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Chapter 7
Time to process
Tobias' POV
Flashback
11 years ago
I take a deep breath, trying to relax my every nerve that seems to be awake tonight. I check my watch, eight o'clock on the dot, just like Tris and I agreed. My eyes are glued to the entrance of the school parking lot, wishing that she would appear already. I straighten up a little more, fixing my clothes, trying to look less tense than I feel. I glanced back into my car, the rose I got her still laying on the seat that's soon to be occupied.
We both agreed the other night in her kitchen that we would keep us a secret. No one needs to know about us. A part of me worries about why it was so easy for her to agree to such a secret. Is it me? Is she ashamed of me? Our age differences. Two years isn't that big of a whopping difference… I know my reasons for needing to keep Tris in the shadows. It's more to keep her protected from Marcus. The thought of him anywhere near her, or even having a say on whether or not I should be dating such a girl… boils my blood. He won't get near her. I won't allow that to happen, over my dead fucking body. The other night when Tris and I agreed to this, I made a promise to myself that I would do everything that I needed to do to keep her safe from Marcus. I meant it.
"Hey," Tris breathlessly says, from behind me. I was suddenly surprised that she came in through the back of the parking lot vs the front. The parking lot isn't well lit and neither are the woods that she came out of.
"You walked here… Through the woods?" I ask, concerned. I don't want her putting herself in danger to see me. Especially me.
"How else did you think I would get here? It's a shortcut," She laughs out.
"I just…" I scratch the back of my neck, not wanting to come off as controlling or creepy.
"I'm tougher than I look. I can take care of myself." She says, teasingly. Although I know she is tough for her own good, I also remember how we ended up kissing in her kitchen the other night. After that good for nothing son of a bitch, hurt her.
"I never said you couldn't." I agree with her quickly. I've known Tris long enough to know that she hates to look weak in anyone's eyes. No matter what the reason is. "I just don't want you putting yourself in any unnecessary danger. That's all," I point out, honestly. Because in my eyes, she is too important to have something happen to her. Not for me, no, never for me.
"Let me be the one to decide that…" She smiles as she takes a step closer to me, her eyes glancing between both my eyes and my lips. I take it as an invitation, I bend just slightly down enough to gently touch her sweet lips with my own. My body relaxes into her the second our lips connect. Tris reaches behind my neck, pulling me closer to her. I don't deny her, wanting more of her, but knowing more can never happen. No, I can never let things get that out of hand with her. I need to protect Tris, even from me.
"Where are we?" Tris asks, nervously laughing as I slow the car down to a stop in the middle of nowhere. I laugh, asking her to trust me. We both agreed to stay out of the public eye when we are us. I instantly thought of just the right place. A place that could just be ours, a place where we can be free to be us.
Years ago, Zeke and I found this place, although he has been out here a few times with a few random girls… He hasn't been out here lately. Some story about him, some Maria chick and a squirrel kept him from coming back out here.
I help Tris out of the car, taking her right hand and I guide her through the trees. We don't walk for long before we begin to hear the water violently hitting the rocks below. Tris' eyes crease together, confused about her surroundings and where we are.
"Zeke and I found this place years ago," I begin explaining, I hold on tight to Tris' hand as I guide her through the high rocks. I stop at my favorite flat rock, taking a seat while I pull Tris towards me. She takes it as a welcome invitation as she sits on my lap. "It's been a sanctuary for me over the years. A place for me to escape when things hit the fan at home."
"Does that happen often?" She asked.
"Yeah," I answer, looking down at our joined hands. "Now this can be our place," I say, a little more forcefully than I had to, trying to clear the frog in my throat.
"How bad?" She asks, releasing my hand and reaching for my face. Everything inside of me yells at myself. I can't tell her the truth. She doesn't need that shit in her head. Not to mention the kick puppy dog look she will look at me with. A look I have seen on dozens of others since my mom died. A look that I know I won't be able to stand on Tris' face. "It's okay." She speaks. "You don't have to tell me… Just know I'm here." She says, her voice gentle. I press my lips together to keep from yelling out, I nod instead look anywhere but her.
We spend the rest of the night talking about everything and nothing at the same time. Things like what Colleges we want to go to, if and where either one of us would like to move to, if either one of us would ever marry or have kids.
Tris' dreams are pretty simple really. She dreams of the day where she can be a baker, have three kids, a husband to come home to and a house to call home and to build a life in. I listen intensively, wishing I could somehow be that man that she will one day come home to. I feel a ping in my stomach, knowing damn well that the odds are against my favor. I'm nothing close to being worthy of her and any innocent kids she will bring into this world. Fear has always run that part of me, the part that I might cause any harm against an innocent person that I love. The fear of becoming my father. I couldn't bring myself to come out with the truth or anything that would be close to it. So instead, I just nodded and listened to her dreams open heartedly. Promising to myself that with or without me, all her dreams would come true.
Tobias' POV
Present Day
I drag my feet, hauling in the folded empty boxes into Marcus' house. Leaning the large pile against the wall. I let out a long breath, just looking down at them. I arranged for all the furniture to be donated to charity, along with anything that would be in boxes in a few days. If we were any other normal family, I could have arranged for them to pack up the house along with it. Trusting them to hand over anything that would seem important. If we were any normal family… I guess in the end that was too much to ask. I was uneasy with the thought of just anyone going through every corner of this house, only god knows what they would find. I shudder to think of my father's belt still hanging in his closet, my dried-up blood staining the leather. I wouldn't care what people thought of him. Most knew that he was a monster at heart. Most saw that at his funeral with that stupid "last wishes speech." But the thought of people finding out what true, dark secrets lay in this house…. The kicked puppy dog faces I would receive if they ever found out… No. That can't happen, especially not now.
I begin in the easiest room in the house. The room where most white lies were displayed. The lies that told a story of a happier family… The living room. I set up two boxes, one labeled donation and one for trash. I take the time to separate the fake photos from their frames and throw the pictures into the trash box, and then place the frame into the donation box. It's a tedious task but it keeps me occupied.
I stop short when I come across one of my first baby pictures in a dark brown frame. I look at the picture carefully, staring at my mother and the baby in her arms. I can't help but think of Tris. Asking myself millions of questions that I may never get answered. How soon did Tris find out she was pregnant after I left? Was it a hard pregnancy? Who was there when she gave birth? I think of the things I have missed, the moments that a normal parent would cherish. Moments like her first word, her first steps, the first time she sat up, her first tooth… I've missed so much. For a second I worry that I may miss what little moments I can still have with my daughter. With Tris.
I haven't reached out to Tris since I ran into her two days ago. I'm such a fucking coward. I plan to reach out, to try to figure things out. But the fear of rejection, that maybe Tris and our little girl would be better off without me…Stops me. I know they don't deserve this shit. This is my burden that I have carried around with me since my mother's so-called death when I was nine and when my father turned the belt on me.
A knock on the front door startles me. I can't remember the last time that damn doorbell ever rang. No one close to me ever dared to knock on this door and I wasn't expecting anyone. I place the picture of my mother and me down as I move towards the front door. I hear them before I see them.
"Four, hurry up man…. We're hungry!" I hear Uriah, hollering from the other side of the door.
"Shut up, bro." Zeke yells back. I reach the door, swinging it open as I see Zeke on his last nerve.
I'm surprised to see both Uriah and Zeke both standing at the front door, they each have their hands full with what appears to be chips, pizza, beer and tequila.
"What are you guys doing here?" I ask, borderline annoyed at their presence.
"Well, I saw the lights were on and boxes out front….
"Plus, we saw you carrying boxes in here." Uriah says, interrupting Zeke.
"We thought you would probably need some help… And some company." Zeke chimes in, gesturing towards the pizza and beer. For the longest second, we all just stare at each other. Zeke and I haven't spoken to each other since the other night at the gym. Ending the night in a crossroads. So I know that this gesture isn't just about company, pizza, and help…It's about calling a truce for now. I nod my head, opening the door wider for them to pass through. I gesture towards the living room. We all avoid for now the elephant in the room, calling a truce once and for all.
So what room should we tackle first?" Uriah asks, when the pizza finally runs out.
"The whole house has to be done… Packed up," I confess.
"Looks like you started here." Zeke notices the boxes that are labeled. "Trash?" He asks, lifting the pictures out of the box that is labeled "trash." I nod, not needing to go into details on why such a thing would be worthy of such a name. Zeke nods, dropping the pictures where they belong. "Alrighty then. Let's get to it." Zeke says. We all stand from the couch, we silently move around the room, getting down to business. Uriah prepares more boxes and labels them as Zeke and I both work through the room, packing up lamps, candles and decor items. We make sure to check each piece of furniture in and out. You can never be too careful when it comes to Marcus. We move through the house in sequence, first to the kitchen, then the everyday dining room, and then to the larger dining room. We load the living room with countless boxes for donations, only ending with two small boxes for the trash or even better the shredder.
I feel disappointment dreading on me as we finish the first floor of Marcus' house. I had no idea what I would find in this house… Other than the fake lies and the truths to destroy. But I guess part of me thought I would find something about Tris and our daughter. Something that tells me why he rushed me out of town out of nowhere and now years later I have a kid that I never knew about. Did he know? Was that the reason? I wouldn't put it past Marcus if he knew. It does sound like something he would do.
"I'll get started in the bathroom." Uriah offers, walking towards my father's master bathroom. Zeke and I both turned awkwardly towards my father's room. I take a deep breath, hoping no one finds anything too uncomfortable. Zeke starts in my father's dresser as I move into the ensuite that my father used as his office. I begin at the desk, opening drawers and pulling piece after piece of papers and office supplies. I throw each file into the trash box. Knowing damn well that by the end of this… Everyone's darkest secret that Marcus used against them will be destroyed. Now no one but themselves are in charge of their lives. I stop dead cold when I come across a certain file with the name Beatrice Prior on it. My blood turns cold, as I dare to open the file. I read page after page taking it all in. It's all here. Tris' life for the past nine years, down to a copy of the blood work she did when she found out she was pregnant. He knew. He knew everything and kept me in the dark. All these years. All this time… He kept me away. Knowing exactly what buttons to push to make sure I obeyed.
My eyes linger for a moment on the copy of my daughter's birth certificate, Emily Marie Prior. She was born May 23, 2015, at 11:17 in the morning. She was 6 pounds and 4 ounces and 19 inches long. The next page was a certified D.N.A. test, proving that Tris and I are both the biological parents of Emily Marie Prior. I'm surprised when I turn to the next page and find a support agreement. I remember back to the large bank transfers that were for Tris all along. My blood runs cold thinking of the possibility that all this time Marcus has had access to my daughter. The horrors that he may have afflicted on my little girl. I shake the feeling off as quickly as it comes. No, I don't believe that. Tris was and is too smart to let that happen. I may not have told her every detail about what happened in this house long ago… But I do remember telling her that shit hit the fan more often than most in this damn house.
I continue to flip through page after page of normal pediatrician checkups, report cards, yearly school photos and many other photos of Emily throughout the years. I notice that each one, other than the ones that were taken for the school yearbook, were taken from a distance. It reminds me of pictures that are taken by an investigator. All black and white, no posing, they never knew that they were being photographed.
My blood boils beyond anything I have ever felt before as thousands of thoughts run through my mind. All those years I have lost with my daughter and Tris. He knew. He fucking kept tabs on them like they were his pawns.
I think back to the countless lessons I had to put up with. Lessons that he taught about being selfless, forgetting myself, and etc. All along he was the selfish one. Having his liquor, his prostitutes and his secrets.
Suddenly it's all too much for me to handle. I place Tris' file on the desk, feeling the room begin to slowly spin around me in flames. That son of a bitch. I see nothing but red. I grab the nearest thing next to me, throwing it against the wall. I turn around, grabbing his happy photos. All lies. That's all he knew how to do, tell lies. I continue to lose myself, not caring what breaks. I hear a voice behind me, calling for me. But I don't care, I can't stop. All these goddamn years…A hand on my shoulder finally gets me to a stop.
"Four, man take a breath." Zeke says, breathlessly.
"He knew… He fucking knew. He didn't tell me," I blurt out, slamming the last photo frame in my hand against the floor. "I didn't understand why he wanted me gone so badly. But he fucking knew." For a moment my mind thinks about the what if's… What if Tris didn't get pregnant? Would he still have made me leave? Would Tris and I have had the life we wanted? The life we planned.
"About Emily?" He asks, catching on.
"All this time…" I continue ranting, slowly running out of things to destroy. "He knew everything there was about her. Keeping her at arm's length from me. And for what?" I shout. My hands coming up empty to destroy something.
"Um, did I miss something?" Uriah chimes in from the entryway between the master bath and the bedroom. He is completely confused, his hands up surrendering to an invisible threat.
"Shut up, Uriah." Zeke says, his voice sounding more exhausted than anything else suddenly. It's when I get a good look at my so-called best friend… Whatever has gone on since I left, has aged him. "I think it's time… We had a real chat about everything."
A/N
Finally getting down to business, once and for all.
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Revised by: FDFobsessed
Like always, happy reading, be safe and stay healthy.
Trini
