The legalities: I do not own any of the Expendables franchise (characters, places, and objects especially) and this is mostly au.Rated M just to be on the safe side.

Here's number 2, which was one of my favorite ones to write and the one that actually started it all.

Hope you enjoy!

Prompt: "Want to see what kind of trouble we can get into?"

"Oh god, we're going to die, aren't we?"

"It's a Tuesday, I know how to restrain myself."

"You absolutely do not."

"Jacoba? Hey Jacoba?"

Jacoba rolled her eyes as she kept knitting a new scarf for Gunnar (of all people) at the desk set up for her in the backroom at Tool's Tattoo Parlor. She had been back in New Orleans for just under two months, after hitchhiking most of the way before Lacey found her in Alabama. Without looking up from her project, she called out to her best friend, "Back here, Lace, at my desk. What's up?"

She heard Lacey drag back the chair in front of her desk and lightly sit down. Still without looking up, she could feel Lacey looking at her. "So, the guys are gone…"

Cue another eye roll. "Um, I knew that, Lace. I did see them off this morning after all."

It was as if she could actually hear Lacey bouncing in her seat. "Oh, that's right! I had forgotten. So, how are you and Gunnar doing in the relationship department?"

With a heavy and pained sigh, Jacoba hit the back of her head on the wall with her eyes closed. Lacey, along with most of the Expendables, thought that she, Jacoba, had a thing for the tall, loud-mouthed Swede, of all people. Seriously, they all needed to focus on their own love lives, since the two of them couldn't even be in the same room without fighting. Jacoba actually looked at Lacey for the first time since she had invaded her space, glared, and replied.

"Lacey, for the umpteenth time, there is nothing going on between the Viking and myself. Nothing is going to happen between the two of us because he is an idiot and we have nothing in common with each other. And, no, that is not a confession of love, it is just a known fact." She took a deep breath then changed the subject. "Now, what exactly were you starting to say before you decided to question me about a non-existent relationship?"

Lacey looked as though she was about to pout before she began to get excited again. "Oh, oh, we should definitely go shopping! I mean, since I know that you more than likely have Gunnar's wallet and I know for a fact that I have Lee's limitless credit card."

At this, Jacoba sat up straight and smiled wide. "Really? How did you score that? And, of course, you know me so very well. Though, apparently he doesn't." She smirked as she held up the black wallet that belonged to the Swede.

Lacey began to laugh. "Well, I didn't pickpocket him like you do to Gunnar. I just asked nicely."

"Well, we are a pair, aren't we?"

"Course we are! Do you want to see what kind of trouble we can get into?"

At this, Jacoba sobered as she squinted at her companion. "Seriously?" As Lacey began to nod enthusiastically, Jacoba lifted her eyes heavenward and exhaled heavily. "Oh Lord, we are going to die today, aren't we?"

Lacey scoffed and stood up indignantly. "Now, that's not fair, Jacoba. It is a Tuesday, after all. And I do know how to restrain myself." With a huff, she turned and walked toward the front door.

Jacoba sighed as she set her knitting back onto her desk in preparation of following her friend. With Lee not in the country, it was up to her to attempt to keep Lacey out of trouble. As she got up, she muttered, "You absolutely do not know how to restrain yourself." Walking quickly to catch up to Lacey, she postulated, "And what in the world does the day of the week have to do with anything?"

Needless to say, both Lacey and Jacoba ended up in jail. All because some idiot at the bar they stopped at for supper refused to take no for an answer. Which caused Jacoba to stand up and tell him to get lost, and when he didn't, Lacey punched him, starting a bar fight. To say that Tool was laughing his ass off when he came to pick them up was an understatement. He informed them that the guys were back and very intrigued as to why the two of them were in jail. Jacoba and Lacey just shared a smile. That idiot would be apologizing the next time they saw him. Especially after they told the guys.