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Chapter Eleven
Then & Now
You build on the future. You use it as a stepping stone. Close the door on the past. You don't try to forget the mistakes, but you don't dwell on it. You don't have to let it have any of your energy, or any of your space. – Johnny Cash
People change. Memories don't. – Anonymous
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Half the cast is caught up in the past, and hindsight is rarely kind. Lucrezia and Odin go on a rather dystopian adventure turned vacation, Duo keeps house, Marlé solves a mystery, and Jake gets put in time-out. Meanwhile, Relena finally pieces together a few answers of her own.
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Notes:
Forty-eight hour work weeks. For no pay. While living in the basement of my very nosy family. Writing time has been at a premium, when I've even been awake enough to write. On the bright side, as of January 9th, my internship is complete, and I'm back to considerably more sane hours. On the other hand, job hunting is similarly time consuming and terribly disheartening, and I'm also studying my butt off for national board certification exams. My apologies.
At any rate, this is a solid 42 pages. I know from reading Recast to my husband so he knows what the hell I'm muttering about all the time that 30 pages takes over 2 hours at a regular speech pace, so hopefully that counts for something. Enjoy!
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August 28th 188 – L3-X18999 – St. Jude Dominican Hospital – Morgue
Deep breath in… out. In… Out. Breathe.
Don't forget.
"Jake?"
He shook his head, not sure his voice could work. He was focusing on the chest… not the face.
If he looked at the face, then he wouldn't be able to deny it any more.
Breathe. What are you doing? You can't be here.
Lu's hand rested on his shoulder, lightly; a hesitant touch, ready to be snatched back at the first sign of movement. He didn't care, though; she was allowed. And he was busy, anyway.
Breathe. Breathe, damnit! This couldn't be happening.
The hand on his shoulder tightened, his friend's shoulder pressing into his back as she moved closer. She was trying to anchor him…
He didn't want to need an anchor, right now.
The Alliance soldier standing next to the coroner looked annoyed. "So do we have a positive ID, or not?"
Business as always, with them. No patience, and no creativity. His uncle had always had interesting stories for what came to people without imagination. Steeling himself, he allowed his gaze to drift away from the still, pale chest and its raw bullet wounds, up to the face…
No. Impossible.He refused to accept it. He had always been more careful than this… Even if he'd seemed such a shadow of himself lately, surely he couldn't have become this stupid. "Did you run the DNA test yet?"
"He's not in the database," the man noted in annoyance. "What would be the point in calling you down here if-"
"Compare his profile to mine." When they didn't respond immediately, he turned eyes he knew ought to be cold on the coroner. "Now, if you would."
The Alliance soldier scowled, and began muttering under his breath. "Fucking OZ, sending in fucking kids…"
"I'd watch my mouth, if I were you." Jake met the man's eyes and distantly felt a spark of satisfaction at the sudden unease he found in his posture. He'd always been able to use that glare to his advantage; when he wanted to be taken seriously, it had a way of making people forget his age. A blink and he could make them as crystal and innocent as any child's… and he used that to his benefit too.
Whatever got the job done; don't deny any talents you possess out of pride, though it could be useful to make people think you thought yourself humble, or incompetent. Everyone else relied on perceptions and emotions to such a degree… Very few were capable of relying on sheer ability. The easiest route to success usually took advantage of that.
It couldn't be his uncle on that slab, no matter what he looked like. Only morons went into a firefight with nothing but canvas over their chests. Depressed as he'd been the last time they had talked, the man had too much nerve to ever stoop to such suicidal-
"It's a match," the doctor announced suddenly. "First degree relative."
There was pity in those eyes, now. "Shit…"
The hand on his shoulder grew tight enough to cause pain, if he'd been paying it any attention.
No. His eyes flitted back to the face… His face after all. His chest hurt. How? The man could smell an ambush from miles away. He owned some of the finest body armor money could buy. He obviously hadn't been wearing it.
So, not how, but why?
Suicide. Icy rage poured through his veins, even as he began to feel dizzy. It had really gone that far, that deep, then? As soon as he was out of here, he was looking up Jack's latest address and-
Lu struck him sharply in the ribs, and he gasped for air… sweet, relieving air.
Breathe! he snarled at himself. Fuckall. He was lucky Lu hadn't let him come alone – much longer and he probably would have just passed out. What an intimidating image he'd have cut then.
He clenched his jaw, closing his eyes for a moment. So he decided he wanted to die, huh? Betrayal seared bone deep through him. He'd have left the Specials in a moment if the man had but asked, even implied that he wished it. His uncle had expressly told him to stay away. Instead, it had come down to this… And he'd done it in such a public way that Jake would have had to take notice.
Not only that, though; he had done it on a colony where he had known Jake would be. He had used his real name, coming in, carrying a passport with his real information on him when he died, so that flags would be raised. That left a clear enough image of what he wanted – a trail left for him to pick up. He'd need Treize's help to keep the kid away from Jack, but he'd do it, some way or another. The Khushrenadas had enough influence… And that was only if he didn't fucking put a bullet through Jack's head for this before he could try filing another claim.
At least, after deciding to kill himself, he'd had the fucking decency to make sure Junior was looked after.
"Which department has the kid?" he asked after a moment.
"Kid?"
He didn't bother looking up, rememorizing the details of… of Odin's face after so long. "He travels with a boy, nine years old. Where is he?" He'd gotten so old in the past four years… What was he now? Forty-four? Was he going to look this worn before he turned fifty?
Will I even make it to forty? Thirty? Hell, some days, he wondered about twenty; the world was truly going to hell. Reaching up, he gripped Lu's hand on his shoulder with one of his own. He was glad she had insisted on following him down here. Hopefully she'd come with him to get Junior too; he wasn't sure what he'd even be able to say to the kid, after four years gone.
Will I even recognize him? He couldn't have changed that much, right?
"There've been no reports of a boy…"
"Jake?"
"You're telling me that no one has found him yet, then?" They had already identified that his uncle had been traveling with a child when he flew in, long before he'd come down to the morgue. It had been the detail that had made him demand to see the body in the first place. Before yesterday, the colony had been in chaos with the coup, but it had been settled, now. The report should have been filed as soon as his passport was matched to his flight in, but it was feasible, he supposed, that they hadn't had the manpower to search before now.
"There's no missing person report filed." The soldier was consulting a laptop now, and frowning. "We have him on the passenger manifest for the flight, but I can't even get an image of his paperwork…"
"Jake!" A shiver of discomfort ran through him, but he shook it off.
"You're telling me that no one could be bothered to file a missing person's report for a child because they didn't have the proper paperwork?" Jake demanded, feeling his jaw clench again.
The man was beginning to look flustered. "According to this," he announced, gesturing wildly at the screen, "The only evidence that the boy was ever here is the manifest! I can't tell if he even stepped foot on the shuttle! It's almost as if the data's been erased!"
…That paperwork had been there. Jake had seen it himself, just three hours ago, when he'd printed it out. He had the hard copies, but if this incompetent sack of shit was even close to being right...
"He's rabbiting," he whispered. Hell, the kid was the same age he'd been when he ditched Jack. Only he wouldn't have had a plan in place before this like Jake – he'd be running blind, probably trying to vanish… and erasing your tracks was the first step to disappearing.
Their old man had been dead for almost forty hours. Maybe he hadn't known what to do at first, but if he was going off the grid now… Shit! He had to move now, catch him before he got off the colony, if he hadn't already. Forty hours… He could be in so many places by now, even without help… His only hope was that he hadn't found an adult to attach himself to for camouflage yet, or he was well and truly-
"Jake, wake up!" That wasn't Lu grasping his shoulder. Twisting, his fingers found flesh, and-
~~oOo~~
~~oOo~~
August 12th 198 – Tuesday – Munich, Germany – Sarracenia
"Jake!" There was command in the tone now.
Gasping, he realized he was twisting Relena's wrist… and the only reason he hadn't broken it was that she had already countered and had his twisted in turn.
Fuck! Blanching, he immediately let go and threw himself away, trying to get his bearings. He was in his bed in Sarracenia… And he'd just attacked Relena for trying to wake him. Breathing hard, he allowed himself to outright collapse onto the mattress, staring at the ceiling.
Just how far gone am I? What the fuck would they have done if he had broken the princess' arm? Squeezing his eyes shut, fisting his bedding in his hands, he muttered, "Sorry."
"No harm done," she returned smoothly, moving to sit on the edge of the bed. "You seemed like you were having a nightmare, so I thought…" She trailed off, obviously debating what she might have done differently.
"Next time, throw something at me. It's safer." He'd tell her to just leave him to it if he thought she would listen, but he knew better.
"I'll keep it in mind," she noted serenely, reaching out to touch one of his hands, and when he didn't respond, she shifted her weight to lay down next to him with his arm as a pillow, taking the hand in both of hers once she was settled. "Would it help to talk about it?"
She was laying a bare six inches from being flush against him, for all that she was facing away… The scent of her was intoxicating. Swallowing, he turned his face away from her. "No. Just… old memories."
"Mm," she murmured in understanding, threading her fingers gently through his. The warmth of her was enveloping for all that it was only a tiny part of him… What would it feel like if I gave in and pulled her close? "Is there anything I can do to help?"
Could I forgive myself, if I did? "No," he murmured, carefully stopping himself from tightening his hands into fists. After a moment, he tried to reassure her, "It'll pass. It always does, eventually."
If I hadn't trained her, she wouldn't have known the counter to that break. Treize had been the first person to stun him into respect by immediately countering his thoughtless attacks. Treize, then Lu… and now, Lena.
Forcing himself to take a deep, easy breath, he opened his eyes and turned back towards her. Her hair didn't quite reach her shoulders, and was a dozen shades of blonde he imagined he could spend hours trying to differentiate the subtleties of… Sleep tousled now, but all the more fantastic for it. The heavy fabric of her burgundy nightgown was hitched high on her hips, but she had a pair of cotton shorts on too… and laying like this, the gown draped more accurately and revealed more than it usually would.
She smelled like rain and something softly sweet… he'd once imagined she smelled like innocence, but that hadn't faded with her rose-tinted view of the world… It was just her.
He needed to focus on something else before he did something irrevocable. "I didn't sleep through the alarm, did I?" He'd done it before, when he was dreaming like that.
Releasing his hand, she twisted to face him, even as she shook her head in a negative. "I woke up before it on my own, and heard you move. Then you seemed upset, so I thought it would be best to wake you. We have another twenty minutes before it's time."
Well, there went any legitimate reason to try to get her back off of his bed. He liked her there a little too much. Everything about her made him want to drop all his guards… and that would be the worst thing he could do, now.
Her lips twisting into the barest of smiles, Lena reached out one hand to cup his cheek; somehow, impossibly, his awareness of her tripled. "Relax. You look like you've run a marathon. If you don't find some peace before you get up properly, you'll be miserable all day." Shifting her weight a little, presumably getting more comfortable, she added, "If you're not comfortable telling me, you can at least sort the details out to their conclusions yourself, right?" Trailing her hand down from his face to rest against his arm by her face, she sighed a little and closed her eyes.
He stared at her for another long moment before turning his focus back onto the ceiling and letting out an explosive sigh. Peace? The only decent piece of solid intel he had been able to get on Junior after that had been a current picture from Lu's suit recording. The kid had approached their contingent of MS seemingly at random with a rocket launcher and tried to shoot her down. The only reason he hadn't succeeded in blasting her cockpit straight into kingdom come had been Treize's quick thinking in leaping in front of her… and that had hospitalized him.
That had turned out to be a good thing, though. If he hadn't been admitted to St. Jude's, Treize might not have reunited with Leia and found out about little Mariemaia. If he hadn't been their go between for a few years, Jake would have grown up without Leia's influence… and he wasn't sure how different that would have made him. Becoming Marie's godfather had given him a kind of structure he had, in hindsight, desperately needed after losing Junior… for all that she, too, had disappeared a few years later.
At least with her, he had known she was safe, just unreachable, thanks to Dekim.
Dekim… Dekim Barton had been the one who shot Odin. Even if his uncle had been looking for a convenient way to die, it had still been Dekim to pull the trigger. At least justice had finally been meted out for that, last year. The old man had been a twisted piece of work.
And intel says Marie's safe. He may have stalled himself out in indecision, but that didn't mean he'd been kicked out of the loop, for all that he hadn't done anything with it since Amsterdam. With an unknown, but healthy, protected… He could be okay with that, for now.
Hopefully he would be able to actually see her again before too long, though… it had been over seven years.
And now he had another godchild… He'd get to meet him properly in another week…
Smiling a little, he allowed himself to become lost in Relena's scent, just for a little while, and doze until their alarm went off. Just a little…
Just a little bit won't hurt.
oOo
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L2
Leia pulled out her phone, frowning to see she still didn't have anything from either Odin or her daughter. It had been weeks now… She hadn't noticed at first, since one of the other physicians had given his two weeks notice and left just a few days after Marie's last call, but… it had really been three weeks since her last communication with them.
She was tempted to restart the line of communications herself, but at the same time… what if there was a reason they hadn't called or emailed? Maybe they were in the middle of something sensitive, and she could end up calling at possibly the worst time… she didn't even have a clue as to where on the planet or colonies they might be. The longest they had gone in between messages before was two weeks…
"Dr. Keissler?"
Sighing, she flipped her phone shut and tucked it back into her purse, and shut that back into her locker. "Give me just a minute," she called back to the nurse trying to get her attention. She'd email them tonight; provided, at least, that she wasn't so tired she just collapsed as soon as she walked in the door. They could be bad about checking their email, so if whatever was going on continued, it might be another week or two before she heard back, but it would be a start, at least.
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Amsterdam, Netherlands
"So, what's it going to be, hm?" the man practically purred in his ear, which only made Mat shudder harder. He couldn't… He couldn't let this guy do what he wanted – God, Janny! – but he couldn't do anything to stop him, either.
Janice let out another sobbing wail, however muted it was by the man holding a hand over her mouth, watching Mat with an evil grin as he began to bite at her neck, his other hand gripping her thigh. She didn't dare try to struggle, not when a knife was being held to her brother's neck.
"Please," he whimpered, even as he knew it was pointless. Why had he thought it would be safer, closer to the ocean? "Please don't do this…" He had no illusions that they would leave either of them alive even if he gave the 'permission' they were demanding to rape Janice there on the damn street, not when neither of them had bothered with a mask.
However hungry they might have been back in Slovakia, at least he had known their neighborhood well enough to avoid situations like this. Their mom had been stationed there for a good three years before Libra's Fall.
"Now, now, none of that, didn't I say earlier?" Feeling as much as seeing the knife come up to his face, Mat grit his teeth, determined not to shriek this time. He had to come up with something to get them out of this… and until he did, he needed to stall – to keep Janny from giving up entirely. All the same, he let out an involuntary gasp as the blade sliced into his face again, clenching his fists and trying to hold still so the fucker didn't slip and slash one of his eyes-
But suddenly, the man shuddered, and his grip went slack. Even before the knife managed to clatter to the ground, Mat was shoving himself out of man's loosening grip, flinching down and to the side out of reflex more than anything… then staring in disbelief at the body of his attacker crumpled facedown on the ground, the hilt of a bigass dagger sticking out of the back of his neck.
"I'm not a big fan of torture," a new voice said flatly. "I don't tolerate that shit on my turf." Stepping out of the shadows, Mat could see it was a tall man maybe a few years older than him with long blonde hair tied back in a ponytail, casually aiming a gun in a steady hand. "You've got to be new here, not to know that." His mouth twisted in a rictus of a smile as he added, "But you must never have even heard of Amsterdam if you thought you had to do this kind of shit to get laid, which I don't buy. Let the girl go, and I'll think about pointing you in the direction of the red-light."
Janny seemed to come out of her shock then, and began to struggle, kicking and flailing before her captor snatched up a fistful of her hair and flicked out a switchblade to hold it to her neck. "Don't make this difficult, buddy," he snarled back. "Back off or the girl's dead on your turf."
"Wrong answer," a more feminine voice announced, even as the side of the man's neck erupted in a fountain of blood, and Janny shrieked. The thug reflexively reached for the injury, letting her stumble and fall to her hands and knees, and the woman who had saved her casually kicked the man's knees out and shoved him to one side, dispassionately watching him bleed out.
Mat's savior tucked his gun into the back of his pants. "That was a little messy, don't you think?"
She snorted. "Not everyone can aim perfectly between the second and third vertebrae, Kay. I wanted to make sure he went down on the first strike." Sighing, she crouched down and offered Janice a sad smile. "Hey, sweetie," she murmured. "Are you okay?"
His sister just started to sob harder. The woman grimaced a little, making placating gestures with her hands. "Honey, I need you to quiet down a bit. I think you've had about all the attention you can handle for tonight already, huh?"
…These people had really just come out of nowhere to save them?
Almost as if in answer, the man sighed and crouched down beside him, mouth quirking in an uncomfortable sort of grimace. "Looks like that sadist got you pretty good, kid. Was it just your face, or he slice you up anywhere else on top of that?"
Mat swallowed hard. He didn't seem like he was about to take advantage of them in turn… And he'd heard the locals weren't supposed to be as bad as the rest anyway, though he didn't know how true that was. They'd been speaking English, same as the guys who'd grabbed Janny, but the Dutch accent was heavy on both.
Either way, there's nothing for it now. At this point, he had to admit he had no control… so what could it hurt? "Just this," he muttered, gesturing at his face.
The guy nodded a little as though he'd expected as much. "Well, either way, you're going to need to get that cleaned up." He hand out a gloved hand to shake. "I'm Kasey von Koll, leader of the Devil's Get. We try and keep these parts more peaceable than this, generally. That over there is my wife, Melissa." Pursing his lips for a minute, looking over the two bodies, he noted, "If you're okay with waiting a few minutes while we take care of this mess, I'll see what I can do about your face. It looks like you might need stitches, and I'm pretty good with a needle."
"It's true," the woman, Melissa, announced, and Mat looked up to find her with Janny tucked tight against her chest in a hug. Winking at him, she offered, "He does all our mending at home."
Kasey rolled his eyes, moving to take his knife back out of the corpse beside him. "Only because she's lazy," he insisted playfully, beginning to rifle through the man's pockets. "'Liss, do you think we should call one of the others and get some help with this? I've got no issue with dropping these assholes in the nearest dumpster, but I don't remember if the Militia has any sort of protocol about the non-affiliated."
"If they're out of the street, the cops aren't going to take the time to care, and the Militia will know the whole story within a day or so anyway," Melissa dismissed. "Besides, who's going to report this? I don't think the cops have even been out here in two months. People having an issue anymore call us." Narrowing her eyes at Mat, she added, "You shouldn't be out like this after dark, you know. You have to be new to town to not know that."
Mat shifted uncomfortably, trying to not think about the burning heat that made up the left side of his face. "We don't have anywhere to go, yet," he admitted. "We just got in today."
She nodded decisively. "Then first thing tomorrow, you find yourselves a crew to match up with, and settle in tight. There's a few around here that wouldn't mind a few more people; I'll give you some names before the night's out. The city's a dangerous place; never go anywhere without someone to watch your back." She glanced back to the thirteen-year-old tucked into her embrace. "Someone who can fight back."
Mat nodded a little, feeling dizzy. "Right. Um, okay."
Kasey reached over and dropped a wallet into his lap. "Here. He's not using it. It'll give you a start of something to bargain with, at least. The phone might go for something too, depending on how many minutes it's got left." The phone and a few pieces of jewelry and other odds and ends were added to his lap as he stared dumbly, before his savior hefted the body and stood… moving for the dumpster a few yards down the alley.
He was really just…?
The woman tossed him a knowing, but sharp look. "You take what you can get around here, my young friend. I don't know where you came from that made you think coming here would be a good idea, but…" Her smile was sardonic. "Welcome to Amsterdam."
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oOo
May 29th 195 – Newport, Sanc – Palace Grounds
Noin sighed as she woke up, and pulled the blanket more securely around herself, loving the way it squished around her. Bedding is one thing that just isn't worth skimping on, she decided with relish. It certainly makes sleeping naked less weird of an idea, at any rate.
She grinned impishly and wriggled a little deeper in a fashion she knew was utterly girlish, but just couldn't give a damn about. A girl could get used to this. Stretching one arm to the far side, she rolled over to give her prince a good morning he wasn't likely to forget…
…and groaned when all she found was empty space. Not that, though.
Sitting up, she gave a rueful shake of her head as she looked out the windows at the morning light. Sometimes, Zechs could just get to be all work and no play… Getting the guy to sleep in might qualify as a miracle. Grinning again, she threw her legs over the side of the bed and took the blanket with her, wrapping it securely around herself as she did. It shouldn't take her too long to find him… and it wasn't like there was anyone else around in this place, not yet. They were working on that, but for now…
For now, she could walk around in nothing but a feather blanket looking for her lover, if she damn well pleased. And even if he meant for Relena to rule, that didn't make him any less a prince of the place… She didn't know the girl all that well, yet, but she knew enough to figure they'd always have rooms set aside for them here. Big, royal, rooms, probably. The Peacecraft siblings had an alarmingly natural talent for pomp and drama, seemingly genetic even.
Mm, now there's a thought. Not any time soon, of course, but kids were something she wanted eventually.
She shivered slightly as she moved out onto the balcony overlooking the ocean. The view was worth the chill, though… and it only felt cold because she'd spent the majority of her life in Italy and Tanzania. She would adapt, probably faster than she expected.
Distracting as the view was, however, Zechs was more so. Already dressed in khakis and a pressed white shirt, he was leaning against the railing, sea breeze whipping his hair about. However prim and proper he tried to be… he was still enchanting. He matched, here, his hair nearly as pale as the palace itself, eyes some mix color of the morning sky and sea. He seemed to be lost in thought, so she moved over to stand next to him, suppressing a shiver as she stood beside him and leaned forward to try and look over the railing directly down the cliffs.
The vertigo of the sheer drop gave her a rushing, heady feeling, and she smiled broadly as she took in a deep breath. She'd always loved heights… Her father had teased her when she began flight school that he'd always known she was meant to have wings. Zechs had never understood, but it seemed to amuse him, how she could convince Jake to crawl to the edge of a cliff with her on their bellies just to stare down. It wasn't that he didn't like heights…
He just grew up here, she decided. If you had seen this every day of your life as a baby, it was probably strange to live so close to the ground all the time.
"Noin…"
"Zechs," she returned cheerfully, shifting back to her full height as she greeted him. Not that it meant much, with how tall he was, but the point was that he knew her attention was on him. He could be startlingly insecure about some things, even while he never seemed to consider others.
So often in the past, he'd shied away from her attention… and she had let him, because it seemed he'd needed the space. Now, though…
They were past that, now. He'd avenged his family, and could reclaim his kingdom… 'Zechs Marquise' could just disappear now, and he could come back into the light as Milliardo Peacecraft; Treize had already said he'd arrange for him to be presumed dead, if they wanted to take that route. The whole reason behind that mask had finally come to be.
Treize had accepted her resignation papers with a smile and a shooing motion; her father had given her a level look and informed her that if she was planning on eloping, she'd better invite him all the same. Cassie had squealed and demanded she be let know juicy details she had no intention of ever giving anyone… on threat of giving her details she wouldn't appreciate – and might in fact scar her for life – if she didn't comply.
Thankfully, her dad had shut that down as soon as it started.
Suddenly, she really took in his clothes again, and frowned. "What are you up to?" she asked. They'd been working to actively remodel the palace, clean it up, before they went to get Relena. It was dirty, sweaty work… not the kind of thing you wore a pressed shirt for. Granted, he could get a little odd about breakfast formalities, or what you wore where… but that hadn't stopped him from staying away from the color white over the past few days they'd been here.
He finally focused on her, and paused. "Is that all you're wearing?"
"My pajamas seem to have absconded sometime during the night," she informed him naughtily. Offering him a quizzical look, she added, "Didn't you have something to do with that? I'd have sworn you did…"
He closed his eyes, a faint blush rising to his cheeks. "Of course."
Rolling her eyes, she leaned against him, and after another long moment, he hesitantly wrapped his arms around her. "Relax," she soothed. "Tell me what's bothering you."
He sighed. "I can't stay here, Noin."
"I don't see why not."
"I-"
~~oOo~~
~~oOo~~
August 13th 198 – Wednesday – Bolivia
Lucrezia lurched awake with a gasp, one hand to her chest. Residual disappointment coiled in her belly like a live creature, and with a growl, she threw aside her blankets and rolled to her feet. Leaning against the wall with one hand, she forced herself to take a few deep breaths… and began ruthlessly crushing the emotions trying to twine around her like a damn cat.
Fucking castles in the sky. That was all it had ever been. She'd been willing to give up everything for him – had, multiple times… and every time, he'd give her enough to make her think he maybe felt the same… and leave again. Not too long after he had gone, she would hear either from him or about him, and she would start the pursuit again, prove again just how invaluable she was, make him realize how much he really needed her… And he would acknowledge it. He would thank her and he'd look at her in that way that she'd known meant love… and then he was gone again.
Even Jake was better at keeping in touch with his thrice-damned family than that, and she should have realized it. In hindsight, it seemed painfully obvious that he had been stringing her along because she was useful… Hell, her interference and refusal to fight him at Libra might have even been one of the key factors to its fall on the Americas.
She'd fallen in love with a genocidal psychopath. She had the excuse of having been fourteen when she first kissed him, but it still wasn't the kind of thing you wanted to admit to, down the line. Being young was a great excuse for being stupid, but the effects of this… What did my little fantasy cost us all?
Feeling empty more than anything now, she let out a relieved breath and turned to consider the shape of Odin's sleeping form just a few feet away, debating if he had moved at all. On some level, she was tempted to talk to him, seeing as she wasn't the only one on this little ship that had made some colossal mistakes… but at the same time, even if he was awake, she respected that he might be willing to give her a moment to collect herself.
It was funny, on some level… That day in Sanc, when Zechs had professed his need to leave… it had, in the end, been because of Heero. They hadn't had a name for him yet, but he had stunned them all. His selfless sacrifice at the drop of a hat, to save the colonies. The fact that someone that Zechs could consider an equal on the battlefield, someone who was definitely younger than them – though not so much as he looked, they'd later found out – had been able to give himself so completely to his cause without a second thought… He had said that it felt too selfish, unbearably superficial and wrong of him to leave the stage now, especially with the other pilot's death.
And she had listened, and believed him to be too good to just let the world's problems go. Damn her, but she'd eaten it right up.
Sitting back down on her makeshift bed – nothing like the one she had shared in Sanc with Zechs – she made up her mind.
"The first time I saw you," she muttered into the silence, "I thought you were twelve."
There was a long moment where he didn't answer, and she debated whether he really was asleep… or maybe just as superficial as every other man she'd ever met, keeping an illusion of grandeur about himself-
Then he rolled his shoulders. "Puberty came late."
She laughed, suddenly feeling a million times better. "I laughed, you know, at your file for the Sanc academy."
"It seemed as appropriate as anything else," he admitted. "Quatre had filled it out without a second thought, while I had to think. And it worked well enough."
Lucrezia shook her head, remembering her inner debate over whether or not to confront him on filling in his date of birth as being the same as Relena's. In the end, she'd decided it hadn't been worth it. "Can I know it now?" she asked curiously.
"That would be hard," he decided. "As I'm guessing you don't want another date taken at random." Turning to face her, he admitted, "I let Marlé pick it."
How sad. His choice before had meant more than idle amusement, then. The implications of that were daunting. Nonetheless, she offered him a smile. "You're not about to tell me I was getting a fifteen-year-old drunk this last week, are you?"
He snorted. "By my calculations, the youngest possible is seventeen. Eighteen seems more likely."
"Oh good, that's one thing I don't have to regret, then."
She had meant the words flippantly, but he took a long time to think before answering it. "Regret is worthless," he told her finally. "It will destroy you, if you listen for it. Doubt will sap your strength when you need it most, and if you regret your life…"
He trailed off and she found herself leaning forward, waiting for the rest…
"…It makes you stupid."
She snorted at the rather anticlimactic ending. "Stupid?"
"I just woke up," he defended. "If you live by your regrets, you carry the world on your shoulders, and it's not worth it." Shifting again, he added, "No one else will take the time to give it second thought, nine times out of ten." He made a noise that might have been a snort. "Or even once out of seventy-three."
Hm? "Seventy-three?"
"There were seventy-three direct relatives of the pacifists at New Edwards," he clarified.
She went cold as she recalled the details of what she had learned through interviews with those same relatives… but while she had thought it was heart stopping before, she had only found twelve people the gundam pilot had handed a gun to and offered to die for.
Damn, but there was a reason Zechs was so obsessed with this man. Relena too. Dorothy joined that list, if she actually thought about it… and who even knew how many others. He had a way of just moving people, didn't he?
"Of course," he added after a long moment of her not answering, "They were all pacifists."
She started laughing helplessly, wheezing until she ran out of air. It wasn't even all that funny, actually… just… Just that he recognized it.
He sat up in the meantime, watching her, though it was hard to tell his expression in the dark. After she had started to calm down, he asked, "Do you regret, then?"
That sobered her up immediately. "Not always," she admitted after thinking for a moment. "Not anymore, at least." Most of the time, she was willing to write her mistakes off to the impulses of a young girl who had thought she was on the right side, and that most of the time, the ends justified the means. She'd come to realize that that wasn't always the case though, and she was better for having realized it. "Sometimes, though… I can't seem to help it." She grinned a bit. "And maybe I'm being a little bit stupid when I remember it." Zechs had no power over her now, no sway; she had moved on.
Nobody was perfect. Everybody screwed at least a few things up. If they hadn't, you just hadn't looked close enough… or were such a love-blind fool you'd regressed into delusion.
"Sometimes," he murmured in what, after a moment, she recognized was agreement. "Finding a way to… make it right, though. To let it go. That's the important part."
Lucrezia sighed. "I can't disagree."
"…I watched my father destroy himself with regret," he said finally. "I never knew why. He said something about how one fool's actions, a single bullet, could change the world with you at the center… and you would never know it until you could look back far enough to grieve." He paused another moment, then finished with, "He told me that the only way to avoid it was to live for the moment – to be resolute in everything I did as I did it, so even if I looked back on a mistake, there was nothing to have done differently. Nothing to resent."
She licked her lips. "He sounds wise," she offered.
"He said it as he died," Odin dismissed. "Anyone can sound wise if they don't survive to live by their words."
Poignant. "Yet you live by it," she pointed out.
His tone was amused. "It sounded wise."
She snorted. "It seems to be working out alright for you these days, at least."
"It works every time I use it."
Mm, so does he truly not regret anything, or is he implying that he loses sight of his ideals sometimes? He'd only be more human for the latter… And on some level, the logic between the two ideas became circular. Letting out a deep breath, she laid back down. They had a long day ahead of them, by the looks of things. "I'll have to remember that." Hesitating for a moment, she decided to add, "Thank-you."
He settled back onto one elbow. "What for?"
Lucrezia shrugged a little to herself. "For answering me, mostly. For being you." That frank bluntness he approached everything with… that genuine clarity; his lack of guile.
"That seems like an odd thing to thank someone for," he pointed out.
"True," she agreed. "But sometimes, it just is what it is. You can appreciate an object for its qualities, right? People don't have to be any different."
"Hn."
"Just think about it," she encouraged, wrapping her blanket tightly around her shoulders once more. "And sleep well."
oOo
oOo
August 14th 198 – Thursday – Dachau, Germany
"Think she'll be surprised?" Jake asked wryly.
"If she is, it will serve her right," Relena returned easily, offering Vaughn a bright smile as he opened her door for her. "She drops in on me unannounced all the time. Besides, we won't be long." They had an extra hour where they hadn't expected in her schedule, and by the time they made it back to Sarracenia, it would only be time to leave. She'd mentioned that it would be a better idea to do something silly to relax to Mai… who had immediately pointed out that at least one of Olivia's komondor litters had been born last week.
It was, frankly, as good an excuse as anything else, and one of Natalie's omelets sounded downright heavenly at the moment. Also, she could admit that she was mildly interested in what the puppies looked like this young; baby animals were usually cute, for all that they were generally far more trouble than they were worth.
Natalie answered the door promptly and exclaimed rather happily before ushering them in and leading them in towards the kitchen, winking and announcing before anything could be said that she'd known they would miss her cooking. Before Relena could think of an appropriately teasing retort, however, she spotted Olivia nursing a cup of coffee at the breakfast bar, and promptly found herself distracted.
"Did you just wake up?" she demanded. The redhead was barefoot, in what looked like a fairly scandalous silk nightgown under a thankfully thicker bathrobe. Her hair was disheveled in a way that could only mean she'd only taken the time to pull it out of an updo before falling into bed, with all the product in it making an outright mess. Her make-up was also definitely at least twelve hours old and slept in, heavily applied and heavily smeared.
It was nearly noon… and it was, she realized, the first time she'd seen the other noblewoman look inelegant.
Olivia narrowed her eyes at her in a glower, not shifting her posture out of her near crouch over her mug in the slightest. "This is my house," she noted irritably. "I can do whatever I want in it." Sighing into her drink and sipping more, she decided, "Don't make too much noise, and I won't make you get out." She blinked, looking back up at Relena. "Your Highness," she added as an afterthought.
Mailin snorted as she moved to open the fridge. "Were you that bad with your water, or did you just drink that much?"
"Either, both," her friend returned, attention once again wholly fixed on her coffee.
"Was it worth it?"
Uncrossing her legs and tucking her robe around herself a little more conservatively, she noted, "It was right up until you all forgot you had phones. Did you actually want something, or are we just feeling spontaneous with unfortunate timing?"
"Spontaneous," Relena admitted, beginning to feel distinctly uncomfortable.
Her hostess sighed, waving her over to the barstool next to her. "Well, done's done. How has your day been so far?"
"Well enough. We just had someone reschedule at literally the last minute, so when I realized we were nearby… It seemed like a good idea," she noted somewhat uncertainly.
"Mm, in theory, it is," her friend agreed. "It will probably even work properly, should you try again in the future."
In the end, it wasn't too hard to settle in with coffee and lunch, sitting at the bar with Olivia while the others found places around the dining table. The duchess even managed to pay no more attention to Jake than she did the other guards, which she could tell had Jake relaxing somewhat. Since reconciling with Dorothy, Olivia had dropped all her pushiness for Jake's attention, but with how wrapped up he had been with his emotional issues, Relena wasn't entirely sure he had noticed before now.
Any hope that he might start to level out more today, however, was dashed when Dorothy stumbled blurrily into the room. "Natalie, please tell me you accounted for me," the heiress mumbled groggily. "It smells fantastic…"
"I wasn't sure when you'd grace us with your presence," the housekeep returned teasingly. "Just give me a few minutes and I'm sure I can manage something for you."
"Mm." The noise was somehow appreciative, and she finally turned to the table… and the stares she was getting. Blinking a few times, she frowned. "Fuck."
Relena just closed her eyes; she could feel Jake smoldering on the far side of the table. If Olivia's state of dress hadn't given away what the two noblewomen had been up to the previous night, Dorothy's left no room for doubt. Her make-up was worse off than the redhead's, hair littered with tangles, and she was still wearing one of her clubbing dresses that was frankly more of a long shirt than anything.
"Aren't you supposed to listen at the door before making an entrance?" Olivia demanded. "You're sneaky enough, you ought to have."
The blonde turned a hot glare on her. "You could have told me she was coming."
"You could have told her we were going out!"
"I'm not supposed to go out without Jake," she protested.
"Which explains why I have a livid spook at my table! You should have called and told him!"
"I didn't want him to worry!"
"All you had to do was say that my guard was watching over us!"
"That wouldn't have been enough for him, he's Jake!"
"Coward!"
"Bitch!"
"Ladies!" Relena snarled, standing. Enough was enough; they looked as though they were about to hit the hair pulling stage. In the stillness that followed her interruption, she demanded, "Are you quite finished?"
Dorothy scowled mulishly. "No."
In response, she narrowed her eyes and took a step forward. "Then out."
Pale blue eyes flew wide and the heiress veritably skittered back out of the room. Turning to Olivia, Relena pointed after her. "Get her something decent to wear, and keep her from doing something stupid."
Olivia's scowl was a neat twin to Dorothy's. "My house," she reminded her.
Oh, so she wants to play authority games, does she? "My planet," she snapped, gesturing at the door more harshly, ignoring Mailin choking out a laugh from behind her. Honestly, it was ridiculous, but sometimes swaggering was the only way to make these women listen. "Go."
The other woman rolled her eyes… but went.
Spinning back around, she evaluated the rest of her people, debating what needed doing next. Mai and Lin were trying – and miserably failing – to look like they weren't running out of oxygen from containing laughter. Vaughn looked… shell-shocked. Mars appeared to be utterly fascinated by his breakfast; if anything else had been going on at the time, she might have actually believed he was lost in thought.
And Jake… Jake was seething. He looked tired too, and frustrated, which was something of an improvement, but the fury hadn't faded either. But then, the fact that Dorothy's capriciousness had managed to nearly send him over the edge was a blow as well. She'd realized he was upset, but he was evidently riding the line much more closely than she had imagined.
It was past time to do something about that. She had been hoping time and patience would resolve it, but if anything, he was getting worse. He needed time away from their damned traveling circus.
"You," she announced sharply, pointing at him, "are taking a vacation."
"You can't afford the time," he rebuffed immediately.
"Not we, you," she argued. "I don't know what has you so wound up, but you need to at least make a start on figuring it out, and it's become obvious that I am not helping." And God, but that little fact hurt; it was why she hadn't done this after his verbal assault on Hayden. She didn't want to think that he was beyond her ability to reach.
But then, it wasn't that it was beyond her ability, was it? It was that, for whatever reason – and some of the possible motives there were terrifying – he wasn't letting her. However, if he truly wanted to be pig-headed about this, then she would send him to people that would help.
"Mai and Lin together can cover your role for two weeks," she went on while he gave her a wide-eyed look, before he could think of a comeback. "I'll travel less, if at all. But you… you're going to go see your godson. I know you want to." They had been planning on visiting in two days, but this would work better; she had felt how relaxed he was in the Noin household.
"Lena-"
"Non-negotiable," she growled, slamming her hands down on the table and learning towards him with a glare. She was really sick of feeling like a single misstep near her would send him flying into another uncontrolled rage. She hated feeling like she had to constantly collar him to prevent an incident. This needed to stop before something they regretted happened.
More calmly, she continued. "You need to calm down and find your center again, Jake. You're…" Her words faltering, she let out a sigh and dropped her head for a moment before meeting his eyes again. "You are too important to me for me to allow you to break." Even if it's you that's hurting you. "I need you, so I need you to figure this out before you snap under the pressure."
I didn't want to do this. I wanted to be the one you came to. You're forcing my hand.
"So you are going to go and visit your godson, and do whatever else you think is necessary to move on, and come back to me whole." Tilting her head slightly and raising her brows without breaking her lock on his gaze, she asked, "Have I made myself clear?"
His mouth twitched in an aborted expression, though what that emotion was, she couldn't tell; his face was cold as ice, as blank as it had been during the attack in Brussels. "Understood."
oOo
oOo
August 15th 198 – Friday – Bolivia
The base was abandoned.
However much they'd that, it was a relief – at least, for the most part. After Hilde and Xutao's reports of survivors in Louisiana and Texas they hadn't been sure exactly what they would find here… but what they had seen since landing erased those hopes. South America had taken far more of the brunt of Libra's fall than North.
They had yet to come across a single sign of life in this twisted jungle turned tundra. Evidence of fires could be seen nearly everywhere they walked, though it seemed to be in fairly contained areas; this area had been so wet that it didn't burn easily, even if it was started by flaming, superheated pieces of space debris. They had seen more than a few craters as well; some small, but more ranging between three and twenty meters across, the ground in them glassy.
Though, to be fair, it was hard to tell how much of the slick surface was from meteor fall, and how much from the thick layers of ice that made up a decent chunk of the ground.
It was one thing to know that two entire continents were on the brink of extinction. It was another to stand in the middle of the remains of a scorched yet frigid rainforest, where even the trees free of char were black and withered, branches twisting into unnatural shapes. No green was visible, the canopy composed of bare, rotting wood… and no animals made a sound. The air smelled deeply of old decay.
It smelled like death here, old death… where no new life had started to take it over. It unnerved him more than he wanted to admit.
He had never been so glad that Dr. J had offered him a choice that included not following through with Operation Meteor. He had stopped caring about anything at all by that point… so much that he could have been party to this destruction. The Barton Foundation's plan to drop a colony on the planet and send the gundams in afterwards to eliminate any remaining resistance had a remarkable similarity to what Zechs had actually accomplished with Libra and the Regime. If Libra had fallen whole, it would have been more devastating than the original Operation M plans – causing a complete extinction – but as it was, what pieces of the battleship that had dropped probably effected the environment a little less than the fall of A0206 would have.
It was good to enter the pitch black of the powered down military base. In all reality, there wasn't enough sunlight filtering through the decomposing canopy to offer more than a dim glow, even in the middle of the afternoon. Indoors felt less wrong. Something deep in his gut wrenched at the scenery outside, and would probably drive most people to panic, or at least despair. Inside the base felt more like an abandoned resource satellite, or the disused service corridors deep in the bowels of a colony… a ship on its night cycle. While human instinct also tended to buck at such absolute darkness, those were instincts that anyone familiar with space had long since suppressed.
And it wasn't as though they had come without a light source. They just hadn't expected to need it outdoors as much as in.
Lucrezia relaxed visibly the deeper they ventured into the compound, and he found himself debating if it might be worthwhile to stay here for the night. Their ship was well hidden… and there appeared to be no scavengers left to worry about, for better or worse. It wouldn't take much effort to get the secondary generator working for some auxiliary power, if they wanted. This particular area had been hit so hard then evacuated so quickly that there might even be canned goods or other field rations left in the canteen. It would be worth checking out.
If he could get the auxiliary power on, he could also search through the old OZ databanks tonight, with full access, instead of collecting hard drives and hoping the pertinent information he wanted on his father was on what he took. This base had largely been used as a massive server. If any information on Odin had ever been collected, it would be here.
It had also seemed like such an ironically good hiding place that he had hidden two of Quatre's Zero drives inside the cases of the bulk of the computing hardware. After all, who thinks a tree is out of place in the middle of a forest?
"I think we should sleep here," he announced once they got the door to the mainframe open. "We're closer to the house I hid the next piece in from here; there might even be a vehicle we can use to speed things up." It would minimize, if not entirely eliminate, the need to make camp in the mockery of a forest surrounding them again; they'd done it last night, but he'd rather not repeat the experience if he could help it. Using an easier means of transportation hadn't been a legitimate consideration while originally planning because they had wanted to avoid drawing the attention of any survivors.
But survivors were no longer part of the equation.
Lucrezia let out a deep sigh, but nodded. "Sounds like a plan."
oOo
oOo
Khashuri, Georgia
"What's wrong?"
"Huh?" Marlé looked up from her materials, blinking in surprise at Quatre's frown. "Um, nothing…" Had she been looking all broody or something? Oops. She hadn't thought she had, but whatever. Better give him an excuse. Because she was so not telling him it was about her mom. "Just trying to make sure I do this part right," she told him, which really wasn't a lie. There were so many details to remember with making a legitimate-looking ID… It was no wonder Odin didn't bother to do it himself. You had to be, like, an artist for this stuff… and while Odin was awesome at most stuff, even his stick figures were lame.
Quatre, on the other hand, was an artist. And he was being patient enough to walk her through it as many times as she needed, and not annoyed when she messed something up. The first time she'd tried to apologize, he'd just smiled and told her he'd bought far more supplies than they could possibly need, and that it had taken him more than sixteen tries before he got his first card just right. He still slipped up sometimes, even, so it really wasn't a big deal.
He pursed his lips slightly, giving her that look that made her feel like he was looking into her soul or something, and she focused on her determination to mess up at least less than sixteen times. This was her twelfth… and Quatre had mostly been self-taught, right? So she should be able to do it, with him showing her how…
She really didn't want to think about the fact that she was missing her mom. Or that she felt bad about worrying her for not calling. Or that she was avoiding her because she felt guilty about it, which made her feel more guilty because she was avoiding her mom yelling at her…
He sat down across the table from her, giving her a skeptical look. "You've never been intimidated even once before that I've seen you." He frowned. "Or guilty." He reached over and took the half complete passport from her, eying it critically. "Not to mention, there isn't anything about this to feel bad about, so far." Setting it back in front of her, he added, "I already checked our supplies; you haven't taken anything extra or pulled some sort of prank, so I'm at a loss as to why you're swamped with shame, of all things."
Marlé blinked a few times, stunned… and frankly not sure whether or not she wanted to be annoyed that he'd basically hit the nail on the head in, like, five seconds. It was cool… but kinda on the eerie side. At least when it was her being all hysterical inside her head when she'd thought she was hiding it pretty well.
Odin, evidently, had had a point when he had plainly told her that she wouldn't be able to get anything past Quatre. She'd kinda assumed she had to be, like, doing something for that to come up, but… Huh.
Well, he's used to Odin, right? "I don't really feel like talking about it, if that's okay." He'd probably make her call her mom or something, and she wasn't ready for that; and she was getting the feeling that he'd know if she lied and said it was her colony's night cycle right now.
The Winner scion raised both brows again in a skeptical look before shaking his head and focusing back on his own work. They had quite a tidy sum of papers to fabricate, really. It would've been totally daunting if it hadn't also been a great way to learn. They weren't making them all for the same country or colony; Quatre had said he wanted a fairly random sample set, so they couldn't all be linked together, or to one source.
…How did he do that?
"You'd better pay attention to what you're doing, if you're going to beat my record," he chastised teasingly, not looking up.
Her eyes narrowed, and she pursed her lips as she tried to focus back on her work instead of Quatre. I'll figure it out…
oOo
oOo
Bolivia
Once the power was back on, the base was… practically homey. He was pretty sure that thought process was something that would earn him a horrified look from Marlé – empty military complexes didn't strike nostalgia into the hearts of many – but he couldn't deny the comfort of the familiar setting. It reminded him of his time as Dr. J's protégé, before the retraining. The complex they had claimed for the project had been far larger than their small group could think to use, and in turn it had become a sort of urban training ground when he was bored. Or an escape when he didn't feel like dealing with anyone. By the time the incident with the girl and her puppy happened, he had been under J's wing for more than five years – and the majority of the complex was had been his uncontested personal stomping grounds for two. He'd trapped too many areas for the others to dare venturing too deep, after a while. Anyone but J, at least.
I wonder if anyone's ventured in since. If they had, they likely became just as discouraged from intruding as J's staff… Which meant that in all likelihood, the things he had hidden were probably still there. He really hadn't cared by the time J had sent him to Earth in Wing, too set on not thinking, but… Come to think of it, it would be… nice, to have his old notebooks. And the wallet Odin had given him. The resources he'd scattered throughout the maze of rooms would be outdated, and he'd never held any particular attachment for most material items, but…
He couldn't remember why he had decided the notebooks ought to be kept safe, anymore. And he couldn't remember the details about the wallet either. The last passport Odin had given him had been with it too.
Lucrezia's question from the other night came to mind, and he frowned as he considered the possibility. That passport might have my real date of birth on it. He had only been… Seven? Eight? It would have made sense to keep his real age on his record for ease of memory, if he had been that young. The one he had procured for Marlé had hers. Too many people were born each day of each year to really make changing it a necessary worry.
It had been a different passport than usual that Odin had handed him for that trip, but he had been annoyed enough that day that he hadn't bothered even opening it and perusing the information like he usually did. The clerk they bought the tickets from had referred to him as 'Junior' when talking to Odin, and he hadn't thought much more of it beyond wondering why he'd bothered with a new ID when it had all the same information.
The urge to look at it now, after a full ten years, was surprisingly strong.
…Why not? Grinning a little to himself, he pulled out his phone and opened a text to Marlé. 'Next time we head to space, I want to stop in L1 for something.' It might be educational for her to try and find her way through his old traps. Some were more amateur than others.
Setting the device down again, he went back to making sure he hadn't missed any net-capable devices in his previous rough sweep. Access to the database here was great, but only so long as it remained offline for the rest of the world. The last thing he needed was for these servers to suddenly come online and at the Regime's fingertips – it could cause an incident interesting enough that someone might make the effort to trace it back to its source. Especially when it went back offline after a handful of hours. It would be best if no one ever had the idea that they had come here.
"We've hit the jackpot on canned soup, it looks like," Lucrezia announced as she came back into the room. Raising a brow at him, she added, "Over six different kinds. Do you have a preference?"
Odin shrugged. "Something different from you." Variety was good.
"I'll have you know I have perfectly good taste in soup," she noted in an amused tone as she sauntered back out.
"I asked you to pick, didn't I?" She just laughed in answer, and he grinned again to himself, wanting to finish before she came back.
By the time she returned with dinner, he had the system booting up and their sleeping mats stacked to make a softer surface to sit on. There was furniture somewhere, he imagined, but he didn't particularly feel like looking at the moment, and before long, this room would be the warmest in the building; there were too many active electronics for it to not be. Lucrezia had evidently found some degree of dishes in the kitchen, seeing as the food wasn't in the camp set they had brought. It was too bad that there was no easy way to secure running water too, but this was already more of a windfall than either of them had expected, really.
So long as they didn't venture outside, he could allow himself to forget the devastation lurking just behind closed doors. It would only be for a little while, but so long as there was nothing he could do about the situation, there was nothing wrong with escapism. It was only cowardice if you were backing away from responsibility.
oOo
oOo
"Here," Lucrezia offered as she passed where Odin sat in a lazy sort of sprawl between his open knapsack and the monitor/keyboard duo he had managed to dig up from somewhere for interfacing with the system directly. He took his bowl from her without actually looking up or even shifting his stature much, which made her grin, so she continued on to the impromptu camp bench he had made. "How long do you think it'll take to reach your secondary site if we have a vehicle?"
He made a thoughtful noise as he stood and made his way over to sit next to her. "Depending on the conditions, between three and eight hours. Were you able to get a weather report?"
"I did," she admitted, "But Howard point blank said it wasn't reliable. I hadn't looked into the details of Paraguay yet, but he said he'd keep updating it for me."
"The storm patterns in the area could be erratic even before the Fall," Odin agreed, blowing on a spoonful of his soup – some sort of tomato bisque – and taking a tentative sip. "It would be best if he could get a satellite view of the road, see if there are any obvious obstructions."
"I'll take care of that once I finish eating," she decided, taking a sip of her clam chowder, savoring the warmth of it as it slid down her throat. This place was… a nightmare. Creature comforts made a real difference, in situations like this. Closing her eyes, she asked, "Was there something in particular you wanted to raid the database for?"
She blinked as the weight in her hand shifted slightly, then frowned, a little dismayed, as she watched him bring a spoonful of chowder up to his mouth. "I have a handful of questions that might have answers in it," he noted after he swallowed, dipping his spoon back into his own bowl for more. Little tendrils of cream spread in the otherwise uniform red of the food. "It's only a chance," he continued. "But I won't know unless I look."
Lucrezia nodded in understanding even as she considered the streaks of crimson in her own soup. It wasn't much, but… it was still just wrong on some level. The thought was entirely silly of course, but…
…Tomato sauce did not go with New England clam chowder.
She watched with some detachment as he did it again, debating if the amount of trespassing soup was actually increasing or not. At least now I know the logic behind the choice set, she thought with some amusement. He intended to have both from the beginning. While rather arrogant and assuming on one level, however, the fact that he obviously thought it was a foregone conclusion likely meant that this was just normal for him… and it wasn't as though she hadn't been aware at this point that most of his social graces had been inherited from a twelve-year-old girl. The two of them probably always ate like this.
So while it intruded on her boundaries a bit, it was also communal and thoughtless enough to be endearing. She wasn't against sharing; she was just used to being asked first.
At the same time, though… "I really don't like my food to mix."
He appeared to think about that for a moment, looking at her bowl, before nodding and taking her spoon from her and carefully catching the traces of tomato up in it. Eating that, he handed it back to her before repeating the process in reverse with his own dish… then holding up a clean spoonful of bisque for her with a questioning expression.
…Oh, why not? Grinning a little, she leaned towards him and slurped it up. It was good… just not while in her chowder. Licking her lips, she asked, "Do I get to know about what you're trying to answer?"
He hummed a moment in thought about that before shrugging. "It probably depends on what I find." Smirking when she gave him a dubious look, he added, "I've gathered that you need to have a plan of action before you can reveal it."
While his honesty was as refreshing as ever, Lucrezia couldn't help but be a little disturbed by the growing realization that Heero had almost never made plans before arriving at Peacemillion; though that might be why he left such a damnably impressive wave of destruction in his wake. The fact that she kept learning how the man pulled nearly all his stunts with little to no forethought at all was… as daunting as it was inspiring.
"Hm, point, I suppose," she admitted, focusing back on her own bowl and lifting another spoonful out… only to have Odin casually lean over and eat it before she finished raising it. Snorting, she dropped it into the soup again and brought it to her mouth more quickly, glancing at him with her mouth full only to see him affecting to not notice at all… Then giving her another of those focused, contemplative looks when she looked away, only watching him through her peripheral vision.
…Oh really, now?
Excitement starting to bubble through her veins, she rather slowly took another spoonful, and when he didn't interrupt her again, she glanced back at him to see him giving her a terribly amused look as he calmly continued his own meal. She was opening her mouth to approach this a little more directly, amused herself, but-
"Little less conversation, little more action!"
Odin exhaled sharply, glowering in the direction of his phone, on the floor by his bag. "That confirms it," he noted in a resigned tone.
Lucrezia gave him a bemused look. "Confirms what?"
"She developed some kind of root access on my phone," he deadpanned. "I had it on vibrate."
…The implications were, as usual, both striking and entertaining. Trying to meld a broad grin into a gentle smile, she reached over and picked the device up, seeing as she was closer, looking to see what Marlé had texted.
'only if you show me how the hell you're keeping your phone online without a local relay'
She grinned, considering the message above it, and held it out for Odin to see. "As if she'd actually refuse to follow you somewhere," she noted idly.
He shrugged, taking the device and beginning to type back. "No, but since she's already mastered changing my settings from across the planet, she's ready to learn it."
He had a point, there. Grinning as she watched the message was typing, she took another bite of dinner.
'Stop hacking my phone all the time or we'll start survival training early.'
"I like the 'all the time' caveat."
He shrugged again, setting it back down on the floor and focusing on his bowl again. "If she doesn't try, she won't learn. I saw the potential for this when she designed the operating system, but I wasn't sure she saw it. As it is, it allows for more adaptability, and a few unusual emergency functions."
"Oh?"
"Certain words said aloud will call up an alarm and tracking information on the other phone," he admitted. "Others will start a recording of everything said thereafter, or immediately opens a connection between the two phones. It took us both some time to work out acceptably sensitive protocols, but we've done enough test runs that it seems solid." Beginning to eye her bowl, he added, "We'll never know until she has to activate one of the alerts in a real situation, but hopefully it will only be an overreaction."
Clever. Smiling a bit, she held up a full spoonful questioningly. "Your idea, or hers?"
He leaned towards her and took the spoon in his mouth, glancing up at her and pointedly watching for a reaction as he took a little too long to drink before retreating back out of her personal space. He swallowed and licked his lips with the same attention to her expression before saying, "Mine, initially, though she sorted out most of the contingencies. Open communication lines in the past could have…" He glanced to one side, expression melting back into something nearly melancholy. "…prevented tragedies."
Lucrezia resisted the urge to squirm, glad that he had broken his gaze. She didn't care if he and Marlé shared every meal they ever ate; there was nothing innocent in that teasing focus. When he came out of his ruminations and looked back in her direction, she was ready, already giving him a level look, though she couldn't help the hint of a smirk around her lips. I can tell what you're doing.
He only smirked back at her, continuing to meet her stare for stare, daring her to do something about it, as he raised another spoonful of bisque to his mouth.
oOo
oOo
August 16th 198 – Saturday – Nürnberg, Germany
"Hello!" Daniella chirped as the door opened.
The maid stared at her with huge eyes for a long moment, before pasting a large, if slightly panicked, smile on her face and ushering her inside, leading her to the sitting room…
Oh, it's going to be one of those days, isn't it? She very consciously did her clothes, hair, and make-up very differently than Relena, but sometimes people just didn't look at the details. Sometimes, they just panicked, then were so set on getting her comfortable that they wouldn't let her get a word in edgewise.
It was… embarrassing. For everyone involved.
She wasn't going to let something as silly as what she looked like stop her from doing a good job, though. With far more speed than she knew she was due – personally, she would have preferred to do her business through the main, not the head of household – Jayden Vail appeared with a worried expression, and Daniella, who hadn't bothered to sit, spun and gave him a bright smile. "I'm very sorry for the inconvenience, sir," she greeted. "I'm afraid I had something of a misunderstanding with the woman who answered the door."
He blinked at her… then began to smirk. Oh good, someone who does notice the details. Such as the fact that she was definitely too young to be the princess… though he was a man, so honestly, he might have noticed the fact that Relena had far more hip and bosom than the fifteen-year-old standing in front of him, instead of the differences in hair and clothes. "I think I can see why. Welcome to my house, Miss…?"
Not breaking her smile – men were men, after all – she pulled the sealed packet of documents she had for him out of her satchel. "Fonne," she introduced simply. "My Lady Darlian-Peacecraft asked me to deliver these to you, and ask that you look through them as soon as possible." Shifting the strap of her bag on her shoulder, she added, "She also said that she should be available by phone tomorrow afternoon, if you can get back to her by then."
"Of course," he agreed, considering the seal on the package, and looking back at her for a moment before smiling. "Can I get you something to drink while you're here?"
Daniella shook her head, patting her satchel. "I've other deliveries to make," she dismissed. "The car is waiting for me. Thank-you for the invitation, though."
"I understand," he returned genially, gesturing for her to follow him as he led her back to the front door. "If you don't mind my asking, do you perhaps have any Weridge blood? The resemblance is… stunning."
"My parents were colonial, and both their lines went back to North America two generations before that, so I doubt it," Daniella dismissed. "They say everyone has a twin out there, right?"
"I have heard the turn of phrase," he admitted. "I've never seen such a prime example of it, however, so you'll have to forgive my surprise."
"I get it a lot," she admitted with a smile as they reached the door. "So believe me, no offense taken. Besides," she winked, "there are worse people to be mistaken for."
He chuckled as he opened the door. "Indeed there are. Please let her know that I will endeavor to contact her at… four o'clock, tomorrow?"
Daniella ran the princess' schedule through her head quickly, then nodded. "That should work; I'll put it in the books for you."
"Excellent. Have a good day, Miss Fonne."
She offered him a wave as she ambled down the stoop. "You too!"
Not all of Romefeller was stuck up. Just a lot of them.
oOo
oOo
Paraguay
It was impossible to deny the sensuality of the situation. The fact that she was pointedly not acting like there was anything out of the ordinary going on frankly made it more so. That notion of conspiracy had drawn her back to Zechs time and again over the years, but this, at least, seemed altogether harmless. Boundaries were being tested… and unless she was grossly misreading him, Odin was in the same 'no comment' state of mind about it.
If she said anything, he would probably suggest a perfectly viable alternative. There had been several of those available. Instead, he had looked her up and down in a considering way… and asked her how well she could handle the motorcycle. Half the pleasure of the chill that followed had been from trying to hide her shiver.
There was probably something warped in her head, but this big secret that both of them were carefully tiptoeing around while casting each other knowing looks, dropping more hints, was enthralling.
Though his hands resting on her hips for balance while she drove the bike to their next destination weren't exactly turning her off.
It hadn't been like this in Europe… There had still been doubt there, and any motivation on her part had been a matter of simple curiosity. But coming over to this dead wasteland… Some part of her wondered if the evolution of their curiosity into this game was catalyzed by the deep need for a distraction from this place.
She couldn't exactly say she minded, though. She hadn't enjoyed herself this much since-
His hands slid down to her thighs as he leaned around her to look at the road ahead, and her thoughts sidetracked abruptly. After a moment, though, she licked her lips and found her train of thought again.
Honestly, she wasn't entirely sure she had ever been in this spot, emotionally. For all that chasing Zechs, teasing him, had often been thrilling, he had never teased back. He had never instigated anything… had pointedly been either distant or indifferent. That alone probably ought to have been a sign.
Well, the past is what it is. You made mistakes, you learned from them, and you did better with the next attempt. And seemingly by the hour, Odin was becoming a more intriguing possibility for the future.
It was worth seeing where it led, at any rate.
Her earpiece started in a tune for an incoming call, and she frowned, decelerating. While Odin had set up both their phones to maintain maximum function while in the American wasteland, very few people would know that she was available. Bringing the bike to a stop, she cut the engine and yanked off her helmet to tap the device. "Hello?"
"Lucrezia, hallelujah," Howard's voice announced, sounding anxious. "Listen, kid, where are you at right now?"
She frowned – giving him a precise answer would be difficult. "Why, what's going on?"
"Well, unless you're still in the forest, there's a hell of a storm heading up to where you said you'd be goin'."
She looked around. They were definitely out of the forest now, but she wasn't seeing any significant clouds. "What kind of storm?"
"Hurricane level wind speeds. I'd say you've got about an hour, but without something more exact, I can't say for sure."
"We've been out of the woods for maybe an hour, averaging at sixty miles an hour, headed southeast." Twisting, she frowned at Odin, who had pulled off his helmet too. "How far away are we?"
He thought for a moment before shaking his head. "Thirty, forty miles?"
"That might be close enough, then," Howard decided before she could reiterate what he had obviously overheard. "How sure is he?"
"Fairly, but not entirely," Noin returned immediately. "At our current speed though, it would take longer than thirty minutes to make it back to cover the way we came." Looking back to Odin, she confirmed, "You said it's a sort of manor house, right? Pretty isolated?" At his nod, she bit her lip; not much hope for cover any sooner, then.
The bike had proven to be the best choice for covering terrain in the end just because of the obstacles they'd come across in the road… She could up their speed on the straightaways, but not overall, so it wasn't a reliable way to shorten their timeline. At the same time, though, it should be within range, and she wasn't sure how long this storm might last… even before the Fall, Paraguay was known for them, and from what Howard had said, it only got worse with the weather changes. "Shit. We need to push it." Licking her lips, she jammed her helmet back on. "Thanks for the warning. If our reception holds, I'll let you know when we get to safety."
"You got it; and I won't hold my breath if you leave me out of the loop either, you know what you're doin'. It looks like it might keep up for a few days though, so watch out."
All the more reason to press on. "Thanks." She started the bike back up as the line disconnected, but didn't hit the gas it until she was sure Odin had settled himself again, flush against her back for better maneuverability. For the first time since this ride started, it didn't strike her as subtly sexual, for all that it certainly still felt good. "You're going to have to hang on tight," she muttered unnecessarily, focusing on the road and trying to let her mind fall into that mental zone where her reflexes piloted more than her conscious mind. She wanted all the speed she could manage without being stupid; the closer they got to Howard's deadline, the more interference they were like to get from the approaching winds.
"You say that like it's a bad thing," he noted dryly.
She laughed as she gunned it.
oOo
oOo
Khashuri, Georgia
Quatre idly considered Cory and Marlé as he waited for the pasta to cook, the two of them happily focused on… something, he couldn't actually see more than their heads from the kitchen. In all likelihood, it was to do with the phones again, since they were all taking a break from fabrication. In all reality, the papers ought to be done in a few more days – the kids both seemed to have a knack for it, and he wasn't sure whether to be proud or dismayed. He had assumed Odin would be done with his business before they were theirs, which, since it wasn't going to be the case after all, was something of a problem. While he wanted to move on as quickly as possible, to deliver their work and get up to space and find his sisters, he wasn't willing to bring the girl back to Adashia with him.
Suddenly terror, stark and fierce struck him, and he whipped around to focus on the children, immediately opening his senses to be less specific to analyze the threat… Nothing. Heart pounding from the sudden adrenaline, all he found was Marlé watching him over the back of the couch, her expression calculating, before she smirked… and all he sensed from her now was satisfaction. Looking inordinately pleased with herself, she offered him a silly little wave and plopped down to sit on the couch properly again, leaning towards Cory, head bent over whatever was in their laps.
Quatre narrowed his eyes, grasping the edge of the counter with both hands to help center himself. The little shit, he couldn't help but think disbelievingly. Never mind the how of her fiddling with her own emotions like that – for all he knew, it was a relatively simple process of focusing on memories – but she'd noticed enough to effectively catch him out. In all fairness, he'd accidentally handed her the information the yesterday when he had assumed his old friend had warned her about what he could do, but… However irritated he was for her scaring him like that for no reason, he couldn't help but be impressed as well.
What an appropriate set of emotions: she is Heero's apprentice. Shaking his head ruefully, he moved to check on lunch again. He hated it when the noodles overcooked…
oOo
oOo
Paraguay – Manor House
They made it in time, though it had started to feel a little close there… and it seemed like it was terribly wrong somehow… But at the same time…
There was something terribly badass about parking the military issue motorbike in the middle of a done up mansion foyer.
The estate had 'Romefeller' written all over it, and it looked as though its residents hadn't bothered to pack anything at all before evacuating. Then again, considering the location, this might have been more of a vacation house, and it might have been empty during the Fall. Either way, the place was… disgustingly decadent. Though she couldn't help but admire Odin's sense of irony when he pulled up a floorboard underneath the family safe to retrieve another of his hard drives.
It was almost disappointing to learn that safe cracking wasn't in the man's repertoire of skills. She knew enough theory to consider killing some time trying, but doubted she'd get anywhere with it. Ah well. However curious she was, it wasn't exactly a big deal. As it was, the house overall was almost like being in one of those expensive boutique malls, only without price tags. It even worked with her metaphor that most of it was gaudy, tasteless stuff that she'd be pointedly embarrassed to own. She would probably be terribly disappointed by the safe contents anyhow.
In any case, the estate had a better generator than the military base had had – didn't it figure – and while voice services were too spotty to be worthwhile, she was able to talk to the Sweepers through email. Howard had already indicated that it would be at least two days before the winds dropped back down to something approaching safe, but Odin had managed to get the water to run once he got the electricity on; there was probably a well on the premises.
So… In a lot of ways it was like an isolated, all expenses paid, luxury vacation – provided you ignored the howling wind. She wasn't sure why, given the natural climate of the area, but these people even had an indoor sauna. It almost made up for their inability to step a foot outside.
It still only took maybe six hours for her to get bored out of her mind. She was seriously debating trying to find a stethoscope and try and see if she could work out how to crack a safe just for lack of anything better to do, when she found what appeared to be an inventory list tucked in with a few cookbooks in one cabinet. It took her a moment to sort out what it was a list of, but…
Movies. It had probably been due to the remote nature of their location, but apparently the people who had owned this estate had kept their films locally, instead of through the net like most people did… And there were easily five hundred titles on the list. It can't be too hard to find the drive this is all stored on. It was probably close to one of the entertainment centers… Though she had no idea what the majority of these were about. All the same, though, it sounded like a half decent way to kill time.
Mm… Grinning a little, she pulled out her phone. The timing was hardly reliable, but texting was still working for the most part.
oOo
oOo
Khashuri, Georgia
"I see you."
Quatre looked across the table at Marlé's phone, faintly amused. Really, of all the things to have as a text noise… Shaking his head, he debated for a moment before reaching out and picking it up. Odin's apprentice had been getting a little stir crazy – evidently trying to figure him out had been the only thing keeping her still, and she'd rather bulldozed through that particular obstacle – and rather than put up with the increasing cabin fever, he'd told her to go show Cory the basics for parkour about an hour ago. After all, it wasn't like he'd be learning it from him… he only knew how to fall and rebound, and he'd drilled most of that into Cory before they left the Sahara. She'd happily insisted she could show him how to climb… and off they went.
In any case, it was easier to just have her get it out of her system, especially when the alternative was that her constantly shifting attention kept distracting him from getting anything done. Sliding the phone open to unlock its screen, he considered the message from… 'Lu'?
'What kind of movies does Odin like?'
He raised both brows. That's a rather good question. Before exposure to Marlé, Quatre wasn't sure his friend had ever watched a movie that wasn't educational in nature... Lu as in Lucrezia? Amused, he thought about it… before shrugging. It was the kind of comment the girl might very well make, after all.
'Why? Are you having a date night?' Snickering a little to himself, he set the phone back on the table and focused back on the passport he was nearly done with. He had no idea if she would respond to that… if she even got it in a timely manner, all things considered.
It was another twenty minutes before the phone again declared that it could see him, and there was a file attached. 'Maybe. Do me a favor and have Marlé look this over for anything he'd like when she realizes her phone's been stolen.'
He laughed outright at that, wondering what he'd done to give himself away, but hardly caring. 'No theft; she misplaced it. If she's not back in another 90 minutes, I'm going looking for her.' He'd call Cory, really, since the boy had practically glued the device to his hand… which, in retrospect, was probably why Marlé had decided to leave hers with him. No need to tell her that, though; for all that he was fairly sure he was talking to Noin, if he was avoiding letting her know he was alive, he hardly needed to tell her about the existence of his own atypical preteen.
Though Cory was technically a teenager, wasn't he?
After another long moment, he gave into his curiosity. 'I wouldn't have thought you'd be taking the time to enjoy a film over there.' It wasn't really his business, but weren't they in South America? Unless, of course, he's misinterpreted and 'Lu' wasn't Noin…
The response was almost immediate this time. 'Inclement weather conditions; have to find something to do before I start climbing the walls and Odin decides I'm a psycho. I'm guessing you don't know what he's into either, mystery man?'
He smirked. 'Are you sure he's ever seen a movie?'
Again, the response was fast. 'I heard tell that someone started dragging him into movie theaters and insisting overpriced candy was part of the experience. Not sure if there's been enough exposure for any sort of /taste/ to develop, though.'
Less than a minute later, while he was still debating if he wanted to say anything to that, came, 'If you're terribly bored without the twelve-year-old talking your ear off, you could ID at least a couple of the movies on that list I sent.'
Not long after that, 'Or not, really; I recognized a few, at least, and I'm pretty sure Odin's not going to come out of the bathroom for another hour, given half a choice.'
'…Hasn't it been almost four days since you had access to running water?' Odin had been doubtful there would be any access to it during their trip, but all the locations they were supposed to be hitting had been large complexes, so evidently he'd been able to get electricity back on. When a response didn't come back immediately, he shrugged and went back to his work… and had actually just finished when, forty-five minutes later, the phone went off again.
'Hush, you.'
He laughed at that, too, wondering if the response had taken so long because the weather had kept it from coming through right away, or if she had decided to monopolize a bathroom herself. 'I'll have Marlé text you when she gets back.'
oOo
oOo
Amsterdam, Netherlands – New Renew
Will sighed. "Alright, kid, what's wrong?"
Duo had been downright antsy the past day or so, and in an irritated way. He'd been hoping he'd bring it up himself, but at this point, just watching him was making him tired.
That, and he was bored. He was getting better, healing rather well, but he still wasn't allowed to do much more than read and talk to people. The fact that he was hanging out in the loft of the shop today instead of in the basement of the Den was a considerable improvement, what with sunlight being a wonderful thing, but that meant his only company was his son-in-law, who seemed like he was actively trying to stop himself from losing his temper about something.
Duo practically growled down at the case he had half pulled into his lap, then, seemingly out of nowhere, threw his screwdriver across the room, hard. Will tried not to jump, wondering if maybe he should have just let it lie after all, but his son just bowed his head and buried his hands in his hair. After a moment, he muttered, "They did it again in France."
Will frowned, not sure what 'it' would be, let alone who 'they' were. He was trying to be supportive, though, so he let out an understanding sort of, "Ah."
"There's nothing I can do about it," he went on, not looking up. "I can't go to France. I don't know anyone there that I'd trust to look into it. These assholes are just blowing up innocent people for shits and giggles and calling it a rebellion, and I don't know anything about them." Lifting his head so his hands cupped his cheeks instead, he stared out the far window. "My network is Amsterdam only… but what if they come here next? First Berlin, then Paris… We're a big enough political hotbed here to make a good target too. And if I don't know anything about them, I can't do anything about them, and if they come into my city, I'm not going to find out about it until it's too late."
And with that, he understood. "They're sure it's the same people who bombed Berlin?" he asked, even though he already knew Duo would have confirmed.
"Same style, same supplies. Regime let the information out, but I can tell just from the vids of the explosions themselves, not to mention it's the same stupid-ass political statement that came out with the Berlin bombing."
Will nodded, frowning. Duo was smart to avoid border hopping, in all reality; he wasn't all that recognizable, but it would only take one person, and he had recognized the kid immediately. Even if he found it an acceptable option to possibly get outed – which he knew the kid didn't – he had Melissa, Nolan, Amos, and the von Kolls to look out for.
…There wasn't anything he could do but wait and hope. No wonder he was wound up.
oOo
oOo
August 17th 198 – Sunday – Paraguay – Manor House
Lucrezia considered her reflection critically, turning to one side. The dress actually wasn't a bad fit. It wasn't extremely flattering, but it didn't look bad either… and she might just not be too impressed with it because frankly, she felt half naked without anything wrapped around her legs. She hadn't worn a skirt since she was maybe seventeen. The diamonds she had found in a jewelry box were a nice touch of flash in her ears, though… a bigger carat than she would have chosen herself, but again, they looked pretty good.
It was too bad none of the shoes in the house fit; some of them were rather cute. The women who had once lived here had all had much larger feet than her, though, so it was a wash… but still. Free stuff. You can't have everything, she mused to herself, spinning slightly to get an idea for how much the skirt might flare out when dancing.
After something of a movie marathon throughout the night, they had both passed out on the monolith of a couch in the main living room that frankly ought to count as a bed and slept until late afternoon. They had mixed things up for breakfast with the discovery of baked beans and canned peaches instead of just soup – she was never letting Odin attempt to meal plan again, after that – and he'd wandered somewhere in a westerly direction afterwards. With no better ideas, she'd decided to see if any of the closets were worth raiding… and while the lady of the house had apparently been nearly as wide as she was tall, there had been a daughter or mistress in a separate wing with a similar body type to her own. She had been a little taller, it looked like, but that was nothing that a good set of heels wouldn't fix.
…She almost liked the dress. Maybe if she pinned her hair up…
It took a few tries, but she eventually remembered how to use chopsticks to pull her hair into a messy bun. They were pretty too, with shiny bits of glitz dangling off the ends… Mine, she decided happily. The dress looked far more appropriate now, just with that little change… What would shoes do? Likely just as much. In any case, a pair of hair sticks fit in a saddlebag a lot easier than a ball gown.
Tilting her head at her reflection and watching the strands of shiny sway, she turned back to see if she could find a jewelry box in here as well. The ridiculously large studs she had put in were the only thing in the master bedroom she found that she wouldn't feel ridiculous wearing, but that might not be the case here.
oOo
oOo
Tivoli, Italy – Noin Household
"Are you sure you don't want any help?" Jake asked, feeling a little awkward.
"You are helping," Cassie assured him with a grin, flapping a hand at him in dismissal. "You just gave me my kitchen back for a few hours!"
He smiled a little, shifting the bundle of infant in his arms. So light… On some level, he was worried he would forget Lyle was even there, and drop him. Junior had seemed bigger than this… but then, he'd only been three at the time.
He sighed as something in his chest tightened. Everything seemed to happen this time of year… but there were beginnings as well as endings, right? 'Everything' encompassed the good too, maybe… hopefully. It did in this case, at least. "I'll come help you when he passes out," he noted, focusing on the child's face as he wormed his tongue around his mouth as though he didn't know how to work it.
He probably didn't, yet… He'd forgotten how few abilities were truly innate.
"No you won't!" Cassie scolded, giving him a glower that was more cute than anything. "My kitchen! You'll stay out unless you're invited, hear me? I've muses to look after, and they've been neglected for nearly a month!" Shaking her head, she added, "I've been going insane, sitting in bed all the time."
He grinned at that too, making a half-assed bow – considering how he kept his torso upright so as to not shift the baby, it was frankly more of a curtsy than anything – and made his way back to the living room.
He and Lu had met Cassandra Contreras in a coffee shop near the Lake Victoria base when they'd been thirteen. The place had been quite popular with the soldiers for one reason: the woman making the pastries had divine talent. Though the fact that she was a cute blonde with an extremely bouncy, flirtatious personality had probably helped too. The twenty-year-old baker had bonded rather quickly with Lu when his friend had brought in a sheaf of recipes for advice one day, and it hadn't been long before they were practically sisters… though that hadn't stopped Lu from beginning to carefully guide the other woman towards her father just two years later.
"Your mom," he told Lyle happily, "is a gourmet goddess. You're going to grow up spoiled rotten with quality food, and I'm going to visit all the time just to get her to feed me." The baby stared at him with a faint look of concentration, so he grinned and added, "And she'll even be happy about it."
"She always does insist that the way to a man's heart is his stomach," Des muttered dryly from the recliner. "That's hardly the reason I fell for her, but I'm not inclined to disagree either."
Jake grinned. "I imagine it helped, though."
"It certainly sweetened the deal," Des agreed with a grin.
The blonde man just rolled his eyes at the pun, moving to sit in another recliner. "She tell you what she's planning on conjuring in there?" he asked curiously. For all that Cassie hadn't baked professionally for almost six years, her skills certainly hadn't lapsed – they'd expanded. She took her duties as a housewife very seriously.
Not for the first time, he wished one of the houses in this neighborhood would go up for sale, so at some point he could claim this wonderful woman as a neighbor and mooch off her more regularly.
Then again, he'd have to settle down first.
"When I asked, I got a ramble about the butterscotch calling to her, before she went off on a handful of tangents," Des announced. "So, butterscotch is somehow involved… beyond that, she likes to surprise me, and I live to oblige." He fiddled with the book he'd been reading for a moment, before tilting his head back in the direction of his son. "Do you want me to take him?"
"He's fine," Jake denied, amused but happy at the man's constant level of attention. This was how a father was supposed to act… possessive and attentive. His uncle had always been there with him for everything, even idle thoughts that crossed his mind. He'd known when something was bothering him before Jake did, often as not.
As he grinned down at him again, Lyle gave him a big, gummy smile back and gurgled. Despite only being a few weeks old, his eyes had already darkened from baby blue to something approaching Cassie's vivid green.
If you turn out even half as cool as your sister, you've got it made, he couldn't help but think. Lu was about five kinds of perfect… Des made 'em good. And, of course, Cassie was certainly a winner. He'd probably grow up knowing more about cooking than most daughters did, but there wasn't anything wrong with that. When Lyle got around to looking for a girl to settle down with, he'd be able to win them over on that alone.
…He didn't think he'd make a bad father, someday. Nurture over nature, right? Well, minus the assassination aspect of his childhood. He had loved his uncle absolutely, but how he had thought of the things he had his sons do was just… beyond him. He hadn't understood the problem when he was younger, but he knew, now, that a large part of Jack's panic on being released from jail was finding out that his boys had committed murder without a second thought before turning five. He didn't think it had screwed him up beyond repair, but a lot of other stuff had happened since then…
He sighed again. It didn't seem to matter how well he understood that Jack had had entirely legitimate reasons for trying to take custody of them; he still couldn't make himself forgive it. Looking back, he knew he had shown all signs of budding sociopathy…
Hell, I still do. It had been Treize and Lu who had taught him to apply absolute morals to his actions and kept it from progressing irrevocably into the realm of psychosis. It would have been all too easy for him to become a monster, if those two hadn't stepped up to him and laid down boundaries with the same aplomb as Odin.
It had been that serene confidence that had drawn him to Lu… It had drawn him towards Treize too, but that had come after their alliance; initially, they had merely been convenient to each other's goals. Lu, though… she could stare down the barrel of a gun and sweetly smile even as she told him that if he didn't disappear the weapon in the next five seconds, she would fill his shoes with sand. When – after he'd blinked and obligingly put it away – she only offered him a piece of candy before asking for help with her homework, he'd decided he was in love.
For all that he'd eventually gotten over that, Lu would always hold a special place in his heart… Heh, one of his 'beloved', she'd termed it. One of the few people he would do literally anything for if she but breathed a hint of intention… and then she'd disappeared, and Relena had slowly slid into her place. Only, Relena wasn't dead set on someone else, the way Lu had been… But he couldn't let it happen; not when it was built on a foundation of lies.
He'd stopped breathing when he realized she was sending him away, before it had clicked that she really only meant for a short while, that she hadn't even wanted to do it but felt she had to…
He needed to get over this, let it fade away into the wind the way it had with Lu, or she would break him.
Focusing on the baby, he smiled again, though he knew it was weak with bitterness. At this rate, his chances of eventually settling down and having his own kid were looking dim. He wasn't an idiot; he was entirely aware that he had enough intimacy issues to remain as celibate as a priest his whole damn life. Someone had to make their way onto his list of beloved before he felt comfortable with uninvited touch… and in twenty-two years, only eight people had managed it. Three had been kin, so that practically didn't count, his mom and uncle had changed his diapers and he'd changed Junior's, Mariemaia had been much the same thing, so that left four… and only two them had ever caught his attention that way – one of which had no interest, while the other wasn't likely to think much of him in another month or two. If it even lasts that long.
Nurture over nature. His… Odin hadn't ever been able to stand anyone's company except that of his sister and her sons, as far as Jake could tell.
Still… I'm being melodramatic. He was only turning twenty-two in a few weeks, not fifty, and for all that he had doubted he would live to see twenty once upon a time, Lu had taught him to always plan for the future, no matter what. If you didn't ever look to the future, you stopped building one, and eventually, you might turn around and realize that everything you cared about had disappeared. If you didn't plan, you could wake up in the morning to find absolutely nothing left… and while that might not have bothered him when he'd been young enough to feel as though he had nothing to lose, losing the family he had taken for granted had taught him to take care. Everything you loved was a precious commodity that had to be protected… because if you didn't keep it from harm, then it was your own fault when the world shattered it.
Live for the present, but plan for the future. He did want a family someday, even if he had to adopt. But that was… a suboptimal idea. Kids were supposed to have a mom, even if plenty of people had proven they could get by without one. And contrary to common opinion, he didn't enjoy being alone; his problem was that it was fucking impossible to trust most people. The world was too fragile a place to trust blindly.
He wasn't willing to lower his standards on that; the key was figuring out how to make the process of building trust easier.
Des sighed, setting his book down in his lap. "Alright, I've had enough. Spit it out." When Jake only frowned at him, he elaborated. "You've been moping about here for the past four days. I was trying to wait you out, but that's obviously not going to work. So, now that Cass has skittered off, was there anything you wanted to talk about?"
Jake grimaced. "Did I mention this is a mandatory vacation?"
He only raised his eyebrows. "Smart girl; I'll have to call her periodically and ask her to issue those on a more regular basis."
Jake grimaced. "She was worried I was about to snap."
"Were you?" Des's tone was curious, nothing more.
He grimaced. "Maybe."
The older man shook his head, leaning back in his chair. "She's got her hooks in damn well, then, doesn't she?"
"Yes."
"Good." He sounded inordinately pleased with himself. "From what I've gathered, you'll be good for each other."
Jake sighed again. "It's not that easy."
"Only because you're intent on overcomplicating it," Des dismissed. "I can understand why, really, I do, and I'm not going to tell you to put your heart out on the line because I know you won't, even if that would be the easier route-"
"Easier?" Jake scoffed.
"Yes, easier. But anyway you're not going to do that, so frankly, you just have to wait it out. Worrying over the issue isn't going to get you anything, so lay off and focus on what you do have."
He closed his eyes. "I can't focus on it without wanting more," he admitted quietly.
"Well, that's because you're a greedy little son of a bitch," the other man informed him cheerfully. "You know, most men in your position would be ecstatic. I mean, really, a princess?"
Jake rolled his eyes again, cuddling the baby closer to his chest. Deciding to ignore that last comment, he asked something he'd been half wondering for a while. With all the talk of relationships… "How did you meet Sylvia?"
Des raised his brows at him as if to ask if he really had the nerve, before shrugging. "She was my secretary."
And I'm virtually Relena's. Great. "How chauvinistic of you," he offered.
And he laughed. "Oh, yeah, sure, blame the twenty something, not the cougar!"
He frowned. "What?"
Des laughed again. "Lucrezia's mom was a solid seven years older than me. I suppose thirty-four isn't exactly a cougar, but most women aren't too comfortable going after younger men for anything more than sport. Sylvia, though…" He sighed. "Lucrezia inherited all her svelte, huh? Let's leave it at that."
He looked sad, now, and Jake felt bad for bringing it up. "Sorry." Sylvia Noin had been overcome with cancer the same year Jack had won custody of him, and while Lu had said they'd known for almost two years that it was coming, death was never easy.
Des groaned as he stood, and moved over, holding his arms out for the baby. "Give him here, mm?" Smiling up at the boy as he held him aloft, he crooned, "You're going to be just like your mom too, huh? All fire and bounce?"
Jake smiled a little, sitting back and just watching to the man talk to his son as though he could understand the words, feeling a little something, at least, start to unwind in his chest.
Maybe Relena was right… He was beginning to feel a little calmer.
oOo
oOo
Paraguay – Manor House
There was nothing interesting in the house's databanks. Well, nothing that he hadn't already seen, anyhow. He hadn't really expected much, considering how little time had passed between his hiding his Zero drive here and Libra's Fall, but it had been something to do. At this point, the only actual activity that was coming to mind with any appeal was to come up with a code to stop Marlé from playing with his personal settings without upsetting the emergency functions, but he didn't want to start fiddling with that while she was so far away; even if Quatre would protect her, there were reasons they had built them in.
There was probably something worth consideration in the garage, but that portion of the building was the least stable; several garage doors had already been ripped open or off the structure entirely. There was a reason they had decided to park in the entrance hall.
He heard fabric rustle and turned away from the computer screen he was idly staring at, and blinked as he focused on Lucrezia. Hm.
She offered him a smile that bordered on a smirk before spinning in a small circle, allowing the skirt of the gown she wore to swirl and the jewelry in her ears and hair to sway and sparkle in a distracting fashion. "What do you think?" she asked, amusement clear in her voice. "Will it make a good souvenir?"
Souvenir? The thought hadn't occurred to him before, but he supposed he could appreciate the idea, so long as it was something that had a use. "It looks good," he admitted. He didn't know a thing about dresses, but she seemed happy with it; as far as he'd gathered, that was the relevant part. Though in his experience, usually when women dressed up, it meant… Holding up one finger in a 'wait' motion, he turned back to the computer quickly, pulling up the file he wanted and opening it.
A few moments later, Lucrezia let out one of her low chuckles as music began to play, and he grinned as he turned back around and closed the distance between them, offering her a hand. Grinning back at him, she took it, and he began to lead her in a waltz. The faintly floral scent he'd caught from her before this trip was replaced by something else that wasn't as enticing, but it wasn't unpleasant, either – she'd likely been sampling the perfumes as well as the closets. With her barefoot and him still in his boots, the top of her head was below his eyes, which was surprising despite the fact that he had never tried to compare their heights before now.
"What are you thinking about?" she asked, a smirk tugging at her mouth as the two of the moved smoothly around the room.
He smirked back at her, pulling her tighter to him than strictly required for the next turn. "How high were your heels at Sanc?"
She laughed, eyes glittering, as she declared, "My boots were a perfectly respectable three inches, I'll have you know."
He chuckled, perfectly aware, for once, that most women wouldn't consider three inches 'respectable'. Personally, he couldn't get past the idea of how uncomfortable such footwear must be. "I'm glad you don't do that anymore," he noted after a moment.
"Mm, too much effort," she agreed easily, smirking. "Running in them is really just a matter of practice, but jumping is something else." The idea alone made him want to grimace. "Besides," she added, a mischievous glint lighting up her eyes. "I met a few short guys that year that made me look about as harmless as a tame little pussycat." She winked at him, tossing her head slightly so the silver shining in her hair swayed. "I can't let someone smaller than me be more intimidating."
He smirked again. "How about someone younger?"
"You can't help that," she dismissed flippantly. Giving him a superior look, sidling a little closer than necessary for the dance so she was touching her chest to his, she decided, "I suppose I'll just have to let it slide, this time."
He had to struggle to keep his breath even with the motion, even as his feet steadily kept them moving. Is that an invitation, then? Looking down into eyes that had suddenly turned rather sultry, he hesitated only for a moment, continuing to spin her around the floor, before announcing, "I've been thinking about what you said, back in Italy." He had had an idea, and over the past several weeks, those emotions had only grown.
Her eyes appeared to lose their focus for a moment, before becoming amused again. "You've figured it out, hm?"
He felt his smirk tug a little wider. "Yes."
Her violet eyes danced. "And?"
She liked his honesty, his swift decisiveness, didn't she? She had certainly made it clear over the past few days that she had no intention of taking the initiative. Pleasure rushing through him, he slid the hand resting on her upper back to her neck and guided her lips to his.
oOo
oOo
August 20th 198 – Wednesday – Khashuri, Georgia
Quatre leaned against the building, slowly exhaling a plume of smoke. The heat felt good. The heat of the desert, the heat of the smoke… After Cambyses, he almost thought he'd never willingly stay someplace so warm again, but the heat meant other things, too. It was home, in a way, family; everything he had felt with the Maguanacs. And in any case the desert was always an oasis, compared to space.
He'd come out for some time to himself, to try to clear his head while his charges were distracted. The kids were inside, and managing a fairly good simulation of being just that at the moment. Cory was… buoyant.
The girl was good for him; he was going to have to keep that in mind. Whatever the reasons, Cory was his responsibility now, and the fact that Marlé had learned Cory's native Italian in grade school was helpful. Quatre hadn't actively tried quizzing her on more obscure languages, but she seemed at least passably fluent in three common ones. He was rather aware that he had only caught the boy's attention at the beginning for the same reason… but he hadn't imagined that it might be so easy for someone else to replicate. It suggested just how lonely he probably was, even with Quatre's company.
Then again, she was also about his age, intelligent, and very extroverted. He grinned as he raised his cigarette back to his lips. Those factors hold definite weight. She'd proven over the past week that she could be a conniving brat, but she had style too; he had to admit that. Watching the two interact was charming in a cliché way – especially considering the fact that Marlé was either oblivious or willfully ignoring that facet or their dynamics. Either way, her actions spoke rather strongly of her own benefactor's attitude. He hadn't gotten a clear answer as to how his friend had gotten the girl, but had at length decided that as long as he didn't care to talk about Cory's origins, he had no rights to hers.
In any case, she had a jarring ability to… normalize a situation. After effectively catching him using his empathy red-handed, she had shrugged off the strangeness and gone on like nothing had happened. She had… dismissed his abilities as typical, somehow. He was debating if that was something she had picked up from spending a year with Heero – highly debatable, considering his own experience – or if that was what had allowed the relationship to exist in the first place.
Tilting his head up to consider the sky as he blew out another gust of smoke, he admitted to himself that allowing that easygoing companionship to draw him further in might solve his questions without any requisite answers. He honestly wished he'd recognized that before starting, but… Well, it's not as though it's a bad direction. By what he could tell, he might have headed this way emotionally without assistance… and frankly, it was the healthiest of his options, in terms of mental state.
Acceptance without resignation… Indifference without apathy. He seemed to have largely settled into a very nonchalant ambivalence to his past actions… and he wasn't sure he could actually condone that, all things considered. It felt inherently wrong… but he also wasn't coming up with an option that wouldn't walk him hand in hand back to a breakdown. And breakdowns led to empathic blackouts.
He was, unfortunately, very aware of just what he was capable of in the event that he couldn't remember which direction his moral compass pointed. Before Cambyses, he had largely been willing to write it off as insanity in his bloodline. After… The only difference, he knew now, was in what was required to push a person to the state; what could cause that complete ethical shutdown. He could honestly say that he didn't even reach that point particularly easy; he had met far too many who broke with startling ease… even zeal.
The only difference between him and others was that he had had the drive and means to accomplish his goals.
Casually flicking ash down the alley, he tried to pinpoint how the effects could be diminished. The most obvious clue laid in his actions while in the anarchist group; he had actively done his best to mitigate damages according to his previous beliefs, even while he had refused to let himself acknowledge them. Some things were difficult to remember, given how deeply he had intentionally fractured his mind in order to do what was necessary – just like Zero would partition him – but he had kept too linear of a course for his actions to have simply been matters of random consequence. He remembered making key decisions… and remembered not knowing why he was doing what he was. It was important that he be believed insane… therefore he had developed a capricious persona to slide into. He had become it… but not entirely.
He remembered deciding how to achieve 'Robby', and he remembered resolving that it was critical to not retain that information. He may have never studied psychology, but he was fairly sure that that… wasn't supposed to work that way. It was too… machinated. Too… Zero.
Narrowing his eyes, he drew another breath of smoke into his lungs. He returned to that thought too often for comfort. The implications, if he were to consider the idea with any validity, would be stunning… and terrifying. The mind wasn't so simple as a program, even one with Zero's sheer complexity and processing power…
…so what if the System made it that simple? At least, to some degree – the human brain retained a degree of neuroplasticity, for all that the physical architecture of thoughts wasn't well understood.
Though it was far from the first time, he wished he had never known of the system's existence. It was out there now and he was past wishing the genie back into the bottle, but if he had never built Wing Zero-
No. He refused to wind himself down that path. If he allowed himself to play the 'What If' game, he could rationalize himself into anything. Blindly reaching out with a sense he had never been able to describe, he sank himself into Cory's content focus, Marlé's amused confidence…
A mother's hopeful longing, a child's frustration, another's misery, a source of blatant glee, a sense of conviction, a demand for attention, a bored curiosity, rage-
Recoiling, he focused back on the sweet smoke clouding his lungs at his reflexive inhale, on his heartbeat, loud and steady… drowning it all out… And carefully, reached down the familiar path for Cory again, to the exclusion of all else.
Content. Attention. Quiescent excitement. Calm. Present.
Leaning the whole of his weight against the wall, he focused on not thinking about the Others within reach. He didn't know anything about them… he couldn't know. Everything was contextual… It was impossible to know why they felt as they did, let alone what actions they might be taking… or not taking. Dropping the stub in his hand to the ground and crushing it under heel, he hurriedly tapped another out of the carton.
He didn't even know how far away they were, or which way. If experience had taught him anything, each of them might be in entirely different directions, at varying distances. He'd never figured out a way to gauge his range, in fair part because outside of a few very controlled circumstances, dwelling elsewhere was… Dangerous. At best.
Lighting up, he inhaled deeply, and focused on that content static he could instinctively tell was Cory. Marlé was starting to edge in on that the longer he focused… but that was fine. He could tolerate that much. Proximity, too, was a factor, even if he wasn't sure exactly how… So long as she was near his charge, it would take a ridiculous amount of effort to feel one and not the other; easier to allow the inclusion, so long as he was aware of its context. Of its safety.
He had come out here to sort out his thoughts without such a strong influence, however, so once the panic faded into the familiar, he withdrew back into the sanctity of his own sphere… which he could swear was buffered by the nicotine. Settling into the lethargy it allowed him, he tried to return to his actions in the Sahara… The reasons he had so ruthlessly drowned.
Did I understand I would be able to find them again?
…No. He had hoped, maybe. In the end, that hope had been dismissed as extraneous. He had been in survival mode; the actions had been necessary, and carried the least risk of irreconcilable consequences. The fact that there still might be acts done that he could not bear to live with had been neither here nor there – at a certain point, it had been a simple matter of statistics. He had taken care of his people as well as the situation allowed for…
…He had claimed people to preserve his mind for.
Perhaps that was the key.
oOo
oOo
August 23rd 198 – Saturday – Munich, Germany – Sarracenia
"Have you seen Mai?"
Relena looked up from her papers at Lin's question, shaking her head. "She tagged along with Dorothy and Olivia to the clubs last night; said something about wanting to see what all the fuss was about." Similar thoughts had begun circling her own head as well, to be honest, but…
It would be a terribly bad idea, really.
Lincoln snickered and dropped onto the couch next to her, glancing over the papers spread on the coffee table to get an idea for topics. "That explains the drunk texting at five this morning, then."
Five? She wasn't sure how late the girls usually stayed up when they went, exactly, but she was fairly sure that they didn't usually see sunrise from the wrong end. "Typhoon Marakesh on the scene," she announced wryly, even as she felt something in her chest sink. She really must have had fun, then.
Though, at the same time, that didn't necessarily mean she was missing out. Her translator had a talent for whirling people into all sorts of interesting deeds. Just last week, for example, she'd convinced Addie and Olivia to help her get a game of strip poker going. In the dining room. Without warning anyone not participating what was going on.
Relena hadn't quite been able to look Captain Derusha in the eye since.
"I suppose I should be grateful she didn't dial me as well," she noted after another moment, largely amused. "It leaves some hope that she didn't message half her contact list, at least."
"Well, it was definitely to me specifically, so I don't think she sent out any mass texts."
…She wasn't sure she wanted to know how he knew that. "You two are as thick as thieves," she said by way of agreement. "In any case, were you looking for her for any reason in particular?" Since Jake had left for Italy, Mai and Lin had been trading off on who took his place.
Her bodyguard shrugged a little uncomfortably. "Well, more the opposite, I suppose. You said you wanted to keep our looking into Mu a pretty exclusive topic, yeah?"
"Yes." She liked Mai well enough and was coming to trust her nearly as well as the others, but 'nearly' wouldn't cut it. The only people who knew she was investigating Mu were Lin and Dorothy. Maybe Mai would be brought into the fold later, but for now it was, as Lin put it, an exclusive topic. Dropping her paperwork into her lap, she focused on him. "Have you found something?"
Grimacing, he shook his head. "No, but it's been almost a month since you asked… I figured an update was due. Sorry, but…" He shrugged. "I can't really say anything one way or another. She hasn't done anything suspicious, but nothing that would eliminate it either."
Reaching over, she laid a hand on his shoulder. "Lin, I didn't expect this to be a fast process. We're trying to prove a negative, which is virtually impossible on its own; long-term surveillance is likely the only way we have a chance to turn up anything. A month isn't really all that long." Frowning a little at his miserable look, she asked, "How are you holding up?" Maybe she had been asking too much with this…
He blinked and lifted his head to meet her eyes, looking slightly startled. "Holding up? I don't…" He blinked a few more times, before grinning and shaking his head. "Oh, nah, I'm just hanging out with her, Lena, it's not like it's real espionage or anything. She's not someone I'd normally go so far out of my way for, but she's not bad company either." Shaking his head a little ruefully, he admitted, "No, if anything's bugging me, it's Jake… There's some weird shit going on with him, and it makes me feel like I'm waiting for the other shoe to drop, you know? Half of it, originally, was that I'm waiting for him to confront me on my focus on Mu, but that's kinda faded out by now… at least mostly. Really… I'm sorry, but that shit that Mitchell said just made me worry more."
He sighed, meeting her eyes again. "There's something they're not telling us, Lena… Something big. And until I figure out what it is, until we find out what the hell that fight of theirs was about, I'm not going to be able to stop looking over my shoulder."
She debated with herself for another long moment, before deciding it might as well be all or nothing. "Well, I have more to tell you, I think. Maybe we can finish putting the pieces together before it all crashes down on us, if I'm more open."
"You've gotten better than the colonel at secrets, Lena," her friend muttered, emerald eyes earnest. "I've known that for a while now, but I haven't gone running to him yet." Smiling a bit, he noted, "You know, he taught me that my loyalty ought to be to you before anyone else, even him… I wonder if he realized how well that one would stick."
"…He probably planned for it. Originally…" She swallowed, her lips suddenly dry. She'd known this for a while now, but saying it aloud… "Originally, I don't think he had any intention of staying, long-term. Everything he did was crafted for self-sufficiency; he's been setting you and Rome up as squad leaders almost from day one. All his early interactions with me were designed to build my efficiency or self-esteem…"
"But then you backfired on him," Lin finished, nodding. Grinning again, he pointed out, "You kinda have that effect on people, huh?"
She smiled at that too, the pressure around her eyes finally fading. "I suppose. Either way, though… I first wanted to look into Mu because of what Dorothy felt, but when I went back through all your personnel files… It wasn't obvious seeing each of you as you came, but after both sweeps and watching him train you all, it clicked. He didn't bring in anyone else who had strong loyalties in the past to any one person or nation. Aside from Mailin, everyone was low-ranking, all aspiring hopefuls with latent talent that he must have felt he could bring out… but even Mai, she stayed out of the war entirely."
Lin leaned back as he actually thought about that. "So you're saying he went out of his way to groom us… potentially for a new faction? Like, full Treize style?"
She grimaced. "That's the thing… The only point where that standard falls."
"What do you mean?"
"…What would you think, if Treize was still alive?"
Lincoln froze. For a long moment, he even stopped breathing.
"Lin?"
He shuddered hard, reaching his arms across his chest to grip his biceps. "That'd be… Lena, are you just grabbing at ideas, or do you know?"
She frowned, worried about him, but she'd already started. "I know."
He squeezed his eyes shut. "Lena… That throws a limelight on every… Fuck, the only reason Mitchell isn't suspected of foul play is because everyone knows Treize is dead. If he's not…" He licked his lips. "If he isn't, then everything Mitchell knows, Treize does too."
Her stomach dropped out on her. "It can't be such a given as that," she argued. "He dropped out of the war partway through. He's a Sanc citizen, and he went back while I was ruling."
"I'm telling you it is that straight forward," he hissed. "Miller might be all over the place, but Mitchell and fuck knows how many other guys in the Regime are and always have been utter Treize loyalists. We all know it, it just stopped mattering after Libra, because… fuck, Lena, how do you know?"
"Chang Wufei," she muttered, her voice dropping to match his. "He sent me a message, in June."
"You've been in contact with a gundam pilot?"
"More than one," she admitted.
He let out a hysterical giggle. "Shit… Lena, I should be learning from you, not Miller… How does that even work?"
"I'll go into the details another time," she snapped, suddenly feeling defensive about the fact that she had been going behind everyone's back when it came to her contact with Duo and Wufei. "Dorothy is the only other person who knows. The point I was getting at is that Mu did fight for Treize during the war. She's never been a pilot so she wasn't at Libra, but-"
"But Mitchell's the one who put her on our team, and in the end of the day, she's American as well as a known loyalist." Lin shook his head angrily. "Enough said."
"I trust Mitchell to mean me no harm," she half snarled at him.
"But do you trust him to not gossip like a damn schoolgirl?"
"…No."
Mouth setting in a firm line, her friend grasped his head with both hands. "Jake didn't want her, too… I can't decide if that's a point for or against him."
"She was a known loyalist-"
"And so was Mitchell," he hissed, eyes blazing as he glared up at her from his slouch. "So were half the guys on the original night crew. The guys that Mitchell claimed for the Strike Force when he split off, if you want to be specific."
She licked her lips; this was information that she hadn't had. "But not anyone in the current one? Besides Mu?"
He closed his eyes for a moment, thinking, before shaking his head. "No. No one else in the new set."
She let out a relieved breath, feeling like something had been achieved. "Well, that's-"
"It's equally damning," he interrupted. "Because it means he decided to clean house after he realized he wasn't going to move on, which means he knew. He knows, and he hasn't told you."
"Don't make assumptions before looking at everything," she hissed back.
"It's either that, or Mitchell slipped shit past him, which I really fucking doubt," he snapped back. "Jake's too sharp, too paranoid for that. He either turned a blind eye or he was in on it from the start."
"What if David's innocent?" she demanded. "I don't know where you're even pulling this from."
"If by some miracle of chance they're clear of this, which I don't believe for a second," Lin ground out, "then we're even more screwed. Because if both colonels don't know anything, then we have a snowball's chance in hell of finding anyone who does." He shook his head. "Their history, Lena… Damn it, Jake's admitted that he was Treize's favorite spook, as Olivia put it, before the gundams came down. I know for a fact that Jake thought White Fang was utter psychotic bullshit, but he was on the damn battleship as one of them… Doesn't that set off any alarm bells?"
…She hadn't ever thought too deeply about that, if she was honest. Now that it was brought up, though… "Espionage," she murmured after a moment. "We know he has a history in espionage, and as… as a spook…" Wet work, was what she had heard Mitchell call it once.
"Don't forget assassin."
"He wouldn't hurt me," she denied immediately.
Lin blinked, then shook his head in agreement. "No. No, you're right, not you… He doesn't do shit he believes is wrong, I know that's not part of his mask, and you…" He shook his head again. "You're you, and he's your colonel now, for better or worse."
He paused to lick his lips. "But Lena… Even if we go with the best option for Libra, it's still espionage… and for all our talk about how he used to be in espionage but is still paranoid as crazy?"
She picked it up immediately. "What if he never stopped?" she finished.
"Yeah." Her lieutenant sighed then, flopped back into his seat. "They're best friends too… Even if Jake thought Treize had died, initially, it's been three years. Jake was the one who vouched for Mitchell to get hired into the Regime, even. Dave would have told him, somewhere along the way."
"Which puts us back at either turning a blind eye, or being part of it," she agreed quietly. "But at the same time… What about the past two months?"
Lin stared up at the ceiling as he thought, and she took the time to roll it around her own head to see if any more answers shook loose. What she found was… well…
"The best case scenario," she began softly, "is that after the formation of the Strike Force, he wanted a clean break. Mitchell took the loyalists… and he was re-staffing without the influence."
"How pissed was he when he found out Mu got slipped in?" her friend asked tonelessly, still staring up.
Relena focused back on the memory, on the little points of irritation she'd seen in his body language around the American woman since. "Very. He tried to hide it, but… he was upset, and I don't think he's stopped being irritated about it, even now." She looked over and met his gaze. "He should have gotten over it by now and made her his own; she hasn't ever made any waves, and the only one besides her that he hasn't melded into the group is Carlisle."
"And his problem with Carlisle is with his discipline," Lin concurred. Sitting up again, he rubbed at his face. "I'm not sure I like where this is going any more than before."
"Because if he tried for that clean break and couldn't do it," Relena continued. "Then that means that his fight with Mitchell-"
"Is a damn good sign that he's on our side," he finished. "Shit… No wonder he's a wreck right now."
"If we're even on the right track," Relena pointed out. "Everything points this way, but what's to say we aren't missing something integral?"
He snorted. "I don't think it gets any bigger than the 'Treize lives' bomb, Lena."
"Which, if we're right, he doesn't want to be the one to drop on us."
"Well, it doesn't exactly look good, does it? What was it he was saying to Mitchell, about how the best case scenario meant he was the only one who was going to burn?"
"And David was just telling me that the best thing was just to accept him like I always do, no matter what," she murmured. "He was trying to tell Jake, before they fought, that it would be okay, that he was being all dramatic for no reason-"
"I wouldn't exactly call it no reason."
She grinned a bit at that. "Well, no, but… He was right, too."
Lin returned to his contemplation of the ceiling, for a long moment, before sighing. "Probably, yeah. If we actually know what we're talking about then… Fuck. Yeah, we really wouldn't burn him for it, would we?"
"No." She worried at her lip. "I think he needs to realize that, though."
"Yeah, I'm not starting that conversation. I like my skull without any cracks in it, thanks."
She grimaced at that. "Well, that too, but… I meant more emotionally. That's what he needs to move past this. Acceptance. So if we can get over this before it comes out… maybe he'll actually get past some of his issues."
"Yeah, because he'd totally maim a therapist," Lin noted, only half sarcastically. "That's what friends are for, right?"
Relena closed her eyes. "Let's just… give him some time. If this time of year is as big of an issue as David's making it out to be, then if he hasn't talked by October, I'll… do something."
"I seriously suggest writing him a letter. While at least five hours away."
She sighed. "I'll think about it. Hopefully, it won't come to that anyhow."
oOo
oOo
Then & Now
oOo
So, please tell me I'm not the only one going "Finally!" about at least one thing… possibly closer to three.
