Chapter 1: Homophobic and Xenophobic


Henry returned from a private audience with the Queen at Buckingham Palace furious with his grandmother and incredibly angry at the firm's long-standing customs and traditions. He and Alex had been outed, in the most horrific of circumstances and Alex had offered to fly over and help the Crown and his country present them as a united front. But the Queen had said no. Her word was gospel. Henry had naturally been distraught but had reassured Alex that he still loved him, and they would be OK. Only for his grandmother to call him into a meeting the very next morning and order him to end his relationship with Alex, immediately. "Nothing good can come of the relationship, dear Henry. I am just trying to protect you and protect your heart. End it now, while we can still preserve your reputation." She had ordered him, with her cold dismissal and immediately left the room.

Henry had been still seething mad when he arrived back at Kensington Palace. His arrival did not go unnoticed by his equerry, Shaan and he knew what he had to do. "I know it's not the best time, Sir." Shaan interrupted him with a sigh and an abortive gesture to prevent Henry's escape to his room. "But it is imperative. I need a moment of your time in my office, as soon as possible."

Henry huffed and sighed in frustration and anger. He knew it wasn't Shaan's fault and he was certain that Shaan had caught wind of why Henry was angry, no doubt looped in by one of the crusty old male servants his grandmother keeps on staff. The Crown staff gossiped betwixt themselves, unable to gossip elsewhere due to the ironclad NDA's each staff member signed upon their employment to the Crown. No doubt, as much as both Henry and Shaan hated it, Shaan would have been directed to reiterate the Queen's edict to her grandson in no uncertain terms.

Taking the offered seat and the offered cup of tea, Henry sighed again "What is it, Shaan? I imagine you already know of the insurmountable task I have been saddled with; I do wish to be alone with my thoughts."

Shaan shifted uncomfortably behind his desk, taking a seat in his chair, before he reached into the bottom drawer of his desk. The suspension file was the same colour as every other file in his office and like the other files, this one had nothing written on it, either. Nothing stood out about it. "I have, Sir." Shaan answered him, affirmatively. He looked at his young charge closely, considering how to approach this sensitive manner, delicately. "Permission to speak freely?" He asked, lowering his voice. Henry couldn't read Shaan and that rarely happened. His curiosity was piqued when Shaan had retrieved the bulging suspension file from the bottom drawer. Henry had always known that housed Shaan's private, personal files, and had nothing to do with the Crown or its business. Henry gave him a small nod to continue. Shaan immediately shot to his feet, lowered the blinds and closed the office door, making sure to lock it behind him.

"Henry, did you know that in addition to being your father's equerry, I was also your father's closest friend and most trusted advisor?" Henry could only nod. Shaan had only ever called him Henry once before, when he was fifteen and had been thrown from a horse at polo practice. "I understand that you have been ordered to end the relationship between yourself and Mr. Claremont-Diaz? That as much as you do not want to end things with him, you feel that you must do your duty and follow the Queen's orders to the letter."

"Yes!" Henry spat out in a hiss, his voice staying low, but dripping in venom. "I don't want to, I love Alex, but the Crown is demanding it."

"Homophobic and Xenophobic?" Shaan asked and Henry tapped his nose, something that Shaan smiled at, remembering that his best friend used to that too. That his son was now his charge and sitting before him. The apple certainly didn't fall far from the tree, indeed. "Typical. You should have heard the words out of her mouth, when your father hired me as his equerry after his marriage into the royal family."

"One could only imagine." Henry retorted, looking Shaan over. It was the truth; Henry had no doubt that Shaan's Indian heritage would have rubbed his grandmother the wrong way. Especially if her reaction to his friend Pez, was anything to go by. "The things she says to Alex's face is deplorable enough. I am just glad that Alex doesn't hear the things she says behind his back. I don't think either of us could stop him from strangling her. Not even your delightful Ms. Bankston could intervene."

"I am not so sure about that, Sir. I have it on good authority that while Mr. Claremont-Diaz may irritate her and annoy her to no end. She does care for him. Love him, even, one might suggest. Although not her to face, of course. I understand that Mr. Claremont-Diaz was only four years old when my Zahra first met him and that he was cute as a button." Henry gave his Equerry a small smile at the thought of a little cheeky Alex, only four years old giving Zahra a run for her money. "I am led to believe he used to follow her around and want to do everything she was doing. Her own personal little shadow." Shaan smiled at Henry, as he recalled the story his love had told him. The one of Zahra meeting Alex for the first time. "I believe it was somewhere around his fifteen birthday, and seemingly out of nowhere, he became the annoying, yet loveable larrikin that he is now. My love may threaten him with bodily harm every other day. But if he was truly threatened or hurt, she would move heaven and earth, to make the culprit pay, and pay dearly. When she found you and he, in that hotel room and she realised that I already knew, I truly thought she was going to castrate me. I mentioned in passing, as a joke, that I was going to kill him and she all but threatened me with my life, as well as my manhood."

"I can imagine." Henry murmured in agreement. He had met Zahra a few times now and he had seen Alex on the phone to her. He was in awe of her and terrified of her, in perfectly equal parts. Besides, she and June seemed to be the only two people on this planet to know how to one hundred percent, keep Alex and his larger-than-life personality in line. Nora was close, in second place at ninety-eight percent.

"Let's get down to business." Shaan began, as he handed Henry a small, white envelope. Henry stopped in his own tracks when he recognised the handwriting on the front of the envelope. "First, read this. Just read it, Sir. Your father will explain everything to you."

My dearest son,

I have been hoping and praying since they first put you in my arms that you would never need this. So, if you are reading this, then the time has come. First off, I want you to know that you can trust Shaan with your life. Shaan Srivastava has been by my side, longer than I have known and loved your mother. We played together as small boys of barely six years old and inseparable. Our fathers were best friends, having met as small children, themselves when my grandfather, your great-grandfather was the British Ambassador to India.

It became apparent to me, back when you were eleven years old, that you and Philip are very different men. Do you remember the discussion that we had on the subject back then? I don't know how much of that discussion you remember. I remember that I was worried for you, for your grandmother's behaviour and for your future living in the Royal Family. I am sure by now; you know of all the stunts that she tried to pull between your mother and me. Even after the three of you were born. Your Gran made it no secret she wished for me to leave your mother. Your answers in that discussion, although your personal truth, worried me. They worried me enough to concoct this plan with Shaan and extract a promise from him. His promise that no matter what happened in life, he was to see my plan through, to the very end.

My dearest Hen, I fear she will force you to be someone you are not and that I will be unable to protect you. Your grandmother is a formidable woman, but she is someone who cares nothing of people, of their thoughts, feelings or inclinations. The only thing that matters to her is image. The image of the Crown and what it represents. I am sure by now; you've heard your mother utter on more than one occasion her anger that she will always hold towards your grandmother.

When I came to understand who you are, my boy, I began hatching this plan in my head. It began as a crazy notion, and it only grew. One night, over drinks and darts at the pub with Shaan, I let him in on my plan for you. I know how you feel about the Crown, and I know how you do not want that kind of life that it offers.

I know you have wanted to abdicate more than once; I sometimes wish you would. Henry, you have so much potential to write or to ... not write. The world is your oyster, your passion to succeed is its pearl. But I fear that you will not be able to fully break free from its trappings, without our help.

Philip may be the heir, but you as the spare does not mean you're inferior (despite your brother's insistence that you are). In fact, it is just the opposite, you have more power than he. Not power in the Crown, but more personal power. The power to be the someone you need to be, for you. The power to love who you love and affect change. Just not within the confines of the firm. It is a homophobic and xenophobic institution and I fear for you and your future.

However, you are not a confrontational person, nor are you delusional enough to know that whilst your grandmother is in control, you are not safe to live the life you long for. So, I need you to blindly trust Shaan. He shan't lead you astray. I need you to not question his decisions. He is acting in your best interests and in mine. I know you long for a life, away from the Crown and as your father, it is my wish that to see you get it. Please remember you do not owe anyone an apology for being your true self. Should you have something to say to the world, say it when you're ready and not. Or don't say it at all, remember the choice is yours.

I love you too much to leave you to flounder in this life, my dear son.

Love Dad.

P.S. In the spirit of honesty, this is absolutely barking mad. But a viable option for you, one that will work. You need this for you... And possibly for your own sanity, too.

"OK?" Henry asks folding up the letter, reluctant to hand it back over to Shaan, wanting to keep his father's words close to him. "What do we do?"

"Nothing. And do not speak to Mr. Claremont-Diaz about anything today and do not end your relationship with him, either." Shaan instructed him. "I need you to not mention anything to anyone about what you have read and what we discussed. Not to Mr. Okonjo, not even Her Royal Highness, Princess Beatrice. No one can know in order for this work. Do you trust me?"

"Yes." Henry answered automatically. He had always trusted Shaan, he hadn't needed his father to tell him to, but it was wonderful to see that his father trusted him too.

"Good. Go into the music room and spend some time with your piano. I need an hour to get a couple of things sorted." Shaan instructed him.


An hour later, the beeping of his phone distracted him from the sweet and soulful melody his fingers had been playing on his piano. The notification had been from a burner of phone. The telephone number, one he didn't recognise.

§Go into your bedroom, now. §

Henry felt skeptical but realised that the message was discreetly signed by Shaan. The § is a typographical character for referencing individually numbered sections of a document; it is frequently used when citing sections of a legal code. But it was also Shaan's initials. SS. Shaan Srivastava.

Inside his bedroom, was dark. Shaan came into the light. "Here is the plan. You know how you sneak out to the palace, to the V and A? I need you to do the same thing tonight. Meet me at 1am. Meet me in the shadows, near the workers entrance and use the ball cap and your jeans, as a disguise. We cannot talk about this here and delete the message and the number I just used. I will get a new number."

All Henry could do was nod. He looked on the bed and saw that Shaan had removed all of his casual clothes from his closet, his comfort clothes. His sweats, his beloved pyjama's and his robe. As well as all of David's worldly belongings.

"What will happen to David?" he asked, worried for him. David was his emotional support dog. Shaan had gifted him to Henry, after his father's death, five years ago.

"He is your dog; I imagine he will go wherever you go." Shaan grinned at him. "But for now, I need to take him with me. He will be safe with me, I promise. Should anyone ask, he is with the veterinarian, having some dental work done."

At 12:45 am, Henry slipped out of Kensington Palace undetected through a side gate. No one noticed him leaving. Not a soul.

Shaan was lying in wait for him, also in disguise and the two of them walk down the street together. Giving off the appearance of two friends going for a stroll. They made their way around to the main entrance and sat on the front steps.

"Do you really want me to do this?" Shaan asked Henry. "You realise that if we do this, you will not be able to have any contact with Her Royal Highness, Princess Beatrice or Mr. Okonjo. You will be in complete isolation. You may leave her a letter. But you cannot tell her any of the particulars."

"I worry that my mental health is going to nosedive, if I stay here any longer." He confessed. "It already teeters most days, when I am not with Alex. That is not to say that I am better, when I am with him. Just that I feel like I am in more control of it."

"Yes, I have noticed that he seems to be able to ground you." Shaan observed freely. "Unfortunately, we're going to need you to follow the Queen's orders and break off the relationship with Mr. Claremont-Diaz."

"What?!" Henry exploded. Shaan wasn't having any of the outburst, holding up his hand to stop the oncoming rant.

"Mr. Claremont-Diaz will know it is a ruse, as well and I have taken the liberty to set a chain of events in motion at his end. He will be joining you on your expedition, as well." Shaan smiled at him. "But first, you need to play the heartbroken prince. The media will need to see you, just as they will need see him. Both of you, will need to be seen as heartbroken, sad and disheveled. After an insurmountable amount of time, I shall discreetly leak information that the Crown wedged their way into your relationship and tore the two of you apart. I, of course, will be watched very closely. I plan to resign and move to the US, to be with Zahra. Make no mistake, they will follow me, both covertly and overtly. However, we will still have a firm line of communication between us."

"Alex won't run away and hide. He isn't a coward ..." Henry left the rest of it unsaid, but it was heard, nonetheless.

"My source has already confirmed that he is committed to the plan." Shaan interrupted Henry. "Even Alex understands that it is the only option the two of you have left, right now. Or at least until the Queen is no longer on the throne. But even then, I am sure she has more than a few cronies in parliament, who will be more than happy to carry on in her homophobic and xenophobic ways, in the event that she is no longer on the throne."

Henry nodded his agreement to his equerry. Shaan had never steered him wrong before and although he hadn't come and said it outright, Henry was sure that his contact was Zahra.

"Do you have time to pop over to my flat? There is something, you should see." Shaan asked him. Shaan's tone of voice conveyed the question almost like an edict and made it hard for Henry to say no.

Henry raised his eyebrows and nodded in the affirmative. In all the years he had known Shaan, he had only ever been to Shaan's flat once before. It was when he had been thrown from his horse. After they had been to the hospital. Thankfully, nothing had been broken, but his father had just died, and the Queen was making noise about Henry not being allowed to ride or play polo anymore, in case he fell. Protecting the spare at all costs. So, Shaan had taken him back to his flat. Thankfully the prince had only been scuffed up and a bit tender. Shaan had managed to procure him a change of sweats and had allowed Henry to clean himself up, get some ibuprofen and rest, without anyone from Kensington Palace running back to the Queen, or her staff.

The trip to Shaan's flat was close to the V and A and ridiculously close to the palace. Shaan made quick work of unlocking the door and ushering Henry inside. "This is not a come on in any way, but what I need to show you is in the guest bedroom." Shaan explained, leading the way down the hallway. Henry could scarcely believe his eyes, there was his boyfriend. Sound asleep, under the covers, seriously jetlagged, curled up in the bed that occupied his equerry's guest room. Before the prince could ask Shaan anything further, his equerry continued. "When your grandmother's equerry called and requested a meeting, I had no doubts of her plans. I was certain you would go along with your father's plan. I personally contacted Mr. Claremont-Diaz and we quickly set up a covert means of communication. The less details you know, the safer it will be for you both. But I had to get him here as soon as possible and undetected for our plan to succeed."

"H ... how quickly will this play out?" Henry asked his confidant and long-term friend, Shaan.

"You will get a message on your phone, and you will sneak out of the palace, like you did tonight, with nothing but whatever you are wearing and one backpack. Leave your laptop, tomorrow I will scrub it and there will be nothing on it. It will be as if it was purchased that day. Take your phone with you, we will dispose it later." Shaan instructed to his charge. He could see that Henry was scared, but he knew that he would be ok. The love of his life would be with him.


Henry spent the remainder of the night wide awake, and by the light of morning, Shaan arrived at work, as if last night had been a bubble in time. They quickly went over the morning's itinerary, as if it was an everyday occurrence. Shaan had organised a stress-free day for him, knowing that his mind must be positively racing right now, with everything else he must be thinking of. A trip to the children's hospital, this time without Alex and reporters by his side. A task Shaan knew that Henry thoroughly enjoyed. Lunch with back at the palace with his sister, and in the afternoon some personal time.

The trip to the hospital was just as pleasant as before and Henry found himself glance at a particular closet and smile softly. He was missing Alex, and that was fine. The whole time he had been in Shaan's flat, Alex had not wakened, not even stirred. He had held no inkling that Henry had laid beside him, curled into him, missing him, even though he was physically here.

Lunch with Bea was odd, normally they took afternoon tea. That being said, Henry enjoyed seeing his sister and spending time with her. Bea had apologised profusely and explained that she would be gone all afternoon and evening on some business with Buckingham Palace. Her and her grandmother would be in royal engagements all afternoon.

He spent the afternoon gathering a few of his sparse belongings he could not live without. His favourite and beloved copies of both Sense and Sensibility, as well as Pride and Prejudice, his favourite Jane Austen novels. His father's signet ring, that he had inherited when his father had passed. In fact, his father had given it to him just before he died, with a passing jab that he didn't always have to wear the one his grandmother had given him. He also packed his a few small trinkets his father had given him, as well as a small family photo frame he took when he travelled, which contained a photo of his family before his father got sick. These few sparse belongings barely filled his pockets, let alone a backpack, but he stowed them in the bag, as requested.

He sat at his writing desk. He knew that tonight was the night. He didn't want to leave with no word completely, knowing how distressed Bea would be to find him gone without an explanation. He pulled out a page of his personalized stationery and wrote a letter to Bea. She was his oldest sister and the person he was closest to most in this world, besides Alex and Shaan.

My Dearest Bea,

Like branches on a tree, we grow in different directions. Yet our roots will always remain as one. We will always be a part of one another no matter what happens, or where we go in the world.

If I could be anything other than what I am, I'd want a tomorrow. If I could be what our grandmother wants me to be, maybe I could stay for that too. If I could be what you want me to be, then I'd want to stay. But I am what I am, and all I want is freedom.

Love Hen

Quickly, he put his note in an envelope and sealed it, scribbling her name across the front as his phone dinged. Looking at it, he saw the unmistakable text from an unknown number.

§ It is time. §

Henry took one last look around the room, his suits hanging neatly in his closet, his bed made perfectly. His bathroom and sitting room in perfect order. He pulled the envelope for Bea out of its hiding place and left it where she would easily find it when she returned tonight.

Slowly and his heart full of hope, he slipped out of the palace undetected. Like he had a hundred times before.