Hey everyone, happy Sunday!
I've had this idea for a while and I'm finally sharing it with you guys.
Please let me know what you think so I know if I should continue it.
Can't wait to read your comments!
Happy reading!
Xoxo,
Nina
The title of the story is inspired on the song 'Back to December'
He woke up startled in the middle of the night. Trying to go to sleep again would be useless, so he sat up in bed, his back against the headboard and his fist rubbing his eyes before reaching for the nightstand to grab his phone and check the time. Four a.m.
"Crap." Was the only thing that managed to come out of his mouth. He was angry and frustrated, another sleepless night which only meant another day fueling on caffeine at the district.
It was the fourth time in a row that he had woken up like this and he didn't understand why it was happening. Why now? Why was his subconscious doing this to him? The same dream, every night, and although he couldn't see her face, he knew who it was about. No matter how many years passed by, he was never going to forget the shape of her body, her every curve, the way she moved around, every step she took, every little thing, it was just so distinct to her. He had no doubts, she had never left his head and for some reason, his deepest thoughts were bringing her back.
With his phone already in his hand, he went on doing the only thing he thought of. He got into his instagram account and searched for her. Her user name was burned into his brain like the most permanent tattoo ever, and even though they had never followed each other again, a part of him hoped that she would finally have her profile open. He wasn't sure what he wanted to find. Probably just wanted to see how she was doing, what she was up to. It was obvious to him that she had moved on already and the idea of her being married and having a family was one that popped up very frequently in his head and although he would never admit it to anyone, it made his stomach turn.
He felt stupid, very stupid. Eight years had gone by, a lot had happened, so much had changed, yet one thing remained. The hold she had of his heart.
"Morning dawg, did you fall outta bed or something?" Kevin Atwater was already at the district, getting himself some coffee from the break room, and was surprised to see his friend in the premises so early.
"Couldn't sleep, so I went for a run and then came here."
"Again?"
"Yeah." He walked towards the coffee maker to grab his mug. "I keep having these dreams."
"Nightmares?"
"No." He thought for a second. Nothing related to her could be a nightmare, with the exception of the excruciating pain he experienced after they broke up. But then again the way these dreams were messing with his head was no walk in the park either. "Well, maybe they are. I'm not so sure anymore." Kevin looked at him with big eyes, waiting for his friend to give him something more. "I keep dreaming about her."
"Who?"
"Burgess."
If his eyes were big before now the eyeballs were probably going to jump off the sockets any second. They hadn't really talked about her lately, but he wasn't blind, he knew some sort of flame was still hidden somewhere in his friend's heart, he just wasn't going to be the one to point it out.
"Oh. Didn't see that coming."
"Have you heard anything from her? I know you're still in contact."
"Not so much, dude. We haven't spoken in a while now."
"Nothing on social media?" Kevin didn't even use words to answer, he just shook his head. "Can you check?"
"Come on, bro. Don't do this to yourself."
"Why? Is she with someone?"
Kevin turned to look at Adam, a very serious look on his face almost gave Ruzek the chills.
"And why would that matter? Last time I checked you were with someone."
Leave it to Atwater to give you a reality check in seconds. "I'm going to my desk. I have some paperwork to catch up with."
Adam was left speechless. Kevin had a very good point, he was seeing someone, Kim wasn't even here, so what the fuck was going on with him right now?
With his thoughts completely jumbled up, he returned to his desk, Kevin was still the only person in the bullpen and he was glad about that, because a part of him felt ashamed of what had just happened.
"Listen man, I'm sorry." Adam sounded like a little kid who regretted his actions.
"Don't say sorry to me." Kevin wasn't even annoyed, he was just trying to help his friend go back to his senses, whatever those were.
"Well, I'm not going to apologize to Tori for dreaming about my ex fiance."
"Dude, I'm not talking about Tori, I don't even like her. I'm talking about you. Be honest to yourself."
"I need to move on, Kev. How long am I going to keep my life paused for?"
"For as long as it takes bro. You can't live a life with someone when you're still stuck on the idea of what you had with someone else. It's not fair for either of you."
Adam still didn't speak because today his mind was clouded by one thought in particular.
"Is she with someone? I need to know bro."
"I really don't know, dawg. Why don't you just contact her?"
"Nah. After all these years? And say what?"
"Then just let it go."
Atwater tried to give honest advice because he could see how lost his friend was. It had crushed his heart to see both of the struggle when she called off their engagement.
Kim tried to play tough but her soul was shattered, ultimately pushing her to transfer. She couldn't stay there, see him every day and be reminded of everything she lost.
Adam didn't understand, he needed answers and he really hit bottom. He still didn't understand and still needed answers but at least now he was trying to live his life. He wasn't sure if what was happening to him had to do with still having feelings for her or with all the questions he still had about their time together and how it ended. Maybe he just needed closure, maybe that was all he was looking for. Everyone around him tried telling him that there was no greater closure than having your ex move away from you, figuratively and literally; but apparently that wasn't enough for him.
"Yeah, yes. I'll push it away from my head."
"Ok, bro."
"Ok."
As the rest of the team started to get to the district it was easier for him to focus on his job, especially because now everyone was wondering about the reason why Voight was missing in action and that kept his head trying to solve that mystery.
It wasn't common for their sergeant not to be there with them without them knowing what the deal was about and the fact the Trudy had been up there a couple of times but didn't spill her guts either was having all of them at the edge of their seats.
They ended up doing what they were always encouraged to do, get ahead on their paperwork and check on their CIs to see how everything was going and if there was anything going on that they hadn't yet found out about.
Despite their eagerness to know what was going on with their boss, he never showed up, and when the clock indicated that it was time to go home, his head started to spiral again and his phone buzzing didn't help at all.
Are you coming over tonight? Haven't seen you in a while and I miss you.
He didn't answer, he didn't know what to do or what he even wanted to do.
His relationship with Victoria never intended to be serious, and he still didn't fully consider it like that either.
They had been dating for a while now, and the only reason why he was in that position was because he was determined to move on. He liked Tori. She was younger than him, seven years to be exact and was passionate about her designing career. They met at a party, hooked up and we're on and off for a while until she started to demand him for more and he agreed to that, going with the flow of the whole situation.
Adam was happy but deep down he felt that something was missing, but he never said that to anyone. It was his secret, although he was sure that Kevin knew. He never said anything though.
Reading the message over and over, he could help but thinking about his feelings. He liked being with Tori, she was cool, fun and caring, but she never sparked that special flame his heart once felt. Not Tori, not anyone for that matter, had been able to extinguish that fire. The one that Kim Burgess lit.
He put his phone down, grabbed the steering wheel and started to drive in a direction he hadn't pursued in a while.
The thoughts in his head were driving him crazy, he needed to drown them with alcohol and Molly's wasn't going to cut it. He needed peace and quiet.
Forty minutes later he was in his hometown, parked in front of The Odyssey. He'd been there when he was a teenager a bunch of times and gotten into trouble in more opportunities than one. He had put that place behind him, except for one period of his life.
Shutting his eyes with force the memories of him taking Kim there when they were first dating and trying to hide it from everyone were as lucid as ever. Her smile, her laughter and her smell were still living rent free in his soul and no matter how hard he tried, there was no way of pushing all that aside.
He killed the engine of his truck and walked right into the bar. It was crowded and it smelled of smoke and alcohol.
Sitting on a stool by the counter, he asked the waiter for a glass of scotch that quickly became three and he felt how his judgment was beginning to get clouded. Exactly what he wanted.
He looked down at the glass, twirling it around and waiting for all the alcohol to affect him like he hoped it would, but unlucky for him, it was doing exactly the opposite.
When he looked up to ask for another one, he froze.
At the far end of the counter there was a glass of scotch on the rocks with what seemed to be a slice of lime. The fingers that went on to wrap it were small and delicate, the sight of them made his skin tingle and he was instantly drawn to know more about that person. As the graceful hand moved the glass upwards to finally meet the lips that were about to receive the contents of the glass, his eyes widened.
He knew those lips and gosh he missed them. The tingle he felt earlier was now a tidal wave crushing everything inside him.
It was her.
His eyes immediately shut as his hand ran through his face trying to reduce the stress, rubbing his eyes with his thumb and index finger. He needed to make sure his sight wasn't clouded, he needed to know if he was hallucinating or not.
When his eyes opened there was no one sitting at that stool, showing him how messed up his head was.
"I need help." He spoke to his insides before pulling his phone out of his pocket and quickly typing a message.
Not today Tor. Had a busy day and I'm way too tired. Talk to you tomorrow.
He couldn't see her now, he needed a shower and his bed and just try to make his recent thoughts go away.
Adam stood up, leaving some money on the counter and walking to the door. He was so deep in his thoughts that he missed the empty glass of scotch sitting in the far end of the counter.
