Happy Tuesday everyone! Last time we had a happy get together, now it's time for a fight. So let's strap in and get to it.
Content warning: Fighting, talk of neglect, mention of past abuse, imprisonment and starvation. Abandonment issues and identity issues as well.
Chapter 17
What I Didn't Know
Adrien had often fantasized about confronting his Father telling him how trapped he felt and how much he hated modeling and him never being there for him. Everytime he would try, however, his father would dismiss him and he'd be too afraid to disobey. Not this time. As soon as the front door closed Gabriel once again attempted to exert his control.
"What were you thinking Adrien!" he said in a harsh tone. "Running off from the fitting without telling anyone! We had no idea where you were, and look at yourself." Adrien scoffed.
"I'm fine. Thanks for asking."
"Don't you take that tone with me young man! You still could have been hurt and you weren't answering your phone!"
"My phone broke. I didn't have a way to call."
"Then you should have come back! All this just to meet with a friend you could have talked to at school or called." Gabriel rubbed the spot where his glasses rested on his nose. "Your poor judgment today is more than a little concerning. It's clear I've been too lenient with you. As of right now-"
"Let me guess you'll pull me from school?"
"Go to your room Adrien!"
"No." he said softly, almost too quietly to hear.
"What did you say?" he said in a warning tone.
"I said NO!" Adrien shouted, emphasizing the last part as loud as he could.
"I am your father, you will do as I say."
"And I am your son. I'm not a servant you can dismiss and only call when you need me for something!" Gabriel was taken aback, where was all this coming from?
"What more do you want?"
"I want to have an actual conversation with you. I try so hard to be the son you want but you want nothing less than perfection. Anything less is 'disrespectful' or 'disobedient'. I'm not allowed to make any mistakes. And even when I'm perfect you just ignore me as if I'm your little doll to dress up and show off and then be put back on the shelf." Gabriel stared back, completely agasp.
"Where is all this coming from?" Adrien threw his hands up.
"It's been building up for years. You never talk to me anymore, and when I try to tell you something you just write me off. Like when I tried to tell you about the photographer Jacque."
"Miss Blair did inform me of his…rude behavior."
"There! Right there! You believe her and even Jacque over me. You just assumed I was pigging out on junk food without even asking me."
"There's nothing wrong with a healthy diet. You-"
"THAT'S NOT THE POINT!" Adrien screamed but his anger quickly morphed into sadness. "You're still not listening." Gabriel sighed and guided his son to the drawing room. They closed and locked the doors for some privacy. Both Father and son were quiet for a moment before Gabriel attempted to reach out again.
"I'm trying to understand Adrien. Are you really so unhappy? I know I keep you a little sheltered but that's only to keep you safe. Believe me there are more evils in this world than you know." His time as Hawkmoth and then Shadow Moth let him feel all the negative emotions of everyone around him. Some were too dark for even him to touch. Had that of that negativity of the world tainted his view so much it was affecting his son?
"You can't protect me from everything."
"I just don't know what I'd do if I lost. You mother…" he trailed off, unable to finish.
"But I'm not living my life. I've been so focused on being the perfect Adrien that I don't know who I really am." The admission was as surprising to Adrien as it was to Gabriel. "We're having a career assessment soon and they gave us some forms to fill out. It was supposed to be simple stuff like likes and dislikes, what would you like to do when you leave school and…I couldn't answer any of them."
Tears were starting to trickle down his eyes. "I couldn't think of a single thing that I wanted for myself that you didn't assign for me." Gabriel sat his son down in a chair and handed him a tissue. He hadn't seen Adrien cry since he was told about his mother and even then he tried to put on a brave face for his Father. He tried rubbing circles on his back to sooth him but the tears didn't stop.
"I thought I was providing for you, giving you guidance. I let you be a model for my brand because I thought it would open doors for you. It was a way we could work together." Adrien let out a bitter laugh.
"Work together? I barely ever see you anymore. You just send me off on the shoots with Gorilla and maybe I see your face on a screen." He rubbed his eyes trying and failing to stop the tears." Am I that much of a disappointment to you that you don't want to be around me?" The question nearly made Gabriel's heart stop.
"What! No no Adrien, how could you ever think that?" Adrien shrugged.
"You can't be bothered with me, the only time I see you in person is when I'm hurt or in trouble." Gabriel sighed.
"Am…am I really that bad of a father." Adrien would normally be quick to reassure him but part of him wanted to see the hurt in his father's eyes. It meant he was finally listening.
"Adrien, even as a little boy you were so eager to please. It seemed like your favorite thing was to do was see your Mother and I smile. I…I don't know when it became the norm." Truthfully Adrien couldn't remember either. "But you were always so obedient, I think…I think in a way you spoiled me." Gabriel was now laughing bitterly.
"I'm sorry if it seems- no I'm sorry that I took that for granted. Took you for granted." It hurt to admit. He has been so focused on fixing his family he didn't notice how much his own son was hurting. "I know I can be busy with work a lot but-"
"But you have all the time in the world for Varian!" He snapped finding his anger again. "You have your special project with him, he can come and go as he pleases and I don't see you restricting his diet! You know how many cookies he ate at the festival?" Gabriel sighed and glanced down at his phone.
"Adrien, there's something you should know about Varian's situation." Adrien perked up wondering if he was finally going to get some answers. "Remember when I said he got in trouble when he tried to help his father?" Adrien nodded.
"What he didn't want anyone to know was that he went to prison for it." Adrien gasped at the shocking revelation. "And we're not talking about a Juvenile detention center. It was the equivalent to a medieval dungeon with no regard to his age. I don't know all the details but the man running it was the same man Varian wronged and…it was rather horrifying experience."
Adrien remembered what Varian said in the car ride over when he said he felt like a prisoner. "You think you're a prisoner! You have no idea how good you have it." He didn't know. Oh he must have seemed so petty.
His Father wasn't even done yet. "Varian was kept shackled at all times and what little food they gave him made him sick half the time. He was also denied even basic medical attention and by the time I found out about it and got him out he was so sick and malnourished he nearly died." Adrien knew Variian was keeping things from him and even the friends he was closest to but he never suspected it was anything like this.
"But…how…how did it get this bad? Isn't it a conflict of interest to have his jailer be the same as the person he stole from?"
"It was a little more complicated than that but where he came from the system is very corrupt. People are punished harshly for the smallest offense. With Varian's father unable to speak for him and his friends abandoning him he was left to the mercy of his jailer." Adrien paled at the thought of the boy, the same age as him, going through something so horrible.
"That's why he's allowed to come and go as he pleases. He panics if he's locked in a room. As for his diet, it was a slow process getting him back to a healthy weight. The prison food made him sick so often he's a little hesitant what he eats and often has to be reminded."
That explained the weird rule Varian mentioned about him not being allowed to skip meals. It also explains why he's been so hesitant to open up. Somehow everyone let this kid down…except his Father.
"How did you find out about him?"
"It's a long story but Varian only gave me permission to explain to you about his incarceration." He held up his phone. That must have been who Varian was texting in the car. And now Adrien felt like a piece of used chewing gum on the street. He had been so rude to Varian and he still let his Father tell him all that personal information just so he could have some context.
"He must think I'm the worst."
"I'm sure he'll understand."
"I'll have to apologize."
"I think that would be best."
They continued to talk for several more hours. There were some more tears, some shouting from both sides but in the end the lines of communication that Adrien had believed long severed were opening up again. Gabriel was starting to see his son as a person and Adrien was on his way to finding out who that was. They still had a long way to go but it didn't seem as hopeless as it did before.
In the end Adrien was still grounded for one week for running off but wasn't being pulled from school. He would be getting a new cell phone but not for a few days.
His father said he still wanted Adrien to keep modeling at least until he found something else he'd like to try. His shoots were cut down to give him time to explore. It wasn't perfect but this was the most he had gotten out of his father in a long time. At the end of the day he was emotionally exhausted and just wanted to curl up in bed but he had one stop left to make.
He knocked on Varian's door and heard a muffled, "It's open." so he let himself in. Adrien hadn't been in Varian's room since the first day the other boy came to live with them.
At the time there had been just the bare basics but now the room had a more lived in look. There were close hanging out of his dresser drawers as well as a few on the floor. His desk seemed to be the main focal point with piles of books for both school and research. A calculus workbook was opened with equations so complicated he couldn't make heads or tails out of them. His multiple bookcases were full to the brim with books he recognised from their library with subjects ranging from History, chemistry to how to books explaining how various things were made and worked.
It wasn't all just study material however. He saw a collection of Japanese manga Kagami had given him on his haphazardly made bed. Above it was a poster of some of Leonardo da Vinci's technical sketches and one of an American band he didn't recognize. He also saw a TV with a few games lying about such as God of War, Kingdom Hearts and Super Mario 3. There was even a Star Trek box set that looked like he was in the middle of watching.
Lastly there was a simple acoustic guitar in the corner with a few pages of sheet music that looked like he was in the middle of writing.
All this told him more about the boy who had been living under his roof for months than he had learned from the boy himself. But now he knew why, a bit more at least. It also occurred to him that he could have been making more of an effort as well.
He saw the door to the small balcony outside was open. Assuming the other boy was there he made his way over. He was a bit surprised to see him sitting on the railing with his feet dangling over the edge. But he was unsurprised to see him looking out at Paris's skyline looking sad and melancholy. Night had fallen since he and his father had started talking and the full moon shone brightly in the sky illuminating Varian's face.
Adrien walked up to the balcony but opted to stand. Varian hadn't said anything since he invited Adrien in but it wasn't him who needed to make the first move.
"Father told me about what happened, about how you went to prison." Varian stiffened but kept looking out. "You must think I'm the worst. A privileged child who doesn't know what goes on in the real world. I'm so sorry about what I said. I was mad at my father and I took it out on you when you didn't deserve it."
Varian sighed, still looking out at the night's sky.
"It's fine. You didn't know and at least you said you were sorry. Not a lot of people do."
"Still, we've been living together in the same house for a while now but I feel like I barely know you at all. You can be a little closed off but then again I haven't made much of an effort to try." Varian lowered his head, swinging his feet slightly.
"Part of me doesn't want people to know the real me, he's kind of scary."
"Father didn't give me all the details but it sounded like you were desperate and no one was helping you at all. " Varian was quiet for a few moments before looking up at the moon.
"It's…it's hard to talk about." He became quiet again.
"Why did you let Father tell me then? He said your story was private from day one, what made you change your mind?" Varian swung his leg over the rail and hopped down back into the room. He slowly looked up to meet Adrien's gaze.
"The last conversation I had with my father was a fight. I just…I didn't want to be the cause of one for you and your father." Adrien smiled sadly.
"The fight wasn't really about you, things have just been bottling up for a long time now it was bound to explode sooner or later. And you know what? I'm glad it happened, Father is finally talking to me. We still have a lot to work out but it feels like we're on the right track." Varian smiled back.
"I didn't realize it was that bad, Gabriel's always singing your praises telling me how proud he is of you." He sighed. "What I wouldn't do to hear that from my Dad."
"Why wouldn't your dad be proud? You're a genius, talented, kind and you like helping people." Adrien let out a small sad laugh. "Honestly when you said that my father was proud earlier I thought you were just being nice. If he's so proud why doesn't he ever tell me?" Varian turned away again.
"Yeah, well maybe I'm too smart for my own good. Most of my good intentions blow up in my face, sometimes literally. Dad's always having to apologize for my screwups. I doubt I've ever made him proud." Adrien went up to the sad boy and put a hand on his shoulder.
"I'm sure that's not true. I guess, sometimes Fathers are proud of their kids, they just forget that sometimes they need to hear it sometimes." Varian backed away.
"I doubt he'd be happy with anything I've done lately. Yes I was alone and despite but I also hurt people. At the time I just couldn't see any other way but innocent people got hurt, not just the ones who deserted it." He turned and leaned over the railing again. "Maybe I did deserve it." Alarmed, Adrien grabbed his shoulders and turned him around to face him.
"Don't say that! Father said you almost died because you were sick and practically starving. I don't know what you did but no one deserves that."
Varian was a little shocked hearing Adrien defend him from…himself. But he didn't know, did he? Varian couldn't bring himself to reveal that it was his own arrogance that imprisoned his Dad and his own rage that landed him in jail. And even after all that, he was still desperate enough to team up with Adrien's own father for a chance at a miracle. The worst part was someone was going to get hurt again and Varian himself would be the cause once more.
But Adrien didn't know that.
"I…I'd rather not talk about this anymore. It was…hard enough to bring it up in the first place." Adrien was still worried but he didn't think he should force Varian to talk. He already revealed more than he had expected.
"Alright, but my point still stands. No one should have had to go through what you did."
Varian smiled sadly at him. He would miss Adrien's company. If he ever found out what really happened back in Corona or that he was Tanuki he would surely be disgusted. He would turn his back on him and Varian wouldn't blame him.
"You're a good person Adrien. I'm glad you and Marinette finally got together." He said, trying to change the subject. He was rewarded when Adrien's cheeks turned bright red.
"Well it might not have happened if you didn't distract Chloe for us. Thanks for that by the way." Varian shrugged.
"I just did what everyone's been dreaming about doing for ages. No big deal." Adrien laughed as Varian's phone went off. Varian rolled his eyes seeing who it was.
"It's Nino again. You've got to get a new phone, everyone's been bombarding me with questions and comments. Between you and Marinette hooking up and the fear you might be pulled from school I've become the most popular kid in your social circle." He said exasperated seeing the additional missed messages.
"Mind if I borrow-"
"PLEASE!" Varian exclaimed, practically shoving the phone in Adrien's hands. "You'll need to update all your social media accounts, block Chloe from all of them and that shoe you lost earlier might be up for auction on Ebay. I wasn't sure how you wanted to handle that." Adrien blinked repeatedly wondering how being without his phone for less than a day could escalate this much.
"I'll ask Father for an extra sturdy one."
"I hear the new Apple Pi Phone can withstand the force of a tank. If you believe the commercials."
"Sounds like a winner." He said, starting to reply to as many people as quickly as he could. Varian just watched him with a smile.
"You have a lot of good friends." Adrien looked back up from his phone.
"Well you do too." Varian was still smiling but it wasn't quite reaching his eyes. "I know it was hard for you to open up like that. And don't worry I won't tell anyone else if you don't want me to." Varian let out a breath he didn't know he was holding.
"Thanks."
"And whenever you're ready to talk about it I'll be here to listen." Varian's smile was just a little bit more genuine now.
"I will and thanks again." He glanced down at his watch. "I've got to go talk to Gabriel, I was supposed to meet with him after the science fair but…" he trailed off not needing to elaborate.
"I'll just head back to my room then. I'll give you your phone back at breakfast."
"Sounds like a plan, see you at breakfast."
"See you there."
VVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVV
Gabriel Agreste sat in the darkened room of the lair contemplating everything that happened today. His own son was hurting right underneath his own nose and he had been completely oblivious to it. How was it that everything seemed fine and normal but in reality everything was coming apart?
True he was devoting much of his time to getting the miraculous but it was only to bring Adrien's mother back. He would surely forgive him when he succeeded but he needed to speed this along. He just needed a little more time, then he could be a devoted husband and father again. Maybe he would even sell his company and retire. All his wealth meant nothing without the ones he loved.
Just a little more time, he was so close. And if Varian kept his word they might have their best plan yet. There was a quiet knock on the door. And there he was now.
Varian came in his head down as he secured the door.
"I hope you and Adrien had a good talk. He seemed-"
"Did you do it?" Gabriel said, cutting him off. Varian paused but then nodded.
"I did as you asked. I put the Hack-san virus in Markov's system. Max shouldn't notice until he updates him or he runs a check. So if we're going through with this plan we need to do it soon."
Shadow Moth could have easily had Nathalie install it remotely but he wanted Varian to show how committed he was to obtaining the Miraculous.
"Very good, we'll iron out the details tomorrow." Varian let out a sigh of frustration.
"Why not tonight? This plan needs to succeed. I just betrayed a friend for this!" Shadow Moth put a hand on the boy's shoulder.
"We're both emotionally compromised at the moment. The plan needs to be flawless and for that we'll need clear heads. We'll start right after breakfast. Until then get some sleep."
Varian left dejected but didn't argue. He wasn't wrong about them being emotionally compromised but he doubted he'd be sleeping much tonight.
He wanted to go to the science fair to support Max because this was important to him. However Gabriel came up with a plan. Varian had to admit it was a good plan with a high success rate but the cost…
Varian arrived back in his room, Adrien was long gone. He slumped against the closed door and rested his head in his hands. Ruddiger came out of his pocket and frowned at the boy.
"You don't have to go through with this Varian." He said landing on his shoulder like he did when he was a real raccoon. "Think of how you were used by Rapunzel. We can think of something else we-"
"It's already too late. If I back out Gabriel will just go ahead with the plan without me." he argued as he wiped a few tears away. "I can't waste this chance." he said sadly, staring at his bed but made no attempt to climb in.
"I'm sorry Max, I'll make sure Markov is OK when this is over but my Dad needs me now." He said as if Max could hear him. "Even if I'm still just a disappointment."
To be continued…
Next time: The events of Hack-san take place but with Varian now part of the plan will things turn out differently?
