sure of what was happening to her.
Julia's legs stretched out, then jerked up toward her chest as her body writhed with pain. She turned away from me and positioned herself onto her side, hands balled into fists around the blankets. "My God, the pain is much more intense."
I stood abruptly and looked from her to the closed door. "Is there anything at all I can do?"
She was shaking terribly, her body going through waves of pain that from my perspective were much worse than they had been an hour previous. "Ask Ruby if she would sit with me until the doctor arrives."
Without hesitation I grabbed my mask and hair piece and slid them into place before I walked out of the room and found both Ruby and Madeline in the hallway. They both startled when I exited the room, but immediately came toward me.
"How is she?" Madeline asked.
"Not well," I answered. "Where in the hell is the damned physician?"
"I would think he would be here any moment," Ruby offered. She shifted her weight uncomfortably at my outburst. "I could call upon one of Monsieur Leach's friends if you would like. Dr. Rao is only a few blocks away, close to your cousin's residence."
"If the doctor does not arrive in the next five minutes, send for Rao," I said to Ruby. "In the meantime, Julia would like you to stay with her."
"May I stay with her?" Madeline asked as she took a step .
It surprised me when Madeline asked for permission given how often she enjoyed intruding.
"I should wait for the physician," Ruby pointed out. "If you permit, Monsieur."
"Pay him up front, whatever he asks." I patted my trouser pocket and frowned once I realized I had given all of my money to the cab driver. With a sigh, my shoulders dropped. "You wait for the doctor," I said with a nod toward Ruby. "And Madame if you would not mind staying with Julia, I need to return home for my check-"
Madeline brushed past me, her hands gently squeezing my arms. "Stay with the children for a bit," she suggested. "Perhaps you can calm Lissy down."
"What did you tell them?" I asked before Madeline turned the door handle.
Madeline frowned. "That you would make certain her mother was fine. I was not sure what else to say."
I nodded and took a breath, realizing I had no idea what to say to Lisette and Alex. "That makes two of us."
Madeline turned toward me as Ruby walked down the hall to the front door. "Did you know she was...?" she asked, keeping her voice low.
I shook my head. "Did you?"
A look of confusion passed through her gaze, which made me realize my tone was more harsh than I had intended. "Of course not. I admit I hoped when you returned from your holiday that there would be good news, but I did not think she was..."
I sighed. "Almost three months."
Madeline's eyes widened, her lips parted in shock. "That is very late for something like this to happen."
I nodded despite having no idea if it was late or not. "She wanted the news to be a surprise on our holiday."
Madeline wiped tears from her eyes. "She must be devastated."
I looked away from her, unsure of how I felt given the loss of our child had come before I realized Julia was expecting.
"I will stay with Julia as long as needed," Madeline vowed. "It would be more appropriate for you to stay at home, at least until she is finished with...the baby passing," she finished in a whisper.
Her words made me shiver. "If anything should happen, swear to me you will send Ruby over at once."
Madeline nodded. "Stay with the children," she said before she opened the guest room door and Julia cried out in pain.
"I'm here," I heard Madeline say to Julia.
"I think it's almost over," Julia panted. She released a hard sob that made it impossible for me to move from where I stood. "Please don't let Erik in here."
I heard the soft click of the door being locked. Ruby peeked around the corner and stared at me briefly. "The doctor has pulled up," she said before she turned and walked away.
At last I turned, headed toward the kitchen, and exited into the back garden. The moment I walked outside, I heard Lisette scream, and the absolute terror in her voice made me bolt toward my house.
Once I walked into the kitchen, I heard both newborn infants screaming from Meg and Charles' room and Lisette screaming in the parlor. My pace slowed as I shut the door behind me and saw Bessie trot into the kitchen with her head down and tail tucked.
"Out?" I offered as I cracked the door open. Without a second glance at me, she galloped out the back door and into the garden.
With the dog outside, I strode down the hall and into the parlor. Charles had been given the unfortunate duty of overseeing both Alex and Lisette, and when I walked through the doorway, he met my eye and appeared relieved.
"Monsieur," he sighed. "How is your wife?"
Before I could answer, Lisette sucked in a wild breath and looked up from where she sat tucked into a chair in the furthest corner of the room. Her face was red and puffy, her body doubled over and arms crossed over her body. She met my eye and sprang to her feet almost faster than I could react.
"Mama!' she screamed. "Where is she?"
"Lisette-"
I caught her around the waist before she pushed past me through the door, but the impact of her body against mine jarred me into the door fame with greater force than I had expected. Despite the pain in my left shoulder-the one I had dislocated months earlier-I locked my arms around Lisette and lifted her from the ground.
Her screams sounded more like an animal than a nine year-old girl. She wrenched back and forth, legs kicking in the air as she struggled to free herself. Her arms violently swung back and forth, and her elbow drove into my shoulder twice and again into my jaw for a third blow. Turning my head, I glanced at Alex, who appeared petrified, and Charles, who had placed his arm across Alex's chest as if he feared my son would attempt to bolt from the room as well.
"Lisette, enough," I said in her ear as I carried her into the hall and managed to shut the door behind me.
"I want to see her!" Lisette raged. Her legs swung out again, her feet kicking the wall so hard I thought she would punch a hole straight through. Instead, she kicked off with both feet firmly planted, and the momentum sent us reeling back. I took a step back in order to steady myself and rammed into the wall, which rattled the paintings hung further down the hall. Teeth clenched, Lisette released a feral scream that pricked the hairs on the back of my neck.
"I know, I know," I said, carefully harnessing my tone. Other than dislocating my shoulder again, I feared she would fall to the ground and hit her head on the wall or floor. "Please, Lisette, you are hurting my shoulder and I do not want to drop you."
Her struggle ceased at last like a toy winding down. I felt her rigid body going limp despite her harsh breathing. She stilled briefly before I felt her inhale sharply and exhale another sob. Gently I placed her feet on the ground, but she made no attempt to hold herself upright, which was exactly as I suspected. Rather than drop her like a ragdoll, I lowered her onto the ground and, exhausted from the struggle, sat beside her with a hard thud onto the wooden floor.
"Is mother dead?" Lisette sobbed into her hands as she moved away from me.
"No, of course not," I replied, my chest heaving and pain resonating from my shoulder and jaw.
"Are you sure?"
"Positive."
"Why can't I see her?" She rubbed her face with her hands and peered at me with bloodshot eyes.
"Because the doctor is with her," I answered. "Once he has taken care of your mother, then you may see her."
"How long?"
"A few more hours, I would think."
Arms folded, Lisette turned away from me and leaned against the wall. Her body shook with emotion, and in her slumped over posture I saw a glimpse of myself as a child broken time and again by anger and sadness. I thought of my uncle, of how consumed by grief I had been when he passed away before my eyes. I had been a few years older than Lisette at the time of his death, but I could still recall precisely how I felt the evening he had fallen into a deep sleep, how my heart stuttered when I could not rouse him from sleep.
Julia was everything to Lisette, just as my Uncle Alak had been my world.
While Lisette looked away from me, I worked my jaw, hearing it pop several times. My shoulder resonated with as much discomfort as I expected from the struggle, and I felt my way from my neck to my collarbone as I rotated the joint and grimaced. It hurt, but not nearly as bad as the night my shoulder had been wrenched from the socket.
Lisette gasped, and I turned my attention back to where she sat beside me. I found her wide-eyed with her lips parted in horror.
The remorse in Lisette's gaze made me pause. Her lips quivered as she looked me over and sat up on her knees, tears streaming down her blotchy cheeks. Gently she placed her hand on my left shoulder, her touch so light it was barely noticeable.
"I did not mean to hurt you," she whispered before she drew her hand back and lowered her gaze. Lips pursed, she laced her fingers together and settled her folded hands in her lap.
"No, you did not. You were quite upset and I understand how you feel," I said as I shifted on the floor and rested with my back against the wall.
Lisette eyed me curiously. "You do?"
I nodded. "My uncle was quite ill when I first met him. I was worried for him with his declining health and upset for myself. I did not know what I would do without him in my life. Has Alex ever told you I named him after my uncle?"
Lisette shook her head and scooted closer. She placed her hand on my shoulder again, her gaze drawn to my jawline, which I suspected was quite red. When I looked at her, I saw a miniature of her mother not only from the shape of her face but her careful, caring demeanor.
"Did your uncle talk as much as Alex?"
Her words made me smile. "No, I'm afraid Alex is not like my uncle in most respects."
"What was your uncle like?"
"My uncle was very kind and patient, but he could be stern as well. He taught me a great deal even though I only knew him briefly."
"You are very much like him, then," Lisette said.
"Not nearly enough, but I appreciate your kind words. He protected me when I was a boy, just as I intend to protect you, Alex, and your mother."
Her face began to crumple again at my mention of her mother.
"I can assure you your mother will be fine. I would not have left her side otherwise."
Lisette nodded in agreement with my words and took a deep breath. "She will be upset with me."
My brow furrowed. "For what?"
Her gaze went from my shoulder to my jaw and at last my hairline and I knew she looked at the small scar from the night in the alley. Even though she had not been there that evening, I suspected Alex had told her in more detail than was necessary about my injuries and what he had witnessed. I suspected she knew more about what happened than I did.
"For hitting you in the face."
"That was an accident."
Her lips began to tremble again. "And for dislocating your shoulder," Lisette answered sadly.
"You did no such thing." I moved my arm up and down. "See? Shoulder still in place."
Relief washed over her face. She started to wipe the tears away with the back of her hand, but I offered her my handkerchief and she readily accepted.
"If you protect us, who protects you now that your uncle is gone?" she asked once her tears were dried.
I thought a moment. "Madame, of course," I answered. "And your mother as well."
Her nose wrinkled at my words and the slightest of smiles crept onto her lips.
"The floor is far too cold for you," I said as I climbed to my feet and helped her up. "If I return to your mother's side, will you keep Alex and Monsieur Lowry company a while longer for me?"
With a bit of hesitation, Lisette finally agreed. She kept her hand in mine until I opened the parlor door.
"Julia is still not feeling well, but she should be better by this evening," I said to Alex and Charles.
Charles gave a solemn nod in return, and I suspected he was aware of what had happened. Alex, however, barely acknowledged my words, which concerned me as he was not one to sit in silence.
"Alex, would you help me rehang a painting?" I asked.
He slid out of his chair as though he were boneless and dragged himself toward me in such dramatic fashion it seemed as if each movement took far more effort than he was willing to put forth. He followed me into the hall in silence and stood quite still as I closed the door and pulled the crooked painting off the wall.
The abstract work was something created by one of the friends Charles entertained every so often. I didn't much care for it, but Meg and Charles enjoyed the piece and Alex seemed to always find something fascinating about it.
"You are very quiet," I commented as I took a step back with the painting in hand.
Alex merely shrugged.
"You will not tell me why you are upset?" I asked without looking directly at him.
Again Alex shrugged and I looked at him from the corner of my eye as he stood with his back hunched and his arms dangling at his side.
"Here, tell me if this looks straight," I said as I hung the painting on the wall again.
Alex moved behind me, and I glanced over my shoulder to see him standing with his head tilted to the side and gaze averted.
"It's fine," he said as he looked away.
"Alex-"
"Am I cursed?" Alex blurted out.
As was often the case with Alex, I had no idea how to answer.
