It starts out with Me, Varie, Woody and Eddy arriving at the Loud House.
I knock on the door and Lynn Sr. opens the door.
Lynn Sr.: Hello guys. Come on in.
Me: Thanks Mr. Lynn.
Eddy: Hey L Sr. What's up?
Lynn Sr.: Not much Eddy. Where's Ed and Double D?
Eddy: Oh they couldn't come today. They decided to spend time with their mom and dad.
Lynn Sr.: Oh that's okay.
We go up to Lincoln's room, where he is enjoying a nice glass of lemonade with a crazy straw.
Me: Hi, Lincoln.
Lincoln: Hey guys.
Varie: Whatcha doing?
Lincoln: "Well, it's Friday night. You survived another week of school. Now it's time to kick back, forget your troubles, and crack open a brand new video game." [gets out a copy of Super Mega Brawlers Turbo Fighter and smells it.] "Love that new game smell." [Suddenly picks up another scent; and we do too.]
Me: Uh, that doesn't smell like new video games.
Varie: It smells like fresh flowers in the springtime.
Woody: It smells really good.
Lincoln: "Wait a minute." [sniffs again] "Is that...Oh no!"
[Soon, his sisters start picking up the scent as well.]
Lucy: "Sniff. Sniff."
Lincoln: "Mom's expensive perfume. Which can only mean one thing." [checks the calendar and finds out what tonight is...] "Date night! Which can only mean one other thing!"
Rita: "Lori's in charge! Do as she says! Bye!" [leaves]
Lincoln: "NOOOOOOOOO! She gets a sick thrill from bossing us around! In this house, we call her the Queen of-"
Lori: [from upstairs] "NO!" [unplugs Luna's amplifiers] "NO MUSIC!" [tosses Lana's mud pie in the trash] "NO MUD PIES!" [approaches Leni who's talking on the phone] "NO-"
Leni: "Way! That's totes cray cray!"
Lori: [hangs up Leni's call] "No phone calls." [Takes away Laney's book] No reading.
Laney: Hey! You can't just-
Lori gave Laney an intimidating look.
Laney: Nevermind...
Lori: [takes away Lincoln's game] "AND NO VIDEO GAMES!"
[Lori dresses up in a military uniform and blows a whistle that summons Me, Varie, Eddy, Woody and Lori's siblings, Bobby, Ronnie Anne and the pets to the front room. I stand in attention saluting her]
Lori: "At ease!" [Everyone feels calmer now and I still stand in attention] "JUST KIDDING! NOBODY IS TO BE AT EASE IN MY PRESENCE!" [the others regain their forms] "As you know, Mom and Dad left me in charge. That means, you have to do as I say, whether you're tall, short, or covered in fur and can only understand the word "sit"."
[Charles, Cliff, and Geo sit down on command, but Walt tips over in his attempt and knocks Geo's hamster ball to the side.]
Lori: [busts out a chart of tonight's schedule] "Now, here is our schedule for this evening. 6:00 to 7:00: Sitting on bed with arms folded. 7:00 to 7:30: Chow. 7:30 to 8:00: Thorough cleaning of mess hall. 8:00: Staring at wall until falling asleep. Everyone got that?"
Me, Varie, Woody, Eddy, Bobby, Ronnie Anne, Lincoln, Leni, Luna, Luan, Lynn, Lucy, Laney, Lola, Lisa, and Lily: "MA'AM, YES, MA'AM!"
Lana: "SIR, YES, SIR!"
[Lori glares at Lana for calling her "sir".]
Me: [I salute] General Lori Ma'am?
Lori: General Lori. I like the sound of that. What Is it soldier?
Me: You would make a great military commanding officer for the Army, Ma'am!
Lori: "[to me] THANK YOU! [To everyone else] Everyone but J.D., DISMISSED!"
[Everyone but me rushes back to their rooms while Geo hops in his ball up each step.]
Lori: Why did you call me General Lori, J.D.?
Me: Sorry, Lori. It's a force of habit. Whenever I get involved in a military type scenario I pretend like I'm part of the military.
Lori: Oh I get it. Well that's okay. Thanks for the military rank. Do you think I would be a good General?
Me: You definitely have what it takes. My grandfathers both fought in World War II and I carry them close to my heart and in memory.
Lori: That's very thoughtful. Anyway. DISMISSED!
I salute and march up to Lincoln's room.
In Lincoln's room, Me, Varie, Woody and Lincoln are sitting on Lincoln's bed with our arms folded.
Me: This sucks eggs. I thought we were gonna have fun tonight. I guess it's gonna be a boring day.
Lincoln: [Determined] Not if I have to say anything about it!.
[Lincoln opens his door and puts a note in Geo's hamster ball.]
Lincoln: "Hey, Geo. Want a snack, boy?" [tosses the snack over to Lola and Lana's door.]
[Geo rolls over, opens his ball, gets the treat, and gets the twins' attention; Lincoln does this with his other sisters; the note tells them to meet in Lincoln's room and they sneak over to Lincoln's room; Luan and Eddy had camouflaged themselves with the wall and sneak in; Leni is the only one who still hasn't snuck out of her room; she begins to sneak by her while wearing a scarf.]
Lori: [suspicious] "Leni, what are you doing?"
Leni: "I'm not Leni. I'm wearing a scarf."
Lori: [not fooled one bit] "You've got five minutes to do your business."
[Leni goes out and sneaks over to Lincoln's room to join the others for a big meeting.]
Lola: This better be good. You know how much trouble we'll be in if Lori finds out we're not in our rooms?"
Eddy: Lincoln, I didn't know Lori was so strict about having everyone in their rooms when she babysits.
Lincoln: "Rooms? More like prison cells! Every time Lori's left in charge, she makes our lives miserable. Well, I say no more! It's time to take back our Friday nights! Luna, do you like it when Lori unplugs your amp mid-jam?"
Luna: "It's way harsh."
Lincoln: "And Lana, how about when Lori throws out your mud pies?"
Lana: "I work hard on those!"
Lincoln: "And Lily, what about when Lori won't let you read about fish and talk to your mermaid friends when they visit?"
Lily: Those mermaids are like my sisters.
Lincoln: "Then let's do something about it!"
Me, Varie, Woody, Eddy, Leni, Luna, Luan, Lynn, Lucy, Lola, Lana, Lisa, and Lily: "YEAH!"
Laney: WAIT! [we all look at her] Um, I know you guys have a problem with Lori's rules but we shouldn't resort to breaking them.
Lana: Yeah right! Like we will take advice from a suck-up!
Me: [scolding] Hey! Lana, that was totally uncalled for!
Varie: Yeah. We have enough already to deal with.
Laney: Suck-up? What are you talking about?
Lana: You've never broken a rule in your life! Always puttin' on a goody goody routine for Lori.
Laney: Hey! I can be a rulebreaker to Lori.
Lana: Then why can't you?
Laney: Ummm. Maybe, because there are some specific rules...
Lana: Or maybe, you're afraid of her!
Lincoln, Leni, Luna, Luan, Lynn, Lucy, Lola, Lisa and Lily: Ooooh!
Laney: [Furious] THAT'S IT! COUNT ME IN!
Lincoln: All right now here's the plan...
[Back in Lori room, Lori is trying to paint her toenails like in Sixteen 1/2 Magazine, but she doesn't seem to have gotten it down; suddenly, Luna's jam is back on, which Lori does not take well as it's going against her orders.]
Lori: [sees Lily playing] "Lily? What are you-"
[Just then, there are some creaks and Lori notices that we are right behind her; we tackle her and she screams for help; just then, it's revealed that we tied her up to a chair.]
Lori: [furious] "Hey! What is going on?"
Lincoln: "Your power trip is over! We're taking back our Friday nights!"
Lori: "Power trip?"
Lincoln: "Just admit it. You get a sick thrill out of bossing us around."
[Me, Varie, Woody, Eddy and The other sisters concur.]
Lori: "You think I enjoy this?
Me: Well yeah. What else would we think?
Lori: Well, unfortunately, I'm the only one who can keep this house from ending up in a pile of rubble! It's not like any of you could do it."
Lana: "Yuh-huh. Lincoln could."
Lincoln: [surprised] "I could?"
Laney: Yeah! He's twice the better babysitter than you! We're thinkin' Lincoln!
Me: You can do it buddy.
Me, Varie, Woody, Eddy, Leni, Luna, Luan, Lynn, Lucy, Lola, Lana, Lisa, and Lily: "WE'RE THINKIN' LINCOLN! WE'RE THINKIN' LINCOLN!"
[Lincoln and Lori are flabbergasted at this.]
Lori: [condescendingly] "Lincoln in charge? Ha! He couldn't lead Cliff to the litter box."
[Cliff is right next to his little box and suddenly goes right on the carpet.]
Varie: We got three words for you: BRING. IT. ON!
Lincoln: "Challenge accepted!" [takes the whistle] "Take her away!"
[the other sisters carry her to her room.]
Lori: "You won't last five minutes!" [laughs maniacally] HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!"
Me: [shuts the door] "Lola, guard this door. No one goes in, no one comes out."
[Lola nods in agreement and gets a Golf club to guard the door while dressing up as a security guard.]
Lincoln: "Say goodbye to the Queen of No..." [tosses whistle on the floor] "...and hello to the King of Yes!"
[Me, Varie, Woody, Eddy and The sisters cheer in victory; Luna is finally jamming out.]
Lincoln: "Yes to music!" [cranks the tunes and puts a happy face on Lana's mud pie.] "Yes to mud!"
Leni: [on the phone] "Seriously?"
Lincoln: "Yes to phone calls! [Gives Laney her book] Yes to reading! And yes to video games!" [turns his game on]
SUPER MEGA BRAWLERS TURBO FIGHTER XXIV
Game announcer: "Round 1: Fight!"
[But just before Me, Woody, Eddy and Lincoln can finally start playing, Leni screams and Lincoln pauses the game and we go to see what's wrong; it turns out that Luan is chasing Leni around with a rubber spider.]
Lincoln: "Uh...okay. Have fun. Just don't get too crazy."
Eddy: [Laughs] Luan you always are so funny! That's why I love you!
Luan: [Chasing Leni] Thanks Eddy my Joker King.
[Just then, Luna's amps are at a really high volume.]
Lincoln: "RAD SOUNDS! MAYBE NOT SO LOUD!" [turns it down a little which Luna doesn't understand.]
[Me, Woody, Eddy and Lincoln try to get back to our game, but there's a suddenly explosion and the smoke alarm goes off and we go check it out; Lisa comes out of her room.]
Lincoln: [concerned] "What was that?!"
Lisa: "It's science. You wouldn't understand." [just then, a tentacle grabs Lisa and drags her back in.] "AAH!" [the door closes.]
Me: That was awesome.
Eddy: Geez louise!
Me: As Ed would say: Cool.
Lincoln: "Just keep it on a leash!"
[Just before we can resume his game, we finds Lana casts a fishing rod right into the fish tank.]
Lincoln: "Lana! You can't fish in there! Those are pets."
[Lynn comes in with a bucket of dirt and pours the dirt on the floor.]
Varie: "Lynn! What are you doing?"
Lynn: "Can't ride a dirt bike without dirt."
Laney: Dirt bike? You can't ride a dirt bike in the house!
Lynn: What are you gonna do? Tell Lori? [chuckles]
Lincoln: "Give me that bucket!"
Annoyed by the thought of her being a rule-following suckup, Laney went to the fridge and grabbed some leftover pizza and went to the dining room. She hid under the table and spotted Lana.
Laney: Hey Lana! Would a suck-up do this?
She then throws a slice of pizza, but Lana dodged it and it hit Lucy instead. It was silent for a moment. Then Lucy had some waffles in her hands.
Lucy: Game on.
They all smiled and they commenced a food fight.
[Suddenly, Me, Varie, Eddy, Woody, and Lincoln are in a crossfire of pizza slices and waffles tossed by Lana, Laney and Lucy who are having a food fight; he shields himself with a cookie sheet and the pizza and waffles plaster all over it and make a rather gorgeous painting which impresses him.]
Varie: Ooh. That's a colorful work of food art.
Meanwhile at the messed up table, Laney couldn't help but laugh at how much fun this was.
Laney: That. Was. GREAT!
Lana: I knew you'd come around.
Laney: Why stop here? We got the whole night to ourselves! What do you say we get reeeeeeeeally crazy!?
Lana: Now your talking!
[Lynn is pouring water from the hose all over the carpet and then gets pegged by an incoming gourd; the hose then starts going wild; Leni is on the phone while Luan is still chasing her with her rubber spider.]
Leni: "Hi, exterminator guy! Do you do spiders?" [sees the hose] "Ew! What about water snakes?"
[The hose squirts Luan but she resumes chasing Leni; Lincoln trips over the telephone wire and lands in the mud and notices Lucy built a fort of Lily's spare diapers and me, Varie, Eddy, Lily and Woody are with her.]
Lincoln: "Lucy! What are you doing with all those diapers?"
[Lana screams like a madman and fires a barrage of meatballs.]
Lucy: "Incoming." [gets down]
Lincoln: [takes cover with her only for their fort wall to be damaged.] "Diaper wall breach!"
[I fire a ketchup squirt bottle gun at Lana as she fires a cupcake at them, but Lucy stops it by plugging up the hole with a bunch of spare diapers]
Eddy pulls out a gun that he, Ed, and Double D made at the Junkyard in Peach Creek while living Ed's favorite movie "Robot Rebel Ranch" and fired mustard at Lana and it drenched her.
Lily: Nice shot Eddy.
Eddy: Thanks Lily.
Luna: "FOR THOSE ABOUT TO ROCK!" [sets her amps to "Super Max" and has fireworks all set up for a big finale.]
Me: Duck and cover!
Lincoln: "LUNA!" [slow motion] "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO-"
[Too late; Luna plays a chord and the noise blasts Lincoln right into the wall which leaves a dent of unsightly residue; just then, Lori's taunting words echo in his mind.]
Echo Lori: "Lincoln in charge? Ha! He couldn't lead Cliff to the litter box."
[Cliff is right next to his litter box, but I grab him and place him in the litter box.]
Me: Now you go in the litter box from now on Cliff.
Cliff meows and I pet him.
Lincoln: "Thanks J.D." [Sees the destruction and gets steamed up; unplugs Luna's amps] "No guitar playing..." [takes Lana's food]"...no food fights..." [stops Lynn from riding her bike in the house] "...no dirt bikes, and no science experiments!" [takes Lisa's beakers and tosses them, causing an explosion.]
[The others aren't too happy with Lincoln suddenly changing his mind.]
Lynn: "Who do you think you are? Lori?
[His sisters minus Laney and Lily start laughing at him and go back to enjoying their Friday night.]
Lincoln: "No. I'm not." [realizing] "Lori! J.D., Varie, Eddy, Woody, Laney, Lily! Come on! We got to get Lori!"
Me: We're right behind you.
Varie: I've had enough fun for one night.
Laney: Me too.
Lily: Same here.
Woody: Yeah.
Eddy: Sure. Why not. Luan?
Luan: Yes, Eddy?
Eddy: I've had enough fun for tonight.
Luan: Me too. I'll go with you.
[Me, Varie, Eddy, Woody, Luan, Laney and Lily head to Lori's room only to be stopped by Lola.]
Lola: "Hey! No one goes in, no one comes out! Boss's orders!"
Me: "Those were my orders! Let me in!"
Lola: "I'm gonna need you to step back. All of you."
Lincoln: "Sorry about this, Lola." [charges at Lola with a war cry; Lola is about to whack him with the golf club but I use the Force and pull it out of her hands and I grab it.]
Me: Sorry Lola. But Mr. Lynn would be really mad if we ruined his golf club.
Luan: Yeah. This wouldn't amount to a good slice! [Rimshot] [Laughs] Get it?
Me, Varie and Eddy Laugh.
Me: Good one, Luan!
Varie: Funny.
Eddy: That was a good one.
[Meanwhile, Lori has somehow already broken free of her rope bindings and is filing her nails when the door opens and in comes Me, Varie, Lincoln, Eddy, Woody, Laney and Lily.] Lincoln: "Lori! Lori!"
Lori: "Ha! I knew you wouldn't last five minutes."
Lincoln: [despondently] "It's only been five minutes?"
Laney: Actually it's been more than 5 minutes, Lori.
Lincoln: [gets it together] "It's a mad house down there! You've got to help me!"
Lori: "Nah. I'm thinkin' Lincoln. You handle it."
Lincoln: "I can't! You're the only one who can keep this house from ending up in a pile of rubble." [Luna's fireworks go off] "Or ashes."
Lori: "And?"
Lincoln: "I couldn't lead Cliff to the litter box."
Me: Actually I did and he knows where to go from now on.
Lori: "Oh. Well good work J.D. And?"
Lincoln: "I'm sorry."
Me, Varie, Laney, Lily, Eddy and Luan apologize too.
Lori: "That's all I needed to hear." [puts on military shades] "Let's roll!"
Me: [Salutes] Right with you General Lori!
[We open the door with Lola still standing guard.]
Lincoln: "I don't know how to get past her. She's an animal."
[Lori covers his mouth, holds up a pile of glitter, and blows it in Lola's direction.]
Lola: [giddily chases after the sparkly cloud] "GLITTER!"
Me: Very clever.
Lincoln: [impressed] "Glitter. Nice."
Luan: That sure SPARKLED. [Rimshot] [Laughs] Get it?
Eddy: [Laughs] Good one, Luan!
[We go downstairs where Lincoln shows Lori the chaos caused by their sisters' antics.]
Lincoln: [scared] "See what I mean?!"
Lori: "Observe." [busts out her whistle and blows it and gets their attention.] "MOM AND DAD ARE GONNA BE HOME IN 10 MINUTES!"
[The other sisters hurry and get to cleaning up the mess they made.]
Lincoln: "Brilliant."
Lori: "Yeah, you learn a few tricks as you get older."
Me: I misjudged you Lori. You really do know what you're doing.
Lori: Thank you. [hears her phone ringing and answers it] "Hello? Uh-huh. Sure. Okay. Bye." [hangs up]
Lincoln: "Who was that?"
Lori: "Mom and Dad. They're gonna be home in 10 minutes."
Me: UH OH!
Lincoln: [panicking] "WHAT ARE WE GONNA DO?!"
Lori: "I got this. Luna. A little clean up music?"
Luna: "You got it, sis!"
[Three colorful boxes, one red, one yellow, and one purple are shown with Luna preparing to start the montage; she is also colored in to match the boxes like in the show's opening.]
Luna: "1, 2, 3!"
[Lori blows her whistle and everyone does what they can to clean the house; Lana puts the fish back in the tank, Lisa scrubs up the living room with a soap cannon and the help of her tentacle friend; Leni and Luan untangle the phone wire; Lynn uses the hose to clean the kitchen and then puts it outside; Lola ties up some trash and Lynn yanks it up on her dirt bike; they do the finish touches and carry everything else away as if the house was the same as it was when their parents left.]
Luna: "GOODNIGHT, LOUD HOUSE!"
[The other sisters go back to their rooms after a crazy Friday night; their parents are approaching and just as it seems all is well, there's still a dent in the wall from Lincoln's impact caused by Luna's power chord.]
Lincoln: [gasps] "The wall!" [sees the painting from the food fight] "Lori! Catch!" [tosses it to Lori.]
[Lori catches it and puts it right over the dent; their parents enter.]
Lynn Sr.: "Wow! I can't believe the house is still standing!"
Lincoln: "What'd you expect? Lori's in charge."
Me: Mm-hmm! General Lori knows how to handle things.
Lynn Sr.: General Lori. I think that's a good title for her.
Rita: "So, what are you guys up to?"
Lori: "Oh, we were just about to play a video game. You can't say "no" all the time."
Rita: "Oh, and look at this lovely piece of food art the kids made."
[Me, Varie, Laney, and Luan read some books and Lori, Lily, Eddy and Lincoln begin to play some Super Mega Brawlers Turbo Fighter XXIV.]
Lana comes down and she had a look of guilt on her face.
Lana: Laney?
Laney: What's wrong Lana?
Lana: I'm sorry I called you a suck-up. It was so wrong of me to call you that.
Laney: Apology accepted Lana.
Laney and Lana hugged.
Lana: Eddy, J.D., I saw those cool sauce blasters you had. Did you make those?
Me: Double D showed me how to build stuff out of everyday objects and junk. I invented a Ketchup squirt gun that fires ketchup like a pistol.
Eddy: Ed gave me his old junkyard blaster from when we were living out one of Lumpy's science fiction movies. I turned it into a mustard blaster.
Lana: That is cool. Double D should teach me how to do that some day.
Me: I'm sure he would be happy to.
Woody: You got to admit this was one crazy night.
Varie: It sure was Woody.
Me: Well. It sure was fun though.
Woody does his trademark laugh.
THE END.
Another fanfiction done.
I wanted to do this one for quite a while. Everything about my grandfathers is true.
See you next time.
