"Teal really is my best color," Matilda said, admiring the paint on her fingernails. "Kind of just makes everything pop."
"Sure," Rory replied. She was barely listening to Matilda and only indulging her in this impromptu nail painting session. Rory was currently staring at the sparkling pink polish on her own fingernails. Matilda had painted her nails while listing all the ways that boys were universally idiots. Rory was only half listening then too.
"I am desperately trying to cheer you up right now," Matilda said. "I'm sorry your boyfriend's an idiot."
"Yeah, me too," Rory replied. "I should tell Neville what he said."
Matilda scoffed. "Neville will tell you to break up with him."
Rory shrugged. "Maybe I should."
It was the first time she'd ever spoken the thought out loud, but she was exhausted. They'd go weeks without arguing and then all of a sudden she'd find herself absolutely unable to tolerate Harry being moody or talking to Cho.
"Do you really mean that?" Matilda asked.
Again, Rory shrugged. "I don't want to break up with him. I love Harry. But it is a chore constantly forgiving him all the time for being stupid."
"Then tell him to get his shit together or you'll walk," Matilda said.
Rory rolled her eyes. "Yes, because all the best relationships survive when faced with ultimatums."
"No offense, but you're not exactly thriving right now either," Matilda said.
Rory shook her head. "I hate even having that thought in my head that I would end things, He's so wonderful most of the time. And I can even put up with his shitty moods when he gets in his head about Voldemort... But sometimes he's sitting in the library letting some other girl hold his hand."
There was a knock on the door.
"I wonder who that could be," Rory said.
"Do you want to talk to him?" Matilda asked.
"Have to eventually," Rory replied.
"Want me to stay and referee?" Matilda asked.
"No. He's scared of you," Rory said.
"Good," Matilda said. She climbed off her bed and opened the door. There was Harry, as predicted. "Harry Potter."
"Mattie, I'm just here to talk to Rory," he said.
"I know," Matilda said, opening the door for him. "I'm going to harass Neville for a while. If you think for a second I'm not going to tell him what an ass you're being to my friend, you've got another thing coming, buddy."
Harry stepped into the room and Matilda stepped out, pulling it shut behind her.
Rory sat cross-legged on her bed, her elbow resting on her knee, her head in hand. She felt bored somehow staring at him there. She knew what he was going to say. She knew what she was going to say. Was it going to change anything?
"Hi," he said. "Can I sit?"
"Of course," she said.
He took a seat beside her. They were both silent.
"Do you…" Harry started and then stopped. He seemed to think his words over again. "Sometimes I feel like we're on a hamster wheel."
"A hamster wheel?" Rory asked.
"That we just keep running and running and never get anywhere," Harry said.
"You mean that we keep having these stupid arguments every other week?" Rory asked.
"Right," Harry said. "And the only way to stop feeling like we're never getting anywhere is to just… Jump off the wheel I guess. Take the wheel out of the equation entirely."
Rory stared at Harry. "What are you getting at right now?"
"I'm going to talk to Cho tomorrow and tell her we can't be friends. And I'm going to have Hermione help her in the DA meetings instead of me," Harry said.
Rory was incredulous. Why shouldn't she be after everything? Still, she was hopeful of the prospect of Cho finally going away entirely.
"You know you'll hurt her feelings if you tell her you don't want to be her friend?" Rory asked.
Harry nodded. "But talking to her at Christmas didn't exactly work, I guess. So I'll just have to tell her I can't have her hanging around at all anymore. Even if she means nothing by it because I don't want you to take it the wrong way."
Rory sat up straight. "You don't want me to take it the wrong way?"
"Right," Harry said.
For a moment, everything in Rory's head went completely blank. She didn't recognize Harry or that she was sitting on a bed or that she even existed. For a split second. There was nothing. And then she was back in her body, sitting on her bed listening to the worst apology she had ever heard Harry give in his entire life.
She hopped up to her feet and paced around the dorm in disbelief for a moment. She had to think of her words carefully otherwise she was going to shout at him.
"Rory?" Harry started.
Finally, she sat down next to him.
"When she apologized, did she say 'sorry for chasing after you even though you have a girlfriend?' Did she apologize for disrespecting our relationship at all?" Rory asked.
"She didn't, but what does it matter? She just wants us to be friends again, like before," Harry said.
"Like when you were friends before? When Cho was actively pursuing you and telling you that I was a crap girlfriend?" Rory asked. "That's the person you want to be friends with?"
"Rory, it's not like that and you know it," he said.
"Maybe it's not for you, but she might see it differently. What if she just sees you being friends as a way in?" she asked.
"Rory, she has no in. I love you. I don't know how I can convince you that it doesn't matter," he said. "I genuinely don't know why you're upset."
"Why I'm upset? Do you think you would get upset if you walked into the library and saw some boy holding my hand? Someone who supposedly apologized for being a jerk to you, but they want things to go back to the way they were before, where they were hitting on me without any regard for you?"
Her words were clearly sinking in for once, which Rory appreciated.
"And might it make you even more upset if I told you that I'm not going to speak to that person again because you might take it the wrong way? Wouldn't it make you absolutely crazy that I couldn't seem to grasp that you're right to be angry because what am I doing letting someone else get that close when it's only supposed to be you?" she asked, near sobbing.
"Okay, Rory, I get it," Harry said. Rory was on her feet again. Harry was too. Her anger and frustration had boiled over and she was crying now. Harry put his hands on her shoulder to keep her from pacing the room any further. "Listen to me. Do you trust me?" Rory nodded. "Then none of it matters. I get it. Maybe I'm too close with Cho, and maybe she is up to something like you're saying, but I love you. You are the only girl I care about. Cho can say and do whatever she likes, but I only want you. Only you. And I'm sorry if I made you feel like that's not the case."
"Are you sorry? Because you keep saying you are, but nothing changes," Rory said.
"I mean it, Rory," Harry said.
Rory wiped tears from her face. "I just… I can't keep arguing with you like this. I can't."
"I don't want things to keep on like this either," he said. He pulled Rory into his chest and held her tightly.
Rory buried her face into him and let her fingers curl around the front of his shirt. She didn't flinch when her bedroom door opened. She didn't see who it was, only heard their irritated groan when Harry asked if they could have a few minutes alone and they walked out of the room.
She clung to him tightly, and fear tingled at the back of her mind. She was afraid of losing him. She was afraid that she was going to have to give him up or that he was going to be snatched away by someone else. Harry had become synonymous with that feeling of home, but more and more it felt like he was slipping away.
So this one last time, Rory held onto him tightly. She breathed in his smell. She let his warmth envelop her. She let every promise and "I love you" he whispered into her ear settle down and take up residence inside of her. Because she had to believe that this time, it was all finally going to work out exactly the way he promised it would.
Because she knew what it meant if it didn't.
"I love you, Rory," he said.
But the words felt hollow. She realized that she was doubting him. Because if he loved her, why would he make her put up with this?
"I love you," she replied, burrowing herself deeper into his embrace. These arms were where she felt safest. Maybe if she held him close enough she would find that part of him that she'd fallen in love with, sitting on the couch together in the common room last November.
Rory was distant with him for the next few days. Harry couldn't blame her since he'd really managed to upset her. He was thankful at least that she wasn't angry with him. He didn't get to see her on Wednesday night after his Occlumency lesson because she had choir practice and went straight to bed afterward.
On Thursday, they were finally back to their DA meetings. He and Rory were back in sync when it came to catching everyone up, to teaching. When the meeting was over he saw Rory packing up her bag and went over to her.
"You're leaving?" he asked.
"Thought I might go to bed early tonight," she said casually.
"Don't," Harry said gently, taking her hands. "Just stay for a bit. I'll make it worth your while. I'm quite good at helping with lesson plans, and I hear that I'm an excellent kisser as well." He was relieved to see her smile at him. "Plus I just want to talk. Things feel… Weird. I don't want it to be weird."
Rory nodded. "I suppose I can make time for you this evening." She kissed him on the cheek and sat her bag on the ground.
This was the best Harry felt since he'd gotten back to school.
He looked over to the door and saw Cho lingering by the doorway with Marietta. Harry looked at Rory.
"I'll be right back," he said. He crossed the room and walked up to Cho. "Cho, can I talk to you for a minute?"
"Sure," Cho said. She glanced over Harry's shoulder, no doubt to see what Rory was doing. They stepped away from the door as their classmates continued to exit into the hallway. "Everything alright?"
"Yeah, everything is fine," Harry said. "It's just, I was thinking about it, and you're really nice and all that, but I actually don't think it's a good idea if we're friends. Not beyond the occasional 'hello' and 'goodbye' and DA meetings, I mean."
Cho looked confused. "But I already told you-."
"I know, but it's only going to cause problems. And I like you, as a person and all. But I love her," Harry said. "And it's not worth it."
Harry could see the hurt on Cho's face, and he felt bad, truly. But this is what he had to do, for Rory.
"Well, alright then," Cho said, backing toward the door, her face turning red. "Have a good night."
Harry went to offer an apology, but she was out the door before he could say another word. When the room was empty, Harry sat down beside Rory. She had the end of her pen pressed to her lips as she stared down at the notebook in her lap. He knew it was a good bet that Rory had watched his entire confrontation with Cho and was just making an effort to not say anything about it.
"I'm going to guess she doesn't like me anymore," Harry said.
"Well, she doesn't like me either," Rory said. "So I guess that makes two of us."
Harry gently took the notebook and pen from his girlfriend and sat them aside. He grabbed hold of her legs and pulled her into his lap.
"Can I help you?" she asked, smirking.
"I just want to talk to you," he said.
"About what?" she asked.
"Anything. How'd you feel about the weather today?" he asked.
"I think we're a bit past chit-chatting about the weather, Lovey," Rory said.
"You've barely said a word to me in two days. And I know you were really upset with me, but… I've been around you this whole time and it still feels like I miss you," he said.
Rory bit at her bottom lip and fiddled with his tie, thinking to herself. Harry was trying not to be anxious about how long of a pause she was taking.
"I want things to be like they were before. But you also made me feel really crappy. And I know you apologized, and it should just be water under the bridge, but I dunno… I think I just needed some space to sort things out," Rory said.
"And… Are things well sorted?" Harry asked.
Rory shrugged. He had no idea what to do with that response.
"I don't think it's realistic to assume that I can just get over it in a day or two. Especially since-." Rory stopped short, but he knew what she meant to say. It was especially because he'd promised that Cho wasn't going to be an issue anymore and she immediately became a problem as soon as he saw her again. His track record was shit.
"It doesn't matter," she said instead. "I miss you too. And I'm tired of dwelling on all the negative stuff anyway." She let her body relax against his and rested her head on his shoulder. Harry let one of his hands trace up and down her back. He gently pressed his face into her hair.
It was starting to hit him that Rory might not be happy. He worried she might be getting tired of Cho and Voldemort and Umbridge and his mood swings and everything else that was going on in his life. He leaned on her more than anyone else. Maybe she was tired of it. Tired of him. At the same time, he didn't understand why Rory was so upset about all of it. Jealousy was one thing. Harry got jealous himself. But he trusted Rory. Didn't she trust him?
"I love you," Harry said.
"I love you too," she replied. Her arms wrapped around his torso and she squeezed him tightly. She tilted her head up to look at him and smiled. "And don't you forget it."
Harry smiled back before pressing his lips to hers.
Maybe he couldn't fix things immediately, or figure out why her brain was working the way that it did. Maybe she did need a little more space to cool down and relax about what had happened. But for now, while he had her here, mercifully alone for the first time in weeks, he thought maybe he could at least distract her from all of their crap just for tonight.
He pulled her closer and kissed her deeper. His hands grazed her back, down to her hips. She sighed into his mouth and twisted in his lap so that her legs straddled him. Her arms draped around his shoulders and she leaned into him. There was hardly a part of their bodies that wasn't touching.
This was one thing Harry never had to worry about. He'd kiss her and she would always come back for another and another and another. He seldom, if ever, minded it. When Harry had become more cautious at Grimmauld during the Christmas holiday, he spent a lot of time with Rory pouting at him, or stealing early morning kisses from him in the kitchen when he'd help her make coffee. Even now she sucked and bit at his lips, tasted him with her tongue as if she was trying to devour him.
He would gladly let her.
Rory walked into her bedroom just before curfew and collapsed onto her bed.
"Things go all right with your boyfriend then?" Matilda asked.
"Super," Rory replied. "Even managed to stop being distracted long enough to write up a lesson plan for next week."
"Is that so?" Matilda teased.
"You look a bit disheveled to have only been lesson planning," Parvati remarked.
"I said we got distracted," Rory said simply, sliding her shoes off and pulling her feet onto the bed. Matilda stared hard at her. "What is it?"
Matilda opened her mouth to speak, but then glanced around the room and thought better of it. She climbed onto Rory's bed, pulled the curtains closed, and put a silencing charm up.
"Am I in trouble?" Rory asked.
"No, of course not," Matilda said dismissively. "I've just been wondering about you and Harry lately."
"Wondering about what?" Rory asked.
"Don't worry. I'm not here to interrogate you about the ups and downs of your relationship. That's what you have Nev-Nev for," Matilda said. "I just can't help but notice that the two of you are… Well, we leave you alone in that Room of Requirement once a week and you almost always show back up here looking sweaty and disheveled and in an infinitely better mood than the rest of us."
Rory knew what Matilda was getting at, but she decided to play dumb. "And what are you insinuating?"
"Have you been shagging Harry Potter without telling me?" she asked.
"I always appreciate that you don't mince words, Mattie," Rory replied. "And also no. I'm not having sex with Harry."
"But you'd tell me?" Matilda asked.
"Eventually," Rory said with a shrug.
"You never tell me anything anymore since you two started getting handsy with each other," Matilda said. "Which is fair, but still."
"Nothing to tell," Rory said. Except about what happened in the bathroom at Grimmauld Place. And in the Room of Requirement after the DA meeting tonight. It had started off completely innocently. But then she was lying back on the cushions and his hands were in some not-so-innocent places. Things went kind of fuzzy as she tried to recall exactly when Harry's face ended up between her legs and-.
"Why are you blushing?" Matilda asked.
"Why are you so nosey?" Rory asked. "Let it be."
Matilda laughed. "I will let it be. As long as you don't get on my case about Seamus again either."
"Fine," Rory replied.
Matilda sighed. "I was talking to Neville in History of Magic and he was being so weird about it. I know Seamus is kind of an idiot, but still."
Rory obviously knew that Neville was being weird because he liked Matilda. And also probably because Seamus was kind of an idiot.
"He'll be fine if you're right about Seamus coming around and being less of an idiot," Rory said.
"Hope so. You're so entangled in all of Harry's mess and the whole rollercoaster that if your family life lately that he's all I've got to talk to right now," Matilda said.
"You can still talk to me," Rory said. "And you said I've got family stuff going. Your dad-."
Matilda groaned. "My mum was practically hysterical in the letter she wrote to me about him. Doesn't think he's a deatheater, but that he's going to go on some sort of killing spree. She's been trying to convince the Ministry that she needs some sort of protection in case he comes after her."
"Could she be right?" Rory asked.
"I don't know," Matilda asked. "But the Ministry doesn't appear to be taking her seriously. They're really leaning into the whole Sirius is the ring leader of a Voldemort cult thing, so they're not exactly fixated on my mum's safety. Even without their whole Voldemort isn't alive campaign, you know my mum is bloody mad from nearly drinking herself to death every day, so they don't take her seriously anyway."
Matilda had a complicated relationship with her mother. She loved her, dearly, but Bryony Cerbus had become an aloof alcoholic since her husband ended up in Azkaban. It made her a bit unreliable as far as her parents went. That was probably why Matilda was so independent. She'd been looking after herself for ages because her mother was mostly checked out.
"At the very least she says they're looking after the families of the people he killed so, there is that," Matilda said. "I'm not worried. And I don't think worrying would do much anyway."
"It usually doesn't," Rory replied.
"As for you," Matilda said, "I know you're worried about me making silly decisions with boys and I said I'd leave the lecturing to Neville, but I should remind you that no matter how great it is, going down on you does not count as an actual apology."
Rory's face went red. "Mattie-."
"He can't just use his mouth, he has to use his words too," Matilda went on.
"All right, that's enough of you," Rory said.
Matilda laughed. "I knew it, I knew it, I knew it."
"Goodnight," Rory said. "And I'll have you know he did actually apologize."
"Well good for him. And for you too I guess," Matilda said. She blew Rory a kiss and climbed from the bed disappearing behind the curtains.
