Chapter 33
Ruby brought enough food for both me and Julia before she excused herself and tended to the rest of the household. I attempted to relieve her from her duties for the remainder of the day, but she would not hear of it.
"I don't mind one bit caring for Madame Kire," she said. "And of course Lissy and Alex, my little sweetheart."
"Thank you," Julia replied with a weak smile.
"I will check on you in an hour."
"You do not need to run back and forth." Julia looked at me and smiled. "I will be fine."
Quite frankly I thought Julia put far too much faith in me, but I was determined to prove my love and worth for her.
With a nod Ruby excused herself and returned to my home. I was certain Meg, Charles, and Madeline would be quite relieved to have her in the house as Ruby managed everything from cooking, housework, and occupying Alex and his myriad questions with ease.
"We should send Alex and Lisette back soon," Julia stated once we were alone. "Poor Meg and Charles have enough with Audrey and Xavier."
"What would you like to tell them?" I asked.
Julia blinked at me. "That I was not feeling well," she answered.
"You and I both know that will not suffice," I replied. "Not with Alex," I added. "How many times has he asked you what your favorite animal is that possesses thumbs and then wants to know why you did not choose differently."
Julia sighed. "I do not know if I want to tell them. They are so young."
"They are old enough to understand."
"You are always disagreeable," Julia said with a grunt of disapproval.
"That is not my intent."
"Perhaps not, but your views are more pragmatic than mine when it comes to Alex and Lisette."
"Julia, I spent a year attempting to hide the arrival of Alex's birth mother from him and in the process I nearly destroyed our relationship." Ashamed, I looked away from her. Perhaps I oversimplified the situation, but I did not need to explain what had happened. While there was nothing I could say or do that would erase my past mistakes, I was fully aware I needed to repair what I could with Alex. "I truly fear what would happen if I were dishonest with him again."
"What would you tell them?" she asked.
My desire for truth did not necessarily equivocate an answer, but I ran my hand over my face and thought a moment. "I would tell them you wanted another baby and that you prepared to welcome another child, but unfortunately it was not the right time. As much as it broke your heart and brought you great physical pain, you had to let go for now."
Julia blinked at me and swallowed hard. She shifted in bed and curled her fingers around her blanket. At last she offered a slow, sullen nod.
"Do you think that will be answer enough for Alex?"
"I think if you tell him it hurts to speak of our loss he will understand," I answered. "He was quite afraid he was responsible for your pain."
Julia's lips parted. "What do you mean?"
I inhaled and sat back in my chair, unsure of whether or not I should elaborate.
"Erik, please tell me."
"He told me this morning he accidentally struck you while running through the dining room."
Julia narrowed her eyes and she thought a moment before finally nodding. "I asked him to be careful."
"Yes, but he explained that he had struck Christine as well when he saw her and that she was less than forgiving. He was afraid you would no longer wish to be his mother."
Julia's lips quivered. "It was an accident."
"He knows, but he asked me if he was cursed."
Julia pressed her eyes shut.
"I assured him he is not cursed and he did not harm you."
"Would you send for them at once?" she requested. "I do not want either of them to think we do not want them with us."
"If you are up to seeing them."
Julia nodded readily. "I am sick to death of lying in bed. The distraction would be welcome."
Julia continued to pick at her food while I placed my mask on and returned home to retrieve our children. The moment I walked into the kitchen Alex flew out of the study and skidded to a halt in the doorway, his fingers clutched tight around the frame to keep himself from sailing down the hallway. Ruby, who had been doing dishes, looked over her shoulder and shook her head.
"Julia would like to see both of you," I said before Alex could ask. "Would you please-"
"Lisette!" Alex shouted. "Father is here!"
Meg, Charles, and Madeline shouted my son's name from different parts of the house in unison. Why any of us bothered to correct him still I did not know.
Lisette trotted down from the opposite end of the hall with Madeline behind her. She approached more cautiously than Alex and stood in silence with her hands clasped and eyes wide and pleading for permission to see her mother.
"She would like to see you," I said as I held my hand out.
To my surprise Lisette ran to me first and took my hand in hers. She squeezed tight and looked up at me with a smile. Alex rushed past me and held open the back door with a flourish.
Once we were out the door, they both took off running and leaped from the ramp Alex and I had built for Charles. I cringed as they were both in their best clothing from earlier in the day and I did not want Julia to see them covered in dirt when she saw them again for the first time since the carriage ride.
"Slow down," I warned, but they were through the gate and in Julia's kitchen with no acknowledgement of my words.
Fortunately they waited side by side outside of the guest room door whispering to one another. They moved aside in unison and I opened the door to find Julia seated in the chair I had previously occupied.
The moment she spotted Lisette and Alex, Julia's face lit up. She gripped the arms of the chair as though she were about to stand, but Lisette rushed to her mother's side and flung her arms around her mother's neck while Alex gathered both Lisette and Julia into his open arms.
Lisette buried her face in the crook of Julia's neck and sobbed openly, her words little more than mumbles.
"Oh, Lissy, I apologize if I worried you, my dear," Julia said. She went back and forth between kissing both Lisette and Alex as she squeezed them tight. "You, too, Alex.
Alex gingerly patted her shoulder as he straightened his spine and looked Lisette and Julia over. "Are we hurting you?" he asked.
Julia shook her head and pulled him closer. "The contrary. You have made me feel much better."
His eyes lit up, the tentative smile on his face turning to a wide grin. His expression reminded me of how he beamed whenever Meg entered a room when he was an infant. For several months she had to tiptoe through the house like a burglar to keep him from screaming for her. Somewhere from the time he was a year old to when Julia became a widow, Alex treated Julia more like his mother than a neighbor and she welcomed him in long before we were acquainted.
"Uncle Charles would not tell us what happened," Alex said glumly. He sat on the bed, his back hunched and arms folded.
"Because we asked your aunt and uncle to wait until we could speak with you," I said. The last thing I wanted was for him to feel as though Charles had purposely kept a secret from him.
Lisette took a seat beside Alex and mirrored his posture. She dried her eyes and sniffled, and Alex gently patted her shoulder to console her.
"I apologize if I ruined our holiday," Julia started. Her voice sounded hollow once more, and I could tell by her expression that she teetered on the edge of breaking down. "I know we were all very much looking forward to seeing the ocean."
"We ran to find a physician as fast as we could," Lisette offered.
"You did a wonderful job," Julia said. She took Lisette's hand in hers. "I do not know what I would do without you."
"Did the doctor fix you?" Alex asked.
I could tell by the way he looked at Julia that he searched for some part of her that had broken off. For as bright of a child as he was, he sometimes took words quite literally.
"I believe he did," Julia answered.
I held my breath, knowing whatever Alex had on his mind was something no one was quite prepared to hear.
"Were you cauterized? Did he seal you up with wax like from an envelope? Or is it nothing more than a bandage?" Alex asked. He leaned forward, his eyes wide and lips parted as he waited for her to answer.
Julia was clearly taken aback by his questions. Her eyes flashed to mine but I merely shrugged.
Lisette made a face at Alex. "Doctors sew people up," she said under her breath.
"It was none of those," Julia said before the two of them ran away with their overzealous imaginations. She looked at me again briefly and forced a smile. "The pain was caused by something that cannot be simply sewed up and healed," she answered. "We love you both so very much, and we wanted to give you a little brother or sister, but..."
Lisette's expression sobered. She leaned so far forward she nearly slid off the edge of the bed. Alex, too, sat closer and took Julia's free hand in his.
I took a seat beside Alex and put my arm around him. When I looked at Julia I knew her voice was trapped behind a lump in her throat.
"The pain your mother felt was because it was not quite time for another baby to join our family. As much as she-" I met Julia's eye. "We wanted another child, I am afraid it was not the correct time for a baby to join us."
"Were you in pain as well?" Alex asked.
His question came as no surprise. I nodded solemnly as Lisette sat back and tipped her head to the side. She rested her temple on Alex's shoulder, and I snaked my arm around the two of them.
"Yes, of course, Alex. It is difficult to see someone you love suffering."
Alex looked up at me, his gaze settling on my forehead and I knew his thoughts were drawn to the night in the alley and the days that followed. I turned from him momentarily, pulled up my mask, and met his eye again.
"I was in pain as well," he whispered.
I nodded. The pain he had suffered was all my doing. There were not enough words in any language to express how truly sorry I felt for what I had done to him not only that night, but for a year before the fair. If I needed to spend the rest of my days groveling for my son's forgiveness, I would forever remain on my knees before him.
"Do you think one day another baby will come to live with us?" Lisette asked.
Julia looked from her daughter to me and back again. The disappointment and longing we collectively felt was palpable and I fully expected that in six weeks Julia would once again start a conversation about adding to our family.
"I would like that, but only time will tell," Julia said. She eyed me a moment and I nodded, which was as much of an answer as I was willing to give. "For now I suppose I will have to make you my baby again," Julia teased. She reached out and pinched Lisette's cheek gently.
Lisette made a face and nudged Alex. "Alex is younger than me. He is the baby."
Alex's eyes grew wide. He sat up straighter, his features twisted in protest. "I am the second man of the house," he said firmly. "I helped build a ramp for Uncle Charles, I helped make breakfast with Aunt Meg, and I even sent a package for Father through the post."
My brow furrowed at his final words. "What package did you send?" I asked.
There were at least half a dozen unfinished pieces of music in my bedroom and I fully expected Alex to be more than capable as well as willing to stuff a handful of music into an envelope and march it down to the post office. In my mind I imagined a bald-headed conductor opening an envelope containing a half-written mass of wrinkled paper addressed from me.
"And who did you send it to?" I asked as I pinched my forehead between my thumb and middle finger. I would have to write a letter of apology to half of the opera houses in Europe as I fully expected Alex to say he had no idea what he had sent and to whom.
"The figurine of the girl holding a dove," Lisette said on Alex's behalf. She paused and waited for me to respond with a sparkle in her eye.
"The figurine?"
"For your friend. When we paid a visit to Papa Milo's."
My hand fell away from my face and I stared at the two of them. "I beg your pardon?"
"Amelie Batiste," Alex answered. "Your friend from when you were my age."
"Yes, yes, I am fully aware of who she is." I had not mentioned Amelie to Alex as far as I could recall, which I assumed meant he had gone through my desk.
"Grand-mere walked us down to the post office. I paid for the shipping with my own money."
His chest puffed out as he regaled the tale of his good deed, however, he returned to a slouch when I did not immediately reply.
"That was not necessary," I said at last. "And you know you should have asked first."
"Grand-mere said it was fine. Plus, I sent it with a note," Alex explained.
I wondered if Madeline had agreed to walk him to the post office merely to occupy his time.
"And I asked her to write you back," Alex added.
Despite purchasing the figure, I was not certain I would ever send it through the mail to Amelie, though I suppose I should have expected Alex to be thoroughly helpful.
"You are so very kind and thoughtful," Julia commented.
Those were not quite the words I would have used, but I nodded all the same and thanked him.
"What did you say in your note?" I asked.
"I asked if she would visit," Alex answered with a grin. "I do hope she replies swiftly."
My heart stuttered, breath held in my lungs at the thought of seeing Amelie Batiste once more. I could not help but think that over the years she had held more importance to me than I had ever held to her.
"Alex-" I started to say.
"If she is unable to travel to Paris, perhaps we could visit her?" Alex blurted out. "When our mother is feeling better?"
Julia chuckled to herself. "We will have to see what Amelie Batiste says when she replies."
There was apparently no need for me to reply as my wife and son had already made up their minds. I looked at Lisette, who smiled and shrugged, giving me no choice but to do the same.
