2. Desperate Decision

Lee Somin

Somin prayed for the rest of the day to disappear while she put herself together in the cold, dark bathroom. The space was clearly in need of reconstruction.

She stood above a cracked porcelain sink, shaking the water out of her cupped hands as she held in sobs. The smeared mirror showed a pathetic girl, face soaked in tears, chest heaving.

The first stream of tears was the hardest to overcome. Distress shook her body as she sobbed uncontrollably. Snot mixed with saliva as the miserable girl wailed in desperation, holding one palm tightly over her mouth to muffle her cries, hoping she would not attract unwanted attention. These episodes weren't new for her, but the broken heart was.

I'm such an awful crier.

One after another each sentence in her head pulled her down more, taking her deeper and deeper into despair.

What the hell am I doing here?

She thought back to the day when Cholsu had brought it up.

...

The strong boy sat in the high school dorm room where utilitarian furniture smelled like disinfectant. Somin´s table bent under the weight of papers, sketches, and art books with many colorful bookmarks, all open on top of each other. Pencils in various stages of use were sorted by color nearby.

It was late afternoon, and the sun shone a dim orange, lighting up the space. Her table was in the back near the window, next to her small bed where white stars decorated dark blue sheets. One scratched night table kept it all company and a shabby old shelf looming above her bed was full of her books, threatening to collapse. Two beds on the other side reminded her of the two girls who were somewhere outside, busy, living their teenage lives.

"If you want to hang out more, you have to apply or I won't have much time for you anymore." No emotions showed in the stark sculptor´s voice.

Just a fact, a bare statement. Cholsu sat sprawled on a squeaking chair, mocking her as he swayed back and forth while Somin frantically started searching for the application process online. Overwhelmed with fear of losing her first love, she didn't think before she acted.

"It's way different from high school, you know?" he started to explain, loving the sound of his voice.

"I myself was quite surprised, leaving that friendly environment behind," he kept going.

Pointing out that they had the same starting point, as he did study at the same high school as she did.

"Nobody will hold your hand and endlessly praise the mediocre work you do here." His words were serious and cold.

Somin turned her head away from the browser in fear, "I´ll have you there," she tried.

"It's not enough," he said and swayed more on his chair. "It's a different type of competition out there. You're competing not only with others but with the teachers too. At university, you´re seriously stepping up to carve your footprint in the field," he raised a brow at her.

"High school—it's like kindergarten. You see like-minded kids for the first time, you learn how to work collectively," he started his analogy.

"Bachelor studies is like first grade except you have to already be able to solve equations and write in calligraphy," he finished.

"That's insane," Somin breathed out.

"Your style and persona have to be strong enough to cut through the egomaniacs that´ll be your classmates, otherwise they will devour you and spit the bones up," he looked at his hands, loving to monologue, having the most attentive listener he would ever have.

"It can't be that bad," Somin said, hoping he was toying with her as she downloaded the application documents to her pc.

"We had girls drop out purely from the pressure and the tough critique." He looked her in the eye.

"I´m dealing with yours," she said proudly, knowing well, that his critique was the hardest.

"Somin, I´m still too considerate with you," he said and she shivered.

"Maybe I´ll make friends," she smiled, trying to hold on to the only positive perspective she could think of.

"That's the best joke I've heard in ages," Cholsu laughed.

"There are people who have known each other for years, coming from the same prestigious school. I myself wasn't able to cross those walls. Not to mention the ones who have rich, strong family names behind or insane levels of talent," he paused.

"What's your point?" She asked hesitantly.

"You´ll be lucky if nobody bullies you. You're not exactly the star everybody wants to make acquaintances with," he said harshly.

"That hurts," she said, painting in her eyes.

"Better than sugar coating anything," he measured her with his stare, "Still wanna apply?"

"Yes," she whispered.

I'll show you Cholsu-ah love, I will get in. Somin promised herself, hanging on to a string of his scarce love for her for dear life.

"But Somin-ah, I can't say if you'll even be able to go through the first round," the voice cut through the air after a while.

...

Did he think so little of my talent? Somin wondered while tears dripped from her cheeks.

It hurt so much to think about. She couldn't let herself think about it—look what happened when she did. More so than the notion that he maybe never loved her the way she'd thought he did.

Meeting Cholsu so early in her studies had a profound impact not only on her nonexistent social life but on the work ethic she´d established solely for him.

...

😳 Author's corner 😊

This chapter really brought up some sour memories.

🎨 Have you ever dated an artist or an overly ambitious person🎨

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🎨Illustrations of each chapter are available on my Wattpad acc, AO3 acc -klubickoArt🎨