On Remnant we were in Atlas to have Nico start his press conference on why Salem did everything she did over the eons and why she tormented and destroyed so many lives.

Ironwood: Is everything all set?

Me: Ready. We go on in 3 minutes.

Laney: I hope Nico gets through to everyone.

Lana: He will. Eddy, Dark Spicer and Eli will make sure no one attacks Salem.

Me: Got to have precautions ready just in case things get out of hand.

Nico: Awesome.

We got the conference underway.

Horsea: Thank you for coming, everybody.

James Ironwood: Now I'm sure you're all wondering why you all were gathered like this. Well Nico has something he would like to say to you all.

Nico came to the Podium.

Nico: (Clears throat) Hello everyone and thank you all for coming. Now I'm sure you all are wondering why you all were called here. Well it involves Salem.

Everyone gasped.

Nico: Now, I'm sure you all probably know about Salem's crimes.

To lighten the mood, Poliwag was behind me doing some funny faces.

Me: Poliwag let them listen.

Poliwag: Sorry.

Nico: Now Salem has been a huge terror to you all here on Remnant and I destroyed her as you all know with the help of all my friends on Team Loud Phoenix Storm.

Me: Yes it's true.

Nico: Now, I know that Salem's actions have harmed countless people in Remnant. In fact, she put so much pressure on Ruby and her friends so much that they almost gave up on life.

Manaphy: (hugs Yang) Putting so much pressure is saying it nicely.

Yang: Yeah.

Lincoln hugged her too.

Nico: But, her motivation for those actions can be described by one word.

Tentacool: It starts with the letter L.

Nico: And that word is Love. Salem was devastated when her love Ozma died of a terminal disease and she went to the gods to bring him back.

Oscar Pine: As you all know my name is Oscar Pine but I am the reincarnation of Salem's love Ozma. I rescued Salem from a tower like one of those princesses in a fairy tale and we married and were very devoted to each other. But my past life died of a terminal illness. It devastated Salem.

Lincoln: That's right.

Oscar Pine: Ozma actually reincarnated as Professor Ozpin, the head of Beacon Academy. And now, he's inside my head as me, Oscar Pine.

Nico: That's right.

Jirachi: Salem did not mean any harm to you all. She just wanted Ozma back.

Me: And she wanted to be free of her curse so she can be with Ozma in the Afterlife.

Nico: And I know that most of her associates carried out her dirty work. But the most evil of said associates have been... dealt with.

Me: That's right and you have us to thank for that. Tyrian Callows, Cinder Fall, Mercury Black, Jacques Schnee, Adam Taurus and Leonardo Lionheart have been either eliminated or thrown in prison where they belong.

Lola: That's right.

Nico: And to show you that Salem is back to normal she has something she wants to say.

Salem came and she was wearing a cloak and she pulled it down and revealed herself and she was back to what she was eons ago.

Salem: People of Remnant, as you know I was once the Queen of The Grimm and I have done all kinds of horrible crimes to you. But I want to tell you all that I'm sorry I did everything I did to you. Words can't even begin to describe how horrible everything I did was to all of you and it will take you a long time for you all to forgive me. But I did all those crimes because I was punished by the gods. They cursed me with immortality and I would never die or be destroyed. It was my punishment for bringing back Ozma. I was consumed with grief and so much sadness that I lost my mind. I wanted nothing more than to destroy all of Remnant so that I would be free of this curse. I was a monster that wanted nothing more than to destroy you all. And because of everything I did I paid the ultimate price for my crimes at Nico's hands when he used the Spirit Bomb on me and he freed me from myself.

Me: But there is more. Nico can tell you all about what happened to us in January to February back on Earth.

Nico: Long story short, some douchebag named the Digimon Emperor and went inside my head. Then, he caused some other 6 douchebags to be freed from their prison cells.

Me: We had to also deal with the evil of 13 monsters in an organization that was also to destroy the entire universe. We call those 20 days from January 23rd to February 11th the 20 Days of Darkness. On the 3rd day, Salem came to me in spirit and told me that she would be Nico's Guardian Angel. She vowed that she would protect Nico from any and all villains that would mind control him after the Digimon Emperor and Organization XIII have been dealt with. After we dealt with said dirtbags, Salem came into Nico's mind and this is her form of punishment for all the pain and suffering she caused to all of you in Remnant over the course of thousands of years.

Nico: That's right everyone. Salem was just wanting to be rid of her curse. She wanted to be with Ozma in the afterlife. But because of those gods, the curse she had on her wouldn't allow it.

Me: Yeah. Salem just wanted to be with her love. And you know all about that. Love can make people do all kinds of crazy things.

Nicole: That's right.

Nico: If I found out that my wife May died, I would go to great lengths to bring her back.

Jack Atlas: Same with me and Carly.

Me: And me and my awesome fiances. I don't get married for another 7 years.

Eli: And I would do the same thing if Nunnally died.

Everyone agreed with that.

Jirachi: Are there any questions? Comments? Apologies? (takes out jar) Bail money?

Eddy: That sounds like something I would do Jirachi.

Jirachi: Yeah.

Everyone had guilty looks on their faces and they felt sorry for Salem and she went through an absolutely unfair punishment just for bringing her love Ozma back to be back with him. It was completely unfair.

But then they had looks of forgiveness on their faces and then one pieces applauded and then the whole audience erupted into applause of forgiveness and Salem was forgiven for causing thousands of years of pain and suffering. She was now fully pardoned for her crimes.

Salem smiled as she was pardoned for her crimes.

Salem: Thank you guys. Thank you all.

Me: You're welcome Salem.

Laney: You didn't deserve to be punished like that.

Nico: Yeah it's not right.

Lola: I agree.

We later went back to Earth.


Later at Liam's farm, he was in the forests and digging something.

[Shovelfuls of dirt fly throughout the forest. Lincoln and Clyde look through the trees and see Liam working furiously, a saltshaker on his head. Liam shakes the salt into a bag and unknots it, revealing a fancy phone.]

It was really and antique 19th Century Swedish Telephone. And it was really eerily familiar.

Clyde: That's a neat phone!

Lincoln: "Yeah it is! Check out the phone! Liam I didn't know you had a great phone like this. How's a dud like you get a happening phone like this?"

Liam: "Stay back guys! This phone is dangerous!" [He picks the phone up with a shovel and holds it over the hole.]

Lincoln: "Why are you throwing a cool phone like that away Liam?"

Liam: "It's for everyone's safety!" [He dumps the phone in the hole.] "Shlack nor dah!" [Liam buries it.]

Edd: "A ceremonial telephone burial? My, how quaint."

Maria: Guys, why is Liam burying a phone?

Clyde: No idea but that phone is cool.

Ed: "Can I help, Liam?"

CRASH!

He tripped on the fence top and smashed into the wood.

Ed: Ow!

(Donkey Bray)

Liam: "Don't come any closer guys! I have to complete this task forced upon me or we are all doomed!" [Lincoln has taken the phone and is dusting it off.]

Lincoln: "I'll give ya...$500,000 for it."

Liam: "That's a lot of money but NO THANKS LINCOLN!"

SMASH!

[He slaps the telephone into the hole, making Lincoln's hand swell up like a beach ball, then buries it again.]

Edd: "This is very familiar. Pardon me, Liam, but how can a telephone be a messenger of doom?"

Liam: [having buried the phone] "You remember this before Double D?"

Edd: Yeah but I'm having a hard time remembering.

Liam: Oh.

Lincoln: "Don't bury it, give it to me!"

Liam: "Walk away from the suffering that has cursed my entire family for days Lincoln!

Lincoln: [leading Liam away] "I got a feeling you cracked there, buddy. Why don't you get Victoria to give you a massage or something, and I'll guard the big bad phone for ya?"

Liam: "Victoria's hooves are magic on my hardened muscles. Thank you, Lincoln. I owe you one.

Edd: "That was really nice of you, Lincoln, to ease Liam's intrinsic guilt."

Lincoln: "Yeah I'm always there for my friends and family." [Liam turns the corner out of the trees.] "Okay, Ed! Dig!"

Ed: "Goodie goodie!" [digging] "Dig a hole, dig a hole."

Edd: "Really, Eddy? Another knickknack for that already overstimulated room of yours?"

Lincoln: I think it's a cool phone Double D.

[As the screen goes black, an errant clod of dirt hits Edd.]

SMACK!

Edd: "Ouch!"


Back in Lincoln's Room, Lincoln was getting everything ready for his new phone.

[Lincoln puts a CD on and swats a candle off his bedside table. He places the telephone in the newly vacated spot and looks at it admiringly.]

Lincoln: "Cuts a figure in society, don't it!"

May Came in.

May: Hey, Lincoln. Where did you get that cool phone?

Lincoln: Liam was burying it in the forest. But I can't help but wonder why there is something familiar about it.

Clyde: Yeah I forgot where I've seen it before.

Ed: Is that a new phone?

Edd: Please stay with us Ed.

RING! RING! RING!

Lincoln: Somebody is calling me!

Edd saw that there is no cord connected to it.

Edd: Strange, there doesn't seem to be any connection to it.

Lincoln: Yeah that is strange. But lets see who it is. (Answers) Hello?

Then the CD popped out of the radio and zoomed at Lincoln and then…

SMASH!

It hit Lincoln on his head and shattered and he got a nasty cut.

May: Lincoln!

Lincoln: Ow.

May: Are you okay?

Lincoln: Yeah but that hurt. Ed was that you?

Ed: "It wasn't me, Lincoln!" [He hangs the phone up.] "Honest and for truly!" [The phone rings.] "Got it!"

Lincoln: Let me see. It might be Twilight Sparkle.

Edd: "And I'm Theodore Geisel."

Lincoln: [picking up the phone] "What's cookin, good lookin?"

BOING!

[A spring from his bed suddenly shoots up, sending Lincoln flying towards the ceiling. Lincoln falls back down onto the spring, wrapping himself in it.]

Ed: "I know where you're going with this, Lincoln!" [He climbs into bed.] "Nighty-night."

May: I think your bed is now shot Lincoln.

Shiv came in.

May: Oh hey Shiv.

Shiv: Hey May. Lincoln needs a new mattress.

Lincoln: Yeah.

Electro: Lincoln, don't you think there's something odd about that phone?

Lincoln: Yeah but I'm having a hard time figuring it out.

May: Maybe Liam might know.

Lincoln: Hmm.

RING! RING!

Edd: Could be more girlfriends to add to your harem Lincoln.

Lincoln took the phone and answered it.

Lincoln: Yello?

Then a rumble came and the door bursted open. A bicycle ice-cream-cart bursts through his door and rebounds off the wall and ceiling, landing on Lincoln.

CRASH!

Lincoln: Ouch.

Ed takes the phone.

Ed: Lincoln's in pain now. He'll have to call you back.

He hung it up.

May: See if there's any ice cream in that cart Ed.

Ed: Roger that.

Ed lifted the cart and it opened and it was full of ice cream.

Ed: Lots of it.

Edd: Oh boy!

Edd: [walking outside after taking the elevator] "What an unfortunate set of circumstances."

May: Yeah.

Clyde: Ouch.

[Lincoln runs out and places the phone on his entrance of the World Tree. He then goes back and cowers in a bush.]

Lincoln: "Something's up with this phone!"

[It rings, and Ed goes to get it.]

Ed: "They're off!"

Lincoln: [holding his friend back] "Let it ring, Ed! Pretend we're not home!"

[Ed throws Lincoln at the phone.]

Ed: "It's for you, Lincoln!"

[Lincoln hits the phone, knocking it off its perch. He stands up and looks around warily, afraid of the next disaster. Fearfully, he picks up the receiver.]

Lincoln: "Hello?"

[A skunk tail protrudes from a bush beside him.

SPRAY!

[Lincoln gets blasted.]

FOGHORN!

[The skunk walks away.]

Edd: "Oh look, Ed, a skunk! Did you know in some places it's also known as a polecat?"

Lincoln smelled extremely horrible!

Ed: "Who stepped on a duck?"

Lincoln: "THIS STUPID PHONE'S CURSED!"

Edd: Cursed? Wait a second. This couldn't be the same phone that hurt Eddy could it?

Lincoln: "It could be. But if it is we got problems. Lets test it."

Edd: "Test it?"

Ed: "Like mustard?"

Yang: I'll help you guys.

Lincoln: Thanks Yang.


[Lincoln, wearing a helmet and behind a blockade, is working a makeshift air-raid siren.]

Lincoln: "Evacuate the area! Man your stations!"

[Ed, wearing a mattress and helmet and carrying the phone with hockey sticks, sets the phone in the middle of the construction site.]

Lincoln: "Easy, Ed. Easy...stand clear buddy!" [Ed hustles off.]

Shiv: Lincoln, I think Goche and Baron Nero might be causing all this stuff.

Lincoln: I don't think so. I don't sense them anywhere. But they are not the ones causing this.

Edd: Lincoln this phone is not cursed.

Clyde: Double D we've seen many things over the years that are beyong all forms of human understanding. We saw everything that revolves around the supernatural, paranormal and more.

Edd: Oh right. I forgot about that.

RING! RING! RING! RING!

Lincoln: Answer it Ed!

Ed lifted it up and picked up the receiver and popped his head through his arm.

Ed: Hello?

But then...

CLANG!

[A lightpole breaks and falls on Lincoln.]

Lincoln: (In pain) Ow.

Yang: Lincoln!

She lifted the pole off of Lincoln and he was bruised up.

Shiv: Ouch!

Lincoln: [dazed] "Bad phone...evil...rotten..."

Ed: "And itchy."

[The phone rings.]

Lincoln: "Don't answer it, Ed!"

Edd: "Rusty worn nut, Eddy!"

Ed: [answering the call] "Me again!"

[Lincoln, fearful, looks up at another light. He pushes Ed in front of him in order to keep the light away. From behind, a giant concrete pipe rolls onto him.]


[Liam is relaxing in his home when somebody knocks on his door. He opens it, a steaming cup of cocoa in hand.]

Liam: "Hey Lincoln. WHOA MAN! What happened to you!?"

Lincoln: "Take back your stupid phone, it's cursed I tell ya!" [He gives Liam the phone.]

Liam: [realizing he holds the phone] "Yiglac! You have resurrected the dispatcher of despair! Let it be on your head!" [He tosses Lincoln the phone.]

[The phone rings.]

Shiv: "Oh, for goodness sake! If this curse is real I got to find out." [picking up the phone] "Let's put an end to this once and for all!" [on the phone] "Hello, Shiv of the Meta-Breed here."

[A truck comes along and crushes Eddy.]

Lincoln: "Mommy!"

CRASH!

The Semi-Truck ran him over!


Later Lincoln gave the phone to Jonny and he thought it was really cool. We got back to our normal lives. The next morning Lincoln was having breakfast by the lake.

[A tree falls onto Lincoln]

SMASH!

Ed: "Good morning, tree."

Lincoln: [crawling out] Ow.

[Lincoln looks around nervously. Suddenly, a bucket and shovel fall into his hands. He looks up just in time to see a sandbox fall onto him.

CRASH!

[The sand follows shortly thereafter. A rumbling is heard.]

Lincoln: "HIPPOS!" [He is trampled by the rampaging herd.]

LINCOLN GOT TRAMPLED BY A STAMPEDE OF WILD HIPPOS!

[Lincoln is struck by lightning.]

THUNDERCLAP! ZZZZZAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAPPPPPPPPPPP!

Lincoln is then crushed by a massive rockslide that appeared out of nowhere.

[The cursed phone rings. Jonny picks it up and hands it to Plank.

BOOM!

[In the distance, a explosion from a land mine and Lincoln's scream can be heard. Jonny was in the forest and he places the phone on its stand, where it rings again.]

Jonny: "Boy, Plank, you sure are a popular guy!"

Plank: (Says nothing)

WOLVES GROWL!

[Lincoln screams as the wolves maul him.]

Lincoln: "HELP ME!"

Lincoln was brutally massacred by the phone and then he was mauled all over by bears and he screamed in excruciating pain as every bone in his body was broken badly!

Jonny: JEEZ! What was that!?

Jonny came and he had the phone.

Firefly: Where's Eddy when you need him?

Eddy: Someone call?

Lincoln: Eddy you have to help me!

Eddy: Good grief Lincoln! What the heck happened to you!?

Lincoln: It's because of this!

He showed the phone and Eddy recognized it immediately!

Eddy: The Cursed Telephone of Despair!

Lincoln: WHAT!? That cursed phone we destroyed is back!?

Eddy: Lincoln where did you get this!?

Lincoln: Liam was burying it in the forest!

Eddy: But how!? We made sure that phone was destroyed!

Yang: I'll go get J.D. and the others.

Lincoln: (In pain) Okay. Ow.

Yang went to get us.

Robo Blaze: Has anyone seen Eddy since the press conference?

Lori: He took Luan out to the candy store.

Robo-Blaze: Oh.

Yang came in frantic!

Yang: GUYS! Lincoln is hurt REALLY BAD!

Me: Uh oh!

We followed Yang and we got to where Lincoln was badly hurt.

We gasped in shock!

Me: HOLY FUCKING SHIT!

Nico: What happened to him!

Varie and Sakura got to healing him.

Me: GEEZ! Lincoln looks like he got smashed by two planets smashing into each other!

I saw the phone on Jonny's head.

Me: Oh man! That's the Telephone of Despair!

Eddy: That's the phone that almost killed me!

Dark Spicer: That's the phone that almost killed you?!

Eddy: It sure is!

Me: I thought we were rid of this horrible phone after how it thrashed Sailor Mars and how it nearly destroyed Eddy.

Nico: I can't believe that a phone like this can inflict so much pain!

Eli: Yeah that's crazy!

Ets: I've never seen a cursed phone like this.

Varie: This phone is a supernatural nightmare.

Me: Yeah.

Brittney: Lets see here.

Brittney pulled out her book on Supernatural Cursed Artifacts.

Brittney: Hmm lets see. Cursed Hallways, Cursed Computers, Cursed Lanterns, Cursed Telephones..

Brittney looked through the pages to find it and she found a grey picture of the phone we have.

Brittney: Here it is, the Curse of the Telephone of Despair.

Ets: Wow. It looks just like an old antique Swedish Telephone. We haven't used phones like these in over 130 to 140 years.

Vince: That's exactly what I said the last time we saw this.

Lori: So that phone is literally the same phone that has cursed our brother? Talk about creepy.

Laney: Yeah. That is creepy.

Aylene C.: Scary too.

Twilight Sparkle: I've never seen a phone like that or do the damage it caused to Lincoln.

Me: Eddy and Sailor Mars went through this phone too.

Luna: And look dudes. There's some kind of writing under it.

Me: Lets see.

Brittney: Hmm. It's a riddle.

"Telephone of Despair, Hopelessness and Gloom,

The first person to answer its call will face their doom.

Because the holder has been bestowed a curse,

The pain and suffering gets worse and worse.

It isn't impossible to break from the Despair of He,

There is a way to set the holder free.

In order to ensure that the curse is lifted alone,

A spoonful of salt must be dumped on the phone.

The curse will lift for the next caller that should,

Unless the phone is put down for good."

Nico: Whoa!

Rolf: Just like what Rolf was doing.

Dark Spicer: (to the Loud sisters) If you girls call Lincoln bad luck because of what's happening right now...

Lynn: We won't Dark.

Lola: Yeah Lynn is not as delusional as her evil self was.

Webstor: (to Lucy) Wait. Didn't something like this happen before during your pre-hero days?

Lucy: Yes it sure did.

Laney: I remember that.

Carol: Me too.

Poromon: Why don't we transfer the curse over to Lola, Lynn, and Lori? It'll teach them a lesson in humility.

We gasped at what Poromon said.

Nico: Poromon are you crazy!?

Me: Yeah there's no way we are using this cursed phone on them. Look what it did to Lincoln. He looks like he went through a wood chiper.

Eli: Or worse!

Blake Belladonna: Yeah that phone nearly ripped him to pieces! I say we destroy that phone for good!

Eli: I agree! Lincoln did nothing to deserve this!

Snake: Dude, are you absolutely sure we can't use the curse to our advantage in the future?

Me: A curse like this is too dangerous. I was originally planning to use this curse on Lila Rossi but after seeing what it did to Lincoln and how it broke practically every bone in his body, those plans were flushed down the toilet.

Nico: Geez! The curse on Lila would have been really therapeutic.

Marinette: It sure would have.

Nico: By the way Eddy what did this phone do to you?

Eddy: I got my head smashed in with my record, my bed spring broke loose and I smashed into the ceiling, then an ice cream cart smashed onto me, I got sprayed by a skunk, a lamppost smashed onto me, crushed by a huge concrete pipe, run over by a semi-truck, crushed by a tree that fell over onto a scam we were doing, hit by a sandbox, trampled by a stampede of hippopotamuses, struck by lightning, smashed by my house, blown up by a land mind and mauled by wolves.

Luan: GEEZ! (Hugs him) Oh Eddy.

Lensay: Poor daddy.

Nico: Whoa man! That's horrible!

Lincoln: Those same things happened to me!

Nico: OUCH!

Lincoln: Except I also got mauled by bears and old bed before I got the bed I got crashed onto me and I also got mauled by bears.

Me: Well one thing is for sure this phone will never hurt Lincoln again. We got to get rid of it.

Sora: First, no one else answer the phone. I'll use a Cure Spell on Lincoln.

Me: Great Sora. And I know just what to do with this phone.

Sora: HEAL!

Sora healed Lincoln and he was as good as new.

Lincoln: Wow! That's Sora.

Sora: You're welcome.

Nico: What are you gonna do with the phone?

Me: Put it in the vault. Bobby I'll need your help with this.

Bobby S.: You got it amigo.

Nico: You okay now, Lincoln?

Lincoln: Much better.

Yang and the girls hugged him.

In the vault we had a compartment ready.

Me: Bobby can you line the walls of this compartment with salt crystals?

Bobby S.: Salt is a crystal?

Me: It sure is. Sodium Chloride or salt in its natural form is a mineral called Halite.

Bobby S.: Wow! I didn't know about that. But sure here goes.

Bobby touched the wall of the compartment and halite crystals grew all around it and I put the phone in and it stopped ringing.

Me: As long as it's surrounded by halite crystals it will never ring.

Nico: That's clever.

Nicole: Very geologically well thought out.

Me: Yep.

I closed the door to the compartment and painted a skull and crossbones with a star of Satan on its forehead on it as a warning that said Do Not Open Under Any Circumstance.

Me: There.

We got to fixing everything that the phone used to nearly destroy Lincoln and we fixed up his room and made it much better. This was one crazy day and I had a very strong suspicion that it was Mr. Mxyzpltk that was behind the resurrection of the Telephone of Despair and that he wanted to make Lincoln suffer the horrible pain of the phone. We later had dinner and went to bed.

THE END


Another Fanfiction Complete.

Sorry Wrong Ed was one of the funniest episodes of Ed Edd N Eddy that I have ever seen and it was so funny! It aired on October 15, 2003 and it was so funny! NicoChan11 gave me the ideas for this non-combat chapter. Thanks man. Next up is the 9th chapter for My Little Pony. We're gonna go to Camp Everfree and help Gloriosa Daisy save it from going under because of the human version of Diamond Tiara's dad, Filthy Rich and we're also going to destroy the Spirit of Gaia Everfree that will separate from Gloriosa. We're going to have a lot of fun in this one as well as make it just as fun and funny as any awesome Ed Edd N Eddy, Camp Lazlo and SpongeBob Squarepants episode.

See you all tomorrow.