Disclaimer: I own nothing regarding GWTW
Author's Notes: Thank you for all the reviews and feedback.
Breakfastattiffanygs – I work Tom Selleck into the story.
Chapter Five
Rhett would have been surprised to know that his paid companion's name was Charlotte. Emily had been his companion before Charlotte. The truth was he had been half drunk for the last ten years. No that wasn't right. He had been half drunk for the last fifteen years. Ever since that night in New Orleans.
That was all Charlotte was, a paid companion. They slept together and he held her close all throughout the night. That was when it was easiest to pretend, she was Scarlett, when they were in the dark together. He didn't even think that he had relations with her. Probably not. For his member hadn't worked in a very long time. Even if his member had worked, he would not have relations with her or any other woman. He didn't want to create another child.
The woman was just someone to take with him to the opera or to suppers given by his business acquaintances. Someone to laugh at his jokes. Someone to listen to him ramble on about whatever he wanted to ramble on about. Someone to pretend that she loved him. Someone that he could pretend was Scarlett. He knew the woman had black hair and green eyes. Those were the only women he would establish a relationship with. Before he had married Scarlett, he had never minded being alone, now it made him feel like a loser.
Rhett couldn't even remember when the woman had started living with him. Soon after the other one had left. She had left because she had been tired of pretending to be Scarlett. She had actually thought he would fall in love with her, but she had soon realized there was no room in his heart for anyone but Scarlett.
Rhett remembered when he had first hired a companion. It had been right after a widow he had taken to supper had bored him to tears with her inane chatter about her cats. He had wanted to scream at her to shut up. He had looked at her over the table. She had blonde hair and brown eyes. She was not who he wanted. No, who he wanted he had thrown away the night Miss Melly had died. No, if he was honest that was not when he had thrown Scarlett away. He had thrown her away while they were still on their honeymoon. As he looked back, he had so many opportunities to win her heart, but he had stubbornly refused to actually try to win her heart. She was just supposed to give him her heart just like every other woman. Why had he ever thought that? Scarlett wasn't like any other woman and that was why he loved her.
Scarlett had been right. If Rhett had shown her half the tenderness, he had shown their daughter she would have fallen in love with him in a matter of weeks if not days.
Rhett had not cared when the other companion had left. He had found another woman to pretend to be Mrs. Rhett Butler. No, that wasn't right. She had never used that title. She had always been Scarlett Butler. An extremely powerful woman.
It was April. It was a month that he had met Scarlett. It was a month that he had married her. It was a month that he had forced himself upon her. It had been a month when he had his greatest sexual experience in his life. It was a month when he had abandoned her once again. It was a month when he had taken her baby away from her after once again telling her she was a bad mother.
Rhett had told himself he loved her, but he had often in the last ten years questioned that statement. He had belittled her and shamed her. Why?
Rhett knew now it was to humble her. Yet he had not wanted a humble Scarlett. What he loved about her was her ability to continue to fight despite the odds.
Rhett knew he had treated Scarlett so badly. He had ridiculed and mocked the very things he loved about her.
Rhett had thrown her away with both hands when she had finally realized she loved him.
The Pinkerton Agency had continued to send him monthly reports on Scarlett. In the reports, it stated that she lived a very modest lifestyle. That she socialized with a small group of friends. That she and her husband always seemed to be together. That she took her children with her everywhere. He knew she had two more children, two girls. He knew their names were Melanie and Patricia. He knew she was a widow once again.
Rhett knew her attorney visited her every two weeks. He wondered if it was strictly a professional relationship or if there was something more there. He knew there was something more there, at least on the attorney's part. The man's name was Tom Selleck. He was in his fifties. He was a very tall man with black hair. He even had a mustache. Did the man remind her of him. Rhett hoped so. He hoped he was pleasantly in her thoughts or even unpleasantly in her thoughts. The worst thing would be if she never thought of him at all. If she thought of him as dead also.
In a macabre way, Rhett wished he had died also. Instead, he was left to examine his mistakes over and over again and live with the regret of all his mistakes. Not just with Scarlett but in his entire life.
When Rhett thought about the fact Scarlett had two more children, he wondered if she would have ever told him no. Probably not. She hadn't even told him no, that awful yet wonderful night he had forced himself on her.
Rhett wondered if he had taken her desire to not have any more children seriously would they have weathered most of the storms of their married life. That wasn't right. If he had taken any of her desires seriously, much less all of them, undoubtedly their marriage would have been so much better. Her wishes had been of no importance to him. It was only his wants and needs that had mattered. Then he had gotten angry at her for not automatically fulfilling his desires. Even though he had never told her what they were.
Scarlett had told him of her longing not to have any more children when he had asked her to marry him. He knew now that he had never listened to what her wishes and desires were. He had never valued her opinion. It was just something that was in the way of what he had wanted. He had not even respected the fact that she thought she was in love with Wilkes. That was when he had discounted her emotions the most. He had known her love for Wilkes was a false love, but she believed it to be true and he should have respected her belief. Her opinion.
Rhett knew that his anger and his jealousy had made him do things that were out and out stupid. She had said, 'I don't want to have any more children. Not I don't want to sleep with you.' He knew she hadn't wanted any of her children. Her desire to not have any more children in truth had not been unreasonable and shouldn't have been surprising but instead of taking her feelings into consideration he had gotten mad and had taken it personally. He should have told her about preventatives. He should have just said no. He should have refused to move out. He should have comforted her in the middle of the night when she had a nightmare. Instead, he had behaved like a child and went and did something that damaged his marriage more than anything Scarlett had done. He had relations with another woman. He who claimed to have a way with women should have known she would never forgive him for that then the topper to his stupidity he had made sure everyone in Atlanta knew what he was doing.
The bottom line was he should have been her friend. Probably the only one she had ever had. Someone who saw her as she truly was and loved her anyway. He knew how much she had needed that unconditional love. Rhett smiled wryly. How much he had needed her unconditional love, but she hadn't been able to give it at that point.
Rhett looked at the cufflinks she had given him on their first anniversary. The cufflinks he always wore now. They had been a pair of sapphire cufflinks that had matched Bonnie's eyes perfectly. She had been anxious when he opened the present. Anxious like it really mattered to her if he had liked her gift. He had really liked them but instead of telling her that, he had mocked her and made fun of the gift. He had done it to hurt her. He had hurt her. Why? Because she had told him she didn't want to have any more children.
Rhett had already been unfaithful to Scarlett. Why had he felt the need to hurt her more? Because she had shown no reaction to his unfaithfulness. Had he really expected her to show her hurt over his infidelity? Yes, he had honestly thought she would show him how much his infidelity hurt her. He shook his head with the thought. Like his proud wife would ever show a chink in her armor.
After that Scarlett had never given Rhett anything personal. For every occasion she had always given him a box of cigars or a bottle of whiskey. Something so generic it could have been from anyone. She hadn't even bought him his brand of whiskey or his favorite cigars. He had mocked and made fun of the gift, but he could tell at the time it hadn't bothered her. She had just given him the gift because it was the right thing to do despite the fact, she knew he was not going to give her a gift.
No, Scarlet would not allow herself to be set up for another slight ever again. She had just withdrawn into herself even more.
Rhett had always been able to hurt her. It had been as easy as shooting fish in a barrel. But what had he gained from hurting her? A few minutes of pleasure that she was hurting as badly as he was. In the end she had not known she was hurting him, so his actions had been cruel and extremely unkind. Yet in spite of it all she had loved him. but she had never known how much he had loved her. In his cruelest moment he had rejected her when she had finally known she loved him.
Rhett had filed for divorce less than twenty-four hours after Miss Melly's death. She had fought the divorce which he had known she would. He had thought she would never grant him a divorce therefore through the divorce discussions he would stay in her thoughts. That was a pretty stupid, hurtful way to stay in her thoughts. He had his attorney tell her that one way or another he was going to obtain a divorce. He had his attorney tell her that he didn't care how much it cost him he just wanted to be rid of her which in truth was the last thing he wanted. He had Mr. Powe offer her an obscene amount of money to torture her greedy nature. Maybe it had tortured her greedy nature, but he knew that amount of money wasn't something that a girl who had once been one step away from poverty could turn down. A girl who had sold her soul for three hundred dollars.
Rhett smiled. A girl who was still responsible for everyone from Tara to Charleston would never turn down that amount of money no matter what her pride or her morality might tell her.
She had signed the papers the April after Bonnie had died. Rhett had always wondered if there was any significance to her signing the papers in April. He didn't know why she had finally signed the papers, but he suspected it was because she wanted to be rid of him. The worst thing that had ever happened to her.
Rhett had wanted to love her and protect her. He had done the exact opposite. He had shown her no love and he had abandoned her time and time again. He had thrown her to the lions time after time.
Rhett smiled at his reflection. He certainly looked as sick as he was. He would die very soon. Maybe he would go see his mother. No, his mother didn't want him to come visit. He guessed she loved him, but his monthly checks were more important than he was. She would be embarrassed if he moved in with her. She had been so embarrassed by his presence in her townhouse those six months after Miss Melly had died that she had asked him to leave despite the fact he could have pulled his financial backing because of it.
Sadly, the only person who had not been embarrassed to be seen with him was Scarlett then he had been embarrassed to be seen with her. No, he had not appreciated everything she had given up for him. Maybe he would go see Scarlett one last time before he died. One more time before he died without her by his side. The only person who would be by his side was his Scarlett substitute. As long as he kept supporting her that is.
Rhett laughed mirthlessly. He could no more make it to Boston on his own than he could fly to the moon. He looked at his companion, he could make her help him to Boston. No, he would not want Scarlett to see him like this. He would not be able to bear the sympathy in her eyes. At least he hoped there would be compassion and not gleeful pleasure at his downfall. It didn't matter he certainly wouldn't take another woman with him to visit Scarlett. He wasn't that stupid anymore.
