10. Bathroom Philosophy

Lee Somin

Somin cried quietly on her way back to the dorm. Homesickness wasn't adding anything good to her general mood.

I want to go back home. She thought, not ready to take adulting seriously yet.

A hot shower would nourish her back to her senses. The sensitive girl began to feel comfortable again after a draining breakdown and what felt like a very long day. Somin stood in the scorching hot stream, trying to enjoy the feeling. As she leaned against the yellow tiles she thought back to her poor high school self.

...

"The results are in," the HR lady announced as she pinned the sheet of paper on the board in the middle of the hall. Somin's heart nearly stopped while her mother's hand caressed her stiff shoulder. The fifteen-year-old girl approached the board hesitantly after the first wave of students had come and gone. Some were cheering while some were outright crying.

Please don't let me be rejected. The black-haired girl prayed.

She put a square of chocolate into her mouth, letting the sugar calm her nerves. The silver lump in her pocket reminded her she'd already eaten a whole bar. She squeezed her eyes shut for a moment before opening them and frantically searched for her surname.

WAITLISTED. The word next to her name stated the obvious truth.

I couldn't do it on the first try. I'm not good enough. I don't have any talent. Her mind turned on the self-doubt mantra - even though she was the first under the red line separating her and her dream.

Her phone rang a month later. Someone above her dropped out, so the school director reached out to ask if she'd still be interested. Since then, Somin had thought of herself as an imposter.

I'm not supposed to be here, it was an accident.

But from that day on she worked even harder, compensating for her insinuated "lack of talent". She constantly put in much more effort than her more talented and favored classmates.

...

When Cholsu came around I had to fucking triple the effort. Somin remembered.

If he didn't love me back then, why did he stay for so long anyway?

I did everything I could to get here. I barely slept, ate, or lived a normal life.

She recalled so many instances where instead of reading, going to the cinema, or just trying to push past her introversion and connect with others, she chose to stay home. She crouched above the papers and ruined her sight into the late hours. Somin considered all the things she had done to make him proud.

I should have paid him. Pff, he was more my personal tutor than my boyfriend.

Her muscles relaxed and her tears became one with the water. Somin turned off the shower after the last soap bubbles glided down her legs.

"Hi, I'm Mia!" sounded from the shared room. Somin hid in a baby blue towel and stepped out to see the greeter.

What the hell?

The soothing, friendly voice belonged to "the beauty queen" from school.

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