Note: The flashback in this chapter takes place before the events of Sportz.
At Lynn's Table everyone was having a great meal.
Maria: After destroying the M'arrillians, we needed this meal.
Kaz: We still have Van Bloot and his goons to deal with.
Tom: Plus Krystella and Klay.
Sarah Gunnerson: Yep.
Peyton: To the end of the M'arrillians!
Everyone: HERE HERE!
They got to eating.
Captain Cold: I agree.
But then they saw a bunch of customers hurling their guts out!
VOMITVILLE!
Captain Cold: Why are the customers puking?
Lori: (Groans) I don't feel so good! (VOMITS)
Leni: (Groans) Me neither Lori. (VOMITS)
Suddenly everyone was hurling their guts out.
The only ones not present were me and Nico because we were over in Africa, destroying a bunch of evil terrorists.
Later when me and Nico got back we saw that the whole city was a ghost town. There wasn't anyone on the streets and the shops were closed.
Me: My god. What the hell happened?
Nico: I don't know. But it looks like the whole city was turned into a Ghost Town.
Me: This is totally weird.
But then in an electronics store we saw a news report from Kent Brockman. He had an image of a volcano erupting projectile vomit and it said SPEWCANO on it.
Kent Brockman: Lynn's Table has had all of its food contaminated. The whole city has been infected with severe cases of bad food poisoning. Which is why all the shops are closed and everyone in the city is not walking around. They are all at home puking their guts out.
Me: Whoa! So the whole city is sick!
Kent Brockman: It's not just everyone in the city that's sick, Team Loud Phoenix Storm and the Masters of Evil are all sick. The food poisoning has been traced to a single ingredient: Contaminated Flour.
Me: Uh oh. We better go check this out. I smell a Rotwood Plot happening.
Nico: I feel it too.
Me and Nico went to Lynn's Table and we found it closed due to the Food Poisoning.
Me: Luckily, Mr. Lynn gave me one of his keys just for something like this.
I pulled out a key chain and it was a key in the shape of a burger with a lasagna.
Nico: Fancy Keys.
Me: Yep.
We went into the restaurant and looked around and we went into the kitchen and we looked for anything out of the ordinary.
We were looking high and low.
Nico: Find anything?
I looked under the mixer.
Me: Not yet. (Sees something) Wait a second.
I pulled out a tube and there was a label on it.
Me: What's this?
Nico: Looks like some kind of tube.
I looked at the label and it said Foodborne Illness bacteria.
Me: "Foodborne Illness Bacteria." Found it!
Nico: This is definitely Rotwood's Handiwork. We got to let everyone know.
Me: Right.
We went back to the estate and we saw everyone hurling their guts out and their were pale and were in a lot of pain.
Me: Man this is really bad.
Nico: No kidding.
May: Hey guys. (VOMITS INTO A BUCKET)
Nico: May!
He went over to her and pat her back.
Nico: You're gonna be all right.
Me: I'm gonna go talk to Mr. Lynn and Ms. Rita.
I went over to the parents room and knocked on the door.
Lynn Sr.: Come in.
I went in and saw Lynn Sr. and Rita on the bed.
Me: I hope I didn't interrupt anything.
Rita: You didn't J.D.
Me: I found the source of the food poisoning Mr. Lynn.
Lynn Sr.: You did? What is it?
Me: (Holds up tube) This. This tube contained foodborne illness bacteria and Hans Rotwood spiked all your flour with it to make everyone in the city sick. He was targeting us and the Masters of Evil and he caused the whole town to get sick as collateral damage.
Lynn Sr.: That disgusting freak!
Me: Now we will find him and make him pay for this. And when we do we'll have 21 months left on the curse.
Lynn Sr.: All right.
Lisa Loud then came in.
Lisa Loud: (Groans) J.D. is right. This security footage from your restaurant father, confirms his suspicions.
We saw on Lynn Sr.'s security footage at around 3:47 AM a figure sneek into the kitchen and it was Hans Rotwood and he pulled out a tube and poured it into the Flour and threw the tube away. But he missed the trashcan and made it easy for us to find it. He then held up a sign that said "Fuck Team Loud Phoenix Storm & the Masters of Evil."
Rita: That dirty bastard! Sorry J.D.
Me: No worries Ms. Rita. But we can't let this go on. I got to contact the Masters of Evil.
I went to the computer and called them and Dark Spicer answered.
Dark Spicer: Hello?
Me: Hey Dark Spicer.
Dark Spicer: Looks like I'm not the only one that didn't get sick.
Me: Yeah me, the Loud Parents and Nico didn't get poisoned. Are you the only one yourself?
Dark Spicer: I sure am. Well Carly is not sick as well.
Me: Wow. That's a relief though. I found out what the cause of the food poisoning is.
I revealed everything.
Dark Spicer: That fucking asshole!
Me: Me, Nico, the Loud Parents and you can find Rotwood and make him pay for this. I wish that curse would hurry up and kill him faster.
Dark Spicer: We all do J.D. We all do.
We went out to find Rotwood and his posse. We found them in a McDonalds in Indiana having breakfast.
Hans Rotwood: This is perfect! Now we can make Team Loud Phoenix Storm and the Masters of Evil suffer more.
KRABBBBBBBOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOMMMMMMMMMMM!
A massive fiery explosion blasted through the roof and a Phoenix Cry was heard and we landed on the table they were at and crushed their legs. I grabbed Han's Rotwood by his shirt.
Dark Spicer: (to Rotwood and his group) Here's your warning: Your asses are about to be kicked!
Me: Big time. You all are in big shit trouble for giving all of Gotham Royal York food poisoning.
Everyone in the McDonalds gasped.
Then Rotwood and his group were in excruciating pain as the curse reacted to us and was saw the snakes on their backs move. They were starting to slither up their backs.
Me: That's 21 months left.
Dark Spicer: I wish it would just hurry up and kill them.
Me: Yeah.
We then pulverized all four of them viciously and made them really regret poisoning all of the city.
We went back to the estate and we got to work taking care of everyone.
Me, Nico, Carly Carmine, Sakura, Fu, Naruto, Ino and Hinata were in nurse outfits and they were taking care of everyone.
Jack Atlas: (Australian Accent) Thanks Carly.
Carly Carmine: You're welcome Jack.
Me: How come you didn't get sick Carly?
Carly Carmine: I'm dead and I don't get sick anymore.
Me: Wow.
James M: Ohhh, Nick is not going to be happy when he learns of what happened.
James M. was watching my mothers favorite Soap Opera, The Bold and the Beautiful. Lori likes it too.
Lori: No he's not.
Me: Here you go Varie.
Varie: Thanks honey.
I handed her some water.
Cornelia: How many encounters with those jerks do we have left?
Me: 21 more times. I wish it would just hurry up and kill them.
Nico: Yeah, I'm really getting sick and tired of those douchebags.
Naruto: Yeah me too.
Laney: I know.
Homer: (Offscreen) WILL YOU SHUT THE FUCK UP YOU DUMB BIMBO!?
Marge: (Offscreen) HOW ABOUT YOU MAKE ME YOU FAT TUB OF LARD!
Me: Sounds like Homer and Marge are having an argument.
Marge: Sooner or later, you're gonna have to let me out of here!
Homer: Not gonna happen Marge! You never once cared about anything me and the kids did care about me you bossy blue haired bitch!
Marge: Well I cared for you just as much as anyone else!
Homer: LIES! (Imitating Marge) OOH I'M MARGE SIMPSON AND I HAVE A FLAT CHEST AND A TALL STACK OF BLUE HAIR!
Marge: You are the ugliest drunk I have ever seen!
Me: Hey what's going on up here?
Homer: Oh hey J.D. Me and Marge are arguing.
Me: We heard.
Marge: J.D. you let me out of here now!
Me: Why? So you can nag us and give us headaches the size of the planet? I don't fucking think so.
Marge: You watch your mouth young man!
Me: You are not the boss of me you blue-haired bitch.
Homer: Yeah you heard him! Also you never once cared about me ever!
Marge: I fed you and made you get a good life.
Homer: No you didn't! You would abuse Lisa by hating everything she did!
Me: It's freedom of choice Marge! Lisa has the right to change religions if she wants to and she also has the right to be what she chooses. It's the First Amendment of the United States Constitution: Freedom of Speech and Choice. And there's nothing you can do about it Marge Bouvier Simpson.
Homer: Actually the divorce was made final 3 weeks ago.
Me: Oh sorry.
Later in the living room we were watching TV. We were watching a funny cartoon.
We laughed hysterically.
Lily: This reminds me of the time when we tortured Squidward to get ink out of him.
Maria: I remember that.
FLASHBACK
[The flashback begins with Patrick riding on his chair at the lemonade stand until he stops.]
Patrick: [laughing] Lemonade! Lemonade for sale! [giggles]
The Neptune Crusaders all came.
Maria: Hey Patrick.
Lily: What ya doing?
Patrick: Having a Lemonade Stand. I want to buy something nice for Mindy.
Lana: Cool Patrick! Can we help out?
Patrick: Sure.
[Squidward comes out carrying a bag of trash and goes to put it near the curb. Patrick waves at Squidward in a goofy fashion.]
Squidward: Yuck.
POW!
Lily punched Squidward in the face and gave him a black eye.
[Patrick points on the pitcher and Squidward growls angrily. Patrick drinks the water and eats the glass.]
Squidward: [groans] What are you doing out here in the daylight? You should be hidden under your rock like the hideous freak you are. Do you even have a license to sell...[notices the glasses of water] just what are you selling?
Patrick: [yells through megaphone] LEMONADE!
Maria then kicked him in the crotch!
Squidward: [pulls his nose and eyes back out from his head] Thanks for reminding me why I hate you. Lemonade? I don't see any lemons.
Patrick: [silent] I need lemons?
Squidward: [takes out a rotten lemon and throws it in Patrick's eye] Here. Don't say I never gave you anything. [Patrick's eye burns] Sorry it's a little bruised. [laughs]
Sydney: Nice to see that you came through for us. For once.
Maria: I still hate him.
Cleo: Me too. Stupid Squidward.
[Patrick lifts up his left arm, pulls out a bandage from his armpit and puts it on the rotten lemon.]
Patrick: All better. [puts the rotten lemon in the pitcher full of water]
Squidward: Yuck.
KRABLAM!
Luna smashed his head with her Axe.
[The scene changes to Squidward shaving the hair out of his nostrils with the razor. Squidward had a nasty lump on his head from where Luna hit him. Patrick is still sitting outside at his lemonade stand with the rotten lemon in the pitcher.]
Patrick: [yells through two megaphones] LEMONADE!
[Patrick's loud outburst startles Squidward. The razor buzzes around in his nostrils and Squidward screams in all directions of his bathroom. The plug comes out and Squidward falls on the floor. Outside, Cara drinks the pitcher of Patrick's "lemonade".]
Cara: [after drinking the pitcher] Ahh! Thanks, buddy. I was thirsty. [gags and sticks his tongue out with the bandage on it]
Patrick: Oh! [removes the bandage from Cara's tongue]
Cara: Huh?
Patrick: [puts the bandage back on his armpit] Sorry, that's not included.
Cara: [gags] I'm gonna be sick! Where can I go? [covers his mouth]
Patrick: I always go in there.
[Cara runs up to the front door, opens it and throws up inside Squidward's house. Cara then closes the door and leaves. Squidward comes out, slipping onto the path of his front door. He growls angrily and stomps over to Patrick, who is holding a firetruck toy.]
Squidward: What are you doing?
Patrick: Oh, I ran out of lemons, so I'm squeezing this.
Squidward: That won't work!
[Patrick squeezes the red paint out from the firetruck toy.]
Squidward: Hmm? Wha...
Lana: You were saying?
Patrick: It could use more fire hose.
SpongeBob: [sneaks up behind Squidward and screams through a megaphone] ONE FIRE TRUCK LEMONADE!
[Squidward screams and sprays ink out from his nose into the pitcher, kicking a megaphone into SpongeBob's face. Squidward panics and rushes into his house.]
Maria: That was funny!
Rikki: It sure was.
[SpongeBob pulls the megaphone off his face and Patrick gives him a cup of Squidward's ink.]
Patrick: Here you go.
SpongeBob: Yum!
[SpongeBob drinks the ink. He gasps and shrieks while distorting his face. He stops and stares in silence for a bit.]
Varie: You all right SpongeBob?
SpongeBob: [his mouth, tongue, and teeth are all black] That's delicious!
Lady: Hello! What are you selling?
Patrick: [yells through megaphone] LEMONADE!
SpongeBob: [yells through megaphone] BLACK LEMONADE!
[Patrick gives the lady a glass of black lemonade. She drinks it and, just like what happened to SpongeBob, she gasps and shrieks. She goes up and goes back down. She shrinks and disappears. She reappears blowing fire out from her mouth. She stops and exhales deeply until she calms down.]
Lady: [yells through megaphone] Black lemonade! A unique taste sensation! I'll have another. [slurps]
Horsea was drinking it.
Maria: Horsea, you're drinking the lemonade?!
Horsea: Yep. I spray ink, remember?
Maria: Oh right.
[Patrick goes to give some more to the lady, but the pitcher is empty.]
Patrick: Huh? SpongeBob, cover for me while I go get some more.
SpongeBob: Sure, buddy.
Maria: We'll help you.
[Patrick grabs the pitcher, goes to the front door of Squidward's house and knocks on it. Squidward answers it with his nose clogged up with tissues.]
Squidward: What do you want?
Patrick: Hi! Uh, yeah, I want you to do that scared thing you did and make more ink.
Squidward: I will not! [slams the door]
Patrick: Huh?
[Patrick groans as he thinks. Inside his body, a smaller version of himself goes up to his brain and rings the bell, giving him an idea.]
Patrick: I'll just have to scare the ink out of him! [rips his skin to show his jaw, trachea, heart, lungs, and intestines and knocks on the door]
Squidward: [answers the door] I said I will not—[gasps]
Patrick's intestine: May I borrow a cup of squid squeezings?
[Patrick's heart beats and his grotesque appearance scares Squidward out of his wits. As he screams, he sprays more ink from his nose and into the pitcher until it is full.]
They were laughing hysterically.
Patrick: [laughs] Thank you!
Cleo: (laughs) Yeah, Squidward. Thanks for the ink!
[Patrick runs back to the lemonade stand and gives SpongeBob the pitcher of Squidward's ink.]
SpongeBob: Ooh, I think you'd better get some more black lemonade, buddy. [gives Patrick two empty pitchers]
Patrick: Huh? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Uh, more.
[The scene changes to Patrick at Squidward's front door.]
Patrick: Here, kitty kitty. Oh, here, kitty kitty. Oh, who's a good kitty?
[A giant red sea spider comes crawling by.]
Varie: A Giant Red Sea Spider. Wow.
Lily: Thank Goodness Leni isn't here to see this.
Luna: Yeah.
[Patrick opens the door and makes it wide enough for the spider to enter. Squidward is sitting on the couch listening to music on the phonograph. He goes to put another record on the phonograph. While doing so, the spider takes the record and Squidward puts its claw on the other record. The spider's claw makes the record sound terrible.]
Squidward: Huh? Hmm? [looks up and sees the giant spider; he screams] I HATE SPIDERS!
[Squidward sprays ink out of his nose again. The ink sprays into Patrick's, Maria's and Lily's pitchers until they're full. Squidward climbs up the wall and crawls through the hole on the ceiling. He sprays more ink out from his nose and fills two more of Patrick's pitchers.]
Patrick: [on the spider's head; clicks his tongue] Hyah!
[Squidward cowers behind a chair and whimpers.]
Patrick: [slides off the spider's back] Boo.
[Squidward screams and sprays more ink out from his nose, filling two more of Patrick, Maria, Lily and Lana's pitchers.]
Lana: (Wears the Ooga Booga Booga Mask) OOGA BOOGA BOOGA!
[Squidward screams in fright and fills up huge buckets full of ink. Squidward hides on top of his kitchen cabinets. The spider looms in on Squidward and makes him spray more ink, filling up two more of Patrick's pitchers.]
Patrick: Thank you!
Squidward: Please! No!
[Patrick closes the door and goes to the lemonade stand. He gives the pitchers and buckets to SpongeBob.]
Patrick: Oh? [sees a long line of customers] Oh... What? I got to get more black lemonade!
Maria: Looks like we're gonna have to use more shenanigans to get it.
[The scene changes back inside Squidward's house. The kitchen is a complete mess from all of the ink. Squidward comes out from the sink drain and looks around. He hears a sound and hides again. This time, he comes out from the bottom cabinets.]
Squidward: Is it gone? [hears a clanging sound] What was that? Is someone there? [grabs a pan] Hello? Who is it? [hears the doorbell ring and hides under the rug]
[Squidward peeks out from under the rug. Patrick continues to ring the bell. Squidward tiptoes to the door and slowly answers the door.]
Squidward: Hello?
[The door slams itself shut, leaving Squidward locked outside. Squidward tries to open it to go back in, but it wouldn't budge. The lights turn on. Squidward turns around and finds himself in a haunted themed area made by Patrick and the Neptune Crusaders themselves.]
In the shadows the Neptune Crusaders were hiding.
Lana had a black book with her.
Lana: This book on ghost stories I borrowed from Lucy really came in handy for this.
Maria: It sure did.
Luna: Clever thinking Lans.
Squidward: [whimpering] I've lost it. I can't tell what's real anymore!
[Patrick scares Squidward with a toy worm and a toy snail under his feet. The toy snail makes Squidward flip over and fall on the ground.]
Patrick: Boo! I'm a haunted...[swings over Squidward with a tablecloth over his body] tablecloth!
Maria: BOO! We're haunted...[swings over Squidward dressed as an oven] Kitchen Appliances!
The Neptune Crusaders were dressed as appliances from a kitchen. They swung over Squidward.
[Squidward screams a sprays more ink out from his nose. The ink fills several buckets, cups, pitchers, bowls, and pails laid out by Patrick and the Neptune Crusaders. Patrick swings himself into a wall and laughs. The Neptune Crusaders landed on the ground. Squidward runs up the stairs while spraying ink in more buckets, cups and bowls laid out by Patrick. He runs into a spooky baby's room with creepy music playing in the background.]
Squidward: Not creepy nursery rhyme music!
[Squidward hears a creaking sound in the crib behind him. He looks in the crib and sees Patrick wearing a creepy baby costume while having a nose similar to Squidward's. He turned his head around in an "Exorcist" type fashion.]
Patrick: Dada!
Maria made Patrick vomit green slime and it splattered into Squidward's face with her water powers.
[Squidward screams and sprays more ink out from his nose into the crib. Squidward runs out through the window.]
Patrick: [puts the sucker back on the baby bottle filled with ink] Thank you, Daddy!
Maria: [From under the crib] Nice job Patrick.
Lana: [Pops out of a lamp] That was clever using a scene from The Exorcist for this.
Varie: It sure was.
[Squidward falls to the ground and sees a spooky but crudely created version of the Krusty Krab in front of him.]
Squidward: The Krusty Krab? How did I wind up here? I don't think I want to go in. [a newspaper falls on him; he gasps as he reads it] This newspaper is dated 60 years into the future.
It was dated from the year 2069.
[The conveyor belt underneath him moves and it takes him inside.]
Squidward: [covers his eyes] I can't look! I'm afraid to see. Please, no.
[Squidward looks up and sees a puppet version of his old futuristic self as a 100-year-old Squid in his workstation and then he saw puppet versions of SpongeBob, Lily, Pearl, Sandy, Karen, Mrs. Puff and Mr. Krabs there as well.]
The Puppet SpongeBob looked to be 90 years old. Puppet Lily looked to be 75 years old. Puppet Mr. Krabs looked to be over 1,000 years old. Puppet Sandy looked to be 85 years old. Puppet Karen was really a rusted computer box. Puppet Pearl looked to be 85 years old and Puppet Mrs. Puff looked to be 100 years old.
Puppet Squidward: May I help you, young man?
Puppet SpongeBob: Order Up Squidward.
Puppet Lily: One Krabby Patty coming right up.
Puppet Mr. Krabs: MONEY MONEY MONEY MONEY!
Puppet Mrs. Puff: Eugene Honey.
Puppet Karen sparks.
Puppet Sandy: Howdy Partner.
Puppet Pearl: Go team.
[Squidward's nose becomes a faucet and he screams the ink out of himself. Patrick, who is operating the old Squidward puppet and the Neptune Crusaders operating the other puppets, watches down happily. Squidward has had enough of the haunted area and goes to run away. He runs out of the haunted area and bumps into Don the Whale at the lemonade stand.]
SpongeBob: Squidward, if you want to buy some black lemonade, you'll have to get in the back of the line.
Patrick: [comes out with a boat load of Squidward's ink] Yeah, wait your turn like everybody else.
Squidward: What? Black lemonade? You've been selling this as a refreshment?
SpongeBob and Patrick: [yells through megaphones] YES!
Horsea: It's not that bad.
Maria: I'm starting to have second thoughts, though.
Don the Whale: [pushes Squidward] Hey, come on, buddy. No cutting. We've been waiting here all day.
[The crowd complain and Squidward sees a really long line of customers.]
Fish: Think they can just walk right up!
Squidward: You mean you people actually drink this?
[The crowd murmurs in agreement.]
Squidward: Huh? Huh? [smiles evilly and gets an idea] Huh! [grabs a megaphone and speaks into it] What if I told you you can buy black lemonade straight from the source?
Don the Whale: Source? We love the source!
[The crowd murmurs in agreement. Squidward takes out a really big fan and blows SpongeBob, Patrick, the boat load of ink, and the lemonade stand away.]
SpongeBob: Whoa!
[Squidward forms his own stand and calls it "Squidward's black lemonade". The customers line up.]
Don the Whale: Uh, okay. So where's our black lemonade?
Squidward: Yes, of course. Coming right up. [attempts to spray more ink out from his nose, but nothing happens] Huh? [pokes his nose and blows it; he chuckles] Don't worry. I'll—I'll make some more. I just need a little recovery time. [wrings out his nose and blows it, only to blow out the inside of his nostrils]
Dave: Say, uh, buddy, you all right?
Squidward: [chuckles] I'm fine!
Dave: Well, then, make with my black lemonade!
Squidward: Uh, can somebody please scare me?
Don the Whale: [grabs Squidward by the neck] Oh, I'll do better than that, jack! [goes to punch Squidward]
Lana: Punch his fucking brains out!
Cleo: Kill him!
[Squidward screams and sprays ink out from his nose onto Don's face. Squidward then sprays ink over the heads of the long line of customers. The customers gasp in shock and moan in disgust when they see that black lemonade was actually made out of Squidward's ink. Squidward stops spraying the ink and goes back to the his lemonade stand.]
Squidward: Black lemonade.
Cara: [grossed out] Oh... is that what black lemonade is? [gags]
Emma Gilbert: That's what it really is, folks!
[The customers are completely grossed out.]
Maria: Hurl on Squidward!
The customers all hurled their guts out on Squidward.
Horsea: (continues drinking the lemonade) Is there more black lemonade?
Maria: Horsea!
Horsea: I squirt Ink remember?
Maria: Oh right.
Then the customers got so angry that they pulverized the living shit out of Squidward and they pounded him into a pulpy pancake. Squidward is later seen wrapped in a full body cast and he was in a hospital bed moaning in pain as he was beaten to within an inch of his miserable life.
FLASHBACK ENDS
We all laughed hysterically.
Me: That is so funny!
Varie: It sure was.
Lily: Stupid Squidward deserved it.
Nico: He sure did.
We laughed some more.
THE END
Another awesome and funny SpongeBob chapter done.
Ink Lemonade was one of the funniest episodes of SpongeBob that I've ever seen. It aired on May 9th, 2018 and it was hysterically funny! NicoChan11 gave me the ideas for this. Thanks man. Next up is the next Goosebumps book I Live In Your Basement. We're gonna deal with the Shapeshifting monster Keith and make him pay for his crimes. He was really gross and we're gonna vaporize that pile of slop.
See you all tomorrow
