It starts in the estate and someone was crying. In the living room Donna Diego was comforting Brenda Quagmire who is Glenn Quagmire's younger sister. She had been in an abusive argument with her mean controlling, diminutive, abusive boyfriend Jeff and she came to us for help.
Varie was healing her.
Varie: I can't believe that Jeff did this to you.
Me: Yeah. What a monster. He needs to be locked up and they should throw away the key.
Lincoln: Yeah you said it J.D.
Pounding on the door was heard.
Jeff: I know you're in there Brenda! Come on out of there!
Brenda: It's Jeff!
Me: I'll take care of this.
I go to the door and open it and saw Jeff. He was a big bulky man with blonde hair.
Me: So you're Jeff?
Jeff: Whoa! The famous J.D. Knudson! I didn't know this was your house man.
Me: Yeah. It's my house and you have a lot of nerve picking on a poor woman like Brenda.
Jeff: Where is she!? Is she in there!?
Me: She's in a place called none of your business!
Police Sirens were heard.
2 minutes earlier as Jeff was pounding on the door I pressed a red button underneath the coffee table that was linked to the police station. This was my domestic abuse silent alarm.
It's my 273.5 alarm.
Jeff: You called the police on me!?
Me: I did!
Jeff: (Enraged) You little...!
I pull out my gun and point it at his head.
Me: Give me one good reason why I shouldn't kill you where you stand? Officers arrest this monster. All the evidence you need is in this photo.
I hand the police a photo.
Officer: Who is this?
Me: It's his girlfriend Brenda Quagmire. He's been abusing her ever since we blew up Quahog.
Brenda: That's right officers!
Officer: Is that so? You're spending the rest of your life rotting in prison Jeffery Fecalton.
Me: (Disgusted) Wait, is that his name!?
Officer: Yeah.
Me: That's hilarious! But let me warn you Jeff. If you ever come near Brenda again I will make sure you never see the light of day again by burning your eyes out!
I spit on his face.
Jeff: Hey!
Me: People like you make me sick! Get him out of here.
Officer: With pleasure.
As Jeff was being taken away he was screaming mad!
Jeff: (Enraged) You will pay for this J.D.! I WILL GET OUT OF PRISON AND I WILL KILL YOU ALL AND KILL THAT (CENSORED) BRENDA! I'LL KILL YOU ALL LIKE QUAHOG!
Me: Tell it to the Judge!
Jeff was taken away. He was sentenced to Life in the Antarctica Triple Max Prison Section without parole.
Brenda: I'm glad he's gone.
Me: Me too.
Brenda: I wish I had my brother here to comfort me.
Me: I know Brenda. But your brother is not dead. He's in an asylum.
Brenda: He is?
Me: Yes. After we gave Glenn the ultimate castration we got a law signed that anyone with a Jiraiya-Perverseness as I call it will be sent to a maximum security insane asylum for super perverts. Your brother is one of the biggest super perverts in the world. See for yourself.
I show her a bunch of photos and it showed that Glenn had affairs with more girls than anyone else can even count. He's the ultimate womanizer.
Brenda was shocked.
Brenda: I can't believe this. Our mother turned him into the biggest pervert in the world.
Varie: One of them. I can't believe he was like this.
Me: Me neither.
Brenda: Not only that but I'm glad he's not with Joe and Cleveland.
Me: And Peter. Peter's now being punished with a life sentence of ruthless humiliation for abusing his kids and for being a brainless idiot.
Lori: That's right.
My watch beeps.
Me: Oh. It's time for some more humiliations on the Griffins.
Brenda: Count me in.
Me: All right. Lets go!
We walked towards the heart of the city.
We arrived and saw the Griffin's ready for more painful torture.
Patrick Star, The Symbiote Force, The Cul-de-sac kids, The Brown's and Swanson's were with us.
Jonny had Plank's family with him.
Me: Hello Griffin's. Ready for more pain?
Bad Lois: Do your worst!
Varie: With pleasure.
Jonny: I got something! Lets huddle!
We did so and Jonny revealed his plan.
Me: That's brilliant Jonny.
Scream: It's perfect.
Donna Diego became Scream and held Peter and Bad Lois by their underwear with tendrils and Clayface formed a flat stone platform above them. Jonny used a plank on a log and he handed me a hammer.
Me: Lets see how you like this crotch chin!
I slam the hammer on the plank and it slammed their faces with a powerful uppercut and sent them flying into the air and they slammed into the platform and it really hurt. But it hurt worse with the adding of a wedgie from 20 feet into the air. Laney formed a tree and the platform was in the tree and their underwear.
We slammed them into the platform repeatedly until they got head trauma.
Eddy: I remember this! This was too funny, but it hurt really bad.
Me: Oh this will liven things up.
I spin my Magisword Bracelet.
Announcer: PINATA MAGISWORD!
I turn Peter and Bad Lois into Piñata's and they had signs on them that said "Smash Me - I'm a Stupid, Dumb, (Censored) Idiot!"
Me: Who wants to smash the piñatas!?
Everyone cheered.
I hand everyone piñata sticks and they smacked with them all over.
SMACK! SMACK SMACK! WHACK WHACK! WHACK!
We were laughing at them.
Nazz: Oh that was fun!
Kevin: It sure was.
Patrick Star came up to Peter.
Peter: You have something for me Tubby!?
(Record scratch)
Patrick: Tubby? (Enraged Growl) NOBODY CALLS ME TUBBY!
Patrick pulverized Peter all over the place and when he stopped 10 minutes later Peter looked like he lost to a crazed superhero.
Me: Whoa! Now I know what not to call Patrick.
I pull out my Taboo Notepad and write.
Me: "Patrick Star - Tubby." There.
Brian: Good thinking J.D.
Phage: You're calling Patrick Tubby? Look who's talking, fatso!
Me: Well said Phage.
Matilda: I got something I want to try.
Me: Go for it Matilda.
Matlida used her telekinetic powers and Invisible Punches start flying.
Peter: [invisible punches flying] No, please wait. [grunting as more invisible punches hit him and an elephant sound is heard when Peter's head is hit. Peter is being thrown into the air and on the ground, then given a wedgie] No, please, have mercy! [Peter is kicked into the ground and crashes through it. A subway train crashes into him and he gets beaten up really bad. He comes out and he was badly beaten up.]
We were laughing at him.
Me: That was awesome Matilda.
Matilda: Thanks J.D.
Tamara: That sure was funny.
Me: Yeah. Carl what were you like before you became Phage?
Carl revealed his face.
Carl: My story was not a good one J.D.
Carl Mach was a mercenary who worked for a sinister corporation called the "Life Foundation." The Foundation was preparing for the M.A.D. (Mutually Assured Destruction) fallout of the Cold War and sought to provide a comfortable life for their wealthy clients after the impending nuclear holocaust. The Life Foundation experimented with the Venom symbiote in the hopes of developing superhuman peacekeepers to watch over their imagined fallout shelter utopia, and Carl was one of the three men chosen as hosts for Venom's forcibly-extracted spawn.
Me: That's awful Carl. I didn't know about that.
Carl: Yeah. It was awful.
Varie: But we saved you both from that awful place.
Carl: Yes and we're grateful for it.
Numbuh 1: I got something for this.
Numbuh 1 pulled out a mustard blaster and fired it and it squirted mustard into their eyes and it burned them bad.
Me: Mustard?
Numbuh 1: Chinese Hot Mustard. I picked it up when we were in China.
Lincoln: That's awesome and I love hot mustard.
Laney: Me too big brother.
Ed: Ooh! I got something.
Ed walked up to Peter and pulled out a wedge of Rotten Cheese.
Ed: Say hello to Peter, Sheldon.
Nicole: Sheldon?
Lily: That's not Plankton in the form of Cheese is it Ed?
Ed: No Lily. This is my cheese friend Sheldon Jr. He's lived in my pocket for 72 days now.
Everyone: EW!
Deep in the endless void of space in the Sputnik satellite, Plankton was eating his dinner and he sneezed.
Plankton: AH-CHOO! Someone must be talking about me.
Back on Earth we had nose plugs on. Everyone but Mandy and Mr. Krupp were not affected. Peter and Bad Lois were hurling their guts out and then some.
Double D: You're not bothered by that awful stench?!
Krupp: Of course not. I don't have a nose.
Mandy: Me neither.
Billy: Ooh I gots something!
Billy walked up to Bad Lois and squeezed his big nose and splattered her with a shower of his slimy snot.
Everyone: EW!
We laugh at her some more.
Me: That was awesome Billy!
Irwin: It sure was, yo.
Cleveland: I have something to say to Peter. Son want to come with me?
Cleveland Jr.: You know it pop.
They walked up to Peter and they were not happy.
Cleveland: Peter Griffin I don't know what I ever saw in you as a friend. You are a big fat, brainless, alcoholic, stupid, (Censored), (Censored), (Censored), (Censored), idiot that only cares about no one but himself!
We all gasped in shock at the words he said.
Me: Whoo! That was harsh but it's fitting. What a loser! Well said though Mr. Brown.
Cleveland Jr.: Yep. Thanks J.D. And Peter this is for me.
He takes a gun out and shoots him in the shoulder.
Peter screams in pain.
We laugh at him some more.
William and Luan then sneak up behind Peter with barber razors as Psycho Strings were playing and they shaved his hair off his head.
Peter: (Screams) What the (Censored)!
We laugh at Peter's bad haircut.
Luan: We Shaved the Best for last! (Laughs to rimshot) Get it?
We laugh at the joke.
Cleveland: The joke's on you baldy!
Me: (Laughs) That was a good one Luan!
Toxin: (Laughs) That was hilarious!
Me: Yeah! Patrick how did you get the Toxin Symbiote?
Toxin revealed Patrick's face.
Patrick: Well it's not a pleasant scenario.
Carnage about to birth another symbiote, was threatened by its existence and attempted to destroy it. Venom, however, wanted to raise and train the new Symbiote as an ally and partner. Weakened by the actual birthing, Carnage was unable to kill the newborn symbiote. Supplanting the Symbiote in Patrick Mulligan, a New York City cop, it returned in later days. Venom named the new Symbiote Toxin, after himself. Carnage and Venom both knew that because of how powerful Toxin would become in time, and also since his host was a police officer, he would most likely be a hero rather than a villain. Because of this, they made a temporary alliance so that they could kill him but in the end they were defeated. Pat still felt that being bonded with Toxin made him a threat to his wife and newborn son and left them without explanation until he felt he could control the Symbiote.
Toxin aided Spider-Man and the Avengers in rounding up many of the escaped convicts from the Raft including, King Cobra, the Wrecker, and the Answer. Pat was specifically tasked by Spider-Man with finding Razorfist and considered it a test of Pat's capability and control over Toxin. During this period Pat struggled to teach Toxin right from wrong and the value of restraint. Pat's attempts were set back by a bout of rage in which he allowed Toxin to kill a criminal for murdering a police officer.
Pat's attempts to hunt down Razorfist were continually waylaid by Toxin's unwillingness to participate, as the symbiote was still unclear on the complexities of moral thinking. Pat's attempted suicide over his broken life cause Toxin to consider his feelings more, leading to Toxin shapeshifting into an alter ego named Larry to interact with Pat's wife and son. Toxin then made this kindness into a deal. In exchange for continuing this service Pat would 'black out' and allow Toxin two hours of freedom to do as he wished, so long as there was 'no arson, no grand larceny and no homicide.' This continued for some time. During one of these blackouts, Toxin read Pat's laptop diary entries and destroyed the device when he became upset about Pat's opinion of him, specifically calling him a monster. When stealing a replacement in a misguided attempt to do the right thing, Spider-Man defeated Toxin and repeated his request for Pat to catch Razorfist, berating him for letting Toxin 'run wild.
After torturing his address out of Pat's ex-partner, Razorfist made an attempt to kill Pat in his own home but instead found his father who was killed in the struggle. Razorfist escaped whilst Pat checked on his father. Whilst discussing the possibility of killing Razorfist Pat said to Spider-Man "If I cross that line... throw me in Riker's and throw away the key." Toxin defeated Razorfist, and despite Razorfist's taunts, he refused to kill him, finally gaining control of the beast inside him. Pat then got back together with his estranged wife, Gina, and told her about Toxin and about the reason he had left her.
Me: Patrick that's awful and you are a hero.
Patrick: Yes. I can't believe that Razorfist was that evil and he got what he deserved.
Me: He did.
Lana: What a monster!
Lola: No kidding!
Meg: I got something for Peter!
Me: Go get him Meg.
Meg walked up to Peter and bend him over and she farted right in his face at point blank range.
FART!
Peter: Oh that is disgusting Meg! You learned something from me after all.
Meg: It will be the last time too "Dad".
We laughed at Peter for that.
Lasher: That was too funny!
Me: It sure was. What were you like when you became Lasher, Ramon?
Ramon's face was revealed.
Ramon: My life was not easy.
Ramón Hernández was a mercenary who worked for a sinister corporation called the "Life Foundation." The Foundation was preparing for the M.A.D.(Mutually Assured Destruction) fallout of the Cold War and sought to provide a comfortable life for their wealthy clients after the impending nuclear holocaust. The Life Foundation experimented with the Venom symbiote in the hopes of developing superhuman peacekeepers to watch over their imagined fallout shelter utopia, and Ramón was one of the three men chosen as hosts for Venom's forcibly-extracted spawn.
Me: That's awful. I'm sorry Ramon.
Ramon: It's not your fault J.D. I was made what I am and now we're Lasher.
Me: That's true.
Lincoln: I got something. J.D. you want to help me with this?
Me: You know it buddy.
Me and Lincoln unshackled Peter and Bad Lois and take them high up into the sky.
Lincoln: We're gonna drop them from 5,000 feet in the air.
Me: Oh that's cool.
At 5,000 feet we dropped them and the air whistled as they fell. Then they crashed into the ground with incredible force.
CCCCCCRRRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSHHHHHHHHHHHH!
Varie: Oh! That's got to hurt!
Laney: No kidding!
We all laugh at them. When they were chained up again we decided to give them presents.
Me: Happy Birthday Peter.
Eddy gave Peter a massive firecracker and it exploded in his face.
KABOOM!
We gave them lots of firecrackers and they all exploded.
The Mad Bomber provided them.
Luan: Those are presents that go out with a Bang! (Laughs to Rimshot) Get it?
We laugh at Luan's joke.
Scream: That was a good one!
Me: It sure was. Donna how did you become Scream?
Donna: It was not a pleasant thing.
Donna had a history of psychotic episodes, but despite this she passed a background check and became a security guard for the Life Foundation. As part of their program to create a super-powered security force, the Life Foundation scientists kidnapped Venom. They removed his symbiote's "seeds," hatched them and merged the resulting creatures with five of their most skilled and trusted employees. One of those employees was Donna.
Laney: Donna that's awful.
Lucy: Yeah. I'm sorry that happened to you.
Donna: I know. But I'm over it now.
Me: Well that's a relief.
Vince: Yeah. No one should ever have episodes like that. It's not right.
Donna: Yeah.
Kenai: Let me and Nita do something.
Kenai and Nita became bears and they were wearing Orange Leotards. They went at Peter and Bad Lois and mauled them.
They changed back and they had their orange leotards on.
Me: I got something! (Pulls out a Pokeball) Ursaring come out and pulverize Peter!
He was comforting Nita during her change back. Then he did so and pounded Peter.
Ursaring: (You know you are just as abusive as Paul is. But you are just as completely stupid)
Me: You said it Ursaring. Return!
I beam him back into the Pokeball.
Me: I'm getting the hang of it.
May: You sure are.
Luna: That was rockin' dude!
Me: Rockin! Now for the finishing touch.
I take an oxygen tank and put a mask on Peter's face and pump gas into him. And then he started laughing uncontrollably. (Think of Arthur Reeves laughing from Batman Mask of The Phantasm)
Me: The Joker's Laughing Poison. It'll wear off in 3 days. Enjoy your laughter if you don't die first.
I walk back.
We were laughing at him again.
Later we went back home and enjoyed ourselves before dinner. Brenda Quagmire now lives under our protection.
THE END
Another Fanfiction Complete.
NicoChan11 gave me some of the ideas for this one. Thanks man as usual. The rest of the ideas were done by me.
Let me know what you all think.
See you all next time.
