Disclaimer: I own nothing regarding GWTW
Author's Notes: Thank you for all the reviews and feedback.
Chapter Twelve
Scarlett woke up in her childhood bedroom. She was in a state of disbelief. She looked around once then sat up and looked around again. There was the chair Charlie had slept in on their wedding night. There was the dresser that Pa had built for her when she moved out of the nursery. The nursery that was now Suellen and Careen's room. With a touch of compassion for Suellen, Scarlett thought, 'That kind of was a raw deal for Suellen. When it was time for her to move out of the nursery instead of getting her own room, she had to stay in the same room with her younger sister. Her sister who was two years younger than her which meant Careen was moved out of the nursery at the same time as Suellen.'
Scarlett couldn't think about that. She had to figure out what day it was. She looked around the room and thought, 'No, what year it is. All I know is that I am at Tara in my old room.'
Scarlett looked at the curtains and the bedspread. She had gotten those when she was fifteen for Christmas. She had felt so grown-up that year. She knew now that she had been so far away from being an adult that it was laughable.
Scarlett did notice that the bedspread was worn and as she looked at her nightgown. It was pretty worn too. Had everything been a horrible nightmare or worse had she somehow been returned in time.
Scarlett started to get out of the bed and the cold forced her back under the covers. It must be winter, and it must be after the war for if it was before the war, one of the slaves would have already gotten the fire started in the hearth. It would be unheard of that the daughter of the master would suffer any hardship.
Scarlett smiled a sad smile. The daughter of the master had certainly suffered her fair share of hardships in the years after the war.
No, it couldn't be a nightmare. Everything seemed too real. As incredible as it sounded, she must have been returned in time. That was the theory she was going to be working on until it was proved differently. She had been returned in time.
Now Scarlett had to figure out what year she was returned to. Was it sixty-five or was it sixty-six? Please, dear God, don't let it be sixty-four.
Scarlett brought herself up short. Returning in time was impossible! She could not have been returned in time, therefore it must have been a nightmare. Yet, Scarlett knew it hadn't been a nightmare. She was back at Tara right after the war.
No! No! She could not go through all of that again. Those were the worst years of her life. Actually, the worst years of her life were the years she had lived with Rhett but the years right after the war had been pretty bad, especially the year and a half she had lived with Frank. She laid in the bed refusing to admit she was back at Tara right after the war. It was impossible. She kept closing her eyes tightly. She was hoping that the next time she opened her eyes she would be in her home in Boston.
She looked at her door and saw that Wade was pushing it open. She smiled at her son. Her son! She opened up the blanket and he ran over. She helped him up into the bed. She cuddled with him as despair flooded her. She was back in sixty-six at best and sixty-five at worst. Judging by Wade's size it wasn't sixty-four. She was grateful for that. She was thinking it was sixty-six, once again judging by Wade's size. He looked big enough to be a four-year-old, which further supported her decision it was sixty-six. Wade had always been small for his age.
Scarlett was about to relive those awful years when she was married to Frank and on the edge of destitution. One bright spot was that she could be the mother Wade and Ella should always have had.
A few hours later as Rhett was smoking his last cigar, one of the guards, Gomer Pyle, asked Rhett, "How is your supply of whiskey? Do you need anymore? What about cigars? I can go to The Painted Lady for you tonight."
"No, thank you. I think I am going to stop drinking whiskey and quit smoking cigars. I don't think they are that good for my health."
"Let me know if you change your mind."
Rhett smiled. He remembered that Belle had let him run a tab for his whiskey and cigars. He had promised Private Pyle a dollar for each time he went and got whiskey and cigars for him. Unfortunately for the private, Rhett was quitting. When he got Scarlett, Bonnie, and the baby back he wanted to live a long, long time.
Scarlett had found out what day it was. It was January sixth of sixty-six. She had sent Will into town to get some supplies. Scarlett was waiting for him to return. Waiting for him to tell her the awful news about the taxes then she would know that she had indeed somehow been returned in time. If she was returned to sixty-six, she would not go see Rhett at the Fire House. She would not let him humiliate her again. There was no reason to go see him. He couldn't access his money anyway.
Scarlett would go to Frank's store and get him to marry her. Scarlett wondered if she let Suellen marry Frank would Sue give her the three hundred dollars. She wanted to believe she would but, in her heart, Scarlett knew that Sue wouldn't.
When Scarlett heard the knock on the door, she knew she was going to relive some of the worst years of her life. She would get Rhett to lend her the five hundred dollars to buy the sawmill, but she would not get involved with Rhett again. She knew why she had let him into her life again after his abandonment at Rough and Ready and his behavior at the Fire House. He had been fun and entertaining. She had already been in love with him she just hadn't known it. The price was too high for his love. Their love was a toxic love. She had to stay as far away from him as she could. She would not let him drive her back from the mills. She would hire Big Sam to be her driver and bodyguard. She would keep Frank alive until it was time for her to go North and meet Patrick. She paused for a moment and thought about Bonnie. Her precious Bonnie. No, she had to let her go for she would never marry Rhett Butler again. Furthermore, she could not go through the pain of Bonnie's death again. She had tried to stop Rhett from spoiling her the first time and she had failed. She knew she would fail this time also. Therefore, it would all happen again.
She heard the knock again. She thought let us get this over with. She said, "Come in."
Will opened the door and walked in. He said, "Miss Scarlett, Mr. Wilkerson told me to tell you that you still owe taxes on Tara for this year. He said, 'Three hundred dollars."
"Three hundred dollars! Where am I going to get that kind of money?"
"I don't know."
"Will do you think Suellen would sacrifice what she wanted for the sake of her family?"
Will looked at Scarlett and shook his head. He said, "No, I certainly don't."
"Let me go talk to Ashley. Do you know where he is?"
"In the orchard."
Scarlett ignored the knowing look Will was giving her. She was going through the motions of trying to find the money. She ran up the stairs and grabbed her cloak although it wouldn't do her much good as threadbare as it was. She was going to make sure she and Ashley didn't make any body contact.
As Scarlett walked to the orchard, she thought about when she had gotten her cloak. She had gotten it for her sixteenth birthday. It had always been more for style than for warmth. She smiled. She really had been a very foolish child. No, that wasn't right. She had been a spoiled, pampered, daughter of a wealthy planter whom nothing truly bad had ever happened to. She had no idea at that time how brutal the world could be. She certainly knew now. In part, thanks to Rhett Butler.
As she approached the orchard, she saw Ashley. He was splitting logs. She stood where she was for a minute and studied him. She saw that he looked like he had no hope. He looked like a defeated man, and she guessed that was what he was. A man who had lost everything because of the war. Everything but Melly's love and her devotion. This time she would let him go to New York. Even if he failed in New York, she was giving him what he thought he wanted.
Scarlett smiled as she approached Ashley and he smiled at her. He said, "They say this is how Abe Lincoln got his start."
Scarlett laughed as Ashley expected. She said, "Ashley they have raised the taxes on Tara by three hundred dollars. Do you have any ideas where I can get that money?"
"No, the only people who have that kind of money are Yankees and Scallawags like Rhett Butler."
"I had forgotten Rhett was in Atlanta. I will just go into Atlanta and ask him for a loan."
Because Scarlett was looking for it, she saw the guilt pass over his face. She smiled at Ashley and thought, 'Yes, he did let me go sell myself to Rhett.'
Ashley said, "Scarlett, thank you for letting us stay as long as you have."
"You probably should go into Atlanta and look for a job."
Ashley looked startled by her statement. She thought, 'Yes, he did take advantage of my feelings for him. He did take my charity.'
"What are we going to do Ashley?"
"We will go on even though we have lost our perfect world. Our life had a perfection to it like a Grecian urn. It was the death of the gods, and we did it to ourselves. Those with brains and courage will come through this just fine but the rest of us will be winnowed out."
Scarlett smiled sadly at Ashley. If she had been wiser in her first life this moment would have been when she had realized that they had been too different to ever make a good match. She had wanted practical advice, and he was talking about gods and Grecian urns.
Scarlett said, "Yes, it did."
Scarlett let Ashley ramble on for a few minutes. She wanted to know if she would understand what he had meant before. After a few minutes, she knew if she had been more mature, she would have understood that everything coming out of his mouth had been poppycock. Garbage designed to justify him doing nothing. Trash to soothe his conceit. Words to confuse her so she didn't look too closely at their situation.
Scarlett understood about him wanting to hold the world at arm's length now. She definitely understood what he meant about being a coward.
When he finished rambling, Scarlett said, "I am going back to the house and pack my trunk. I must go into Atlanta and find someone to loan me three hundred dollars."
As Scarlett walked to the main house, she wondered if she would now understand Rhett. Time will tell. As she was walking towards the house, she saw someone coming up the lane. She smiled as she remembered who it was. It was Jonas Wilkerson and his wife, Emmey Slattery.
Scarlett walked around the house so she could meet Jonas and Emmey on the front steps. She remembered that last time she had thrown dirt in Jonas' face. This time she didn't have any dirt to throw so she would just throw out some unkind comments. This would be fun for Jonas and Emmey would never expect Scarlett O'Hara to talk the way she was going to talk. She almost giggled in anticipation. She hadn't spent over twelve years with Rhett without learning how to throw out a mocking comment or two. She also wasn't as naïve as she had been at this time in her first timeline. She might even throw out some expletives she had learned from Pa and Rhett.
