Chapter Thirty-Six

Nick looked over and kissed Maris's auburn curls. She was sound asleep in the crook of his arm. He looked over in the dim room at the hastily discarded blonde wig.

He chuckled, "First time for a redhead and a blonde on the same night."

Nick stretched a bit and checked his pocket watch on the nightstand.

"I will let her sleep another hour before I get her back to Nate's. Don't really want this night to end."

He closed his eyes and scooched down closer in the bed pulling Maris closer to his bare chest and kissing the top of her head again. She made some soft sounds and leaned in closer. He smiled again thinking of the past few hours—-now etched in his soul.

—-&—

They made small talk until the porter brought up the wine and hors d'oeuvres that Nick ordered. He couldn't read Maris's mood for the first time in their relationship; she seemed nervous, preoccupied, and very uneasy. He poured her a glass of wine and she downed it. His eyes grew wide since she typically sipped and rarely finished a glass. He downed his too in solidarity.

She sat down in the armchair and pulled a paper out of her bag. She handed it to Nick and watched him carefully. He read it and finally understood the mood she had brought into the room. He was livid but did everything he could not to rage in front of Maris.

"Jarrod and Nate believe that the judge was compromised by JD."

"Yep, me too."

He paced for a few minutes gathering one of the many speeches he had rehearsed in his head. She watched him expressionless in his silence. Her eyes were wider than he had ever seen them.

"Maris, we knew this was a possibility. I won't stand in the way of you and your son. I will go back to Stockton. Or —-"

"Or what, Nicholas?"

"Hell Maris, there is no or. Just, we will figure this out. I know I should walk away but I can't."

He knelt at the chair. His head was near her lap.

She reached out her hands to him, "Nicholas, I have nothing but you. My son is almost a man. He adores you. Nate and Jarrod truly believe if I were to grovel and go back, which I won't do—he will keep me a prisoner or if I speak my own mind again, be committed to a sanitarium."

"I wouldn't let him do that. Maris, I would kill him."

"I wouldn't want that. Nicholas, I want you. I do know we have to wait to wed if I am to try for visitation. If he takes him out of state—-or the country?"

"I would wait years for you, Maris. Even if I was eighty years old, I would marry you leaning on my cane."

She laughed for the first time and ran her fingers through his thick hair, "Let's hope it doesn't come to that."

He laughed heartily at that.

"Nicholas, 'whatever our souls are made of, yours and mine are the same'. That's from Wuthering Heights. I read it again this month and underlined some quotes. I stored them in my heart. I shan't have a coward's soul any longer. You have given me courage and opened my eyes—-and my body and soul to you. I don't want to live like this anymore. We aren't going to live like this anymore."

He was following her words until the last few, "Maris?" He hardly could breathe thinking she was ending their relationship.

She stood up and pulled his hands up to stand in front of her. She reached up and kissed him deeply. His body responded and he was holding her tightly. She could feel his desire upon her belly. She leaned in more trying to feel as close to him as she could. She was terrified of using the speech she had in her head and had rehearsed all week.

He tried to pull back in propriety and seemliness. She didn't allow him.

"Maris? We need to slow down," he whispered with regret.

She shook her head no, "Nicholas, please. I want this,"

He could not have been more surprised.

"Honey, I know it's been a shock and a rough day," he whispered and kissed the top of her head pulling away. She still held on tight and whispered into his chest.

"I have been thinking about this for days. I can't sleep well, uh oh, since this—last night and the nights before—- " she murmured.

She took his hand from her shoulders and brought it to her bodice as he had done each night of this week. "This—"

He couldn't help himself and he caressed her with more passion than he planned. All week he had taken the liberty of touching her décolleté. He justified it to himself that they would be married soon—-A louder sigh escaped her. He began making his way with his lips from her ear to her bosom. She arched her body as much as possible to give him access. He unlaced the top of her dress and began on her simple corset. His large hands fumbled with the delicate laces. She pulled back from his kiss and led him backward to the bed. She sat down and made direct eye contact with him. His eyes were darkened with lust and at the same time, trying to show restraint. She slowly unlaced her corset and relaxed the ribbons that held the top of her dress together. The dress split in two. She was completely exposed. She never took her eyes off him. He responded with kisses and suckling. They were both breathless and lost in the moment.

Nick finally pulled away and the disappointment in her eyes was evident.

"Honey, I can't take advantage of you."

"You aren't. I am asking. It is my choice."

He cocked his head taking a deep breath still looking at her exposed chest with appreciation.

She continued, "I came here to give myself to you. I don't want to wait. You have given me the freedom to choose you, now. A year is too long. Even another week. Please, Nicholas, let me choose this. I won't regret it, I promise."

He pulled up and stood above her, "Maris, if we do this, I cannot go back to not—-uh, choosing you. Once we cross this bridge, we are together until we die."

She gave him a soft smile and shivered, "Swans—-"

He turned his head and looked at her intently, "Swans?"

"They mate for life."

He gave her a smile of a made-up mind.

"Mare," he leaned over and pulled the twisted chain from her sleeves. He untwisted it, ran his palms over her bust, and took the ring from the chain, "I need to put this back on your finger if—-before we, uh," His breathing was labored and deep.

She kissed her finger and placed it on his lips. She put her left hand outstretched and he placed his ring back on her finger. She smiled seductively and he unbuttoned his shirt.

"Let me. I want to learn, remember?"

He moaned and lost himself in Maris twice. They slept entwined for several hours until they found each other again.